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Stellar Mistakes
By : Rhov
Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail
Views: 14748 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail nor do I make money from this fanfic.
Chapter List
- 20
- 21
- 22
Chapter 21
Burning Truths
With the proposal approved, work on the campaign was set to full steam ahead. Gray came up with a script to match Lucy's concept, and they sat together through many lunches, chatting together and working on the creative side of the project. He had a way of sculpting words that impressed her, and his work made her concept come to life.
Natsu arrived frantic one morning. He had been chatting with a friend who knew people in Sabertooth, and apparently their team had already begun to shoot the Grand Magic Games commercial. Ordinarily, they would not start filming until they got the job, but considering how major the account was, Sabertooth was not merely going to impress the client with a good budget and creative proposal; they were going to show off precisely what they could do. Although it was a risk, Loke made the decision that Fairy Tail should do the same, and he began work to arrange for shooting the commercial as soon as possible. Lucy called agencies to find actors, while Freed made sure the budget for film equipment did not go over what money they had been alloted.
Lucy sat in the break room, mindlessly stirred her coffee, and sighed. Although the workday had ended, she was still finalizing arrangements for the shoot. She had decided to work in the break room for a change of scenery, when Cana walked in.
"Oh, hey Cana. Leaving?"
"Soon. I heard you pulled off a concept that impressed even Mr. Leo, and you guys are ready to start shooting. You should be the happiest person in Fairy Tail right now. People are saying you're Mr. Leo's star protégé."
"Aww, thanks—"
"So, why the hell are you moping around here?" she snapped. "Seriously, what's wrong?"
"It's … complicated." She forced a smile as Cana sat across from her.
"What's complicated? Do you mean him?" Just like Cana and her boy, Lucy could never refer to her relationship with Loke by his direct name. "You and your boy should be doing great. You have an excuse to openly spend time together at work. I'm rather envious of that fact. I can't see my boy until after hours."
Lucy glanced around, but they were the only two in the break room. She figured it was safe to talk now, but she still kept her voice soft and her words vague. "No. The lines would blur, so we're keeping our relationship professional while we're at work. I'm not clever enough to pull it off otherwise."
Cana let out a quiet sigh. "I didn't think anything could make you happier than having a relationship with the man you've long admired, but I guess I was wrong."
"If I could say he's my boyfriend, I think I'd be very happy." She looked down into her cup of coffee. "I didn't think I'd want that so badly."
"A boyfriend? What are you, fifteen? Who cares about boyfriends when you have a smoking hot lover!"
"No, I mean definitiveness." Lucy thumped her head down onto the table. "I don't know where I stand in his life, and I'm too cowardly to ask."
Cana poked the back of her scalp. "At least you're together, no matter what you call it. That's not so bad."
"It's not good. It's already this late in the game, and I know now … I can't keep going on like this. Although I knew at the beginning that this was just a fling, something wild, crazy, impulsive, now … it's changed."
"Did something happen?"
Lucy lifted her head up. "He invited me over."
"Oooh!" Cana leaned forward, ready for juicy details.
"Yes, for that," Lucy whispered, blushing slightly. "I wanted to ask him what I am to him, but he evaded the question." She stared down into her coffee and muttered, "We both evaded it. I think both of us didn't really want to put a label on this."
"But you and him are enjoying it, right? So why complicate things by slapping on labels? Can't you keep things the way they are?"
"If it were you, would you be happy like this?"
Cana gave a shrug. "My boy is married. I knew where I stood from the start, and I'm fine with it. It's what we both wanted. The fact that he has a wife at home … that's his problem. He wanted this as much as I did, so it's none of my business that he feels forced to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't satisfy him. I give him what he needs, I get what I want, and that's enough for me. I'm not ready for marriage, I'm not looking to settle down any time soon, so why bother thinking that I could with him? He's good to me, we're awesome in bed, and we're having fun. That's more than enough to make me happy."
Lucy smiled, but it frustrated her that Cana could be so at ease with this sort of thing, while she was an emotional mess.
Cana rested her chin in her hands. "You're giving up right from the start. Okay, so your relationship isn't normal, or even clear. There's a mystique to ambiguity."
"Before we slept together, I never would've accepted a relationship that's purely physical."
"And now?" she asked.
Lucy shook her head in weariness. "I don't want to complicate things, yet I want clarity. Even though I know that won't make me happy, I need to know where I stand."
"Why? If you've had this complicated relationship the whole time, and you were okay with that, how come you want definition now?"
"Because…"
The truth was, she had known for a long time. At first, she admired Loke. Then it grew. It was not long before it turned into something else. Her love for him grew as she got to know him in ways no one else knew. Every time he touched her, she loved him more and more. Her heart ached with love, jealousy, and loneliness. A purely physical relationship without emotion was no longer enough for her.
She could never be satisfied with just having his body. She wanted his heart, too.
