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The Epic	By : kyochan Category: +S to Z > Spiral Views: 1747 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Spiral, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 19
- 20
- 21
Title:� The Epic

Chapter:� 20/ many

Authors:� Kyo-chan and
Koko-chan

Genre:� Shounen-ai

Disclaimers and notes:�
We do not own the characters or the series.� They belong to Kyo Shirodaira and Eita
Mizuno.� This fanfiction is written by
fans purely for the enjoyment of fans.�

So sorry for the gap before this chapter!� Kyo-chan just went through a long move to the
big city and is finally settled in.�
You've all been very patient, so here you go!

Summary:� Hiyono and
the Blade Children worry over what will happen now that Ayumu's been hurt.� But will they be able to help him before he
does something they can't fix?

~*~

�� Much as she
hated to admit it, Hiyono couldn't have been happier when Ayumu fell asleep,
curled in the farthest seat back from the rest of the group, wrapped almost to
his nose in a blanket. She watched him for a few minutes before making her way
carefully to the next few seats, where the Blade Children were gathered and
Riku was digging in a cooler for food and drink.

�� Rio looked up at her and gave a small smile as she
approached, though it was a little strained around the edges from worry over
Ayumu. Kousuke was half-dozing, curled up like a cat on his portion of the
seat.

�� Eyes sat
next to him, arms crossed, eyes closed. One almost might have been fooled into
thinking he was asleep, except for how straight his back was in the chair, and
how his brow was creased just slightly.

�� Riku handed
Hiyono a bottle of water and snagged one for Rio
and herself as well. "You all right?" she asked the blonde.

�� Hiyono
thought about that for a moment, then nodded. "I'm fine, but I would be
better if I had answers."

�� "42."
Kousuke mumbled, harvest moon eyes opening just a slit to look up at the
blonde.

�� Rio rolled her eyes. "You need to stop reading those
books."

�� "But
it's the answer to life, the universe, and everything..."

��

�� The
gray-haired girl just sighed and turned her attention to Hiyono, scooting over
enough to make some room for her. "What sort of answers?"

�� The girl
sat down and took a long sip of her water. "I'm not sure where to start.
Ayumu told me so little about the first time he disappeared that coming along
this time just made it that much more confusing. Especially when Kousuke
started climbing walls..."

�� Kousuke
gave a slight smirk and held up his hands. "Claws are a wonderfully useful
thing when there's a wall to scale. They'd probably be a pretty good weapon
too, but I haven't needed to use them for that, yet." The crimson tail
twitched, fur shining softly in the light from the windows.

�� "Okay,
I get what you're saying. But what happened to you that gave you claws...and a
tail and those ears. I got the impression that the Blade Children weren't
exactly normal, but I wasn't thinking you were that out of the
ordinary..." Hiyono was surprisingly calm. After seeing Ayumu's state, it
had rather sobered her usually loud nature.

�� Rio sighed, but looked over at Eyes for permission before
explaining that much. Kousuke wouldn't really care who knew. In fact, at the
moment he was rolling up the sleeves of his black shirt and using one of the
bottles of water to get the rest of the blood stains off his skin, revealing
the leopard spots. She knew that Eyes was awake, and would know she was looking
at him, even with his eyes closed.

�� Slowly,
those ocean-blue eyes opened, but they weren't drifting to Rio,
but to Hiyono instead. Riku had explained to Eyes briefly what the girl had
done when they found Ayumu, which made him wonder if she wasn't as normal as
she thought either. "For the moment, we are all allies here. Without
Hiyono, things might not have gone as smoothly as they did." If you
could call how it went 'smooth'... "You may give her answers. I will
stop you if you are to say too much."

�� The blonde
girl nodded her thanks, understanding that it had been very possible that the
Blade Children's leader could have left her guessing.

�� So Rio
nodded and told her, starting from when Ayumu came to them at the playground in
a state of near-collapse, through the rescue of not only Kousuke, but Jhette and
Riku, the establishment of the Web with Ayumu and later Eyes, and through the
messy events that had brought them to today. "And we're still going
through all her files," she finished with a sigh. "So while Kousuke
turns out to be an empathic nekojin with the ability to toss fire like water
balloons, we're still unsure what else will pop up."

�� Hiyono sat
back in her chair, the bottle of water she held uncapped as if she'd planned to
drink out of it during the story. But she'd been so wrapped up in listening,
that the water had gone forgotten. Her large eyes blinked, her own expression
thoughtful as she let it all sink in. "You know...for being so
indifferent, Ayumu sure seems to get in his share of situations..."

