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The Sexual Misadventures of the Sanzo Ikkou	By : Nuwanda Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 3916 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura. I don't own any part of it and I make no profit off it.....I own nothing, kiddos.

Chapter List
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Hakkai washed dishes furiously. Gojyo had managed to get the sauce burned to the bottom of the pan….unsurprisingly. He was sort of glad. It gave him something to work his frustrations out on, putting all of his anger into scrubbing fiercely at the pan. Since the fiasco of half an hour ago, he hadn’t seen any of the others. He assumed Gojyo was in their room….oh God, their room. He had to share a room with Gojyo. He couldn’t imagine that ending well. Of course, he could endure it….he just couldn’t remember the last time he and Gojyo had had a real fight. It felt so strange. And at this point, he didn’t think that Gojyo would even attempt to speak to him anymore. And to have Gojyo not speaking to him? That was the strangest thing of all. It would be hard to cope with.

Hakkai slowly came to realize that the pan was scrubbed clean, and had been for some time. Sighing, he gave it one last rinse and placed it by the sink to drip dry. He couldn’t avoid the others for much longer. He may as well get ready for bed. If he got in bed early, he could read for a while. That would hopefully distract him from all the problems that had happened that evening.

The door to the room he was sharing with Gojyo was shut, and he opened it slowly. Gojyo was inside, sitting on his bed. His arms were on his knees, head hanging forward, face obscured by his hair. There was an air of hopelessness about him, of frustrated depression, and Hakkai hesitated in the doorway, unsure what to do.

Upon hearing the door, Gojyo looked up. “Hey.”

“…..hello.”

“Don’t mind me.” Gojyo rose from the bed, moving to his bag, never once looking at Hakkai. “I’m leaving.”

“….leaving?” Hakkai felt a momentary stir of panic. Just how upset was Gojyo?

“…I’m going to take a shower.” Gojyo appeared to sense Hakkai’s unease, and that seemed to relax him somewhat, as if he were reassured that Hakkai didn’t completely hate him. “And you can have the room. I‘m gonna sleep on the couch.”

Hakkai felt a wave of guilt. “You don’t have to…”

“Its fine.” Gojyo interrupted, looking away again. Hakkai was silent, not knowing what to say. “…..I’ll see you later.” And Gojyo left, arms full of clothes.

Hakkai simply stood there for a moment, staring after Gojyo, before sinking to the bed, at a loss for what to do. No matter how upset he was with Gojyo for what he had done, it was still Gojyo. Gojyo, who picked him up out of the rain, who was always by his side, who never judged him….and what was he doing now but judging Gojyo?

But its different, a little voice insisted. How? He thought to himself. How is it different? But deep down, in a spot he was uncomfortable thinking about, a place he had suppressed all these years, he knew the answer. Because he had feelings for Gojyo.

He had tried so hard to ignore the feelings, at first because he simply felt so terribly guilty. When Kanan had died, Hakkai had never expected to love anyone again. Yet somehow, Gojyo had wormed his way into Hakkai’s heart, without him ever noticing. Then, the feelings deepened, and Hakkai was terrified that Gojyo would find out and be horrified, disgusted, would throw Hakkai out of the house, and then Hakkai would lose Gojyo completely. He couldn’t bear it if that happened. So all feelings were shoved away, hidden so deep within that he himself had almost forgotten that they had existed. But now they had resurfaced, and with a vengeance.

When he had entered the previous inn and seen Gojyo and Sanzo naked together…..a growl rumbled deep in his chest at the memory. He had felt his blood burn, an uncomfortable feeling in his gut. Jealousy had risen. Mine, he had thought. Mineminemine. And he had no right to. But in a way, Gojyo was his. And he was Gojyo’s. All these years, they had been there for each other. Gojyo may have gone off with other women, but he always came home to Hakkai. There had never been another constant in Gojyo’s life…only Hakkai. But now, he had slept with Sanzo, who was also there, every day, and Hakkai didn’t like the challenge. He was supposed to be the only man Gojyo brought to his bed. Him.

