Learning to Land | By : Suteishichic Category: Prince of Tennis/Tennis no Ohjisama > General Views: 11419 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis (Tennis no Ohjisama), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Learning to Land. Chapter Thirty Eight ~Shishido~
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
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"Keigo, what I really want is back with you."
"Why? Do you miss me?" Atobe asked. He looked like a little boy and he looked very alone. It was an entirely new side of him Shishido had never seen and it made Shishido feel guilty and terribly sorry for him. Shishido did care about him, just not like he once had. Shishido nodded and kissed his cheek. "Because we had fun together?" Shishido nodded. That was true enough. "But you don't love me." Atobe said it quietly and sounded very heartbroken.
"Keigo?" Shishido was surprised and held him a little closer, "I do, in a way."
"You used to really love me." Atobe said making it sound like a statement and a question all at once.
"Yeah, I did." Shishido said. Atobe looked at him as if that answer really mattered to him.
"Is it because I left you alone too long? Because of Tezuka? Because of Jiroh? Because of that girl?" Atobe held him closer and said sounding broken, "Why don't you love me anymore?"
Shishido forgot how dangerous Atobe could be for a moment, especially when he was upset, because right now he seemed so unusually needy. He decided to be completely honest with Atobe and said, "I don't know. Maybe all those things. Anyway, I told you I do in a way. Hey, you're the one who said I can't love, that I don't have it in me to love someone, remember?"
"Don't be stupid. I was jealous and I said that to hurt you." Atobe held up his hand to his face. "You may love me in a way, but Shishido, you're in love with someone else. Even if you don't know you are yet, its true. How...sad." Atobe meant it was sad for himself and he said it bitterly.
No. There was no way that was true. Impossible. He barely knew the kid. What's more, the kid barely knew him and the kid was only using him as a substitute. The kid had only kissed him once.Shishido shook his head, "No. If I felt like that for someone else then why the hell would I be here? Like this? Wanting you? I want back with you Keigo. Just you."
Atobe smirked. He looked a little recovered, "And would you be willing to do whatever I asked? Willing to let me be with Jiroh, and Tezuka, and anyone else I want?"
Shishido had already faced that he would have to accept that. He valued loyalty but would accept his fate. He really didn't have any choice. "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy. If that's what makes you happy Keigo, then yes."
"Really?" Atobe purred dangerously, and his eyes narrowed, "And what about if what makes me happy is to share you with Jiroh, Tezuka, and anyone else I want? What then? Will you do whatever I want you to?"
Shishido was shocked and realized he shouldn't have been. It was a test and one that would probably happen in real life. He wished he had been bold enough to lie to Atobe and say he loved him in the first place and that Atobe could not have seen through him. He thought a moment of all the terrible things Atobe would probably have him do and all the people Atobe might possibly make him do them with if only to bind Shishido to him even closer. Shishido would never get away and be able to live with himself. He felt a swelling of his stubborn pride and went to refuse, but an instant before he did, he remembered Ohtori whispering with such love, reverence, and trust, "Shishido-san..." before kissing him. If Atobe suspected for an instant that he really had any kind of feelings for Ohtori... And that on top of what Ohtori had already suffered...
Shishido had his answer no matter what it cost him and regardless that Ohtori would never know what someone was willing to give and do for him. He looked right into Atobe's eyes and repeated, "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy. If that's what makes you happy Keigo, then yes." Shishido felt his heart break a little right then and waited for Atobe to accept him and his life to revert back to how it was, only worse now that he had no way to refuse or hold back anymore.
He looked at Atobe and watched as Atobe's jaw dropped open in an odd and rare moment of raw shock. That was interesting and Shishido figured he would have to pay gravely for that later. Then in surprise he saw Atobe's face darken with anger and his mouth twist into a sneer. He pushed Shishido back hard and held him against the back of the shower, so hard he was hurting him. He snarled at him, "Damn you Ryoh, I should take you back just to make you suffer. I really should." He pulled back to look at a stunned Shishido.Atobe no longer looked needy, now he looked furious, "You idiot! You would do that for him and not for me! You really love him! I can't believe you!" Now Atobe looked disgusted and upset. Shishido had no idea what he was talking about but knew how upset Atobe was. And how dangerous. Atobe then suddenly calmed down as if he was afraid Shishido would walk away from him. He put his arms around him, and held Shishido close. "Don't you ever come to me offering yourself because you need a favor. Don't you ever treat me like everyone else does. How could you?"
