The Ghost of Affection

A few weeks passed and still Yuki hadn’t heard from Akito. He expected to be called back for the usual torture, or kiss. Yuki mentally kicked himself at the thought, glaring down into his lunch. Tohru had prepared fried rice with chicken today, and he didn’t want to let such wonderful food go to waste. He forced his stomach to accept the food, even though his insides had felt like mush since that day. He had caught himself staring off into space a few times, thinking about the kiss. He, of all people was thinking of Akito. Wasn’t he supposed to hate him? He thought, chewing his rice with care. He hated him, and he wanted to see him again. He wanted to confront him about what had happened.
“ Say, Tohru-kun?” Hatsuharu took a seat beside Tohru in the classroom, holding a sandwich and a juice carton. “ Can I ask you something?” Tohru nearly choked as she tried to swallow a rather large mouthful of rice.
“ Of course, Hatsuharu-san.” She said, regaining her breath.
“ Is it just me, or does Yuki seem a little spacey, if you know what I mean?” Haru pointed to the corner of the classroom where Yuki sat alone, staring out the window, still picking at his rice with his chopsticks.
“ Maybe he’s just tired.” Tohru said, surveying him.
“ Maybe.” Haru said, standing once more and rejoining Kyo and Momiji. Tohru watched Yuki with a thoughtful look. Hatsuharu was right, Yuki did seem to have his head in the clouds lately. Tohru stood, her bowl in hand and slowly made her way to the back of the classroom.
“ May I join you, Sohma-kun?” She asked quietly, smiling brightly. He seemed to snap out of his haze as he stared up at her.
“ Please do, Miss Honda.” Yuki said, mustering a smile. As she sat beside him, he felt a strange tension. She picked at her rice, looking as if she had something to say. “ How is your day going?” He asked, breaking the silence.
“ Fine! And yours?” She asked politely, nibbling on the end of her chopsticks.
“ I’m quite tired.” Yuki sighed, stirring his rice slightly.
“ I knew it.” Tohru mumbled.
“ What was that?” Yuki asked, glancing up at her.
“ Nothing!” Tohru said with a smile. “ You should really try to sleep earlier.”
“ I should.” He returned to gazing out the window up at the clouds.
“ Sohma-kun?” Tohru asked quietly.
“ Yes?” Yuki gazed back at her, watching as she fidgeted in her seat.
“ If there’s anything your worried about, just remember that you can talk to me about it.” She said softly. “ I mean! Mother always said it was good to talk about your problems!” She added at the puzzled look upon his face.
“ I’m fine, Miss Honda. Thank you for worrying about me.” Yuki stood, closing his lunchbox with a snap. “ The rice was very good by the way.” He said as he strolled down the isle of desks and out the door. Tohru frowned, feeling as if Yuki might be hiding something. She was somewhat disappointed. She wanted Yuki to open up to her, but that didn’t look like it was going to happen anytime soon. She sighed as she remembered what her mother always told her about patience, and stood with a smile. She nodded to herself and went to rejoin her friends. Out in the hallway, Yuki could feel his throat tighten. If he hadn’t gotten out of there, he didn’t know what would of happened, or what he might of said. He stopped and gazed out the window onto the grounds. This was driving him insane. He just had to see Akito again. He had to know why he kissed him. He looked over his schedule with a nod and decided he would pay Akito a visit later. He scoffed at himself, planning to head to the main house of his own free will. Imagine that, he thought to himself as he began to stroll the halls once more.

Yuki stood at the gates of the main house, glaring up at them. He had been standing there for a good ten minutes, debating with himself. He knew he should have just turned around and went home, but his pride got the better of him. He wasn’t going to sit there and wonder and cry about it. He wanted to know why and damn it he was going to find out no matter what it took. Steeling himself, he entered the garden and headed straight for Akito’s chambers. Once he stepped inside, a maid who happened to be passing by gave him a curious look.
“ I’m sorry, Master Yuki.” She bowed and took his coat. “ I didn’t know Akito had called you today.”
“ He didn’t.” Yuki said, stepping onto the cold wooden floors. As he started down the dark hallway towards Akito’s room, he could hear the maid following him slowly.
“ Um, Master Yuki.” She glanced up at him. “ I wouldn’t do that. He’s in a very bad mood today. Has been for a week or two.”
“ I know.” Yuki said, standing at the door. She gave him an anxious look before scuttling away back down the hall. He quietly knocked at the door, and heard the muffled voice of Akito from inside.
