RUMBLE! | By : TreeStar Category: +M to R > One Piece Views: 7990 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
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RUMBLE!
34
Nocturne
Something was wrong. Something was all wrong and it was keeping him awake.
Luffy wasn’t sure how long he had been lying in his futon, staring at the ceiling through the darkness. All he knew was that it was the middle of the night and that no matter how he tried to get back to sleep, his mind wouldn’t let him.
The nightmares hadn’t surprised him. He had expected to get them. He often had nightmares, but he’d always been able to quell them by diverting his own dreams (a talent he’d developed from necessity after leaving Alabasta). Rarely did these nightmares wake him up, and rarely were they as vivid as the last two he’d had just a short while ago. Every time he closed his eyes, a horrible memory assailed him and he couldn’t make them go away.
What was the matter with him? He used to be so good at this!
‘Play the role and pretend that everything is fine, and it will be.’ He was a master of this art. So what was going on with him all of a sudden?
The past is over! Just stop thinking about it!
Turning his head toward the hammocks of his nakama, he could hear them almost all present and accounted for.
In his sleep, Usopp had just told someone that his sword was bigger then theirs, which was something that Luffy hadn’t really wanted to know, but sincerely doubted all the same.
The only person not there was the one whom Luffy really wanted to have nearby.
Zoro had spoiled him. Now he couldn’t sleep alone anymore.
He wasn’t sure why Zoro had left him earlier. Perhaps he was just tired?
Maybe he had been awake at Luffy’s side for the last three days, waiting for him to wake up. It was wonderful to imagine that Zoro had chosen to sacrifice valuable training time to sit beside Luffy’s bed, and the boy knew it was selfish to desire for it to be true, but nevertheless he sincerely hoped that it was.
Then Luffy got an idea that made his tummy feel funny: Maybe Zoro couldn’t sleep by himself anymore, either. That would be great!
It seemed perfectly fair to Luffy that if he couldn’t sleep without Zoro, then Zoro shouldn’t be able to sleep without him! Because then that would mean… that would mean…!
Luffy giggled to himself, because there was only one way that he could think of the two of them dealing with a happy coincidence like that!
Of course that didn’t help him get to sleep right now…
Luffy’s tummy stopped fluttering when he remembered his nightmare problem.
He sighed, eyes wide and trained on the barely-visible ceiling, body anxious to move away from the confines of the bed he’d been stuck in for the past three days.
Suddenly he realized that he was starving to death and would surely expire right there in his bed if he didn’t eat immediately.
At least there was one steady attribute in his life that he had to fall back on, and he seized it eagerly.
Pushing himself up slowly in order to avoid dizziness, he kept one hand putting pressure on his gut so his stitches wouldn’t tear, and rose unsteadily to his feet.
Where were his clothes?
Nami had said they were heading for a winter island next, and the temperature was starting to agree with her.
Taking a few steps to the wardrobe he shared with Zoro and Chopper, Luffy fumbled in the dark until he found a large Alabastan robe that belonged to either him or Zoro, he didn’t really care which. It was perfect. He didn’t want to bother with pants--they would only aggravate his injuries.
Soon he was moving up the ladder, quietly opening and closing the hatch to keep the others asleep.
Food was a welcome distraction, a mundane necessity of everyday life, and perhaps it would help him gain perspective on his newly found but completely non-solidified love life, and that last thing he needed was Sanji flying out of nowhere to kick his ass for stealing food in the middle of the night.
----------------
Zoro was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking rum straight from the bottle and thinking. Speculating on different scenarios, to be more accurate. After all, when he’d last talked to Luffy about the ‘afterward’ which had become the now, an interrupting island had left the boy with the opposite impression than the one Zoro had been trying to impart, and he had to fix that somehow.
Or maybe he didn’t. Luffy had talked to him fine in the caves right afterward. Maybe it was a better idea to just leave well enough alone and let the future happen. After all, the future would happen. It always came right on time, bringing change along with it.
He set down the bottle and absently picked at the label.
The door opened quietly and Zoro sat up a little more, expecting Robin to come in with a book. She commonly skulked around the ship in the middle of the night, often reminding the young man of a flightless bat.
Well, she would just have to make her own light, then, because there was only one candle lit at the moment, and Zoro wasn’t sharing.
