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Tell the Northern Lights to Keep Shining	By : QueenHimiko Category: +S to Z > Slayers Views: 3352 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Slayers, I make no profit.

Chapter List
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AN: Chapter title is from "Tourniquet" by Evanescence. Warnings for graphic violence and depictions of rape below.

They said little as they ate ice cream on a bench in the town square. Anyone who knew them well would have known right off the bat that something was amiss as they weren’t engaging in their usual food fight. Lina was having a hard time looking at him and spent an unusually long time eating her ice cream as she kept glancing at the mountains in the distance. Gourry kept giving her sidelong glances, his blue eyes brimming with questions he was too scared to ask and heavy with guilt.

He felt like the world’s worst failure. Where had he been when she was attacked? And why hadn’t he been there to stop it? Guilt seemed to be eating him alive. After making protecting her the meaning of his life how could he have done nothing while she was being raped in the room next to his? How could he have heard nothing? Had he stepped out to go to the bathroom? Had someone cast a spell on him that made him sent him into an unusually heavy sleep? As desperate as he was to learn the answer, one glance at Lina told him that it was not the time to ask.

After untold hours of crying she had dried her tears and left briefly to change into some homespun clothes the healers had on hand. They were too big for her, giving her the vulnerable appearance of a child playing dress up. That she had been unable to meet his eye added to her assailable affect. He had an urgent desire to do something to cheer her up so he offered to take her out for ice cream. Other than nodding her assent she had barely acknowledged that he was there.

It was terrifying to see the usually carefree and happy woman who was so strong and confident look so weak and broken. Hatred flowed, deep and strong, for the ones who had done this to her. He wondered who they were, how he could find them, and just how badly he could make them pay.

He glanced at her. Her ice cream was melting off the cone and starting to dribble onto her hand. That was a guaranteed first for her. “Don’t you like it?” he asked.

“Huh?” she asked.

“The ice cream.”

“Oh.” She said as if noticing it for the first time as she licked it. “Delicious. It doesn’t compare to what you would find in Seyruun, but it’s not bad.”

“So, what now?”

“Well, we need to get our stuff from the campsite. Then I guess we should continue on our way to Rolat.”

He wished she would look at him. “To find a new sword?”

“Hasn’t that been the mission since you returned the Sword of Light?” she asked as she stared at her ice cream cone.

“So we’re not tracking anyone down and seeking revenge?”

Her grip tightened, causing the cone to crack. “There’s no need.” She said quietly, a dangerous edge of anger in her voice, “I took care of it.” She thought for a moment before adding, “Do you really think so little of me as to imagine that I would have gone so long without making them pay?”

“That’s not what I meant!”

“I know what you meant!” she snapped as she threw the cone on the ground and stood up, anger radiating from her in waves. “Come on, let’s get going before someone goes and pilfers our stuff.”

He stared after her as she got up and headed out of town for a second before getting up to follow her. What had he said wrong? And what did she mean by “take care of it?” He had so many questions! Were they dead? Severely wounded? Had she taken care of them that night or had she somehow managed to slip out at some point and time and taken them down without him noticing she was gone? He stared at her as they walked in silence, his questions piling up like a heavy snowfall.

What must he think of me now? Lina wondered as she noticed him staring at her, his expression deliberately neutral. Yes, he was still with her. He’d made no noise about parting ways. He’d even said it wasn’t her fault. And she would still give anything for him not to know. Because now he was obsessing over it. She could tell from the sidelong glances and how he seemed to be handling her like fine glass and making ridiculous statements. Did he honestly think that she was so weak that she would let the people who had done this go so long unpunished? It aggravated her!

And how could she have been so careless the previous night in the first place? What had possessed her to take such drastic measures? Why hadn’t she have just taken a chance and gone to a herbalist? It would have meant finding some place to ditch Gourry for a few hours, but she was sure she could have thought of some plausible reason that he could have bought. But then going to a herbalist would have meant admitting to a stranger that she had an unwanted pregnancy, which would have been exceedingly difficult. She had never dreamed she would be in that situation. It only happens to girls who are too loose with the prize after all. She cringed as she wondered what that said about her now.

