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Learning to Land	By : Suteishichic Category: Prince of Tennis/Tennis no Ohjisama > General Views: 11419 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis (Tennis no Ohjisama), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Learning to Land. Chapter Forty Five ~Shishido~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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The next night, Thursday night, Ohtori shocked and disappointed him. As his heart sank, Shishido berated himself for not realizing that it wouldn't last. They had just finished going over things when Taki stood up at the same time Ohtori did to put his things away intheir room. Taki turned to Shishido before following Ohtori into their room and said, "Don't give him a hard time Shishido. He said he's tired and going to sleep early tonight. You're keeping him up. He can't stay up like you can."

Shishido shrugged in response because he was too shocked, hurt, and disappointed to think of something coherent to say. Why Ohtori hadn't said a word about any of this to him, he had no idea. He worried that maybe last night, holding his hand was too far, too fast, and then he thought that maybe Ohtori didn't want to do this anymore. Maybe he felt it was wrong because they were both guys, and he didn't know how to tell Shishido. Maybe Ohtori had decided he didn't like Shishido after all. Shishido thought through it all and it hurt him.

It hurt like an ache centered in his chest as if he had been punched there. He went to brush his teeth and get ready for bed although he knew that there was no way sleep would come now. He decided that he would not sit out in the main room tonight or for a while until he could do so without missing Ohtori. He had a silly notion that he might not sit out there ever again, although he realized he would have to occasionally so Taki wouldn't know he was upset, and so Ohtori didn't feel guilty. He really couldn't blame Ohtori, and didn't want to make him feel bad.

You can't make someone have feelings for you.

As Shishido thought that, he found he was gripping the side of the sink in the bathroom with his head hanging down and his eyes closed. He was really hurt, and knew he would be for a very long time. But he wouldn't show anyone. No. It would be another Hyoutei hurt and disappointment to get used to, and he wondered not for the first time how many he had to endure. How many did it take before he got the hint knocked into his thick skull that he wasn't wanted there. He didn't belong. He had first thought it seriously when his brother left and then again after he left Atobe. If Shishido gave up, left, and started over, he wondered again if it would be better. A fresh start, while technically running away, was occasionally an appealing option and might be a brave thing to try. A knock at the door kept him from thinking any further towards the feasibility of that path, and from feeling any more sorry for himself.

Ohtori was standing there, again looking at Shishido as if he adored him. Or maybe he just felt sorry for him. For Shishido being so stupid. Shishido felt hurt and confused, and reminded himself not to lash out verbally at Ohtori because Shishido's feelings were hurt. He carefully tried to keep his face neutral, but Ohtori must have seen through even his most practiced Hyoutei mask. It was just too raw and fresh a hurt to completely hide. Ohtori looked...almost stricken and whispered, "Oh god. You...you didn't drink any water, Shishido-san?" Whatever he thought Ohtori was going to say, it wasn't that. True they normally had water every night after they went over the Hyoutei things, Shishido made sure to offer him some after that first night when Ohtori had been dehydrated. Ohtori though had walked away too fast for him to offer tonight, and what the hell did that have to do with anything?

"Did...you want some water?" Shishido asked him, utterly perplexed.

Ohtori shook his head no and said softly in a whisper, "Please Shishido-san, please go drink some water...when Taki isn't looking."

"Ohtori!" Taki barked from their bedroom door, "What are you doing? I told you that you have to get into bed right after you take the pill because you'll pass out. You're too big for me to carry to bed!"

Ohtori smiled at Taki and looked incredibly innocent, "Sorry Taki-san, I need to use the washroom before I sleep. I'll be right in." Ohtori pushed past a surprised and befuddled Shishido, and went into the room where the toilet was. "Shishido-san...water...please..." he begged in a whisper, and closed the door behind him.

Shishido walked out shaking his head in confusion. He went to walk to his room until Taki went away before getting the water Ohtori asked him to. Still, he was furious at Taki and he couldn't resist asking, because he felt rather annoyed and disgusted, "You gave him a sleeping pill?"