“ What do you want? I already told you I don’t want any damn tea.” Akito said from the window, not looking away from it as Yuki hesitantly stepped into the room.
“ I’m not a maid.” Yuki said quietly. Akito whirled around and glared at him, his eyes wide with shock.
“ What are you doing here?” He hissed. “ I did not call for you.”
“ I know you didn’t.” Yuki averted his gaze, glaring at the floor.
“ Go home.” Akito returned to staring out the window once more. “ I have no need for you today.”
“ Why did you kiss me?” Yuki blurted out, glancing up at him. He could see Akito flinch slightly at his seat upon the window, his body tensing at the words. When he remained silent, Yuki stepped forward, becoming frustrated. “ Tell me why!”
“ I do not have to explain myself to the likes of you.” Akito said quietly.
“ The likes of me?!” Yuki snapped then, he couldn’t help himself. “ You’ve done nothing but torture me my entire life!” He nearly screamed. Akito turned slowly, eyeing him curiously. “ And then you have the nerve to go and kiss me?” Yuki balled his hands into fists. “ I demand a reason!” He cried, his nails digging into his palms so hard it hurt. In one swift motion, Akito rose from the window and drew his hand back, slapping Yuki across the face with such force that he fell to his knees, seeing stars. Yuki glared up at Akito, caressing his cheek slightly. He could taste blood in his mouth as Akito spoke once more.
“ Do not forget who you are talking to, Yuki.” Akito glared down at him, his eyes ablaze with anger. “ You demand a reason?” Akito grasped the front of his shirt and pulled him to his feet, shaking him. “ You demand a reason from me?!” Yuki swallowed the blood that had been pooling on his tongue and winced as Akito shook him even harder. “ You dare question me?!” Yuki gave a quiet yelp of pain as Akito slapped him again. He felt dizzy and light headed as he was shoved down into the bed. The room was spinning, and he could feel blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth. He was aware that Akito was on top of him, still grasping the front of his shirt. When Akito loosened his grip, Yuki chanced a glance up at him. Akito was still glaring down at him, but the look of untamed fury in his eyes had died down. The glare had turned soft. Yuki shifted beneath him, his cheek throbbing in pain.
“ You want to know why?” Akito asked, coming close to him and staring him deep in the eyes. Yuki nodded slowly, bracing himself for another slap. He started as Akito leaned forward and kissed him again. Despite his mind screaming protests at him, he relaxed against Akito, the pain in his cheek dulling some. He wasn’t surprised to feel a tongue probing at his lips, gently nudging them apart. He opened his mouth slightly, allowing Akito’s tongue to run along his. Yuki was aware of the strong grip upon his wrist, quivering slightly. Akito pulled away from him and sat back, glaring away. Yuki didn’t dare speak a word, seeing the agitated look upon Akito’s face. Yuki leaned forward slowly, staring Akito straight in the eyes. He gently grasped the front of Akito’s robes and pulled him into a forceful kiss. At that moment, part of him wanted to curl up under a rock and die, but part of him also enjoyed it. He hated it, yet loved it at the same time. He felt Akito weave his hands through his hair and pull him closer. He could feel a moan rising in the back of his throat as Akito’s fingers caressed the skin on the back of his neck. He felt himself being slowly eased back onto the covers, the room spinning all around him. He felt Akito’s fingers trace around the sore spot upon his cheek that he could only guess would be a bruise tomorrow.
“ I’m sorry.” Akito whispered softly. Yuki stared up at him in disbelief. Akito had actually apologized to him. The same Akito that had tortured him his whole life and hurt him far worse than a few slaps to the face, was actually feeling remorse. This was getting really weird he decided.
“ W-what?” Yuki stammered, still staring up at him in shock.
“ I was apologizing.” Akito said, giving him a disapproving look.
“ I know but.” Yuki felt his face go bright red.
“ Is it that surprising that I would apologize to someone?” Akito sat back, glaring down at the covers. Yuki wasn’t exactly sure what to say. Akito looked somewhat worried. Yuki leaned forward and slowly eased himself into Akito’s arms. Akito was the last person he expected to be held by. No matter how shocking it was, he couldn’t deny how good it felt. He felt warm and fuzzy, his head rising and falling with Akito’s chest as he breathed in and out. Yuki remained silent, not wanting to irritate Akito in any way. He knew Akito had a short fuse, and was already pushing it emotionally with him.
