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Dangerous Territory	By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Attack on Titan /Shingeki No Kyojin Views: 4228 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own “Shingeki no Kyojin” and do not make money from this fanfic.

Chapter List
- 51
- 52
- 53
Chapter 52
Day of Rest
Levi roused from a deep, surprisingly pleasant sleep. The bed was soft and warm. He felt a weight on his back, and as his brain stirred more, he realized there was an arm draped over his waist and someone's leg trapping his down.
Eren! He had completely wrapped around Levi in his sleep.
He sighed in annoyance, but he did not move away. This was … nice. He wanted to feel Eren for a little longer, to be right up against him. He softly caressed the arm that had captured him around the waist.
When had he last felt so safe and loved?
"Levi."
A woman's voice! He looked up, and in the piercing glow of the rising sun blazing through the window, he saw a gentle heart-shaped face, pale ginger hair cut above the shoulders, and large eyes the color of honey sweetening an autumn teacake.
"Petra?" he whispered. It couldn't be! He tried to reach toward her. She looked so close and felt so far away. "How are you here?"
"Oh, Levi," she sighed. "I'm so sorry I left you."
"No! No, I'm sorry. I never should have taken you with me."
"You've forgotten just how stubborn I was. I would have followed you into Hell itself."
He smiled at old memories. "Not followed. You would have ridden ahead to make sure there was tea waiting for me." He heard her soft chuckle, a sound he had nearly forgotten and which now sounded so sweet, it stung his heart. "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you and the others."
"No regrets, remember?" Her smile shined like the sun itself, blinding him. "My poor Levi. You're the one who taught me that, yet you're the one with the most regrets in life."
"More than the angels could list," he confessed. Levi thought he felt the warmth of her fingers on his cheek. "It hasn't been easy, continuing on without you."
"I know," she whispered, her voice wavering through the silent morning. "He'll protect you now, but you must protect him."
"Him?" He glanced back around. Eren looked so far away, still sleeping on his side. "He's not you!"
"He's more. You know that already, though, don't you?"
"Petra … it's you whom I love," he cried out, fearing she would vanish.
"You will always have my heart, Levi, but you need to move on now." Her glowing face drifted back. "You must live on."
"No! Don't go!" he shouted, trying to follow as the light drew away.
"Live, no matter the price."
"Petra!"
* * *
Levi jolted awake. He was still in bed with Eren wrapped around him. He could feel Eren's nose breathing on the back of his shoulder, and his arm tightened around Levi's waist.
Just a dream. He had dreamed of Petra so many times over the years, but never had he seen her face so clearly. Normally she was just behind him, or her sunbonnet shaded her eyes.
He missed her. The pain would probably never fully go away, but whatever that was—dream or spirit—he felt like she had given him permission to be happy despite the lingering pain of loss.
Maybe a part of his mind feared he was replacing Petra with Eren, but he knew now, that was not the case. No one could ever replace her! Eren was simply something more to his life.
Eren began to stir. Like a child waking from a long, good dream, he made a soft hum, a tiny yawn, and his arm tightened more. Then he jolted in a moment of confusion, slowly realized he was holding Levi, and sank again, squeezing him with melting contentment.
"Guten Morgen," he mumbled, nuzzling against Levi's back. "Did you sleep okay?"
"Yeah … I had a weird dream."
Eren raised up onto an elbow, sensing stiffness in Levi's shoulders. "A nightmare?"
"No," he whispered. Levi stared ahead at where the sun was moving away from reflecting in a window across the street and right through their curtains. "I dreamed about my wife."
Eren furrowed his brow, and he pulled back slightly. "Does it have to do with the past few days, with … what I did?" he muttered.
Levi glanced back around at him. "What do you mean?"
Eren shrugged with a small pout. "Touching you like that. Maybe you regret it."
Levi wanted to tell him no, but he honestly had no idea why he dreamed about Petra so clearly now, of all times.
"I'm sorry that I've been moving too fast. I don't even know what's normal."
"I'm not really one to give an answer like that. None of my relationships were ever normal. Even Petra…" He stopped and shook his head. Memories of her were painful, but with them was a warmth that he had not allowed to slip through in a long, long time. "Sorry. It's not fair to you."
