Protect Me Forever
folder
Gravitation › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
8
Views:
3,592
Reviews:
17
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Gravitation › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
8
Views:
3,592
Reviews:
17
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Gravitation, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Tearless
Sorry for late update!! (It’s actually only a couple days, but still…later than usual.) I’ve been feeling DEAD after work the past couple days, so yeah.
Disclaimer: I’ve been forgetting to do this!! I’ll never own Gravitation…
I’m just wondering…do any of you authors ever feel nervous when you open reviews and see how people react to your story? I get super nervous when I read mine, especially when this is my first story, people have never heard of me, so I don’t have any reputation like some authors that you just say their names and you’ll be like, “oh yeah, they wrote this story…”
For adultfanfic, when I read my story, there were all these symbols around the italic words. I was thinking this is crap!! How can I make the italics actually appear?
I’m not getting many reviews…please review to keep my confidence going and reviews help guide me!! I’ve been holding off the update, as well. Cuz I was expecting 3 reviews a chapter, but I didn’t get it. I was hoping there would be more reviews if I didn’t update yet, but no, there weren’t. It WAS a ‘bit’ disappointing.
No Shu does NOT like being a whore…he just likes being with Yuki and Ryuichi…Is that why hits went down? Does anyone even read this? Fine, I’ll shut up.
Chapter 4: Tearless
Wednesday Nov 7
-Shuichi POV-
My order with Ryuichi is already over, why isn’t Yuki here to pick me up yet?! I look around desperately, hoping to catch any signs of my blond man. Where is he?
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“A meeting right now, no I have something to do. Another time,” Yuki brushed off Mizuki’s request to see him.
“No! Yuki-san, you don’t understand! It’s not me who wants to see you, it’s your publisher!” Mizuki screamed into her cell phone, hoping to get the message that this is an important meeting, through Yuki’s thick skull.
Yuki turned the steering wheel, puffing on his cigarette. “Fuck the publishers, tell them another time.”
“Yuki! If you don’t come to this meeting, your next book might fail!”
“…” I guess I can see him another time. My book failing isn’t something I want though…He sighed, “Fine, where?”
---------
“Shuichi! Congratulations, you have another order at a high price!” Ma, so excited that he’s the caretaker of me, says. I turn to look at him in anticipation. Is it Yuki?!
Ma read my thoughts, he sighed. “Shuichi, it’s not him.”
My heart broke. How could he take me like that and just leave me? I started crying. How could he give me to other men that I didn’t know, and didn’t want? Ma looked at me with sad eyes. Holding my hand, he said, “This is something all the whores here go through. You have to toughen yourself up and accept it. The next customer is also from here, in fact, he works here as well. His name is Tatsuha. Heard of him?”
I pause. Tatsuha? “Is he the one that everyone says is cold and indifferent about everything? How is it possible that he’s my customer?”
Ma laughs, “He’s indifferent about his job, not about everything. He isn’t exactly cold either. And it’s possible for employees to buy each other. Everyone gets a share of the money they earn. You, in fact, already have a lot. You got $1 000 000 from Eiri-san (Ma doesn’t know it’s Yuki Eiri) and $2 000 000 from Kyousuke-san (or that it’s Sakuma Ryuichi). But that’s just a share of the total amount they paid for you. It’s easier for employees to have each other, since you don’t need as much respect to serve one of your ‘peers’.”
My mouth was in an O.
We walk into Tatsuha’s room. I gasp; it’s even fancier than mine! But I guess it’ll be his room we’re soiling, not mine. Well, it’s not like he cares though. I see a mop of black hair near the windows. Ma already left us to ourselves. Tatsuha turns. Both our eyes widen. I instantly thought, Yuki! You came for me, but what happened to your colours?
I walk up to him and I touch his face, staring at the one I’ve been thinking about in awe. Then I remember, it can’t be Yuki, Yuki doesn’t work here. But then, who’s this look alike? I whisper, “…Yu…ki?” He looks at me in surprise, then his expression softened. “You have then wrong person, kid. But I did have a brother that looked a lot like me, Eiri.”
I can’t believe it, I found Yuki’s brother. “Is it Yuki Eiri?! Is it?”
He looked at me, staring, “You know him…? My last name is Uesugi, not Yuki.”
I deflated, so they aren’t brothers. “Oh…yeah, he was my customer…!” Crap! I’m not supposed to say that! Now the headlines will have ‘Yuki Eiri spotted at Icha Icha.’ I smack my head. I’m SO sorry Yuki!!
Tatsuha was amused by my display of emotions, and suddenly decided to take me out of my misery. “I’m just joking, Yuki is his pen name, his real last name is Uesugi. Didn’t he ever tell you?” I just met someone unexpectedly linked to my past, this Shuichi… “I can’t believe he chose you though.”
I snap out of the shock of meeting this person, and the sadness that Yuki never told me this, when Tatsuha said this. “What’s that mean?! What’s wrong with him choosing me?”
“? Nothing. I’m just …surprised, that’s all.” What an unconvincing answer. I brush it aside, flopping onto his bed and crossing my arms, and pout.
“What’s with that look? Are you sad because I said that?” He comes closer to me, now sitting on the edge of the bed. I flop and face the opposite direction. He twitches, when his expression suddenly turns naughty. There was this ‘something’ in his voice when he talked to me next.
“Hey, do you know why I placed an order on you?” Not even giving a chance to answer, he jumped behind me and swung his arms around me. “Mmm, Ryuichi must feel like this too…” I was startled. I could feel his heartbeat against my back. “Ryuichi?”
