The Answer to the Question

Chapter 5: The Man Bits Bum Rush


Akabane walked into the room; just missing a hand from beneath the bed snatch the glowing vial it was aiming for and disappear back from where it had come. Instead, the Master of Knives found himself witnessing the literal tail end of a very loud, very amusing man love tryst. The interceptor team and a man whom he could only imagine was their client were all knee deep inside a cum-coated three-way tangle on top of the room’s four-poster bed.

Inside the closet, Ban caught sight of the new arrival and cursed out loud. Just the mere sight of Dr. Jackal doused all the raging fires in Ban’s libido like they’d been hit with a bucket of Arctic water. Immediately he became stone cold sober and gathered himself to make a move.

Under the bed Ginji, recognizing the feet that had just glided to a halt right in front of him, closed his eyes and tried not to cry.

On top of the bed, Mugs One and Two noticed they had an audience—an audience that looked awful familiar.

“It’s the freaky looking dead guy in the hat!”

Akabane smiled. Ban grit his teeth. Ginji prayed. The Mugs and the client panted through their exertions, trying to make sense of what’d just happened to them when, unbeknownst to all in the room…

Four tires came to a screeching halt outside the inn doors. Three men jumped out of their car and dashed through the foyer sending the metal detector into all kinds of fits. Oblivious to the situation, the three took a sharp left and sprinted to the east hall without giving Miko a first glance, let alone a second.

She watched on the monitors as they flew down the corridor, checking the name of each suite until they came to a skidding stop in front of the Mugs’ room where the door was still open.

Miko wasn’t at all surprised.

*** ***

“Well, isn’t this a sight to behold?” Dr. Jackal chuckled softly. “Please, don’t mind me,” he said spying the bottles on the floor near what was left of the fallen lamp. “I’ll be out of your way in no time at all. Feel free to continue as you were.”

Inside the closet, Ban groped around for something that could give him an advantage—a weapon of some kind. His hand hit something hard and long. No time to stop and check what it was, he sprang from the closet the minute Jackal bent to pick up one of the fallen vials.

“Not so fast, Jackal!” he said brandishing his makeshift weapon.

Akabane turned around and for once was speechless. There was Ban Midou, coming out of the closet and waving a…dildo in his face.

“I suppose I knew you would come out of the closet one day,” Akabane said slowly, trying his damndest not to laugh. “But I must confess, I hadn’t thought today would be the lucky day.” He nodded at the dildo. “Tell me that our little Lightning Emperor is in there with you?” he asked, attempting to peer around Ban for his favorite Get Backer. “If so, by all means, have him come out and play with me too. I do so like to have fun and to be honest, I’ve never minded toys…”

Ban finally saw what he was holding and cursed out loud...again. He didn’t know what to be upset about more—the fact that Akabane had made it to the inn before he could get the bottles and get out; the fact that Akabane was making it quite clear that he wouldn’t mind a piece of HIS Ginji action; or the fact that he had just faced the freaky creep with a dildo in his hand!

“If I was you, Jackal, I wouldn’t be worried about Ginji!” Ban spat. He put his hands and the dildo on his hips. “I’d be more worried about the man in front of you with the 200 KG force grip and a job to do!”

Akabane’s smile grew. A single blade slid silently from the tip of his gloved finger. He pointed it at Ban. “Be careful what you wish for...”

Ban pushed up his glasses. “You don’t know what I wish…”

“YOU KNOW WHAT *I* WISH?!” Mug One yelled suddenly. “I WISH SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON AND WHY THE FUCK I HAVE A DICK UP MY ASS!”

Both Ban and Dr. Jackal turned to the man mangle still on the bed. Mug One was struggling to free himself from the penis trap he’d found himself caught up in.

“Get off me, you oaf!” the client screamed from beneath him. Now that he’d come and the effects of whatever had possessed him just moments before had gone, the client was singing a totally different tune.

Curiously, Mug Two was the only one of the three of them that seemed to be completely content right where he was.

Ban was about to open his mouth to say something but someone beat him to the punch.

“NOBODY MOVE!”

Three new interceptors lunged through the open door with guns blazing. After a split second of hurried scanning, the three made a beeline straight for the fallen vials near the overturned nightstand, guided by their bright pinkish-purple glow.

Akabane turned to face the new intruders, scalpels at the ready. On the bed, the three naked humpers fought to free themselves of each other and behind Dr. Jackal, Ban made an attempt to go around him trying to cut off the new interceptors and reach the vials first.

From out of nowhere, a blade embedded itself in the floor right in front of where his hand was reaching and cut him off. Behind Ban, a safety being yanked off a gun clicked ominously and echoed throughout the room.

