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Tell the Northern Lights to Keep Shining	By : QueenHimiko Category: +S to Z > Slayers Views: 3351 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Slayers, I make no profit.

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"Then I Heard You Scream From the Other Side of the Mountain" Tori Amos

AN: The title for this fic is from "Amber Waves" by Tori Amos. This title for this first chapter is from "Star Whisperer", also by Tori Amos.

Helen Keller once said: "Although the world is full of suffering , it also full of overcoming it." This is a tale of the healing journey from trauma. Based on my experiences of working with strong people who have moved on from horrific experiences and gone on to live happy, productive lives and dedicated to them.

Something reminiscent of a cry for help pulled him from sleep. He felt like a downing swimmer who had just surfaced as he gathered his bearings. What had woken him? The smell of blood registered in his nostrils and he became more alert. His heart racing he checked the camp site. He stood up when he realized that Lina was not there.

“Lina!” He shouted as his hand grabbed his sword, gaining comfort in the feel of the cold hilt and rough leather.

His ears strained for some sounds, but all he could hear was the wind through the trees and the chirping of crickets. Nothing helpful. In the dark he could not see the camp well enough to gather many clues, other than being able to deduce that she most likely had left of her own free will. There was no obvious sign of a struggle.

“Lina!” He bellowed at the top of his lungs as he started to search the perimeter of the camp for some sign of where she went.

It wouldn’t have been the first time she took off during the night to attack a bandit camp. But the lack of noise and explosions led him to dismiss that possibility. It was always ridiculously easy to track her when she did that. His gut told him that something else was going on. Something related to the strange ways she had been acting lately.

For the past several weeks she had been too cheerful. He had the feeling she was putting on a mask to cover some deep pain. The moments of intense depression he’d see flash across her eyes when she thought he wasn’t looking confirmed this. And then today that mask seemed to crumble and crack, exposing the despair she was truly feeling. And the fear. Something had terrified her so badly that she did not even feel comfortable talking to him about it. It was as frustrating as it was baffling.

Whatever it was kept her awake at night. He could hear her pacing in her room or practicing spells or making amulets. She’d come down for breakfast with circles under her eyes and some lame excuse about just not being tired. The fact that she had stopped eating and was throwing up mystified him. He was not sure how that fit into the puzzle. Had someone tried to blackmail her by poisoning her? Had she met with some dark character to get an antidote? His mind worked over time to try to figure it out.

“Lina, please!” he called as he felt his heart breaking as panic broke through the surface of his emotions. He took a deep breath. He needed to calm down. She had left all of her stuff at the camp site, indicating that she was not parting ways in the night. The scent of blood was another indication that something had not gone the way she had planned. He was certain that somewhere close by she was hurt. He tried to not think about the possibility that she could be dead. He wouldn’t be able to help her if he couldn’t keep it together. He had to calm down!

The wind changed, the scent of blood growing stronger as it did. He took off against it. She had to be somewhere that way. It paid off. He heard the sound of laughter, her laughter. She was alive! Relief swept through him as he was able to discern her lying propped up against a tree. “Lina!”

She lifted her head up. A welcome sign. He knelt beside her and put a hand on her shoulder, scanning her for injuries. She wiped some blood from her mouth. Her other hand was covered in blood. But where was it from? Her clothes were not torn. “Go away.” She said.

She had to have been attacked. But he could sense no other presence. “Is it gone?” he asked, and then he inhaled as he finally saw that the blood was soaking through her leggings. The wound must be in her lower extremities. Still, he could not find it. And why wasn’t she casting a healing spell?

He couldn’t staunch a wound he couldn’t find. He started to panic.

“Not yet, go away.” She said as her head started to lilt to the side. He grabbed her cheeks.

“Stay with me!” he yelled, “What’s out there? What did this to you?”

The paleness of her face seemed to be emphasized in the moonlight. “It’s over.” She said, her voice was slurred, “I ended it.”

She wasn’t making any sense. He reasoned that blood loss must have made her incoherent. He did a quick scan of the woods. As far as he could tell there was nothing dangerous out there. Whoever or whatever had attacked her must have left. While picking her up and running put him in a vulnerable position should whatever it was come back, if he didn’t get her to a healer soon she would bleed to death.

He scooped her up and she stiffened and brought her arms around for an attack, “No!” she yelled, “Don’t make me! Stop, please…stop.”