Atobe whispered the last and several pieces of the Atobe puzzle Shishido had always not been able to figure out slipped into place. Still he insisted, "Keigo, I don't have feelings for anyone else. I don't."
Atobe gave a sharp retort of laughter, "Hah! Shishido, you really are an idiot. You don't even know you're in love."
Shishido said before he thought it out, "No. I'm not. I just don't want to see the kid get hurt anymore. I can only be a substitute, I'll never measure up to the ghost. I'll never be as good as that guy, and that's not good enough for me. You know that. The kid deserves better. Much better than me." Shishido shrugged, "And I can't protect him." He hoped his honesty got through to Atobe enough to touch him, and that it didn't cost the kid.
"No Ryoh, you just felt afraid and reached for something familiar." Shishido looked at him and thought Atobe had lost his grip. Instead though Atobe looked fully recovered. He purred, "No. Now, this amuses me. I want to see how things play out over there. Between the three of you, or have you forgotten Taki?" Atobe smiled wickedly. "It should be extremely interesting but I promise you Ryoh that if your little cold heart gets broken, I'll be sure to be there to pick up the pieces." Atobe smiled as if showing Shishido how much punishment his betrayal would cost him.
Atobe looked at him for a long moment and then smirked, "Shishido, let me save you thousands in therapy. You're a closeted narcissist. I am called a narcissist simply because I know I am the best. The flip side of the narcissist coin is someone who believes they are the worst. A closeted narcissist. You, my very pretty friend, are a closeted narcissist. I rarely complement others, especially others who have so cruelly fallen out of love with me and in love with someone else so listen well," Atobe took Shishido's face in his hand and looked him straight in the eyes to let him know he was not joking, bluffing, or playing a game, "Shishido Ryoh, you were always more than good enough. For me and for anyone else. Anyone would be lucky to have you and your heart. You were always able to love and you were always more than good enough. Now nod to show me you understand..."
Shishido was shocked. He smiled a little at Atobe acting like this and rolled his eyes instead of nodding. It was so like Atobe to be cruel and then completely giving a moment later. Just like Atobe knew someone's weaknesses he could also see their strengths and he didn't pass out complements without meaning them, "Keigo..." he started to say to him but was interrupted.
"You're welcome. Now stop being afraid. I want to see what happens next and nothing will go anywhere if you're too scared to make a move. When I met you, you weren't afraid of anything or anyone. Has that changed?" Shishido thought a moment and shook his head no. "Excellent. As far as protection you are protected, and as long as you keep amusing me you always will be. No one will touch you or him. After all we're friends aren't we? As long as you stop asking me for favors and treating me like everyone else treats me, you're my friend." Atobe said it as a warning too but he meant it. Then he smiled, "Damn Ryoh, I thought you were horny so you came to practice to see me. And then I thought were going to kiss me for the first time too. I thought you wanted to for the first time. I'm rather disappointed." And hurt. Shishido clearly saw it on his face and now held him close, surprising Atobe.
Shishido smiled and whispered into his ear in a low sexy way he knew Atobe would like. "Keigo? That wouldn't have been the first time I kissed you..."
Atobe gave a bitter little half laugh clearly not believing him.
"Kei, every night we slept together, when you fell asleep, every night I kissed you." Atobe pulled back to look at him surprised. Shishido smiled his famous half smile without realizing it. "Yeah. Every night. Not even I can resist you Keigo, I just waited until you were satisfied and sleeping. I don't sleep much, remember?"
"Why?" Atobe asked and looked surprisingly shy and like a little boy again suddenly, "Because you really loved me?"
"Yeah." Shishido admitted knowing how much it would please Atobe although the confession made Shishido squirm inside. Atobe smiled a little for an instant and then looked annoyed.
"How? How did you kiss me?" Shishido was confused as to what he meant and then Atobe said sounding hungry again, "I don't know how you kiss. At all. I hate that I don't know. I hate how that girl knows and I don't."