“Screw this!” Ban turned around and with deadly aim flung the dildo he was still holding, not at the new interceptor team, but at the ceiling light wall switch beside the door. It hit right on point and faster than anyone could blink, the light went out, blanketing the room in disorienting darkness save for the square of light coming through the open doorway from the hall.

“NOW, GINJI, NOW!” Ban screamed.

“WHAT, GINJI, WHAT?!” Ginji screamed back from under the bed.

“ANYTHING, GINJI, ANYTHING! JUST DO IT QUICK!”

Under the bed, Ginji reached in his pocket and withdrew one of the metal balls he’d shoved there when he’d gone out looking for Ban. He rolled it from beneath the bed and into the direct path of one of the oncoming interceptors. All it took was one misplaced foot and down the lead interceptor went, taking one of his partners with him.

Ginji made a move to vacate his hiding place and help his partner, but curiously, something out of the corner of his eye arrested his attention at once and stopped him cold…

Meanwhile, the third interceptor went straight for Ban. Ban took him down with a merciless Snake Bite to the face. He shoved the interceptor to the floor by the jaw and then tried to shove him THROUGH it.

On the bed, the three naked humpers leapt up and each went in a different direction. Mug One went for his pants and the gun they contained. Mug Two struggled with the two fallen interceptors who were trying their best to drag him down with them. Knowing that one of the vials was the real deal (as evidenced by the SPECTACULAR introduction to the world of yaoi he’d just received) the client, paying no mind to the fact that he was still ass naked, scrambled for the vials on the floor, which were still glowing and visible.

“Let me see now,” a soft voice said cutting through the loud cacophony of grunts, curses and yells of OUCH! “Two decoys and one real vial make three and here they are all present and accounted for. How convenient.”

Suddenly, the glow the client was making for snuffed out abruptly as all three vials were scooped up by an unseen hand.

“OH NO, THEY’RE GONE!” he panicked. “HE’S GOT THEM!” The client began looking around to see who had the fourth vial, not knowing if the slithery stranger already had it or even knew about it in the first place. All he saw were a mash of shadowy bodies fighting with one another in the darkened room.

Ban heard the client’s cry and looked up from his struggle just in time to see Dr. Jackal glide toward the open door; completely ignoring the frantic chaos taking place behind him. In the hallway, he turned and smiled at Ban. Akabane tipped his hat goodbye like the gentleman he was, then left the room full of dildos, naked men, interceptors and lightning kings to their own devices.

Ban let go of the interceptor he was mashing into the carpet by the face and tried to follow Jackal. A hand reached around his ankle to stop him, only to have a Get Backer foot smash into the owner of the hand’s face. A loud howl filled the air.

“COME ON GINJI, WE GOTTA GO! JACKAL’S GOT THE BOTTLES AND HE’S LEAVING!”

Ban tore himself loose from the grip on his foot and scrambled for the door. Three interceptors, one of which had an angry red footprint where his face used to be, two half-dressed Mugs, and a totally naked client followed right behind him. Spitting in the face of reason and stomping on the laws of physics, all of them tried to fit through the door at once! Unsurprisingly, it didn’t work. They clashed violently, struggling and squeezing, cursing and shouting, all trying to get ahead and push the others back. Finally one of the three new interceptors popped out and dragged the rest of the crew down with him. They all stumbled, fumbled and fell into a heap on the hallway floor as they tried to regain their balance and out run, out push and out pull the next guy. The frantic dash continued all the way down the east hall toward the inn entrance. Hands clawed at each other, arms tried to drag the opposition down and somebody, Ban wasn’t sure who, had taken to biting any body part he could get his teeth around. Ban found himself fighting tooth and nail to get just a step ahead of the crazed crowd that resembled nothing less than a herd of stampeding buffalo.

“GINJI!!” he continued to scream. “BRING YOUR ASS, GINJI! BRING THE KEYS, GINJI!” He dodged an elbow to the face and leaned over to grab a set of balls, any balls, just as long as they didn’t belong to him. He took down the nearest bait and tackle with a snake bite to the crotch.

Down went Mug Two. Beside him, Mug One yanked out his gun and aimed it at Ban’s head.

“GINJI!!!”

The bum rush rounded the corner into the lobby when suddenly…

“Gentlemen, your attention please.”

Miko stood at the head of the hall between the crowd of roughnecks and the inn’s entrance with her hands on her hips and stared at them with unblinking eyes. Seeing that Spiky was with the rest of the rabble, she cautiously pulled on Blondie’s sunglasses, which she’d perched atop her head. Beside her stood a very tall, very serious, very butch-looking chick who was sporting a buzz cut and two Glock 18s which she pointed straight them.

A single, softly spoken sentence from Miko was all it took to make the group of men come to a screeching halt. All scrambling, elbowing, kicking, hair grabbing, name calling, threats to fuck each other’s sisters, and other undignified forms of manly fighting came to a complete stop.