“His name’s Sakuma Ryuichi, famous rock star, though he’ll never come here. That’s why I ordered you! You look exactly like him…” He nuzzles into my back. I’m shocked, is it ‘that’ Ryuichi that I’ve been sleeping with the past few days? He sighs, in bliss, probably. “Hey, Shuichi, right?” I nod. “I look like my brother, don’t I?” I nod once again, a bad feeling in my guts. I know it’s ‘that’ Ryuichi now, I remembered that I did, in fact, look like that man. Sirens were going off in my head as the word ‘danger’ flashed. “Well then, you can call me Yuki, and I get to call you Ryuichi. It’ll be okay…” He leans over and pushes me down.
“!! No!” My feeble arms couldn’t push him off as he kissed me. “Ryuichi must taste like strawberries as well!”
Before even thinking about the results, I scream, “No he doesn’t! He tastes like vanilla!” His eyes snap open, “What?” Opps, I said the wrong thing. “I mean…”
“No, how do you know what he tastes like?!” he pins me to the bed. “How?!”
“B-because…he was my client the past three days…” I start crying, fully expecting to be hit, I put my hands over my face, but I didn’t get hit. Ever so slowly, I part my fingers. Tatsuha looked thoughtful for a moment. His eyes focused back on me. “You’ve tasted Ryuichi-sama before…” I shrink back in fear, why does Yuki have such a crazy brother? Why do I have to be stuck with this crazy brother? He puts his head over mine. “Are you the uke?” I nod, not even daring to speak.
His creepy grin returns. “Then I HAVE to have you. If I take you, then I’ll be putting my dick in a place where Ryuichi-sama’s dick itself has once been!!” My eyes widen, at least it’s just sex. At least he’s not going to take me apart of something. Tatsuha was already undressing, looking at me with a predatory look in his eyes. I shiver; maybe this won’t be ‘just sex’.
I watched him undress. Well I might as well do this and get it over with. Since it’s Yuki’s brother, it can’t be that bad. I undid the bra strap and pushed my thongs down. He dropped his boxers to the floor, and looked at me. His cock was MASSIVE! Then again, Yuki’s was too; they ‘are’ brothers, so that’s normal, right?
He was stroking that ‘thing’, lovingly? He crawled on top of me again, and using my bra and thong, tied my hands to the headboard. “Hey!” He ignored me, and rubbed my nipples in circles. I just realized, my nipples and the area around them are a bit sore. I told Ryuichi that yesterday, he said that I’m growing ‘man-breasts’. Apparently it’s because I have a lot of estrogen. He pinches them, and rolls them back and forth between his index finger and thumb.
I gasp, I’m seeing stars now, it felt so good! But my chest kind of hurts now, my man-boobs are really sore. As I look down, I see why; they’re all red from the abuse they just went through.
He caresses my body, rubbing my torso and back, as if memorizing my body shape. He probably was though, actually. Hands reached my hips and suddenly started clawing at them viciously. I look up at him. “Wha?” He smirks, “I have to mark this body of yours.” Without warning, he pulled my balls and pressed my testes together. “AHHHH!!!!”
“You like this, don’t you,” I try to disagree with him, but of course, I can’t. Tatsuha IS very good at this! Instead, I let myself go, “Tatsuha?” I whisper. He was still grinding my testes together and looked down at me questioningly. “Can I really…call you Yuki? Just for tonight?” He grins close eyed. That must be a yes! “Yuukkiiiiiiiiii…” I moan out. I miss him so much! “I miss you!!” I panted, and look up at the face that I love tracing as that body of Yuki’s pounds into my ass.
Tatsuha licked my tip, and tried to dig into the slit. I grit my teeth. His head bobs up and down, and he closes his mouth around my entire length, which isn’t that long, but it still reached his throat. I want to do something too, I decide. This is ‘Yuki’ I’m doing this with. Trying to keep his mouth on my penis, which wasn’t hard- Tat was attaching his mouth to it- I get into a 69 with him. I found that I couldn’t deep-throat him, he’s simply too big! I settle for giving him small licks here and there, and try to get as much of it down my throat. Just under a quarter of his cock was hanging down my throat when I gag. Something was dripping, it was his dick, I decide, when I take it out of my mouth and see ‘stuff’ oozing out.
I knew what to do. I lapped it off hungrily and engulfed it again. He gropes my behind and plunges three fingers in. Ouch! My eyes widen and I tense around his penis and my ass clenches painfully. “Keep sucking me,” he tells me. But that’s so hard! He pulls his hand out, allowing me to catch my breath for a moment, and pushes back in. I start crying and whimpering. “Stop, my fingers and thumb are about the size of my dick.” Tatsuha continues exploring my insides and moaned. “Ryuichiiiiiiiii!! I’m gonna do you with no real lube!”
He stops and takes his penis out of my mouth, “Now that I’m all lubed up, I can take you!” He grins. I found myself twisted in the bedsheets on my knees, my arms still bound above my head. The head pushes in impatiently. Not too painful, I can take the head with no problem! Tatsuha was like, “No way, not gently Shu,” and shoves the whole thing in, up to the base. What? I scream, I can feel myself ripping apart, not too much though. My ass was numb, but once the blood came out, the passage and penis lost a lot of friction that was causing me pain.