�� Kousuke
grimaced. "I had no plans for getting him involved in that one. He just
showed up, and by the time I persuaded him to blow off, it was too late. I
dunno, maybe the gods have something against him or something. Even when we try
to exclude him, he ends up tangled in our business."

�� "Part of
that is his own determination." Hiyono sighed and glanced back at the
sleeping figure before turning to the others. "He'd...probably be upset if
he knew I told you this. But I asked him once why he didn't just turn around
and let it go. He told me that it was because he felt like he could finally be
important to someone, that he would be able to do something that his brother
couldn't. I think that being involved with the Blade Children was as much for
his benefit as it was for yours."

�� Rio sighed sadly. "But the connection he had to Eyes
and Kousuke snapped. And with what Kanone had done to him, he may not want to
be the Hope anymore."

�� Hiyono
frowned. "Are you guys prepared for that?"

�� Rio just shrugged. "I...don't know."

�� Kousuke
looked up from his grooming, his expression grim. "I am, but I've never
fully believed that I'd be saved from Fate. To be brutally honest, I didn't
even think I'd survive to my seventeenth birthday, let alone escape this whole
mess." He smirked, forestalling any protest to his fatalistic attitude.
"However, it doesn't mean I'll just lie down and take it, either. We'll
try and help Ayumu. If that doesn't work...I dunno. Eyes seems to attract
insanely good luck, so maybe we'll find another way, if we have to."

�� Eyes
managed a very wry smirk. "I wouldn't count on my luck this time, Kousuke.
Luck won't heal a broken man."

�� "You
shouldn't put that so harshly, Eyes," Riku said.

�� "I
shouldn't be honest?"

�� "Well...I
didn't say that..."

�� Kousuke
sighed and stretched, trying to get the kinks out of his back from being in the
same seat for several hours. He would be so glad when Jhette got them back into
Japanese airspace. "Well, that's where wisdom and courage come in, Eyes.
Luck's only one factor in the lives of the Blade Children. Anything could
happen at this point. For all I know, Ayumu might go completely berserk and end
up slitting my throat, and I won't have to worry about it any more."

�� "Kousuke!"
Rio snapped, "Don't even suggest such a
thing!"

�� Kousuke
didn't look the least bit remorseful. "It's better to keep all
possibilities in mind. Even the nasty ones. It's how I survived this
long."

�� Eyes looked
also as if he wanted to protest, but his reasons were more personal. At
least if you're going to suggest it, try not to be so casual... "We
were not prepared to lose him in such a way. Because of this, the question is
not whether we can fix him to suit our goals, but more to help him heal from
what Kanone has done. Depending on what all has happened to him, there may be
significant enough damage that going back to 'life as usual' might be
difficult."

�� "He's
dealt with Pack," Riku spoke up grimly.

�� "Could
you explain all this stuff about 'Pack' and how you know so much about
it?" Kousuke asked, looking over at her.

�� Riku sighed
and leaned back in her chair, watching him as though he might react badly if
she explained herself. "Pack...as in...wolf pack. Apparently, Kanone had
some of them under his command, and that's what he used to hunt and hurt
Ayumu."

�� Kousuke
nodded. "That's probably whose blood is under Ayumu's nails," he
agreed. "But how do you know so much about them? I didn't even realize I
was smelling wolf."

�� "But
you would know another cat if you picked up its scent, wouldn't you?" Her
smile was faded.

�� Kousuke looked
surprised, then shrewd, and he nodded. "I guess so. I wanna know your
secret for avoiding Fate while still having your powers, though. I nearly got
railroaded when it happened to me."

�� Rio threw the cap of her water bottle at him. "Have
you ever thought that maybe things like that are private or uncomfortable
subjects? You're such a prick sometimes, Kousuke!"

�� Eyes held
up his hand, gaze flickering almost nervously to the figure sleeping beyond
them. "Quiet your tone, Rio. We're
already aware of Kousuke's blunt nature, and I'm sure he is too. Let's try not
to wake Little Narumi."

�� "Truth
be told," Riku answered, not really fazed by the way Kousuke had reacted.
She had expected as much, and perhaps a little worse. "I really don't know
how I managed to escape losing my mind. My talents triggered while I was in a
highly dangerous situation, and I barely got out by the skin of my fangs. It
was a long shot, and I'm going to stake a claim on some of that infamous Blade
Children luck."

�� Kousuke
nodded and gave her a thumbs up. "Cool. Can I ask what the danger was, or
will you make Jhette eject me for prying?"

�� "A
Hunter. A very strong one."

�� Kousuke
nodded, not saying anything more. He knew about problems with Hunters. He
figured that if Riku wanted to go into more detail, she would. If not, there'd
be a quick pause, and he'd shift the conversation back to Ayumu.

