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The Epic	By : kyochan Category: +S to Z > Spiral Views: 1747 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Spiral, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Title:� The Epic

Chapter:� 21/ many

Authors:� Kyo-chan and
Koko-chan

Genre:� Shounen-ai

Disclaimers and notes:�
We do not own the characters or the series.� They belong to Kyo Shirodaira and Eita
Mizuno.� This fanfiction is written by
fans purely for the enjoyment of fans.�

Summary:� After a
near-fateful encounter with a very sneaky Hunter, Ayumu finds himself filled
with the need to make things feel right again.

~*~

�� Despite
Madoka's soothing words, Ayumu's dreams were dark and full of blood, replaying the
horrible memories, not only of Kanone's cruelty and the viciousness of the
Pack, but of the images that had been forced into his mind of the Blade
Children he personally knew harming him. It was almost as if his mind was
trying to drown out the sense in his sister-in-law's words by shoving the
brutality, both real and imagined, down his throat. This is what happened
when you got too close, it hissed in his ears, This is what will happen
if you try to stay...

�� Ayumu
tried to fight it, using Rio's words,
recalling them and trying to make them make sense to him. He would be putting a
lot at risk if he dared to believe they could help him, and even with Madoka
encouraging him, he wasn't sure he had that kind of strength and courage. I
need to stay away from them.... they'll hurt me...or let me hurt them...

�� "They're
horrible, aren't they?" The voice was female, soft and gentle. Suddenly,
the images of the nightmare were one step removed, as if he was watching a
movie. And sitting in front of him was a beautiful sweet-faced girl, wearing a
light blue sundress that brought out her sky-blue eyes. Her face was pleasantly
heart-shaped, and framed by long golden hair. She smiled sweetly at him.
"Hello, Narumi-san."

�� Ayumu felt
awkward being there, as if he was out of place in his own dreams, but that
couldn't be right, could it? He stared at this stranger, a woman that he'd
never seen before, who seemed so comfortably rooted here as if she belonged
more than he did. "Who are you?" he asked quietly, hearing his voice
echo back to him as he studied her, trying to think if he'd met her before.

�� She smiled
brightly and gave a quick little bow. "I'm Cassandra. But you can call me
Cassie. I'm so glad I'm able to talk to you like this! I wasn't sure if I'd be
able to get past all the Blade Children that were surrounding you."

�� His gaze
was suspicious, an expression he wore almost constantly now when he was unsure
of his surroundings or what would happen. "What do you want with me?"

�� Her
expression was understanding. "You don't trust me, and I understand that.
The Blade Children really hurt you a great deal, didn't they?"

�� "What
do you know about them?" He didn't want to so easily fall for someone's
compassion, especially someone he didn't know.

�� "Quite
a bit, actually," Cassandra sighed. "You see, I'm a Hunter."

�� Ayumu's
eyes widened, and he took a step back, remembering the last Hunter he'd come
across. He had almost died that night... "If you're here to kill me, I'll
fight you too..."

�� "Oh,
no no! Not at all!" the girl exclaimed, looking horrified at the thought.
"You're not a Blade Child, just someone who was unfortunate enough to get
caught up with them! I actually wanted to ask you a favor!"

�� "A...favor...?"
His head was reeling, and he could only guess it was because too much was
happening at once. Lately, it always was. He stared at her, interest and still
a bit of wariness in his expression.

�� "I...need
someone to help me with my work." Cassandra admitted. "You've
experienced firsthand what the Blade Children can do. They're too dangerous to
live in this world, and will only get more dangerous as time goes on. I don't
want to make them suffer, because they can't help what they are, but they can't
be left alive, either."

�� Ayumu's
face paled as the reality of what she was asking him hit home. "I...can't
do what you ask..."

�� "Why?"
Cassandra asked. "Don't you think it would be better to quietly send them
on their way now, instead of having to deal with a horrible massacre later?
They're a dangerous people, Narumi-san. And while they live, you and others
like you will always have to live in fear, wondering when the next one will
show up and start killing."

�� He shook
his head. "No! If my own life or someone's I care about is in danger, then
I'll do what I have to, but I will not kill again! You don't know what
you're asking me to sacrifice, and it's not a price I'm willing to pay, not
even for the Blade Children."

�� Cassandra
looked sympathetic, her smile gentle and almost motherly. "You don't have
to kill, Narumi-san. That bloody task is my job. But there's more than one way
to work as a Hunter. You're good at following trails and understanding patterns
that most don't see. And Blade Children who have not yet gone mad don't seem to
like outwardly attacking you. You can help without killing."

�� The
darkness in Ayumu's dreams disagreed, pushing still for Ayumu to take up arms
and create a safe world for himself with his own hands, one splash of blood at
a time. Only then would he truly be able to live his life again...

�� Ayumu
shuddered almost violently, at war within himself again. Everything this woman
said seemed to make sense, much in the same way that Madoka's words had earlier
made sense. Could this possibly mean that the courage he needed was to join
those that were totally different than the Blade Children that had come to mind
when she mentioned seeking help? It seemed unlikely, but the kind face before
him also spoke logic, and he was so tired of being scared...

�� But to be
indirectly or directly the cause of someone's death was still murder... He
would be resorting to the very thing the Blade Children were destined to do...
did that not make him just as guilty and worthy to be Hunted himself? He was so
confused.

"I...I don't know..."

�� Cassandra
walked over, placing a soft hand on Ayumu's shoulder. This close, he could
smell her perfume, a delicate scent of violets. "Think of it this way; if
the Blade Children aren't removed now, they'll all eventually go mad. Then, no
one will be safe. Could you bear to have what happened to you happen to those
you care for? I couldn't. That's why I became a Hunter, after I lost Mama to a
Blade Child."

�� Ayumu shook
his head, thinking that if the Blade Children ended up hurting Hiyono, or worse
Madoka, he would never forgive himself. He'd arrived too late one day, and
Kanone had spared her in return for him. He might not be so lucky the next time
around. He had to protect his family, what was left of it, first. "I
don't...want anyone to get hurt anymore..."

�� "I
know," she murmured softly. "But during times like this, someone
will. The choice you have to make is: will it be your friends and family, or
the monsters who want to drag them under the bed or into the closet? There will
be deaths, because the Blade Children have to be dealt with, but at least
there'll be far less death than if we let them continue to exist in this
world."

�� "Is
that really true? Do they know for sure that Fate is for real and not just
something that was thought up to keep them in line?" It was a question
he'd never heard anyone ask before. Everyone always talked about Fate as if it
were gospel truth, yet the ones that told the stories hadn't been touched by it
themselves. What if it were a cruel rumor Yaiba had whispered to make sure that
one way or another they did his bidding? By the time they'd realized it was a
ruse, they might have driven themselves crazy just trying to run away from it
or embrace it. Ayumu knew that any mind was complex enough to make its own
problems.

�� A little
voice in Ayumu's head asked what that horrible darkness that nearly swallowed Kousuke
had been, if not Fate, but it was drowned out by Cassandra's sweet voice.

�� "Yes,
it's real. You see, Narumi-san, just as you are Kiyotaka-san's younger brother,
Yaiba also had a younger brother, Hizumi. And he is the one that controls Fate,
as the other Mindbreaker."

�� "So...if
he actually controls the Fate...then why not kill him? Yaiba created this whole
mess...couldn't it just be stopped by killing his younger brother?" There
had to be a way to do it without so much bloodshed, but the thought of getting
rid of at least one of them caught the interest of that little voice that told
him he needed to kill before being killed.