"What, talking about her? It's okay," Eren said, squeezing his shoulder. "She was your wife. You can always talk about her." He figured it was rude to say aloud, It's not like I'll get jealous of a dead woman, although that was true. "I'll order food. Tell me about her over breakfast."
Levi mumbled, "There's not much to say."
"You were married for years. I'm sure you have a lot of stories about her."
Eren called for room service while Levi washed up. He gazed into the mirror and ruffled through his hair. There were a few silvers that had not been there when Petra was alive, and some deeper creases around his eyes. A strange thought drifted through his head.
How many of these hairs once felt the touch of Petra's fingers?
Surely, after two years, they had either fallen out or got cut as he trimmed his hair. New hairs were coming in either thinner or gray from the stress of survival. Soon, none of his hair would be original. Life moved on, whether he liked it or not.
The tray arrived, and they sat down for a meal of scrambled eggs and potatoes. Levi brewed tea, but he kept glancing at Eren. How would he change in two years? In ten? In forty?
"So, tell me," Eren said with eagerness. "How did you and Petra meet?"
"We first met in the spring of '37. I was new in town, just opened my shop."
"Your broom shop?" Eren asked with a playful smirk.
"Yes, my broom shop." He rolled his eyes. Really, was that so amusing? "She bought one of my brooms for her mother. She kept coming back, pretending to look at my brooms while flirting with me. I ignored it, of course. She was practically a child."
"You think I'm a child."
"I know, and she was older than you! You're, what, nineteen? She at least was twenty."
"How old were you?"
"Twenty-six."
"That old and still not married?"
"I was a spy for eight years. A wife would have been a liability."
Eren frowned to think Levi spent his prime years thinking that way about a domestic life.
"I had just left the Deuxième Bureau—or more like, quit and went into hiding so the British wouldn't come after me for killing one of their agents—so I feared I wasn't safe for her. She was persistent. Stubborn," he said, looking proud at the memory of her tenacity, how she saw through his cold words and never gave up on him.
"How long before you became a couple?"
"That's hard to say. I began to get used to her always coming to my shop, so I made tea before she arrived. Before I knew it, it was simply part of my day, and I looked forward to it. When she couldn't come, I found myself waiting by the window for her, worried if she was safe. I didn't even realize how fond I had grown of her and how her visits had become a joy in my life."
Levi's mind drifted off. These memories were some of the last moments of pure happiness he had. It burned his heart to think about them, but they were also sweet moments he wished he could relive.
"Our first kiss was in the autumn. She had invited me on a picnic in the countryside, and for some reason I agreed. She packed a huge basket, and I set up a blanket under an oak tree. All the leaves had turned red and orange. Then one leaf fluttered down and landed on her head. I teased her that it was the same color as her hair."
It was such a sweet and innocent memory, the brightness of her smile, the laughs they shared, and the moment he touched her hair to pluck the leaf away. His hand had slid through her soft strands, the first time he had dared to touch her. Suddenly bold by the way she leaned into his hand, his fingers had drifted down to her cheek. Their playful laughs softened as they gazed at one another, both of them sensing a new, deeper feeling surging up. She had been the one to start to lean in first; Levi was the one who tilted her face to the side so her first kiss was perfect.
"I saw her with that leaf in her hair … and I kissed her," he whispered, lost in the memory. "That was our first kiss."
"Did you confess your love?"
Levi burst out a wry laugh. "Hell no! She had a huge wall to chip through."
Eren silently chuckled and muttered, "I know the feeling."
"I thought I wasn't good enough for a delicate thing like her. I thought I didn't deserve love."
"You haven't changed much."
"Maybe," he mumbled.
His eyes drifted, thinking about those weeks just after their first kiss. He truly had felt unworthy and nearly ran away from the village twice, going so far as to pack his bags, determined to leave before he got too attached. There was blood on his hands, and Petra was so naïve, pure, untouched by the darkness lying just beyond the border of their idyllic village.
"We courted all through autumn and winter, but we had to hide our relationship. There was no way her parents would have allowed it. She would make excuses to leave her parents and sneak into my shop. I had very little business through the snowy days, so I had plenty of free time. I lived above the shop, and I would take her up there, serve her tea, talk … kiss a lot," he said awkwardly.
"How long did it take for you to be inti- … intimate? Is that the word?"
"Yes." Levi let out a sigh, flustered and a little embarrassed now. "It was different with her. She was brought up Catholic, so sex before marriage wasn't even an option for her. One day, we were kissing and I got carried away."