"Ohtori told me he was tired, and hasn't been able to sleep. I told Atobe," Taki looked enormously pleased with this.

Shishido inwardly groaned at that. But in response to Taki, heshrugged as he went into his room. He was tempted to rub in Taki's face that Shishido was big enough and strong enough to carry Ohtori if he had to. Shishido had to fight to suppress the jealous urge to say it. He saw Taki standing by the couch as if waiting for Ohtori. Shishido wondered if Taki took a sleeping pill also. He hoped he did because he suddenly remembered Taki kissing a passed out Ohtori once before, and even snaking his hand down to touch him.

Shishido decided he couldn't wait. He went to get the water because Ohtori had insisted on how important it was for some unknown reason. The entire thing was strange and felt wrong. Shishido was hurt, jealous, confused, annoyed, and getting angry. If Taki saw something he wasn't supposed to, Shishido knew he could put him in his place. Whatever the hell Taki wasn't supposed to see when he went to get water. What the hell?

One of the bottles on his shelf was a different kind than he usually bought. It was behind all the others. There was a piece of paper that looked like a store receipt wrapped around it with an elastic band securing it as if he marked it as something of his so no one else would touch it. Shishido's name was written on it and it looked at first glance as if it was his handwriting, but he knew it wasn't his. Close enough to his ownthat it surprised him and made him wonder. He picked up the bottle and casually went to his room with it right past Taki. He closed the door and opened the note wrapped around the bottle. It was written lightly in pencil and it looked much like his handwriting but still wasn't his. Ohtori must have picked up enough from seeing his notes to copy his writing very, very closely.

It said in English, "I answer fiften minut after bed. We go to bed." Shishido looked at it twice and had no idea what it meant. Was he supposed to go to bed and Ohtori would explain in fifteen minutes or would Ohtori explain fifteen minutes after he went to bed? Who was we? Ohtori and Taki? Everyone? It was baffling. Yeah, Ohtori probably kept it vague in case Taki noticed and maybe he had limited time to think of what to say but seriously, Ohtori's English needed work. Perhaps Imoo-sensei's smell was gassing Ohtori out too much after all during English class. The only thing that made him feel better is he didn't believe Ohtori would go through all this bother if he just wanted to tell Shishido he only wanted to be friends, or that he didn't want to touch him anymore. At least Shishido hoped this was the case.

Shishido paced for a few moments and then got his things together for the next day. He started cleaning his room while he waited. He kept it fairly neat because he hated not being able to find something. Shishido remade the bed and changed his sheets. They were another gift from Atobe who liked sheets that felt as thick as parade ribbons and as soft as silk. Shishido hated the color of these, a deep scarlet red that he told Atobe they made him feel as if he was sleeping a brothel. Not that he knew what a brothel looked like, but he imagined a posh one would also have sheets like this in this color. He had just finished putting his black comforter on when there was a very soft knock at his door. Ohtori to Shishido's surprise opened the door before he reached it and gestured as if to see if Shishido would invite him in. Shishido nodded and Ohtori slipped inside and shut his door behind him. He glanced around and noticed the water bottle without its note. Ohtori sagged as if in relief, "Oh good, you got my note."

Shishido smiled, "Yes, but I'm not at all sure what you meant." He explained the various possibilities that the vague note suggested. Shishido finished with the, We goto bed part saying all its various meanings, and expected Ohtori to blush at the suggestions. To his surprise, Ohtori didn't blush, he instead smiled. Shishido smiled back at him, "Ohtori, your English needs some work."

"Good," Ohtori smiled more but it was that knowing smile, the one he had on the couch before he kissed Shishido that time after he had been drinking. Shishido wondered if Ohtori had been drinking and if that was why he was suddenly acting so bold. "Maybe you can help me, Shishido-senpai?" Ohtori suggested and made the school suggestion suddenly sound as if learning English was a sexual thing. Shishido wanted Ohtori comfortable yes, but he was acting very out of character. His suspicions were confirmed when Ohtori said, "May I sit down, Shishido-san?" Shishido nodded and expected Ohtori to sit at his desk chair. It was the only chair in the room. Instead Ohtori walked past him, making sure to slowly brush against Shishido and sat on his bed. Ohtori looked down at his hands in his lap.