�� Cassandra
sighed sadly. "We thought of that, but...we can't touch him. Even if there
wasn't a debate over whether he's a Blade Child himself, there's the fact that
he's too well protected. He's a deadly person, fully capable of taking out
whole cities if need be. All we can do is neutralize him by getting rid of the
more active agents to Fate."

�� "And
then....what happens when only he is left...?" Ayumu asked softly, almost
unable to believe that he was actually pondering her words. But Madoka had said
that he needed to go to those that would help him. What if that didn't mean
those that he had gotten close to before?

�� Cassandra's
smile was so warm, so open, as if inviting him to step into the sun after long
hours in the dark. "By then, we'll have weakened Hizumi enough to trap
him. And then, we can decide whether he truly has to die, or if the bloodshed
can end without that last slaying."

�� "I...I
see... Do you think....that it could be done without killing everyone? Weaken
him enough and trap him before all but he has to die?" He moved forward
first one step, then two, unsure of himself or what he was thinking anymore.

�� Cassandra
sighed, looking sad. "I won't lie to you, because you've had too much of
that. I won't hide truths." She looked at him, meeting his tormented
golden eyes with her own clear blue. "I'm afraid there isn't. We've tried,
and many Hunters have gone down in the attempt. And now, with some of the Blade
Children coming into their powers earlier than expected, Hizumi has even more
to call on for his defense. Sad as it is, the Blade Children will have to die,
before more people are hurt like you, or killed like Mama."

�� Ayumu
sighed softly, holding her gaze for a long moment, trying to gauge it. Finally,
he lowered his head. "I don't want to make the killing blow," he
whispered.

�� Cassandra
smiled. "You don't have to unless you wish to. Otherwise, it's enough to
have the help."

�� Reaching
up, he ran a hand through his hair. Was this really the right decision? He
didn't know...but he wanted that scared, unsafe feeling to go away, no matter
what the cost. Maybe he could overcome his fear of the Blade Children by
answering that very strong call to lash out at them. "I...don't know how
much help I could be, but..."

�� There was a
loud crack, and a bolt of silver lightning suddenly struck down between
them, sending Cassandra back with a startled cry.

�� "You'll
do no such thing, Little Narumi." The voice was Rio's.

�� Ayumu
jumped back, his eyes wide and startled, as if coming out of some kind of
trance. "R-Rio...?!" He wanted to be angry, but he was too busy
getting his heart to calm down to worry about that.

�� Rio
appeared out of the darkness, but it was a Rio
much changed. Her hair was down, and within the argent strands were strings of
black feathers. Her eyes were lined in red and black, and red and black stripes
slashed over her face and down her neck to beneath her clothing. Her ears were
now pointed, and black claws adorned her hands. Most notable were the black
feathered wings against her back. "You're making a mistake, Little Narumi.
Siding with Huntress Cassandra will only lead to chaos. Once you're no use to
her, she'll kill you with just as much relish as when killing her
brethren."

�� Cassandra
glared at her, then smiled, but it was not a pleasant smile. "Takeuchi
Rio. I see you've Awakened. I didn't think that Yaiba had actually found a
woman from the Tengu clans."

�� "Wh-what's
going on?" Ayumu said quietly, taking another step away from them both. He
had been staring at Rio until Cassandra spoke,
and then that smile sent chills down his spine. Lies... His arms crossed
over his chest, hugging himself. Not more lies...

�� Rio turned to look at him, her gray eyes angry. "You
were just about to ally yourself with the most deadly Hunter there is. She's a
heartless murderer who enjoys killing Blade Children most of all because they
represent the greatest challenge to her. The reason? Cassandra is a Blade Child
too. And her most potent weapon is your dreams. All she needs is a strand of
hair or a drop of blood to have a connection."

�� Amber eyes
turned back to Cassandra, feeling the impact of Rio's
words sinking in. He felt that slow burn of anger thread into his blood. If
what Rio was saying was true, he would have
been tricked by another Blade Child. Ayumu didn't know what to think.
"You...got into my dreams... Did you get my hair from Kanone?"

�� Cassandra
looked annoyed, but sighed and put her hands on her hips. "Well, now that Rio's blown my cover, there's no real reason to hide it,
is there? Yes, I got your hair from Kanone-chan. He's a sweetie, the way he
tends to bend to my every wish. Unfortunately, I didn't count on any more of Rutherford's pets maturing before I'd claimed you for my
own uses. The fact that she's here at all rather surprises me."

�� Rio shook her head. "Tengu can easily appear in
peoples' dreams. And after what happened this afternoon, I knew I had to watch
him, just in case. I won't let you subvert the Hope!"

�� "B-but
I...tried to kill you..." Ayumu said, his tone confused and more than a
little lost. "Why would you....still look out for me...?"

�� Rio turned to look at him, the anger fading from her eyes
into something sadder. "A couple reasons, really. You are the Hope, and
the Blade Children need you. You are our friend, and we need you. And
you are Eyes's and Kousuke's faith, and they need you most of all."

�� What
about what I need...? he wondered to himself, but he didn't say it out
loud. He turned to Cassandra, frowning. "You would have used me to kill
despite my protests. To what point or purpose would you have to kill
your own kind? Are you really trying to stop Fate?"

�� Cassandra
laughed. "Stop it? Of course not! My mission is to use the Hunters to weed
out the weak Blade Children, who are unfit to supplant the sheep that currently
call themselves the human race. And you would have been a great asset to
that. Only weaklings and fools would hesitate to kill the Hope if their lives
depended on it. And you would have made such a skillful killer. But then, you
already do, don't you?" she said, glancing at the terrible bloody scenes
still going on behind them, one step removed.

�� Ayumu
turned his head away sharply, squeezing his eyes shut. "I had no options
left," he said through clenched teeth.

�� "Hmph.
You enjoyed it." Cassandra pointed out.

�� "That's
not true." Rio protested softly.
"Little Narumi's a gentle person, Cassandra. He wasn't meant to kill. He
was born to offer sanctuary, not death. And if you come near him again, I will
destroy you."

�� Cassandra
raised an eyebrow. "Is that so? How do you know you'll even be able to?
You've Awakened, after all. Hizumi-sama will snatch you up the moment you leave
here."

�� Rio's lips thinned with annoyance. "Then I will take
the steps needed to prevent that. Little Narumi," she shouted, her tone
commanding, "let me into the Web!"

�� That
snapped him back to reality, staring at Rio
wide-eyed. The Web... He'd forgotten about it in his haste to try and close
himself off from the pain. He knew that Eyes and Kousuke had been a part of it,
but they were still fighting, they were fine and holding on to their sanity. It
had allowed him to push the existence of his own connection out of his mind,
sever it. He had left Kanone's believing that he didn't want to be the Hope
because it would mean never having to undergo that kind of pain again.
"I....I can't..."

�� Rio glared at him, her eyes blazing like ball lightning
for a moment. "Little Narumi, you can either let me into the Web so that I
have the freedom to keep you safe from her, or you can run away like a child,
and prove yourself to be a thousand times weaker than Kiyotaka ever was!"

