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Innocent Rain	By : saxonjesus Category: +. to F > D. Gray Man Views: 3947 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
- 33
- 34
Christmas By Popular Demand

December 25, 2013--Allen's Ark

Bright, intense sunlight filtered in through the light blue curtains, casting a
dim, Alice blue glow onto the bed. The color mixed with the burnt orange of the
rug, making it look more brown than anything else, and it accented each long
fiber. As he blinked the sleep from his eyes, Yuu frowned at the rug. It was
ugly. He hated it. It needed to go. But he couldn't quite manage to drag
himself out of the bed. Lavi had one arm on their shared pillow. The other wrapped
tightly, almost possessively, around his chest, and its presence spread a
warmth through him, one that had been absent during the night. He felt empty,
drained of all emotion and thought, and all he could concentrate on was the
tingling sensation of Lavi's stomach pressed closely to his back. Their legs
tangled, and Yuu's hair spread wildly, no doubt nearly suffocating the rabbit
behind him.

It felt good, Yuu realized, leaning back just slightly so that he could
feel more of Lavi's skin against his. And Lavi hadn't left him. That was
very important. But he was sure of this fact. After all, the redhead wouldn't
be there, making that little mumbling noise he did when he was maybe an hour
from waking, if he had.

He didn't want to get up, he just wanted to lay there and let the world pass
by. It was fucking Christmas, so he could do whatever the fuck he wanted--

The door slammed open, emitting a rather festive-looking Infernal Girl. Tiny,
annoying little bells jingled in tandem with her movements. They were all over
her outfit--several littered her shirt, some were on her fake reindeer antlers,
others encircled her ankles, attached to her socks. Still more ran in criss-cross patterns over what looked suspiciously like arm
warmers, and larger ones made up a belt of some sort, worn above her red- and
green-striped ensemble. It was very nearly enough to raise him from his
stretched out position and use his sword to cut each bell from her outfit as he
sliced her in half, but Lavi's arm tightened around his chest as a whine spread
whirling patterns of breath on the back of his neck.

Amanda danced around the room, stomping the floor repeatedly, grunting with the
effort. It looked like some type of tribal dance, and when she ended her
tomfoolery with a gorilla-esque chest pounding and a
shout of "Merry Christmas, bitches," Yuu sent her his deepest glare.
She seemed to quail under it slightly and backed from the room, but before she
closed the door, she added, "you're going to mass, my dearest hoes, so up
and at 'em! I'll be back in twenty minutes. I'd
better not walk in on a quickie." The slam of the door pulled a startled,
waking grunt from Lavi's lips. The rabbit in question shifted before nuzzling
into the back of Yuu's neck and sighing.

Aishiteru. It wasn't that hard to think. I
love you. The chains held him strong, but the thoughts seemed to slip
through the gaps in the links. It was comforting, almost, in that he could
admit it to himself. It gave him hope that one day the barriers would fall
forever. Without meaning to, he ran his left hand down the length of Lavi's
possessive arm, intertwining their fingers and feeling his own heartbeat
beneath them. The redhead made a whispering noise and shifted again so that
they were melded together from neck to waist.

Abruptly, Lavi let out a honking noise, spasming as
something very wet and very unwelcome settled on the back of Yuu's neck. A
second later, Yuu followed suit, glaring at the rug-that-had-to-go. It deserved
to be spat upon. Or sneezed upon. Or whatever. Somewhere in the back of his
mind, he wondered who was talking about him.

"Tissue," Lavi moaned from behind him, speaking hesitantly. Sighing,
the Japanese Exorcist sat up and walked across the room to his dresser, on
which stood an orange tissue box. Tossing it to his lover--Yuu was still
astonished he could think that at all; something must have changed in him last
night, though his heart froze whenever he thought about it--he smirked in
satisfaction as it hit the man in the head. Yuu would never admit it, but he
found it almost endearing that Lavi had no depth perception. It was fun to
watch, but he also made the most... adorable, Yuu supposed was the word, faces
whenever he got frustrated. He would pace about, mutter angrily under his
breath, and finger at the elastic of his eye patch, which was a sweet
mannerism, if Yuu thought about it--which he wasn't. "Thanks," the
redhead muttered after blowing his nose and sniffing a bit.

Yuu shrugged, but he resisted the urge to scoff. He felt warm arms come around
him from behind, and for once, he didn't think of his father as he fell back
just slightly into the embrace. Lavi's hands locked around his bare, scarred
stomach--at some point in the night, the rabbit had divested him of his
shirt--running warm sparks up his spine. Lavi's head came to rest on his
shoulder, and Yuu unconsciously leaned his head sideways so that he wouldn't
have to hold it up. That was his excuse, anyway. But he knew he was letting his
head rest on Lavi's because it felt good and it reminded him that even though
he was going to die, life before his fate could be pleasant.

"I'm really sorry about last night," Lavi whispered into his hair,
and the Japanese man could feel the movements of the redhead's lips as they
brushed lightly against his neck. He shivered involuntarily. Lavi made to pull
away, but Yuu quickly grasped the rabbit's hands and forced him back into
position. "I was way out of line." His voice sounded raspy, almost,
as if he had spent the whole night expending it.

"Che. It's... fine." And it was. Really. He knew that the
previous day had been very painful and that his barely-active mind was keeping
the details from him, but he remembered parts of the fight, and he remembered
the pain he'd felt when he thought Lavi'd left. He
also knew that it was alright just so long as Lavi never did it again. And he
knew the man wouldn't.

"It's not," Lavi insisted, attempting to pull away again. The smaller
man held his lover fast.

"When it's you, it's... okay. I never think of him when I'm with
you." At his awkward admission, Lavi's arms tightened around his stomach.
They stood there for a while, simply enjoying the other's presence and the
warm, intoxicating feel of flesh against flesh. Little by little, the memories
of the previous evening returned to Yuu, leaving a familiar twinge in the pit
of his stomach. He felt as if he needed to say something... needed to apologize
as well. "I'm sorry too. I should have told you what yesterday was. I'm
sorry I... can't say... it."

The world spun as the idiot rabbit turned him around so that they were face to
face. Their stomachs pressed gently together as Lavi tilted his head down the
few centimeters' difference and brushed his lips against Yuu's. The older man
felt his shoulders relax, tension he hadn't known was there melting as Lavi
hooked his chin over Yuu's shoulder.

And that was when Amanda returned, slamming the door open and shouting
"don't kill my eyes!" as she waltzed in. Her attire had changed. She
was now wearing a solemn black dress, accentuated with intricately-patterned
lace. A large, ornate crucifix, complete with the dying Jesus, hung on a large,
heavy chain over her chest, and earrings made of onyx completed the ensemble.
Her make-up, on the other hand, made Yuu want to kill her. Her eyes were
blackened much as Bookman's had once been, and her lips matched the color.

"What is this shit?" Yuu growled.

"My Sunday best," Amanda replied nonchalantly.

"Who died?" Lavi asked sarcastically, snorting when the Infernal Girl
gave him an offended look.

"No one died! Jesus was born! We're goin' to
Church ta celebrate! And you guys are coming,
too!"

"But I'm atheist..." Lavi said, his arms still around Yuu's back.

"So am I!" The Infernal Girl exclaimed, "Now get dressed, we're leavin' in half an hour, and you guys need to eat!"

As she turned to leave again, Amanda stopped and glared at the two flustered
men. "You don't have a choice, I'm making you go. So there." And
promptly left.

"We're not going." Yuu grumbled.

"But Yuu, I"ve never been to a modern mass.
I heard they don't speak in Latin anymore," Lavi whined, using the
high-pitched voice he knew grated on Yuu's nerves and would thusly make him
give into any of the idiot's pleas just to escape.