The last person he had expected was Luffy, and he was tempted to take another huge swig of liquid courage. The kid had to be starving… Zoro felt a pang of guilt that he hadn’t done more to secure food for him when he’d been sleeping.
Luffy’s eyes landed on Zoro and he froze like a deer before he smiled sheepishly, knowing he’d been caught. But maybe Zoro would let him have some food! …If he wasn’t mad at him for being up. Or for something else.
Zoro set down his drink with a sigh. “Hungry?” he asked easily. It was a start, anyway.
Luffy nodded. “Yeah… very much.” But he made no further move toward the fridge.
“There isn’t any food left. We ran out last night. We fished for days, but we’ve pretty much had to eat it as soon as we caught it so far because it was all we had.”
“Oh,” Luffy answered, disappointment heavy in his voice.
It was quiet for a few moments before Luffy walked over to the table and sat down. “What are you thinking?” he asked, finally.
Zoro pursed his lips. “I was thinking that you’re done. It’s over.”
Luffy laughed, but it was a sarcastic, incredulous sort of a laugh. “Yeah,” he said after a moment. “I’m done.”
Zoro’s brows creased. Luffy was upset.
“What’s going on?” the swordsman asked as nonchalantly as he could. His voice stuck a little.
Luffy didn’t look up, but started tracing circles on the tabletop.
Zoro frowned. It seemed he’d picked up a new habit, because he hadn’t used to do that. Another sign that things had changed.
“Not much,” Luffy mumbled. “Just thoughts.”
Zoro nodded. “Well, you’re not used to those,” he offered, trying to lighten the air.
Luffy’s head dropped lower, and Zoro sobered up a little, regretting his words.
“What kind of thoughts, Luffy?” he asked.
Luffy’s head didn’t rise again, but he did seem to consider answering for a while.
“Luffy?” Zoro coaxed again.
The younger boy sighed.
“Just… getting used to things again. And it’s good! That things are normal again, I mean. Except..” he fidgeted uncomfortably. “I can’t…I don’t know.”
“It hurts?”
Luffy shook his head. “I’ve been hurt worse. I’m used to pain.”
“I didn’t mean that.”
“…I don’t know,” he said again.
“Have any nightmares?”
And Luffy’s surprised eyes were instantly on his. Did he know? Or was he just hazarding an accurate guess?
Either way, Luffy knew that Zoro could read body language, and that his look of condemning surprise had told Zoro all he needed to know.
Zoro looked at the bottle of rum on the table between them. “Did they just start?”
Luffy’s shoulders slumped. He wasn’t reluctant to admit the dreams to Zoro, but he really wasn’t sure he wanted to be so transparently predictable to the swordsman anymore. It unleveled the playing field.
“Aa,” he answered with all the juxtaposing confidence he could muster. “But I can handle them.”
“I can see that,” Zoro said sardonically.
Luffy’s shoulders slumped. He wanted to talk. He did! He just didn’t want Zoro to feel obligated to listen. He wanted Zoro to… you know… be attracted to him! Not get turned off by his babyishness! So he sighed and didn’t say anything.
“Why don’t you tell me about them?” Zoro asked. “Just to humor me?”
Luffy had a hard time meeting Zoro’s eyes. “I wouldn’t know how to start,” he confessed.
Zoro was secretly pleased to see this side of Luffy appearing in front of him again, however reluctantly. He could understand the young captain’s feelings. He didn’t want to appear weak in his present state. Zoro was hopeful that he could convince him that he could coax him away from that disillusionment.
“Well, what are they about?”
Luffy bit his lip in thought, eyes fixed on the new table. Zoro could see the struggle raging within him, but couldn’t hold back the smile that appeared when Luffy let out a big sigh, put his hands on the table in front of him, and met his eyes.
“Zoro, what if it’s not really over? What if Chopper thinks it’s over but it’s not and not in the small way but in a different way and things don’t get better and I get stuck this way forever? Because this is hard and I don’t know what to do!”
…What?
Zoro had no idea what his leader had just said. And he felt awful about it because Luffy looked so forlorn and suddenly on the edge of tears -- a little surprising, but Zoro had been warned about possible emotional fallout -- but just, what? What?
“I mean,” Luffy persisted upon seeing Zoro’s bewilderment, “What if they didn’t go away but just changed form? So they aren’t keeping me small but they’re doing something else now?”
“The RumbleBalls?” Zoro asked, attempting to at least figure out what Luffy was talking about.