Shishido had again the sense that something was wrong, and it felt now as if Ohtori was hesitating to tell him something. "Shishido-san?" Ohtori said and sounded a little quieter, "Will you sit by me?"

Shishido sat by him but away from him so that they were not close or touching. "Choutarou, what's going on?" Shishido said his given name again to be certain he had his attention. Ohtori looked up and directly at him as if hearing his given name surprised him as well. Ohtori looked upset and seemed as if he was trying to hide it. Shishido had often noticed that Ohtori had some completely unguarded moments where he looked as if he needed a hug or to be held close. At first it had very much annoyed Shishido how often he found himself almost reaching out to hold him when he looked this way, but for the first time, Shishido didn't hesitate to touch him. "Hey, are you all right?" Shishido said as he often had but this time he put his hand on Ohtori's shoulder.

"I...I'm fine Shishido-san, but...I did something stupid and I really hope you won't be angry with me." Ohtori looked crushed, and then down again.

"Hey, It'll be okay. Just talk to me." Shishido suddenly worried, "You took a sleeping pill? Do you feel sick from it?"

Ohtori shook his head no, "No, I didn't take one. I only pretended to. Taki took one and he won't wake up until morning."

"Taki said you told him you haven't been sleeping very well lately. That you're tired. He went and told that to Ato..."

Ohtori strangely cut Shishido off, "I know. I'm so sorry, Shishido-san."

"Ohtori, I'm not mad or anything, but I don't want you to miss sleep just because I'm up. I do like watching the show with you, but we can always do that. You own it and we both live here. There's no need to hurry and see so much at once, not if you're tired." Shishido as he said this worried that maybe Ohtori would be so tired that he could risk getting dropped back to the masses before he was inducted. He would have to move back with everyone else. Away from Shishido, and just when things were going well for Ohtori. That would be terrible and Shishido worried how Ohtori would take such a loss, but then he considered that he had taken a much greater loss and seemed on the verge of recovering.

"Shishido-san, that's not why I've had trouble sleeping lately, but I'm fine. I can handle it." Ohtori looked at him and looked again upset. "Please. You can't be angry and you don't need to do anything."

Shishido was frustrated, "Tell me what's going on then." Ohtori looked stricken and Shishido had no idea why but could say this, "I can't promise not to be mad until I know what's up, so just tell me." Shishido had a thought, "You do trust me, don't you?" This was Hyoutei after all and generally speaking, the less people Ohtori trusted secrets to the better. Shishido was a little hurt that he was not an exception to the rule though.

"I trust you completely Shishido-san. You're the only person I trust so its not that its just..." Ohtori's face slowly turned crimson and his hands went into fists. "It's...it's really embarrassing." Ohtori took a deep breath, "Okay, I can't sleep because I think Taki has been touching me when I'm asleep. It's hard for me to fall asleep and relax because I wasn't sure if he really was or if I kept dreaming it." Ohtori looked up at Shishido, "But I don't want it to happen. Not with him. I've told him I'm not interested in him and...I don't think I am dreaming it."

Shishido was furious. Coldly furious. He wanted to go across the hall and throttle Taki so that he never dared to go near Ohtori again. Shishido was also angry at himself for not seeing this coming. While he had been sweet and letting things between him and Ohtori progress naturally, Taki apparently decided to take matters into his own hands. Shishido only kept himself calm because he had a sense that if he got upset, Ohtori would also. Ohtori needed him calm. "Wait a minute, I don't want to get upset, all right?" Ohtori nodded and Shishido took a breath, "The most recent dream, can you describe it? What happened?"