"You mean I'll understand what they're preaching about now?" Yuu
asked, and only force of will kept him from clenching his teeth in annoyance.

"Yeah, isn't it great? Plus, I don't want to be on the wrong side of
Amanda's discus, soooo..." The stupid rabbit
stole a quick kiss and then very nearly bounced his way over to their
shared closet, producing his new formal Exorcist uniform a moment later.

---

December 25, 2013, 11:03 AM--Church in Italy

"We're here an hour early?" Darcy shouted. "Amanda, what the
hell? I wanted to sleep, but nooo, you wanted to go
to Church, for God knows what reason. What are we going to do for an hour, in a
church, in Italy? Why couldn't we go to the Pope's mass instead of some random
little church in the city?"

Those were the questions on everyone's minds as they sat in the pews of the
tiny church. But Lavi saw how the girl only giggled and waved her hand
dismissively at the Irishman.

"Because, Mr. Darcy, who would want to stand the whole time in a
crowded plaza, just to hear some fat old man read scripture? I want to sit
and hear some fat old man read scripture." Content with her response,
Amanda sat down in one of the pews way up at the front. "To get a better
view," she explained to no one in particular.

"C'mon, Yuu," Lavi muttered, pulling his lover by his hand. Yuu's face
was disgruntled, but he followed anyway, much to Lavi's pleasure.

Looking around the small church, the redhead noted just how beautiful such a
tiny, out-of-the-way church could be. The stained glass was pristine, preserved
from hundreds of years ago, and it let in just enough light to have that old,
slightly creepy-yet-holy feel to it. Lavi had been in many churches before, and
though this one wasn't as ornate--there were only a few stained glass windows,
and even fewer statues, tapestries and carvings--the architecture was
magnificent. If Lavi was to trust his Bookman training, he would date the
church back to somewhere between the twelfth and sixteenth centuries. The pews
were well worn from years of habitual use, and they showed it; the places where
congregants sat were worn almost white, a stark contrast from the dark wooden
finish, confirming Lavi's opinion as to the longevity of the establishment.
Lavi wasn't very interested in the pulpit--it looked much like that of every
other church--so he turned his attention to the far off corners, looking for
anything out of the ordinary or unique.

Seeing only a few out of place candles in one corner, Lavi looked to the walls
and found very old looking confessional boxes. Wanting to investigate further,
he pulled Yuu toward them, opened one up, and sat on the little bench. It felt
weird sitting there. After all the years since he had been forced to take
confession, it felt... wrong.

"I feel like I'm breaking some cosmic rule, sitting here," Lavi said,
shaking his head and smiling ironically. Yuu grunted, his inflection leading
upward in a way that Lavi knew meant "why." His smile turned less
bitter as he took in his lover's dark eyes. "I was a Bookman. I think I've
broken every rule of the Church, so..." He didn't know how to finish his
sentence, so he shrugged.

Suddenly it was very dark, the slats in the door only providing a very hazy
twilight, and they were very close together.

"Yuu, what are you--?" Lavi began to ask, only to be cut off by a
fierce kiss. "Oh, well, I wasn't expecting to ever break this rule,"
he finished, slightly breathless.

"Shut it, Baka," Yuu growled, taking hold of Lavi's hands as
he pushed him farther down the bench so that his back was against the wall. The
dark-haired man had his wrists pinned just as effectively, and Lavi hissed in a
large gasp as the man lowered his head to his neck.

"Ne, Yuu, I have an idea," Lavi mumbled as his lover nibbled
at his pulse point. "How 'bout I be the Priest and you be the Altar
Boy?"

The redhead wasn't quite sure he could blame Yuu for the blood that was now
running down his neck.

"No way in Hell," the man hissed, moving his mouth to Lavi's ear.

"Really? 'Cause that's where we're goin',
Yuu-chan," he replied, his voice breathless as he tried to stave off the
waves of pleasure originating around his ear. "But we're not there yet, so
how about you be a Choir Boy and sing sweet songs of love as I take you to the
precipice of pleasure, and maybe back, if you're lucky enough to last that--"

OK SMEX IS NOW.

The dark-haired man sealed their lips together, pressing into Lavi so
completely that the redhead heard the creak of the old wood at his back. His
grip on Lavi's wrists was strong, firm in a way that told him the older man
wasn't going to let go.

In one last attempt to gain control of the situation, Lavi pulled himself up
off the bench, but was immediately slammed against the feeble wood, feeling
something quite a bit harder against his leg. He moaned quietly, the sound
originating from the back of his throat and ending in a very broken-sounding
hiss as Yuu rubbed a knee against a very sensitive area.

His arms were wrenched higher and pulled together above his head, where Yuu
held them with one hand so that the other could move down to undo the buttons
of his formal Exorcist jacket. The dark-haired man nibbled at Lavi's ear as his
hand slid from the buttons to under his shirt.

Yuu had never been so forward with him before, and Lavi was reeling from the
strange aggressiveness, but he found that he kind of liked it. Managing to
wrench his wrists from the Japanese man's grasp long enough to remove his
cumbersome jacket, Lavi was rewarded with a hiss from his lover, and his hands
were gripped tighter when the Yuu grabbed them again.

Lavi heard the distinct sound of another jacket hitting the floor, but was
unable to see, as he was soon distracted by the bench being shoved off to the
side of the booth and being pressed completely between the wall and his lover.
A hand went to his belt while Yuu licked at his pulse point, applying barely
enough pressure to be noticed, but not enough to not be teasing, and Lavi
groaned loudly. A bite on his shoulder was warning enough to keep it down.

"Shhhhh, Yuu, we gotta
be quiet!" Lavi stage-whispered to his lover. There was a scoff, and
suddenly his mouth was a bit too preoccupied to comment.

Lavi's belt was undone, and a hand sat teasingly at his waistline, tickling
flesh but not going deeper. Lavi whined and pulled at Yuu's grip, but the
dark-haired man merely smiled against his lips and slowly, agonizingly slowly,
undid his button and fly.

Wondering just what his lover was planning, Lavi watched as Yuu sank to his
knees. His hands were released, and his pants and boxers were pulled down as
Yuu's now free hand roamed. Lavi's eye rolled back into his head as the
dark-haired man's mouth covered his already urgent need.

Lavi tangled his hands in Yuu's too soft hair, which thank the
whatever-being-resided-over-this-god-forsaken-planet Yuu had opted to leave
down. The long black strands tickled his thighs, as whatever Yuu was doing with
his tongue made him go weak in the knees.

Not wanting to be the only one enjoying himself, Lavi decided he would distract
Yuu, make it a little harder to concentrate, as it were. He dug his fingers
into Yuu's scalp, massaging the scarred flesh as hard as he dared. He knew
where all his lover's sensitive spots were and exploited them to the fullest
extent of his abilities.Which was quite full, if Lavi
said so himself. As he hit a particularly sensitive scar right behind Yuu's
left ear, the Japanese man moaned, which sent amazing vibrations up through
Lavi.

Obviously not content to let Lavi have any sense of self left, nor to let Lavi
force him to make those noises he always made when he was really into it, Yuu
moved his hand to the base of Lavi's erection and began moving at a steady
rhythm, driving the redhead crazy. He may have screamed, but he wasn't sure.
But at that point, with Yuu taking him as deep as the man's gag reflex would
allow, and sucking at a pace that made Lavi wonder how the man managed to keep
it up, all coherent thought was far gone. So was language, for once. All six
thousand, eight-hundred and nine of them, and that included all ancient
languages and tribal dialects. All he could do was groan and hiss and pant as
Yuu once more took him as deep as physically possible, reaching up and rubbing
fingers along the shell of his left ear.