Tatsuha grunts, “Ryu, you’re so slippery!” He thrusts mercilessly, not even giving me time to adapt. No, this isn’t my Yuki, he’s much more gentle than this beast who likes pointless rutting. He made all these strange noises, and I’m suddenly embarrassed. Do I make these sound whenever I like what Yuki does to me. I’m sure Yuki isn’t so loud in bed. He moans and bursts into me and stays up. I think he can still go another round, but I pretend to be asleep (Shu doesn’t know Yuki fucked him a second time when he was asleep).
He sighs and lay on top of me, still buried. Suddenly he got up and started moving in there again.
So in the end, I couldn’t even come. Tatsuha ISN’T Yuki. Yuki’s irreplaceable. The blond Yuki is the one whose name I like moaning.
---------
I sigh, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. I expected to be completely torn like droopy-eyes did to me. But in fact, the way he took me reminded me of Yuki; sometimes gentle, and suddenly turning rough. I buried my head into the pillows, thinking of Yuki. I had once again screamed Yuki’s name, but Tat didn’t seem to mind. Afterall, he had given me permission to say that, while he was moaning Ryuichi the entire time. That kind of hurt though. I don’t want to be confused with another person, no matter how famous or rich. I want to be my own person.
I turned my thoughts to Ryuichi. Did I resemble him that much? I turned to Tatsuha, and decided that I did. His eyes were still glazed and wide. We did it for three rounds. I wanted to sleep after the first, but he wouldn’t let me. He said that it should be more tiring for him, since he’s seme. But I don’t see how that’s possible, I feel like I’m going to sleep for a hundred years after that session. Tatsuha began viewing my hole as a sacred place once he was completely inside: moaning ‘tight’, ‘hot’, and other stuff like that. All the while saying that Ryuichi must feel like this too, of course.
Timeskip
Wednesday Feb 7
Looking up at the ceiling, there are dry tear streaks on my face. How many nights have passed like this? Has it been months yet? Years maybe? I can feel the blood leaving my body. My client just left. It was a woman, quite a wild one too. She used a strap-on dildo on me, and kept whispering words of love to me, telling me that she’ll come back. Crazy woman, she doesn’t love ME, she loves my body. And can’t she tell that I’m interested in men, not women?
I hate this place. I wish I could be like Tatsuha, who I met a couple months ago. He turns out to be very nice, just a ‘little’ wild in bed. He’s been in this business much longer than I have, doing what he’s been paid to do so often that he just does it almost without emotions. Of course, he acts like it feels very good for him too, but I know, he doesn’t really feel anymore, his heart is pretty much frozen over.
Ma just came in. He helped me to the washroom and started the bath. Carefully laying me down, he washed all the fluids that I was caked in off. He inspected my wounds. I’ve had so many clients by now, meaning I’ve also had various toys used on me too. The most popular being the vibrator and dildo, but rougher clients whip me. The evidence can be seen all over my body, but mainly concentrated on my back. Long, narrow scars, old and fresh, ran across my back. Some were thicker than others, and some were deeper. Ma told me last week that Akito made a new rule applying to only me. Since clients like whipping me so much, they’re still allowed to use whips on me, as long they don’t require stitches.
Ma rubs all sorts of antibiotics into me, and wraps me in gauze and bandages. I twist around so Ma has better access.
I remember when I first came here, it was in…probably November or December. I remember when I first started this job, how scared I was, looking at evil grinning faces hovering above me as they thrust and moan, but I lay there suffering. But I also remember my peaceful nights of gentler sex-maybe it can be called making love instead- with Yuki and Ryuichi, but that seems so far away now. They haven’t come to see me in a long time, or at least it seems like a long time to me. Did they get bored of me? I picture Yuki, his beautiful body shimmering with sweat in the moonlight as I sat on top of him and rode him. I could swear those nights felt like yesterday, when I caressed Yuki’s gorgeous six-pack- those hard abs that I sometimes kiss when he lies down while letting me do all the work in the lovemaking while he relaxed- the muscles in his arms flexing as he moved to wrap his arms around me. It all felt like yesterday.
Where are they, where’s Ryuichi…better yet, where’s Yuki?
-Flashback for Ryuichi, December, previous year-
“Ryu-chan, we’re going on tour! Did you hear from Kanone yet?” Noriko chirped, happy to be playing in front of millions once again. “Tickets already sold out for the first 11 nights!”
Ryuichi didn’t hear the part about tickets. All he could think of was the tour that he didn’t know about. I’m not going to be able to see Shuichi then! He remembered his precious Shu-chan, but of course, he can’t cancel. He would just have to go through with this, as his manager planned.
He replied, “Oh really? I didn’t know!” He took out Kumagoro and slapped on a trademark smile. “Kuma didn’t know either!” He closed his eyes in an arch. Cautiously, he added, “How long is the tour going to last?”
“Hmm, I don’t know yet, but it could be for months! You can shine for months, Ryu-chan, months!” Noriko was so excited, swinging her arms about in wild gestures.
“Then that means I won’t be seeing Shu for months…” Ryuichi thought, no excitement there.
End flashback
---------
Rolling around in the bed that Ma just set me into, I grab the remote and switch on the TV, bringing myself right to the literature channel. Tatsuha said Yuki is famous, so there must be something on him. But there was nothing. I press the guide button, and grid-like boxes popped up at me. I read the line I needed, “Interview with Yuki Eiri- 8:30 to 9:30 PM”, and inwardly smacked myself. I missed it, how could I? But Tats said Ryuichi is famous also, so I flipped to the music channel.