"You forced yourself on her?" Eren cried out in horror.
"No! I'd never!" Levi pouted and grumbled, "I asked her to … to touch me … down there."
"Oh…" Eren whispered.
"I thought I was just easing her past some nervousness, but it turned out I had pressured her, and it scared her. That's the last thing I would ever do! After she left that day, I knew something was wrong. She even turned her cheek to me as I tried to kiss her goodbye. She didn't return for a week, and I realized I had pushed her too far. I thought I had completely ruined everything, and I was ready to pack up and leave again. Then she showed up, and we talked over tea. She laid out her limits: she would not touch me like that or let me touch her intimate areas unless I married her. I thought that would be the most wonderful thing in the world, so I proposed on New Year's Day. That's when we finally told everyone we were courting. We married in June. The first time I saw her naked was on our wedding night."
"And you made love?" asked Eren.
Levi laughed and shook his head. "No." It was why he phrased it as saw her naked. "Not that first night. She was nervous, I knew she wouldn't enjoy it, so I spent that first night…" He again broke off and pursed his lips.
"It's okay. You can tell me."
Levi glanced up and saw that Eren truly was curious. "I … showed her pleasure, just touching her, kissing her breasts, and…" He stopped with a scowl. "This is starting to turn into a kiss-and-tell."
"I think it's adorable," he insisted. "You took your time with her. I don't think many men would do that."
"Yeah, well, she was … special, precious … so innocent," he whispered sadly.
"Then, with me, between our first kiss and … and everything else…"
"Again, it's different."
"True, I saw you naked mere days after our first meeting, although I don't think you saw me naked until we reached Metz."
Levi thought back to it. That moment in the bathtub had been his first time seeing Eren completely naked.
"So," Eren went on, "I guess we're moving quite a bit faster compared to all that."
"Yes, but it's different with you." Levi slouched over, remembering how his brain had craved for more, both as Eren kissed is cock and the next morning in the bathtub. "Petra didn't want sex before marriage. I doubt you have that sort of reservation."
"I can't marry a man, so that was never something I thought about."
Levi's brow creased, and he muttered, "I guess you're right. Still, it does feel too fast. Yet I'm just as much to blame."
Eren reached over and squeezed Levi's hand. "I don't think there's any blame in doing something we both want."
"But it doesn't … I mean, it does feel right, but it doesn't … comment dire…" Levi grew frustrated as he could not figure out how to get his feelings across. "Back then, I took my time with Petra. I didn't even make love to her for weeks after marrying her, because I wanted it to be when she was ready." His eyes raised to Eren, and he softly confessed, "Now, it feels like you're the one ready, and I'm the one who's not."
"Then I'll be the one to slow things down and take my time."
"I don't even know if I want that. I could lose you, and I don't want to regret not … not having…" His face turned red, but it made Eren smirk.
"Not having pleasured me?" he whispered sensually. A single finger dragged up Levi's thigh. "Or not having me pleasure you?"
Levi gritted his teeth as he grumbled, "I fucking don't know!"
He scowled as fantasies overwhelmed him, Eren's hands and mouth all over his body, eliciting pleasure, and those eyes that gazed with starving hunger as he kissed along his cock. When Eren's hand landed on his shoulder, Levi yanked away. Eren pulled back in concern.
"Sorry," Levi whispered. "It's still so weird. I wake up, and I'm repulsed for a second before I realize it's you. Suddenly, it's okay. I don't know why things still feel wrong, and why I want it anyway. I don't know why I feel like everything is too much, and nothing is enough. Then in that dream, Petra said to protect you, and you would protect me."
"Always," Eren swore instantly.
"She told me to move on. How can I, though?"
"By never forgetting her," said Eren. "By talking about her and honoring her memory with even more happy moments. For instance, I know that kissing me makes you happy."
Levi gazed over at him, and his eyes lowered to Eren's lips. "I guess so."
"Then I'll just kiss you today." Eren reached forward and caressed Levi's cheek. "I never want to do anything you don't want."
Levi knew that was just the way Eren was, and he was thankful for it.
They continued with breakfast, and Levi told Eren a little about his wedding day, trying to get across just how beautiful Petra had looked in her white dress, and the gardenias she purposely placed in her bouquet because they meant secret love. He then had to explain the idea of the language of flowers to the young man who never had a sweetheart to give flowers to.
