Darkness Within your Light

Summary: It was all suppose to end after Ryuk wrote in the deathnote, but redemption gave Raito another chance, will he chose to walk the same path as Kira? Or will he repent for his sins?

Warning: A lot of BAD Language, Gore, blood, mental scarring nightmare (heh I’m mad at Raito right now, I just reread when he killed L…I’m pissed :) ooh some very, very small sexual action, really I don’t think it needs a warning but just in case, it’s not even graphic, it just a touch really…

Thank you to all who have reviewed, I have commented on some reviews, read my profile if you have reviewed me before,I may have just thanked you properly. :)

I will now start addressing Kira as Raito because he is no longer Kira anymore, also I will be calling Lawliet with both of his names Ryuzaki and L at least for now you will get what I mean later in the chapter. I’m sorry if that will confuse any of you later. Enjoy.
---
It was dark. That was one of the first things that came to his attention. The second thing that caught his attention was the sinister presence that surrounded him.

He felt scared…no not scared down right terrified was more like it. He didn’t know why he was here or where here was but he did know he wanted to leave. NOW.

It felt like he was being watched. Stared at with an unblinking force.

He could suddenly feel the malevolence presence right behind him. It felt like it was pushing, pressuring him to turn around. Like it wanted him to look at the face, the face of the monster that hunted him. He didn’t want to look, if only in hope that if he wasn’t able to see it, the monster would leave him alone. It was a prey’s hope, a weakling’s hope. An all too human’s hope.

That fearful thought shocked him enough for him to feel something other then the mind numbing fear that seemed to freeze his limbs, a smoldering hate started to burned through him, melting the ice that had seemed to have covered him from the inside and out. He reveled in that fiery emotion if only for a minute before a spike of malevolent energy reminded him of the…fiend that was currently behind him. The flames of his anger went out suddenly, he tried franticly to call it back, for it to continue to fill him with the false bravo it had created in him, but the flames of his anger had dissipated so utterly that he could not reach it.

The fear…the fear that had seemed to swallow him whole, that numbing ice returned like it never left.

He felt his body turning around without his permission. It was just like being a puppet. A puppet that was being controlled by a very wicked puppeteer. Unwilling he started to slowly turned around. It was both torturous and agonizing; when he finally finished turning around he felt his head move forcibly up to look straight ahead, the sight that greeted his eyes made him feel more pain both emotional and psychical then he could ever have imagined that he would feel in his entire life. If he could have screamed he would have but it was like his lips had been sewed shut. His eyes had widened in horror and disbelief, pleading, begging for it not to be true.

Haunting scarlet…no not scarlet…ebony eyes stared at him. But they did not belong to the fiend who he had half-expected to see.

He was just like he remembered him to be all those years ago. Wild free-flowing black hair stuck outward in all directions yet also framed a delicate pallid face. The worn shads of black that framed large vacant eyes seemed bigger then he remembered, the eyes captivated him, seemingly to almost swallow him into a deep dark well of darkness. The fear that he felt before was slowly fading away after nothing happening for a while, Ryuzaki just stared at him. Not moving towards or away from him. Raito was even able to almost ignore the malice that covered his once time friend and enemy seemingly to create a black almost vapor like cloud around him. It also seemed that he had been able to regained control of own body. Hopefully it stayed that way.

Ryuzaki just stared at him; not moving, showing no expression at all, his face was so still, just like a fragile, delicate glass doll. Raito took the chance to look at the rest of him. He was wearing his usually attire, white long sleeved shirt and baggy blue jeans, no shoes. The Ryuzaki that stood before him was almost accurate to the real one.

But there was one thing that stood out; there was one thing that should not have been there. It took Raito a few minutes to process it; it was like they had been invisible to his eyes before. But they seemed to suddenly stand out right now so much that he was shocked he had not noticed them before.

Wings. Broken bleeding beautiful black wings. Silvery chains seemed to wrap around them, keeping them from spreading out.

Without realizing it he began to stretch his own wings in empathy. In shock he looked at himself to see that he was in his hybrid human-shinigami form. He looked at his hands apathetically; he started to take stock of the rest of himself before his mind could react to the sight that had greeted him when he looked at his hands.
He raised his head up and closed his eyes and tried to blank his mind of any stray thoughts in the wish to try to stop himself from hyperventilating. Feeling himself calm down somewhat he let his thoughts come back from the no space that he had just occupied for a few seconds.

He breathed sharply inward before looking back down at his hands again. The sight made him gag with revulsion and horror and made him start to hyperventilate again.

Blood. Blood and what seemed to be broken black feathers seemed to cover his hands and streaked all the way towards his forearms, covering his arms almost entirely.

The realization of what the mess on him meant hit him suddenly. Horror and anguish filled him.

Within that moment of that realization the sense of malice and hate grew to vast proportions.

The fear was back, but instead of it being a numbing ice like fear like before, now it had become a blazing panic. He knew if he looked up right now it would be his death and dismemberment that he would be facing.
But to his dread, the controlling feeling came back. He tried to resist, fighting the force that compelled him to look, to look at the face of one who he had hurt.

No…the one he had destroyed.

Just like a puppet with its strings being pulled he felt his head come up to look at Ryuzaki.

“NO!”

Pure horror and abhorrence coursed through him at the sight that greeted him. Total denial tried to invade his mind; sadly he did not have that luxury.

Ryuzaki was in the same position that he was in before, if Raito could block out everything else he could even say that nothing had happened.

But even if Ryuzaki hadn’t moved and his expression was still the same, everything was different. Totally devastatingly different.

Standing just behind Ryuzaki was a shadow of a man or what he thought was a man. The shadow had his arms around the broken Ryuzaki; the man’s arms were in the shape of large shadowy claws. They were digging into the white rapidly turning red shirt, seeming to be slowly gutting Ryuzaki.