But an uncomfortable feeling was rolling in Hakkai’s stomach, and it didn’t take long to figure out what it was. He had kissed Goku. And not just kissed…..he had been contemplating sleeping with him. It wasn’t at all something he would normally do, but it wasn’t hard to see why he had done it. He was jealous. He was so jealous of Gojyo and Sanzo that he had almost let it get the better of him, had almost had sex with Goku in retaliation. And how did that make him any better than Gojyo? The thought bothered him.

The door banged open, surprising and irritating him, and Sanzo entered. “What,” he snapped.

Sanzo stared levelly at him. “Touchy, are we?”

Hakkai tried to calm himself, to force his face into the familiar fake smile he was so accustomed to, but for the first time he could remember, he couldn’t muster it. This shocked him. The mask was second nature by now, coming as naturally as breathing. The fact that an argument with Gojyo could make him lose it…..

“…what do you want, Sanzo?”

Sanzo leaned against the door, too close for Hakkai’s liking. He didn’t want any company just then. “Goku’s in the room. I wanted some space.”

“……..so you came here.” It was a statement, not a question, and Sanzo understood that and didn’t answer. He simply pulled the cigarettes out of his back pocket then looked around.

“…where’s the lighter?” Sanzo glanced around, finally spotting Gojyo’s lighter on top of the nightstand, half buried beneath his wallet. The monk picked it up, lighting the cigarette. “Least that moron’s good for something.”

Something broke in Hakkai then. He didn’t know what did it. His anger at Gojyo, at Sanzo, at himself for letting his restraint slip, or at hearing Sanzo insult Gojyo that way….maybe all of them. He was on his feet before he knew it, inches from Sanzo’s face. “A moron, is he? You slept with him!”

Sanzo stared at him, face a mask of indifference, but his eyes were raging. “So what? That doesn’t change the fact that he’s a moron. You were halfway to home base with the monkey, and God knows he’s not the brightest.”

Hakkai couldn’t contain the fury rolling in his stomach. “Shut up. Just shut up. You just don’t want to admit that you want him. You want him.”

“The monkey? Don’t make me laugh.”

“I don’t hear any laughter.”

That made Sanzo stop talking, and he stared at Hakkai, the anger evident on his face now. “I do not,” he said hotly, “want the monkey.”

“He’s not a monkey! He’s a human being, like you, and you know that! You insist on using that stupid name because it helps you pretend he’s a child still, and you think that’ll stop you from wanting him, but it won’t. It hasn’t. And you know it!”

Before Hakkai knew what was happening, Sanzo had him slammed up against the wall. “Fuck you! You don’t know anything about it!”

“I know more than you do! You’re so dishonest with yourself!”

Sanzo laughed. “Oh yeah? Because you’re the example of honesty we should all follow? Fuck you, Hakkai. You’ve been lying to yourself for years. We all know how you feel about Gojyo.”

Hakkai stared at Sanzo, for the moment at a loss for words. Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, Sanzo was all too happy to continue.

“Everyone knows. Everyone except the damn kappa himself. He’s even more oblivious than you.”

“Shut up.”

“Doesn’t have a fucking clue. At least him sleeping with me wasn’t done out of malice, like your actions with Goku.”

“Shut up!” Hakkai couldn’t bear that. He hadn’t meant anything bad by it, he really hadn’t. But Sanzo…Sanzo was making him feel horrible, just awful, like he was the one who had wronged Gojyo, and he just wanted to lash out, to strike someone.

“Or what? You gonna lecture me, teacher?”

And then Hakkai couldn’t help it, he really couldn’t. Pressed against the wall the way he was, there wasn’t much room to pull back for a punch, but he took a swing anyway. But before his fist connected, Sanzo caught it, pinning Hakkai’s wrist against the wall, and kissing him.

~*~

Gojyo made his way to the bathroom. A shower would be nice. Stand under the hot water, see if the steam would clear his head. He doubted it, but it was worth a shot. The water had always calmed him, helped him see things more clearly.