Her voice trailed off as she lost consciousness. Gourry reined his fear in as he ran to the nearest town. He did not like the fact that he could feel her blood seeping into his shirt. Wherever it was coming from she seemed to be losing too much blood too fast.

“Please stay with me.” He thought as he ran faster than he could ever remember in his life. “Please. You’re everything to me.”

***

“Get her on the bed.” The older woman barked.

Gourry did as asked and then stood back. She looked deathly pale, but she was alive. He grabbed her hand as the healers examined her. Her gloves were soaked in blood, and the mere action of grabbing her hand caused a horrible squelching sound to emanate. In the brightly lit room he could see that it was pouring from her crotch. It made even less sense.

“Looks like a miscarriage.” The older woman said as she felt along Lina’s abdomen. “How far along is she?”

Miscarriage? Had he heard that right? Lina could not be pregnant. There was no way! “She’s not pregnant.” He stated dumbly.

“Listen, I don’t care if you’re married or not, if she slept with one man or hundreds, but whatever the facts are she is pregnant and she is losing the baby. I need you to completely honest with me.”

Gourry stared at her in shock. “She can’t be. She’s a virgin.”

The younger woman unabashedly removed Lina’s pants and Gourry turned away as the older woman continued. “Well then she’s getting between the sheets with someone you don’t know about. I can save her, but I don’t think there’s any hope for the baby.”

Lina will be okay. He told himself. The healers had to be wrong. It must have been some spell or attack that made it look that way. There was no way she could have taken a lover without him noticing! He was with her every day, for every moment of it. Sometimes every night if they camped out or had to share a room at a crowded inn. He could always tell when she was having a restless night or difficulty sleeping. He knew when she snuck out to hunt bandits. He would have heard if she had taken a lover.

And it wasn’t as if they had been staying any place long enough to meet someone. And it was not as if he’d noticed her paying attention to anyone. And he would have noticed. It was inconceivable that she could have met someone, formed a relationship and slept with him without Gourry being aware of it.

But then if she had been jilted, wouldn’t that explain her off behavior?

She will be all right. He said to himself to keep the sadness welling within him at bay. There was relief in the knowledge that she would live. It was tinged with immense disappointment in the fact that the lover she had chosen had not been him. The disappointment morphed into anger. After all that they had been through! Part of him knew that she had never made any commitment to him, that she was perfectly free to do as she pleased, but still. It hurt like hell that she might have seen someone else in the place that he had wanted for so long. But she will be all right!

He would be there for her. Someone had used her and left her alone and pregnant. That had to be it. She was young. He could forgive her. He could get over this. He would show her that no matter what, he would be there, waiting for the day that she saw him the same way he saw her. He would help her get through this.

But it made no sense! Sleeping around was just not something that Lina did! This was the Lina who flaunted her maidenhood and innocence after all! She wouldn’t even kiss whatsisname in the fake wedding ceremony for a ton of money. And there was little that Lina loved more than a ton of money. Someone who wouldn’t even kiss someone in a mock ceremony surely wasn’t the type for one night stands and secret rendezvous! It had to be a mistake.

“Definitely a miscarriage.” The younger woman said, putting the kibosh on the idea that it had to be some mistake.

“There’s no doubt?” Gourry asked. Once again he could not fathom how it could be that she was pregnant.

“None whatsoever.” The older woman said. “Looks like it had already passed before you got her here. It’s too late for the baby.”

“As long as you can save her.” He said softly as he felt his stomach drop. Behind him he heard the healer cast a spell and waited anxiously…

***

Slowly her eyes opened and took in the strange room. The healers had left, along with the remains of the child she had been carrying, and had given instructions that she take some herbs to make sure it had all been expelled and to seek help if she developed a fever. She had been dressed in a fresh gown and put into a clean bed. And Gourry was waiting beside her, anxious for her to wake up.

“Hey.” He said, hoping that he did not betray the nervousness he was feeling. He wanted to be supportive and understanding. He wanted things to work between them. And he felt betrayed and angry. Angry that she had somehow taken a lover behind his back. Angry that she hadn’t even told him she was pregnant.

Yes, he wanted things to work out. But he also wanted answers. And he knew that Lina was not going to give them easily. There was going to be a battle ahead.

“Hey.” She said softly. “Where are we?”

“Healer’s.” he said brusquely. It was time to figure out how much she knew. “What happened in the woods?”

“Hm,” she hummed a little too deliberately, “I’m not really sure. I was feeling restless and went to take a walk. I don’t know what happened next.”