“ I’m still not going to tell you why I kissed you, you know.” Yuki heard Akito say quietly, in almost a teasing tone.
“ Fine.” Yuki grumbled, staring up at him. Akito pulled him into a heated kiss, pressing him back down onto the bed. He tensed when he felt Akito fumbling with the buttons on the front of his shirt. He shivered as his chest was exposed to the cool air and gave a quiet gasp as Akito ran his hands across his stomach and up his chest. He couldn’t suppress the moan that escaped his lips as Akito kissed down his neck and across his collarbone. He wasn’t sure how far Akito wanted to take this, as he felt his hands roaming towards his waist. All logical thought was swept out of his mind as he felt Akito brush his fingers gently across the cloth above his groin. He immediately felt himself harden beneath the touch. Yuki noticed that Akito’s robes had fallen from his shoulders, revealing porcelain colored skin. Yuki reached up and tenderly ran his hands up his chest and across his shoulders. Akito’s skin was as cold as his hands, making Yuki shudder. Akito leisurely tugged at Yuki’s pants, using his other hand to lift his hips and slide them completely off along with his boxers. Yuki flushed, feeling quite exposed. He bit his lip in anticipation as Akito lowered himself, glancing up at him with that impassive stare.
“ W-wait.” Yuki said, his voice quivering. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for this yet. It was sudden and he was still trying to process how Akito had gotten him in this position in the first place. However, the feeling of Akito’s warm breath against his sensitive flesh made him swallow his protests. Akito looked up at him and smirked impishly before flicking out his tongue and running it across the tip of Yuki’s pulsing arousal. Yuki flinched and let out an audible moan as Akito reached up and held his hips in place, repeating the action. Yuki let out a quiet whimper, wanting to thrust his hips up into that moist heat. He could feel Akito release his grip around him and take him all the way into his mouth. Yuki couldn’t help the series of moans that escaped him as he rocked his hips smoothly into that wet cavern. He was so lost in the pleasure that he hardly felt his hips being eased upward. Akito pressed a finger to Yuki’s entrance, rubbing the ring of muscle there. Yuki gasped and bucked his hips forward, tightening his grip on Akito’s shoulders. He gritted his teeth as he felt a finger work its way into him. At first it didn’t hurt like he thought it would have, but as Akito inserted a second finger, pain shot up his spine, making him cry out. Yuki focused on Akito’s mouth, still working around him as another finger was inserted inside him. He let out a sigh of relief as the fingers left him. Akito let Yuki’s erection fall from his mouth, ignoring the quiet moan of protest he gave as he sat back, gazing down at Yuki. Yuki was still debating with himself mentally as Akito shrugged his robes off, letting them fall to the floor. He glanced down at Akito’s erection standing between his legs, looking quite frightful. Akito was bigger than him, and he started to question how it might fit.
“ Wait…I don’t know.” Yuki said quietly, feeling a rush of anxiety. Akito said nothing as he lifted Yuki’s hips once more, positioning himself before him. “ Wait!” Yuki cried as he felt the tip of Akito’s erection brushing against him.
“ Be quiet.” Akito growled, glaring down at him. Yuki clamped his mouth shut, glaring back at Akito. He fought back the scream that was welling up in his throat as Akito began to push into him. He could feel the skin tearing as he shut his eyes, holding back the tears brimming them. Akito gave one brutal thrust forward, burying himself to the hilt inside of Yuki. Yuki let out a shrill cry, his body tensing with the pain.
“ Relax…It’ll only hurt more if you don’t.” Akito whispered. Yuki looked up at him, his vision blurry with the tears. Akito’s eyes were shut, and he looked like he was having difficulty controlling himself. Yuki noticed the trembling of the arms that were holding his hips up. Akito remained still as Yuki took a deep breath, trying to calm his body. Yuki could feel his muscles let up, and the pain began to subside. “ Good boy.” Akito said, staring down at him. Akito began to slowly thrust in and out of him, breathing heavily. Yuki had never thought he was gay, and definitely never thought of having sex with another man. He was pretty sure he liked women. So then why did Akito make him feel this way? He despised this man more than anything, even more than Kyo. He could feel Akito sliding in a out of him, increasing his pace. It felt so good. He wanted more, and at the same time wanted it to stop. He was so confused, he couldn’t get a grip on his emotions. He didn’t know how he it had gone from torture sessions in the dark room, to being fucked like an animal into Akito’s bed. He had a hard time believing that he actually was attracted to Akito, and he had an even harder time believing that Akito saw him as more than a quick lay. He began to wonder if Akito really truly wanted him, or just sex. He didn’t have time to finish his thoughts as Akito thrust his hips forward, hitting a spot deep inside him that sent stars across his vision. Akito gave a quiet chuckle at the girl like squeal Yuki gave out beneath him. Yuki felt as if he might hyperventilate as Akito slammed into him ruthlessly. He was well aware of how loud he was moaning and calling Akito’s name, the maids were probably getting an earful, but he didn’t care.