Ryuzaki didn’t even flinch when the claws slowly retracted from his stomach. A flowing stream of blood spilled from the jagged hole that the claws had created.

A wordless cry of dismay spilled from Raito’s lips at the sight.

He felt rage. Rage he hadn’t felt in a long time. He tried to see the man behind Ryuzaki, but the shadows seemed to almost be alive and completely engulfed the monster.

He tried to run over towards Ryuzaki in the hopes that somehow he would be able to help him. But it was like his body was paralyzed unable to move towards his friend. Because that was exactly what Ryuzaki was, a friend, the only true one Raito had ever had despite the lies and the deceitful game that they had to play when Raito had been Kira and Ryuzaki was L.

He struggle or tried to anyway in the hopes that the paralyzation that seemed to engulfed him would lift. No such luck.

He continued to watch in rising horror as the shadow continued to slowly torture Ryuzaki, inflicting horrible but non fatal gashes and cuts.

Bright red blood freely flowed down Ryuzaki’s front down towards his bare toes creating a small puddle around them. It didn’t stay small though; the previously small red puddle was growing.

Giving forth a small moan of distress Raito came to the realization that even if his body was paralyzed his vocals were not.

Determination coursed through him as a plan started to form inside his head. It was what he was good at, planning under stress, reveled when Misa had been taken under suspicion of being the second Kira and Rem had been threatening to kill him if he didn’t save her. He had come up with a brilliant plan to save both Misa and himself while also guaranteeing the death of L.

Now instead of planning the destruction of L he was trying to save him. If Raito had the leisure and time and had been his previous self he would have appreciate the irony of the situation. But alas he did not and was not his previous self so he didn’t even waste a second of his brainstorming to think such things. All that mattered was saving Ryuzaki.

---

It wasn’t a terrible complicated plan. He had nether the time nor could he indulge in his no space that he liked to dive into to help him think. His emotions were also harping on his thinking process and they did nothing but distract him.

‘Ok, while the plan may not be as fool proof as I would like it to be it should work, I have my voice so I’ll just try to direct its attention towards myself I don’t really care what it will do to me as long as it leaves Ryuzaki alone. I just hope it will work…it really depends on that…thing. Ahh god damn it all! Why the fuck is this happening?! Ok just calm down Raito deep breaths in then out, just breathe. Ok this had better work I’m in no condition to think of a better idea and…what the fuck is that thing doing now!?!’

While Raito had been formulating his plan the shadow had continued its devastating destruction of Ryuzaki’s body. But it seemed while Raito had been busy a change had occurred, one he did not like at all.

Both of the shadow’s monster like claws seemed to shrink some and seemed to lose most of its animal shape bringing them to an almost human shape hand except with unnatural long fingers and deadly pointed nails, one of the hands moved from it’s place around Ryuzaki’s neck, it began to trail downwards seemly carefully not to mar the skin or rip the fabric which instantly put Raito on high alert. The dodgy arm seemed to slither right down Ryuzaki’s chest and stopped right at Ryuzaki’s lower stomach.

Raito felt a forlorn chill creep up his spine. A sudden thought came to him of what the arm was going to do. He prayed to every god he could think of that he was wrong.

Sadly it seemed that his luck just wasn’t with him today as his fears became justified.

Before his eyes he watched as that disgusting appendage creep into the top of Ryuzaki’s pants.

Ryuzaki for the first time made a small noise. It was like listening to a dying animal calling for help.

‘Oh my god…is that monster actually molesting him!? Who the fuck does he think he is?! How dare he touch Ryuzaki, I will kill this fiend!’

All fear and nervousness that had been with him previously fled in the light of his fury. It also seemed to have the affect of clearing his mind a bit. He was also startled to realize that the evil energy he felt earlier that he thought had been coming from Ryuzaki was actually coming from the monster behind him. It seemed it had been hiding behind Ryuzaki and had been bidding its time of attack.

‘Bastard! I’ve already lost Ryuzaki once I won’t lose him again!’

The damned arm seemed to be moving around inside of Ryuzaki’s pants and its twin had also moved. The other arm was under Ryuzaki’s shirt, Raito did not want to know what exactly the damned appendages were doing to poor Ryuzaki.

Ryuzaki was still making those wounded animal noises. They pulled on Raito’s heart when he heard them. Making Raito want to just rip him away from the monster that was tormenting him and then try to comfort him to the best of his ability.

Raito became determine that that was what he was going to do. He took a deep breath to calm any nerves that may be a little frazzled and gripped his fury and sent it outward.


“Hey Asshole! Let Ryuzaki go you pig-swallow son of a whore bastard! Why don’t you pick on someone else? Come on you fucktard I dare you to try that shit with me I’ll kick your ass so hard you’ll be begging Ryuzaki for forgiveness! You donkey piss-ant dung piece of shit! I bet you are only doing this because you have no dick to actually wank off to! Come on you sheep-humping-ass licking-shit eater! I mean really is this all you can do to me? Let me watch? I’m a sitting duck here and you’re not doing anything about it? What don’t have the balls to attack me? You shriveled up dick-less bitch of a whore. I bet it takes a whole shitload of Viagra to get that non existent dick of yours to even twitch-“


It finally seemed that the shadow had had enough. Which was both good and bad, good because the fiend finally took it’s hand out of Ryuzaki’s pants and because Raito had been running out of insults. Bad because now the shadow seemed intent on him and the evil energy seemed to have spike onto a whole another level, also Raito rather enjoyed finally being able to rant out his frustrations.

It seemed that the shadow had come to some type of conclusion because it moved both of its arms from Ryuzaki.

Who then fell to the ground in what seemed a dead faint.

“Ryuzaki!”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about him, it’s you that should be worried Raito.”

Raito froze as the voice seemed to penetrate the very space around him.

He knew that voice. As much as he knew his own.

Because the voice that came with the shadow was his very own voice.