It was too much. The small confessional seemed to close in around him, until
all he could see was the dim darkness. He forgot to breathe as his orgasm
crashed over him like a tidal wave. He was left weak-kneed and collapsed onto
Yuu's shoulders, his arms giving out from their positions there.

He was once again pressed against the weak wooden walls, all his weight being
supported by his lover. He pulled the dark-haired man into a rough, breathless,
appreciative kiss and hummed at the enthusiastic response he received.

When he finally recovered enough to stand on his own, he pulled Yuu as close as
he could, fumbling with the Japanese man's belt and zipper, hastily pushing the
tight leather down past Yuu's knees, as he hurriedly stepped out of his own
pants and boots, thankful for the now appropriately-fitting uniform.

Pulling the dark-haired man ever closer, wanting as much contact as he could
get, Lavi ran his fingers across the Yuu's scalp, reveling in the hitches in
breath that his actions caused. Yuu's hands roamed up and down his back, giving
the redhead goosebumps from anticipation, wanting his lover to go the next
step.

"Come on, Lover, you ready or you gonna keep me waitin'?" He whispered, still slightly breathless,
into Yuu's ear. He felt the man shudder against him, but he was rewarded with a
soft sigh.

"Did you bring anything?" At that, Lavi rolled his eye. Of course he
had. After all, he had to be prepared to jump his lover at any given moment (in
any given alleyway).

"Back pocket, Lover."

Yuu scowled at him but lowered himself once more. Lavi couldn't help but
snicker silently under his breath and bring his hands back to the Japanese
man's hair, massaging as the man searched his pockets, producing a half-empty
tube. Lavi shivered, waiting for Yuu to do something, but the man just stood
there, an almost blank expression on his face as he stared at the lube.

"Stop calling me that," the dark-haired man grunted, not looking at
Lavi.

The redhead slid down the wall so that he was at the same height as the other
man. Gently, he reached out a hand and placed it under Yuu's chin, guiding the
man's face so that they were locking eyes. The dark-haired man dropped his gaze
again, so Lavi lifted his chin until the other man had no choice.

"It makes you uncomfortable," he stated softly, trying to slow his
breathing so that he didn't sound like a horny fool. Now was not the time. Yuu
loved him, of that he was sure, but he was still uncomfortable with terms of
endearment--or with terms that defined their relationship. He wasn't ready. And
Lavi was okay with that, because this was his Yuu-chan, and he would never push
him, not more than he was capable of being pushed. Calling him his lover aloud
was so far past that boundary that Lavi wasn't sure he knew how to bring him
back to his safety zone.

Yuu nodded, their eyes meeting once more for a brief second.

"What do you want me to call you, then?"

"My name," the other man responded quietly. He didn't look away,
though, and Lavi was startled by the shining depths in the older man's eyes.
Deep, charcoal-brown eyes glittered with something Lavi had never seen before,
not in anyone except a man so deeply in love that he often did stupid things
for his partner. It was a gaze of complete trust and understanding, something
Lavi, with all his book-smarts and capacity for memory, could barely
comprehend.

"Yuu," Lavi breathed, leaning in so that he could touch his lips
tenderly to his lover's.

His head smarted as he was pushed back into the wall, Yuu's hands on his
shoulders, pinning him there. The Japanese man's tongue ghosted in through
parted lips, and Lavi gave out an unintentional moan as a slick, cold hand
snaked down between his legs. He felt a cold, gentle prodding sensation, and
Yuu released his mouth in preference for his throat. Butterfly kisses, soft,
brushing kisses, rained down the column of his neck in an un-Yuu-chan-like way.
Yuu-chan was strength, passion, heat. But he was also love, he was also the
sun. And Lavi had never felt warmer.

He was slowly pulled to his shaking feet, mind far away from what was actually
happening. Yuu was doing incredible things with his fingers, all the while
kissing him even more senseless. The redhead shifted in an attempt to give the
Japanese man more room but found that the tight confessional did not allow for
much movement. They weren't built for this kind of activity, after all.

Choking down an embarrassingly needy noise as Yuu's fingers found his prostate,
he was suddenly struck with an idea of how to make this easier for the both of
them.

Pulling his hands from his lover's scalp, he brought Yuu's face close to his,
making sure he had the man's full attention. "Yuu, you trust me,
right?"

The dark-haired man nodded, his face showing he was unsure of just what Lavi
meant. Lavi himself was surprised he hadn't thought of it earlier.

"Well, then, Yuu, make me a sandwich."

Yuu stopped moving his fingers and pulled back, giving him a strange expression
that was halfway between confusion and lust. "...The fuck, rabbit?"
The Japanese man asked eloquently, his voice rough and his breathing rapid.

Lavi wondered if he was perhaps pushing the man too far with his request. It
was something neither of them had talked about, it was something so far beyond
Yuu's level of comfort that it was almost taboo. He didn't want to push him,
but yet he did. He was curious to see how far he could go without alienating
Yuu forever, but that thought scared him like nothing in this world could, not
even death.

Yuu's silence was unsettling, but then Lavi realized that the man was more
confused than anything. Had he really not understood Lavi's innuendo? Obviously
not.

"I want you to make me the fillin' in a
Yuu-and-wall sandwich," he reiterated. It was very comforting that he got
a scoff in response, but then Yuu spoke.

"I already am, Baka Usagi," the man said. Lavi wanted to slap
his head on something, but he knew Yuu was being dense as a way to protect
himself. It was his mind's natural defense against things he didn't know or
understand--he pushed all potentially harmful thoughts away. It wasn't a
surprising reaction, though, not after all he'd been through. Taking a deep,
fortifying breath, Lavi leaned forward and closed the few inches between them
in a loose hug.

"We need space, Yuu-chan," he whispered into his lover's ear.
"There's a way we can get it."

As predicted, the dark-haired man froze, though he didn't try to pull back. It
was, perhaps, an awkward position, with Lavi's arms around his neck, their
cheeks pressed together, and Yuu's fingers still motionless inside him.

"I trust ya. You are nothing like your father--you never have been, and
you never will be--so I trust ya not to hurt me. If you don't wanna do it that
way, that's fine, I ain't gonna
push ya, but it'll give us more space. You aren't forcin'
me, so it's different, 'kay?" He pressed his lips to Yuu's, and though his
lover didn't move, he knew the man was thinking it over.

When the fingers began to move again, Lavi knew the older man had come to a
decision. He whined, remembering just why he let Yuu top him most of the time.
Then the fingers disappeared--Lavi groaned and bucked his hips forward--and
gentle hands spun him almost delicately around, as if he would break with the
slightest mistreatment. Those same hands ran down his back, almost worshipping
it. And then Yuu pressed up against him, his strong, muscled chest feeling like
fire against Lavi's back.

The sensation went straight to his stomach, making it jump in that
uncomfortable way, but at the same time, it was that giddy feeling that the
redhead had come to associate with Yuu. It was strange, trusting someone so
implicitly that it seemed natural to have him at his back. He had not realized
just how much trust there was, but it was there, he felt it just as surely as
he felt his lover's breath on the back of his neck and the gentle hands at his
sides, telling him to relax at the expected intrusion.

Their movements were slow, but not agonizingly so, slow for the sake of quiet,
because the boards of the booth beneath them creaked when things moved too
fast. Neither one was complaining though, especially when one of Yuu's hands
decided to slide forward from his hip and encircle his erection.

Lavi was now leaning with his face against the confessional wall, using the
ancient wood for support. His legs were shaking from the sheer amount of
emotion that was going through his body. It was like a sensory overload, the
emotions from the previous night playing a huge role. It was the leftover fear
of losing Yuu, the leftover guilt, the leftover joy when Yuu confirmed his
feelings, plus he was still riding his high from his first orgasm.