The Miko Effect was stunning to say the least.

“Gentlemen,” Miko said; her soft monotone taking on an edge of menace, “Management requests that you cease this ridiculous behavior at once and comport yourselves like the men you are SUPPOSED to be and NOT like the barnyard animals you’ve devolved into. The Secret Inn has a strict policy against violence inside this establishment. If you MUST satisfy your testosterone-riddled caveman urges, then please take both them and yourselves outside to the parking lot. Otherwise, Management requests that we take whatever means necessary to ensure that you behave in a safe and proper manner befitting guests of this resort. The Secret Inn thanks you for your patronage and we do hope you have an enjoyable evening.”

“What that means for all you simpletons is that if you don’t get with the program and behave your stupid asses, we’ll fill all of ‘em full of more holes than you’ll know what to do with!” Yurika said pointedly. She was all too happy to supply the ass-kicking attitude Miko’s calm demeanor lacked and cheerfully waved the matched Glocks at them to drive the point home.

“Any questions?”

Flabbergasted (and a little frightened) that two women had just verbally bitched slapped every last one of them in one fell swoop, all the men, including Ban, shook their heads silently.

“Sorry, Ma’am,” one of the new interceptors said as he shuffled by Miko and her enforcer. His teammates followed suit and apologized as they left. One of them curtsied. It was quite graceful.

Miko eyed the client in all his naked glory and gave him what for. “Shame on you. What would your mother think if she saw you running the halls with a gang of horny monkeys while your man bits were on public display? Do us all a favor and put a cover on that bum.”

“Please don’t tell my Mama!” the client pleaded as he left—his eyes glistening with tears. “It’d break her heart to know I had my man bits on public display while running the halls with a gang of horny monkeys—that’s not how she raised me!”

Mug One shoved his gun into his waistband and grunted something that sounded like sorry as he pulled what was left of his shirt on and brushed past the two women.

Mug Two nodded shamefully and kept his eyes averted as he followed his partner through the foyer and out into the parking lot.

“GIN—” Ban turned to yell for his partner who was STILL mysteriously absent.

“Spiky.” That was all Miko said. That was all she needed to say. She stepped in front of Yurika forcing Ban to gaze upon his own reflection in her shiny, mirrored sunglasses and pointed to the parking lot.

Ban clenched his teeth together and stalked outside. “Women!” he spat as he went.

Yurika yanked off a safety and took aim. Miko put her hand on the gun’s muzzle.

“No, Yurika,” she said softly.

“You never let me have any fun! All I get to do is fix stuff around here!”

“Then fix me a cup of tea, please,” Miko said, taking up her familiar place behind the counter. She pushed a button and secured the inner lobby door with their Mister Deadbolt 2000 system to keep the riff-raff outside where it belonged. Then she relieved Yurika of her Glock arsenal and casually returned them to their swivel holsters under the counter as if handling law enforcement grade auto pistols were an everyday occurrence.

“Jasmine tea, please, with just a little milk and two sweeteners.” Miko pushed the glasses back atop her head, took up her book and didn’t give any of the events that had just transpired a second thought.

Beside her, Yurika, still obviously giving the events that had transpired a second and even third thought, cursed out loud at not being able to shoot anyone and stomped down the west hall for Miko’s tea.

Outside in the parking lot, the men stood around quietly, shoving hands in pockets, if they were wearing any, and scuffing about like lost sheep as they tried to get back their dignity and some semblance of manhood after Miko had summarily stripped them of it.

A second later however, that was over and done with as Ban realized Akabane was nowhere to be seen.

“He’s gone!” he yelled. All around him, the rest of the crew looked dumbfounded as they found the parking lot completely devoid of Dr. Jackal and his illicit bottle booty.

“There!” someone shouted. Following the direction of his pointing finger, all eyes followed the telltale red glow of sports car taillights speeding down the driveway in the darkness.

“Get the car!” one of them said.

“Shotgun!” someone called.

“Roll out!” came another yell.

All around Ban, vehicles peeled out in pursuit, leaving him standing by his lonesome.

“What about me?!” Ban yelled.

“What about you?!” Mug One yelled right back. He took off with his car door still open, leaving their poor client clinging to the back bumper for dear life. Mug One closed his door, hit the brakes (in that order) and hurled a string of shrill curses as he stopped the car just long enough to let the naked bastard tumble into the backseat headfirst. Before the abused client could even figure out which way was down, the Mug hit the gas throwing the client’s even more abused body ass up in the backseat. The car drove all of two feet when, without warning, it stopped on a dime and reversed direction, this time throwing the client against the backs of the front seats. The car backed up with frivolous speed then recklessly screeched to a hard halt right beside Ban, throwing the client headfirst onto the backseat. The driver’s side window rolled down as the client struggled to scrape parts of his body off the rear window.