“You should have just let me play with him. It would have spared yourself any agony-“

“Shut up! Watching you hurt him was more agonizing then anything you could do to me! Stop using my voice and show yourself coward!”

“Hn you are pathetic. You are powerless here as you where back then. I should have found a way to utterly destroy you when I had the chance but I didn’t believe you where a threat. Heh I still don’t, you are the still the justice loving fair playing piece of shit school boy that you were before I came along. Pathetic really, how you actually believe that you could redeem yourself. Ourselves.”

With that last word the shadows seemed to sink into the man like he was a sponge.

Raito watched in despair and rising horror as what he unknowingly feared became a horrifying reality.

Standing across from him was the worse nightmare he could ever have conjured. Smirking in a most terrifying and maddening manner the shade like man raised his arm in a mocking parody of a wave.

Kira was back in all his foreboding glory.

---

The first thing that Raito thought was that he looked terrifying and ugly with that sneer on his face. When Raito’s brain caught up with that thought he felt like slapping himself. That was not him. It had been the evil energy that the Deathnote had poured into him that created this monster that now stood across from him. The question that he should be concentrating on is why is it still here? He had thought that the Shinigami King and the Little Mother would have destroyed any evil elements that would have still reside in him before sending him back to the past.

Raito wasn’t stupid he knew all of this was a dream, but when he had saw that Ryuzaki was being hurt he totally forgotten that crucial fact and tried to help him. In resprospect he would still have tried to help him even if he had remembered that this was a dream. He couldn’t bear to see Ryuzaki suffer anymore then he had already. Maybe that was why he had what seemed to be Ryuzaki’s blood and feathers on him. He felt guilty. Guilty that had had killed such an angel. Yes that was what Ryuzaki represented in life. A guardian angel. One that he had killed. No not just him…he was more to blame then him…Kira.

Kira looked just like what Raito believed he must have looked like when he had died. Right down to the blood stained suit that he had worn when he had gone to the ware house and been killed by Near. There were a few differences that showed how inhuman Kira was. Kira’s whole body seemed to be dripped in blood and what seemed to be some kind of black ink.

‘How disgusting, god it looks like he bathed in blood and sludge. Urg, no wonder L wanted to catch me so bad. I could almost taste the foulness and evilness radiating from him. Wait thinking about L…’

He turned his attention from the madly grinning manic in front of him to the figure laying still on the ground. Was he still alive? Some of those cuts had been pretty bad. And the chains that seemed to wrap around his wings looked like they had tighten, there was a more broken feathers around the still body. He wanted to go over and check on him. It worried him that the red puddle of Ryuzaki’s blood seemed to be getting bigger, even though it shouldn’t worry him because this was all happening in his mind.

Just when he thought of moving a miracle seemed to happen, he could have wept tears of joy but he steeled himself from doing that if only because he didn’t want to show any weakness in front of the evil that had corrupted him so long ago.

He was able to move. He had regained control over his own body again.

---

Raito made sure that nothing of his newly found discovery showed on his face. His plan had worked wonderfully before, the shadow monster now known as the evil essence of Kira had turned it’s attention from Ryuzaki to Raito instead. Raito was kind of surprised that it was so easy to distract Kira.

It was almost disappointing.

‘What am I thinking? I should be happy that it was that easy. Still…was I always that easy to distract and anger? Hmmm…yes, yes I was…after I got ownership of the Deathnote I became more impulsive and easier to anger. Just take the Lind L. Tailor incident, normally I would never have done something so impulsive without having more facts and having more upper ground…but I killed him only because I had thought he had question me…god what kind of monster did I become?’

Raito looked into the red crazed eyes of his former self and knew what kind of monster he had been. He was staring at it face to face. Pure Evil.

Kira seemed too finally tire of the stare off he was having with him and started to taunt him with insults and threats.

Raito blocked them as best he could and started to come up with another plan to get to Ryuzaki and hopefully get away from Kira.

Again it was a fairly simple plan but it seemed he didn’t really a totally complicated plan when it came to his darker half.

The plan was much like his former plan had been. If it worked once there was an almost one hundred percent guarantee it would work again, since it didn’t seem that Kira had his intelligent anymore. It was mostly its own entity now. At least this is what Raito figured. Only because he himself didn’t feel any of its taint on himself. It had feed off his negative emotions before, growing till he himself had no real control over the later years of his life. Maybe that was why he got caught by Near, Kira had completely taken over his conscious and body, its not that surprising that he was caught. Kira was all impulsive emotions and half baked plans. It was a wonder that he had survived the 5 years after he had taken over after the death of L.

Raito winched at that thought. He could now admit to himself that he had felt something inside him die when L had been killed. Maybe even more so because it was Raito himself that had staged Ryuzaki’s death.

Raito was still kind of zoning out what Kira was ranting about till one particular phase caught his attention.

“-you know that you wanted it. Ha, it took a lot of will power for me not to be sick. The man that was chasing us and would have killed us without hesitation. You lusted after him! Disgusting! Weak! You even felt for him! I could have almost forgiven the lusting, hell even I think he might have had potential as my slave in our new world. But you! You cared about him! How?! How could you-“

After that Raito started to zone out again to think about what Kira had just unearthed. He knew he had cared about Ryuzaki as a friend…but did he care about him as more then that? That was the big question and one Raito could not answer no matter how hard he thought about it. Maybe…maybe he could in the future. But for now he had the present to deal with.

Raito took another deep breath and prepared himself for what he was going to do.

Cutting off Kira mid rant he began his own taunting.


“So are you done ranting and raving yet? Because frankly you are boring me to death. Hell Mu was more entertaining then you and I technically didn’t even exist there. How the hell did you survive anyway? By talking your enemies to death? Heh most likely, its not like you have two brain cells to rub together, it was never you who came up with the ideas and plans, all you did was sit in the back of my mind, stinking up the place. I don’t really know how L could have lost to you, even if you had my intelligence to back you up, he’s ten times the man you could ever inspire to be. If there had to be a new god of the world it wouldn’t have been either you or me but Ryuzaki-“


Kira finally seemed to snap at the last sentence. While Raito had been talking the smug expression on Kira’s face had been slowly fading, now all that was present was pure rage. Rage that seemed to be directed at Raito right now.