When Yuu changed pace a moment later, Lavi had to quickly stuff a fist in his
mouth to stop the loud moan that had been about to rip itself from his throat
from escaping. As it was, a tiny, squeaking gasp escaped his attempt. A minute
or two later, though, Lavi wondered why it had mattered in the first place, not
that he cared anymore. It was all becoming a bit too much for him, feeling as
if his legs were going to give out any moment. Yuu's other hand left his hip
and trailed its way upward to Lavi's ear, were it played with the gold hoop.
And Lavi lost it, letting out a low moan against the wooden wall. It may have
been a bit too loud, but at that moment, with Yuu shuddering against him, the
redhead just didn't give a damn. He turned his head to pull his lover into a
kiss, one the man returned with a quiet intensity before it fell apart, their
breathing too ragged to stop for long.

SAFE!!!

The redhead's back felt bare and cold as Yuu backed away and righted the bench,
but then arms came around his middle and settled him between the dark-haired
man's legs, pulling him into the man's back. They sat there and breathed,
eventually in unison, until the sounds from the world--ignored during their
romp, if it could be called that--began to trickle in.

"'...and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the
inn,'" came the tinny wheezing of the Priest's voice, floating in through
the slats of the confessional booth's door. A few more words were said, ones
that Lavi didn't feel like registering, because Yuu had his head burrowed in
the back of his neck, and then a chord rang out through the church.
Simultaneously, a loud, crashing noise vibrated the room, along with what
sounded suspiciously like a female gasp.

"Darcy, please, pierce me with your Jesus stick!" Amanda cried out.

"Let me get me condom on, wait a minute," Darcy gasped. There was a
rustling that was drowned out as the congregation joined in whatever stupid
song they were singing, and the redhead was sure he heard Yuu scoff at the
activities going on next door.

"Harder!" Amanda moaned, a bang against the wall that connected the
two booths together announcing more than Lavi had ever wanted to know about his
best friend's sex life. "Take me like Yuu-pyon
just took Lavi!"

Yuu tensed up, pushing Lavi away as he made to stand up. The redhead fell to
the ground, and when he looked up, he saw a furious scowl marring his Yuu's
normally... less scowling features. Hastily, Lavi tugged at the pants still
pooled at the Japanese man's ankles.

"Yuu-chan," he mumbled, and he was relieved when the man looked down
at him, his face beyond murderous. The expression melted as he noted his lack
of clothing, and he pulled his pants up.

"Not like that, not in the ass!"

Lavi felt his cheeks flush, and he knew that if he looked in the mirror, he'd
be redder than his hair.

"Just kiddin', love," Darcy grunted, his
voice permeating the thin wooden walls.

Lavi found this whole situation entirely too awkward. One, because they were
stuck in this confessional until the mass was over, two, because they had
thought they had been alone in said confessional, and three, because Amanda was
starting to egg Darcy on. He felt like his face was on fire. The American girl
made Yuu sound like a nun. He had never known her language to be so... colorful.
He wasn't even sure what she was suggesting was even physically possible.

Listening out past Amanda's moans and Darcy's pants, Lavi heard the organ blast
for the final song of mass. Feeling this was as good a time as any to pull up
his own pants, he looked over at his lover, who was blushing almost as much as
Lavi felt he was. He was almost too late to stop Mugen from being driven
through the flimsy wood wall and into the attached room.

"Yuu-chan, you can't kill them!" Lavi whispered so that the two
copulating Exorcists could not hear. "Someone could hear the screams and
find us!"

The Japanese man seemed to consider that for a moment, but at that exact
second, the organ cut off, and Amanda belted out a cry.

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! God, Darcy!" Fastening his belt and
throwing Yuu his jacket, the redhead felt something drip from his nose.

Even in the dim light, the distinct red tinge made Lavi do a double-take.
Seriously? He had been blushing enough to pop a blood vessel? Next to him, Yuu
snorted.

"...Hentai."

"No, Yuu, I--I--I'm Irish!" Lavi said, blushing harder and increasing
the flow of his nosebleed. He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender and
innocence.

"I don't see how that correlates." Yuu's expression was iron solid,
unyielding.

"We blush a lot!"

"Is someone in there?" An old, gravelly voice asked, thankfully to
the other side of the box. Both Lavi and Yuu froze. Amanda and Darcy had as
well, judging from the distinct lack of sound now emanating from the
confessional. The door handle began to jiggle, but before the elderly priest
could open it, a bright light emerged from the wall, a portal to Allen's Ark
waiting for both couples. Without further thought, they were in and the door
was closed.

"You guys are lucky that Lenalee likes you, I was just going to leave you
all so the old man could make you clean up your messes. But no, you owe
me."

Lavi had never been happier to hear Allen's voice. Even though he was still
bleeding profusely, he ran up to the boy and encircled him in his arms.
"Thank you, Allen, bless your little, mangled soul!"

The white-haired boy pushed him back, his face crinkling up in distaste.
"You reek, Lavi, take a shower! And stop bleeding on me!" Lavi heard
a small, buttery chuckle behind him and repressed the urge to smile. He hadn't
been there, but he was assuming that Yuu was thinking of the time at the United
Nations when Allen had bled all over his lover's lap. Pulling the little Sprout
into a tighter hug, he placed a kiss right on Allen's forehead, smack in the
middle of his heavenly crown of stigmata.

"I love you, Squirt," Lavi cackled, releasing the boy and reaching
back to take Yuu's hand so that they could go shower... and perhaps go for
another round.

---

Allen was complaining all the way back to their room.

"I can't believe the fucker bled on me! I went to all the trouble of
saving his ass from that creepy old priest and then he bleeds on me. What kind
of friend is that? Oh, and he kissed me. Did you see that? He kissed me,
Lenalee, it was disgusting!"

Lenalee rolled her eyes. "Calm down, Allen. It isn't that big of a
deal."

"But--but Lenalee!" Allen continued, but the Chinese girl wasn't
having any of that.

"Allen, shut up. Here. I have your Christmas
present," she said, reaching into her pocket and producing a small
package.

He calmed immediately, and the dark-haired girl couldn't help but giggle at the
boy's expectant gaze. In some ways, Allen was still a kid, his eyes shining at
the prospect of something new, wrapped in shiny paper with colorful patterns.
Like lightning, he shot out his left hand and retrieved the parcel, ripping off
the paper with enthusiasm. He looked somewhat disappointed when the box was
revealed. Lenalee giggled. What had he been expecting, a Rubik's Cube?

"The present's in the box, Allen," Lenalee said, failing to suppress
a smile. She even let out a little giggle, but she hoped the boy next to her
hadn't noticed.

Allen scowled. "I know that," he said a bit harshly, pulling the box
apart with a flourish. To Lenalee's delight, his face lit with glee as he saw
what was inside.

A solitary white poker chip was suspended on the square of white fluff that had
come with the box. Beneath it was a note, which read: after this is over,
let's go to Vegas. It was simple, really, but heartfelt. She wanted to
travel with Allen--if she was honest with herself, she really just wanted to be
with him. She knew he honestly liked to gamble, so after much discussion with
Road and Amanda, they had come up with this. The gentle, all-encompassing hug
that Allen pulled her into was worth every brainstorming headache she'd had.
His hands were on her back, seeming to pull her farther in, even though she was
so pressed into Allen that her breasts were being squashed in a way that made
it difficult to breathe. But his breath was in her ear, forcing shivers down
her spine each time the air tickled the wisps of hair surrounding the orifice.

"Thank you," he said quietly, and Lenalee knew that even though they
were alone, no one else could have heard it. It made her feel special, like she
had a part of Allen that no one else had. It was selfish to think, but she
loved the boy, and love was possibly the most selfish of all emotions.

