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Post-metiér Conversations	By : SuckUBusJ Category: Hellsing > General Views: 8965 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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I am very sorry. I wrote this while I was drunk. Very, very sorry… :P

It’s Corona
and Tiesto’s fault. Damn them.

DISCLAIMER:
Same thing, don’t own crap… just… my crap I guess… (ew).

OH! And conversations in Italics are thoughts.

Let's review my actions last night...

Last night I kissed and I mean KISSED someone that:

1. Doesn't have a heartbeat.

2. Drinks blood... as in pints of it.

3. Doesn't breathe.

4. Has no pores; yes, I had a good look.

5. In other words, a vampire.

6. Is over a hundred years old.

7. And lastly... is kind of a co-worker and I am
not really into the whole ‘dating in the workplace’ thing anymore; it gets
complicated. (This one is the most stupid of all, I know).

Something tells me that it doesn't matter how good I have been in my
life, this is the biggest karma I can accumulate in one day. And it's not only
the fact that I kissed him; is that I enjoyed it and if I had been a bit more distracted
I would have ended up in bed with him. I mean, I was pulling him!

I need to get laid and I’ll make sure it's not by him. It's just not
right. I mean... he's clinically dead, it's weird. I do not think badly of
vampires as I have stated before… but I just… we have very basic differences,
like members of different species, which makes it… its just weird. Maybe if I
just get rid of all that tension I might stop thinking these stupid thoughts.

I hate him, why did he have to kiss me.

“I need a favor.” Seras came running toward me
as I was practicing in the shooting range. She almost tackled me.

“Hm?”

“Do you drive?”

“Well, here I get confused... everything is backwards.”

“Oh no.” She whimpered.

“What happened?”

“I have a horrible craving... it's unbearable.” She was so serious. I
almost exploded in laughter.

“Craving?”

“I need ice cream.”

“But you can't process solid foods, can you?”

“I have had ice cream before and nothing happens...” She shrugged, still
with a straight face. So she is serious.

“Ok sure I can take you but—where do we get the car from?”

“Walter.”

“Oh...”

“But I can't go; I have to patrol tonight... can you go?”

“Uh… yeah, but how would I know what you want?”

“StrawberrycheesecakeHaggenDazsandabagofchocolatechipcookies---

“Ahhh! Slow down! Let me get it down on writing ok? The
speed and the accent are not helping me...” I pulled her to my room to get
everything she wanted on paper.

I do need some company.

(tone… tone)

“Hullo.”

“Hey Clay.”

“Hey luv, saw you running around today, I
guess you're fine now, eh?”

“Yeah I told you it was nothing... hey, I’m gonna
go out for a while to bring Seras some things.”

“Out?”

“Yeah, Walter is letting me barrow a car... I have permission and
everything, wanna come?”

“Ugh, I can't luv... have to patrol tonight.”

“Grr... sucks.”

“Damn… if I could, I would, you know that...”

“Yeah... well, till tomorrow then...”

“Tomorrow then, take care, ok?”

“Yeah... buh bye.”

“Buy luv.”

(click)

I pouted a bit and went to change out of my uniform. I grabbed a pair of
ripped-at-the-knees low riders a white long-sleeve, tight shirt and slipped on
some flip flops. It was kinda chilly, but I would
just run to wherever I had to go.

Plus I AM flip flops… whatever that means.

I let my hair down, brushed it a bit, took the keys and sped out of my
room--

“Damn...” I said as I almost bumped into something big and red. “Being
so quiet is a drag...”

“Hm...” He was looking down at me… more like
studying me. “... you look very different...”

“Very observant, yes I changed...”

“Why?”

“...going out...”

“It is not your holiday yet...”

“I have permission... gonna get something for Seras—.”

“I like your pants…” He said, but I couldn’t tell if he was kidding or
not. I feel like food all of a sudden.

“Thanx…” This is weird. I didn’t sound too
sure about thanking him.

“I can see your hipbone—.”

“So?”

“Nothing... did it sound as if I was complaining?” Finally
the grin.