Kira let out a tremendous roar of rage before running towards Raito. It was clear he was going to hurt the unmoving Raito. Who was seemingly defenseless.

At the last moment Raito made his move. Kira let out a startled sound as his previously thought defenseless prey threw his body back in an almost matrix move and left hooked him in the face.

Kira let out a howl of pain as his face made a cracking sound. Raito had defiantly broken something.

Faster then Raito had predicted Kira recovered enough and tried to tackle him to the ground to gain the upper hand. Raito managed to move at the last second to get out of the way.

They then began a true life and death battle. Raito became aware that this was not like his old fights with Ryuzaki, hell compared to the battle that he was engaged in now those fights with Ryuzaki might as well been child slaps.

Raito had no direct fighting style so just fought with all he had, punching, kicking, clawing, biting, hair pulling, you name it. Raito knew he would have to fight dirty if he wanted to survive this fight.

He hurt. That was the only thing he could think of at that moment. His cloths were ripped and bloody and his left wing seemed to be at least fractured, it had bent in an odd angle and it hurt like hell.


“What are you going to do huh Raito? Heh your weak, you focus only on your intelligence that you disregard brutal strength. I will just depose of you now and retake over your body. Hahah second chances don’t make me laugh. You really thought you could redeem your self. The blood on your hands is proof enough of the pain that you have caused. The truth is you’re just making excuses to yourself and others, you and I are one and the same, we both believe we are superior to others. We…no I deserve to be GOD! Only I can clean up this disgusting world! Only Me! And when I finally destroy you I retake your body, then I will get L to trust me…heh maybe I will make him fall in love with me, become totally devoted to my will…then I will kill him in the worse way possible, but before he dies I will make sure that he knows that the person that he trusted, the one he loved most…betrayed and murdered him. HAHAHAAHAHA.”


Fury had been building with each word that came out of Kira’s mouth. At the end of it all Raito could see was red. His sight was tunneled and at the end of that tunnel was the problem, the threat, and it needed to be eliminated. Raito in a quick sense of clarity knew now why he was having this god damned nightmare. Before he could redeem himself he need to destroy that last part of himself that still wanted to destroy everything, the part of him that only wanted to rule over others, the sense of self that didn’t care about anyone but himself. The dark side of himself that manifested as the monster named Kira.

Even after that thought came to him it quickly left again leaving only the rage. Kira had said that he had only relayed on his intelligence, well he’ll give him something else to work against.

A wave of pure wrath seemed to well out of Raito suddenly covering his body in a haze cloud of red, it seemed to startle Kira enough that he let his guard down enough to gap in awe and slight fear.

It was all the opening that Raito needed.


“I will not let you touch him!”


With that battle cry Raito fell on Kira’s startled form and just started to savagely rip apart his enemy. Kira tried to fight back but it seemed like Raito had been strengthen ten times what he had been before when the threat of Ryuzaki had been uttered. Kira was only now realizing his mistake, but by then it was too late.
Raito let his long nails rip large gashes on both Kira’s face and chest. It was hard to tell that Kira was bleeding at all considering he had already been covered in blood to begin with. The blood that had covered his hands previously from what he believed to have been Ryuzaki’s mixed in with Kira’s, seemingly almost like he was washing his hands clean with the blood of his enemy, washing away the blood of his only friend.

But the loud cries of pain and anger that came out of Kira’s mouth told Raito that he was doing some damage at least.

Raito finally getting tired of the fight, wrapped his hands around Kira’s throat and tighten his grip.
Strangely enough Raito felt no pleasure at killing his dark self. The rage had completely left him and all he felt was a sense of pity and sadness. It was not Kira’s fault that he existed. It was Raito that picked up the Deathnote, it was Raito that had decided to try it out, it was Raito that decided that he would kill criminals in the belief that he was bettering the world. Kira only started to exist when Raito had decided that he would become a god and created a new world in what he believed the world should be like. That he would become Judge, Jury, and Executioner of the new world that he would create.

When the life finally left the red eyes of the self proclaimed god Raito slowly took his hands away from the newly deceased Kira. He slowly lifted his hand and gently closed the glazed eyes.

Raito closed his own eyes for a moment and just sat there, giving the now deceased part of him a moment of silence. After a few minutes of that he slowly got to his feet, the pain that racked his body reminded him that he was injured.

Groaning almost silently he shuffled slowly towards the still nonmoving form of his friend.

When he got there he was horrified to find that while he had been fighting Kira the puddle of blood that had been pouring out of Ryuzaki had almost doubled in size.

“Ryuzaki? Come on you can get up he’s gone now, gone for good so there’s no more reason to play dead…get up…please just get up…”

Raito slowly kneeled down in the growing puddle and reached out his hands, absentmindedly noting that they were faintly trembling, from fear or exhaustion he didn’t know nor cared. All that mattered at that moment was weather Ryuzaki was alive or…

Raito shook that trail of thought quickly before it could set root. Ryuzaki had fallen face first so Raito couldn’t see his face, with grim determination Raito steeled himself and gripped Ryuzaki’s shoulders being mindful of the broken wings on his back, he quickly jerked him around so he would be on his back instead.
Raito couldn’t stop the gasp of shock from leaving his dropped jaw for the life of him. Because what he saw wasn’t in any scenario that he could have ever imagined.

There was Ryuzaki, neither dead nor dying nor pass out or anything to that magnitude.

What Raito saw that had shocked him so utterly was the expression on Ryuzaki’s face.

Ryuzaki was conscious and what was more was he was smiling.

----

“Hello Raito-kun”

Raito was speechless. That was the only thing that could explain why his jaw keep moving up and down but no sound came out. Finally he managed to crook out a question.