Pulling away, Lenalee smiled again.

"Now here's your birthday present."

He looked completely taken aback. She knew that this time of year was hard for
him, remembering Mana, remembering the fact that he
didn't know if the twenty-fifth was his actual birthday. She didn't want him to
be depressed, she wanted to take his mind off of the bad things, just like he
did for her. He made it so she didn't have to think about this being her first
Christmas to be truly without Komui. Having Allen here kept her thoughts in
much happier places.

"You got me something else?" Allen asked, his voice still full of
shock.

She nodded quickly and then leaned in, kissing him softly on the lips.

"Happy Birthday, Allen," she whispered in his ear before hugging him
just as closely as he had hugged her.

They sat like that for a moment, just enjoying the contact, enjoying the fact
that they had someone to care about on Christmas, enjoying that they didn't
have to think about sad things for at least a few minutes.

"I got something for you, too, Lenalee," Allen's voice breathed in
her ear.

Ending their hug, Lenalee looked at the small, nicely wrapped box that the
white-haired boy had produced from his jacket pocket. She took it gently and
unwrapped the silver and gold paper.

"Oh, Allen, you shouldn't have!" She exclaimed, taking the beautiful
necklace from the box. It was an amethyst heart, with a delicate lacing of gold
around it, creating an intricate cage from which it hung on a light golden
chain. It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry she had ever seen. Turning it
to the back, she saw that a square piece of gold was stabilizing the pendant.
On it was inscribed a simple message in neat clear script. For the other
half of my Heart.

She started to cry. It was too much, she loved it more than anything she had
ever received. She felt him fumble with her hands, trying to take the necklace,
she felt him lean forward and put it around her neck, she felt him kiss her
forehead lightly, and she felt him hug her.

"I love it, thank you," she sobbed, and he squeezed her tightly, as
if trying to push her tears away. She wanted to kiss him again, prove to him
that she really loved him and maybe have him finally admit it. But Allen pulled
back and smiled that heart-melting smile at her, the one that made all the
troubles, all the sadness and fear, simply evaporate. Their eyes met, and
Lenalee was content to let their embrace end there, even though her lips itched
and tingled for a contact they could not have.

Allen slid his hand into hers, still sporting that most magnificent smile. The
Chinese girl couldn't help but smile back as her chest swelled. They were
together, and though the white-haired boy would take it no further, Lenalee was
content in the knowledge that there would be no other for either of them. When
the time came, they would love, but that time was not now.

They walked out to the Main Plaza, where most people were setting up tables in
great rows across the entire courtyard. Yuu-kun and Lavi were suspiciously
absent, but Lenalee couldn't really blame them. After the fight they'd had the
previous night, they probably wanted to be alone, skipped mass notwithstanding.
Amanda and Darcy, on the other hand, were both cheerfully helping set up the
tables and other decorations, laughing and flirting loudly as they gamboled
about, doing more damage than actual good.

When the entire Coalition Army (a tentative title for themselves that they'd
decided on) minus Kanda and Lavi--Lenalee would take food to them later--sat
down for the late afternoon feast, Lenalee couldn't help but feel a joy that
had long since been absent wash through her system. She hadn't felt it since
she'd been taken from her brother. The only thing that had come close was the
first Christmas at the new Headquarters. Lavi had run through the corridors,
knocking aside Finders in his haste to be "fun and frivolous." He had
been sporting Yuu-kun's long Exorcist jacket, and moments later, the Japanese
man had come flying down the hallways after the redhead, Mugen unsheathed and
shining in the artificial lights the Order had developed years before. Allen
had played poker with most members of the staff, including a game that he
nearly lost until he had proved the other player to be cheating. Not that he
hadn't been, but seeing as no one (save for Lavi and Bookman, who didn't care)
could catch him at it, Allen always got away with it. He still did. Komui had
even "graced" the Order with his latest Komurin
robot, which Krory and Timothy had spent a good
portion of the day trying to destroy. Then they'd been forced into the
obligatory mass, after which they had eaten the largest turkey dinner Lenalee
could remember. It surpassed even the one the Coalition Army had prepared. It
was because Jerry had made it.

She would never say it, Lenalee thought as she loaded her plate with various
foods and watched, awestruck, as Allen did the same on a much grander scale,
but she really missed Jerry's food. The way the Indian man had cooked had
nothing on the current chefs, five-star though they might be. She tried not to
play with the necklace hanging around her neck, preoccupying herself with
spearing a piece of turkey on her fork and bringing it to her mouth. The bench
scraped and shuddered, and Amanda took a seat next to her, her face flushed
with exhilaration from the festivities of the day.

"Hey, dear," the American girl said, giving her a brief, one-armed
hug before grabbing a plate and slopping whatever food in her reach onto it.
Darcy, who sat across from her, took it a step further and dumped gravy on his
entire meal, along with salt and pepper. Then he ate it. Lenalee tried to
ignore the roiling feeling in her stomach, but it was hard when the ex-Order's
three most disgusting eaters were next to her.

"Nice jewel there," a sly voice mumbled in her ear, the tone carrying
heavy implication and lewd suggestion. Lenalee shifted her eyes and saw Amanda
far too close to her head. She smiled at the younger girl, probably a bit too
widely not to arouse suspicion, but Amanda seemed to ignore it. She did give
Lenalee a significant look, though, one that stated they would definitely be
talking later.

After the meal, most people got up from their seats to go chatter with friends,
and the Exorcists ended up in a large group, joined by a few soldiers who had
become close or, in Emiko's case, were family. There was a large amount of
Christmas spirit to be seen and heard, but there was an even greater abundance
of Christmas spirits to go around. Lolek had gotten out his special
peppermint schnapps, imported directly from his mother, and he was passing the
bottles around their tiny little circle of Exorcists.

"So..." he began, letting out a big grin as he placed a bottle on its
side in the middle of the group, "who cares for a game of spin the
bottle?" Lenalee forced the blush from her cheeks. It would give her a
chance to have at Allen with absolutely no strings attached, and perhaps the
boy would finally start paying her some attention--

"Can we add a twist?" Miranda asked shyly, raising a timid hand.
Lolek looked over at her, his expression softening in that puppy-dog way that
showed he cared very much for the German woman.

"What do you have in mind?" The blond man asked lightly, his eyes
crinkling as a smile formed on his face. He looked like such a sap, not that
Lenalee could complain. She'd seen Allen looking at her like that a couple of
times, and she couldn't help but hope that she wasn't misreading the signs.
After all, the boy was so dense...

"Well, if we don't want to kiss the other person, perhaps we could down
the bottle?" Miranda suggested, a sly grin on her face. Lenalee had missed
that expression. It had been lost after Marie's death. She was glad it was
back, that Lolek could make her feel confident enough to leave her shell once
more.

On the other hand, Lenalee wasn't quite sure she liked the look on the Polish
man's face when the suggestion was made. It reminded her a lot of Allen's when
he was playing poker.

"So, who's in?" Lolek asked, taking a seat next to Miranda and
opening his own schnapps. He downed the bottle before the rest of the group
sighed in resignation and made themselves more comfortable. It was a surprise
to no one that Lolek took the first spin. Lenalee found the strange, bubbling
pattern in the bottle slightly hypnotizing, even as she realized that it had
stopped in front of her. The Polish man looked vaguely terrified but leaned
forward and pressed his lips to hers. She heard Allen harrumph next to her and
smiled. Perhaps this game would be very progressive, in terms of their
relationship.