�� A flash of
rage darted across Ayumu's amber gaze, and he locked eyes with Rio. It was as if his mind reached out to forcibly find
hers, seeking it out the way he had Kousuke's when he'd unknowingly discovered
the real thing underneath the altered personality. Rio's
presence was easy to find, especially here in his dream. Yanking her 'in' with
him was the work of a moment, and his expression was grim. "Happy now? I
get sick of people using my brother against me."

�� "If it
makes you see sense and gets you to act instead of react, I have
no qualms with pushing your buttons." Rio
replied tartly, before turning to glare at Cassandra once more. "Leave
now, or I'll make you leave."

�� "Oh?"
Cassandra murmured, "And how will you do that? I could just Sing for the
boy."

�� "You
won't." Rio replied. "You wouldn't
dare risk tampering with the shadows already implanted into Little Narumi's
mind. And I know you can't use your gift of Light as a weapon here. In this
world of dreams, I'm the stronger of us. But I'd rather not force Ayumu to
witness another death."

�� Ayumu
watched the two of them, wondering distantly how it was that these two had more
control over a dream that should have been his own than he himself did.
"Leave..." he said to Cassandra. "You're not welcome here. You
never were."

�� Cassandra
glowered at him, those guileless blue eyes now hard and vicious. "Very
well. But I'll come for all of you eventually. I am not considered the greatest
fear of the Blade Children for nothing." With that, she vanished. With it
went the terrible images of the nightmare.

�� Rio turned to Ayumu, looking sad. "I'm sorry I had
to burst in, Little Narumi. I know you'd rather we all stayed away, but I just
can't leave you to jackals like her. Are you okay?"

�� Ayumu took
a seat right there, plopping down to the ground and hugging his knees. "I
guess so...as all right as expected. Th-thank you."

�� Now that
things were calm again, it was suddenly apparent that holding Rio's
section of the Web was...harder than it should have been. He could still
do it, but the wellspring of strength that he'd had with Eyes and Kousuke was
no longer there, as if it had all drained away when the connections to them
snapped.

�� Something's
wrong... "I...I'm sorry, Rio."
He meant it for what he'd done earlier. For some reason, knowing that this was
a dream and not reality made it easier for him to control himself while she was
'near'.

�� Rio shook her head, the feathers in her hair rustling
softly. "It's not your fault. Little Narumi, none of the deaths
were your fault. There was a telepath among those that hurt you. He did
something that makes you kill when Blade Children get too close. That included
the ones hurting you at the time. You couldn't control yourself, either then or
at school today. That's why I wanted you to come back. Eyes is a telepath, and
we think he can fix this."

�� "I...don't
know if I'm ready..." And it was the truth. He still didn't know what to
expect of himself, or how he'd react outside of his dreams if he got that close
to them. He took a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. So someone had
made those voices in his mind? He might have thought it untrue, too farfetched
if he hadn't seen everything else he had since meeting the Blade Children. He
was beginning to think he should just come to terms with expecting the
unexpected.

�� Rio looked unhappy with that, but nodded acceptance.
"Okay. I'll go now, but please consider it." And then she was gone,
leaving Ayumu alone in the dreamscape. Since he himself had no ability to
control this area, it unraveled, sending him back into normal sleep.

~*~

�� It should
have come to no one's surprise that the next day's lunch hour found Ayumu in
his normal brooding spot. A day at school just wasn't normal without him
finding his way to the roof to be alone with his thoughts. It wasn't as if he'd
been paying all that much attention in class anyway, still caught up in the
last couple of days and how they related to the last couple of weeks. Except
that when he was on the roof, there was a far less chance that he'd have some
teacher coming over to demand if he was paying attention. He found himself at
the fenced edge of the roof again, staring out but not really seeing anything
beyond.

�� There was
the sound of the roof door opening, and footsteps behind him.

"Been busy, haven't you, Ayumu?" came Kousuke's voice, sounding flat
and slightly angry.

�� Ayumu's
lips parted in a gasp of surprise. Usually he knew when someone was coming up
the stairs, before they reached the door. But he had been so deep in thought
that he didn't even know until the more obvious sounds had been made. His
entire body went rigid, hearing the angry tone and bracing himself for a
confrontation. Even now, that defensive feeling crawled down his spine, telling
him to be on guard.

�� Kousuke
looked at the boy in front of him, noting the stiffness of his frame, but at
the moment too angry to care. "You nearly killed Rio
yesterday, Ayumu. And then you nearly sign yourself over to Huntress Cassandra.
I thought you were better than that."

�� Guilt
swelled up in Ayumu as if it were tangible within his body. He swallowed hard,
but couldn't choke it back. It felt so meaningless to say that he was sorry
again, especially when he agreed with Kousuke about being better. He used to
be, but these days there was no way to tell. He twined his fingers in the chain
links again, much like he'd done the day before, his forehead resting on the
cool steel. "Thank you for the recap of my mistakes, Asazuki. Is that all
you have to say?"

�� "No.
In fact, I have a bunch of stuff I'd like to say, but most of it would
get us both expelled," the nekojin hissed. "I just came to warn you. Never
harm my family like that again. Ever."

�� The
hostility in his voice was awakening other things besides guilt. The fear was
rising again, and with it, the horrible drive to attack and kill. And it was
worse this time, because Kousuke was one of the two that desired him.

�� Ayumu clung
tighter to the fencing, as if he could hold on from getting sucked into that frightening
mindset. But it was already there, eating at the edges of his mind and feeding
the fear that having Kousuke this close induced. "Don't... threaten me,
Kousuke..." It wasn't a demand or a threat of his own. The slight
undertone to the almost whispered response was that of a plea. He knew that if
the redhead got too close or said too much, he'd lose control, just like he had
yesterday with Rio.

�� "It's
not a threat. It's a promise." Kousuke snapped. "If you ever
hurt one of us for no reason ever again, I'll be forced to retaliate. I'll
regret it for the rest of my life, but that won't stop me. I protect those I
care for. But if you can't get yourself together enough to let us help you, and
then attack those of us that try to reach out to you, then you're no better
than a Hunter to me." Kousuke's angry gaze was boring into Ayumu's back
now, almost a tangible weight. Under the anger in his voice, however, was just
the slightest hint of hurt. Ayumu's fear of them seemed to bother him just as
much as it bothered Rio. Perhaps more, since
they'd been so closely connected before.

�� "I
couldn't help it," Ayumu protested quietly, and even to him it sounded
like a weak excuse, even though it was very much the truth. "If you want
to compare me to a Hunter, then so be it. But if you're going to do it, then
you should treat me like you would any other Hunter." The brunette felt
angry with himself for having so little control, for wanting retaliation and
punishment for what he'd done. He'd been carrying that cross ever since the realization
of what he'd done to the wolves hit home.

�� Kousuke
clenched his fists, trying to restrain his temper. "Don't give me that
fatalistic crap. Do you think you're the only one hurting from this? I love
you, you stupid idiot! How do you think it makes me feel, to watch you try and
hurt everyone I care about and know I'll have to do something about it? Did it
ever occur to you that it hurts me to see you fighting this alone?!" He
looked away, shaking with suppressed emotion.

�� Ayumu felt
steel biting into his palms, but he didn't dare let go, feeling like it was the
only thing keeping him afloat right now. "It's not fatalistic! This isn't
some kind of comparison over who hurts more! I'm sure it hurts you and it hurts
Rio and it even hurts Eyes, but I don't have
the room in my mind to think about it! I can barely see straight as it is when
I get too close, and that's not how I ever wanted it to be! I wanted to help
you, but I can't!"