Ohtori flopped down on his back with his feet still on the floor. He covered his face with his hand as if shielding it from the light in the room but Shishido could see he was embarrassed more than anything. He realized it was hard for a guy to be so vulnerable. "Last night..." Ohtori started. Shishido lay down next to him on his side resting his head against his hand. He gave Ohtori space to talk and not feel Shishido would take advantage of him, especially when he was vulnerable. Not like that bastard Taki. "I usually sleep on my back but lately, because of this, I've been sleeping on my side, facing the wall. Its more natural for me to sleep on my back though so I must have rolled over. I was really asleep. It was early morning, and I had a dream that someone was kissing my neck and my ear." Ohtori looked over at Shishido and stared at the neck of his shirt as if worried to meet his eyes. He was blushing, but not nearly as much as he normally would. "I...I wanted it to be you Shishido-san, in my dream it was you kissing me and...touching me, but it didn't feel...I don't know...it just didn't feel right so I turned back on my side and went back to sleep." Ohtori met Shishido's eyes. "I thought it was a dream, but a dream wouldn't do this..." Ohtori turned his head away and moved his hair from where it fell on his neck. There was a very dark, very small hickey there. "...and neither would you Shishido-san. You would never do that to someone who was asleep."

Shishido was angry and surprised. He tried to keep it from showing because he didn't want Ohtori upset. "Hell no. And I certainly wouldn't if you told me you weren't interested." Then Shishido remembered something else Ohtori had said, "He touched you too?"

Ohtori looked away, blushed, and nodded, "I think so. I don't know what is real and what was a dream anymore."

"You know I want to kill him, right?" Shishido said not really joking. The thought of Taki doing those things to Ohtori while he was vulnerable and asleep was enraging.

Ohtori looked surprised at him and begged, "Please, Shishido-san, please let me handle it. It won't happen again. I just...I'm sorry...I needed to tell someone and I...wanted you to know because I worried if I sat with you on the couch you might see it and think that..." Ohtori finished with a gesture of his hands, "And I did a really stupid thing this morning. I wasn't sure if it really had happened, I thought it was just anotherdream, and I hadn't seen my neck yet. Taki asked me how I slept, he always does, and I told him I had awful dreams and slept terrible. He blamed it on staying up and watching the show with you, and I felt so embarrassed, and didn't correct him. Then I saw my neck after I showered and wasn't sure what to say to him, but I will, Shishido-san. Please, don't say anything. Please, let me handle it."

"I'm sorry. I can't. Not completely." Ohtori looked surprised. "Taki went and complained to Ato..." Ohtori put his fingertips on Shishido's mouth. He did it and Shishido rememberedOhtori verbally cutting him off the last time he went to mention Atobe's name. He knew Ohtori had probably heard the rumors and guessed he didn't want to hear Shishido say Atobe's name. Not even in light of their current conversation. The thing was, Ohtori kept his fingers on Shishido's lips and they just shared a long look at each other as if they each were daring the other to do something else.

Shishido wanted to kiss him. He wanted to take these new bad memories away and protect him. He wanted to be the one kissing Ohtori and maybe even touching him too, but this was not the time. So he took Ohtori's hand away from his lips but held it in his own. Shishido's heart was racing even from this little bit of touching. He was suddenly very aware that they were both laying on his bed. Shishido asked, "You're certain Taki is asleep?"

Ohtori nodded and looked surprised at the question. Shishido looked at him and wondered how Ohtori was sure. Ohtori said, "I tried to wake him before I left the room to come here. He's out. I'm certain. He won't wake until the morning. I thought if I could get him to take one of his pills he wouldn't wake me up, and I could sleep without him bothering me, but it backfired because he called...the Vice Captain and wrongly blamed you."

Shishido said, "Trust me, all right? I'll handle...the Vice Captain now and you can handle Taki tomorrow."

Ohtori didn't like it but he agreed, "Yes Shishido-san, but what will you say?"