They finished the food and sat back to enjoy their cups of tea.
"Do you want to go out again?" Eren asked with hopefulness.
"No. My ankle hurts, plus it's the Sabbath, and it's High Holy Days. God told Jews to rest on this day, and I should probably actually obey this time."
"Then we'll stay in today." He glanced at the window. "It looks like it'll rain anyway."
"Don't you have training?"
"No, I gave my men the weekend off." Eren reached across the table and gently gripped Levi's wrist. "I can stay with you the entire day. I'll spoil you personally. What do Jews normally do on the Sabbath?"
"Read the Torah, pray, that's about it. You're not supposed to work, cook, or do much of anything. Enforced relaxation and worship."
Eren smirked coyly. "How about another bath? That's relaxing, right?"
Levi narrowed his eyes, but his cheeks turned pink.
"Do you remember?" Eren whispered, caressing up and down Levi's arm. "Every Saturday, I would take you to bathe in the river. Every time, I wanted so badly to go into the river and wash your back."
"So what you're saying is, you're a pervert who watched me bathe while dreaming dirty little fantasies."
Eren chuckled. "Schuldig im Sinne der Anklage!" Guilty as charged!
"You know, the ironic thing was that you were trying to give us something nice, but it forced us to break our religious rules."
Eren froze and looked stricken. "What? How?"
"Working on the Sabbath. Not like we had a single day off anyway. Taking a bath was probably the closest thing we got to relaxing, although bathing is still considered to be work."
"I didn't mean that! I didn't know."
Levi chuckled and patted his hand. "We all knew you were looking out for us. We were happy to be clean on the Sabbath. You even allowed us to celebrate Shavuot. That meant a lot to us all. You didn't know about Jewish laws, and I didn't tell you because I knew you were risking a lot for us." He bowed his head. "On behalf of all of them, thank you."
"You don't need to carry the weight of them all on your shoulders."
Levi's eyes flashed up, suddenly looking angry at the suggestion. "Yes, I do! As the one who survived, that burden is mine."
"Then as the one who couldn't save them, I insist on sharing that burden."
Levi's gaze was hard, and his low voice edged toward threatening. "Eren Jäger, I say this with full respect and gratitude for what you risked to protect us: So long as you obey the men who slaughtered my companions—so long as you heil the leader who screams about murdering every last one of us—you don't have the right to claim that burden."
Eren was struck by the cold animosity.
"You showed us some sympathy, but you are no savior, not when you still wear that uniform."
Eren's head fell, stung by those brutally harsh words. Just as his heart began to sink, Levi laid a hand on his shoulder.
"I understand why you fight," Levi whispered. "I was a soldier, I get it: fierté nationale. National pride. So do what you can do. Take on the burden of what your own countrymen have done first. Leave the burden of the Jews to me."
"Do you hate me?" he asked in a soft, hesitant whisper.
"There have been moments when I did," Levi admitted, "and there were days when my companions and I prayed to God to protect you. We praised you. Ruth made up a song about you that she would sing at night."
Eren laughed softly. "Jean would be jealous. No woman made a song for him."
Levi gave Eren a pat. "You risked your life to protect us. Thank you."
"I wish I could have done more."
Levi sighed heavily and lowered his head. "Me too, but it didn't turn out that way."
His heart pained him, but it was unfair to direct that anger toward Eren. Although Levi firmly felt that Eren had no right to take up the burden of those souls, he had still risked his life. That counted for something.
"Come with me."
Levi stood up, tugged Eren by the hand, and led him over to the bed. Levi sat up with pillows behind his back, and he pulled Eren down to lie on his lap. He stroked through his hair, and he felt the tension loosen out of Eren's shoulders.
"Don't think I'm mad," Levi whispered, petting Eren like soothing a sad puppy. "I'm not angry at you. Just realize, there are some things you cannot help me with."
Eren pouted and rolled to look straight up at Levi. "Would you let me after the war is over?"
Levi thought about it and muttered, "That depends."
"If I could leave this war behind, I would."
Levi smirked down at Eren. "You could run away with me."
Eren laughed and snuggled up against Levi's torso. "I want to more and more every day."