�� "Look
at me, Ayumu."

�� Fear took a
chilling hold of him; the boy terrified that looking into those eyes after
hearing the tone of his voice would send him over the edge. However, he didn't
think he could live with himself if he didn't do it. Rio
was right about him not wanting to be weak, even without mention of his
brother.� Uncurling the fingers of one
hand, he slowly turned his face to Kousuke, still holding on with the other
hand. It took a deep breath and steeled nerves to lift his tormented amber eyes
to the green-gold ones that demanded his attention.

�� There was
anger, but it was an imperfect veil, with both worry and deep affection in
those cat eyes. "We wanted to help you, too. Eyes and I felt your pain
when it happened, and we wanted to help. But you were too far away, and it was
all we could do just to stay sane. Now, we can try to help, only if you can be
strong enough to let us close one more time. But if you can't do that, and just
run away from everything, then there's nothing we can do. You'll end up losing
control and killing one of us, and if it's not me, I'll end up killing you. I
don't forgive Hunters, even if one is someone I love. But it all depends on you
being as strong as we thought you could be."

�� "Rio....says the desire to hurt you...isn't mine...."
Ayumu annunciated the words very carefully, like he was trying to speak while
deep in thought. "The strength that I thought I had I can't seem to find
anymore, at least...not when I need it. But it always seems to be there when I
can't control it. And that lack of control could be what hurts you, and if I
brought that to your door and did something I would regret, then it would only
make things worse."

�� "It's
triggered by your fear, not our proximity." Kousuke replied flatly.
"Trust the empath on this. If you want to control it, it means facing
those fears. And the only one who can fix you now is Eyes. So if you want to
have full control of yourself, you'd better get your act together."

�� Ayumu
looked at his free hand, the grooves of the metal he'd gripped still fresh in
his skin. There was no denying that he was trembling. "I can feel it, even
now...the moment I heard your voice. I didn't fear your voice like this
before...not even when you were really trying to kill me."

�� "But
now, you're suffering from having been tortured, and having it shoved down your
throat that all of us will hurt you. Even if it's not rational, you're going to
be scared. I've been tortured before, and I still can't stand up to a forceful
woman, even years after. So now, you're scared of us all, because the pain's still
there. And you can't make yourself believe that at this point, we would never
hurt you."

�� He hated
it, the slow nod of his head in agreement. Yet he knew he couldn't lie.

�� Kousuke
sighed, shoulders slumping, expression still upset, but no longer quite so
angry. "To heal, you have to have the will to take the steps towards
recovery. When you can overcome your fear enough to get help, Eyes and I will
be waiting. Until then, don't come near us. I'm not going to be responsible for
my actions if someone else gets a set of bruises to match Rio's."

�� "It
probably... means nothing," Ayumu said, unable to hold the gaze any
longer. He knew that he was wrong, whether he could help it or not.
"...but I'm sorry."

�� Kousuke
shook his head. "Never mind. I'll just be glad when hatred doesn't hang
over you like a black cloud. If you're going to hate, do it in private, where
it doesn't give me nightmares that disturbs both mine and Eyes's sleep. He's
beginning to get testy."

�� Ayumu
didn't know what to say to that, so he let it go. He had enough guilt to last
him awhile and trying to justify that with an answer would probably be
impossible.

�� When it
became apparent that no answer was forthcoming, Kousuke just shrugged and
turned to walk back to the door leading to the stairwell. "When you manage
to find your backbone, come see us. Ja."

�� It hurt,
there was no denying that. But maybe getting kicked in the face with the real
source of the issue was all that the Little Narumi would need. By tonight, he
would make his decision.

~*~

�� Dinner was
on the table before Madoka came home that night, some curry that didn't come
from a box. Ayumu had come home from school and prepared the thoughtful meal
from scratch, feeling that he owed it to his sister to do things right, especially
with the way she'd tried to help him the day before and the way he hoped she'd
help him tonight. He was seated in one of the chairs backward, straddling it,
chin resting on his arms.

�� Madoka
usually came home with some sort of fanfare, whether it be cheerful or ticked
off. Today seemed to be one of the former, as she popped in the door and
smelled curry. "Ayumu! Your wonderful amazing talented sister is
home!"

�� "Wonderful,
because her four-star chef of a little brother fixed her some dinner," he
responded, which was a vast improvement from how he'd greeted her home
yesterday.

�� Madoka
smiled a little to herself at that, coming in to flop down at the table,
happily kicking off the high heel (high hell was more like it) shoes to
get comfortable.

�� "Long day?"
the boy questioned softly, motioning that she could dig in anytime.

�� She did,
with great gusto. "My boss is a dick, but that's old news. You?"

�� He
shrugged, knowing he wouldn't be able to go into to much detail without setting
off all the big-sister alarms. "I guess you could say that"

�� "Oh?
What's up? You seem a little better from yesterday. Have you gone after the
help you need, like I said?"

�� "Kind
of... Except that I think I was looking for it in the wrong place." He
tilted his head, unsure of how much he could say and still remain vague. "It's
just...difficult to accept that the right decision seems to be a lot scarier
than the wrong one."

�� "Of
course it does." Madoka replied matter-of-factly. "After all, when
you're vulnerable enough to need and seek help, you're opening yourself up to
be twice as vulnerable to those that will help you. If they decided to hurt
you, it would be twice as bad. But if they're people you can trust, it
shouldn't matter."

�� "How...do
you know if you really trust someone, Madoka?" he asked, leaning back in
his chair. He knew that he should be eating, but precious little got between
him and truly deep thought.

�� Madoka
paused, also deep in thought. "Well, I'm guessing that there's different
ways, depending on the person and the situation. For instance, the way I knew I
really trusted Kiyotaka was in the way he smiled. It was so open an honest that
I knew he wouldn't betray my confidences. Really, I think knowing whether you
can trust someone or not is a mix of past experiences and gut feeling."

�� Ayumu
pondered that thought with a tilt of his head, thinking back to the dream last
night. Even though the Huntress had seemed trustworthy, Rio's
unexpected arrival prompted that feeling in his gut that said to go with her
instead of Cassandra. It had probably saved his life, and the first past
experience that came to mind with Rio was
after he'd won the game by the train bridge. She was the first Blade Child that
had told him to believe in himself, the first to begin making him listen.
"I see..."

�� "After
that, it's a matter of being willing to trust someone. Sometimes, even with all
the evidence in front of you that someone is trustworthy, a person can blind
himself to that fact if he doesn't want to believe it, either because of
a grudge, pride, or plain old stubbornness."

�� "How
do you become...un-blind?" he wondered, lifting his head to look at her.

�� Madoka
shrugged. "In most cases, it's extenuating circumstances and having
reality shoved in your face. Like when the one you wanted to trust turns
out to just be using you, and the one you didn't want to trust ends up
saving your butt. It happens a lot in my line of work."

�� "That
fits," he said without thinking. "And I think I got kicked with some
reality this afternoon. I really don't have much of a backbone, do I?"

�� Madoka
chuckled. "Oh, you do. But it only comes out in certain situations. Mostly
when someone you know is in danger, when Kiyotaka's name is brought up, or when
you're truly angry."

�� "That's
not enough to survive," Ayumu admitted plainly. If Madoka didn't already
know that, she surely must have suspected. "In this spiral, I'm either
going to have the strength to hold on, or fall off in the spin. I'd rather not
go for the latter."