"But," she answered to herself, "his heart isn't mine to have."
"You want love," Cana deduced. "Okay, I get that. Do you really think there's no chance that he's in love with you?"
Lucy bit her lip. She had not told Cana that Loke might get married. To him, marriage was a means to a promotion. If he was that flippant about something as monumental as getting married, how could he possibly be serious about her?
When Lucy fell silent, Cana tenderly patted her on the head. "From what I gather, he wants a purely physical relationship. Sorry to say, but you can't get emotionally involved in these sort of affairs. If you want love, and he's not in love with you, you'll never feel satisfied. Any relationship will only bring you pain if you can't enjoy it for what it is. If you're not enjoying it, then why bother?"
Lucy knew Cana was just worried about her, but that advice struck her ears as dark and heavy. It hit her where it hurt worst and left her wanting to curl up and cry.
Lucy and Cana finished talking, and Lucy took her work back to her desk. Everyone in her department was gone for the day, but she saw Natsu waiting for her at her cubicle with his arms folded.
"Hey, Natsu. What's up? I don't see you in the Creative Department too often."
"Oy, what was that about?" he snapped, looking angry. Lucy may have known him since childhood, but rarely did she see Natsu furious.
"Huh?" She flinched at just how stern he appeared, with his sharp eyes narrowed and blazing. She had a bad feeling about what was coming. As kids, they used to joke that Natsu had the nose of a dog and the ears of an elephant. He must have overheard her and Cana!
In typical Natsu fashion, he spoke the words bluntly. "Are you sleeping with Mr. Leo?"
Instead of panicking, Lucy stood her ground. No one was left in this part of the office, but she still grabbed his hand and pulled him roughly over to the window, where they could talk and not be overheard by someone passing by in the hallway.
"It has nothing to do with you," he said in a stern whisper. "And don't you dare say something like that at work again. Do you want me to get fired?"
"You sure wouldn't get fired if you're fucking the boss."
"Natsu!" she hissed. At least his voice was quiet, but hearing him saying those words within the walls of Fairy Tail made her heart thump in dread.
"I've known you your whole life," he said, and the anger turned to worry. "I can't watch you become that sort of woman."
"That sort?" Lucy scoffed. "You're exaggerating."
"You're sneaking around with your boss, going on dates, sleeping with him," he said, nearly shouting, but managing to keep his voice down. "How is that an exaggeration?"
"We're … we're not going out on dates. We're not dating." The words and reality choked her.
Again, he went from angry back to worried in a flash. "Then what are you doing? You know the office rumors, why we call him the Lion. He's a playboy, and now he's playing with you."
"There were only rumors that he dated a lot. They were never more than gossip. Most of them were quickly discovered to be false."
"Lucy," he said with a sigh, and now his face really did look anguished. "Don't tell me you're just his toy, his booty call, a text and you run off to sleep with him."
She hated to be called that. She used to think people like that were despicable. Was that the label she was seeking? Booty call? Fuck buddy? No! That wasn't her, it wasn't!
"At least tell me he loves you."
Her mouth dropped, and Lucy found she could not answer him. Loke had never said those words, and there was the fact that he was still engaged, he had not called that off despite hooking up with her. Was there any emotion at all, or was it truly all physical?
Natsu went right back to anger and spit out the next words. "Dammit, Lucy! I can't believe you're so desperate you'd be your boss's fucktoy."
"Hey!" she snapped. "That's not it."
"It is!" he yelled back. "You're not dating, he doesn't even love you, he's using you—"
"No! No, that's not … it isn't like…"
But it actually did describe their current relationship. They were not a couple. They were not just boss and employee. Loke might be getting married. Her relationship with him so far was just as Natsu said, a call and she went to him, fulfilling their carnal needs with one another. But long-term goals, romance, love? None of that belonged to them.
Just sex. That was it.
Lucy always thought things like booty calls were a world away from her prim and proper life, but here she was, a call or text and she came to him for the night. Even if it was not what she meant to have happen, she realized that was precisely what her relationship with Loke would look like to anyone else.
'I thought that was the one thing I could never do, but I got so swept up into his world, into the celestial world of Leo the Lion.'
"Just so you know," Natsu said, his anger simmered and replaced with spite, "a fucktoy doesn't get promoted to a girlfriend. I've seen it, and it never happens. That guy isn't serious about you, and he never will be. You're deluding yourself. His world is way beyond yours or mine. If he ever does settle down, it'll be with a woman at his level, and knowing his ambitions, it'll be a match to promote himself socially."
That stung even deeper as Lucy pictured the dainty woman in a white dress again. Aries was one of those lofty sorts, just like Loke. He would rise higher with her. Marrying her could land him a promotion.
What did Lucy have to offer, besides her body?
"I … know that," she muttered, sinking into the despair of reality. "I know better than anyone. I'd never be his girlfriend, let alone his bride. I know how ambitious he is, and I'm just … me," she said in self-loathing.