They relaxed together on the bed, soaking in the quietness, thinking about the past, the future, old memories, and dreams of things to come. Levi's fingers combed through Eren's hair, wanting to touch all of them, to explore every last piece of his body. He remembered how Petra used to soothe him like this when memories of his past overwhelmed him.
Eren almost felt like he could have dozed off, except he did not want to miss a single second of this bliss. When he closed his eyes, he could focus on Levi's fingers running up from his eyebrows, across his forehead, and into his hair, the sort of soft comfort he had not felt since his mother would stroke his brow like this after a nightmare.
His whole life since the age of ten had been one long nightmare, and now he was waking up to find Levi there, comforting him.
Maybe he really was just a child.
When he opened his eyes, Levi's narrow gaze was focused on him in a way that made his heart race. Those sharp eyes, once so full of spite, held a gentleness in them; not glaring in pain and rage, but gazing softly with unspoken words of tenderness.
Eren tried to imagine what his life would be like after Levi left to find freedom. As much as he wanted Levi to be safe, he knew what it would mean for him.
Hiding his true self again. Fighting a war he no longer fully supported. Going day after day, all alone, feelings like a freak of nature who had to hide what he really was.
With Levi, he was accepted and loved for who he was.
All these moments together were so precious, he did not want to waste them thinking about dark things.
"Can your day of rest be just us lying in bed like this?" he muttered.
Levi stroked up from Eren's brow to his hairline. "That would get really boring."
"We could play cards."
Levi suddenly snorted a laugh. Why did that sound like such a bored married couple thing to do? He and Petra used to play cards on rainy days when there were no customers. "I haven't played cards in years. I used to be good at Poker."
"Poker? Is that a French game?"
"British. Or American, I think, but some of the men in the SIS liked to play it, since it trains you in not giving away secrets through your face."
"You're good at that," Eren mumbled. "I can never read your face. I never know what you're thinking."
"Good." Levi leaned over and kissed his forehead. "I like to keep you guessing."
Eren's cheeks flushed, and suddenly he blurted out, "Quartett!"
Levi paused, stunned by the outburst. "Huh?"
"A game we can play. I have a … a … I don't know the word. Kartenspiel?" When Levi shrugged to show he had no idea what he meant, Eren frowned. He honestly had no idea on English words for games.
"I know the game you call Quartett. The British had a game like that called Happy Families."
"Oh, good. How about we play a round?"
"If you want," Levi mumbled, although he would not have minded sitting there with Eren in his lap just a little longer.
Eren fetched a deck of cards while Levi sat at the table and poured them some wine. He frowned when he saw swastikas on the deck of cards.
"Hitler has to slap that damn symbol on everything," he grumbled.
"Huh?" Eren looked at the deck. "Oh … oh," he whispered, suddenly frowning. "You might not like this."
"I'm not fragile. Just deal out the deck."
Eren had never really thought about what was on the deck of cards until now. Frowning, he showed Levi what the cards looked like.
Hitler! All of the cards were pictures of Hitler!
He read the title of the card deck on the box. "Führer Quartettspiel?" He looked up incredulously at Eren. "That damn megalomaniac put his face on a bloody deck of cards?"
"It's a collector's item," Eren muttered sheepishly. "This deck is quite popular with my men. Franz has one with military equipment."
"No, fuck that! I don't want a dozen Hitlers staring at me. Besides, you can't play Poker or Écarté with a deck like that. Don't you have a regular one?"
"I don't. One of the officers might, or I could go buy a deck."
"If you're going out, get some more wine. I feel like I just threw up in my mouth."
"Do you want something to eat? Some … uh … Knabbern … nibbles?"
"Do you mean snacks? I wouldn't mind some pretzels or crisps."
"Cri-suh-piss. Crissss-piss? Cry-spees? Cris— How do you say that? It sounds so weird. It doesn't work on the tongue."
"That, I agree with! It's thinly sliced fried potatoes. We call them pommes chips."
"Oh! Kartoffelchips. I can try to find that. Apples and honey again would be nice too, since this is a holiday for you."
Eren got dressed to leave, and to be safe, Levi headed up into the attic. He went to the bedding behind the wall of boxes and reclined on the thick blankets.
"A day of rest, huh?" he whispered as he stared up at the rafters overhead, like speaking to Heaven. "I guess you of all people would know, Jews are so stubborn, we wouldn't stop to rest unless we were ordered to take a day off." He sighed heavily and closed his eyes. "Heaven knows, I spent years never taking a day off work. Spies didn't get weekends."