�� "Maybe
I'll tell you later, but now isn't the time."

�� Hiyono
nodded. "I can try to take care of Ayumu, but... I really don't know
what's going to happen any more than you all do."

�� "There's
something wrong with his mind." Kousuke murmured, his eyes distant as he
remembered that odd shadow that had backlashed on him when he tried to lessen
some of Ayumu's pain. "Something...weird. Unnatural. But I don't know what
it is."

�� "I can
try to find out..." Eyes murmured. He hadn't moved his gaze from the
sleeping boy.

�� Kousuke's
green-gold eyes flickered to his lover, a flash of worry passing through the
bright orbs. "Just be careful. Ayumu zapped me one when I got too close to
it."

Rio tilted her head. "Eyes might have
more luck. He's usually a little more careful than you are."

�� The
musician let out a soft breath, closing his eyes once more. "It's worth a
shot, isn't it?" He had learned very little about his talent in the short
time that had lapsed between discovering it and having to rescue Ayumu. He
didn't know very well how to use it, but he was vaguely familiar with picking
up a mind to communicate with it. He wondered if that was only easy because of
his bond to Kousuke, since he hadn't tried it with anyone else but the redhead.
Still, he had to attempt to read Ayumu... it might help them figure out what
else had been done, because he didn't think the boy was suffering from just a
simple pack mauling.

�� What he
felt was not just the 'something off' that Kousuke suggested. It was like a
dark shadow staining Ayumu's mind, and the closer he got to it, the clearer he
could hear it whispering words of hatred and death to the 16-year-old. It was
an intricate piece of work, and rooted firmly, cemented by the death of the
telepath that had set it. It was connected to some of Ayumu's emotions as well
as just the proximity of Blade Children, but that was more Kousuke's area. The
shadow was clearly there to induce some severely negative effects within
Ayumu's unguarded and badly traumatized mind.

�� Eyes wanted
to press further, see if there was anything he could do to fix what had been
stained, clear the air in Ayumu's mind. However, if he thought it had been a risk
just to go in, trying to tamper with it without knowing how to use his skills
could harm the boy more than it would help him. So he carefully backed off to
retreat into his own mind, an unsettled frown tugging at the corners of his
mouth.

�� Rio looked at him worriedly. "Did you find
anything?" she asked softly, fiddling with her water bottle.

�� Blue eyes
opened, but only in small slits, brow furrowed in bewilderment and not just a
little bit of anger. "I found something all right. But I don't know how to
fix it. It....feels as if there's a shadow with a voice, speaking to Ayumu's
thoughts. But I don't recognize it as Ayumu's voice, nor is it Kanone's. I
don't know where it came from."

�� "I
just know it makes him violent whenever something that scares him gets too
close. In this case, that equates to the Blade Children." Kousuke sighed,
"But I really don't know how it could have gotten there."

�� File entry
#6547," Jhette's mechanized voice broke in, "Upon the artificial
stimulation of the various test subjects, Hunter Samantha discovered that the
majority of the Blade Children had possession of the Gift 'Telepathy', in
varying levels of strength, and were able to both project and receive. The
minority merely had the ability to receive, and instead had some other mental
Gift, such as empathy, precognition, and so on. A truly powerful telepath is
hypothesized to appear from one Blade Child in ten."

�� Eyes waved
his hand as if to say, 'there you go'. "So someone under Kanone's command
was telepathic...and a strong one. But I don't know if it's in my strength to
undo the damage. Until I figure out what can be done, I'm at a loss from this
point onward."

�� Kousuke
thought hard, but shrugged. "Most of what I've done with my Gift has been
instinctive. I could probably separate it from his mind and emotions, but I'd
never manage to get rid of it. If anything, I'd just make it--and Ayumu--mad
enough to kill. But I don't think we should leave him alone to cope,
either."

�� Hiyono
watched them both, noticing that their concern was not about themselves, but
rather for Ayumu. It surprised her, even though she'd learned a lot on this
excursion. She had thought that the Blade Children just might be selfish enough
to think more about how this affected them than it did Ayumu. But she was
wrong. "We should just get him home and let him rest for a day or so. Then
see what you can do. Trying anything now while you're all exhausted
won't do anyone a bit of good."

�� Rio nodded. "You're right. But I'm more worried that
if we leave him alone, he'll either injure himself or get it into his head to
literally run away from any place that he knows holds Blade Children. That
includes school. And, as selfish as it sounds, there is the worry about
how to deal with Fate without him. Riku may have been strong enough to defy it
on her own, but from what Kousuke said, he's not. I don't want to deal with
that idiot going on a bloody rampage."