Shishido shrugged, he had no idea but it would come to him. It was the right thing to do. He had an idea, "Stay and listen. I'll call him now, but Choutarou, if Taki ever touches you again or gives you any problems you have to let me handle it from now on. It stops now. It never happens again. Promise me?"

Ohtori hung his head, "I promise, Shishido-san. I'm so sorry."

"You did nothing wrong, there's nothing to be sorry for. Let me call..." Shishido was determined not to say Atobe's name as it seemed to bother Ohtori who was upset enough, "...before it gets too late."

Shishido got his cell phone and dialed. He had to pause to remember the number for a moment. It had been a long time since he called this number of Atobe's, his personal one. Atobe answered the phone and said nothing, so after a short pause Shishido figured he was in shock at seeing Shishido's number come up. Shishido tucked a strand of hair behind his ear without realizing it and said, "Hey."

"Good evening. I do hope you're not calling me to get involved or asking me for a favor." Yeah, Shishido knew then Atobe was in shock but able to rapidly recover as only Atobe could.

"Never." Shishido said and had to keep from smiling or saying Atobe's name with Ohtori watching.

"Good. So how are things at home? As bad as Taki was making them out to be? Are you cruelly keeping the boy up all hours of the night and robbing him of his precious sleep?" Atobe said it bitterly and it sounded like he was smirking and walking at the same time. Shishido figured he was walking away from whoever was listening on Atobe's end.

"Things are fine, and being handled." Shishido said meaning it. "You won't need to get involved."

"Really? So Ohtori isn't tired?" Atobe was after something.

"No. He's fine." There was a pause as if Atobe was waiting for Shishido to confess something. He had nothing to confess.

"I'm so glad to hear he's fine." Atobe paused again, "Though you might want to check his shoulder when you get a chance. It's bothering him." Shishido forgot for an instant Ohtori was there and dropped his jaw. Atobe was not finished yet, "You didn't know? Then I expect now that you do know, you'll tell me if its more serious than it appears."

"I will. Thanks."

They got off the phone. Atobe said a simple goodnight, and Shishido ended the call. He turned to Ohtori. "Everything's fine, but what's wrong with your shoulder?"

Ohtori looked surprised. "Nothing." Shishido gave him a hard look and Ohtori shrugged, "Really, it's nothing Shishido-san. I slept wrong on it because I've been sleeping on my side, and it's a little stiff. It's better."

"Can I see?" Shishido asked worried.

Ohtori nodded and sat up facing him. Without being asked, he took his shirt off over his head in one easy quick motion, and rubbed the part that must have hurt with his hand. Shishido tried to not be distracted by the fact that now Ohtori was sitting on his bed, shirtless and nearly naked.

Shishido put his hands softly on his skin, feeling where he had touched himself and looking for something out of place. He found a tense knot in the muscles there and kept searching. "Sore here?"

"A...little." Ohtori said and sounded odd, a little rough. Shishido tried to forget that he was touching Ohtori's bare skin with his hands, and had to concentrate on Ohtori being hurt or in pain to stave off any inappropriate sexual thoughts.

"Yes or no? Here?" Another knot. He had to be in pain and Shishido was annoyed that Ohtori hadn't said anything to him before.

"Yes..." It came out in a soft whisper. Shishido again had to keep from looking at him.

Shishido moved his hand over Ohtori's shoulder to his back and checked. "Anything here?" Ohtori moved his hand to Shishido's cheek in a soft caress much like he had on the couch the night before. He moved his hand over to Shishido's jaw softly but insistently so that Shishido looked directly at him. Shishido wasn't aware until that moment how close they were to each other. How close their mouths were to each other. Ohtori must have brushed his teeth recently because again his breath smelled sweet and like peppermint. Shishido without realizing it tucked a strand of hair behind his other ear and licked his lips because they had suddenly gone dry. He only noticed that he licked his lips because Ohtori glanced down to watch him put his tongue back into his mouth. Shishido wanted to kick himself for doing that lick, and tried to keep in control so he didn't take advantage of Ohtori, "Does...anything else hurt?"