�� Madoka
nodded. "Then you're going to have to call up that backbone of yours, and
tell it to get its ass over to the forefront. And then, you need to go talk to
whichever people you're talking about, who you obviously want to trust
so badly that you're asking me about it."

�� "Yeah...
I guess I'm not really one to ask for advice, now am I?"

�� "Not
really. Usually, I have to shove advice down your stubborn throat." Madoka
agreed cheerfully. "And I'll do it again, if you don't get help. I don't
like seeing you in depression. It ticks me off."

�� "Food
out of a box ticks you off, I'm not all that intimidated by that," Ayumu
said with a mock glare in her direction. It bothered him that she mentioned him
being depressed. He would admit to being moody, but not depressed.

�� Madoka gave
him a Look. "Okay, then be intimidated by this. Seeing you down like this
annoys me, because I know I didn't raise you to whine and hide and run away.
You're no coward, you're no fool, and I don't want to see you act like one. So
you'll get the help you need or I'll tie your ears in a bowknot."

�� He looked
back at her and then nodded once. "Now that intimidates me."

�� "Good.
Because if that didn't work, I'd call up Hiyono and tell her that you secretly
had a crush on her, but were too shy to say anything about it. Then I'd step
back and let you deal with it."

�� "Madoka!!"

�� Madoka
smirked. "All the more incentive to take the next steps, ne?"

�� Ayumu
nodded. "Yeah."

�� "Good!"
Madoka replied, "Now eat your curry, before I do."

~*~

�� The
building belonging to Eyes Rutherford was quiet. Most of the inhabitants stayed
on the top three floors, with all the floors between those and the garage
usually used as rental offices. Jhette, based in the basement, was mildly bored
today. The most interesting thing he'd seen had been a bird that had flown in
through an open window, and he'd had to end that rather quickly when Kousuke
began watching it a little too intently. The computerized Blade Child
really wished he had something to do. Especially with the pall of gloom that
had settled over everyone here.

�� His
thoughts were suddenly answered as he picked up motion in one of the building's
security sensors. And it seemed that the breach was happening right in the
garage where he was stationed.

�� Jhette's
attention immediately turned to that, watching with interest to see what or who
it was.

�� Ayumu had
managed to get past the locks on the garage entryway, slipping in through the
door after taking a suspicious look around. He closed it behind him and
relocked everything, taking careful steps into the dimly lit area. So far so
good. He hadn't felt comfortable announcing his presence to everyone by coming
in through the front doors, so he'd found an alternate route that would allow
him to make himself known when he was ready.

�� Or maybe not.
Jhette's image suddenly popped up right in front of him. "Identity of
intruder confirmed as Narumi Ayumu. Please explain why you have entered through
the garage and not the main entrance."

�� Oddly
enough, the darkness in his mind, the fear he'd been carrying, didn't seem to
act up around Jhette. He just...wasn't there. There was nothing a
hologram could do to affect him.

�� Though the
sudden appearance did startle him, and it was all he could do not to yelp as he
took a step back. "I was...trying to sneak in," he admitted
truthfully. "I just felt...safer that way."

�� Jhette
tilted his head, the still face somehow managing to look confused. "Where
is the danger, when those inside will not seek to harm?"

�� "Their
intention to harm is the decision that I have to make for myself," Ayumu
answered, feeling guilty for it, but if he was going to face his fears, he had
to at least be honest about them.

�� Jhette
seemed to accept this, because he nodded and decided to ask a question of his
own, one that had been bothering him ever since they had returned from England.
"Narumi Ayumu...what is the current definition of 'fine'? My own
dictionary has two meanings, one of something very high class or good quality,
and one of a state of normalcy. But there must be some third meaning, because
everyone here is sad, but when I ask about it, they say they are 'fine'."

�� "The
way that you're seeing it used is as a cover. Because asking someone how they
are has become such a social pleasantry in today's society, one uses 'fine' as
a pleasantry as well to keep from avoiding deeper detail into what they're
really feeling. Sometimes, it's meant to avoid the conversation entirely,
meaning that if you insist you're fine, one would have no reason to ask any
further questions, right?" Ayumu shrugged and leaned against the wall.
"Does that help?"

�� Jhette
thought about this, and looked concerned. "Riku says that once they've
found a way to make me real, I'll be fine, too. I don't think I want to be
fine, if it means I'm sad."

�� That got Ayumu
to smile, however grimly. "That's not the only thing it means. For you to
be fine would be for you to have a tangible body, to know what the world feels
like with your senses and not just what your databanks tell you."

�� Jhette
shrugged. "It is not so bad. My databases can tell me that you are sad,
and that you are trying to face a lot by coming here. But...are you ready to be
our Hope again?"

�� "I....I
don't know..." Ayumu sighed and lowered his head. "You could probably
say that's why I'm here..."

�� Jhette
reached out, as if to actually touch him, then lowered his hand. "There
are none here that would harm you. They need you, and they want you close. Your
pain is theirs."

�� To his own
surprise, Ayumu didn't flinch back or feel fear that they almost 'touched'.
That settled in his mind that at least Jhette was safe. So far, he was doing
all right. "It was...hard to believe that. For awhile, all I could
comprehend was that I would be destroyed by them. Not just the ones here, but
all the Blade Children."

�� Jhette
tilted his head, processing that. "It is true, many Blade Children believe
Fate is their only recourse, but that does not mean they wish to kill. It just
means they believe they have no choice. It annoys them to see those that talk
of fighting fate, because they are jealous. And those that actively promote
Fate do not wish for them to think otherwise. So yes, there are those outside
that would hurt you. But not here. Not in the place where Rutherford
cries bright tears for your shattered soul, and Asazuki screams his heartbreak
at your despair."

�� It wasn't
easy to picture in his mind the thought of the stoic Eyes Rutherford crying,
especially tears for him. He didn't think, however, that the computeristic mind
that belonged to Jhette would or could lie to him about something so simple. As
for Kousuke... /"I love you..."/ ...he still didn't know what
to think about that. "So what you're saying is that you think I am safe
here, regardless of what I feel in the back of my mind."

�� Jhette
nodded. "You are the Hope. The sanity of those living here depends on you.
It would be foolish to let you come to harm."

�� "Then
that is why they are so upset?" Ayumu knew better than the superficial
question, but in his time of insecurity, he was going to explore every shadow
of doubt he had. "They are worried for their own safety?"

�� The
holographic brunette shrugged, neither offended nor concerned by such a
question. "Do you not worry to your own hurt when someone you know is in
danger? Just a little, in the back of your heart? What will happen if this
person is no longer here for me? Will I still have a place in life? What will
become of life as I know it? Everyone asks these questions, feels this way. It
is human nature. So I cannot say that they do not worry for their own safety,
for the Blade Children are human, no matter that their bloodlines are not from
human stock, neither on maternal or paternal side. But the majority of their
concern is for you."

�� Ayumu
thought about the answer for several long moments. Those questions that seemed
like natural, survival instinct thoughts made a lot of sense. When Kanone had
threatened Madoka's life, he was sure that those same things were going through
his mind, even though he seemed focused on the situation at hand. He would have
known that life as he knew it would change if she were no longer in it.
"How do you know this?" He was asking about the last part, that their
concern was for him more than it was for them.