�� "All
teasing of Kousuke aside," Riku said, "I'm in agreement with Rio. Who knows if my escaping it was only temporary? What
if the more Blade Children that mature, the less I can fight it? No one really
knows what the real plan was when we were created."

�� "Or if
anyone knows, it'll be those that either help control Fate or serve it." Kousuke
agreed, deciding not to snipe at Rio just now.
"Kanone's the only one I know of that description. I'd probably know more,
but I was never interested in the hierarchy. Too busy staying alive and all
that."

�� "I
think that's the most important detail anyhow," Eyes agreed with Kousuke.
"There really isn't much we can do. Fate can at least be held at bay for
the next week or so, and that should be enough time to determine where Little
Narumi really stands with us."

�� "With
all points compiled, the best course of action would be to have Hiyono look
after Narumi Ayumu during that time, as she is the only one of us who
understands the situation and yet can get close without a violent
reaction." Jhette commented. "In the meantime, Eyes Rutherford should
learn what he can about his own Gifts, so as to remove the mental tampering.
Such an implant could prove dangerous to the Hope if left untended."

�� Eyes nodded
solemnly. "That's exactly how I plan to proceed." He looked at Hiyono
with a piercing gaze.

�� "Don't
worry, Eyes," Hiyono said, sitting up a little straighter in her seat.
"I'll do everything that I can to help."

�� Rio nodded. "You might want to think about keeping
him away from sharp things or breakable objects."

�� "Yeah,"
Kousuke drawled, "Things like furniture, people, public buildings...OW! Rio, that was my foot!"

�� Hiyono
giggled softly. "You always have to be a smart-ass, don't you?"

�� Rio nodded. "Always. It's really annoying
sometimes."

�� Kousuke
shrugged. "Yeah, but look on the bright side. If I ever start acting
polite, you'll know I'm either an imposter or a pod person."

�� "He's
got a point there," Riku said, managing a smile.

�� Rio raised a mocking eyebrow. "Then I guess he turns
into a pod person whenever he's alone with Eyes, ne?"

�� Kousuke
blushed and hissed at her, every inch the offended kitty. "Eyes is a
special case."

�� "Unknown
term used. Please clarify. Term 'pod person' unknown. I repeat, please
clarify." Jhette said.

�� Riku
laughed. "Information not important to your database," she answered.
"But it's basically a term from bad movies, meaning someone who acts very
much not like themselves."

�� "Confirmed.
Riku...does that make me a pod person?"

�� "No.
Like Kousuke having a special case with Eyes, you too are a special case. We
don't know what's normal for you, so we can't really say you're not normal, now
can we?"

�� There was a
moment of silence as Jhette considered this. "I see. And...Narumi
Ayumu is not a pod person, because that is a negative connotation, as opposed
to humorous?"

�� Kousuke
chuckled. "Right. Being called a pod person is usually just a joke. And
you can't be a pod person, because you actually realized that. I saw that
stupid movie. No pod person had a sense of humor."

�� "You
living creatures are horribly illogical."

�� "Everyone
has to have a hobby," Hiyono piped up somewhat tiredly cheerful.

�� "I do
not comprehend, but I do confirm." Jhette sighed. "By the way, I have
entered Japanese air space. We will be landing shortly."

�� "Thank
goodness," Eyes breathed, leaning back in his seat, lids fluttering
closed. "I can't wait to take a nap..."

�� "Sleep
sounds good," Kousuke agreed, "aspirin sounds better. And a hot
shower. I reek of smoke and blood."

�� Rio nodded. "Maybe we should have Jhette drop us off
home first, then take Hiyono and Little Narumi home?"

�� "That
might be best. Hopefully, he'll stay out until we can get him to where he won't
feel threatened by us," Riku said.

�� "I'm
glad I won't be there when his guardian sees the mess he's in. I don't think
Madoka-san will be pleased." Rio said,
absently yanking her hair out of the pigtails. She had a mild headache.

�� Hiyono
winced. "I've seen her temper in action. I don't think she'll be very
happy either. I think I'll have Jhette-san take us to my place for the night.
I'll see about getting Ayumu as nicely patched up as possible. The less
evidence there is the better."

�� "Don't
run yourself ragged," Kousuke cautioned. "If your ability to heal is
anything like my empathy, using it too much will lay you flat. And we both know
Ayumu wouldn't like that."

�� The blonde
looked at her hands. "I guess... I honestly didn't know I could do
anything like that. It just happened..."

�� "Eh,
sounds like the entire last couple of weeks. Don't freak out about it. Just
accept it and learn to use it."