Shishido only then realized how very much he had hurt Atobe. About as much as Atobe had hurt him. He pressed Atobe harder against the back of the shower this time, and only then did he remember that they were both naked and they used to be lovers. Very good lovers in their own way too. He smoothed back some of Atobe's wet hair off his cheek. He told him the truth, "The whole time I was with her I wished I was making love to you, Kei. I closed my eyes and only thought of you. I wanted you to stop us or join us and it broke my heart that you didn't."
"You loved me?" Atobe asked and looked as if his heart was breaking.
"I did Keigo. I really did and I still do in a way. I never wanted anything from you but your heart." Shishido kissed him soft and warm and willing him to feel how much Shishido once really did love him. He started with a soft kiss and he touched Atobe's face with his hand. He ran his thumb over his beauty mark under his eye as he had so many times kissing a very sleeping and satiated Atobe. When Atobe's lips parted, Shishido gently licked his tongue inside his mouth. When he touched their tongues together, Atobe whispered his name and softly moaned in a way Shishido had not heard him before. Shishido realized in surprise Atobe had wanted this, wanted Shishido like this, very much for a very long time and Atobe was not someone who had ever had to wait for something or someone he wanted ever before.
Shishido smiled and deepened their kiss. He wrapped his hand around the back of Atobe's head and pulled him closer as he kissed him further. Atobe kissed him hotly back, completely lost in the moment and completely lost to Shishido. Shishido ran his hands over Atobe's strong body, touching him in places Atobe so loved to be touched. Shishido remembered them well. He kissed down Atobe's throat and Atobe said in a moan, "I should have stopped you. I did her and all I could smell was you. I only did her because she smelled like you Ryoh and you kissed her. I want you so much. You make me crazy with wanting you..." Shishido kissed his mouth again to stop Atobe from confessing any more and the deep kiss made Atobe again moan. He certainly didn't need Atobe saying more than he felt comfortable with later. Moans were safe and good. Very good. It was nice being in control with Atobe for a change. Shishido had started out kissing him just to make Atobe feel good and he wondered if his making Atobe feel good, if his being in control for a change was really Atobe making him feel good. Shishido shrugged to himself and kissed him a little harder as he wrapped Atobe's erection in his hand. Atobe moaned again but made no move to touch Shishido back.
Shishido was surprised but then he understood. Atobe for some reason thought Shishido was in love with someone else so he wouldn't touch him. Atobe as always was loyal first to Atobe. Fine, this time Shishido would touch him instead. Shishido boldly ran his hand around to the tight pucker of Atobe's ass. They had never done this before. Shishido had never done this before. Not with any guy, but Atobe had done this so many times with Shishido that it was familiar enough. He spread a little shampoo on his hands and soaped Atobe up both front and back as he touched and stroked him. Atobe went to push his hands away, "Ryoh, you can't do it with me so you know how to do it with him. I won't let you experiment..."
Shishido kissed him hard and deep to quiet him. He had no idea what Atobe was talking about. "Shh...Kei, all I want to do right now is make you feel good. I'm just going to touch you. I just want you to come. Let me make you come Keigo." He kissed him again hard, stroked him, and entered him gently with a finger. Atobe moved with him, kissed him back, and wanted more.
"...Damn...Ryoh...want you so much..." Atobe moaned softly. Shishido entered him with a second finger gently and looked for that place inside him that he knew felt amazing. That place Atobe had showed him. Atobe was moaning in his arms, his body was trembling,and he wanted more. Shishido realized for the first time that Atobe had always wanted to lose the control he held so close to him all the time, but there were few he trusted enough to really let go with. Shishido was pleased and surprised to find out that he was one of the very few. It was amazing how you could know someone so well and not really know them until you got a little space and distance he thought to himself.
He found that place inside Atobe and talked to him how he knew he liked and wanted, "Kei, I want to hear you. Let it out. Let everyone hear you." He stroked him and pressed gently making Atobe shudder and moan loud as he tried not to come. Atobe's eyes were shut tight and he was gripping Shishido hard, unable to stand on his own. "Keigo, look at me." Atobe did. His eyes were clouded with lust and he looked beautiful and strangely vulnerable. Shishido smiled in his lopsided grin he knew Atobe liked, "Kiss me Kei. I want to kiss you." He said and met Atobe's mouth for a hot kiss while he stroked him inside and out. Atobe was quaking in his arms and moaned softly in his mouth. "Louder Keigo, I want to hear you. I want to hear you and I want you to come. Now." Shishido touched inside him again and again as Atobe cried out his name in a loud groan of pleasure and came hard. Harder than Shishido had ever seen him and he was louder than he had ever heard him before.