The next few rounds continued without much incident, with Allen being the first
to down the bottle so that he could escape kissing Cyrah. Though the younger
Exorcists had been excluded, the Generals had migrated over early in the game
and had joined up. Tamas had been taking the most hits, with three kisses, one
of which was from Hok'ee, which had been awkward. Amanda had smilingly ran back
to her room and returned with a big tub of mouthwash.

Around an hour after the game had begun, perhaps the most unfortunate--in Lenalee's
mind, anyway--thing happened. Yuu-kun and Lavi showed up to scavenge some
dinner for themselves. As they had been loading their plates, Amanda had slunk
over to them and led them over to their circle, neglecting to inform them of
what the game said circle was playing actually entailed.

"So, what are we playing?" Lavi asked upon seeing the bottle in the
middle and several brightly flushing Exorcists.

Amanda leaned over. "We're playing spin the bottle. You spin the bottle,
and whoever it points to when it stops you have to kiss, or you have to down an
entire bottle of peppermint schnapps! It's sooo much
fun, you guys wanna play?"

Lenalee noted the horrifed look on Yuu-kun's face and
the indecisive expression on Lavi's.

"I'm not playing this ridiculous game," Yuu-kun growled, making to
stand and walk away.

"But Kanda, I already spun for you!" Chu-chan called from across the
circle.

Lenalee watched, horrified, as the bottle began to slow, sloshing liquid
inside, and landed, facing Allen. The entire circle froze.

"No, no way in HELL am I letting Kanda kiss me!" The white-haired boy
exclaimed, jumping up.

"Aww c'mon, guys, where's your sense of duty!
Kanda, you can't back out now, either kiss 'im or
drink the bottle," Amanda ordered.

Lenalee knew Yuu-kun didn't drink. It was the one constant about the
dark-haired man, he never drank. Whether he shied away from the alcohol due to
his past or not didn't matter, because if there was one steady fact about
Yuu-kun, it was his severe dislike of any type of alcohol. But he also didn't
do contact, and he hated Allen. This was quite a predicament, because neither
one would back down, either. As Amanda had pointed out, they both had a sense
of duty and honor that, once pulled into something, they would never back out.
She could see the anger and conflict on Yuu-kun's face as he came to the
decision she knew he inevitably would--his hatred of spirits would
automatically trump his hatred of Allen--and she also saw the sheer
determination on Allen's. It was normally something she admired, but she
couldn't help but feel a pang of something akin to fear as well as jealousy.
It was strange, she supposed, to be jealous of Yuu-kun, but under the
circumstances, it wasn't surprising.

Yuu-kun's face was a hardened mask as he walked over to the white-haired boy at
Lenalee's side and awkwardly tilted his head up, scowling as he had to raise
himself on his toes to reach Allen's height. And even then, the white-haired
boy had to lean down a bit. Though Yuu-kun was a respectable height, he had
finished growing, something Allen had not. Their lips met briefly, and they
sprang apart as quick as humanly possible, making the kiss somewhat more like a
hen peck, rather than what had been going on before--anything from full-out make
out sessions between lovers to a fair amount of tongue between friends. Still,
Lenalee felt a shock going through her body, a hint of that long-unfamiliar
snaking tendril of desire. She repressed it, knowing now was not the
time nor the place, and shook her head, squeezing her eyes firmly closed.

By the time she reopened them, Yuu-kun and Lavi were walking off with their
plates, and the redhead was complaining with mock-furiosity
to his lover.

"I swear I saw tongue!" The man exclaimed, scowling in a convincing
manner at Yuu-kun.

"If you don't want to die, I suggest you shut your mouth, rabbit!"
Yuu-kun growled loudly, his free hand twitching toward Mugen, which, concerningly, had activated at his hip.

"What would you do? Stick Mugen through me and cook me over a fire?"
Lavi asked, probably rhetorically.

"Among other things," Yuu-kun retorted.

"Ne, ne, Yuu, roast me on your spit!"

They had to make a trip back to the table, because the Japanese man's plate had
ended up in Lavi's face. Lenalee turned away as they walked back, hiding a
blush.

"Lenalee, your turn. Spin, spin!" Road exclaimed, grinning widely.

Sighing, Lenalee did, crossing her fingers in hopes that the bottle would land
in front of Allen. And, of course, it didn't.

After being pulled into a sweeping kiss by Michel, the Chinese girl sat back
down next to her favorite person, who was still growling and glaring at the
one-handed Canadian. Angrily, he spun his turn, and Lenalee's heart skipped as
it pointed to her. She felt herself blushing as Allen leaned in and their lips
met in one of the longest kisses they had ever shared. It was soft and sweet,
and carried just a slight overtone of some heated emotion she had never felt
before in Allen. It was nice. It gave her hope that the white-haired boy wasn't
completely ignorant of her.

There were a few coughing noises in the background somewhere, but Lenalee
couldn't help but ignore them. Allen was hers for this all-too-brief moment,
and she was going to enjoy it.

When their kiss finally broke, they were both blushing. Looking around, Lenalee
noticed all the knowing looks they were receiving. She had heard all the rumors
about them, and deep down she really wished they were true, she wished that
Allen would just tell her how he felt, so that she wouldn't have to keep
walking on ice with him. She didn't want to alienate him, she wanted to be with
him all the time, just like they were now, she didn't want him to suddenly
decide that he would hurt her more by being around her than by not. It hurt her
to be away from him, to not tell him how she felt, because who knew how long
they had? She just hoped the boy would tell her before it was too late; she
didn't think she could bear losing him without him ever knowing for sure.

There was a small amount of nervous laughter from the others around them as
they tried to get through the awkward moment. Something about the atmosphere
conveyed Lenalee's emotions. Maybe it was the way she was looking at Allen
now--she couldn't help but just stare deeply into his lively silver eyes--or
maybe it was the way he was looking back at her, the way he was opening his
mouth as if to say something very important. Lenalee held her breath, barely
daring to hope.

"Lenalee, I..." Allen whispered, looking only at her, and the Chinese
girl decided she could ignore the onlookers for just a little bit longer.
"I..." Allen was blushing, a good sign. "...I--"

Someone cleared their throat loudly, and suddenly, music blasted through the
air. She didn't mean to, but she looked over, and what she saw almost--almost--made
her want to gouge her eyes out. Darcy's shirt was definitely off, and it was
definitely being lassoed about above his head as he whooped and drank deeply
from the bottle of schnapps in his other hand. Amanda clapped and cheered,
egging him on. All the other Exorcists joined in. Lenalee was too shocked to
turn back to Allen, and she knew the moment had been ruined and that she'd
never hear what Allen had to say.

"This is for all you sexy ladies!" Darcy roared, and the music grew
louder. He raised his arms up above his head and stepped into the middle of the
circle. Lenalee watched, somewhere between horror-struck and transfixed, as the
man began to writhe, sinking to the ground, shaking his bottom the whole way
down and laying on his back.

Sitting up and then going down on all fours, he started to... crawl toward
Allen, giving him for all the world a predatory smile. Pulling himself into the
mortified boy's lap, Darcy straddled him. Lenalee was horrified as the Irishman
leaned in and licked Allen's neck from shoulder blade to earlobe. He
then did a rather acrobatic leap off, doing a back flip and landing once again
in the center of the circle. As the music heated up, so did Darcy's dance. He
was soon kicking out of his boots, which were thrown unceremoniously over Tamas's head, hitting an unsuspecting Finder in the back of
the neck. Lenalee felt bad for the man, but her attention was soon drawn away
again as the ginger man slid out of his black leather Exorcist pants and was only
in his pink, red heart-patterned boxers. They clashed mightily with his hair.
He strutted over to Amanda, hips swinging almost like a woman's, and he turned
around and fell into her lap, much to the America girl's glee.

"Darcy, you big hunk of Irish meat!" Amanda shouted over the music,
just so everyone could hear.