Still, it would have been better to tell a complete stranger that she would never see again than telling Gourry about that night.

Plain and simple, she hadn’t been thinking. She’d been in a complete state of panic and had acted rashly. It hadn’t been the first time, and it likely wouldn’t be the last. Her desperation to return everything to normal had gotten in the way of her better judgment. And now her secret was out.

And all she wanted to do was to forget it. And she knew damn well that she couldn’t if he didn’t. And she had a bad feeling that this was going to be one of those things that she wished he would forget but never would.

The trees began to multiply as the houses thinned out and eventually disappeared altogether. Soon they had found the place they had camped at the previous night. “Good, it looks like it is all here.” Lina said as she started rummaging through her stuff and pulled out a fresh set of clothes from her mantle. “I’m going to go change. Be right back!” she said with a wink as she went into the trees.

Gourry started to pack up his bedroll and tent as he kept his ears peeled. Eventually she returned and he relaxed a little. It was good to see her back in her sorceress garment. She seemed more confident and at ease, more like the woman he knew. She ran a hand through her hair and then started to help with breaking up camp. “Where do you want to stay tonight?” Gourry asked.

“Huh?” she replied stupidly.

“Are you fine in an inn? Or would camping out be better?”

Lina looked up at the sky, “The weather’s good. No need to waste money on a crappy inn.”

He nodded, and together they set back on the road. “Lina, I have to know how I failed you.”

“What?” she asked tiredly, not really sure what he was asking.

“Did they use magic? Something where I couldn’t hear what was happening? I need to know what I could have done different, so I can make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

She brushed her hair behind her ears. Her hands were shaking, and she nervously tried to cover it up by keeping them busy. “Just forget that it happened.”

“You say that like it’s easy…”

“I’m saying that because it’s not!” she yelled as she walked faster, “Do you think I want to remember any of it? The more questions you ask the more I keep thinking about it! And I don’t want to! Stop asking me things!”

He looked at her sympathetically. He knew from experience just how hard it is to stop thinking about traumatic things. They always find a way to sneak into your consciousness. You had to find a way to make some sort of peace with them. He bit his tongue as he remembered what a long process that was.

They walked in silence until dusk came and they started to set up camp. “Goodnight.” She said as she casually got out her short sword and lay on her side, keeping it within her grasp. That was new. She usually only did that when they were on bodyguard duty.

He was relieved that she fell asleep quickly. She needed the rest. Sleep was harder for him to obtain. He was terrified that someone would attack, or that she would get up and wander off and do something stupid. Eventually he drifted off into an uneasy sleep and was woken by the sound of Lina thrashing wildly on her bedroll.

“No!” she cried as her hand tightened around her sword and she unsheathed it as she rolled to her feet, ready to attack. Gourry stood up cautiously.

“Lina.” He whispered.

She looked around the campsite frantically. Dawn was approaching, and the world was starting to be bathed in a warm orange glow. She took a deep breath as she lowered her sword. “A bad dream.” She muttered as she put her sword away and started to rummage into her mantle for hair brush. “Do you ever have bad dreams?”

“Yes.” He said quietly.

She started to brush her hair as she sat down. “What about?” she asked.

He thought for a moment before getting his own brush out, wondering if it was the right time to tell her. He sat down and took a deep breath. “A lot of things. Some of the battles we’ve fought. You getting hurt. My family.”

For the first time since the previous morning she looked at him. “Your family? What happened to them? You never talk about them.”

“Because I don’t like to think about them. The past is the past.” He said as he started to brush his hair.

She glanced at him as if she was gauging whether or not she should ask another question, “Oh.”

“Since I was born there was a feud over who had the rightful claim to the Sword of Light. My father was one of a set of triplets, and there were three factions fighting for it. Some felt my father had the rightful claim, others either one of my uncles. And since the time I could hold a sword I was trained to defend my father’s claim to it. Even if it meant spilling the blood of relatives.”

Her curiosity got the better or her. “Did you?” she asked.