�� "I
watch, observe, and pay attention." the other boy replied, the image
shifting position, now sitting on the hood of the jeep that was his real body.
He seemed to be attempting to appear real, wanting to put Ayumu more at ease.
Probably because so many of the others were still twitchy around him.
"They are sad, and they speak of little else than how to fix what Kanone
has done. They show their care for you in many ways, from Riku proposing to go
back and cause grievous bodily harm to him to Eyes working himself into
exhaustion each night while practicing to control his new Gift. Besides, did
not Kousuke already show his care of you, back when Hunter Samantha threatened
your life if he did not surrender?"

�� "I
remember." The Hope didn't move to close any distance between them, nor
did he move away. He settled a little more comfortably against the wall,
crossing his arms. It helped that he did feel a little more at ease with Jhette
than he might have with anyone else he would have come across first. That he
acted normal in addition helped keep him calm enough for this conversation.
"I suppose this makes me horribly ungrateful."

�� "I do
not know." Jhette replied honestly. "Hunter Samantha caught me the
same way, threatening a friend, though I no longer remember the name or face. I
do know, however, that had I ever seen that friend again, he likely
would have punched me for making the choice I did. Gratitude is not something
that Blade Children count on, much. Not even those that are real instead of
machines."

�� "Yet,
normal human beings don't return favors by trying to kill those that did the favor."
He still felt guilty for what he'd done...or almost had done to Rio. The girl really had been only trying to help him,
and his only reaction or response was the uncontrollable fear and anger.

�� "It
would depend on the situation. Otherwise, there would not be a debate on
euthanasia. And in your case, it was perhaps unavoidable. Rio
knew the danger of getting too close to you alone and unarmed, but she also
felt that it was right to try and warn you of what had been done."

�� "You know
about what happened, then," It wasn't really a question. Ayumu was sure
that Jhette was kept in the loop with everything. It would make sure that their
security was as up to date as possible. Especially when one of the dangers
could be the Hope himself.

�� "Of
course. Rio herself gave me the information,
including the fact that Huntress Cassandra tried to reach for you." He
shrugged again. "We will try our best, but even I have very little data on
the Huntress."

�� Ayumu
nodded, not wanting to think about that. "I thought I had turned my back
on everything. When I went home, I was so sure that I didn't want to be
anybody's Hope. Yet, no matter how far I try to run away from it, try to live
without it interfering, it still comes back. If not Rio trying to tell me what
the damage was, then Hunters who still want me involved, but on the other side.
No one seemed to understand that I wanted to be left alone, and I hated
it."

�� Jhette was
silent for a moment, considering this. "If you truly wished for the others
to leave you be and told them so, they would. Perhaps they do not say it, but
it is there in the way they talk about you. I think they would give up their
Hope, if the Hope did not wish to come to them. I know that at least one was
not expecting to escape Fate, anyway. And...in the darkest recesses of my
databanks, I remember that my mother had not counted on it, either. She was
searching for a way to freedom without the Hope, I think."

�� "So...
they think that I still do want to be the Hope, even if I say I don't?"

�� "They
do not know. Nor have they approached you besides Rio,
and that was only to warn you of what was wrong and offer help. If you think
about it, none have asked you to take up the role of Hope again. As Eyes would
say, it is your choice."

�� "I'm
scared to say yes," he admitted quietly, as if the thought of anyone
knowing just how truly frightened he felt was embarrassing to him. He didn't
want to say it too loudly.

�� "And
they are scared you will say no. But they'll face it if or when it happens. And
if you decide to walk away, they will not chase you. They'll leave you alone to
your high school life and your cooking, and hope you are happy there. And then
we will all wait to see if our minds are lost or if there is another answer for
us."

�� To deny
that such a thought was tempting would mean a lie to himself. Normal life had
been safe and quiet, but it had also been frustrating and boring. The
frustration had come from Kiyotaka, who just one day walked away to pursue
something he never explained, leaving behind a wife who, no doubt, thought of
him every day and wished for him to come home. And the boredom...well that was
obvious. Ayumu was intelligent, to the point where it wasn't much of an effort
to do things just so that the teachers wouldn't harass him. His grades were
average, but that was only because there was no challenge to the work, so he
put in the most minimal amount to get it by.

�� The first
time his mind had been thoroughly challenged had begun the day he and Hiyono
had found the bomb in the theatre. True, he had solved Sayoko's 'accident' and
the murder in the locked room, but that was nothing beyond solving a TV murder
mystery. Having to figure out the number combinations by delving into histories
that might have only been fascinating to him and Kiyotaka had been the first
time he'd felt tired after figuring something out. From then on, it had been a
challenge to stay alive, and he had never felt so alive before. Life
without the Blade Children may have meant a certain amount of safety, but could
he really go back to that mediocre existence and still be satisfied? He wasn't
sure.

�� "So...
I'm still the Hope, even if I don't know if I'm capable of it?"

�� "Only
if you choose to be. Blade Children can't make hope for themselves, you
see." Jhette tilted his head, his expression musing. "Have you ever
considered what it is like to be a Blade Child, Narumi-san?"

�� Ayumu
remembered being told by Kousuke what it was like to be a Blade Child, what
life day-by-day was. He had to admit that he couldn't make the comparison very
well because he'd lived nothing like it. Human nature dictated that you can
only accurately imagine that which you have experienced or come close to
experiencing it. Only after he'd been Hunted, then captured, then brought home
did he start to wonder who would come after him next, how close he would come
to dying, and how much more he'd be hurt. "I haven't actually considered
it, but the more I try, the more I think I have an idea..."

�� Jhette
nodded. "Let me try to make that a little more clear. Imagine, if you
will, that you are a Blade Child. From the very moment of your birth, you know
that there is something about you that is different from the children around
you. You are far more intelligent, for one thing, and this isolates you,
because normal children do not appreciate being faced with those that are
smarter or more talented. Almost as soon as you can toddle and talk with some
vestige of coherency, you are taught to kill, and told over and over that you
are doomed to lose all that makes you an individual and kill everyone around
you. You come to believe you are cursed, and that nothing can save you. And
since you are cursed, you must be a bad person, no matter what you want or do.
As you grow older, you find out that there are people out there who want to
kill you, just because of what you are. You don't want to die, so you fight,
but now you do not dare to keep anyone or anything close, because they could be
killed or destroyed to get to you. You don't even dare love one of your own,
because there are factions within the ranks of the Blade Children, depending on
whether or not you are willing to at least try to escape Fate or not. The
infighting is even more deadly than the Hunters, sometimes, and no one can be trusted.
You grow up hardened, jaded, and alone. And then, your mother dies. You can't
help but wonder, considering that you are cursed, if you had some indirect hand
in that. So now, you are the one to blame for the death of the one person you
dared to love at all. Some people around you whisper about there being a boy
that can save us all, but you do not know whether your heart has room for such
faith. You just know that in your daily life, the only rules are to keep your
few friends close, and your enemies even closer. And if anyone attacks, kill
without mercy or be the one to die. There is no room to even dream of having a
future, because you've been told that Fate will consume you by the time you
have reached twenty. So any passions you might have must be pushed to the
wayside, or be destroyed when you lose yourself."

�� Ayumu's
next breath following the explanation was slow and deep. He didn't even have
the bitterness to think that Jhette's words were an exaggeration. With the
exception of how the few Blade Children he knew tried to live, he could
honestly believe that everything was the truth. There were some times, in the
beginning, where Ayumu would have thought that Eyes and Kousuke didn't trust
each other, and the only reason they trusted Rio a bit more was because she was
very good at what she did, appearing younger and hiding her lack of innocence.
"It's different...yet somewhat the same when you're the Hope...." he
whispered, also feeling truth in some of the things he'd felt that were similar
to what Jhette described.