�� Rio smirked. "Okay, Kousuke. Now I know you're a pod
person. You're being nice to Hiyono."

�� Kousuke
blinked, then snapped his fingers. "Damn, you caught me. I'll have to
alert the mother ship when we get back."

�� Riku shook
her head. "Baka."

�� Kousuke
pretended to be offended. "Let's see you try to mimic people from another
planet! Not only are there all these annoying earthling customs that make no
sense, but even the languages are enough to give any self-respecting pod person
a headache!"

�� "Now
you're just being silly," Hiyono said, reaching out and ruffling his hair.

�� Kousuke
sputtered, but it quickly turned into a purr, as her hands brushed the crimson
ears as well as the fiery hair. He still looked mildly annoyed at the breach in
his personal space, but the catlike love for physical contact kept him from
batting her hand away.

�� She giggled
softly, but didn't linger, seeing that as Eyes's territory, not hers.

�� Something
that Kousuke approved of, though he didn't mention it for fear of yet more
teasing from the girls. Instead, he curled up back in his seat. He wanted
to curl up against Eyes, but he didn't want to get the smell of burning flesh
on him.

�� Eyes
reached out and picked up where Hiyono left off, not caring about any bad
scents because he knew they could be erased in a hot shower. He couldn't wait
to get home.

��

**

�� Rio walked up the stairs to the roof, knowing that she
was technically walking into danger, but also knowing it was necessary. It had
been almost a week since they'd brought Little Narumi home, and all of the
Blade Children had stayed away to try and give him breathing space. But from
what little Rio and Kousuke had glanced of him
in the halls, he wasn't calming down, and Hiyono had said that he was actually
getting more unpredictable in his temper and nerves. Rio
felt it was more than time to try and approach him again, to hopefully convince
him to come back with her and see if Eyes and Kousuke could somehow fix what
was aching within him. They'd both been doing their best to learn about their
new abilities from Jhette's files, though it was a general consensus that it
would be Eyes to help Ayumu, and not Kousuke. Kousuke's Gift just wasn't suited
to this problem, especially not with active telepathic tampering at work. And
that was yet another detail that Rio felt
Ayumu needed to know, because Hiyono hadn't yet told him.

�� As
predicted, Ayumu could be found on the roof, but unlike other days, he looked
hardly relaxed or refreshed from the naps he often took up there. Instead, he
stood at the rail, where the fence wrapped around, preventing anyone from
falling. One hand was curled in the mesh of the fence, the other shoved into
his pocket. His spine was tense, damn near rigid as he held a firm stance like
something waiting to strike, a caged animal waiting for the moment the door
opened for feeding time. His golden eyes were fixed somewhere out into the
midday sky, as if an answer waited out in the distance. Even if his expression
was no less than its usual indifferent mask, one who knew him well enough could
tell that something felt...different about his presence.

�� Rio was one of those people, and it didn't take an empath
like Kousuke or a telepath like Eyes to know that the change wasn't good,
either for him or anyone around him. She took a few steps out onto the roof,
and steeled herself for what would likely be a very tense conversation.

�� "Little
Narumi?"

�� The slight
jerk of his body made it seem as if the sound of her voice was like a needle
sliding home to draw blood, startling and just slightly painful. His fingers
tightened around chain links, a sign that he held back from a more irrational
movement. "What do you want?" It was that same indifferent tone, but
with a razor-sharp edge to it.

�� "Just
to talk," Rio said, keeping her voice
even and soothing. "We're worried about you."

�� Ayumu found
her tone patronizing, and he bit back a scathing retort. "I'm fine."

�� "No
you're not, Little Narumi. Even Hiyono knows you're not." She bit her lip,
wondering how to explain what had been done to him.

�� "Even
if I'm not, it isn't something that's open for discussion with you."

�� Rio's mouth became a tight line, trying to keep from
yelling at him for that. "We're still your friends, Little Narumi. And we
worry. Especially since we know more about what they did to you than you
do."

�� "You
don't know anything about what they did to me," he murmured, that
sharp edge making his voice tight now. His head slowly turned, an eerie motion
that suddenly made his every movement seem careful, calculated. There was a coiling
strike that he did not act upon, not yet. He held back, but only by a fraction
of self-control...or if he were influenced by the space between them. Still
a safe distance...not truly safe from them...can't be safe when they're close...
"Whatever you think you are to me or I am to you, just let it go. I want
nothing to do with it anymore."

�� "But
we're scared you'll get hurt if you stay like this!" Rio
said, her own voice tight with anxiety. "We do know what was done, and
more, if you'll come back with me, we can fix it..."

