Ukyo Married

Thank you for the kind reviews, yes this is a very improbable situation, and it is loosely based on Gilbert and Sullivan’s The Gondoliers. Kentaro I did make up, but stole the Slayers Gourry’s looks, because he’s hot for a blonde. See? I only steal from the best.

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Kentaro could only stare at her stunned, and then slowly touched his sore cheek, as if not believing that she had actually slapped him.

“Why did you hit me?” he asked her as calmly as his temper would allow.

“Who sent you? Shampoo? Akane? No, it must be Kodachi!” she said in triumph. “Hiring a manwhore to pretend that he’s married to me, to get rid of Ranma’s cute fiancée is just so her style!” she said, glaring at him like he was a bug that she caught munching in her vegetable patch.

“Manwhore? How dare you! I most certainly am not!” Kentaro said sharply.

“Oh come on Sugar, the signs are all there” she said with a smirk and walked around him, examining him from every angle. “My, I do have to admit that she choose well. You must have tons of customers with those pretty features, masses of hair and tight, hard bod. Not to mention your cute tush” she said and actually had the nerve to pat it.

Kentaro blushed furiously and sprang to face her, as if she had scalded him. “I don’t know why you think I’m a manwhore; but I assure you that I’m not! I look this way because of genetics. I have never sold myself to anyone in my life nor do I know a Kodachi!” he said firmly.

She leaned on the doorframe and said “well I have to admit that you’re quite the actor. Your virginal act is good” she praised.

This caused him to blush further ‘how did she know?’ he wondered. He drew himself to his full height and said “my name is Kentaro Kobayashi”

This time he got a reaction; she went pale and seemed to fall against the doorframe “Kobayashi?” she gasped. “The family that invented Okonomiyaki?” she said in a weak voice.

“Oh? I see you’ve heard of us!” he said sarcastically. “I came here because our parents have a lot to answer for and we have some decisions to make, wife,” he said the last part facetiously.

Ukyo studied him; he didn’t seem to be anything but sincere. She reached a decision “you can come in; but no funny business” she cautioned, holding open the door for him.

“Funny business?” he said with a snort. “It seems to me that you were the one grabbing me, not the other way around” he said and edged around her, keeping his butt out of her reach in case she went into grope mode again. After meeting a Kuno in Nerima, Kentaro wasn’t taking any chances.

Uyko couldn’t resist smiling at his keeping her at arms length, she brewed them some tea and sat him down at the table. “So why are you under the impression that we’re married?” she asked causally.

“Because we are” he said, pushing the documents towards her. Ukyo’s eyes went wide to see a marriage certificate issued in both their names and an executed contract drawn between their families.

“These are easy enough to fake, anyone with a computer can make them” she said with a snort and thrust them back at him.

“Why would I bother doing that? It’s not like you’re the Queen of Spain or anything. Why would I make up fake evidence of a marriage to a stranger? Don’t flatter yourself!” he said. “We were married by special license when we were both barely a year old to unite our families, so that they would put aside their differences and work together. Well that and your family really wanted the recipe for my mother’s secret sauce” he added.

“Oh yeah, then why haven’t I hear anything about this before?” she said her temper flaring.

“Your father didn’t approve, so he stole you away in the night and we haven’t heard from you since. The only reason why you were found was because you won an okonomiyaki contest and it made the papers. Do you know how long we’ve been searching for you? Ask your father if you don’t believe me” he suggested

She bowed her head “my father’s dead; he died shortly before I moved to Nerima” she said in a grief filled voice.

Kentaro calmed down immediately, “I’m sorry” he said softly and set his hand on her shoulder. “You should get in touch with your mother then; she’ll tell you the truth. She’s been worried sick about you; you’re the only child she has” He narrowed his eyes at her when she went chalk white and the shoulder beneath his hand went ridged.

“How can I ask her?” she demanded. “My mother’s dead, my father told me so!”

Kentaro started lightly stroking her shoulder, as if seeking to help her release the tension from her body “your mother’s alive and well. She just turned 36 this year and hasn’t changed a bit from when I was a little kid” he said gently.

She slapped his hand way and stood up “you’re lying! She died the night my father and I left, he told me!” she screamed at him.

Kentaro didn’t even think twice and pulled out his cell phone. He dialed a number “Kuonji-san, its Kentaro. Yes, I’m doing fine. Yes I packed plenty of clean underwear” he said rolling his eyes at Ukyo. Ukyo just sat there, not sure whether to believe him or not. “I’m in Nerima with Ukyo; she was told by her father that you’re dead. You should talk to her” he said, holding his phone out to Ukyo. She took it with nerveless fingers and held it to her ear. For the first time in many years she heard Suki Kuonji’s voice, “Ukyo?” The voice on the other end sounded just as disbelieving as Ukyo did.

Ukyo started sobbing “Mama?”

Kentaro excused himself and went downstairs to the restaurant to read a book while he waited. About an hour later he was joined by Ukyo, whose eyes looked swollen from crying.

“You’re right; she is alive and we are married. She’s going to be here in a few weeks, she apologized about not coming with you to prepare me” she said looking straight ahead, and then she made herself look at him. She was surprised to see not a look of smugness on his face, but concern.

“Yes, she couldn’t come; her niece, your baby cousin is sick and she went to take care of her. I’m sorry you had to find out this way” he said honestly; wishing her could hug her, but wasn’t sure what sort of reception that would receive.