�� Jhette
nodded. "Those that dare to believe in the Hope take a large risk, but
feel it is better than just quietly slipping away. At least, that is how I
felt, when I was real. Now...I admit my own Fate is uncertain. I am not a
living being, so perhaps my mind will remain for longer before being subsumed.
Or perhaps I will simply be dismantled. I do not know. I suppose the
uncertainty would scare me, were I still able to feel fear."

��

�� "I
honestly don't know what to do," Ayumu said, lifting his head once more to
look at the image that sat upon the machine. "For once, I've found a
question I can't immediately answer or find logic to get to an answer. I feel guilty
for leaving those that need me behind, yet those same could just as easily hurt
me if they really wanted to. My insecurity wants me to say no so that I can try
to be safe, but I've seen that even trying to separate myself from it still
puts me in danger. My pride wants me to say yes because it would mean so much
to me to do something that my brother couldn't. And then...there is the actual
emotion involved that says that the people here are my friends, no matter how
distant I become. And doing or not doing something that will hurt them...hurts
me in return."

�� "Logic and facts are what
make up the entirety of my existence, and you can see just how little I fully
understand of everything with just those things." Jhette agreed.
"Emotions, though I cannot fully comprehend them, are powerful things. I
know it is the emotions that Eyes and Kousuke feel for you that give them the
strength to willingly let you go."

�� "I
don't know if I want to be let go." Those words slipped free before he
could stop himself. Being let go would mean that he would be alone again.
Granted, he would have Hiyono and Madoka, but those two really didn't need him.
They weren't connected to him in ways that even he didn't understand. They were
important to him, but not in that deep, soul-touching way that he felt to the
Blade Children as their hope. Eyes and Kousuke... they had both held him the
first time he'd stopped the shadow of Fate, comforted him, and in their own way
thanked him for being there. Perhaps it was true, that without him, they might
become lost. They needed him, and somehow, he felt himself needing them. They
justified his existence and his worth, first testing him in ways that no one
had, and then coming to accept him and want him in ways that no one had.

�� "None
of us want to let you go, either." Jhette replied softly. "We failed
to protect you once. How could we want to let you walk away, leaving us in a
situation where we could never protect you again? You are friend to us all, and
though I have not yet verified this, I believe you are beloved to some. So
while we would honor your decision to leave, we would not be happy about
it."

�� "I
thought, when this all began, that the primary focus was escaping Fate."
Ayumu frowned and ran a hand through his hair, not really willing to meet
Jhette's eyes when he asked the next question. "Do you...really think that
all of you might feel the same if I wasn't the Hope? When all was said and
done, if I couldn't create the Web, couldn't keep you safe, would you all still
be as interested in protecting me and caring for me?"

�� Jhette
smiled. "Did the Blade Children abandon Kousuke or Rio
when they failed to defeat you? Or when Rio
had not escaped the Hunters and was used as bait? Did they even consider
running out on Kousuke when Hunter Samantha took him away? Or leaving Riku and
I to fend for ourselves when it was obvious that we could not defend against
the outside world? No. And it is the same principal here. You have done all you
could, and there would be no shame to failure."

�� "Well,
there would have been shame for me, but I'm stubborn like that. It must be a
Narumi trait...Kiyotaka didn't settle for failure either." He sighed
softly and crossed his arms again. "But you're right; they didn't really
turn their backs on each other. In fact, from what I've seen, the few that are
here act like a very...strange family."

�� "Yes.
Right down to the sisters ganging up to bash on the annoying younger brother,
and being very good for the older." Jhette replied, suddenly giving a
grin, showing the last vestiges of what at one point might have been a broad
sense of humor.

�� "So,
Hope or not, I am welcome here?"

�� "I do
not claim to speak for the others, but there is a 99.9968 percent chance that
the answer is affirmative."

�� "I...want
to go in there as Ayumu Narumi, not the Hope, and see what happens. If they can
accept me for the choice I can't make at this moment, there is more thinking I
need to do. If they can't accept that I haven't made a choice, then that might
just very well make the decision for me."

�� Jhette
nodded, and a screen suddenly appeared in midair, with several images on it.
"Eyes Rutherford is currently in one of
the first floor offices, arguing with his agent. Asazuki Kousuke is exercising
on the twenty-first floor. Takeuchi Rio is in her room on the twenty-third,
trying to activate the hidden cameras she put in Eyes's bedroom and shower,
which I am summarily blocking. Sorashima Riku is in her room on the
twenty-second, reading a book that you don't want to know the subject matter
of. Any one of these four is open to visitors."

�� "Thank
you," Ayumu said, and he didn't just mean for giving him the location of
the other Blade Children. He had no idea what would happen from this point on,
but he felt like the talk with Jhette had helped him to have the courage to
remain here to find out.

�� Jhette
nodded. "To assist is my purpose. No thanks are needed."

�� "A
thanks is always good between friends," Ayumu replied, turning to go to
the elevator.

�� "Even
a computer?"

�� "Even
a person."

�� "Negative,"
Jhette argued, "Program Jhette is not a person."

�� Ayumu
smiled very faintly. "Not yet." With that, he stepped into the
elevator and headed up to the twenty-third floor. He had an apology to give.

�� Rio's door had no signs on it that would ostensibly mark
it as hers, but it was currently open a crack, and her frustrated cursing could
be heard from inside. She'd been fighting with the wiring for the camera for
hours, trying to get around Jhette's watchful eye, and so far, it hadn't
worked.

�� Ayumu
approached after taking a deep breath, peering in the doorway to make sure it
was her room and knocking gently.

�� "Who
is it?" she called, knowing it wasn't one of the people who lived with
her. Kousuke never bothered to knock...in fact, made a point of not
knocking just to be a brat, and Riku's and Eyes knocks were both firmer. Jhette,
of course, couldn't knock. So that eliminated everyone but a guest.

�� "It's
Ayumu." His tone was quiet, unobtrusive. He really didn't want to frighten
her, and he already felt his breath hitch a little as he got close to an
actual, tangible Blade Child. Her words echoed in his head...that those
thoughts weren't him, and after the talk with Jhette, he had strengthened his
resolve to see this visit without backing down or going nuts, if he could
possibly help it.

�� Rio's eyes widened and she turned to the mostly-closed
door. "Little Narumi? Come in..." She wondered what he was doing
here, and more, she wondered just how much courage it had taken for him to do
so. She was glad that she'd chosen a high collar today, though. There was no
need to shove the reality of her bruises in his face.

�� Even if he
couldn't see them, he knew they were there, and for some time to come, he would
feel guilty that his hands had done such a thing. For now, the best he could do
was offer a bit of a smile and nod his head, pushing his way inside. He didn't
go very far in, for numerous reasons he wouldn't get too close just yet. He
also didn't want to invade her space. "Are you... all right?"

�� Rio looked at him for a long moment, still marveling over
the fact that he'd even come to see her at all. And then she smiled. With her
hair down and dressed in a comfortable lilac dress, the smile made her look her
age, and it was remarkably beautiful on her normally childlike face. "I'm
just fine, and getting even better with every day."