He turned on the water as hot as it could go and stripped, climbing in and standing beneath the pounding spray, head tipped back, eyes shut tight. It was scalding, hot enough that he felt as though his scalp would tear off, but he welcomed the feeling. It was a wonderful reprieve from all the shit that was happening outside his current cozy oasis. The water drowned out any other noise, any other problems that could be happening at that very moment. While I’m in here, he thought, I’m safe. Everything is okay.

He remembered when he was little, how he would sit in the bathtub when he was upset or afraid. Just crawl into the empty tub and sit in it. He couldn’t count the number of times Jien had found him there, scared or lonely or crying, or any mixture of unhappy, painful feelings. He could remember Jien climbing in beside him, holding him while he cried, stroking his hair, comforting him. Worse were the times he hid there while Jien was with his mother, hid from the noises he didn’t want to hear, noises no child should ever have to hear.

He shook his head hard, water droplets flying from his hair. He’d come to the shower to escape bad thoughts, not relive old ones, reopen old wounds.

Gojyo didn’t even realize how long he’d been in the shower until the water began turning cold. He smiled, a wry twist of the lips. Now he really had no choice but to get out. He’d never been a big fan of cold showers.

He shut the water off and shoved the curtain open, and was just wrapping a towel around his waist when the door opened. His heart skipped a horrified little beat; but it was Goku who entered the room, and amazingly, looked surprised to see Gojyo there.

“Oh, hey,” he said. Gojyo couldn’t help but smile.

“Don’t you know how to knock, kid? Besides, didn’t you hear the shower running?”

Goku shrugged. “Guess I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Well that’s nothing new.”

“Shuttup, wrinkled kappa.”

“Hey, I am not wrinkled. One perk to being a kappa…it takes a lot to wrinkle us.”

Goku laughed, and Gojyo grinned, bending over to grab the clean pants he’d brought with him. “If you’ve come to take a shower, hate to tell you, but all the hot water’s gone.”

“S’okay. Was just gonna brush my teeth.”

“Yea?” He straightened up, tugging on his jeans as he went. “Good. Last thing I need is someone else mad at me.”

The room was silent for a moment, and Gojyo was worried he’d said something wrong. “…..Hakkai’s mad at you?” Goku’s voice was slightly muffled, toothbrush in his mouth.

Gojyo laughed, but the sound was bitter. “Understatement of the century.”

“How come?” Goku spit out his mouthful of toothpaste, turning to look at Gojyo, and he looked so concerned that Gojyo just wanted to hug him. Sometimes the kid really could be cute as hell.

Gojyo shook his head. “Don’t know. I mean, I do know….its the shit with Sanzo, but……he won’t really explain what about it made him mad. I wanna talk about it, but…..he won’t. He won’t talk to me.” Having spoken the words aloud, they truly sank in at last: Hakkai wasn’t speaking to him. His chest ached. He felt ill. Having Hakkai ignore him was like being alone again. He couldn’t last without Hakkai.

He realized Goku was watching him and he gave a shaky laugh. “Sorry. Don’t worry about it. We’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah?” Goku sounded unsure.

“Yea.” He smiled, punching Goku’s shoulder. “How about you? What exactly was going on this afternoon? What’s up with this?” A fingertip pushed aside Goku’s shirt collar, brushing one purple mark that he didn’t think had been there yesterday, that wasn’t one of Hakkai’s.

Goku flushed, and it was only half out of embarrassment. Half of it was frustration, anger. “Sanzo. Sanzo was……he touched me….” Gojyo’s brows shot up at that. He hadn’t expected that the kid and the monk had gone that far……true, Goku’s pants had been undone, but still….that’s a pretty big step for cherry-chan. “…..but he wouldn’t kiss me.”

It was easy to see the problem. Without kisses, touching was just so….impersonal. It could be anyone touching you. “Gee, I’m sorry, Goku.”

