Darkness Within your Light

The first thing that the entity now known as Kira noticed was the sudden clarity that surrounded him. The rush of memories seemed to finally slow down from the velocity that they had hit him with. After a while, they finally came to a standstill. Even so, the ringing that had intensified when the memories had swiftly overtaken him didn’t stop. Though it seemed even with all of his memories back, he still felt detached from them, like they were someone else’s memories and he only viewed them, abide painfully. The swivel of emotions that had came with the memory of the sugary cake didn’t come. It was like something was holding all of it back. Blocking the emotions from overtaking him completely, he knew if he were to experience the emotions all at once along with the memoires he would most likely permanently shut down.

‘What-what am I doing here? Am I dead? Yes…I did die didn’t I…this must be Mu…yes that would make sense, nothingness…no sense of self either. That was the rule right? But wait what’s the last thing that I remember… I remember going to a warehouse…with the task force, yes Aizawa, stupid man always thinking in the box never outside it. Ide, Mogi, and Matsuda…ahhh that’s right that brainless dimwit shot me! Ungrateful bastard! Then…Near! Ahhh I hate that little bitch! Stupid revolting albino L wannabe! Ugh, I got to get it together. I can rant about that little freak later, now what happened after I got shot…? Ryuk… talking to me, saying that it was my time…that I satisfied his boredom, he took his pen and…then wrote my name down… in that godforsaken DEATHNOTE!!! Ah yes that’s right! I’m Kira, God of the New Wo-wait that’s not right…is that who I really am now?…no it’s not right at all at least not anymore…that’s to say…I’m no God…’

“Kukukuku good job Kira, it’s about time you realized this and so soon to. Thanks to you I’ve would’ve won a sizable amount from the old betting pool. No one else but myself, Nu and Justin believed that you would ever come to that conclusion so soon after regaining your sense of self. Well most of it at least. ”

The voice seemed to surround him from all angles, thunderous beating down onto him.

‘Damn that’s so loud I feel like I’m going to implode; whoever that is could you please take it down a few notches before anything else? And what the hell do you mean betting pool?’

“Right sorry, it’s been so long since I talk to a lesser being, I forgot how fragile humans were. Let’s move to a more comfortable spot shall we? Before I decide to tell you just what I’m going to do about you.”

Suddenly before Kira had time to respond to the voices rather rude comments and voidance of his question, he felt a firm tug and then a jolt of severe pain.

‘Ahhhhhhhhhhh-‘ Kira blacked out.

---

Kira awoke with a silent start.

The very first thing that he noticed was that the darkness still surrounded him.

‘Damn I’m still there? I thought we were mov-‘

It only took him about 3 seconds to realize the darkness was not because he was still in Mu. No it was dark because his eyes were closed.

‘Eyes…I have eyes, that must mean I have a body…oh god…I have a body…wait now’s not the time to get emotional, maybe if I get time to myself then I’ll be able to break down but not now…I just need to concentrate on what’s going on right now. Ah, I feel like something is watching me.’

Before opening his eyes and alerting whoever was watching him that he had woken up he took stalk of his surroundings. He was laying on his back on a hard uneven surface, maybe dirt? Its coarseness seemed to validate that.

The second thing he noticed was that the ringing had stopped. Paranoia though stopped him from relaxing. Though the silence was a pleasant change from the loud annoying sound.

‘Ok before checking out the rest of my surroundings, let’s just check my self, my body…damn, got to get a hold of myself. Ok, let’s see…head check, two arms check, two legs check, two eyes check, nose check, mouth check, ears check, two wings check…wait…WINGS?!’

Kira couldn’t stop himself from opening his eyes in shock and gasping out loud in disbelief.

“Kukuku I was wondering how long you were going to lie there faking. So you noticed your new additional appendages. Kukuku I had forgotten how entertaining humans were. You expectantly Kira are most fascinating.”

Kira finally moved his eyes which where looking at the ground in shock. He looked up from his place on the ground and saw who had been speaking to him all this time. He couldn’t stop another gasp from escaping out at the sight in front of him.

He spoke one word, His first word in who knows how many years. It was a question and a statement.

“L…?”

---

Sitting on a broken and brittle throne that seemed to be made out of some type of black stone and a reddish unknown form of metal was a familiar figure.

A slim figure in tattered and stained blue jeans, blacken feet with unusual long toes, a once white long sleeved shirt now turned a sallow pale of yellow, it was stained blackish-red with a indefinable substance, ashen-no completely colorless skin, wild untamed black hair, and red eyes?

‘No wait, that’s not L.’

“You’re right I’m not L, but I do bare an uncanny resemblance to him don’t I? Or maybe he resembles me? kukuku”

“Who are you?”

Kira started to cough harshly; apparently speaking out loud wasn’t such a good idea.