�� "I am not
coming back with you, Rio Takeuchi. Not with you, not to them, not now, not
ever. Let me have my life back." His eyes were like cold amber
stones. "If you were so concerned about whether or not I'd be hurt, none
of you would have come to me for help by trying to kill me. I'm not playing
games this time. Leave. Me.
Alone."

�� "But...I
can't just leave you like this. If nothing else, then at least come back so we
can undo some of the damage that the other Blade Children caused. But you have
to let us help you!"

�� "I
don't have to let you do anything!" Ayumu raised his voice for the
first time, whirling away from the fence so abruptly that it rattled behind him
as he faced her full-on. "You are one of the Blade Children too! So are
they! You can't cure poison with poison; it just doesn't work that way!"

�� "But
we're not poison to you!" she cried, stepping closer.
"Whatever we started as, we're your friends, and we do care about you! We wanted
to keep you safe, but we didn't know Kanone would kidnap you! And if we really
didn't care, would we have come all that way to save you? Eyes and Kousuke have
been working themselves to exhaustion to find a way to help you!"

�� Whether it
was the advancement towards him or the mention of the two Blade Children that
made him the most nervous, the reaction was not unlike that of waving red
before a wild bull. Something...viciously angry passed over Ayumu's expression
like a dark cloud. "Leave me be, Rio," he growled, hands shaking as he
fought the growing urge to hit her, do something to quiet her voice.
"While you still can."

�� But Rio couldn't, not until she'd told him what had been
done, no matter how dangerously angry he got. "Little Narumi...back when
the Pack had you, they--"

�� She's so
much smaller....so much easier to get rid of... "Hunted me? Chased me
down using the smell of my blood and damn near tore me apart?" It was he
closing the distance between them now, his eyes like fire. "I don't like
being reminded."

�� Rio took an instinctive step back at the look in his
eyes. It wasn't pleasant, or entirely sane. In fact, it looked downright feral.
"That's not what I meant! Your mind, Little Narumi! One of them tore at
your mind! And he left something there that makes you react violently to the
Blade children around you! What you're feeling and doing isn't entirely under
your control!"

�� To Ayumu
that slight retreat felt like an invitation a reason to do what came to mind.
His stride longer than hers, the space she'd put between them was closed in an
instant. Fueled by the negative adrenaline that Rio's
arrival to his place to be alone had inspired, he closed a strong hand around
her throat. The movement was so quick; even he hadn't realized he'd lashed out
until he felt her frantic heartbeat under his palm. "Then you'll
understand, won't you...? That I can't let you live..."

�� Rio struggled for breath as he closed off her windpipe,
and made a move to reach for the little foldable knife she usually kept in her
sleeve. But she froze, realizing that trying to hurt him would not only just
make him react worse, but that she didn't actually have the knife. She'd
come up here unarmed, in the hopes that it would keep the younger Narumi
calmed. All she could do was struggle and clutch at his hands, agate-gray eyes
staring in horror into maddened gold.

�� Something
had a hold of Ayumu too, gripping his heart and mind instead of his throat, but
the effect was about the same. His breathing stilled the moment he truly saw
into her fear, realizing that she was doing very little to fight back. His
vision tilted and he felt panic, hand tightening as he remembered the
knife...the need to get away...to kill... There had been so much blood. No!
I don't want to kill.... not again! His eyes clenched shut and he threw her
away from him, staggering back and barely catching his balance.

�� Rio didn't, already disoriented from the lack of air. She
landed badly, her head banging into the concrete of the roof with a loud crack,
and she lay still.

�� "Ayumu!"
Hiyono's voice called from the roof's doorway. Her footsteps seem to echo
loudly against the brunette's ears, and he stumbled back until he was leaning
against the fenced rail at the roof's edge again. He buried his face in his
hands, sinking down.

�� Hiyono saw Rio's crumpled form and she was torn for a moment on who
to go to first. But if a comparison was to be made, at least Ayumu was still
conscious. She knelt down next to the girl, gently pulling her into her arms,
knowing somehow to carefully cradle her head. The movement showed her some
quickly forming bruises on Rio's throat, and
she swallowed hard, feeling that tingling starting in her body like it had done
once before.

�� Rio lay still in her arms, slackly unconscious. She
didn't seem badly hurt; for all that Ayumu had genuinely tried to kill her in
those first few seconds.

�� Hiyono
wouldn't be fully convinced until Rio was
conscious. She barely believed that Ayumu could have done this, but his
reaction to it seemed to indicate his guilt. Her dark eyes drifted over to him,
feeling compassionate and a little wary. It was not in her knowledge of him to
believe that he could hurt someone, almost kill, that was not the Ayumu Narumi
she knew.