“If you tell anybody about what you saw the three of us doing back in the room, I’ll hunt you down and tie your dick in a knot!” Mug One growled. He shook his fist at Ban to show he meant business, then stomped the gas and gunned down the driveway like a bat out of Yaoiland. The last thing Ban saw of them was a naked foot jammed against the back window.

“GINJI!” The Jagan Master raced for all he was worth back to the inn and with hand outstretched, rolled right through both sets of lobby doors not slowing in the slightest. Ban raced down the east hall to find his partner who, annoyingly, had chosen the worst moment EVER to go MIA!

Behind him, Miko glanced up at the counter where what was left of Mister Deadbolt 2000 was spinning beside the registry book. It had been knocked completely out of the door track and flung all the way across the lobby to land in a crumpled metal heap next to her.

Miko looked back at the inner lobby door, which swung ajar, showing off the ragged hole in the frame where the deadbolt had been.

For the second time that night, Miko actually blinked.

“Spiky…”

*** ***

“GINJI!” Ban took his partner’s name in vain all the way back to the Mugs’ room. He flew inside the still darkened suite and began to frantically scan for his errant associate.

“WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU, GINJI?! THEY’RE GETTIN' AWAAAAY!!!”

No answer.

“DAMN IT, THIS AIN’T NO TIME TO PLAY HIDE AND SEEK, WHERE THE HE…”

“Ban-chan…”

The sound of his name was so soft, Ban almost missed hearing it over his righteous yelling.

“Ginji! What’re you standing here in the dark for? Don’t you know we got a JOB to do?”

“I got a bottle, Ban-chan.”

There was something awfully off about Ginji’s voice. His words were…sleepy sounding, almost as if he were speaking softly inside a dream. And there was something else—something that Ban couldn’t quite put his finger on that just didn’t seem right as he stood in the darkness trying to pinpoint where the voice was coming from. Instead of jumping for joy that they’d actually managed to snag a bottle in spite of everything, Ban paid attention to the nagging warning in his head that something was wrong. He went back to the suite entrance and felt around until he hit the wall switch for the ceiling light. He flipped it on.

“Gin—SHIT!” Ban turned around to find Ginji standing right behind him, scaring the utter hell out of the Jagan Master.

“What’s wrong with you, Ginji, I…uhh…umm…hmm…Gin…ji…?”

Ginji was indeed standing behind Ban, but he wasn’t looking at him. He was instead looking at his hands, which were cupped around something he was holding. He rubbed his fingers over the mysterious object again and again; sighing softly as he did it.

“Uhh…Ginji…that’s not the vial in your hands is it?” Ban’s nagging feeling went from suspiciously bad to TERRIBLY ominous. “What are you doing?” he asked slowly.

Ginji looked up at Ban, finally, and what Ban saw made unmentionable parts of his anatomy shrivel in fear. Ginji had a lean and hungry look about him like he hadn’t had a decent meal in weeks and had suddenly found a Grade-A Ban steak to call his very own. The blonde Get Backer sized Ban up; letting his eyes roam up and down the length of Ban’s lean, wiry frame. Ginji leaned against the suite door to both close and block it.

“Oh no…”

Ginji smiled.

“Oh yes…”

Slowly, he opened his hands and a bright pinkish-purple glow spilled into the space between them.

“You didn’t!” Ban screeched in horror; keeping his eyes away from the vial’s light. With the three-way mug shot still fresh in his mind, he began to understand what it was he was dealing with. Ban didn’t know what was actually in the vial, but he DID know from experience what it could do. He backed away from Ginji with an extreme quickness. “You didn’t do what I think you did…did you?”

“I didn’t mean to Ban…it just came off. I put the top back on…it didn’t want me to, but I did.” Ginji started to move forward, slowly going toward Ban with that look of hunger about him. It was in his eyes…in his voice…in the very way he moved as if he were stalking delicious prey…

“IT…didn’t?” Ban squeaked.

Ginji shook his head. He continued moving forward until Ban found himself trapped against a wall with nowhere else to go. Ginji cornered Ban and hovered over him, putting a hand on the wall just beside Ban’s face. He lowered his lips to Ban’s settling just a fraction of space away.

“It told me something, Ban-chan. The bottle spoke to me.”

“IT…did?” Ban was beginning to sweat. He had to do something and QUICK or they were going to end up on the naked side of things faster than Ban could say whipped! He tried to buy some time while his mind groped around for a plan.

“What did it say?”

Bad move.

“It told me that it was ok to tell you…”

Ginji pushed his lips gently against Ban’s and whispered.

“…that I want you.”

End Chapter 5: The Man Bits Bum Rush