He ignored her question, “There were rules. We Gabrievs do have a strict code of honor. You don’t attack when people are asleep or when their back is turned. You fight fair. If you followed those rules, then it was okay to kill your kin.

“There were plots. Alliances were formed and broken. You were never really sure who was and who wasn’t on your side, well, with the exception of my uncles, who I knew wanted me dead. I couldn’t even trust my own brother. I was always on alert. An attack could start at any time.

“There were the neutral people. My grandmother. The fighting between my dad and uncles broke her heart. But she refused to get involved. Other people who wanted to remain neutral ended up dead. She was the only one who was successful in staying out of it. I was her favorite, and she was the only one I knew I could trust. She was the one who taught me how to be a human being.”

“So whose side were you on?” she asked.

“I’d like to think I was on the side of the whole family.” He said, “Truthfully I didn’t think a sword was worth the price in blood. I could never get my father to see that. I would avoid fights when I could, and if I couldn’t I would try to maim rather than kill. It made my father so mad. He kept saying that my grandmother was ruining me with her ideas. And then there was my brother.”

“I didn’t even know you had a brother. I guess you two weren’t very close.”

“No. He wanted the sword for himself. All my life it was in my father’s possession, and I guess Gunther didn’t want to wait for it or risk losing it to another family member. One day he tried to kill my father.”

“What?”

Gourry nodded grimly, “Gunther got sloppy. He was a good enough swordsman but he couldn’t strategize to save his life. Or maybe it was just his bad luck. But I came in when he tried to murder our father. Gunther and I fought, and when the battle was over I was the last one standing.”

“Gourry,” Lina whispered.

“My father survived, but barely. And when all was said and done, when the sun set that night I was someone who had killed his own brother.”

“But it wasn’t like you had had much of a choice!” Lina interjected.

Gourry shrugged, “If I had been a better swordsman, then maybe I could have maimed him. If I’d not let my emotions take over me then maybe I could have disarmed him. It was drilled into me daily the dangers of becoming too emotional! I thought about that day over and over and wondered what I could have done different.”

“That’s stupid.” Lina said decidedly, “If you’re going to kill someone then you’d better be prepared to be killed right back. It wasn’t your fault.”

He looked at her like he had her cornered. She didn’t have much time to puzzle over it. “I know that now.” He said, “But not then. It took a few years, but I learned to forgive myself.”

There was a meaningful silence as he held her gaze, as if willing her to grasp a point. Then he continued, “It was the final straw for me. I hated the sword. I always wondered if Gunther and I would have been more brotherly if he had not seen me as competition from the moment I was born. I thought about how if we weren’t fighting all of the time then may be would could act like a family. The sword wasn’t worth the cost in blood. I knew it. My grandmother knew it. But I didn’t know how to make them see it.

“The night after I killed Gunther I stayed up and thought about how to make them see it. And then it occurred to me that if the sword wasn’t there, well, then they can’t fight over it, can they?”

“So you stole it!” she yelled.

He nodded. “I knew I would be cut off forever. I’m still not sure what would happen if they tracked me down, or if they’re even trying to. I hope that they settled their differences, but I have no way of knowing for sure.”

Silence pervaded the camp as Lina looked at him as though she was seeing him for the first time, “You always seem so happy and carefree. I never would have guessed.”

“What makes you think I’m not happy and carefree? You have to move forward.” He said.

She thought for a moment before asking, “How did you do that?”

He smiled at her as he stood up, “With time. I’m hungry. Why don’t we find a town that’s serving breakfast?” he asked as he held out his hand, “Pancakes?”

***

“Looks like rain.” Gourry commented as he glanced at the gathering storm clouds.

Lina nodded glumly. “I guess we’d better stay in an inn tonight.”

“You sure?” he asked.

“Well, I’m never going to get comfortable if I don’t start learning how to sleep in one again, aren’t I?”

They walked in silence for a moment before he tentatively asked, “I know you want to forget it, but I need to know if there’s anything I can do to prevent it from happening again.”

For some reason she closed her eyes as a look of shame washed over her face. It was gone in a blink as she said, “Don’t worry about that. It won’t be an issue tonight.”