Ohtori went to shake his head slowly no and then shook his head yes. He smiled slightly and looked like he wanted to laugh.

"I'm serious." Shishido said and tried to sound annoyed, but he was half-smiling now too. They both sat there smiling stupidly at each other; both tried not to crack up laughing.

Ohtori broke first and did so with a snort. That was all it took for Shishido to laugh really hard right along with him. Ohtori slumped over laughing into Shishido's chest. Shishido fell across his back laughing harder than he could remember. His laughter soon faded, sooner than Ohtori's, as he felt Ohtori's skin against his face. His skin was soft and warm and perfect with a smell like soap and guy that made Shishido almost weak with wanting to taste it. He wanted to run his hands across his smooth skin, to feel the fine soft blond hairs that lightly covered him everywhere, and then follow his hands feelingOhtori's skin with his lips and his tongue. If there was an image of a perfect, muscular, built body and back that a bodybuilder struggled to achieve through hours upon hours of work and training Ohtori had it, apparently naturally. Shishido's heart raced and his breath came a little hard. He worried that Ohtori now laying in his lap and still laughing would feel Shishido's growing erection. He noticed Ohtori had stopped laughing and Shishido desperately tried to distract them both as a long sexually tense silence dragged out between them.

He figured the best way was with humor, "Ohtori, did you just...snort?" Shishido asked and laughed a little remembering. He straightened himself up from where he had been laying across Ohtori's strong back and soft skin.

Ohtori covered his face with his hands, laughing again, "Yes..." He said sounding muffled and laughed a little harder. "Oh god--I did." He laughed even more and made Shishido laugh more by his reaction. Still covering his blushing face in his hands, Ohtori sat up, "I'm sorry I..."

"No, don't be sorry. That was the sexiest thing I've ever seen." Shishido said and laughed a little more. "You know Choutarou, I've kissed quite a few people and...hmm...let me think...no...no one has ever snorted before. Yeah, that was...really...hot..." Shishido was laughing so hard now he couldn't say anything else.

Ohtori fell back on the bed laughing and kept his hands covering his face. He was shaking with laughter as if he couldn't speak either. After a few moments he said, "Oh god, I'm so embarrassed!" They both laughed a while longer. Shishido tried to take Ohtori's hands away but he wouldn't move them and Shishido worried he had made too much fun of him. It was funny, but he didn't want Ohtori to be embarrassed or feel stupid.

Shishido watched him for a moment until he couldn't stand it anymore. His heart was beating so fast and loud he was sure Ohtori could probably hear it. He decided to take a chance. Without realizing it he tucked his hair behind his ear and said, "So, it hurts just here?" He softly pressed his lips against Ohtori's naked shoulder where it hurt in a kiss. He kissed there again and licked his skin gently, finally tasting him. Shishido kissed and licked his way to the other area that he had felt was in a tight knot, "And here?" He kissed there again. "Is there anywhere else?"

Shishido moved so he straddled Ohtori's stomach and crossed over him to his left side. He saw Ohtori was watching him now through his fingers still covering his face. "You dreamed about me kissing you here?" Shishido kissed Ohtori's neck starting with a long, wet, gentle lick and then added his lips gently in almost a nibble. He kissed softly the hickey that bastard Taki left. "And here?" Shishido could smell his shampoo and italso was a good, clean, guy smell that made Shishido want more. He smiled when he pulled back and saw Ohtori's hands were pulledawayfrom his face. He looked at Ohtori and without realizing it, gave him a half smile. Ohtori adorably lowered his hands further moving them away from his mouth and his neck as if he was hoping Shishido would kiss him in other places.

Just to be certain and to further not be anything like Taki, Shishido asked, "Anywhere else?"