�� That got
Ayumu to smile just a little bit more. He was so used to seeing the more
kid-like facade she kept up, and this was a rather pleasant change. "I'm
glad. Rio... I'm sorry...for what I did to
you..." His expression sobered, he wanted to get the hard part out of the
way. It didn't look like she was holding grudges, but that didn't mean he
couldn't resolve things the right way.

�� Rio just shook her head, still smiling. "It's not
your fault. If anything, my common sense has been yelling at me ever since for
not kicking you in the shin, at the very least. I know ways of breaking holds
without hurting the attacker, but I use them so rarely that I forgot about them
in the heat of the moment. I got a really long lecture from both Kousuke and
Riku for that."

�� "The
point is that it never should have happened to begin with. You were the last
person on earth I should have been trying to kill," Ayumu responded with a
shake of his own head. "You were trying to help me."

�� "Yup.
And I'm going to keep trying to help you, too. I don't like anyone telling me
what I can or can't do, so if Kanone doesn't like the idea of me undoing his
efforts, tough beans."

�� "You
were right, though...I don't think the fear is mine...not entirely..."

�� Rio tilted her head, looking thoughtful. "Oh, the
fear might be, sure. Kousuke went through something a little like what you did,
once, and he was terrified of even me for a short while. What's not you is the
need to deal with it through violence. You're really more of a 'reason it out' type."

�� He nodded.
"I agree with that. I didn't like..." He lifted his hands to look at
them, as if there still might be evidence of the lives he took on them.
"...having to kill just to get away. It just...happened..."

�� Rio shrugged. "Self-defense, Little Narumi. It
happens. From what we could see of your injuries, they weren't actively trying
to kill you, but a person forgets that when faced with too much pain, and
survival instincts kick in. The 'fight or flight' drive is as old as time
itself."

�� "I heard
him say not to kill me," he mused, lowering his hands again. "But
when I was out there...trapped... it felt close enough like I would die that I
had to fight harder, do whatever it took to make sure that I didn't."

�� Rio nodded. "And since Riku told me she'd seen a
pack of okamijin and inu nursing their wounds on one of the lower floors, I'm
pretty sure the option of flight was rather out of the question. So you just
took the only other option open. That doesn't make you a bad person, Little
Narumi. It just makes you human, like the rest of us."

�� "Not
every human kills, though...and I guess that's the part I have a problem with.
If..Madoka knew... she's a cop, Rio. Murder is
still murder..."

�� "Even
the police understand self-defense," Rio
pointed out. "And as for killing, I'm going to assume you'd gotten a hold
of a weapon somehow. For all that Kousuke smelled blood on you, you don't have
the knowledge to kill bare-handed, and your nails aren't nearly long enough to
be a fatal weapon. Would you have had such serious results if you hadn't
managed to grab it?"

�� Ayumu shook
his head. "Probably not. One of the wolves that hadn't changed had a
knife... when they jumped me, it fell on the ground."

�� "There
you go. It was chance, and that's all. My guess is that the wolves probably
didn't expect you to be able to harm them, either. But it's likely they still
expected you to fight them. It's not your fault. You were in a dangerous
situation that might have become life-threatening, you were scared and in pain,
and you acted accordingly. Even with what the telepath did to you, your actions
can be explained and excused."

�� "I can
come to terms with that after time, but in your case, you were doing none of
those things, and I still attacked you. That's the part that bothers me. It was
completely irrational, yet I couldn't control myself."

�� "That's
the point of the...I'm really not sure what to call it. Eyes just refers to it
as a shadow on your mind, and what Kousuke calls it isn't usually printable.
But it was put there to keep you from ever setting up the Web ever again,
because you have to be close to the ones that you bring in. If you can't or
won't get close, then there's no Web, is there?"

�� Ayumu shook
his head. "I'm still afraid... I had hoped that none of you would be angry
at me for not being able to make the decision right now. I don't know if I can
say yes or no at this point."

�� Rio thought about that for a moment, absently twining a
lock of dove-gray hair around her finger, then nodded. "You're still our
friend, and I personally am going to take the fact that you came here as a good
sign. But you might want to at least talk to Eyes and Kousuke. Their moping has
begun to get on my nerves."

�� "I
planned on talking to everyone, even if it's just a little bit," Ayumu
admitted. "I just thought that you should be the first that I came
to."

�� Rio's smile broadened. "I'm flattered. I'd hug you,
but I think we should leave that until after Eyes has taken a look at your
head, ne?"

�� Ayumu
nodded. "Thank you for the consideration...and for not being angry at me
anymore." He hated to admit it, but he didn't like it when she yelled at
him.

�� Rio sighed. "You're welcome. And night before
last...I wasn't angry, Little Narumi. Or at least, not entirely. What I was was
scared."

�� "Sometimes,
I feel like nothing can scare you..."

�� Rio chuckled. "I'll take that as a compliment. But a
lot of things scare me, Little Narumi. Even just living scares me, sometimes.
The secret to my success is just that while I acknowledge the fear, I don't let
it rule me or stop me from doing things that have to be done."

�� "I
suppose that's my moral lesson for the day," he said with a shake of his
head.

�� "Moral
lessons are important. They keep us from getting so annoying that everyone
around you throws you into traffic." Rio
replied impishly.

�� "Good
point," Ayumu agreed. "So are we still friends then?"

�� Silver-gray
brows raised in an expression of astonishment. "When did we stop?"

�� "Just
making sure."

�� Rio chuckled and turned back to the computer and tangles
of wire on her desk. "Well, now that you're sure, go and free me from the
sufferings of the mopers, would you?"

�� Ayumu gave
a long-suffering sigh and threw his hands up in the air. "Fine fine! I'll
take care of it. Though I think I should let Eyes get done reaming his producer
first."

�� "His
agent, actually. Something about a charity concert based in an all-girls high
school."

�� "I can
see why he'd have objections."

�� "Hai.
Especially since it's in America,
where they're a bit more...enthusiastic about their admiration." Rio chuckled, trying once more to get past Jhette to set
up her hidden cameras.

�� "Let's
hope he can talk his agent out of sending him there." Ayumu turned to the
door, but then paused. "By the way, Rio..."

�� "Hm?"
Rio murmured, her attention already mostly
taken up by her pet project.

�� "You
said that you knew how to get out of a hold without really hurting
someone...does that mean you know how to fight? I mean...without the
bombs?"

�� "Mm-hmm."
Rio replied, looking up at him. "I'm a
black belt in several things, including karate, tae kwon do, and judo. It runs
in my mother's side of the family, it seems. Tengu are known for being the
creators of the martial arts, after all."

�� "Maybe...maybe
you could teach me? You know...something to defend myself if something...else
should happen..." He felt really strange asking a girl for help in
fighting, but if someone had a black belt in anything, it meant that gender
really wasn't an issue. They were just that good.

�� Rio gazed appraisingly at him for a moment, then smiled
and nodded. "That's probably a very good idea, though I'm sure there will
be times where you'll regret ever asking me. You might also consider asking Kousuke
for knife fighting or street fighting."

�� "I'll
see about that. Thank you, Rio."

�� Rio nodded and turned back to the wiring. "And tell
Jhette to let me into the system. I know he can hear us up here, and maybe
he'll listen to you. This yaoi fangirl needs her eye candy, dammit!"

�� "I'll
do no such thing. Next thing you know there'll be wiring in my bathroom, and
then you'll never let me live it down when you catch me singing in the
shower." with that, he was off to find Kousuke.
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