“Ah yes I imagine your throat must be dry, I can only guess after a millennium or so I bet that anyone’s throat would be sore. And to whom I am well take a wild guess. This is not my real appearance either, but I find I like this humanoid figure much more then my incorporeal form, and this way we can talk a lot easier.”

Kira froze in mid cough.

“A Millennium!!!” The coughing persistent, but much more harshly.

“Ah yes, that’s a long time to you humans isn’t it? Though you’re not much of a human now hmm? Though it could be debated that you had lost your humanity long before you yourself died.”

The reminder that he was somewhat physically different now finally stopped the coughing.

Kira tried to look over his shoulder to see what exactly the things on his back were. But it seemed that his hair was blocking his view of well everything. It was covering the majority of his face as well.

He grabbed a handful of shaggy auburn hair only to realize it was a lot longer then he had first thought. His hair was at least all the way to his waist. Also his hands…they were longer, thinner, and his nails…were claws?!

Kira decided that he really needed to fully see himself. Slowly getting to his knees he tried to slowly get to his feet. It was hard considering how weak he felt, but he was determined to stand not only to fully exam himself but to not appear weaker then the L look-alike, who was just watching this all silently face expressionless.

Finally after what seemed to be hours had passed by he was finally on both of his feet, somewhat wobbly but he covered that quickly. It was strange though, he felt weighed down like something was dragging on him, so even though he was standing he had to hunch his shoulders a little. It grinded him, he was all about standing straight and tall and prefect. To have to hunch over even a little was just degrading.

He looked at the figure on the throne.

‘God he even sits like him. That just pisses me off. Who is he? Wait I was in Mu which I should have resided there for eternally, never to get out, I shouldn’t even had any sort of conscious there, but I remember being able to think, hell I even decided that I was in that godforsaken place as punishment. Heh must have been my unconscious guilt of my actions as Kira. But this guy just takes me out of that hellhole like it was nothing…ah shit.’

“You’re the Shinigami King aren’t you?”

“Ah I was wondering how long it was going to take you, though I understand you might be a bit disoriented. Being in Mu is no small thing. It took me forever just to find most of you, and then I was only able to find the basic being of yourself. It took me centuries to find enough of your soul to put you back together enough that you were able to think somewhat rationally. After that I just had to wait, heh you did the rest of the work, even without your memories and your emotions which were dulled down to almost nothing you still found the way out. But I guess I should have expected that from the Great Kira huh? Kukukukukuku”

Kira’s head was spinning, trying to take in all that the Shinigami King’s words at once, he then started to slowly sort threw them. When the King had finally finished laughing he decided just to ask the question that had been burning inside of him since he had awoken up.

“Why did you take me out of Mu?”

The Shinigami King tried to look thoughtful and titled his head back as if he was thinking about the question. The small smirk on his face disputed that though. He lifted his left hand and started to nibble on his thumb. It was then Kira realized that the King’s mouth was filled with razor sharp teeth, evidenced by the blackish red blood that oozed down from his hand onto the already redden shirt sleeve.

Kira came to a realization.

‘He’s just toying with me.’ That enrage Kira like nothing else.

Then the King said something that almost made Kira go off the deep end.

“Well I guess I was just bored.”

---

It took a few deep mediated breaths before Kira calmed down enough not to lunge at the King in rage.
“You know you’re the second Shinigami that has told me that just before altering my life.”

“Kukukuk, ah yes Ryuk. One of my more favored children although quite the rule bender.”

‘Ya, and a big pain in my ass, that damn apple loving freak of a shinigami! All he was ever concerned by were his damn apples and satisfying his boredom!’

“Yes, Ryuk. How is he nowadays? Bored would be my guess.”

Kira was now calmed down enough to start to think rationally again.

“Ah yes, about that…well I guess you wouldn’t know, with being in Mu and all.”

Kira was starting to get really annoyed with the King’s amused vagueness.

“What do you mean?” He asked threw clenched teeth.

The Shinigami King smirked before standing up on his throne.

Kira was taken back, while the King had before been in L’s signature hunched over form standing up he towered over Kira by several feet. And while standing up the differences between the King and L were now more apparent. While L was wiry in the sense of a swimmer’s or runner’s body being only slightly unnourished, the King’s body was skin stretched over bone, no signs of veins showed at all. It was like colorless skeletal paper on a rigid surface. Both L’s and Kira’s height had been around the same, a good 5 feet and 8 inches, the King though seemed to be around 7 to 8 feet tall. And the arms which where inhumanly long were just like Ryuk’s and Rem’s had been. The stains that were on the clothing that the King wore were now apparent. Blood. Old and new. In various signs of clotting.

Kira thought he was going to be sick, but he continued his observation if only to get it done quicker. He also felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time. Not since his own ending. Fear.