Ohtori looked very turned on and very unguarded. Shishido hada sense of Ohtori completely trusting him and completely wanting him. That actually was very sexy. Ohtori's lips slowly parted as if he was choosing his words carefully, he looked right at Shishido and said, "Shishido-san, I've dreamed about you kissing me at least a thousand times." Ohtori was flushed but not blushing. He was serious. Shishido wondered at how a guy could say that to someone else even if it were true.

So Shishido still half-smiling, asked the obvious, "Well, where? Where did I kiss you?"

Ohtori smiled slightly, "Everywhere, Shishido-san. You kissed me everywhere." Ohtori looked at him as if he was daring Shishido to do just that right now. Shishido had been turned on before, but now though, at hearing Ohtori's words and thinking of acting on them, he felt that tingling burn inside his stomach as only happened when he was extremely turned on. He brought his lips to Ohtori's only to find Ohtori was reaching for his at the same time.

"Wait...wait..." Shishido pulled back and Ohtori looked surprised. Shishido could see Ohtori looked worried andconfused why he pulled back. He touched Ohtori's face softly in a caress with his fingers to let him know it was all right. Shishido thought and found that he had been thinking of this in the back of his mind for a long time. Maybe even as long ago as from the first time he saw Ohtori look at him in that way, just before he passed out. Shishido had known for a while that he had feelings for Ohtori. Strong feelings, maybe stronger than he had ever had for anyone and that after this, after they kissed and maybe touched or did whatever, Shishido knew his feelings would only grow stronger. Shishido didn't do things halfway or casually. He knew he wasn't wired that way. The simple fact was, Shishido liked Ohtori, really liked him, maybe even much more than 'like' and there was no getting around the fact that Ohtori was a guy.

There were guys out there prettier than girls and that seemed almost acceptable. Not effeminate men, but ones that were an alluring combination of pretty and strong at the same time. With for example Atobe, pretty, pampered Atobe, Shishido had consoled himself from having feelings for a guy by distancing himself from his emotions. Their relationship was so messed up that he didn't feel he was in a relationship. Shishido had told himself it was okay if he liked and wanted Atobe because even though he was a guy, he was so pretty and popular that nearly everyone wanted him. Atobe was prettier than most girls and his power and strong personality combined to form a dangerous drug that drew you to him and made you feel high around him.

Ohtori had a completely different kind of power though that Shishido felt even deeper. He drew Shishido in faster and it felt a million times stronger and more dangerous than anything Atobe possessed. Ohtori was cute, very handsome even, with a body guys would kill to have and women would desire, but the one thing you couldn't say about Ohtori was that he was pretty. He was gorgeous, but not in a feminine way. Not at all. Ohtori was all guy and Shishido had to admit to himself really for the first time that he liked and desired another guy. This guy. On top of that, he had a sense that Ohtori did not take anything casually either.

Shishido had tried not to admit it to himself about liking a guy while he dating or whatever it was you called the relationship when he was with Atobe, but that too was a comfort of being with Atobe. It was never serious and the fact that Atobe at any time could turn and be into someone else gave Shishido space and time to not feel so much for him because he knew at any moment it could be over. But it was also one of the main reasons Shishido had finally gotten disgusted and left first. Shishido had wanted and needed more. More than Atobe could ever casually give someone.

It wouldn't be like that with Ohtori. He was trusting, loving, faithful, and completely giving. Shishido knew this would change everything for each of them, and Shishido also knew by now, he wanted this. He wanted Ohtori and everything that could come with being with him. Shishido couldn't even consider how bad it would feel if this didn't work. Just the thought of losing Ohtori was painful, and Shishido didn't even have him yet. He knew he wanted Ohtori, in all those ways and more. Even stronger, Shishido wanted to give back to Ohtori, to love him back in ways Shishido had never done with anyone else before. He felt as if he was standing at a crossroads and knew which way he wanted to go, but he still wanted to do things right this time because this mattered. It mattered a great deal.

In order to do that, he had to do things differently than he had before. It was more than overwhelming how much he felt for Ohtori and Shishido was frustrated he didn't have the words to express himself or his thoughts. Still he tried, "I've thought of kissing you too. A lot actually. I know this is really stupid, but I want...no, I need to do this first, all right?"