“So this is it? I’ll never marry Ranma because I’m already married to stranger? Are you the one they sent to drag me home to make me into a proper housewife?” she asked dully.

He shook his head “no, I just wanted to meet you, not make you into something you don’t wish to be. I have no claim on you as far as I’m concerned, we can get divorced whenever you wish” he explained.

“My mother insisted we shouldn’t do that” she said uncertainly.

“Ukyo we are of age to get a divorce and they shouldn’t have been able to marry us in the first place. You’re as much a stranger to me as I am to you. I don’t want to screw up any relationships that you made in your ignorance. If a divorce is what you want, a divorce you shall get” Kentaro explained.

She found herself liking the blonde man, grudgingly that is. “Well, I’m sure that a cute guy like you must have ‘relationships’ to and they would be glad for you to be single” she teased.

He smiled almost sadly “there have been many girls who would have liked to have dated me and a few I would have liked to have dated as well, but in truth, there’s no one. When I lived at home and girls came around me, my parents and your mother would tell them I was unavailable. It got so that I started doing it myself” he explained.

She realized that he hadn’t been acting earlier “so what would you do after the divorce?” she asked him curiously.

“Go on dates and see where they lead to” he said with a shrug. “I’ve never been on one and wouldn’t mind trying” he said almost wistfully.

She smiled at how naive he appeared to her, and then got sad when she realized that she’d never been on a date before either. “I’d like to try going on one too” she admitted.

He looked at her “your fiancée’s never taken you out on a date?” he inquired, and then remembered Ranma had three others. “Never mind, he explained his numerous engagements to me” he admitted.

She sprang up and swung her spatula at him, only for him to block it with his own. She gasped at the sight of it. Any doubts she’d had as to his identity up to that point flew out of the window. However she wrenched herself back to the present. “How dare you tell Ranma that we’re married! Are you trying to kill my chances with him! Bad enough I have to compete with those others bitches without them knowing about this!” she said, tears stinging her eyes as her hopes of Ranma marrying her and them opening a restaurant together evaporated.

He plucked her spatula from her hands and sat her in a booth. He sat opposite her and rubbed her suddenly cold hands with his own, she let him. “I only told him because he was challenged me about my stupid gawking at you; well he thought it was directed at him. I’ve already told him that I’ll give you the option of becoming my wife in truth and if you don’t want to, then we’ll get divorced immediately. We could just file a no-fault divorce and you would be free by the end of the day” he said.

“My mother made me promise to wait until she got here” she said gazing down.

“I’ve waited fifteen year, I can wait a few more weeks” he said with a shrug. Do you mind if I stick around Nerima? I could help you in the restaurant, I don’t need to be paid” he requested.

Ukyo smiled in uncertainty “is it true that your family has more money than the gods?”

He shrugged “maybe a couple of dollars”

“I don’t have any objections to your helping out, but why do you want to stay in Nerima?” she asked.

“I don’t know, I’ve met some of the strangest people I ever have in my life here and I get the impression that I’m only scratching the surface. There is something compelling about this place that seems to draw people in” he said.

“I know what you mean” she said. “Where are you going to stay?” she asked.

“I’ll find a hotel” he explained and turned to gather his stuff. “Not Nabiki Tendo’s room” he said with a frown.

“You could stay here. I have a spare room now that Konatsu, my waiter moved in with his girlfriend” she suggested

Kentaro blushed “I don’t think that it would look right, a strange male moving in with you when everyone thinks that you’re engaged to Ranma” he said with hesitation.

“Who cares what a bunch of jackasses think? We could always tell people we’re cousins or something” she suggested.

“Are you sure? If people find out that I’m your husband, then they’re going to wonder about us and that could lead to problems between Ranma and yourself” he pointed out.

“It’ll be fine if we don’t act like it” she suggested.

“Okay, I promised not to sneak into your room or anything” he promised.

She snorted “like I would invite you! Your room is the girly pink one at the top of the stairs” she said.

“Girly pink?” Kentaro asked raising his eyebrow.

“Konatsu’s a cross-dresser, I told him that he could decorate his room however he wanted” Ukyo explained.

Kentaro looked sourly at the room, it was a pink overload, there were baby pink ruffled drapes, a matching canopy on the bed with matching carpeting. If that wasn’t enough, everything in the room had either been painted pink, including the walls, or had a skirts or a doily added to it. He winced “I guess that no one will suspect me of being your husband when they think I’m your gay cousin” he said drily.

Ukyo roared with laughter. She’d been feeling a bit lonely since Konatsu had moved out. “Hey it’s just a room; you aren’t going to become any less masculine sleeping it in just because it’s pink” she said in amusement.

“I don’t know about that, I can feel my manhood about to drop off and I haven’t even been in the room yet” he said sourly. “Can’t I at least put the teddy bears somewhere else?” he asked. There was a whole nightmarish wall of glassy eyed pink teddy bears of various sizes stacked alongside of the bed.

“Sorry, small apartment, all storage area is intended for stock” she said somewhat sadistically. “Good night jackass” she said facetiously.

“Good night jerk” he said entering the room and closing the door. Ukyo couldn’t resist taking one more look at his butt; she could appreciate a nice looking guy as much as the next girl, but was a butt girl in the end. ;P