“Ryuzaki?”

But Ryuzaki shook his head and started to try to sit up. Raito saw that he was having a little trouble and quickly without thinking reached out to help him.

Ryuzaki looked startled at the held out hand. He stared at it for a second and then looked at Raito with an unreadable expression on his face. After a moment a small smile broke out on his face. Raito found himself speechless for the second time in only a few minutes.

Ryuzaki was quick to take his hand after that and after a little stubbing they both were standing up, well as much as they could with being injured and all.

They just stood there for an unknown amount of time just looking at each other. Finally Ryuzaki broke the small staring contest to look at the body of his previous tormentor.

“It must have been hard. He may have been evil but he had been a part of you, and to kill any part of yourself would cause anyone pain.”

Raito also looked at the body of his darker half and gave a half sigh.

“It was hard, but it was both necessary and enviable. We could no longer occupy the same body, it was either him or me and my survival instinct was better I guess.”

Ryuzaki shot him another unreadable expression before a smirk formed on his face.

“Yes survival instinct…I’m sure that was what kept you alive and what enviably won you that fight…strange it only came out when he started to threaten me…you turn an interesting shade of red Raito-kun.”

Raito could practically taste the smugness that oozed out of Ryuzaki right now.

He quickly decided to change the subject; it was just something he wasn’t yet ready to face.

“You are not really Ryuzaki.” Raito stated matter-of-factly.

Ryuzaki nodded his head in agreement.

“Yes we are in your mind now, more specifically your inner psyche. After you merged with your past self after arriving back in the year 2004 you went into a light coma. It was necessary in order for the transaction to fully take place. What the Mother and King had not expected was even without the memories the shade of Kira still resided inside your younger self. It didn’t matter that the memories were gone Kira still lived on inside of you. To completely gain control of your new life you had to destroy that shade of Kira completely. Now that you have you can really regain your chance for your redemption.”

“One question, who are you and how do you know all of this? I know you’re not created by my mind.”

Raito was curious but he was also cautious. He knew unlike the dead Kira that this Ryuzaki had not originated from him.

“You are correct I’m not something you made up. Let me tell you a little information that the King failed to tell you. All Notes that the King creates has some sentinel conscious, Kira was actually the conscious that resided in the Deathnote, though the essence only has vague feelings and not much intelligence to begin with, but you poured your dreams and ambitions in the deathnote its really no surprise that it was able to manifested into something with more higher thought.”

While Raito was processing all that Ryuzaki was saying; he came to a sudden conclusion.

“You are the essence in my Lifenote aren’t you?”

“Good job Raito-kun, yes I am the core of the Lifenote, I took the form of the one closes to you in the hope that you would talk with me easier, but before I could even do that, the essence from the deathnote Kira, got a hold of me and put me in some type of bind. It was stronger then me at the time because it was more bonded to you then you were to me, and we are in your mind so that just made it that much stronger then me. It-“

Ryuzaki or the being that had Ryuzaki’s face cut off mind explanation. He tilted his head to one side much like when the real Ryuzaki did when he was thinking about something or listening to something important.

“I’m sorry to say that it seems our time will have to be cut short. The human that I had taken the appearance of seems intent on waking you. You did say something quite stupid of you before you passed out.”

Raito was trying to figure out what he meant by that but he couldn’t really remember if he had said something or not. The pain had been bad, really, really bad.


Raito still had some questions left so hurried to ask them.

“Will we meet again?”

Ryuzaki looked at him in surprise. Probably at his choice of question.

“Not like this. Well, not unless it is a life or death situation. We will be able to somewhat communicate empathically.”

“What do you mean?”

“Emotions Raito-kun emotions, I will be able to communicate what I feel on a certain situation just as you can do with me. Maybe in the future we could communicate telepathically but our bond is too weak at the moment right now. We do occupy the same mindset in a sense. I hope you don’t mind that because with you being immortal now and me being your note we are going to be together for a long time. For what’s going to happen now is that the energy that I’m using right now in taking this form and talking to you is taking a lot out of me. I will most likely go into a light coma myself after this. So don’t worry if you won’t be able to feel me for a while. It will take a while to build up energy again. You may still use the LifeNote but I will just be sleeping if you will. Now that we have that taken care of we have to deal with Kira.”


Now Raito was really puzzled. He was surprised to realize that he didn’t mind sharing his emotions or his mind space with the spirit of the LifeNote. It strangely comforted him instead.

“What should I call you? And what do you mean deal with Kira? Isn’t he already dead?”

Ryuzaki had moved over to the still body of Kira and looking at it and murmuring to himself. At Raito’s question he looked up from where they had been looking at the corpse.

“Oh, well I don’t really have a name so you can just keep calling me Ryuzaki if you want or maybe Zaki instead it would probably be easier to call me that instead of Ryuzaki, you wouldn’t want to mix me up with the real one. As to what I meant about Kira…do you want to have his corpse laying in your mind for eternity?”

Raito couldn’t help the small flush that spread threw his cheeks at that statement.

“No of course not but how do you propose we get rid of it?” Raito couldn’t help but scowl, his pride was still smarting by his uncharacteristic response to Zaki’s question.

“For you absorb him of course.” Zaki said in a voice that shouted ‘duh’.

“Huh? What do you mean absorb him? How would I do that? Why would I do that?”

Zaki gave a small sigh that just spelled that his patience was at its limit. He turned to Raito and gestured him to come over to where he was standing. Raito was still kind of wary but he did as he was told. After walking the short distance he stood next to Zaki and waited for him to explain.

He didn’t have to wait long.

“Ok we don’t have much time, the real Ryuzaki is getting really impatient with his inability to wake you…I think he’s about to use the shock paddles, you know what they use to electric you with, most likely to get your heart racing and hopefully wake you up. Your father and the others are restraining him now but I don’t know how long they will be able to do that for. Heh you really did a stupid thing when you called out his name.”