“But…”

“If you’re so nervous about it then why don’t we share a room tonight?” she snapped.

He nearly stopped in his tracks. Yes, it was not unheard of for them to share a room, but usually that only happened when the inn was booked. Still, he could understand the mentality of safety in numbers. “If you’re comfortable with that.”

Lina trudged on in silence, arms folded across her stomach. The cloudy day seemed to mirror her mood. Yes, he was merely concerned for her wellbeing. And it was frustrating being treated like fine glass. She felt as though she had changed from being strong to a weakling overnight in his eyes. It weighed heavily on her as the rain started falling from the sky.

By the time they reached the inn they were soaked to the skin. They booked a room, stowed their stuff in it while they availed themselves of the baths, and then met up for supper. Gourry was pleased to note that her appetite had returned. He even held back during their food fight to let her win. He thought he was being considerate. The last thing he wanted to do was get too rough after what happened. But his restraint only seemed to aggravate her. But then, everything seemed to these days.

He noted that the restaurant was packed with travelers desperate to get out of the storm. Already the ale was flowing, and though someone who did not know her as well as he would not have noticed, he could see that she was alert. Was she scared that someone from that night was in the crowd? Or was the mere act of being in an inn so terrifying?

The hail beat down heavily on the roof, drowning out the sounds of drunken folk songs from below as they made their way to their room. He worked to contain his nerves as he kept his eyes and ears peeled. He hadn’t noticed anyone pay them any undue attention, but then someone had slipped his guard that night. He didn’t want to make the same mistake twice.

Lina unlocked their room and promptly seated herself at the small desk and took off her mantle. Gourry sat on the bed and took out his sword to sharpen it. While he did that Lina rummaged through her belongings and pulled out a pile of gemstones she had looted. She got out some supplies and set to work on creating some amulets.

Lina’s thoughts drifted as she settled into the routine of making amulets and the sounds of hail faded, allowing the off key melodies of drunken singing to permeate the room. Lina took a deep breath and closed her eyes and counted backwards from ten. Sometimes it helped.

This time it didn’t. It didn’t help that it was the same song that the one holding the ax to her throat was singing that night. He was horrifyingly inebriated. His grip on the ax was sloppy, and Lina could feel the blood trailing down her neck, hot and thick. She didn’t dare move. All things considered she liked having her head attached to her body, and they had already proved that they had no qualms about killing her. While she wanted to close her eyes to block out what was happening, she was also too scared to take her eyes off the one with the ax. So she bit into the cloth they had used to gag her and tolerated the pain as best she could.

There were two others in the room. One was watching by the foot of the bed as he laughed and insulted her while preparing himself for his next turn. Aside from a feeling of dread and wondering just how many turns a man could take in one night, he was the least of her worries. The one between her legs was doing things that were unpleasant, humiliating and agonizingly painful, but would not kill her. The one with the ax could. It consumed her attention, and she knew her survival depended on watching the movements of the one with the ax.

The ax wielder stopped singing so that he could chug some whiskey straight from the bottle with his free hand. Her breathing hitched as he inadvertently pressed the ax deeper into her throat. More blood spilled as tears trailed from her eyes. It was all she could do to keep her breathing steady. Panicking wouldn’t help anything. But being gagged meant that getting the air she needed was harder than usual. It was hard not to panic!

The one between her legs moved in a different pattern, causing the pain to intensify. The gag muffled her cries as she reflexively jerked, cutting her neck even more in the process. Her arms started flailing as her resolve not to panic snapped. Containing the pain between her legs while lying still seemed impossible, but moving meant risking slitting her throat in the process! Awkwardly she tried to move while keeping her neck still.

“Better lay off a bit, unless you want to fuck a corpse.” The one between her legs said to the one with the ax as he continued to molest her.

It was a relief when she felt the ax’s sharp blade roll away from her neck as the third one’s grip loosened and he tumbled to the floor. The second one pointed at him and laughed. It took barely a second for her to register that her luck had finally turned. She grabbed the ax by its splintered, wooden handle and summoned each ounce of strength she had remaining to sit up and bury it in the stomach of the one between her thighs.