The King’s face, while it did share some characterizes to L’s it was only the most basic of similarities. While L’s face had been soft and creamy looking, the King’s face was sharp and hard. And the eyes, instead of being a vacant yet oddly warm blackish grey they were red, the King’s eyes where the color of freshly spilled blood. And where L’s eyes had been underlined with black giving him an almost panda like look, on the King the black outlining around the scarlet eyes gave the impression of the pits of hell.

“Have you finished with your ogling now?”

The King chuckled when Kira flushed with embarrassment and anger.

“Kukukuk, so much fun, now I understand what Ryuk meant, you are most entertaining Kira. There are also other reasons I have brought you back other then being bored you know. ”

Kira gave let out a small growl.

“Alright, alright, calm down its not like we don’t have time to just chat, you and me being the only two beings left in existence.”

Kira froze and stared at the King in disbelief.

“What?!”

“Yes, it seems that the humans don’t really have that much of a survival instinct, they much more preferred to kill everyone and everything around them in petty squabbles and stupid ideals.”

“Wha-what happened?”

Kira was in a daze. It all felt so unreal, for only him and apparently the King of Death to be the only beings still alive…ok well he himself wasn’t really alive, at least he didn’t think so, not after having died and being in permanent limbo, which he guessed wasn’t so permanent, if the King can take him out of it, even though according to the King it took a long time. And he didn’t think the King himself could count as being alive either. Kira decided to leave off the technicalities of the situation and wait for the King to answer his question.

“Ok, let’s see…it was around 10000 or 90000 years ago, can’t quite remember exactly, everything was going as it normally was, you know war, crime, birth, death etc etc, it was about 2 or 3 decades after your death I believe. And yes crime and murder were still common, you didn’t change much except give birth to more religious fanatics. Actually you did change a lot just not want you wanted to. You see those Kira fanatics that you had help create believed that you had stopped judging and killing criminals because you had thought the world was so corrupt that you didn’t believe it was worth saving. So they finally did what they believed you would be pleased and proud with. They destroyed the world. Therefore cleaning it of its corruption.”

Kira just stood there, head down. His hair covering his face, hiding what he was thinking and feeling, his body was as still as a statue, not moving save for breathing in quick short pants. Finally after a while he moved, feeling as though his body was going to break if he moved to quickly he looked up into the face of the King. His face so still it could have been made out of marble.

Finally he spoke.

“How?”

“With a surprising amount of ease actually. The Kira worshipers were in the thousands, they lived in every country, when they decided to put into action their plans for world destruction nobody could stop them. They stormed government buildings, towns, villages and cities, destroying everything and everyone everywhere. All forms communications and security vanished. No one was able to contact help from other countries because everyone else was in the same situation. For a few short years humanity tried to adapt. To try to live off the earth like they did so many years ago. Sadly the fanatics decided that things weren’t going quickly enough so they raided all of the old abandon government felicities and labs, they then launched ever single nuclear and bio-weapon in every country instantaneously. Everything died. Humans, mammals, fish, birds, plants, hell even the cockroach died. The earth greatly resembled the Shinigami world almost completely. The only difference is that there where living beings, the shinigami in my world. But that didn’t last long. My children needed the life span of humans to live, without humans they could not survive long. I had to watch as one by one my children died. Turned into the dust that they were created from. I might be a cruel and impassive father but I did care for them. They did not deserve that fate. As the earth did not deserve its ultimate fate either. And to think all this happened because one bored child with a god-complex picked up something not of his world and meddled with things he should not have meddled with.”

Kira was quiet threw the whole speech; he couldn’t help but flinch at the end though. His face was once again hidden behind his hair. He felt something on his face and reached up to brush it away. His hand encountered wetness. Shocked he looked at his hand. Clear liquid covered it. Tears. He was crying.

Once the realization that he was crying became clear, it was like a dam broke. Wrenching sobs racked his body, making him bend in half. He didn’t know exactly why he was crying, or who he was crying for. The world, all those innocence lives that were lost because of his need to play as god, for himself for his own lost innocence. For so much pain and suffering that he was directly responsible for. So much to cry about yet he still was confused about the reasons for his own tears.

While he had been alive and Kira he knew that he wouldn’t have acted this way. He forgot how to cry a long time ago. The last true time he had shed a few tears had been after L’s funeral when he was left alone there and only because he had felt he had lost someone who could have matched him in intelligence. It had only lasted a few seconds and he had only shed one or two tears before he had started to laugh in manic victory. He was strangely glad he could truly cry now.

“Yes… cry Kira…for their sakes and your own…yes, maybe it’s not to late after all.”

Kira had forgotten about the Shinigami King. Surprising enough he was not embarrassed by his display of emotion. He felt cleaner somehow.