“I didn’t used to have nightmares like this,” he whispered. “They’re… heavier.”
Ahhh… There’s that word again, Zoro thought. Luffy had referred to everything as feeling ‘heavy’ on the first day of his experience.
“Luffy… things are kind of crazy right now. You’re hurt and maybe there’s a chance that there might be something left behind from the medicine that isn’t all the way gone yet… But the RumbleBalls are gone. I promise.”
“But how---”
“Shhh,” Zoro held up a finger so he could continue talking. “Heavy is hard, I know, but ‘heavy’ doesn’t always mean ‘dangerous or scary’. I don’t want you to automatically start making that connection. You can’t live in fear that every time something feels more real than usual, or whenever you fall a little out of control of a situation, it means that something is gonna hurt you.”
Luffy sniffled and nodded, not really getting it, and Zoro sighed.
“Luffy, do you know what a ‘phobia’ is?”
The smaller pirate looked up in confusion. He looked like he wanted to try to repeat it, but instead just looked down again and shook his head.
Unable to resist, Zoro took a chance and reached across the table to hold one of Luffy’s hands. The captain automatically grasped it with both hands as if for dear life.
Zoro frowned at Luffy’s clinginess. It didn’t bother him that Luffy was clingy. But it bothered him why. “Okay. A phobia is when you have an irrational, paralyzing fear of something that doesn’t need to be feared in and of itself. To be honest, I can’t say that I didn’t expect you to be traumatized in some way.”
Luffy’s brow crinkled in confusion and Zoro pressed on quickly. “You went through a lot---you’re still going through a lot---and it’s taking a toll on you. That doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you, but things aren’t going to go back to being super easy right away.”
Luffy nodded, trying to figure this out. “So…just pretend like everything’s normal?”
“No. Don’t pretend. Just try not to let your imagination carry you away. If it does, don’t try to go through it alone yet. You can’t go back to telling yourself everything is fine during times that it isn’t. Living a lie isn’t okay. That’ll really mess you up bad, Luffy.”
Luffy nodded, wishing he could just walk around the table and curl into Zoro’s lap. Not for the last time he wished he was small again. He hoped his longing didn’t show in his eyes. He knew how telling they were; Zoro could always read his eyes.
“So… I guess Usopp must have a whole bunch of phibas!” Luffy suddenly said.
Zoro snorted. “‘Phobias’. And no. Usopp just has his self-preservation instinct inflated to 500 PSI.”
Luffy laughed shakily.
He looks so unsure, Zoro thought to himself. He so wanted to hold him. He wanted to go to bed with him and protect him from the nightmares that might have still been waiting. He wanted to do so much more, but more than anything he wanted what was best for Luffy, and fulfilling his own desires with Luffy so confused would be taking advantage.
At this point Luffy turned the conversation towards Turtle Beach and the treasure they’d found and how interesting the whole experience had been, Zoro playing along and enjoying Luffy’s company and adorable banter for a time. Once it became clear to Zoro that Luffy was feeling better, his mind on something that made him happy, Zoro allowed himself to distract Luffy from his tangent. He loved letting the younger pirate go off into his own universe and bring Zoro along with him, but with Luffy hurt, his universe was more warbled and random than usual. His speech was starting to slur more without his noticing, and his sentences were beginning to make little sense, for Luffy these were the first key signs of stress and exhaustion.
“You feel like you can go back to bed now?” the swordsman asked after it sounded like Luffy had drawn a close to one point and was ready to start another.
Luffy hesitated before nodding and pushing himself up from the table. He almost got to the door before he sensed that Zoro wasn’t following.
He turned around. “You coming?”
Zoro shook his head. “Nah. I’m gonna sit up some more and think.”
Luffy almost pouted at his answer. Almost.
Zoro nodded toward the door. “Go on. I’m on watch. I can’t leave my post, but you need some more sleep.”
Now Luffy was caught between pouting and looking at the door. He didn’t want to sleep by himself after the dreams he’d just had.
This was all wrong. He had come to Zoro with his problems just like before and Zoro had listened and helped, just like he said he would keep doing, but it wasn’t the same at all. Something was missing. There was no warm touch or comforting scent wrapping around him, giving him that chance at long last to return the favor. It felt detached and impersonal. Incomplete.
“You’ll be fine,” Zoro insisted.
And so Luffy turned back to the door and slowly exited the room. Then he let the galley door fall shut behind him.