Something changed in Goku then….a sort of recognition in his eyes, a realization as a thought dawned, and Gojyo immediately felt the first stirrings of unease. “…hey……Gojyo?”

“…….yea?” Gojyo had a feeling he wasn’t going to like where this was going.

Goku moved closer. “You……you know a lot about kissing….”

Shit. Gojyo definitely didn’t like where this was going. “Um….yea….I do….but…”

“And Sanzo wouldn’t like it if I kissed you….”

“Yea. He wouldn’t. Which is a very good reason not to do it. Remember that gun he carries around? Do you want him to use it on us? Or me, rather? Cuz he actually likes you. And I’d rather not die, thanks.”

“He wouldn’t shoot you.”

“Um, yea, I think there’s a pretty fucking good chance he would. Besides…” he broke off.

“Besides?” God, Goku was close, and what the fuck, his hands were running up Gojyo’s chest, and Gojyo still didn’t have a shirt on, and this was not good, was not good at all.

“……Goku…….” He didn’t know how to put it nicely, to tell Goku that he didn’t want this, that he wasn’t interested, that the only person he wanted was Hakkai. But then Goku was kissing him and oh fuck oh fuck oh FUCK. He broke away immediately. “Fuck, Goku, I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Goku looked confused. “Why? You slept with Sanzo.”

“God, is that going to follow me for the rest of my fucking life?” But from the way the past few days had gone, he had no doubt that he would never live it down. “It was spur of the moment, and God, do I regret it.”

“……..does he suck in bed?”

“Fuck, Goku, that’s not the point!” Any other time the question would have been hilarious, and Gojyo tried to file it away in his head, to laugh about it later, sometime when things were back to normal. If they were ever back to normal. Right now, he had other things to focus on. Gojyo shook his head. “Look, I’ve made enough of a mess of things already. I just can’t do this, okay? I’m sorry.”

Goku stared at him for a moment, as though trying to work through things. At least he didn’t look upset….just….thoughtful. “….okay. I’m sorry, Gojyo. Thanks.” And he left.

Gojyo stared after him. “……..fuck,” he said again, voice unnaturally loud in the otherwise silent room. “This is way too much sexual activity for one day.”

~*~

Hakkai’s back was pressed up against the wall, Sanzo’s lips against his own; he stared at Sanzo with wide, shocked eyes. He had no idea what was going on, why Sanzo would kiss him. Sanzo cared for Goku, and Goku alone. True, he had slept with Gojyo, but that was different. Gojyo was different. Gojyo slept with lots of people….but Hakkai squashed that thought immediately. He was thinking of it as if Gojyo was some sort of slut, and he wasn’t, he wasn’t at all. And that had brought a whole new thought to mind….had Sanzo used Gojyo for that reason? Had he chosen Gojyo because the kappa was……well……less….uptight?…than the rest of them? And that wasn’t even the right way to put it. It wasn’t like Gojyo was morally corrupt or something. He was a good person. Hakkai was so frustrated, at a loss for how to think of it, what to term it. It hurt, thinking that he could think of Gojyo in such ways, believe him to have loose morals. And to imagine that maybe that’s what Sanzo thought……..no, he was certain Sanzo thought that. But to consider for a moment that maybe that was the reason why Sanzo had sought out that encounter, automatically assuming Gojyo wouldn’t mind a cheap quick sexual interlude….all of it made him angry and confused, and then he realized that he was still kissing Sanzo, had been for some time now.

He shoved Sanzo away forcefully. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Sanzo quirked an eyebrow at him. “Thought you were the smart one. I mean, the kappa asked me the same question, but he’s a moron.”

Hakkai felt that anger again, still not quite sure what exactly he was angry about. Sanzo’s jibe at his intelligence, at Gojyo’s supposed stupidity….maybe at the reminder of his little affair with Gojyo…..Hakkai’s fists clenched in the front of Sanzo’s shirt, his rage welling in him. Sanzo’s only reaction was to smile, amusement at Hakkai’s anger plain on his face, and Hakkai couldn’t take it any more. With one sharp tug, he roughly pulled Sanzo to him, kissing him hard.