“He-he, funny. Bye” I said unenthusiastically and walked away from him.

“Will you not ask me if I would like to come? How rude...” I knew he
wanted to annoy me.

“Uh... can you?”

“No... but this has never stopped me...”

“I thought those things controlled you.” I eyed his gloves.

“Violence... this is not violence...” I smirked like a devil. “You
tricked me...”

“Thank you, I really wanted to know that...” More
smirking from me.

“Now I have to come, this is how you will pay me for this answer.”

Silence. I think he tricked me.

“You are not coming with those clothes...”

“What's wrong with them?”

“They give you out and I don't want to have problems... I want you to
look normal for once in your life...”

He’s still looking at me.

“Come...” I said and went back into my room. “Come in, come in, I won’t
bite...”

“Wouldn't that be nice?” He smirked.

“Yeah, yeah... I tend to say all the wrong things around you...” I said
looking at him. “I need to take some things off and change others, are you ok
with this...”

“Don't be a tease, Officer...” He sing-songed.

“Behave or you're not going, ok?” I said and he smirked again. “Please
don't do that outside, you look scary...”

“Fine...” Did he just shrug?

I took his hat off and threw it on the bed, then his glasses.

“Ok... now let’s see... take the coat off...” He did. “You never get hot
indoors with all that stuff on?”

He is kind of glaring at me.

“ Ok, fine…take the jacket off too.”

He did.

I sighed. “Ok... let's take this off...” I took the cravat off him. “...
and unbutton this-- Jesus, man you need to relax...”

More glaring from him.

His shirt was a bit unbuttoned now, in a relaxed way. I took his arms
and after undoing his cufflinks, I folded the cuffs up to mid arm.

“Can you take your gloves off?”

“Of course...” And so he did. I think he's not supposed to, but like he
cares. To my surprise, he had some kind of burned tattoo of the sigil on his
hands. It gave me a bit of goose bumps and I don’t know why I felt a little
sympathy towards him.

He is... a slave.

“Uh--good... un tuck your shirt... can u make
it not look so wrinkl-- oh cool!”

“Anything else?”

“Yeah...” I knelt down and put his pants OVER his boots. “You only want
boots over pants when you have a horse… and I don’t see any around, so…”

“I will keep it in mind...” He sounded sarcastic, not too pleased by
this I could tell.

I stood up and looked at him.

“You know... you could look good in a daily basis... you just need a
little help...” I said looking at the little make over, my hands on my hips.

“Are you saying you like how I look?”

“I'm saying you have potential, you just... need help.” I am almost
stuttering… and blushing.

“So is that a yes?”

“You know how you look; I don't need to reassure you of what you know
already...”

“I think that is a yes...”

“Let's go...” I scoffed turning away to leave. He came after me
chuckling. Idiot.

Yes I’m blushing.

(music playing)

“You're awfully quiet...” I finally said.

“Hmm?” He was looking out the window silently. How scary; he looked so normal.

He turned to me.

“Penny for your thoughts...” I sing-songed softly.

“I haven't realized until now how everything has changed...”

Silence.

“I bet you have seen many changes... being over a century old and
all...”

“A few... yes, I have.”

“A few centuries or a few changes...”

He smirked knowing my curiosity was killing me. He loves to torture me.

“Hm...” Silence. “...
you know I try to be normal about that last comment
but it's just...”

“‘Weird’?”

“No, no not weird—.”

“It's your favorite word when it comes to me.” He said still into the
window. I couldn’t see his face, so I couldn’t tell why he had said that. And
his tone was completely emotionless.

Like him all together most of the time.

“Does it bother you?--and no I was going to say something else, not
weird...”

He chuckled darkly. Almost mocking my concern.

“Cause if it does then I won't do it again...”

Silence. He looked at me for a few more seconds and then looked away.

“Does it bother you to be a slave?”

“No.”

“Oh...” I said and looked at his hands. Again I got the goose bumps as I
saw the scar.

“… does it hurt?” I asked softly.

“Sometimes...”

Silence.

Burned flesh. I couldn't repress a frown and a sigh.