Anger tore threw him, swift and sudden. She was lying. He’d traveled with her for a long time and it did not take long for him to learn that she could lie with ease when it suited her needs and how to tell when she was doing it.

“What don’t you want me to know?” he asked, his voice harsher than he wanted it to be.

Her next move surprised him. He was expecting her to yell or protest or lie some more. He was not expecting her to throw off the covers and leap out of bed. “Nothing. Where’s my stuff?” she asked.

Seeing that beating around the bush was not getting him anyone, he decided to lay his cards down. “Did you know about the baby?” He said, trying to keep his voice as even as possible.

She stopped in her tracks as her body stiffened, her eyes widening in panic. When she spoke her voice was low, raspy, and tinged with fear. “What baby?”

Did that mean she didn’t know? Or was she being evasive? His heart sank as he wondered how she would react when she found out that she had miscarried. “You were pregnant.” He said softly. She wrapped her arms around herself as she turned away from him.

“’Were?’ So it’s gone?” she asked, her voice as taunt as a thread about to snap.

“Yes, you lost it.”

She started trembling as whatever it was that held her together shattered. “Good!” she spat as she covered her face with her arms and collapsed onto the floor. She shuddered violently as she cried sobs so massive that they shook her from head to toe.

“Lina?” he gasped, stunned by her reaction. None of it made sense. If she was glad it was gone, why was she crying like this? He watched as she curled into a fetal position.

“I didn’t want you to know!” she moaned between sobs.

“That you were pregnant?” he asked as he knelt down beside her. He thought about her strange words earlier in the woods, how she said she had ended something. He thought about how scared she had been. Had she been scared not of some threat to the world, but of him finding out that she had been with someone? Had she deliberately cast a spell or something to terminate the pregnancy so he wouldn’t find out? His blood ran cold. Just what did she think of him?

She didn’t say anything as her sobs got louder. His patience was starting to run thin. He grabbed her by the arms and pulled her up to face him, “Lina, look, you’re a grown woman, you can sleep with whomever you like. It’s not my business. Just don’t go risking your life like that again, okay?”

He did not think it was possible for her to grow even paler, but somehow she managed it as her muscles tensed underneath his grip and her eyes dulled, “Let go of me.” She hissed.

He did as she asked, wondering why she seemed so petrified as she breathed deeply, obviously trying to calm and collect herself. Did she think he was going to hurt her? It only aggravated him further. “So, who was he? Did he tell you he would marry you? Promise you a castle? Wine and dine you?”

“It wasn’t like that!” she screamed as fire flared in her eyes. “I…”

She was cut off by her own sob as she shook her head and placed her hand over her mouth, as though willing the memory away. She took a deep, shuddering breath as she looked away from him. “I didn’t want to die.”

At first he was confused as to what not wanting to die would have to do with it. And then his eyes widened in horror as she continued and the pieces of the puzzle rearranged themselves into a horrifying new picture. “I was overpowered, and I didn’t want to die. That’s why I did it.” she whispered as she collapsed forward so that her head was cradled on his thigh as sobs ran through her body like the coming tide.

“Lina…” he whispered as he reached a hand down to stroke her hair. The realization that there was something worse than learning she had chosen another lover over him hit him like a brick to the stomach. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered as he felt tears fall from his eyes.

“They said they would slit my throat if I didn’t…oh god! If I didn’t…What kind of a choice is that?” she screamed, her voice desperate. He realized with a jolt that she wasn’t scared of what he would do to her, but terrified that he wouldn’t believe her. “I didn’t want to!”

“I know you didn’t want to.” he said quietly, not even bothering to wipe the tears from his face, “You don’t have to explain. I believe you.”

He could feel her relax beneath his fingers as the intensity of her sobs died down. He started to rub her back as he struggled to reign in his emotions. Just how close had he come to losing her? “You’re alive. That’s what matters.”

He could feel his pants become damp with her tears as the hurt and shame she had carried alone for so long came pouring out. He wondered how he could have been so dense. Looking back it was glaringly obvious that the way she was acting screamed that she had been traumatized. He’d been blinded by the fact that Lina was the strongest human he had ever met. It did not seem possible that someone could rape her. To his own shame he knew he should have known better than to think like that. He knew from experience that every warrior has their bad day. Every person has to sleep. And suddenly the reason that Lina was not sleeping much lately made sense.

“I’m sorry I said those things.” He whispered as she wept in his lap. “I’m so sorry I failed you.”