“It’s the first step. Heh, you never fail to surprise do you Kira? Or should I call you Raito? I always found that ironic. That one of the most corrupt human being in existence was named Light. Heh. Though I guess you’d respond to both names, being both beings at once, yet here you are not one or the other completely. Heh, how entertaining.”

Kira finally got his tears under control. He ignored the Kings comments, they didn’t need nor deserved a responds. He straightened up or at least as much as he could. That was starting to annoy him. He tried to look at his back again.

“Ah yes, you are probably wondering about your appearance, how about a mirror? I know you will have questions and I will answer them after you see for yourself what you have become. It will make things easier if you see for yourself then for me to first explain. “

With that being said, the King of Death waved his hand and suddenly Kira was completely surrounded by 8 feet tall mirrors. He couldn’t see the King anymore but once he caught sight of his reflection the King was the last thing on his mind.

Shinigami. That was the first thought that came to his mind once he saw the being in the mirror. It only took a few seconds to realize that it was his own reflection that he was staring at.

To start with his hair was even more haggard then he had first thought. It hung slightly passed his ass and was all about the same length except for the hairs around his face, they only seemed to go to the bottom of his neck they were like a small curtain for his face. The ends were choppy and uneven; it was also no longer silky like it use to be but coarse and dry. The color was auburn, mixed with patchy garnet highlights. His skin was a milky pasty color the veins almost invisible underneath. His ears were just a bit more pointed then they had been in life. His hands were long and bony, they also ended in pointed claws, he had no doubt that he could tear threw flesh if he wanted to. He opened his vivid ruby lips to look at his teeth, sharp carnivores’ teeth filled his mouth, only a few teeth in the back seemed to be omnivores like, his tongue was a little narrower then it had been before, but not too much.

His eyes…oh god. They were no longer the warm chocolate brown like color that he had in life. No now they were the same as the Kings. Blood. Crimson red covered his eyes. His pupils were so small they might as well not be there at all.

He closed his accursed eyes for a minute before continuing. His clothing was also different. He could almost see the irony of the assembly. An undone white ragged and torn straightjacket was his top clothing, the buckles that would have tied his arms to his chest laid on his sides. He had not noticed earlier that the sleeves covered his hands when he stood up.

He shook his head, he had just not been paying attention, though it could be excused with coming back from the dead and then finding out that everyone else is deceased. Yep, what he had been wearing was not on his top priority when he woke up.

The pants that he was wearing where also white, they were flowing and also in tatters mostly at the bottom helms. His feet where in once white slippers that had blacken from the dirt that he was standing on. After he got threw the once over, he took a closer examination. There were two glaring obviously misplaced wings on his back. The looked white at first glance, but a closer examination turned up that they were different shades of grey. They reminded him kind of like Ryuk’s wings only bigger. They had tears and wholes in them like all of the shinigami wings seemed to have. Even though he had all these shinigami characteristics he still looked mostly human. Abided a weird one.

Kira had had enough.

“Ok what the fuck am I?!”

The mirrors vanished. Kira couldn’t stop a small gasp of shock from escaping when he found the Shinigami King right in front of him, close enough to touch.

“You are one of my children now. Well you’re more like hybrid really. You are about 59% human and 41% shinigami. I kept you relatively more human because it will make things easier that way, not to mention more interesting.”

“What do you mean easier? For what? And what do you mean more interesting?! Jeez you really are related to Ryuk!”

The Shinigami King cackled. Such a fascinating child this Kira was.

“Well I thought it would make it a lot more easier for you and for your task.”

“What task? What are you talking about? Just tell me instead of being vague.”

The Shinigami King grinned a grin that even unnerved Kira.

“Well your deliverance of course. Isn’t that what you wanted your memories back for? To ask for forgiveness? Well I will give you that opportunity, I will give you your second chance to make things right. Atone Kira and Repent. Redemption. I will give it to you.”

---


Ok I’m going to leave it there because it was getting way to long for me. Owww my fingers. This is a very rare chapter, 11 or so whole pages. But don’t get to use to the long chapters. Every once in a while they might be this long like this but not often. Though they may be at least half. I just couldn’t stop writing. Questions? Comments? Feedback? Please review and tell me what you think. I myself am not quite sure what to make out of this monster of a chapter, I didn’t really plan it I just started to type. Oh well that’s how I work best I guess.

And no Kira is not OOC for crying!! I mean he learned that he basically was at fault for the end of the world! That’s harsh on a guy who thought that he was making the world a better place. And he isn’t entirely Kira right now. (I will explain in the next chapter, maybe...if anyone would review that is)

I was listening to Cascada the entire time I was writing this chapter, god I love her music, what made me cry and creep me out a little was when I was typing about Kira crying the song “Lonely” came on. It kind of worked.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!! I need reviews like L needs sugar! please! tell me what you think.