Now Raito was alarmed. L wouldn’t do that…would he?

“Wait what do you mean I called out his name? Which one?...oh no, tell me I didn’t…”

“Yes you called out his true name. Not very loudly I might say but enough for at least two people to hear you, one being L himself.”

“And the other?”

“Heh, Matsuda.”

“Ah great just fucking great. Can my life get any more freaking complicated?!”

“Yes but we won’t go into that right now." {whisper} (It really depends on the writer’s muse’s mood swings)

“Huh did you say something?”

“No it was nothing, now as to why you may want to absorb your darker half that’s just it, weather you like it or not he is your other half and you will always be complete without him. He is dead in all the ways that matter so he will not influence you anymore. With him dead he no longer holds the deathnote’s taint; he is just your darker emotions now. And you can not have love and joy without hate and sadness. So you must absorb him Raito-kun, if you want to be human again. Or as much as a human as anyone in your position could be.”

Raito took a deep breath as he took in all that the spirit of his Lifenote said. He saw the logic in it and decided that what the spirit said was true.

“Ok then how do I absorb my darker emotions?”

“It’s quite simple; there are two ways to do that. You could devour him.”

“Wh-what you mean eat him?! No!”

“I thought you might not like that option so lets go with option number two.”

There was a small pause as Zaki seemed to puzzle out how he was going to explain the second option.

Finally Raito got tired of waiting and asked.

“And that is…?”

“Well it’s not to much different from the first option…let’s just get in position and I will explain it from there. Face him face to face.”

Raito lifted an eyebrow at that odd request but did as he was told. He crouched down till he was slightly hovering over his dead self. He looked at the face of the darkness that had taken over and ruined his life. It was slacken in death, almost peaceful seeming really.

“Ok now what?”

“Now…kiss him.”


Silence.


“WHAT!”

“You heard me, just do what I said.”

“Bu-but...”

“No Raito-kun you must absorb him and the only way to do that is to become connected to him intimately. We could always go with the first option eating him; the third option involves necrophilia so I’m not even going to think about that.”

Raito still looked at him like he lost his mind. Zaki sighed and tiredly started to explain again. That sigh reminded Raito that the spirit was still injured and was still using a lot of energy. Energy that was running out fast, Raito quickly made a decision.

“It’s ok; you don’t have to explain again, I’ll do it.”

Zaki looked fairly shocked before he realized why Raito agreed so readily. He just gave out a tired smile before fading somewhat.

“Thank you, the kiss doesn’t have to be a big one, just a press of lips will do it, after that you should absorb him and wake up. I for one will be taking a well deserved nap. Just being newly created and then having been tortured and molested by my owners darker half can take a lot out of a note like me. It will be a while till we can communicate again either emotionally or otherwise, so you be careful, hmm I should probably heal us first before leaving.”

With that a soft glow seemed to cover both Zaki and Raito. When it left a moment latter, the wounds on both of them were gone. Zaki’s wings where still rapped in chains but it was more like the chains where gently covering the wings, now seemingly to protect them instead of constricting them. Raito’s broken wing had also healed and the blood that had covered him from the fight with Kira was all gone. It was like he had been cleansed. A brand new beginning.

“Goodnight Raito-kun”

Raito had blushed red when Zaki had reminded him that his darker half had…touched him. He quickly got that under enough control to also wish his note a goodnight and thank you for healing him, promising that he would be careful.

With that the spirit of the LifeNote faded from view. Now it was just Raito and the corpse of his dark emotions that dwelled in the vast dark of Raito inner psyche.

‘Ok then let’s get this over with.’

With that thought Raito unhesitantly bent down and touched his lips to his lifeless darker half.

---

Raito slowly became aware little by little; at first he had the feeling like he was floating, that nothing could touch him. A soft darkness seemed to surround him unlike the darkness that had surrounded him so long ago; this darkness was gently allowing him to relax. Sadly it did not last long.

All too soon a nagging feeling started to disturb his peaceful rest. Raito tried to stay asleep but soon the feeling persisted to an almost maddening irritation.

The first thing that Raito was became aware of was the noise. A little ways towards his right side a hush conversation was taking place. They were speaking to low and fast for him to be able to tell what they where saying but by the way he could feel eyes staring at him it was no bet that he was the subject of that conversation.

Raito inwardly gave a small sigh of irritation. The darkness had been so relaxing, but it seemed that his return from la la land wasn’t going to be pleasant.

Raito was just wondering where he was and what happened when he was bombarded with memories.

‘That’s right…I was in Mu…then the Shinigami King took me out…made me into a hybrid shinigami…took me to meet the little mother…then they gave me a note, a lifenote…then pain oh god time traveling hurts, remind me never to do that again…let’s see after that I merged with my younger self, ah that was painful too, what is it with redemption and pain anyway? Is this like a test of my pain threshold or something? Geez…after that…Oh god that nightmare…shit that’s going to haunt me for a while yet…Zaki…hn figures that the notes would have a live core…I mean with all that other weird shit that’s been happening to me lately the idea of my lifenote having a sentinel being in it isn’t really that surprising…but why did he half to take on the form of Ryuzaki? I know that Ryuzaki is the only one I really got along with, at least in some twisted way because at the time we were trying to kill each other…but not this time…this time I will not become Kira! I will strive to get L to trust me and then we…what? Become real friends? Ahh I don’t know! I’ll just have to deal with it when I get there.”

While Raito had been remembering what had happen he failed to notice the commotion that was taking place next to him.

He only really became aware of his surroundings when he heard a voice say.

“-ok hand me the crash panels…”

With that quick phrase Raito deemed it would be beneficial to his health if he alerted the others of his waken state. So Raito still with his eyes closed and not moving an inch said in a calm controlled manner.

“Ryuzaki if you value your family jewels then I wouldn’t even think about trying to shock me awake, especially since I’m already awake.”