It seemed that the more she tried to constrain the ocean of tears that poured out of her the worst it got. For so long she had striven to suppress all of the grief, guilt, and shame that once the dam had broken there was no holding back. She had worked so hard to forget and feigned cheerfulness in the hopes that if she faked it long enough she would feel happy as the memories faded into obscurity. Only it hadn’t happened that way.

The more she had worked to bury the sadness, humiliation and rage the harder it became to feel anything, happiness especially. For nearly two months she did her best, but it had all crumbled today. He knew! She had told herself he could never know, and now he did! And she was mad as hell!

How could someone who seemed to have misplaced his brain half of the time have even noticed that her time of the month had not arrived for a while? Rage pounded through her veins as she remembered the previous day’s events, displacing her feelings of shame as it did.

“So, isn’t it about the time of the month that we lay low for a few days?” Gourry had asked. The questions caused her to stop dead in her tracks.

“Huh?”

“You know, that time of the month when you lose your powers?”

Lina felt a blush creep through her cheeks as she shouted, “What are you doing, counting the days?”

“Well, it’s good to know when we’re vulnerable, isn’t it? Besides, it’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”

“You probably just forgot.” Lina said as dryly as possible as she continued walking. She hoped that he did not notice how rattled she was. Now that he mentioned it, it had been awhile. She closed her eyes as panic welled within her making the nausea churning in her stomach worse. It had not happened since that night…

Stress. It had to be stress. That was what she kept telling herself. It would not have been the first time she missed a cycle due to it. And so what if she had been nauseous lately? And so what if food had suddenly lost its appeal? Surely after what happened it would be normal to be nauseous and sick. It had to be stress. There was no way she could be pregnant.

She hugged herself and desperately fought to keep her hands from trembling. She stole a glance beside her to note that yes, Gourry was watching her, concern etched on his features. She tried to act as normally as possible. But somehow she was failing. She had to do better! He could not know.

“Are you okay?” he asked, “You’re looking a little pale. And you’re trembling.”

“I’m practicing a new spell.” She shot back abruptly. It was completely nonsensical but she hoped that with his ignorance on magic he would buy it.

The look on his face told her he was dropping it rather than buying it. “So, where are we off to this time?”

Lina shrugged, “Damned if I know. I’ll let you know when we get there.” She thought for a moment and then added, “May be Rolat. I read something last week that the Blast Sword was last seen there, though the information is pretty scanty. Still, with the life we lead, it is a priority to get you a better sword, so we’d best follow up on any leads no matter how scurrilous. We really need to get you back to slicing monsters with swords and not breaking swords on monsters.”

Gourry grinned sheepishly, “I guess I have been pretty useless since I returned the Sword of Light. Sometimes I wonder why you even keep me around.”

Because I can’t stand the thought of letting you go! Lina thought to herself as she looked away at the ground. She had no idea where the thought had come from but she knew it was true. Sometime between the moment they had met and now he had become someone she did not want to live without. She turned to him and smiled, “Because useless or not, we’re a team. And you’re stuck with me.”

He smiled and wrapped an arm around her. His touch felt nice. Usually he only did it after they had defeated some big named monster together. It made her feel like the strongest person in the world when he did it. It was companionable. Comforting. Protective in a way. Possessive even.

But would he still touch her if he knew what had happened? And if he wouldn’t want to, would any man? It made her so sick to think about the things they had done that she didn’t want to be in her own skin. How could she blame a man for not wanting to touch her? Her stomach started to churn violently. Realizing that what little she ate for lunch was about to come back up she quickly ran off the trail and into the woods.

“Lina?” Gourry called as Lina steadied herself on her shaky knees after voiding her stomach.

She reached into her cape to pull out some water as he caught up to her and put a hand on her shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked softly.

“Lunch just didn’t agree with me.” She said after she had swished the water around her mouth and spat it out. “Let’s get going.”

He folded his arms across his chest as he followed her, looking unusually stern. Lina felt panic bubbling within her. It had been almost two months since that night. Her ‘time of the month’ was long overdue. She was sick. She was exhausted. Her symptoms were screaming pregnancy. And it terrified her. She wanted to forget the incident, put it far behind her. To contain that night in a bubble and bury it so it did not change anything had been her main driving force since it happened. If she could keep everything else normal she could forget it ever happened.