"You're enough as you, Lucy," Natsu assured her, and he held her arm. "You're more than enough for some of us." He bit his lip at that and looked away. "If you already know, then straighten this out before you're hurt worse. Put an end to it."
She pulled back from him and shrugged off his hand. "It's none of your business. I know what I'm doing."
"Could've fooled me," he muttered. "You're serious about him, and he's just having his fun with you. He's a Lion playing with his prey. One day, he's going to move on to fresher meat, toss you aside, and you'll get hurt, your dreams of being his princess all banished, the end."
"Don't say it like that," she whispered, tears forming in her eyes.
"Lucy, I don't want you to have to go through that."
"I'm fine how I am. No regrets," she insisted, repeating what Loke had said.
"You're lying to yourself, but you can't lie to me. I've known you—"
"You don't know me."
She stomped to her desk, aggressively stuffed her work into her bag, and ran from the office. Down in the foyer, she came to a screeching halt.
"You've gotta be kidding me," she groaned.
Just wandering in was the petite woman again. Aries looked like a lost lamb as she timidly stepped in. Their eyes met, and Aries smiled in relief.
"I'm sorry, but do you know if Loke is still here?"
Loke. Not Mr. Leo. She said his name with such familiarity. "No, I don't know. His secretary is gone for the day. I could call him—"
"No, he's not answering his phone, or even his private cellphone," Aries said with a sigh. "Do you think it would be okay if I went up to his office?"
Spite filled Lucy. How dare this woman invade the one place where Loke could be hers alone! "I'm sorry, but you need a badge to enter the elevators. I can't swipe you in or I might get into trouble." That was all true, but in her mind Lucy was snarling, 'Stay down here, you bitch.'
"Oh, I don't want you bothered. I'm sorry. I can wait for him."
'I hope you wait all night and he never comes.' "Perhaps he's in a meeting. We're preparing for a commercial shoot."
"Yes, that's what I need to talk to him about," Aries said, wringing her hands worriedly.
Lucy lifted an eyebrow. Why on earth would this elite woman need to talk to Loke about shooting the commercial? Just what was she? How could marrying her get Loke a promotion? Lucy wanted to know, and yet she feared that knowing would make things worse.
Just then, she heard the elevators ding, and out of the corner of her eye she saw Natsu stepped out. Lucy definitely did not want to argue with him again in front of Loke's fiancée.
"Oh, that's Natsu. He's on Mr. Leo's team. Maybe he knows where Mr. Leo is."
"Oh! Thank you. I'm sorry for bothering you." Aries gave her a prim bow, then trotted off to Natsu. Lucy fled just as she heard Aries apologizing to him and asking where Loke was.
Outside of the Fairy Tail building, Lucy gave a long, deep sigh. Of all the people to bump into! Seeing that woman again made her bad mood even worse.
Could she be like Cana and continue sleeping with Loke even after he married that sweet woman? No! Definitely not. So far, he was just considering marriage. He might decide against it. If he actually married, though … that was something completely different. A purely physical relationship was one thing, but adultery was something she absolutely could not lower herself to.
Lucy trudged through the streets to get to the station. As she calmed down, she realized that she needed to admit to herself, what Natsu said was true. It was a casual hookup. They were two people filling their loneliness by sharing pleasure.
Although calling that a booty call or a fucktoy felt extreme, wasn't that precisely what a booty call was? No emotions, just pleasure, sex for fun, no attachments. It wasn't wrong to want that, it was what Cana preferred in life, but Lucy had already been thinking from the very beginning…
It wasn't what she wanted. Not really.
The casual sex hookup simply was not for her. She had known that all along, but she avoided thinking about it. Now, as her emotions for Loke grew stronger, she could not keep this casual. She could not ignore her emotions, including feeling hurt every time she thought of Aries. This was emotionally damaging to her, and it made her feel sick at night.
Perhaps it was time to put some distance between them.
She sighed as she realized, it was what she should have done from the very beginning. Instead, she drew it out, letting her loneliness and lust override her logic. That had been a mistake, and now it was already hurting her.
'I can't keep doing this. A call and I go to him. Don't get too emotionally involved. But … I can't help it…'
Her phone buzzed, and she saw it was Loke. She rejected the call and hurried on her way. Not even a minute later, his number appeared again, buzzing, and she slammed the bright red Reject button. She simply could not bring herself to pick it up. She could not talk to him when she felt like this.
"If you can pick up your phone to call me, you should call back your adoring little fiancée, you scoundrel," she shouted as the phone buzzed again, and she again rejected the call. She earned a few stares at that, but Lucy didn't care.
Alone, she walked through the station gates and headed home.
- 20
- 21
- 22
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Stellar Mistakes	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Fairy Tail Views: 14748 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail nor do I make money from this fanfic.

Stellar Mistakes