Sanzo seemed surprised, but he didn’t pull away, kissing Hakkai back with none of the anger that Hakkai was showing, but with equal passion. He was still upset from everything that had happened with Goku, and this was definitely an easy way to vent those feelings. He didn’t like having to think about it. No matter what he liked to believe, Hakkai was right….Sanzo cared about Goku, loathe as he was to admit it. It was much easier to lose himself in the physical machinations of another than to sit dwelling on his encounter with Goku, on Hakkai’s angry words.

Sanzo kissed nothing like Gojyo. It was rough, forceful. Gojyo’s kisses had been soft, tender, yet there had been an air of almost desperation to them….as though he were desperate to prove to Hakkai how much he cared. And Hakkai realized suddenly how very much he had misjudged Gojyo’s actions. Gojyo did care for him, despite everything he had done wrong, despite the mess he’d made of everything. He, Hakkai, was the one behaving spitefully.

He broke away from Sanzo. “What are we doing.”

Sanzo arched an eyebrow again. “You’re asking stupid questions again.”

Hakkai’s eyes narrowed. “This is stupid, and you know it.”

But Hakkai was thinking now, and Sanzo didn’t want to think. “Shut up.” He kissed Hakkai again, and the door opened.

Goku stopped dead, staring. Nothing short of Goku’s presence would have torn Sanzo from that kiss, but he pulled away now as if he had been shot. “…….Goku.” The name sounded strangled.

Goku was staring at the two men, his eyes moving between them. The look he gave Hakkai was one of disbelief, of utter betrayal, and Hakkai felt a pang in his chest, a feeling of overwhelming guilt. He hadn’t just reacted in anger at Gojyo….he had unthinkingly hurt Goku. No, not even unthinkingly. He had told himself about Sanzo’s feelings for Goku, and he knew that Goku felt the same, tenfold…..why hadn’t he stopped sooner?

Worse still was the look that Goku regarded Sanzo with. Hakkai didn’t even know how he would describe it. Goku looked as though his heart was broken, completely broken. Then, after a moment or two, his eyes narrowed. “Enjoying yourselves?” His voice sounded nothing like the Goku they all knew, and Hakkai felt that pang again. Some part of Goku had been broken, and he didn’t know how they would fix it.

“No, Goku, we…” but he didn’t know what to say, and Goku didn’t give him a chance, speaking up again.

“No, don’t worry, it’s all right. I don’t care.” Sanzo looked taken aback at that. Hakkai couldn’t believe that Sanzo would believe those words so easily. But he looked as though he did, so surprised. “I’ve been enjoying myself, too.”

“……oh?” Sanzo was obviously trying to sound disinterested, but he was failing miserably.

“Yea. Met Gojyo in the bathroom.”

Hakkai was suddenly desperately interested, and simultaneously terrified of what he would hear. Sanzo had immediately gone rigid.

“…..what.”

“Yea. Was interesting, actually. He was pretty willing to give me what you wouldn’t….and then some.”

Hakkai’s mouth dropped open. This he couldn’t believe, he wouldn’t, he refused. Gojyo would never sleep with Goku. The boy was like a little brother to him. But it was Sanzo who spoke up.

“…….you didn’t.”

“Yea? You think so?” Goku tossed his toothbrush onto the nightstand, the clattering noise sounding deafening in the otherwise silent room. Hakkai couldn’t help noticing the red line where the toothbrush had cut into Goku’s palm; obviously he had been clenching it far too tightly in his hand. “He doesn’t think I’m a child. He didn’t have any problem fucking me.”

The words went straight to Hakkai’s heart; his hand went to the wall for support, everything seeming to swim before him. Don’t believe it, he told himself. Don’t believe it. But why would Goku lie? There was no reason for him to do that…..use Gojyo like that.