I propped myself up with my elbows, the blankets over my head, but I could still see the screen. Nothing yet, commercials were on. Suddenly a woman spoke. “And now, back to Nittle Grasper’s newest song! Our lead singer says that it was written by a new talent!” The camera swung over to the side, a man walked out of the shadows, indifference showed on his handsome features.
I gasped, Yuki! Yuki is a lyricist? I stopped thinking and started listening to the voice I loved so much.
“I normally don’t write lyrics, but this is written for someone very close to me,” Yuki’s deep baritone voice reached my ears, when a dreadful thought occurred to me. What if it’s for a girlfriend, or even boyfriend?
“Oh, is this person your girlfriend?” the woman batted her lashes at Yuki. Stop that, he’s MINE! I thought, I don’t care if I sound possessive!
Yuki didn’t reply, to the media’s- and my- dismay. He walked over to the VIP section and sat. The camera went back to the stage, darkened for suspense. Blue and orange lights suddenly flashed, flickering on and off a couple times before swinging side to side in unison. The crowd went wild, cheering, waving. Three figures walked in. The crowd went even nuttier, if that was possible. The two synthesizer players took their spots quickly, and music started.
Soon enough, the voice that I remembered moaning above me started singing in a wonderfully rich voice. I recognized it as Ryuichi’s right away.
“The motion of imprisonment in a bed of glass
that is first broken by the fumbling of a lady
a loose collection of feathers with a tail of soliday
that almost screams the innocence desired at night”
Wow, this is amazing, Ryuichi’s voice and Yuki’s writing talents. Even though they’re a bit too deep for me, I still love how intelligent they sound.
“Dancing through freedom and lies in the mood of depression
fragile puzzle pieces that break away from this course”
“Kiss shining, we're kissing in my eyes
Melting away even the flower petals in our way
Make me shining, changing into the most exciting colors
That first shone in a vision”
I look at the song name and giggle. I never thought Yuki would ever use the word ‘shining.” That’s a Ryuichi word!
“The field of view excels the dimension of panorama
a perfect mimesis that can only tremble
a cheap touch whose reaction is to look for secrets
you want to see them even if they are coldly obscene”
I’m sure this song is written for me now, Yuki referred to the person he wrote it for as someone very close- me, I’m very close to him. My insides melt. And better yet, Ryuichi’s singing it! My two favourite clients of all times worked on something together for me! I giggle, my pain briefly forgotten.
“A sea of gushing pleasure that alters the colors of the rainbow
that strikes into this world adding shadows to the fringed game”
I didn’t hear Ma come into the room. I didn’t know he was smiling, thinking, “I’m glad Shuichi’s smiling.” I didn’t know he left me alone to watch the loving words Yuki wrote for me spilling from Ryuichi’s lips. I’m suddenly sleepy, but I feel better now. I no longer feel so depressed that my favourites haven’t been visiting me, now that I know they’ve been busy, and I no longer feel like dying. My eyes fall shut and I miss the last few paragraphs, I was thinking, even though I saw you on TV, it’s still not as good as seeing you in person. Where are you? Visit me.
“I miss you…Yuki…Ryuichi…” I didn’t even know I mumbled this out loud, no one heard though, luckily, not even Ma.
“Kiss shining, imitating loneliness
Cutting into space with entwined regret
Make me shining, fragments of my scattered heart
A radiance that surpasses hope”
A slower paragraph started, it would have been Shuichi’s favourite, if he heard it.
“Red soaked fingertips dye the atmosphere with fluttering butterfly tears
And all is turned to sand... Shining, make you cry”
“Please don't cryin', imitating loneliness
Cutting into space with entwined regret
Make me shining, fragments of my scattered heart
A radiance that surpasses hope”
“I love…” my arms collapses, and my body following so afterwards, joining together in a sleeping position that his eyes already took.
-------------------
I know Ma is nice. But he’s so shy, saying that the cellphone that he just gave me is for my birthday, which is more than two months away. He just won’t admit it, but he just wants to give me a gift, not that I’m saying I don’t want it- it is a nice phone. Icha Icha Paradise doesn’t supply the whores who phones in their rooms. Akito is probably afraid that we’ll try to stir up an escape plan. Not that I’m surprised. Who would want to be stuck in this hellhole? But it’s too bad, I don’t know anyone’s phone number. I want to call Ryuichi and tell him that I heard his concert from my room last night, or call Yuki just for the sake of hearing his voice, and hear him calling me an annoying brat.
I also feel guilty. I was thinking of calling those two before I even thought of home, where Hiro and Tohma are. Opps, I forgot Suguru. I feel bad that I can’t remember our home phone number. But I can’t call anyone if I don’t have their numbers! Why won’t Yuki and Ryuichi come, I’m getting lonely, I know it, even though I’m always sleeping with all sorts of men. The two I want most haven’t come yet, especially when I need them most.
END OF CHAPTER FOUR
Part of this chapter was from the anime, where Shu first meets Tat.
This chapter is actually longer than chapter three- censored version, since it doesn’t have all those author’s notes that everyone hates so much!!
Up until now, this story has been pretty easy to write.
Next chapter: Up until now, this story has been pretty easy to write, but now, I’m getting kind of stuck. I’m thinking, what have I gotten myself into, writing this? But I’ll finish this, I just need help. There’re a number of things I could do here.
Bring Yuki and Ryuichi back to visit him and then what happens? I’m definitely going to bring them back though.
K comes and screws Shuichi, then tells Tohma that he’s safe?
Something else?