But she’d never be able to with a baby there to remind her every day of that night. Plus her life would be changed dramatically with the addition of a baby. She’d never be able to travel as she liked. She’d have to settle down and stay home with the hideous being created by her tormentors. That night would be with her for the rest of her life! She took a deep breath and tried to keep her hands from shaking. If there was some bad seed growing within her, she wanted to be rid of it. Now!

As her minded frantically worked to figure out a plan to separate herself from Gourry he pointed out matter-of-factly, “You’ve barely eaten. You’re pale. And you’re throwing up.”

Lina felt that if the muscles in her neck were any tenser they would crush her vertebrae. Did he suspect?

“You must have picked up a bug. May be when we get into town we should take a few days off, let you get better.”

The last thing she wanted to do was spend a few days in town. Staying in town meant staying in an inn. Ever since that night she’d not been able to fall asleep in an inn. Only when they camped out could sleep claim her. Rather than telling him that she spun around and shouted, “Dammit, Gourry, if I’ve told you once I’ve told you one hundred times, I’m fine! And the last thing I want to do is park my ass in town when we’ve got a deadline to find you a sword that is worthy of the Sword of Light before we’re caught in yet another plot involving the world in peril again! Clear?”

He locked his gaze with hers. “No. And I don’t know what you’re getting so upset about. Everyone gets sick from time to time.”

“I’m not sick!” Lina screamed as she turned around and set off down the road again. Her sight became blurry as she struggled and failed to hold back tears. Her resolve to keep it together was not going well at all. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves. She had to gain some control, but her emotions were becoming unmanageable. She felt powerless under them, just like she did that night…

“Lina,” he said softly as he put a hand on her shoulder, “You’re crying.” He stated, a ring of surprise edging his words. “Are you sad?”

“Idiot!” Lina said softly, “I have something in my eyes.”

He took his hand away. She could tell he didn’t believe her but was tired of trying to break through her defenses. She brushed her tears away and took a deep, steadying breath. It did little for the nausea that was still churning in her stomach.

“Is the world in trouble?” he asked quietly.

“What?” she asked.

“Something has you scared. And I figure that as strong as you are, it has to be pretty bad to have you so scared. So what is it? Monster? Doomsday cult? Slugs?”

“It’s nothing.” She said quietly. “You’re imagining things.”

“Am I?” he asked. “Then why are you trembling and being secretive?”

“I’m not!” she screamed as they passed a marker sign for the nearest town. They were still about five miles out. Lina’s mind worked over time. She really did not want to stay in an inn tonight. “It’s getting late, why don’t we set up camp?”

His eyes widened in surprise. “But we have plenty of time before the sun sets to reach town.”

“Well, I don’t feel like walking anymore!” Lina said louder than she meant to as she veered off the path and headed into the woods.

Silently he followed her, and together they set up camp. There was even a stream nearby where Gourry was able to catch some fish. He ate. Lina finished some rolls she had saved that morning from the breakfast buffet. The smell of fish had turned her stomach. Not that she was going to let Gourry know that.

“You going to bed?” he asked as he settled into his tent.

Lina did not look up from the campfire. “Not sleepy. I’m going to stay up for a bit.”

“Okay. Goodnight.” He was quiet for a moment as Lina anxiously waited for him to fall asleep. “Lina?”

Go to sleep! She thought as her skin crawled with impatience. She said, “What?”

“Whenever you’re ready to talk about it, I’m here. I won’t bother you anymore about it until then.”

Her heart sped up as tears escaped from her eyes. She said nothing. She did not trust her voice. She longed to reach out to him, to mend the chasm this was creating between them. But the wedge between them was being hammered in deep. It was a deeper wedge than even Phibrizzo had created when he had torn him from her. This was an emotional wedge.

While he could be a bit dense, he was not a complete imbecile. And he knew her well. Too well. He knew she was hiding something, and until she either told him or got to a place where she could cover it up better they would not be as close as they had before that night. And while she could end this easily by telling him she would also never be able to fully forget it because he would know. And there was always the possibility that he could be so disgusted that he would leave. She had already lost too much.

How could one bad night cause so much damage? She could not let it cost her her relationship with Gourry. What would he do if he knew? Would he still want her? Or would he reject her, see her as damaged goods? Or would he be disappointed in her? If she was strong enough to defeat Shabranigdo than surely she should have been strong enough to fight them off. They were merely human. Would he think that she must have wanted it? That she had let it happen?