Ohtori looked at him evenly for a moment, then nodded. Shishido realized again that Ohtori completely trusted him. Whatever it was, Ohtori would let him do it without even questioning him. Shishido's mind was already made up before he spoke. He was sure this was what he wanted, and seeing Ohtori's trusting reaction made him stop hesitating.

Shishido had been touching Ohtori's soft cheek with his fingers while he thought and then spoke. He was looking into his eyes and brought his lips to Ohtori's for a soft kiss. This time Ohtori let him and didn't reach up to meet him halfway. Shishido just pressed their lips together for a moment, then pulled back to look at Ohtori before kissing him the same way again. He did it a third time and felt Ohtori almost hesitantly moving his lips to match Shishido's.

Shishido wondered if Ohtori felt the same way he did or if he was thinking of his dead best friend. He thought again that it really felt like they had kissed many times before. It felt so natural and right that it soothed Shishido's worries. Shishido kissed him agan and ran the tip of his tongue gently across the seam of Ohtori's lips, softly parting them, and licked inside his mouth. He felt their tongues slide softly against each other and Ohtori made that same small noise he had when Shishido touched his hand the night before. Ohtori kissed him back a little more and Shishido deepened their kiss. He had moved his body closer to Ohtori so that he was pressed up against Ohtori's naked chest but he was keeping his hips and erection away so he didn't press into him. Shishido was trying to take this slow so Ohtori didn't feel forced, or scared, or anything but good. He went to pull back because he was nearly on top of Ohtori now and Ohtori's arms were around him, pulling him closer.

Ohtori wouldn't break the kiss though, so Shishido moved a little to his side and Ohtori moved with him. He mirrored all of Shishido's movements from his lips down. They lay on their sides and kissed. It was nice, it felt good, it was sweet and softly hot, yeah, but something was missing. Shishido couldn't figure out at first what was wrong. It wasn't like that not passionate kiss on the couch when Ohtori was drunk. It didn't make Shishido's head reel and all of his senses go crazy. It was almost too formal and polite for that. Ohtori kept matching his movements and seemed into it, but not hot like that other time. Shishido worried that maybe Ohtori only kissed like that when drunk, and Shishido was certain that Ohtori did not remember doing it. He couldn't figure out why this was so soft and polite and then started to get an idea. He just couldn't quite believe Ohtori was that controlled.

Shishido had to know if what he suspected was what Ohtori was doing. He opened his eyes and wondered if Ohtori had ever closed his. Shishido suspected Ohtori had closely watched him the entire time. Ohtori was looking at him again as if Shishido was anincredible thing and now he was also looking at Shishido amazed. As if just kissing softly like this together was beyond anything Ohtori had thought would ever happen or had hoped for.

Shishido felt a pang of jealous pain stab through him as he wondered if this was how Ohtori kissed his friend that looked so much like him. He decided to put a stop to this worrying and find out. Shishido kissed Ohtori again with his mouth closed and watched as Ohtori looked at him surprised. His brow was creased in confusion as if he worried Shishido wanted to stop. "Thank you," Shishido said and stayed right where he was in Ohtori's arms. Ohtori looked even more confused. "For letting me kiss you first. Thanks." Ohtori smiled slightly in acknowledgment. "Choutarou?" Shishido moved even closer to him. He twined their legs together but kept his erection away from Ohtori. "Will you kiss me? Really kiss me?"

Ohtori started to protest, "But...Shishi..."

Shishido covered Ohtori's mouth with his own to silence him and again slid their tongues together in a much harder kiss than they had done before. "You want to, right? You want to kiss me?" Ohtori nodded quickly, as if worried Shishido would stop. "Then Choutarou, kiss me. Don't hold back. Not with me. I want you t..." He was going to say he wanted Ohtori to kiss him and not stop but before he could finish, Ohtori moved.

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Learning to Land