“How can you not mind this?” The anarchist in me whispered.

He looked at me… though stared would be a better fitting word.

“I see you react rather strongly to this every time.”

“Makes me ashamed of my own species...” I whispered back.

He didn't say anything else. No one did. I kept looking for a place that
was open at that time so we could get what Seras
wanted and well, something for me too, now that I was outside.

“Ok, lets...” I said almost jumping out of the car.

“This is it?”

“Yeah, I wanna get some more stuff.”

“Alright...” I waited for him as he looked around. He looks so normal
it's scary. And the scariest thing is... I thought to myself... I would date
him... if he was human.

“Such honor...” He said mockingly as we walked beside each other.

“Idiot...” Remember girl, he reads thoughts! I am blushing really bad.

“You're not so bad yourself—.”

“Whatever dude...”

“—I see how the other Officers look at you—.”

“Stalker…”

“And I’m sure they would comment on your ensemble today...”

“What's wrong with my clothes?”

“Nothing... nothing at all...”

I scoffed.

I began to scan the place and thank god there were almost no people
around. I mean, he still has red eyes, but I guess he can always pass for a
Goth/Emo guy or whatever. He seemed to be doing his
own little cameo around the place because he was not behind me anymore. Oh
well, he should live a little too.

I took some ice cream for myself, some water and... hm, I’m thinking beer definitely. Too bad they don't
have any Pocky. I'll have to go to that Oriental
store where I got it from, what a drag—.

“Stay”. I felt his thought.

I stayed.

“Do not jump this time, Officer.”

“What the hell...”

Next thing I feel is his face looking at what I’m looking at, or was,
over my shoulder. Close. He doesn’t get close. Something is wrong.

“What is it—freaks?”

“This woman is following me... she insists she knows me from
somewhere...” He whispered.

I can't repress my chuckle.

“She's picking you up, man... way to go...” I am dying of laughter
inside.

“Her blood smells rancid.”

“So now I have to deal with you to scare her away, right?”

“I’ll tell you how old I am.” He sing-songed.

“Deal... you really not like her, huh?”

“Here she comes.”

“Give me your hand.”

“hmm?”

“Your hand... give me your—.” He did and I held his hand, entwining my
fingers with his. “And hold my basket...”

“Is this part of the plan too?”

“No, it's getting heavy...” I saw her walking down the isle as we were
going up. She's cute; he's just being a baby.

“Her blood smells rancid, I told you.”

“I don't think she's your type anyway.”

“Oh... do I have one?”

“You seem like the kind of guy who likes Goth chicks and stuff...
wild girls.” I chuckled aloud.

“Oh! Cigs, yeah cigs too...” I remembered.

“That damn habit is spreading like a—.”

“I don't smoke that much... but I do when I want to relax or I’ve had a
bad day or something...”

“Hmm... that's how it starts...”

“Don't lecture me. I'm old enough to smoke 5 packs a day if I want.”

“Never said anything different...”

“—I’m holding his hand and now he wants to lecture me, good lord—men are
men, dead or alive is the same—.” I mumbled almost to myself.

“You humans always implying... unless you have telepathy, why waste the
energy—.”

“Yeah, you and your ‘Vampires kick ass’ attitude, I’ll get you a bumper
sticker.”

He chuckled.

“What now…”

“Her thoughts are amusing...”

“Do I want to know?” I asked disinterested.

“She's wondering how a girl like you got a bloke like me...”

“Excuse me?” I stopped, making him stop too since we were still holding
hands.

“I remind you it was her, not me, so—.”

“Such a blonde comment... coming from a blonde doesn't really surprise
me...”

“That's not the best part...” He was grinning.

“Oh there's more? I bet she called me fat ‘cause
she looks like a size 0—I'm fine with my size 7—I mean I’m tall I can pull it
off—.”

“She had this very intense love-making scene in her head about
you and me—.”

“She what!”

“—very vivid imagination, I am impressed...”

“Intense meaning...”

“And she doesn't seem to see you as heavy... she was good even matching
proportions—.”

“What a pervert—.”