Sanzo was suddenly across the room, hands fisted in Goku’s shirtfront, their faces inches apart, and such anger on his face that Hakkai had never seen. “You fucking liar. You little fucking liar.” His voice was heavy with rage and, hidden beneath it, something else. Fear? Pain? Hakkai didn’t know.

Goku hadn’t even flinched, simply glared up at Sanzo. “You think so?” Sanzo didn’t reply, simply stared at him, but his expression had faltered somewhat. Goku smiled at that, but there was nothing pleasant about the look. “You have nothing to be angry about. I wanted you. You didn’t want me….a ‘child’.” He repeated himself, slowly, letting each word sink in. “You have nothing to be angry about.” His hands moved to Sanzo’s, firmly removing them from his shirtfront, and Sanzo let him. The anger seemed to have gone out of him, replaced by an overwhelming sense of uncertainty, as though he was sure there had been some misunderstanding, that this would all sort itself out. That he would wake up at any minute and find this had all been some unpleasant sort of dream.

Hakkai had no such delusions.

Then the door opened and Gojyo poked his head in, concern on his face. “…um…..is everything okay in here? You guys are being pretty loud…..”

With that, all of Sanzo’s anger was back, and Gojyo immediately shrank slightly. “Um…..should I leave?” Whatever had happened, it seemed certain that the brunt of the anger was about to fall on him. He immediately began silently cursing every decision he had made the past week. None of them had lead to anything good.

He looked past Sanzo, to where Hakkai was standing, hoping that maybe, just maybe, he would see something better, maybe even a trace of forgiveness. Instead, he saw a combination of anger and heartache that he couldn’t begin to comprehend, and never, ever wanted to see on Hakkai’s face. “…..’kai…..”

“Get out.” The words were so quiet that Gojyo couldn’t be certain he’d heard them at all. “I don’t want to see you.”

He stared at Hakkai, stunned. What had happened that had made Hakkai so upset? “…….Hakkai, I….”

“Get. Out.”

“Hakkai, what’d I…” But there was no point in arguing with Hakkai, not when he had that face on, that inscrutable expression. Gojyo’s frustration immediately welled up. “Fine. Fine. I’ll go.” He turned to go, pausing, looking back at Hakkai. “…that is, if you aren’t concerned I’m going to fuck Sanzo again!” Didn’t Hakkai trust him at all? God!

“Oh, not at all. You’ve already proven you’re quite willing to fuck absolutely anyone.”

Gojyo looked like he had been slapped across the face, staring at Hakkai, more hurt and anguished than Hakkai had ever seen him. It was almost enough to make Hakkai regret the words, to make him apologize. Almost. He gazed levelly at Gojyo, who swallowed with some difficulty, and nodded. “So that’s how it is.” He glanced at Sanzo, who was no longer looking at him. No, that amethyst gaze was on the floor, and the monk looked at a complete loss. Gojyo had never seen Sanzo like this. He glanced at Goku, who was looking back at him, stricken, in a way he couldn't comprehend. Then, he made the mistake of looking at Hakkai again, who, somehow, looked even angrier than before. Why? Because I looked at Sanzo? Goku? He shook his head. There was no point trying to figure it out. Hakkai was so confusing lately. He had to get out of here, work things out later when he was alone and maybe his head was clearer.

“Fine. I’m leaving.” He left the room, shutting the door with a soft ‘snick’ behind him. He looked at the couch for a moment, but it didn’t seem at all welcoming any longer. Instead, he picked up his pillow and headed back to the bathroom. The steam from his shower was cooling down, leaving the room muggy and a bit cold, but he didn’t care. He grabbed a towel and climbed into the bathtub. Wrapping the towel around him, he curled up with his pillow. It was still as comforting as it used to be, despite the cold and wet.

Gojyo tried hard not to think about everything that had happened, but it was near impossible. It was several hours later before he fell into a very restless sleep, curled up into a tight ball on the wet bathtub floor.

-tbc-
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The Sexual Misadventures of the Sanzo Ikkou