The young Sencho swallowed hard to belay his emotions and the conflicting thoughts that accompanied them, knowing he was too tired to deal with them right then. What he really wanted to do was turn around and go right back inside the galley to tell Zoro everything. As if things were that simple.
He laughed at himself when he realized how much he had changed.
Everything used to be simple to me, he thought, irony not lost on him. It used to be that everyone else just complicated very simple things by looking at them from the wrong angle, while I brought everything into the easiest of lights. Now here I stand in the dark.
After another minute of quiet laughter he pushed himself away from the wall and went back downstairs to snuggle in the futon he was using. His back was sore, but he felt warm under the blankets and he let himself take comfort in that as he closed his eyes and tried to find uneasy sleep once again.
-----------
Zoro sat in the galley watching the door as if it would open again and a nervous teenager would be standing there asking to sleep with him.
It didn’t happen.
He was still pretty sure of how Luffy had felt that day before they’d gone down to the beach, Luffy had wanted Zoro to come clean about his feelings. Before Zoro’d sent the wrong message, Luffy had looked at him like he was hungry. Then there was the orgasm that had happened not too long before that, and Zoro had convinced himself had been purely physical at the time… but Luffy had climbed all the way up the mast to find him first because he wanted Zoro, and Zoro couldn’t help but read into that.
I’ll give him time, he thought.
He took a swig of rum.
--------
The next day was the closest relation to a ‘normal’ day any of them had experienced in nearly two weeks, and it was more than welcome. Usopp blew the railing off Starboard in an accidental Star Creation mix up that Luffy found astronomically funny, but Chopper had been there to offer many frenzied tears and the fixit kit.
Sanji pirouetted around the ladies and smoked like a chimney until his spinning made him trip over Zoro which resulted in a fight that was really loud and pointless, but permitted now that Luffy was better! Still, they were noisy and irritating, and when their argument over which one of them was “about to have your ass pummeled so I can throw you overboard and leave you for the sharks” managed to drag on for over seven minutes, beginning to annoy even Robin, Nami told them both to “Knock it the hell off, or I’ll throw you both in the ocean!”
It was a welcome routine that they were happy to get back to.
Robin had told those who were listening at breakfast that she knew very little about Black Water Island--only that people spoke of it with a mix of reverence and confusion because of the ongoing conspiracy born from people who had never visited (and no one aside from pirates ever really visited because of the rumors) about it being evil because of the name or being perfectly temperate and beautiful, but misunderstood because of the unsocial natives.
This had confused Nami.
“But I thought this next town was supposed to have a huge port on it. It’s on the map.”
“Well, yeah,” Usopp rolled his eyes, “but look at who we got that map from. He was sure reliable…”
“There is a port,” Robin said. “I’ve heard people speak of it. It’s supposed to feature some of the greatest cuisine on the Grand Line.”
Sanji looked interested. Luffy looked starving. They were still lacking eatables, and most of what they had caught the day before and early that morning had gone to Luffy because he was healing.
“Beyond the people are supposed to be very solitary and closed-off. They don’t enjoy interacting with strangers, I think is what it amounts to. It’s a very small island, and small island way of life has always inadvertently become that they inevitably have no secrets from the other native islanders, but no outsider is looked upon as being part of their ‘island business’.”
“I see how a controversy of rumors could start about an island like that,” Nami conceded.
“They aren’t actually mean, though?” Chopper asked, in need of consolation.
“Not that I’ve heard,” Robin said, and took a sip of coffee.
Everyone knew that their preference for isolation was not enough to keep Luffy from wanting to see this island (and they didn’t exactly have a choice). If anyone had asked him about his thoughts, they knew he would have answered that he didn’t care about any of that stuff; he never cared for anyone’s personal business, demands, or flaws beyond his own. Things like rumors or great events happening around him that did not directly apply to himself or his crew specifically just did not keep his interest, or indeed even capture his attention.
Plus he’d been a little flighty since he’d gotten out of bed that morning, announcing that he was okay enough to not be bedridden anymore. Chopper had agreed, but Luffy had to keep the bandages for at least another day.
Zoro spent a great deal of his day lying in the sunshine and watching Luffy through half-open eyes that feigned sleep. Truth was sleep had been alluding him for the last several days, coming only in short naps that only seemed to visit him when Luffy was near enough to be seen when he opened his eyes.