He rested, lost in his thoughts, swirling memories all clamoring for a moment of recognition. He wished he could empty his head and get at least one day of rest away from the internal grief and trauma.
Eren took so long, Levi began to get worried. He rose and walked to the window, being cautious as he glanced out while staying hidden. Nothing seemed amiss outside, but he had no idea how far away Eren went to get supplies.
Was he safe? Perhaps he simply met up with someone he knew. Maybe he got invited to go out drinking, and he felt compelled to go with the other soldiers.
Levi tried not to worry, but his brow tensed up.
It took over two hours before Levi finally heard a scratch on the attic hatch. His instinct was to rush over there, but he forced himself to walk across the attic carefully, lest he stomp too loudly for the rooms below him. When he opened the hatch, Eren was down there in the glowing light with a face that beamed with more happiness than should be allowed for a man in a Nazi uniform.
"Come! I got stuff."
Eren grabbed Levi by the waist as he slid down out of the attic, but he was too excited to turn that moment into something sensual. He rushed over to a few bags.
Leiv grumbled, "I thought you were just going for a deck of cards and snacks."
"I was, but I met Wim who said a storm was moving in and it'll be raining hard tomorrow, so I thought I would stock up. I have a Kartenspiel." He pulled a deck of cards and tossed it onto the bed duvet. Levi picked it up, opened the box, and was glad to see it was a normal four-suit deck. "And I got you these." He pulled out three books, looking immensely proud of himself.
Levi picked up the books one by one. "Le rouge et le noir? I've never read a book by Stendhal. Les Misérables: that'll take a while to read. Une saison en enfer. Well, that's a bloody appropriate title for right now."
"I honestly don't know what any of these books are," Eren admitted. "I was hoping they weren't dry history books or all about politics."
"All French literature is, in some way, a commentary on politics," Levi muttered. He picked up a bottle of wine. "You actually picked something decent." He saw there was also a bag of apples, some fresh pretzels, and muffins. "It took you two hours just to get this?"
"Finding the books was hard, but you mentioned you had already read the other book, so I thought I should buy you more."
That was thoughtful, although it had caused Levi some anxiety. He did not want to admit that to Eren, though.
Eren picked up the deck of cards and began to shuffle them. "With this deck, we can play Böse Dame."
"Never heard of it."
Eren grinned as the cards rippled through his fingers. "I'll teach you."
They spent the day playing cards. Eren taught Levi his favorite game, Böse Dame, while Levi taught Eren Écarté. Then Levi went through how to play Poker, and they began to wager slices of apples.
"I'll see your four slices," Eren said, and looked around. He was out of apples, but he had something else left. "…and I'll raise you a muffin." He plopped a muffin into the pile.
"I'll see your muffin and since you're out of food, I'll call."
"That means it's over, right?"
"Yes, it means I'm calling your bluff. Lay down your cards."
Eren placed down his cards. "A pair of nines and ace high."
Levi laid his hand down. "Deux paires. Two pairs. I swear, you are an aggressive player, raising me like that with just a pair of nines. I nearly folded under that bluff."
"In Napola, playing cards was practically one of our tests, knowing when to make a gamble and when to bluff, but never to show weakness even if our hand is poor. As Hitler said, 'Stärke liegt nicht in der Verteidigung, sondern im Angriff.' Strength lies not in defense, but in attack."
"You can lose a lot playing recklessly like that."
"It was deemed worth it in the long-run."
"Well, it makes for poor Poker, and now you're out of apples and muffins." Levi pulled the pot toward him. He had accumulated most of the food Eren bought.
"I could always bet my clothes."
"That's called Strip Poker, and I don't want your damn Nazi uniform."
Eren stood up and stretched, feeling his shoulder pop. "I need a break."
"Sure. I'll enjoy my haul." Levi took the muffin he had just won, went to the bed, and collapsed back, taking a hearty bite from the dessert.
Eren left to pick up a newspaper and grab some sandwiches for lunch. After he returned, he took a seat next to Levi on the bed, reading through the news while they both nibbled on their sandwiches. After finishing with the front page, Eren flipped the large paper and slid down onto Levi's lap. With a book held in one hand, Levi reached down and mindlessly petted Eren's hair.
