Ukyo Married

“You’re Ukyo’s husband?” Ranma said in shock.

“Yes, that would be true” he replied.

“But how could she think that she’s engaged to me, if she’s already married to you?” Ranma asked, his head reeling.

“It’s complicated” the stranger said facetiously. “Kentaro Kobayashi” he introduced himself as being. “You must be the Ranma that everyone I meet keeps talking about?” he said to the still confused boy.

“Ranma Saotome” he introduced himself, “I think that perhaps you should come over for dinner at my place? It seems we both have much to explain to each other” suggested Ranma to the newly introduced Kentaro.

Kentaro winced, “yes, I agree. Someone who seems to have two fiancées and an Amazon wife bears explaining. It makes my own situation look rather tame in comparison” he said, allowing the friendly seeming, shorter man to lead him in the direction of his house.

“Ah, you met Shampoo” said Ranma.

“Yes and a duck named Mousse, she literally ran into me with her bicycle. Then a bandana clad man led me on a wild goose chase to find Ukyo’s restaurant, which was actually around the corner from where I began. Apparently, it was your fault that he wasn’t in Osaka as he meant to be” Kentaro could only stare in confusion when this caused the other boy to collapse on the ground laughing and gasping out a name that Kentaro couldn’t make out.

“Are you okay?” he asked, strapping his spatula to his back and helping Ranma up.

“Sounds like you had quite the day. You really managed to meet the more eccentric residents of Nerima; although I’m not certain that Ryoga could really be considered a resident here” he explained.

“Yes, I was starting to wonder if there was something in the water. I wonder what draws all these strange people here?” asked Kentaro.

“I do; again it’s complicated” Ranma replied with a wince.

“So in other words, trouble follows you around and strange people are drawn to you?” asked Kentaro.

“You know, that’s the best description of my life that I’ve ever heard. I think that we’re going to get along famously” Ranma declared.

“Even though I’m married to one of your fiancées?” Kentaro said finding himself liking the martial artist, with his complex multi-relationships.

“You can have all four of them if you want” Ranma said sourly.

“Four?” Kentaro said, raising his eyebrows at Ranma. “Yeah, I know; it’s complicated” he said with a sigh when Ranma opened his mouth to reply.

“Ranma Saotome, prepare to die, you vile sorcerer!” yelled Kuno.

“Who’s that?” asked Kentaro, looking at the Kendo clad, bokken-wielding weirdo.

“Kuno” explained Ranma with a groan.

“Oh you have them here too? We have them at home as well” Kentaro said distastefully, as if explaining that his town was infested with rats, and then gasped when Kuno plastered himself against Kentaro. He blushed at how Kuno was touching him.

“Fair maiden let me rescue you from his vileness” Kuno declared, touching the lovely girl’s chest expecting to find soft breasts and then blushed when all he found was hard, male pecs. He looked up to see the other male looking flustered. “You’re a man?” he asked cautiously, he had been too bedazzled by the pretty features and abundant blonde hair to notice masculine body attached to ‘her’ head.

“Yes, last time I checked. Get your fifthly hands off me you fag!” he cried batting Kuno away with his spatula. Kentaro and Ranma watched as Kuno vanished into the sky, Ranma was struggling against laughter again. Yes, the other boy was facially pretty, but his body was obviously male! ‘How blind is Kuno?’ he mused looking at the blushing, angry looking Kentaro beside him.

“This happen to you a lot?” Ranma asked him.

“Yes, male and females, it’s like I emit some sort to pheromone that draws them to me” he explained. Ranma nodded, understanding fully. “So you have Kunos’ where you live?” he asked.

“Yes, I live in Kyoto, they’re known for being a very weird, perverted family” explained Kentaro.

“They are known as that here too. So you just witnessed” Ranma explained.

“Yes, there are two Kuno sisters that pursue me endlessly at home. I guess that I should be grateful that they don’t have a gay brother like the one I just met” Kentaro said sorely, wondering what managed to set Ranma off on a giggle fit yet again. ‘Perhaps there is acid in the water as I suspected’ he mused.

Ranma invited Kentaro into the Tendo house and was mildly irked at how all three of the Tendo girls seemed to appraise him longingly, even Akane. “Hello, I’m Kentaro Kobayashi. I hope that you don’t mind that Ranma invited me to dinner?” he said giving them a winning smile.

“If you need a place to stay; you can stay in my room” offered Nabiki in a flirtatious way.

“Oh my, Nabiki please stop making our guest feel uncomfortable” said Kasumi, who blushed along with Akane, Ranma and Kentaro.

“Just trying to be a gracious hostess” protested Nabiki in her usual, bored sounding tone of voice.

“Nabiki, Kentaro’s Ukyo’s husband” Ranma hissed.

“Kind of like Ukyo’s also your fiancée, along with Akane, Shampoo and Kodachi?” Nabiki asked.

“No, I’m actually married to Ukyo” said Kentaro, “I’ll explain over dinner” he told everyone. “Then you have to tell me your story” he prompted Ranma.

“Not a problem” Ranma replied.