Shishido held him close remembering that Atobe always needed a moment or two after he came to return to his senses. He spontaneously kissed Atobe softly on his lips, his cheek, his forehead, and then he smiled. "Very nice." Shishido said although he was so hard it was painful now. Atobe clearly wasn't going to touch him and for some reason, Shishido felt good about that.
And he felt good about many other things which surprised him. Although he noticed Atobe left him a larger and darker hickey than normal to hide. He would have to change away from everyone or Jiroh would kill him. And no getting out of the shower without a shirt on or he had a feeling his morning coffee would maybe be poisoned. Although even with Atobe protecting him, Taki still might kill him, and there was no way Shishido would be anyone's substitute, and yet...
"You bastard." Atobe said jarring him out of his thoughts but he saw Atobe was smirking. Shishido looked at him. "You could have been like that the whole time and weren't. You bastard!" He punched Shishido in his arm hard enough to hurt. Shishido started laughing. The whole thing was suddenly funny. His laughing made Atobe laugh although he said, "Go ahead and laugh Shishido. I was going to help you with that..." he indicated Shishido's erection and Shishido saw for a moment how much Atobe wanted to clearly on his face,"...but now forget it."
They both were still laughing and Shishido knew Atobe might very much want to but he had no intention of touching him. Although Shishido suddenly realized he could right then probably coax Atobe into that and much more but found to his even greater surprise that really, he didn't want to. "And stop using such cheap shampoo or you'll get split ends." Atobe said and Shishido just barely held back from pointing out how he had just used that same cheap shampoo on Atobe. It was probably the only time such peasant-worthy chemicals were used on Atobe's splendid pampered ass.
Instead he safely said, "Its all a pauper like me can afford Atobe." Atobe started rinsing himself off and rolled his eyes. He still had no concept of people not having the money to do and get whatever they wanted.
"Fine. Maybe your next rich boyfriend will buy you something better." Atobe said, one of their old familiar lines.
Shishido went to answer his usual way, "Fine. Maybe he will..."
Shishido went to say his standard reply. That maybe Atobe's next pauper would allow him to buy him whatever Atobe liked but Atobe said softly before he could, "He will Ryoh." He looked upset for an instant and then it passed. Atobe smiled again and shook his head at him as if he was both surprised and pleased, "You bastard." They both laughed. Then Atobe looked smug again. He casually said, "Oh and you might not want to undress in front of anyone for a while. Jiroh or perhaps a certain suite mate might not be too happy?" Atobe looked pleased with himself as he indicated the large dark hickey he had left on Shishido's chest.
"You too, Kei." Shishido smirked back at him and looked at Atobe's collarbone. For the first and only time, he left him quite a memorable one.
Atobe looked at him shocked for the second time in...forever, "You...bastard." He sounded filled with indignation, surprise, and yet enormously pleased all at the same time as only Atobe could. Which made Shishido laugh and Atobe laughed after him. Shishido had put it in a spot that Atobe couldn't see on himself unless he looked in a mirror. While Atobe looked at himself in mirrors constantly, there was a chance that Atobe wouldn't have noticed it had Shishido not said and that someone else would have first. They both knew that could have happened, and the implications it might have had, and they didn't need to say in words. They knew each other that well. They laughed over it all. They soon stopped laughing and looked at each other for a moment. Shishido didn't have the words to say what he was feeling for Atobe who was now just his friend. In a way he was sorry it was over, very glad in another, and he also felt that there was always a chance this wasn't over because you never knew what might happen in life or with Atobe Keigo.