Silence. Then.

“Raito-kun is very unpleasant when he wakes up; it seems that we will not need the crash cart after all. You may take it away Watari.”

Raito struggled to regain his senses as he slowly rose from the couch that was sitting in the middle of the control room. It seemed that someone had decided that he deserved some comfort when he had been in his light coma like state.

‘More then likely my dad and the others decided that. Ryuzaki would have been just as happy with leaving me in that hard cold unforgiving cell. Asshole.’

Raito started to look around. He was startled to see that only Ryuzaki and Watari were with him in the room.

“Where are my dad and the others?”

“Ah I sent them to wait outside. Your father was getting a bit hysterical and the others weren’t helping so I made Watari take them to the room next door. I guess I should tell them your awake…your father’s most likely has already broken the door that I locked them in with.”

Raito just stared at Ryuzaki for a moment.

“You locked my father in a room while I was passed out?! Are you trying to give him a heart attack or something!?”

Ryuzaki gave him a withering look.

“No Yagami-kun I was not trying to kill Yagami-san, I just didn’t want him to get in the way of me trying to wake you.”

Raito flushed somewhat, which mortified him like nothing else. He had never given himself away by facial expressions before. And it showed because Ryuzaki suddenly looked in wonder at Raito’s uncharacteristic display of emotion.

Raito noted that Ryuzaki had called him Yagami-kun instead of Raito-kun.

‘Probably mad at me for questioning his royal ass, hn he should know by now that I’m no simple minded lackey of his. So…I wonder how I’m going to explain the attack?’

Before they got the chance to start bickering again the door that connected the control room to the hallway burst open.

“Don’t worry Raito! I will help you, I won’t let that pervert use electric shock on you…”

Yagami broke off mid sentence when he saw his son sitting up and looking at him with a startled look on his face.
There was a more then slightly uncomfortable silence for a minute before Raito decided to end it by giving his father a way out. Though Raito had to admit the expression that Ryuzaki wore at being called a pervert by his father was priceless. At any other time Raito would have had to discard his polite mask and laughed himself silly.

“Hello father, yes I’m awake, yes I feel fine, no Ryuzaki didn’t use the crash panels on me. I must have had a small panic attack; it’s not that unlikely considering the pressure that we are in. But I’m alright now and I don’t feel any side effects, so everything’s ok now.”

Yagami still looked worried but had calmed down some when Raito started talking. After Raito was done speaking Yagami looked like he would melt into the floor with relief. His worried worn face relaxed into a much more pleasant expression.

“Are you sure Raito? Because Kira investigation or no Kira investigation I will not let your health be effected, you are my son and will always come first.”

At any other time the way his father was acting would have annoyed him, but now all it did was warm him from the inside out. Raito started to really look at the people around him. After his father had stormed inside the room the other people in the investigation had been quick to follow. While his father and the others started to ague with L about locking them in a room, Raito took the time to examine everyone and to come up with a plan of action.

His father looked just like he remembered him. But Raito noticed that he looked at lot more worn and tired then the first time…or was it that Raito was only just now paying attention? Raito felt a flash of guilt and shame. When he had been bent on world conquest he had not given his family a second thought. He resolved to change that this time.

He turned his attention to the others. Aizawa looked the same as ever, still had that ridicules afro hairdo. Raito was only slightly comfortable remembering that Aizawa gets it all cut off in the near future. Mogi was still a silent giant as ever, watching everything and everyone. Matsuda was…well nothing had changed at all about Matsuda, funnily enough Raito felt no resentment over the fact that Matsuda had shot him. Matsuda was Matsuda and that was enough for Raito.

Watari had come back into the room. Probably had to take the time to hide the evidence that L had wanted to shock Raito awake.

Thinking about that Raito couldn’t help but be puzzled. Why would Ryuzaki want to electrocute him? He knew that L didn’t have that much patience but still, to use such drastic measures to wake him up? Why would he-

Then Raito remembered what his Lifenote Zaki had said. Before passing out in pain he had called out L’s true name.


‘Shit, shit, double freaking shit. Not only did L hear me say his name, which I shouldn’t know but Matsuda also heard me. God damn it will the freaking universe give me a freaking break?!’

What happened next seemed to answer his question and not in a positive way for Raito.


“Hey Raito-kun, I wanted to ask you, who’s name did you callout earlier? What was it…Lawliet or something like that?”

Everyone became silent as they all looked at Matsuda in confusion except for three people. Raito who was trying to keep the panic he was feeling from showing tried to put on a mask of confusion too, in the hopes that it would seemed that he had no idea what Matsuda was saying. The other two people who did not have any confusion on their faces were L and Watari. They both weren’t even looking at Matsuda; they were both staring at Raito.

Raito didn’t really know what to do; he hadn’t really had the time to format a plan at all. Everything just seemed to happen so fast. So Raito did the only thing he could think of.


He played dumb.


“What are you talking about Matsuda? I don’t remember saying anything, unless you mean me screaming in pain?”

Matsuda flushed in embarrassment, but did not give up like Raito had been hoping he would.

“No I heard you, you said someone’s name…I know you did…didn’t anyone else hear anything?”

Matsuda looked around the room hopefully, but was discouraged to see everyone else shake their heads negative. He then looked at L and Watari hopefully.

“How about you Ryuzaki-san? You were right beside me, surly you heard Raito-kun?”

Raito held his breath as everyone looked at L with curious expressions on their faces. L’s face was blank, the look he got when he was thinking about something really hard. His arm came up and he started to naw on his thumb.
Raito had the strangest urge right then. He wanted to get up from the couch and go over to Ryuzaki and take that poor neglected thumb from Ryuzaki’s sharp teeth and…put it into his own mouth?!

‘What the hell?! I did not just…ok maybe it’s like a maternity feeling…yes Ryuzaki is just like a child and if he continues to naw on that thumb much longer it will start to bleed…it’s normal to want to smooth it with my tongue…NO IT ISN’T!!’