The mere possibility that he could think that drove her already soaring panic to new, unbelievable heights and fueled her need to make sure that he didn’t. She could not bear it if he knew and he thought she had gotten what she deserved, or that she hadn’t fought hard enough or…

A wave of nausea focused her attention on her body. What if the reason she couldn’t move on was because she was pregnant? If she got rid of it then it would no longer be a problem. She could move on, be herself again. She could forget and heal. And Gourry would never know. She had to get rid of it. She had to do it tonight, as soon as he fell asleep.

She knew she had two options. She could end it herself or she could find an herbalist and hope that she would be sympathetic and give her something to end it. Lina struck the second option out as soon as she thought of it. Images of a friend fleeing the local herbalist in tears after being called a slut for asking about it permeating her mind. Lina did not think she could live with the shame. Somehow she was going to have to do it herself.

Gourry’s snores were welcome music to her ears. She slowly got up and walked deeper into the woods. She wanted to take back the control of her life she felt she had lost. She wanted to feel powerful again. And if there was something growing within her, she wanted to be rid of it. That she could be carrying something of the men who had attacked her that night within her disgusted her so much that she wanted to cut it out of her belly with her own sword. The mere possibility that it was inside and growing like a parasite was profoundly distressing. Every minute it was there was one more minute with the reminder. The sooner she was rid of it the sooner she could get back to being herself.

Once she got a good distance away from the camp she started chanting, “Lord of darkness of the four worlds, grant me all of the power that you possess!”

She took a deep breath. There was only one spell she could cast that she was sure would get the job done. Every time she cast it she felt as though it was tearing her apart from the inside. It would leave her coughing up blood, a sure sign of internal injuries, and so lacerated that she could barely move. Surely if there was some bad seed growing within her casting it would destroy it. “Lord of the dreams that terrify…” she started, and she felt the magic crackle ominously in her hands.

“Sword of cold and darkness, free yourself from the Heaven’s bonds. Become one with my power, one with my body and let us walk the path of destruction together! Power that can smash even the souls of Gods!” a void formed between her hands and she lifted it high overhead, drunk with the feeling of the tremendous power she had unleashed. “RAGNA BLADE!”

As the spell sapped her energy, power seemed to charge through her veins. With this power she had cut down Kanzeil and Seigram. She gasped as she remembered bringing the dark sword down on Gaav. He was a good ten feet tall to her mere not even five, and stronger than any human could hope to be. It had taken every ounce of strength she had and she had wounded him grievously. Because she was strong. Because she had power.

She laughed as tears streamed down her face. If she had strength and power why couldn’t she have stopped them that night?

A sharp pain burst through her, causing her to let the spell die as she cried out. She took a few deep breaths as she struggled to remain standing. She coughed up a blood clot. Nothing unusual there. She felt depleted. She had meant to sit down, but in reality she collapsed and pulled herself so that she was leaning against a tree. Something thick and warm was running down her legs, and she put her hand to her pants and brought them up. She recognized the iron scent of blood. It was coursing from her genitals, worse than it would have been had it been that time of the month. That had never happened before. She stared at it. Did that mean she had been pregnant? Was it fully out yet? Or did it need more time?

Somewhere Gourry was calling her name. She did not want him to find her yet. She wanted to make sure it was out before facing him. But she was in no condition to stand, let alone run. And why hadn’t she brought a spare change of clothes with her? What would she tell him when he found her? Her lack of planning appalled her. He called her name again, his voice desperate. Lina laughed as tears rolled down her face. She realized that in her desperation to get rid of it as soon as possible she had messed up badly. What would he think when he found her? What would she say happened? What would he believe?

Before she knew it he was there, scanning her for injuries, asking questions. Helping. Had enough time passed? If he got her to a healer now could it be guaranteed that the thing growing inside her would not survive? Or did she need to delay him? She had to make sure it was gone! She tried her best to stall him, but in the end he gathered her in his arms. The memory of being held down asserted itself, overpowering her sense of where she really was. She brought her arms up to attack as her brain, struggling with the blood loss, reeled. The world spun before going black.

She wasn’t sure how much he knew when she woke. But she figured that the best course of action would be to feign innocence until he proved he knew otherwise. And he did. Not only had she really been pregnant, he knew! There was no hiding the truth from him anymore.

The anger burned like an angry flame as she cried in his lap while he stroked her hair. She hated the fact that she was crying. She hated the fact that she needed comfort. She hated having her weaknesses so blatantly displayed before another. And she hated herself for being weak.
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Tell the Northern Lights to Keep Shining