"Don't you mean potato?" The semi-nude Irishman questioned, slightly
out of breath from his previous acrobatics.

"Well, fry me up and call me a chip," Amanda answered... sultrily was
the only word to describe her tone of voice.

"Oh, I'll do more than that, babe," the man responded, winking
suggestively at his girlfriend.

Lenalee really wished she hadn't heard that, because soon the two were gone,
and Lenalee had no illusions as to what they would be doing, even though she
had to pretend she didn't.

"Where are they going, Allen?" She asked sweetly, and of course, the
young British boy blushed, stuttering out some half-formed excuse, which only
the incredibly dull would buy. But she smiled anyway and nodded; she had to
keep Allen convinced of her innocence, even if it was only out of force of
habit.

The party started to fizzle out around nine o'clock in the evening. With all
the alcohol and food gone, there was no more reason to be out, and people began
to filter back into their quarters. Lenalee and Allen, along with a few others,
cleaned up the remains of their feast and settled down to an evening of
watching old Christmas shows on the televsion that
someone had brought. Well, they were old to the people who had grown up
watching them, but to Lenalee, Allen, and Miranda, everything was brand new and
incredibly entertaining. Lenalee especially liked the one about the boy who
wanted a bb gun for Christmas. There was also one with a mean old green man who
stole Christmas from a small village in a snowy mountain range. Allen like the
adaptation of Charles Dickens's story, "A Christmas Carol," although
Lenalee thought the ghosts were kind of creepy. They reminded her a bit of
Akuma, only less realistic.

Krista and the small British boy, Elliot, watched a movie about a reindeer with
a bright, glowing nose, who was hated by everyone until it was discovered that
he was needed. There was also a movie about a magical snowman, who, when
someone put a magical hat on his head, began to dance around. It sounded like
it was inspired by Innocence.

After the movies, Vikram and Emiko started singing Christmas carols, and though
both were horribly out of tune, the melodies were catchy. People started
joining in until Maya put the kabash on it because
they were too noisy and she wanted her beauty rest. They couldn't complain; it
was three o'clock in the morning, after all.

Yawning tiredly, the remaining partiers returned to their rooms, satisfied and
joyful. There was not a sour face in sight--well, Allen was still kind of upset
with Elliot. The boy had tried to set his hair on fire, and had succeeded only
in singeing the ends, but as Allen said, it was the principal of the thing.
Lenalee supposed that she, too, would have been upset to suddenly smell burning
hair and see a skinny, dark-haired pre-teen holding a lighter to the back of
her head.

"You didn't lose much, Allen. It looks fine. You could go for a hair cut, though, it is getting a bit long, and you don't
want your hair to get in the way of fighting any Akuma, do you?"

The boy looked at her in what was obviously fake offense. "What Akuma?
There hasn't been an Akuma sighting in months," the boy responded
dejectedly.

"Don't change the subject, Allen!" She exclaimed, not wanting the
happiness of the day to be overshadowed. "Let's think of happy things,
just for today! This is the happiest Christmas I've ever had!"

And that was true; she couldn't recall ever completely forgetting about the
war, the death, the overwhelming sadness, even during the brighter moments.
Today was the first time she had forgotten that her brother was no longer there
to share in her happiness.

"Even without Komui. This has been the happiest day, and I don't want to
go back to being sad, at least not for now, so please, just... let's not think
about it."

Allen gave her a soft smile, the one he always showed when he was telling her
he agreed and that she was right. It was his way of apologizing to her without
having to say anything at all. Smiling, the dark-haired girl pulled him into a
strong hug, willing away all the bad thoughts that had seemed to worm their
squirmy little ways through the thick layer of warmth and cheer.

As they lay down for sleep, with Allen's arms wrapped tightly around her,
Lenalee knew she could never want anything more than to have this moment last
forever, hoping that after the Earl was gone, it would still continue. Smiling
contentedly, she pretended to drift off, whispering the words she longed to
hear from Allen, hoping that he would say them back one day when he didn't
think that she was asleep and couldn't hear.

---

They took a shower. And then they took a nap. After returning to the Ark, both
were too exhausted from yesterday's emotions and today's activities to do
anything more than bathe and sleep. There had been a small spark in Lavi's eye,
but it had faded under the methodical pounding of the water on their backs.
They weren't stupid, they didn't share a shower head--not unless they were
going to do something else, which Yuu would never let happen, because showers
were for getting clean, not dirtying oneself further--but they were in
stalls next to one another. By the time they had clasped hands and made to
return to the room, Lavi's only visible eyelid was drooping, and the man walked
in stumbling shuffles, leaning heavily on Yuu's shoulder.

When they woke up a few hours later to the riotous noise outside--and the
riotous noise inside, since Lavi's stomach was rumbling something awful--there
had been an unspoken agreement to get food. Unfortunately, the redhead had
gained some semblance of self, which forced Yuu to empty his plate on the man's
face. Fucking kissing games, fucking Generals, fucking Moyashis,
fucking lewd suggestions, fucking Lavi. After grabbing another plate, he
stormed back to the room, intent on reaching the mouthwash. Lavi looked at him
with a bemused expression as he scoured his mouth several times over before
sitting down to his cold meal of turkey, yams, and something odd-looking that
the redhead had called stuffing.

The Japanese man had to admit, though, that times like these were the most
relaxing, when he and his lover were simply with each other, side by side. A coexistance, one might call it. There was something darker
in their relationship, something deep and troubled and very, very wrong.
Unhealthy. Yuu knew that, Lavi probably knew it too, but neither of them truly
cared, because all that mattered was the other. Perhaps if Yuu hadn't been so
hurt, Lavi so broken, it would have been different. Perhaps if Yuu had grown up
with a caring father and a healthy mother, he wouldn't have been so afraid to
get close to people. Maybe if Lavi hadn't become a Bookman, if his parents had
loved him and refused to give him away, he would have been found as an
Exorcist. They could have met, still. They could have become friends, probably.
Maybe Yuu wouldn't hate Moyashi so much--no, that was a cosmic constant,
it couldn't ever change--but at the very least, maybe they could have a civil
conversation. Perhaps.

But if that had happened, if they had both grown up normally, the qualities
that attracted them to each other would have been lost, and their relationship
would probably stay that of just friends. Lavi would still be Liam. It never would
have happened. That hurt to think about, of course, the possibility of them not
being together, but it was also refreshing. Yuu had never thought thinking of
impossibilities would ever be relaxing, but now it had become so. He wondered
when that had changed.

It surprised him that he wanted friends now. He'd never call them that, but the
idea was still there, in his head. He wanted to talk with Lenalee, he wanted to
laugh with her. He'd never admit it to anyone but himself, but he wanted
to play with Krista, treat her as a younger sister that he had never had. Even
if she was a Little Fucker and needed to be severely punished for knocking him
down a flight of stairs and causing part of his Lotus to die. He wanted to slap
Darcy for being an idiot, to return Amanda's ridiculous bear hugs, to smile at
Lolek and tell him that he'd better take care of Miranda, to tell Miranda that
he didn't blame her for what happened, that it wasn't her fault, that she
should stop blaming herself, and that she was like an older sister to him. He
wanted all this and more, and he knew that his nature would never allow for
most of it.

But there was hope.

That was what he thought about as he stared at his plate, picking through items
and eating them slowly, carefully. He was aware of Lavi's gaze on him sometime
around when he swallowed his last bite of yams and started working on his green
beans, but he ignored it, instead pondering the possibilities of what if.

"Ne, Yuu, whatcha thinkin' 'bout?"
The Baka Usagi asked from his kneeling position on the floor across from
the Japanese man. Yuu put down his fork contemplatively, chewing his final bite
of dinner just as slowly as he had been.