Kentaro sat at the table; slowly eating. He had Saotomes’ and Tendos’ full attention during his tale. “My family and Ukyo’s have been in competition over being the best Okonomiyaki chef in all of Japan for centuries. They got so competitive that they made a martial arts school out of it using spatulas as weopons. This large one was designed by my great-great-great-grandfather” he explained. “Finally my mother invented the perfect sauce and she felt it was time to unite the families and promote peace. So what she did was suggest a marriage between Ukyo and I and in exchange, she would share her recipe with the Kuonji family. They agreed and we were wed before we could even walk”

“Is that even legal?” objected Ranma.

Kentaro winced “sadly yes, I hired one of the top divorce lawyers to check over our marriage certificate and the contract and he said that they are iron clad. Kind of puts a crimp in my dating life having to admit I’m married”

“Why tell girls at all? You could just lie” Nabiki suggested.

“That would be dishonest” Kentaro explained, giving her a guileless blue-eyed stare.

“All of that over a sauce!” Ranma said.

“And to join our two families in the martial arts school” Kentaro said. “But you probably think it is pretty silly to marry two children for that reason,” he said with a blush.

Ranma focused on his father “I certainly agree” he said coldly. The he focused back on Kentaro “The thing I don’t get is: how come Ukyo doesn’t know that she’s married?”

“That’s easy, her father only married into her mother’s family and didn’t want his daughter to be used as a pawn this way, so he took her in the night and became a travelling chef. I understand that he lost his business through uncouth means; to a man he had offered Ukyo to in marriage with his son, then stole her father’s cart and left Ukyo behind. How a grown man could be so cruel to a little girl, I’ll never know? Her father must have been too disgraced to return home, because he and Ukyo were never seen again. It was only recently that I discovered of her whereabouts. Her father’s action caused a rift in the families and the marriage was hushed up, but never dissolved” he explained.

Ranma glared at Genma “someone stole his cart, eh?” he repeated. The older male blushed and then dumped a glass of water of his head ‘Don’t blame the panda’ the sheepish, looking panda’s sign read.

“You” said Kentaro, he must have been getting used to the general eccentricity of the place, because the fact that a man had just became a panda at the dinner table didn’t faze him.

“Yeah, that was my pop and myself” Ranma explained. “I was three at the time. That is how I got fiancée number one, now let me tell you the rest” he said and explained the other fiancées. Kentaro could only listen in fascination, marveling that there was a person in an even worse situation then himself.

“Couldn’t you just simply tell the one you want of your choice, get properly engaged and then tell the others of your decision” he suggested. Causing Ranma to involuntarily glace at Akane beside him, then blush and look away before she caught his look. ‘Ah, so his choice is made in his heart at least’ mused Kentaro, envying him.

“Yes, if I wanted to be killed by a crazed Gymnast, Chef or Amazon, along with the girl I chose” he explained.

“You forgot to mention Akane” Nabiki observed, causing both Ranma and Akane to blush.

“Wouldn’t that she’s already married get rid of Ukyo?” asked Kasumi.

“Well, that remains to be seen; I’m here to meet her in person and give her to option of becoming my wife in truth. But if she chooses to reject me, then I’ll just grant her a divorce. I’m not going to force my presence on someone who doesn’t want it.” Kentaro explained.

“You should tell her soon” said Ranma, and then stole another involuntary look at Akane.

“You’re right; I’ll go there right after dinner” Kentaro resolved.

“Just out of curiousity, what sorts of girls do you like?” asked Ranma.

Kentaro blushed “I don’t think that the dinner table is an appropriate place for a locker room type discussion” he chided, glancing apologetically at ladies.

“It’s okay, we’d like to know too” replied Akane, “though gentlemanly manner are appreciated” she said, glaring at Ranma.

Kentaro thought about it “well, it’s hard to say. I haven’t been allowed to date for obvious reasons. I seem to be drawn to girls that are really feminine I suppose” he said, and then wondered why everyone started laughing

Kentaro knocked nervously on Ukyo’s door, wondering if she’d let a stranger into her house.

“Hi can I help you Sugar?” asked the same dark haired girl from before, she smiled at him in a friendly manner. She still wore the same outfit, but seemed to have removed her breast binding, Kentaro thought, and then forced himself to stop checking that area. He focused his eyes on her politely smiling face, hoping that she hadn’t spotted his little indiscretion.

“Hello, my name is Kentaro” he said, waiting to see if the name meant anything to her; it didn’t.

“Are you a new challenger of my Ran-chan?” she asked as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

“In a manner of speaking, I suppose so. Though it’s not him that I seek” he said gathering up the courage to tell her what Kentaro was to her. He thought if he just spat it out, she would be startled at first and then invite him in so that they could talk. . He would present his evidence and they would decide what to do about the situation like reasonable human beings. He doubted a decent young woman would invite a strange man into her apartment otherwise. At least that is what he thought would happen when he opened up his mouth and said “Ukyo, I am your husband.” He waited for her reaction and waited and waited.

Sadly, what actually happened was she delivered an open handed slap to his left cheekbone and screamed “you jackass!” at him.