"Yeah, you too." Shishido agreed with his bastard assessment and yet Atobe really surprised him. This had worked out he realized even better than Shishido had planned. Instead of giving himself up to Atobe, surprisingly Atobe had let him go and reached out his hand in true friendship. It was big of anyone to do this. For Atobe it was huge. It was the first genuine indication Shishido had of Atobe having a real heart. It had, as Shishido always suspected, just been buried and hidden from all the people who wanted to use him. Somehow Shishido had uncovered a tiny corner of it and even if it was as just friends now, he knew Atobe would always be his friend. No matter what his father's status or where they ended up in life. He then also realized for the first time that Atobe was one of the only people who wanted Shishido for himself. It may have been Shishido's looks and shell that had originally attracted Atobe, but he had grown to care for and love Shishido genuinely, at least as much as Atobe could. He was the first person to really love Shishido even if it was in Atobe's own way and he was the first person Shishido had feelings of love for. While this part of their relationship as lovers was over, the next part, whatever it might be, would probably be better and stronger.
They stood there looking at each other for a moment but it didn't feel awkward at all even though they were both wet and naked and saying goodbye in a way. It was sad and happy all at the same time and they didn't need to say the words because Shishido would see him the next day. "I'll dress quickly?" Atobe said meaning he would leave Shishido alone to come in privacy if he wanted.
"Take your time, if you want." Shishido wasn't going to be shy after all they had done and it wasn't like he had anyone else in mind when he touched himself. Atobe inclined his head meaning Shishido would never know for certain but he did. He knew Atobe would linger, wondering if Shishido would call out a name other than his own. Shishido was so hard he ached and he stroked himself the moment Atobe closed the curtain. He at first tried to think of Atobe and even thought it might be nice if he said his name, even in a whisper, knowing he was right there and listening, but his thoughts even after touching and kissing Atobe kept turning back to an intriguing stolen peppermint kiss and a whispered, "Shishido-san."
Shishido tried to think of Atobe again, he imagined Atobe pushing the curtain aside, and taking him rough and hard from behind just for old times sake but then his thoughts went to the kid doing the same thing. He didn't know what Ohtori's skin tasted like or where he liked to be touched or how Ohtori would touch him back but he couldn't stop thinking about him. And even with so much he didn't know, he still somehow knew that it wouldn't be rough or dominating, but it would be very hot and really sweet instead. He pictured Ohtori kissing his skin, touching him everywhere, sweet and hot, gentle and strong, whispering his name, being behind him, being inside him, stroking him, kissing him, making him come. Shishido gasped and shuddered as he came but made no other noise even though he came hard.
He was surprised and intimidated. Atobe had been right, Shishido did feel somewhat afraid but it was more that he felt intimidated and overwhelmed. He wasn't sure what his feelings were, but he knew he had never felt like this before. That was overwhelming. Plus Shishido never had to chase after anyone before. People always chased after him. He had no idea how to pursue someone or even get to know them. Even the people he had liked in the past had all liked him first. He wasn't good with most people because he was alone so much of the time. When he wasn't alone, people around him went out of their way to make things easy for him when they liked him or snub him when they didn't. Even if Ohtori really was interested in him because he looked like his dead best friend, Shishido had no idea what to do next. Or any idea what to do about Taki. Or even a clear idea about what he wanted to happen. Or what he wanted out of this. Shishido realized what he needed was time to think about that especially. He worried that if he took too long thinking though that maybe any of Ohtori's interest in him, like his own for Atobe, would fade and be replaced by a very willing Taki. Would that be the worst thing? Shishido didn't know.
He returned to their suite feeling a little intimidated by what Taki and Ohtori, if he was back, might have heard. Shishido knew by now everyone would be talking about him and Atobe obviously being in the shower together when Atobe must have ordered everyone but him out. Shishido didn't know how Ohtori would react to that. It wasn't like they were dating or anything but still...
He had left that morning so determined to move out and get away and now all he wanted was Ohtori to be there. Even if it was awkward after Ohtori had kissed him and after he and Atobe were together, Shishido more than anything just wanted to see him. He had a dreadful thought that maybe Ohtori decided to go home and stay there. Maybe he would never come back. Shishido heard Taki talking and had to keep himself from smiling in relief and anticipation as he unlocked the door and hoped Ohtori was on the other side.
"Hey," Taki said to him as he entered and took off his shoes.
"Hey," Shishido said back although he didn't see Ohtori. He wondered if Taki knew he saw him kissing Ohtori and if he was nervous. He felt a moment of jealousy which considering his recent shower and that all of them were single and able to do whatever the hell they wanted was absurd.