The force sent him back against the wall as his guts spilled out, splattering her legs and feet. He made a weird choking sound as blood spilled from his mouth while Lina worked to pull the ax out of him, stunned by how difficult it was. “Hey!” one of the other attackers called. She let go of the handle and swiftly sent an upper cut his way, rendering him unconscious. The third one was still on the ground, asleep in a pile of his own vomit.

She removed the gag and turned her attention back to the one she had gutted. He was still alive. She supposed that if she got him to a healer then and there he could recover. But why would she let someone who had raped her live to tell the tale? As the ax was not a weapon she had trained in, she went to her bed and grabbed her sword. Her eyes narrowed in hatred as she slit his throat. It was too good of a death for him. She would have preferred to let him bleed out in agony. She looked at the other two. Hatred pounded within her head and heart. She snarled as she cut the throat of the second one and then the third.

A quick death in their sleep was more than they deserved. But it was all that she had time for.

She stood still for a moment as she tried to think over the pounding of her head. Had they woken anyone up? The last thing she needed was some curious do-gooder coming in to make sure everything was okay, especially if it was Gourry. She shuddered to think of what would happen if he came in to see her naked and covered in blood and guts, surrounded by the bodies of three naked men.

She exhaled as she heard no sound of footfalls. The inn was quiet, all of its other occupants seemingly still asleep. She checked to make sure that her three attackers were dead, ignoring the pain that seared her genitals as she did. First she had to make sure the scene was secure, then she could think about the nature of the second step.

She shivered in the cold. Clothing! She needed to find something to wear. She grabbed her mantle, and then panicked as she realized she was getting blood and guts all over it. She dropped it and went over to the washstand. She poured some water into it and started to scrub her hands. The water in the basin quickly became blood red. She grabbed the towel and dried herself off and then stole glance down her body. There was blood, some of it her attackers’, some of it hers. Fresh blood from her wounds still coursed down her legs and neck. “Recovery.” She said as she put her hand to a cut on her neck, deciding that healing her neck wounds should be a step above clothing.

She knew that she should see a healer to tend to her wounds. She also knew she could not do that. If she left for a healer now she would likely not get back until other people in the inn were up. And while they wouldn’t hear anything, surely someone would notice the stench of blood and guts and death permeating her room and call the innkeeper. And then if Gourry was that person he would just come right in. He had a key. Going to a healer was out. She would have to do the best with her abilities.

She felt the eyes of the three dead men staring at her as she healed herself. It felt as if they were burning a hole in her back with their eyes. She shifted uncomfortably as she tried to tell herself she was being silly and to think of the next step. But thinking was hard when your mind was stupid from shock and one glass of wine too many.

Once she was satisfied that she wasn’t going to bleed to death from a neck wound she dug into her mantle and grabbed a robe she had been meaning to throw out for a while anyway and wrapped it around her. She did not want to stay an extra minute in the room than she had to. There was a private bath down the hallway. If she could make it there without running into anyone then she could cast a long healing spell and wash herself thoroughly and think about her next move.

She gathered her stuff, debating about whether or not to send off some sleeping spells into some of the neighboring rooms. Especially Gourry’s. He had to have been drunk to have slept through as much as he had. That man’s senses were preternaturally sharp. Still, she would not count on her luck to hold out once he woke up. Surely he would smell the scent of blood and guts that filled her room. And then he would have questions.

Deciding that she would work something out she walked over to the wall that separated their rooms and sent off a sleep spell. Satisfied that he wouldn’t catch her in a compromising position she gingerly opened the door and peered out into the hallway. It was empty. Slowly she set out, trying to walk as normally as possible as blood and other fluids coursed down her legs. It was agony, but she gritted her teeth and bore it quietly as she made her way to the washroom.

It was a relief when she got there, sat her stuff down and locked the door. She tried to sit down but gave up when she found that was too painful. Her tormentors had been anything but gentle and had done a number on her. She stood awkwardly, legs splayed as she cast a recovery spell over her genitals. Gradually the pain seeped away, leaving the humiliation in its wake. How could this have happened to her?