I’m gonna need quite a couple suggestions before I decide on one and update. So R&R guys! I’ll love you forever! (and dedicate the next chapter to you guys who reviewed this pathetic excuse of a chapter)
absolute-ecstasy
Disclaimer: I’ve been forgetting to do this!! I’ll never own Gravitation…
I’m just wondering…do any of you authors ever feel nervous when you open reviews and see how people react to your story? I get super nervous when I read mine, especially when this is my first story, people have never heard of me, so I don’t have any reputation like some authors that you just say their names and you’ll be like, “oh yeah, they wrote this story…”
For adultfanfic, when I read my story, there were all these symbols around the italic words. I was thinking this is crap!! How can I make the italics actually appear?
I’m not getting many reviews…please review to keep my confidence going and reviews help guide me!! I’ve been holding off the update, as well. Cuz I was expecting 3 reviews a chapter, but I didn’t get it. I was hoping there would be more reviews if I didn’t update yet, but no, there weren’t. It WAS a ‘bit’ disappointing.
No Shu does NOT like being a whore…he just likes being with Yuki and Ryuichi…Is that why hits went down? Does anyone even read this? Fine, I’ll shut up.
Chapter 4: Tearless
Wednesday Nov 7
-Shuichi POV-
My order with Ryuichi is already over, why isn’t Yuki here to pick me up yet?! I look around desperately, hoping to catch any signs of my blond man. Where is he?
---------
“A meeting right now, no I have something to do. Another time,” Yuki brushed off Mizuki’s request to see him.
“No! Yuki-san, you don’t understand! It’s not me who wants to see you, it’s your publisher!” Mizuki screamed into her cell phone, hoping to get the message that this is an important meeting, through Yuki’s thick skull.
Yuki turned the steering wheel, puffing on his cigarette. “Fuck the publishers, tell them another time.”
“Yuki! If you don’t come to this meeting, your next book might fail!”
“…” I guess I can see him another time. My book failing isn’t something I want though…He sighed, “Fine, where?”
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“Shuichi! Congratulations, you have another order at a high price!” Ma, so excited that he’s the caretaker of me, says. I turn to look at him in anticipation. Is it Yuki?!
Ma read my thoughts, he sighed. “Shuichi, it’s not him.”
My heart broke. How could he take me like that and just leave me? I started crying. How could he give me to other men that I didn’t know, and didn’t want? Ma looked at me with sad eyes. Holding my hand, he said, “This is something all the whores here go through. You have to toughen yourself up and accept it. The next customer is also from here, in fact, he works here as well. His name is Tatsuha. Heard of him?”
I pause. Tatsuha? “Is he the one that everyone says is cold and indifferent about everything? How is it possible that he’s my customer?”
Ma laughs, “He’s indifferent about his job, not about everything. He isn’t exactly cold either. And it’s possible for employees to buy each other. Everyone gets a share of the money they earn. You, in fact, already have a lot. You got $1 000 000 from Eiri-san (Ma doesn’t know it’s Yuki Eiri) and $2 000 000 from Kyousuke-san (or that it’s Sakuma Ryuichi). But that’s just a share of the total amount they paid for you. It’s easier for employees to have each other, since you don’t need as much respect to serve one of your ‘peers’.”
My mouth was in an O.
We walk into Tatsuha’s room. I gasp; it’s even fancier than mine! But I guess it’ll be his room we’re soiling, not mine. Well, it’s not like he cares though. I see a mop of black hair near the windows. Ma already left us to ourselves. Tatsuha turns. Both our eyes widen. I instantly thought, Yuki! You came for me, but what happened to your colours?
I walk up to him and I touch his face, staring at the one I’ve been thinking about in awe. Then I remember, it can’t be Yuki, Yuki doesn’t work here. But then, who’s this look alike? I whisper, “…Yu…ki?” He looks at me in surprise, then his expression softened. “You have then wrong person, kid. But I did have a brother that looked a lot like me, Eiri.”
I can’t believe it, I found Yuki’s brother. “Is it Yuki Eiri?! Is it?”
He looked at me, staring, “You know him…? My last name is Uesugi, not Yuki.”
I deflated, so they aren’t brothers. “Oh…yeah, he was my customer…!” Crap! I’m not supposed to say that! Now the headlines will have ‘Yuki Eiri spotted at Icha Icha.’ I smack my head. I’m SO sorry Yuki!!
Tatsuha was amused by my display of emotions, and suddenly decided to take me out of my misery. “I’m just joking, Yuki is his pen name, his real last name is Uesugi. Didn’t he ever tell you?” I just met someone unexpectedly linked to my past, this Shuichi… “I can’t believe he chose you though.”
I snap out of the shock of meeting this person, and the sadness that Yuki never told me this, when Tatsuha said this. “What’s that mean?! What’s wrong with him choosing me?”
“? Nothing. I’m just …surprised, that’s all.” What an unconvincing answer. I brush it aside, flopping onto his bed and crossing my arms, and pout.
“What’s with that look? Are you sad because I said that?” He comes closer to me, now sitting on the edge of the bed. I flop and face the opposite direction. He twitches, when his expression suddenly turns naughty. There was this ‘something’ in his voice when he talked to me next.
“Hey, do you know why I placed an order on you?” Not even giving a chance to answer, he jumped behind me and swung his arms around me. “Mmm, Ryuichi must feel like this too…” I was startled. I could feel his heartbeat against my back. “Ryuichi?”