"Possibilities," he finally said. It was vague, but he didn't know
what else to say. Lavi's face scrunched up in that cute way it did when he was
trying to think through something but was failing miserably. It looked almost
as if he was trying to sprout rabbit ears from his head. His nose twitched, his
eyelid quivered, and his mouth bent upward slightly. Yuu was probably the only
person who saw it as anything remotely rabbit-like. But he was glad of that
fact.

"What kinda possibilities?" The redhead
finally asked, giving an infinitessimal shrug. The
Japanese man couldn't help it, he smiled. It was slight, but from the small
widening of Lavi's good eye, he knew the other man saw it.

"Just... possibilities," he shrugged.

"Is that why you jumped me today, in the confessional booth...
possibilities?"

"No," Yuu replied. That wasn't it. He tried not to get distracted by
the evening rays in Lavi's hair as he contemplated what to say. "...You
looked... sad."

"I did?" Lavi said blankly, blinking.

"Your eye did that thing where it looks flat and really, really deep at
the same time, and it darkened. Your face was slack, your gaze far away.
Normally, when you look like that, you're sad."

The rabbit looked taken aback, as if he hadn't thought Yuu was that observant.
He probably hadn't, though. "I was just thinkin'
about my time as Bookman," the younger man finally said, his voice almost
a wistful sigh, only Yuu could tell that he wasn't looking back with nostalgia.
There was an undertone to his voice, something broken or sad, defeated, and Yuu
didn't like it. It reminded him of how hurt Lavi had been during the summer.

It wasn't time to scoff, it wasn't time for a whatever. He needed to
know, not because he desired to understand what Lavi had gone through, but
because the stupid rabbit needed to tell someone or he'd burst. Maybe that
would be a long time in the future, but if Lavi kept it all inside, just like
Yuu, he would reject the world, shy away from reality, until he was a shell of
his normal, quirky self, a dry husk of the vibrant man Yuu loved. "Will
you tell me?" He found himself asking. Yuu was pretty sure he hadn't told
his mouth to make the sounds, but they were out in the world, reverberating
through the tiny bones of Lavi's inner ear.

The redhead shuddered and looked away, something between guilt and trauma in
his features. "Not now," he said, and his voice was shaking.
"I'm still trying to work through it. There's so much, so many terrible
things I've seen, and I can't--I can't... not now..."

Kneeing his way across the floor, Yuu brushed the plates away, not caring what
nasty shit got on Lavi's stupid-ass
rug-that-needed-to-get-out-of-his-sight-right-now, and pulled his lover's head
to his shoulder. He didn't make hushing noises, but he rocked the two of them
back and forth, using the hand not brushing through Lavi's hair to rub the
man's back. Lavi didn't cry, nor did he whimper or make any other weak or needy
noise, but he did shake. He shook hard, tiny gasps of supressed
memories pulling themselves from his throat. It sounded like dry sobbing,
though Yuu knew it was different. Late at night, back when he was young, the
same thing had happened to him. In fear, he had kept the lights off and trusted
his senses to alert him to danger, and he had pulled himself into a small,
protective ball. And he had quivered, had shaken like a leaf in gale-force
wind. He had trembled and twitched and at times had looked like he was having a
seizure. All the while, he had gasped in air, needing more and more than his
lung capacity would allow him. And that would happen until the spell had faded,
and then he would go out to the woods with Mugen and train until he could
barely keep his eyes open, and even then, he'd keep going, just because he
didn't want to seem weak, even at his feeblest moment.

The whole time, he supposed, he had just wanted someone to hold him close, even
though at the time, the thought of any contact with another human being seemed
both repulsive and weak. Even though every touch reminded him of his father and
what he had gone through. But now, if he had the same terror, he knew he would
want Lavi there, holding him tightly and whispering those stupid things that he
always said--some shit about it being okay, to hush and let himself be cared
for, et cetera--into his ear as he petted Yuu's hair and rubbed his back like
he was some kind of cat. So that was what he did now, except for the
whispering, because he wasn't going to say something that wasn't true, and it
sounded stupid anyway.

Eventually, Lavi calmed, and they didn't talk about it when he changed into
pajamas amidst a roar of laughter from the party in the courtyard. They were
likewise silent as the man collapsed into the bed. Yuu pulled the covers over
him and allowed his wrist to be grabbed as Lavi stared up at him, his eyes
shining with an emotion the dark-haired man could not name.

"My present... it's in the top drawer of my dresser. Will you get
it?" His voice wasn't hoarse, but there was a coarse quality to it, as if
he was trying very, very hard to keep his emotions at bay. It wasn't
surprising. Yuu nodded and walked over to the dresser. He pulled out a lumpy
but impeccably wrapped gift, and he walked back to the bed, stopping only to
reach into his own dresser and produce his gift to Lavi. Something fluttered to
the floor, probably an article of clothing, but he ignored it, since Lavi was
his priority at the moment.

He tried to keep the paper neat as he unwrapped his present. The Japanese man
was pleasantly surprised to find something useful within, a long, white
bathrobe to replace the small, fraying towel he'd been issued at the beginning
of the summer. It was soft, softer than towels should be, but it was useful.
Immediately, it meant a lot. Lavi had understood that he hated trinkets and
meaningless possessions. He had probably thought long and hard on what to get
him, and then he had looked for quality. It probably hadn't been more than
twenty or thirty pounds, but it was never the money that counted. Yuu felt a
smile on his face as he lowered his present.

"Thank you," he said, genuinely meaning it for one of the few times
in his life. He leaned down and kissed Lavi, letting his lips linger for a
moment before pulling up. The redhead looked stunned.

"You... thanked...?" The man asked, and Yuu chuckled under his
breath. Lavi's eye widened, and a smile formed on his face.

"Of course, Baka."

Placing his present in Lavi's hands, Yuu watched the redhead demolish the paper
and box. His eye lit up, a wide grin on his face, as he saw what Yuu had gotten
him. Immediately, the man put on the orange scarf, looking overjoyed. Yuu knew
at once it was no act, and he felt somewhat pleased with himself that he had
managed to change Lavi's mood so thoroughly.

"I always wanted one o' these again, but I couldn't find the damn thing!
Thanks, Yuu-chan!" Lavi kissed his cheek.

At that moment, Yuu realized what was missing, and when he turned around, he
saw the card on the floor. It was stupid and generic, but Lenalee had told him
to get it, so he had. He sat up and went to pick it up, but then he realized
something was still wrong. Flipping it open, he ignored his quickly written Happy
Christmas, Baka Usagi and went to the desk for a pen. With quick, fluid
motions, he wrote in Japanese the one thing he could not verbalize.

When he handed it to Lavi, the man's eye flew across the page, and his face settled
into a soft expression Yuu saw only when the other man was staring at him and
thought he wasn't looking. "Ore mo," Lavi whispered.

Yuu smiled. They kissed again, and the Japanese man couldn't help but feel
perfectly content as they fell into each other's arms, negative emotions and
fatigue chased away by the sudden passion they felt. Their gifts were pushed
aside, along with wrapping paper and boxes and cards, and as they lay in each
other's arms much later, Yuu looked at that fucking orange rug and saw his
message shining in a pool of moonlight spilling in from the window. Aishiteru, it said, and he mouthed the word,
grasping Lavi's hand tighter and sinking more into the man's back.

---

A/N: Fluff! We know! You didn't think it was possible. But it is!!!! More speakos happened, but we can't remember them, and it's late
at night, and we're tired. :( But it was so cute and happy and fluffy that it's
worth the small amount of sleep Em2 will get tonight. Happy LaviYuu
day, everyone! :)
- 33
- 34
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Innocent Rain