It wasn’t as if she got drunk often! They’d gotten a few bottles of wine in appreciation for helping some nobleman. Coming from Zefiria, Lina was something of a wine snob. And the bottles he gave were excellent. She and Gourry had shared a bottle or two over dinner. Once again, it was not something they were used to doing. Both preferred to stay alert given their dangerous lifestyle. But surely everyone should have the opportunity to let their hair down once in a while?

Now she struggled to remember whether or not she had even remembered to lock her door.

Good girls don’t get drunk. It was what they had said when they woke her. She seethed. It was not the first time she had heard such a sentiment. Would Gourry feel the same way?

Once she had finished healing her wounds as best she could, she filled a bucket with water and poured it over herself and started scrubbing vigorously. She felt disgusting. Her body was covered in blood and guts and sweat and semen. She started at the top, washing her hair before moving to cleanse the blood from her neck. As she moved lower to her chest and arms she felt a dull ache in her head and eyes. Dammit, she wanted to cry! But she did not want to show weakness again either.

She paused to take a deep breath and will the feeling away before washing her arms. Her biceps ached from where they had been grasped too tightly and she could see the bruises forming on them. She stopped bathing herself to cast another spell, and once she was satisfied that someone looking at her arms would not notice any bruising she continued down.

Cleaning between her thighs was hard. Despite the healing spell she was still sore and tender. She knew she needed a longer one. There had been a lot of damage and bruises were forming on the inside of her thighs. But time was not a luxury she had. She would have to settle for getting as clean as it was possible to get.

This time when the pressure in her head built she could not hold back the tears as the feelings of shame rose up and overpowered her. This was not something that happened to strong women like her! What did it say about her that it had happened? The answers were too horrible to contemplate on, but it didn’t stop her from doing so. She had once believed herself strong and unbeatable. Now she knew she was not. The mighty had fallen.

She continued to scrub through the tears. She scrubbed so fiercely that she hurt herself. But she needed to get as clean as possible. If she didn’t then people would be able to look at her and know that she was now a fallen woman, unclean and corrupted. She did not want anyone to know!

Finally she worked down to her toes and decided that she was as clean as she would ever get. She filled the bucket a few times and poured the water over herself, letting the gunk wash down the drain. She toweled herself dry and dressed. It felt comforting to be back in her sorceresses garb. She left the robe on the bench and slowly opened the door and peered out into the hallway again.

Slowly she walked down it and towards Gourry’s room. Walking still caused some discomfort but at least she wasn’t limping. Under her sleep spell he would not wake for a few more hours. That would give her all of the time she needed. She opened his door and slowly stepped inside. He was sprawled on the bed, snoring lightly, his sword by his side. Fortunately he had not even removed his armor, and as far as she could tell he had all of his stuff on him. She took his sword and opened the window. She grabbed his hand and cast a levitation spell, and together they floated out of the inn.

Once she got a good distance she sat them down and cast a ray wing spell and hightailed it out of there. He slept peacefully as she controlled the spell, deciding it was time to test whether or not he meant what he said when he explained that when he got drunk he never remembered anything about the previous night. She would be busted if he remembered falling asleep in an inn and woke up in a campsite. Still, it was a risk she had to take.

Once she felt that they had put some good distance between themselves and the inn she sat them down in the woods. She got out his bedroll and moved him into it and quickly set up her stuff. She then got out their outdoor cooking supplies and set about to making breakfast, hoping that her ruse would work.

By the time she had finished making breakfast he was sitting up, looking slightly bewildered. “Did we camp out last night?”

Her heart beat rapidly in her chest as she handed him a plate laden with bacon, biscuits and eggs. “Don’t you remember anything?” she said as exasperatedly as possible, “The marker for the next town must have been off, and we thought we could make it when we obviously couldn’t. So we had to camp out in the middle of nowhere.”

He thought for a moment as he swallowed his bacon, “Damn, I don’t remember a thing about last night!”