“His name’s Sakuma Ryuichi, famous rock star, though he’ll never come here. That’s why I ordered you! You look exactly like him…” He nuzzles into my back. I’m shocked, is it ‘that’ Ryuichi that I’ve been sleeping with the past few days? He sighs, in bliss, probably. “Hey, Shuichi, right?” I nod. “I look like my brother, don’t I?” I nod once again, a bad feeling in my guts. I know it’s ‘that’ Ryuichi now, I remembered that I did, in fact, look like that man. Sirens were going off in my head as the word ‘danger’ flashed. “Well then, you can call me Yuki, and I get to call you Ryuichi. It’ll be okay…” He leans over and pushes me down.
“!! No!” My feeble arms couldn’t push him off as he kissed me. “Ryuichi must taste like strawberries as well!”
Before even thinking about the results, I scream, “No he doesn’t! He tastes like vanilla!” His eyes snap open, “What?” Opps, I said the wrong thing. “I mean…”
“No, how do you know what he tastes like?!” he pins me to the bed. “How?!”
“B-because…he was my client the past three days…” I start crying, fully expecting to be hit, I put my hands over my face, but I didn’t get hit. Ever so slowly, I part my fingers. Tatsuha looked thoughtful for a moment. His eyes focused back on me. “You’ve tasted Ryuichi-sama before…” I shrink back in fear, why does Yuki have such a crazy brother? Why do I have to be stuck with this crazy brother? He puts his head over mine. “Are you the uke?” I nod, not even daring to speak.
His creepy grin returns. “Then I HAVE to have you. If I take you, then I’ll be putting my dick in a place where Ryuichi-sama’s dick itself has once been!!” My eyes widen, at least it’s just sex. At least he’s not going to take me apart of something. Tatsuha was already undressing, looking at me with a predatory look in his eyes. I shiver; maybe this won’t be ‘just sex’.
I watched him undress. Well I might as well do this and get it over with. Since it’s Yuki’s brother, it can’t be that bad. I undid the bra strap and pushed my thongs down. He dropped his boxers to the floor, and looked at me. His cock was MASSIVE! Then again, Yuki’s was too; they ‘are’ brothers, so that’s normal, right?
He was stroking that ‘thing’, lovingly? He crawled on top of me again, and using my bra and thong, tied my hands to the headboard. “Hey!” He ignored me, and rubbed my nipples in circles. I just realized, my nipples and the area around them are a bit sore. I told Ryuichi that yesterday, he said that I’m growing ‘man-breasts’. Apparently it’s because I have a lot of estrogen. He pinches them, and rolls them back and forth between his index finger and thumb.
I gasp, I’m seeing stars now, it felt so good! But my chest kind of hurts now, my man-boobs are really sore. As I look down, I see why; they’re all red from the abuse they just went through.
He caresses my body, rubbing my torso and back, as if memorizing my body shape. He probably was though, actually. Hands reached my hips and suddenly started clawing at them viciously. I look up at him. “Wha?” He smirks, “I have to mark this body of yours.” Without warning, he pulled my balls and pressed my testes together. “AHHHH!!!!”
“You like this, don’t you,” I try to disagree with him, but of course, I can’t. Tatsuha IS very good at this! Instead, I let myself go, “Tatsuha?” I whisper. He was still grinding my testes together and looked down at me questioningly. “Can I really…call you Yuki? Just for tonight?” He grins close eyed. That must be a yes! “Yuukkiiiiiiiiii…” I moan out. I miss him so much! “I miss you!!” I panted, and look up at the face that I love tracing as that body of Yuki’s pounds into my ass.
Tatsuha licked my tip, and tried to dig into the slit. I grit my teeth. His head bobs up and down, and he closes his mouth around my entire length, which isn’t that long, but it still reached his throat. I want to do something too, I decide. This is ‘Yuki’ I’m doing this with. Trying to keep his mouth on my penis, which wasn’t hard- Tat was attaching his mouth to it- I get into a 69 with him. I found that I couldn’t deep-throat him, he’s simply too big! I settle for giving him small licks here and there, and try to get as much of it down my throat. Just under a quarter of his cock was hanging down my throat when I gag. Something was dripping, it was his dick, I decide, when I take it out of my mouth and see ‘stuff’ oozing out.
I knew what to do. I lapped it off hungrily and engulfed it again. He gropes my behind and plunges three fingers in. Ouch! My eyes widen and I tense around his penis and my ass clenches painfully. “Keep sucking me,” he tells me. But that’s so hard! He pulls his hand out, allowing me to catch my breath for a moment, and pushes back in. I start crying and whimpering. “Stop, my fingers and thumb are about the size of my dick.” Tatsuha continues exploring my insides and moaned. “Ryuichiiiiiiiii!! I’m gonna do you with no real lube!”
He stops and takes his penis out of my mouth, “Now that I’m all lubed up, I can take you!” He grins. I found myself twisted in the bedsheets on my knees, my arms still bound above my head. The head pushes in impatiently. Not too painful, I can take the head with no problem! Tatsuha was like, “No way, not gently Shu,” and shoves the whole thing in, up to the base. What? I scream, I can feel myself ripping apart, not too much though. My ass was numb, but once the blood came out, the passage and penis lost a lot of friction that was causing me pain.
Tatsuha grunts, “Ryu, you’re so slippery!” He thrusts mercilessly, not even giving me time to adapt. No, this isn’t my Yuki, he’s much more gentle than this beast who likes pointless rutting. He made all these strange noises, and I’m suddenly embarrassed. Do I make these sound whenever I like what Yuki does to me. I’m sure Yuki isn’t so loud in bed. He moans and bursts into me and stays up. I think he can still go another round, but I pretend to be asleep (Shu doesn’t know Yuki fucked him a second time when he was asleep).