"You practiced? On a Sunday?" Taki said with a smirk. He hadn't gone to practice and Ohtori wasn't back in time apparently if he was back at all. They maybe wouldn't hear about his and Atobe's shower until later. Shishido shrugged in response and headed towards his room to drop off his things. He was tired and wanted coffee even though it was later in the day. He never made the coffee anymore and wondered if he should. Maybe he should just take a nap for an hour or so.
"Shishido-san!" He turned to see Ohtori smiling wide at the doorway to his room and tried not to smile stupidly at him as relief that he was back and there flooded through him. It was only a night away and he had missed him. "How was practice?"
"Good." Shishido thought about a million things he wanted to ask Ohtori but felt suddenly stupid and shy. He didn't want to hear that home was good or bad and was afraid to ask. One question came out of his mouth though before he could stop himself, "Why are you wearing that?" Ohtori was in a winter hat and coat while Shishido was in short sleeves. He wondered again if Ohtori remembered kissing him and tried not to look at Ohtori's mouth.
Ohtori laughed, "We're going ice skating. Taki and me. You should come Shishido-san. Do you have a pair of gloves I can borrow? I don't have all my winter things here yet."
Shishido froze. "No thank you. I'll get you my gloves." Shishido moved over to his closet and took down the box with his winter things. He was instantly upset. He just painfully remembered suddenly who it was Ohtori had always reminded him so much of. And how ironic the entire situation was.
"Shishido-san?" Ohtori must have seen how stiffly Shishido was now moving. Ohtori had taken a few steps into his room towards him.
"Why don't you come with us?" Taki asked gearing up to make a little mischief. He too must have seen Shishido's discomfort and was now leaning in his doorway. "Ohtori used to play ice hockey with his best friend. He's going to teach me how to ice skate. Do you know how Shishido? Ohtori could teach you too." Taki was pressing and looking for a response.
"No thank you. I know how. I just don't like to ice skate." Shishido said it coldly to get Taki to back off. There was no way in hell he was going to tell Ohtori this. It would upset the kid too much. He located his gloves and turned back around.
"What? Are you scared? Did you fall?" Taki was smiling and looking to make fun of an obvious sore spot on Shishido's otherwise impervious armor. Shishido realized in his enthusiasm of seeing Ohtori and after things went so well with Atobe that he had let his guard down a little. Taki was obviously upset about the other night and knew that Shishido saw him by the way he was looking for blood. Shishido felt the anger that he usually wore as armor snap back into place around him. It didn't feel as comforting as it usually did. Especially when he saw how Ohtori reacted to it. Ohtori looked upset and like he wanted to reach out to him. Shishido couldn't allow that. It was for Ohtori's own good.
He looked straight at Taki while handing the gloves to Ohtori. "Yes." He said to Taki and just to be sure there was no confusion, "I fell. I fell through the ice. Now I don't ice skate. All right with you?" He turned back to an open mouthed Ohtori and said a little gentler, "Here are my gloves. Have fun." He walked past them both and went towards his bed to lay down. He had the beginnings of a headache from being tired and truth be told he didn't really want to be alone right now and knew he soon would be. Taki would surely talk Ohtori into leaving. Shishido was worried that if Ohtori stayed that he would tell him things Ohtori especially should never know so he couldn't hope he would stay. But he did. He really did.
"Shishido-san? Are you...?"
Shishido cut Ohtori off before he asked if Shishido was all right because he wasn't right then. "I'm fine. Just tired. I haven't slept. I need to rest a while." He lay down though still dressed because he didn't want Ohtori to see his chest. He turned his back to them. He said to Ohtori, "Be careful. You can't afford to get hurt." Shishido was angry and tried to keep it out of his voice as he said, "Don't let Taki pull you down or make you fall." Taki started to say something in his own defense and Shishido said before anyone else could. "Please close my door on your way out."
Shishido heard Ohtori softly saying after his door closed that maybe they should stay and then Taki talking Ohtori into going for just a little while, they wouldn't be gone long, and on and on to convince Ohtori to go. Eventually they left. Shishido closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind. He didn't want to think about this. He really didn't. He wanted to just rest but eventually he must have fallen asleep.
It was dark outside when he woke and he was home alone.
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