�� As if he
could feel her gaze, he lifted his face from his hands. He wasn't crying, but
the strain in his brows and the tightness of his lips showed that he wasn't far
from it. Shakily he got to his feet, looking at the two girls with something
unidentifiable in his gaze. And then he ran.

�� "Ayumu...!"
Hiyono yelled after him, but he had already gone.

~*~

�� Ayumu had a
headache by the time he reached his apartment. He had no care for the teachers
that would miss his attendance in class; it wasn't as if he participated much
in the first place. Breathless, he climbed the stairs to his apartment, no
longer running. If only his mind were as easy to exhaust as his body. Even with
the school being a short distance, the run took a lot out of him.
Unfortunately, the less his body worked, the more his mind wanted to. Digging
into his pocket, he retrieved his key and stumbled into the apartment, leaning
against the door as it shut and trying to catch his breath.

�� His
conscience railed at him, pointing out mercilessly how Rio
hadn't fought back, and hadn't even really done anything to warrant such behavior
except for stepping too close. If she was to be believed, she'd been trying to
help him by warning him about what one of his torturers had done to his mind.

�� Dropping
his bag to the floor, he kicked his shoes off and staggered to the dining room,
sinking into to a chair and burying his face in his arms. His stomach was in
knots, remembering her eyes, her words. Distantly, he was thankful he hadn't
eaten his lunch, because the thought of how close he'd come to killing her
wouldn't have let it settle. What's wrong with me?

�� Common
sense pointed out that Rio had told him what
was wrong. He'd just taken it as an excuse to attack her.

�� He curled
up as tight as he could in the chair, tears stinging the backs of his eyes, and
he clenched them to hold back. "Dammit..." he muttered shakily. Ayumu
knew that he owed her an apology, but the thought of getting close enough to
administer one made the sick fear come back all over again.

�� The sound
of the door opening was loud against the silence of his terror.

�� "Ayumu!
The beautiful intelligent incredible Madoka-sama is home!"

�� If nothing
else, her arrival sobered him away from the tears, but little more. "I
guess...I'll start dinner then...." He pushed the chair back and slowly
got up, feeling even more tired than ever, and headed for the kitchen.

�� Madoka
walked in, but instead of agreeing to dinner, she came in the room, looked him
up and down, and walked over to shove him back in the chair. "No, I don't
think so. You and I need to talk, Ayumu."

�� He almost
struck her hand away, but Ayumu quickly held back, knowing that he didn't need
to resort to anything violent against Madoka. He wasn't really looking forward
to this...talk, however... "If it's about me skipping the rest of school
today, I'm sorry. I'll make it up. You're home from work awfully early anyway,
so I'm not the only one who played hooky."

�� Madoka
looked annoyed, but shoved it down. "You are not distracting me with
problems from work. This is about you, Ayumu. And the first thing to note is
that you look like crap. You've looked like crap ever since you got home, and
you act like someone who's seen hell and didn't quite live to tell about
it."

�� Ayumu had
to admit to himself that the description felt more accurate than he would have
liked. "I'm just tired, Madoka. I would hardly equate school to hell, even
though I don't really like being there."

�� Madoka sat
down in the chair across from him. "No, but you looked like this when you
came back from that 'retreat' you went on. And you weren't in school
then."

�� Ayumu
closed his eyes, smiling as he remembered the note. There was no real humor
behind the expression; it was more of a sad reaction of relief. Apparently,
Kanone had been right when he said that Madoka would remember none of what had
happened to her during his visit. "I'm tired," he insisted, knowing
that he wasn't lying about that.

�� "Because
you haven't been sleeping. I've heard you crying at night, Ayumu." Her
voice softened, her eyes worried. "I'm not going to ask what happened
while you were gone, because somehow I know you can't and won't tell me. But I
hate seeing you so frightened and angry."

�� Ayumu's
face paled moments before it turned dark red in shame. He had never meant for
Madoka to notice, to hear...not once. He swallowed back a lump in his throat,
feeling almost like he couldn't breathe. He wouldn't cry before her, he hadn't
done it a single time since he'd taken up Kiyotaka's slack in their little family;
he refused to let it happen now.

�� Madoka
sighed and got up, sitting down again in the chair next to him, and gently
pulled him into her arms. "You know, it's all right to cry when you hurt.
It doesn't make you less of a good person."

�� It reminded
of when she first held him, on the platform to the train leading home. Would she
still call him a good person if she knew he had killed? Would she still hold
him if she knew that he was a murderer, not unlike those she caught in her
daily activities? How could he be a good person when every fiber of his being
screamed his weakness, fear, frustration and exhaustion?! He was lying...to
her, to himself... He barely noticed when he began to shake. "I
can't..."