He sighs and lay on top of me, still buried. Suddenly he got up and started moving in there again.
So in the end, I couldn’t even come. Tatsuha ISN’T Yuki. Yuki’s irreplaceable. The blond Yuki is the one whose name I like moaning.
---------
I sigh, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. I expected to be completely torn like droopy-eyes did to me. But in fact, the way he took me reminded me of Yuki; sometimes gentle, and suddenly turning rough. I buried my head into the pillows, thinking of Yuki. I had once again screamed Yuki’s name, but Tat didn’t seem to mind. Afterall, he had given me permission to say that, while he was moaning Ryuichi the entire time. That kind of hurt though. I don’t want to be confused with another person, no matter how famous or rich. I want to be my own person.
I turned my thoughts to Ryuichi. Did I resemble him that much? I turned to Tatsuha, and decided that I did. His eyes were still glazed and wide. We did it for three rounds. I wanted to sleep after the first, but he wouldn’t let me. He said that it should be more tiring for him, since he’s seme. But I don’t see how that’s possible, I feel like I’m going to sleep for a hundred years after that session. Tatsuha began viewing my hole as a sacred place once he was completely inside: moaning ‘tight’, ‘hot’, and other stuff like that. All the while saying that Ryuichi must feel like this too, of course.
Timeskip
Wednesday Feb 7
Looking up at the ceiling, there are dry tear streaks on my face. How many nights have passed like this? Has it been months yet? Years maybe? I can feel the blood leaving my body. My client just left. It was a woman, quite a wild one too. She used a strap-on dildo on me, and kept whispering words of love to me, telling me that she’ll come back. Crazy woman, she doesn’t love ME, she loves my body. And can’t she tell that I’m interested in men, not women?
I hate this place. I wish I could be like Tatsuha, who I met a couple months ago. He turns out to be very nice, just a ‘little’ wild in bed. He’s been in this business much longer than I have, doing what he’s been paid to do so often that he just does it almost without emotions. Of course, he acts like it feels very good for him too, but I know, he doesn’t really feel anymore, his heart is pretty much frozen over.
Ma just came in. He helped me to the washroom and started the bath. Carefully laying me down, he washed all the fluids that I was caked in off. He inspected my wounds. I’ve had so many clients by now, meaning I’ve also had various toys used on me too. The most popular being the vibrator and dildo, but rougher clients whip me. The evidence can be seen all over my body, but mainly concentrated on my back. Long, narrow scars, old and fresh, ran across my back. Some were thicker than others, and some were deeper. Ma told me last week that Akito made a new rule applying to only me. Since clients like whipping me so much, they’re still allowed to use whips on me, as long they don’t require stitches.
Ma rubs all sorts of antibiotics into me, and wraps me in gauze and bandages. I twist around so Ma has better access.
I remember when I first came here, it was in…probably November or December. I remember when I first started this job, how scared I was, looking at evil grinning faces hovering above me as they thrust and moan, but I lay there suffering. But I also remember my peaceful nights of gentler sex-maybe it can be called making love instead- with Yuki and Ryuichi, but that seems so far away now. They haven’t come to see me in a long time, or at least it seems like a long time to me. Did they get bored of me? I picture Yuki, his beautiful body shimmering with sweat in the moonlight as I sat on top of him and rode him. I could swear those nights felt like yesterday, when I caressed Yuki’s gorgeous six-pack- those hard abs that I sometimes kiss when he lies down while letting me do all the work in the lovemaking while he relaxed- the muscles in his arms flexing as he moved to wrap his arms around me. It all felt like yesterday.
Where are they, where’s Ryuichi…better yet, where’s Yuki?
-Flashback for Ryuichi, December, previous year-
“Ryu-chan, we’re going on tour! Did you hear from Kanone yet?” Noriko chirped, happy to be playing in front of millions once again. “Tickets already sold out for the first 11 nights!”
Ryuichi didn’t hear the part about tickets. All he could think of was the tour that he didn’t know about. I’m not going to be able to see Shuichi then! He remembered his precious Shu-chan, but of course, he can’t cancel. He would just have to go through with this, as his manager planned.
He replied, “Oh really? I didn’t know!” He took out Kumagoro and slapped on a trademark smile. “Kuma didn’t know either!” He closed his eyes in an arch. Cautiously, he added, “How long is the tour going to last?”
“Hmm, I don’t know yet, but it could be for months! You can shine for months, Ryu-chan, months!” Noriko was so excited, swinging her arms about in wild gestures.
“Then that means I won’t be seeing Shu for months…” Ryuichi thought, no excitement there.
End flashback
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Rolling around in the bed that Ma just set me into, I grab the remote and switch on the TV, bringing myself right to the literature channel. Tatsuha said Yuki is famous, so there must be something on him. But there was nothing. I press the guide button, and grid-like boxes popped up at me. I read the line I needed, “Interview with Yuki Eiri- 8:30 to 9:30 PM”, and inwardly smacked myself. I missed it, how could I? But Tats said Ryuichi is famous also, so I flipped to the music channel.
I propped myself up with my elbows, the blankets over my head, but I could still see the screen. Nothing yet, commercials were on. Suddenly a woman spoke. “And now, back to Nittle Grasper’s newest song! Our lead singer says that it was written by a new talent!” The camera swung over to the side, a man walked out of the shadows, indifference showed on his handsome features.