While Raito was feeling like his head was going to explode, not to mention he was beating down a truly extraordinary blush, L decided to finally answer.

“No I don’t really remember Raito-kun saying anything, he wouldn’t really have been able to anyway Matsuda, he was to busy screaming. Maybe the stress is getting to you, it defiantly seems to be getting to Raito-kun here…”

Matsuda blushed horribly and sat down on one of the chairs, chastised.

Raito only felt a brief flash of pity for him, because he had truly heard Raito say something. It was just something that no one should have heard.

Watari had moved over towards Raito while the others started to chastise Matsuda on wasting time on things he imagined he heard.

“Are you sure you are ok Yagami-kun? If you need to we could move you down to the 7th floor infirmity. We could also get you a discrete doctor if you are feeling any after effects from your attack.”

Raito was shocked at Watari’s caring altitude directed towards him. Though he really shouldn’t be, Watari was a considerate nice man; Raito felt another wave of guilt at the idea that he had also caused this kind old man’s death.

“No thank you Watari-san; that will not be necessary I feel find if a little tired and hungry.”

“Well then I will fetch you some supper, it’s not surprising that you are hungry, you have been out of it for almost 17 hours.”

Raito felt shocked at that detail.

“17 hours?!”

Ryuzaki finally seemed to break away from his co-workers that seemed to be not so discreetly screaming for his blood and walked over to were Raito and Watari were talking, he came next to Watari just as Raito had exclaimed his shock.

“Yes Yagami-kun you have been out for almost a day, so you can understand our concern. Now let me go get dinner for everyone, I don’t think anyone else has the energy to go out to get take-out.”

With that said Watari took his leave out the door, just before he left though he gave L unreadable look. L seemed to get the message and heaved a heavily put out sigh.

“Well now that it seems that Raito-kun is awake and appears to be undamaged let’s just go back to work, Aizawa-san if you would please handcuff and blindfold Raito-kun we should-“


L never had the chance to continue because the room became an uproar of protesting voices. Yagami being the loudest.

“No you will not be putting my son back into that cell! It was what probably made him have that attack, not to mention you accusing him again and again of being Kira! I will not let my son go back under those conditions. Next time we might not be this lucky! So you better come up with another idea L-san because confiding my son isn’t going to work.”

Everyone else seemed to also agree with what Yagami was saying. Surprisingly it was Mogi that mention that if Raito was suffering from confinement and isolation than Misa might also have an attack soon. The others in the group quickly decided that Misa should also be released.

Raito could tell that Ryuzaki was really getting annoyed. To anyone else it would seem that Ryuzaki was just standing there with a blank facial expression, just listening to his co-workers ague about his methods. To Raito’s eyes he could see that Ryuzaki’s shoulders were hunched over a bit more then they usually were, and his head was titled to the side just a bit in what was a clear signal of frustration, also his lips were just a bit plushed around his thumb. Signaling that he was most likely tearing into his skin a lot harder then normal.

Raito decided to head off the enviable explosion before it could build up any more.

“Father, everyone please, I want to thank you for all of your concern but have you forgotten why I and Misa were confined for? Ryuzaki can not release us till he is 100 percent certain that neither of us are Kira. I know and you know that I am not Kira, but we all know how stubborn Ryuzaki is. And if it proves us innocent then health be damned.”


Everyone seemed to be in a bit in shock after Raito’s little speech; even Ryuzaki was looking a little startled. After a moment Ryuzaki gave Raito a small smile of gratitude and heaved another smaller sigh this time before turning towards the others of the group and addressed them.

“I took your protests under consideration earlier, yes Matsuda I knew you would protest, now as I was saying I knew that you would no longer support my decision of having Raito-kun and Misa Misa under confinement and I have taken it under consideration. We all know that the killings stopped for a while after Raito-kun’s and Misa Misa’s confinement but they have started to resume again as you well know. While that does not get you off the hook Raito-kun at all, I can not have you locked up if it will affect your health…so I had Watari make these especially for an occasion like this.”

With that said Ryuzaki started to dig around in his rather large pants pockets and finally pulled something out.

A long set of handcuffs.

After that the shouting started again.

----

Ok I finally found a place to stop. My god, look at the size of this chapter! Man, this is what happens when you get wondrous reviews from readers and you drink at least 4 servings of AMP caffeinated energy drinks and two boxes of pocky…it’s like Frankenstein’s monster…it’s alive it’s alive! Hehe sorry still kind of jittery.

Ok I don’t know where Zaki came from…hell I don’t really know where the whole nightmare scene came from, it was only suppose to be 5 pages long 6 tops! Instead it turned out 20 pages long; this whole chapter is at least 25 pages long. It just got away from me I guess…anyway thank you all who have reviewed. This extra long chapter is for all of my very patient readers who have been waiting a lot longer then I promised it would be. I do not really know when the next chapter will be out; it may be a while because this chapter kind of burnt me out. Don’t fear that that means I’m quitting or anything, I’m just going to take a week or two off then I’ll start thinking of this story again. Oww my head hurts…{*hint* pity the poor writer and review to make her feel better.}

I hope you all like it…I know it might seem like I’m rushing threw things but I’m not really, a lot of stuff needs to happen before I can get to a plot…yes you heard me I said PLOT! I have a half formed idea in my head of where this story will be going…and I have to say it will defiantly be original…most likely because I don’t know if anyone else would do something so utterly insane (actually I kind of like it but {shrugs} can’t let my muse hear that or she’ll get a swelled head)

Tell me what you think please…do you like the way this story is going? Do you like how Raito and the other’s have acted so far? How about L, do you like him? Do you like my OC Zaki? He’s like my Little Mother character I didn’t know about him till he introduced himself. Talk to me people!!!
PUSH THE REVIEW BUTTON! (Uses the hypnotic powers that the caffeine has given her)