The captain seemed to be doing alright enough. He was dealing with some nervous tension, but no one was going to call him on it; almost dying could do that to someone.
At least that was what Zoro assumed it was over.
“It’s so weird looking. I mean it. I don’t know what it looked like to you, but it’s so small to us that we can barely even see it,” Usopp was saying from where he was nailing the railing back together.
“Then how come Zoro and Sanji could both tell what it is?” Luffy retorted smugly.
“They guessed,” Usopp said.
“They did not. You’re so jealous because your mermaid queen thing was so flowery that it broke when the ship flipped over. …Hey, did mine break when the ship flipped over?”
Usopp snorted a laugh. “I wish,” he said under his breath.
“Nope,” Sanji’s voice sounded to Zoro from where he was smoking out the galley door upstairs. “It’s in the kitchen, believe it or not. Though I couldn’t tell you how it survived and didn’t get lost…”
“Dumb luck,” Usopp said drolly, picking up another nail.
“I wanna see it!” Luffy predictably sang out.
Sanji stubbed out his cigarette. “Sure,” he said, sticking one hand in his pocket and turning toward the door in a bored manner.
“WAHHOOHAhaha!” Luffy laughed, frolicking up the steps.
For the next several minutes all Zoro could hear was muffled indoor laughing as Luffy beheld his clay giraffe for the first time through full-sized eyes.
The day continued in much this manner. Luffy never spoke to Zoro except to first tease him at lunch in a usual offhanded and Luffy-like manner, and then to apologize later for teasing him at lunch. Zoro had made to respond, but Luffy’s cheeks had turned pink and he’d run for the hills before the first mate got the chance to say a word.
That was the one thing that had kept Zoro from getting too frustrated. Luffy was being cute, sorting out his feelings in his own way, and Zoro could wait for that. It wasn’t easy because Zoro really wanted to be able to just reach out and hold him, but it wasn’t exactly hard either, because Luffy’s adorable behaviour only further convinced Zoro that he would come out and tell Zoro what he wanted eventually.
Probably.
Maybe.
…Actually, Luffy had self-disciplined himself to hold things back when he was his normal self, and even when he was in-Rumble it had taken a whole hell of a lot to first wrench Luffy’s jaws apart and get him talking about himself.
Then another thought struck Zoro: what if Luffy didn’t really like him like that? What if he was acting embarrassed because he really was embarrassed about everything that had happened? His hormones and whatever had been all out of whack, so what if his reactions before were the real misleading lie and his behaviour now was the truth of the relationship? Captain and first mate, but now with an uncomfortable little rift in the middle there that the leader of the crew wasn’t sure how to approach?
A yawn tore Zoro out of his thoughts. Worrying wouldn’t help anything. So he wouldn’t worry.
Why was it so quiet?
Zoro pushed himself up a bit. It wasn’t very quiet at all, in truth, but an essential voice was missing from the conversation that had made its way loudly to Aft a minute ago. Zoro immediately became worried.
It wasn’t that he was paranoid! He just… wanted to be sure that Luffy wasn’t getting into trouble and was okay and wasn’t sitting alone sulking about something someplace! Yeah! Because Luffy was in a volatile and vulnerable state right now!
Thus justifying himself, Zoro started to get up to find out where his captain had wandered off to. When he was half way to the steps, Luffy walked out of the galley with a fishing rod and a tackle box.
Luffy stopped in his tracks upon seeing that Zoro had moved, then continued coming down the steps and walked over to the railing, setting down his tackle box without a word and setting up his pole at the point that was closest to Zoro’s favorite napping place to fish from.
Seeing that Luffy was not planning on leaving this place despite the commotion that Usopp was now making on Aft deck with his Tabasco Stars, Zoro wondered what was making the boy stay. Trying to act casual, Zoro sidled back over to his place, a little closer to the railing than he usually slept, and laid down quietly to watch Luffy fish.
After only a couple minutes, sleep began to creep up on him, and being so unused to his new awake at all hours schedule, Zoro found it impossible to give in.
Well, as long as he’s okay… he told himself as he drifted off.
Sitting on the rail, Luffy finished counting to two hundred and looked over his shoulder to where his love was predictably out cold. He knew Zoro hadn’t slept on his own in days, and though he’d had the feeling he knew why, now he was sure. His heart fluttered.
Guess I’m not the only one, after all, he blushed.
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