I gasped, Yuki! Yuki is a lyricist? I stopped thinking and started listening to the voice I loved so much.
“I normally don’t write lyrics, but this is written for someone very close to me,” Yuki’s deep baritone voice reached my ears, when a dreadful thought occurred to me. What if it’s for a girlfriend, or even boyfriend?
“Oh, is this person your girlfriend?” the woman batted her lashes at Yuki. Stop that, he’s MINE! I thought, I don’t care if I sound possessive!
Yuki didn’t reply, to the media’s- and my- dismay. He walked over to the VIP section and sat. The camera went back to the stage, darkened for suspense. Blue and orange lights suddenly flashed, flickering on and off a couple times before swinging side to side in unison. The crowd went wild, cheering, waving. Three figures walked in. The crowd went even nuttier, if that was possible. The two synthesizer players took their spots quickly, and music started.
Soon enough, the voice that I remembered moaning above me started singing in a wonderfully rich voice. I recognized it as Ryuichi’s right away.
“The motion of imprisonment in a bed of glass
that is first broken by the fumbling of a lady
a loose collection of feathers with a tail of soliday
that almost screams the innocence desired at night”
Wow, this is amazing, Ryuichi’s voice and Yuki’s writing talents. Even though they’re a bit too deep for me, I still love how intelligent they sound.
“Dancing through freedom and lies in the mood of depression
fragile puzzle pieces that break away from this course”
“Kiss shining, we're kissing in my eyes
Melting away even the flower petals in our way
Make me shining, changing into the most exciting colors
That first shone in a vision”
I look at the song name and giggle. I never thought Yuki would ever use the word ‘shining.” That’s a Ryuichi word!
“The field of view excels the dimension of panorama
a perfect mimesis that can only tremble
a cheap touch whose reaction is to look for secrets
you want to see them even if they are coldly obscene”
I’m sure this song is written for me now, Yuki referred to the person he wrote it for as someone very close- me, I’m very close to him. My insides melt. And better yet, Ryuichi’s singing it! My two favourite clients of all times worked on something together for me! I giggle, my pain briefly forgotten.
“A sea of gushing pleasure that alters the colors of the rainbow
that strikes into this world adding shadows to the fringed game”
I didn’t hear Ma come into the room. I didn’t know he was smiling, thinking, “I’m glad Shuichi’s smiling.” I didn’t know he left me alone to watch the loving words Yuki wrote for me spilling from Ryuichi’s lips. I’m suddenly sleepy, but I feel better now. I no longer feel so depressed that my favourites haven’t been visiting me, now that I know they’ve been busy, and I no longer feel like dying. My eyes fall shut and I miss the last few paragraphs, I was thinking, even though I saw you on TV, it’s still not as good as seeing you in person. Where are you? Visit me.
“I miss you…Yuki…Ryuichi…” I didn’t even know I mumbled this out loud, no one heard though, luckily, not even Ma.
“Kiss shining, imitating loneliness
Cutting into space with entwined regret
Make me shining, fragments of my scattered heart
A radiance that surpasses hope”
A slower paragraph started, it would have been Shuichi’s favourite, if he heard it.
“Red soaked fingertips dye the atmosphere with fluttering butterfly tears
And all is turned to sand... Shining, make you cry”
“Please don't cryin', imitating loneliness
Cutting into space with entwined regret
Make me shining, fragments of my scattered heart
A radiance that surpasses hope”
“I love…” my arms collapses, and my body following so afterwards, joining together in a sleeping position that his eyes already took.
-------------------
I know Ma is nice. But he’s so shy, saying that the cellphone that he just gave me is for my birthday, which is more than two months away. He just won’t admit it, but he just wants to give me a gift, not that I’m saying I don’t want it- it is a nice phone. Icha Icha Paradise doesn’t supply the whores who phones in their rooms. Akito is probably afraid that we’ll try to stir up an escape plan. Not that I’m surprised. Who would want to be stuck in this hellhole? But it’s too bad, I don’t know anyone’s phone number. I want to call Ryuichi and tell him that I heard his concert from my room last night, or call Yuki just for the sake of hearing his voice, and hear him calling me an annoying brat.
I also feel guilty. I was thinking of calling those two before I even thought of home, where Hiro and Tohma are. Opps, I forgot Suguru. I feel bad that I can’t remember our home phone number. But I can’t call anyone if I don’t have their numbers! Why won’t Yuki and Ryuichi come, I’m getting lonely, I know it, even though I’m always sleeping with all sorts of men. The two I want most haven’t come yet, especially when I need them most.
END OF CHAPTER FOUR
Part of this chapter was from the anime, where Shu first meets Tat.
This chapter is actually longer than chapter three- censored version, since it doesn’t have all those author’s notes that everyone hates so much!!
Up until now, this story has been pretty easy to write.
Next chapter: Up until now, this story has been pretty easy to write, but now, I’m getting kind of stuck. I’m thinking, what have I gotten myself into, writing this? But I’ll finish this, I just need help. There’re a number of things I could do here.
Bring Yuki and Ryuichi back to visit him and then what happens? I’m definitely going to bring them back though.
K comes and screws Shuichi, then tells Tohma that he’s safe?
Something else?
I’m gonna need quite a couple suggestions before I decide on one and update. So R&R guys! I’ll love you forever! (and dedicate the next chapter to you guys who reviewed this pathetic excuse of a chapter)
absolute-ecstasy