She relaxed as she grabbed her own plate. She really wasn’t hungry. What had happened the previous night had thoroughly turned her stomach. But she knew she had to make the appearance of being hungry so that he wouldn’t suspect anything. “You really are an idiot.” She said as jovially as she could.

***

“Lina?” he asked, pulling her from her reverie.

“Huh?” she said as she blinked, memories of that night thankfully fading.

“You okay?”

“Of course I am.” She gritted, “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“It’s just that you’ve been working on that amulet for the past five minutes.”

“Oh.” She said as she realized that he was right. “Well, some amulets are tricky little buggers.”

“Why have you been making so many lately anyway?”

“Well, we need to make sure we have plenty of money in case we need to barter for your new sword.”

“New sword?” he asked.

She sighed. She could have sworn that she had explained it to him at some point, though she didn’t mind too much. It was a welcome diversion from the unwanted path her thoughts had strayed to. And thankfully the party downstairs seemed to have quieted. “A while back ago I found an article that said that two hundred years ago the Baron of Rolat had recovered the Blast Sword. We’re going to meet the descendants of this Baron to find if it is true and what his buying price is. So we need to make sure we have a lot of money set aside.”

“Do you really think that the Baron would give his sword away for a sack full of money?” Gourry asked.

Lina shrugged, “Everyone has their buying price.”

He clucked, “The only way the people in my family would give up the Sword of Light was if you took it from their cold, dead hands.”

Lina frowned. He had a point. “Well, the people in your family were swordsmen, right? The Baron of Rolat is a musician. Surely he’d be willing to part with a sword he would never use. If he has it, that is.”

Gourry shrugged as he sat his sword down. “If you say so. I can sleep on the floor tonight.”

Her eyebrow twitched, “I don’t want you to treat me any differently.”

Without further comment she took off her boots as he regarded her, feeling that any move he made would be the wrong one. She set her sword under her pillow before pulling the covers down and getting into bed. He remembered the second night they had had to share a room. She had recently defeated that big monster and he was well aware of the fact that while he was head over ears in love with her, she was still young. She was fifteen. Making any romantic move was out of the question until she was older.

Still, she had insisted that he treat her like any other comrade in arms. He did to a point. He let her sleep under the covers while he slept over them. It had suited them well enough through the years whenever they needed to. But that first night was nerve wracking. Knowing she was so close but off limits was sexually frustrating. But he was a grown man. He could control himself.

And now here he was again, getting in bed with her and full of ambivalence. The last thing he wanted to do was roll over on her or trigger some unpleasant memory. But then by trying to protect he just seemed to be aggravating her further. Deciding that it would be better to do as she wanted he took off his boots and armor and set them on the floor. He grabbed his sword and climbed into bed, careful not to intrude on her side and space. He put his sword within easy reach. “Night.”

She replied in kind. He sat there, not even bothering to close his eyes as he worked on getting to a point where he would be comfortable falling asleep. His love for her was unacknowledged and unconsummated, and it made sharing a bed with her that much harder. It was why he had such a hard time treating her like just another comrade in arms. She was so much more.

She was now past the age that he had set so long ago when he told himself that it would be okay to court her. She was a grown woman. She hadn’t gotten any taller, but she had filled out a little and developed some curves. The age where he had told himself that he would tell her had come and passed, with him remaining silent. It was hard to change something that had always been that way.

And now he wished he had said something earlier. May be if he had she wouldn’t have been alone that night. Either way, now that it had happened, telling her just didn’t seem right at the moment. She was already recovering from a huge amount of trauma. What she needed most was stability, for things to be the way they always had been. The least he could do was provide her with that.

And keep his eye out for any sign of someone who might harm her. While he could sense no feelings of malice or bloodlust, he knew how quickly things could change. He was wondering if he should do a quick patrol when he sensed that she was moving.

Her hand reached out and found his and clasped it tightly. His eyes widened in surprise. She had never done that before. Within five minutes her breathing became regular and peaceful. She was asleep. For the first time in two months she was asleep in an inn. He let go of a breath he was holding, relishing in the feeling of her small hand in his. She was putting a lot of trust in him. He’d better not let her down again.
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Tell the Northern Lights to Keep Shining