�� "Can't
and won't are two very different things, Ayumu." Madoka pointed out,
hugging him gently. "If I'm not the one you feel comfortable opening
yourself to, that's all right. But Ayumu...if there is someone who can
help you through this, you should go to them. No one wants to see you suffer
alone."

�� Ayumu had
never felt so lost in his life, as if in such a short time, he'd made all the
wrong choices, and he would be paying for them for the rest of his life.
"I...don't know anything...anymore..."

�� Madoka
began stroking his hair, the gesture very maternal. "Everyone has moments
like that, Ayumu. They can last from anywhere to just an hour to years on end,
but everyone has that horrible feeling at least once. We all make at least one
awful mistake, and everyone has something that they'll regret for the rest of
their lives. The important part is to learn from the mistakes and the pain, and
become a better and stronger person for it. Sometimes, it can't be done without
help from others."

�� The
brunette curled up against her as if he were still that young boy who didn't
know how to see beyond Kiyotaka's shadow. What he felt was beyond that kind of
darkness, but having Madoka tell him the truth just the way he needed to hear
it seemed to help just like her embraces had back then. "I.... Madoka,
forgive me..."

�� "Always.
You're family, Ayumu, and I love you like my own little brother. Whatever
happened, I know it was probably terrible, to upset you this much. But I also
know that you never act without a serious reason, even if you regret the
actions later." She sighed and gently rubbed his back. "You're
starting to walk down your own path, and naturally you'll stumble a few times,
or even get tripped by those that want to hurt you. The best that can be hoped
for is that you have someone nearby to help you stand again, and can trust to
bandage the hurts. Sometimes, you don't even realize how much you trust someone
or need someone until they're not able to reach you."

�� Could that
really be true? Ayumu looked up at her, and then back down again. "I had
to take my own path... I started walking Kiyotaka's even before he left. I came
back...because I honestly thought that in his absence, I could take everything
for myself and then I'd be happy." He hated his inability to shut up once
he started talking.

�� Madoka just
shook her head, giving a sad little smile. "Baka. Happiness won't come
from trying to force yourself into Kiyotaka's footsteps. You're not Narumi
Kiyotaka, but Narumi Ayumu, and you need to stand on your own feet and play to
your own strengths. You're different people, and have different talents. For
one thing, Kiyotaka couldn't cook to save his life, and every time he got
really involved in his thinking, he ran into walls. You, at least, don't
humiliate yourself in public like that."

�� Ayumu
gently pulled away from her and met her gaze. He was still very tired and still
startled by how wise she was to the situation, seeming to have figured
everything in life out already. "Maybe not... but I did you a great
disservice, Madoka. I tried to take you away from him too, even though I knew
it was next to impossible. But I guess....I guess you could say I've grown up
some. It wasn't my right to assume everything that I did about what he was and
wasn't to you. I'm still so very angry at him for not being honest with me
about things, but I'll settle that with him when I find him."

�� Madoka
nodded. "In the meantime, you should be thinking about how to make things
better for yourself. You're scared, and you're angry, and most notably, you're
lonely. And I have to ask, is there anyone out there who you think could help
to fix what's wrong?"

�� Eyes and
Kousuke have been working themselves to exhaustion to find a way to help you! Ayumu
closed his eyes. "I have an idea, but I don't know for sure yet. I have to
be sure before I walk that path."

�� "Sometimes,
you can't be sure, though. Life isn't a mystery novel, with all the
loose ends neatly tied up or all the clues neatly laid out to lead you to the
answer. Sometimes, you just have to follow what feels right, without knowing
the whys or hows."

�� "You
just had to go and make sense there, didn't you?" Ayumu grumbled.

�� The older
woman gave a sniff. "Of course. I am your wise and powerful oneesan. So if
there is someone out there who you think can help you get through this,
you should gather that immense amount of courage I know you have and go to
them. And if you don't have all the answers, that's life, and sometimes you
just have to leave some things to faith."

�� Courage....faith....
"I'll make dinner," he said softly, getting up from the chair. He
knew that she would understand the gratitude he couldn't find the words to
express at the moment. He still had a lot of thinking to do...and a lot of that
courage to muster.

Sighing softly to himself, he shuffled into the kitchen to peer into the
refrigerator. "I can't win..."

�� Madoka
chuckled. "Nope. You can't win, you can't break even, and you can't even
quit the game. But that's what makes people strong enough to pave their own
destinies, I think."

�� Ayumu
couldn't help thinking about just how true that was.
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