“Where did she go—.” He looked around.

“What!” I looked at him indignantly.

“Your hand is sweating.” He whispered toward me.

“Shut up—let me—.” I shook my hand from his grasp as we walked to the
beer fridge. Of course he was chuckling.

“Oh but she will see us fighting and think it is a good chance...”

“Not my fault you are a goddamn pervert... plus you're kinda cold...”

“You seem to like my cold lips last night...”

I dropped my wallet.

And of course, he chuckled.

I sighed. “If I knew you were gonna bring that
up I would have preferred to go to the infirmary.”

“Why don't I believe that... hm.”

I clicked my tongue. “Here, hold this...” I gave him a six pack.

“I'm sure the police girl didn't order this.”

“It's mine.” I mumbled.

“Oh... are you sure you want to drink in the verge of a date?”

My head snaped toward
him. “How do you know about that?”

He tilted his head with a smirk.

“You better stop spying on people or you will get in trouble.”

“It gets boring in there...”

“Get a hobby.”

“Humans are interesting... I try to understand them but—.”

“Yeah, yeah...”

I walked toward the cashier, him behind me. The girl was there.

“Do not share her thoughts with me, ok? I can imagine what kind of
crap—.”

“hm...” He
was tempting me.

I am seriously battling against asking.

“Should I give you my hand again?” His thought caressed my mind.

“Fine.”

“Shouldn't we interact a bit? We seem bored of each other...”

“If you know what to do, do it... I won't look clingy; I bet she
thinks I am... bitch... careful with what you do anyways...”

The girl left right then but he didn't comment on her thoughts or
anything. We paid and then headed to the car. He was carrying everything as if
it was nothing.

“You sure there's nothing you wanna get?”

“What I want I can't do anything about...” He almost mumbled.

“Don't say it... don't scare me... it took me a
while to get used to you...”

“Really? Less than others... actually now that I think of it... you're the only
one that speaks to me besides Pickman.”

“Really?”

“Not that I am complaining...”

“What do you mean?”

“I might as well be the envy of the units...”

“Yeah whatever...” I couldn't help but smile.

“If they only knew—.”

“And they won't ok!” I said sternly.

“As you wish, milady...”

Silence.

“You must be old... no one says that anymore...”

“574.”

“What?”

“574 this year in December... 573 right now.”

I glared at him... very much... oops almost crashed.

“Be careful... only one immortal in this vehicle.”

“You are kidding right?”

“No... I take it I look good for my age?”

“It can't be!”

“That good?”

“Oh my god... are you fucking serious?”

“I am flattered—.”

“You are older than most countries on the other side of the world!”

“And now you are making me feel bad...” He said sarcastically.

“Geez...”

Silence.

“And you have always looked like this?—I mean ,
were you human once?”

He chuckles very very low.

“So you were...”

“I haven't said anything.”

“I will ask when I'm ready to pay you... I can't loose blood that
fast...”

There was silence as we drove back. I couldn't believe it. It was just
so unreal; half a millennia old. Wow, how many things he must have gone
through... insane.

I looked around as we finally got home; don't want people seeing me
arrive with him like this. I don't want gossip going around.

“Thanks for helping me with this... you are quite decent when you want
to be.”

“I have received so many compliments, what a happy day...”

I hate how everything out of his lips sounds so burlesque.

I rolled my eyes. “Don't go bragging about it—hey, can you give this to Seras? I don't wanna go all the
way there now...”

“I will.”

“Don't tell her you came along... just that you saw me around and I
asked you to do this...”

“Is there a reason for this...”

“Just do it, please.” Grr!

“Fine...” He smirked at my frustration. He will push any button, stupid
as it is, to see me frustrated.

“Don't roam around till too late in the morning... old men shouldn't
over exercise.”

“You are so predictable.”

I stuck my tongue out to him. He blinked.

“Night...”

“Good night.”

He disappeared before my door was completely closed.

573 years old... I can't even imagine what that must feel like...

... and the experience he must have...

and does... at least when it comes to kissing.

I’ll stop before I go any further... I'm going to bed.
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