“ You’re so fucking tight.” Akito groaned above him. Yuki was now meeting Akito’s thrusts, feeling like he might implode on himself. He nearly screamed as Akito thrust into him once more, throwing him over the edge. He could feel his hot seed spilling onto his chest as his vision clouded over. He heard Akito give a hoarse cry above him and call his name, releasing deep inside him. Akito collapsed onto him, breathing heavily. Yuki groaned as Akito pulled himself out of him, rolling to his side. He wasn’t sure what would happen now. He started as he felt Akito wrap his arm around him and pull him into a tight embrace. He still couldn’t believe what had happened. What would happen now? Would they have to keep their relationship a secret? Was it even a relationship? What would the other Sohmas say if they knew he was sleeping with the head of their family. He shuddered at the thought of what Shigure might say, or even worse, Kyo. What if Tohru found out? He did love her still, right? This changed nothing, he told himself, even though he doubted it. Akito was running his hand through his hair, petting him gently. Yuki watched as Akito sat up and let his legs hang over the bed. Yuki sat up and stared at his back, hesitating to speak.
“ You have school tomorrow, don’t you?” Akito said quietly, glancing at the clock upon the wall.
“ Yeah.” Yuki replied, glancing at his pants upon the floor. The clock read six o’ clock and he didn’t want to head home too late.
“ You should get home then.” Akito said, standing and reaching down for his robes. They dressed in silence, neither one knowing what to say to the other. Yuki walked to the door, and was surprised when Akito stepped out before him into the hallways. Was Akito going to walk with him? He followed Akito to the front of the house, gaining apprehensive looks from the maids. He felt his cheeks heat up as they reached the door. Akito rummaged about in a closet near the door and pulled out a pair of sandals, He kicked his slippers off and slipped on the sandals, opening the door. There was an awkward silence as Yuki trailed behind Akito. Even though they shared a moment, he still felt as if Akito was a superior being, and he was. As they reached the front gate, Akito stopped, placing a hand on Yuki’s shoulder.
“ It would be nice to have dinner with you.” Akito said, averting his gaze. “ I mean…You don’t have to.” He stammered. Yuki had to hold back a chuckle. The Akito he had known all his life, was actually nervous.
“ Okay.” Yuki glanced at the gate, shifting his weight nervously. He felt Akito slide a hand beneath his chin, pulling his face towards his. Akito planted a gentle kiss upon Yuki’s lips. Yuki never knew Akito had a gentle side to him. To be honest, it was creeping him out a bit. Akito waved to one of the drivers that was smoking in front of his car.
“ I'm fine, I can walk.” Yuki said, starting down the street.
“ No, it's getting cold. Take a car.” Akito grasped him by the arm and shoved him into the open door of the car. Still forceful, Yuki scoffed in the back of his mind. “ Come and see me again, Yuki.” Yuki nodded slowly to him, shutting the door. As he watched the familiar scenery pass, he was lost deep in thought. He had just lost his virginity to Akito, and it wasn't all that bad. He actually enjoyed it. He didn't know if he should be afraid of Akito still, or like him. He was terribly confused and processing the whole situation was giving him a headache. As he stepped out of the car he was greeted by a worried looking Tohru.
“ You didn't tell anyone where you were going, so I got worried.” Tohru said, blushing slightly.” What happened to your face?!”
“ I'm sorry, Honda-san. I fell.” He replied, trying to look apologetic. He just couldn't tell her what he'd been up to. “ I don't feel well, if you don't mind, I think I'll head to bed now.” He said, mustering an ill look. He passed the table toward the stairs, ignoring Shigure and Kyo. He was completely unaware of the smirk that Shigure gave him upon noticing his limp as he ascended the stairs.