After almost ten minutes, Levi stopped, lowered his book, and looked down at Eren in sudden confusion. It took him that long to realize just what he was doing. It had felt so natural, like this was the sort of relationship the two of them had enjoyed for years, not some insane new romance less than a month old.
He sighed out the moment of clarity. Maybe all of this would have felt less insane if they were able to court one another properly. Not like two men could do that in this sort of world, but maybe such domestic tenderness would not feel quite as bizarre if they were in a big city, meeting up for lunches, flirting in cafés, sneaking kisses behind a horse shed, and able to live a normal life.
Nothing about this world was normal anymore.
That day was no different. Inside was quiet, while outside it began to rain, steadily growing heavier as morning slipped into afternoon.
"If you're bored, you can leave," Levi assured him.
"I'm with you," Eren said with a warm grin. "How could I ever be bored?"
They took turns playing cards, then reading, then simply lying beside one another, whispering about stories from their past. Right around sunset, Eren began to get twitchy. He had not had a smoke all day and left. Levi kept reading, relaxing on the bed as he nibbled a pretzel. After a while, he heard a scrape of keys on the door, and knowing the drill, Levi slid down to hide under the bed. He was really getting used to looking up at those rusty springs. Eren entered and locked the door behind him.
"It's safe."
Levi rolled back out and returned to his spot on the bed. The whiff of cigarettes lingered on Eren, but his breath had a hint of peppermint.
So, Eren got mint candies while he was out too!
Eren glanced over and saw that Levi had taken up a seat on the bed to read the Tanakh.
"Don't you want to read one of the new books?"
"Yes, but it's the Sabbath. I should read the Word of God."
Eren flopped on the bed beside him and looked at the strange lettering. "Do you understand all of that?"
"To be honest, hardly any. I memorized a few important passages, and I use what I was able to memorize to learn new parts, but I don't really know the language."
"You mentioned that you learned Hebrew from a rabbi. Tell me about him."
He laid his book down on his lap. "It's not a very good story."
"Was he a horrible person?"
"Far from it! If he had been Catholic, the man would have been a saint. He deserves to sit at God's feet."
Levi looked down at the book and the letters.
"I met him right after my wife was killed. The group we had been with was taken to an internment camp. There, all the men were sterilized in preparation for being sent to a labor camp. The Germans must have thought we'd all be in too much pain to escape. They were almost right; that hurt more than should be legally allowed. When the guards weren't looking, I slipped out through an air vent and fled into the city. I hadn't eaten in three days and my balls hurt like you wouldn't believe, so I couldn't run far. I made it to a church. I wasn't sure if it would work, but I read in books that Catholic priests would shelter you if you asked for sanctuary.
"Lucky for me, the priest was sympathetic. He was already hiding Moses—you remember him, the lanky guy your captain forced to fuck me and then killed him."
Eren flinched. That day was a nightmare to him, so he could not imagine what it was like for Levi—especially considering what happened later that night! "You knew him for two years?"
Levi solemnly nodded. "He was there, as was a rabbi named Raphaël. His name meant healed by God, and that's what he did; he healed me. Not just my body, but my soul. I was … broken doesn't even come close. I wanted to die, but Petra had told me to live, so I didn't want to ignore her last wish. I … really … didn't want to be alive, not without her."
Levi paused; the raw pain of those first few weeks after watching his wife being viciously butchered by Nazis was still a trauma he had been trying to ignore for years.
"Rabbi Raffi, as we called him, prayed on behalf of my wife, and since we were stuck in a church crypt with lots of time and not much to do, he set out to teach me how to read the Tanakh. I hid in that church for months, through the New Year and into spring. Around February, a fifteen-year-old girl came to us, Ruth Kline. Do you remember the teenage girl in our group? She kind of had a thing for that tall, long-faced soldier of yours."
"I remember. Jean nearly killed the man who raped her."
"She had been raped by more than just that one man in your company, and she had suffered long before we ever went to that village. When she came to the church, she had been gang raped by an entire platoon of soldiers." His face drew up in disgust. "She was just a child. She didn't deserve that! No person deserves that, but especially not a child!"
Eren dropped his head. He wished he could simply not believe that German soldiers would do such a thing—he would never allow his platoon to act that way—yet he knew it happened.
"Someone brought her to the church. She was an empty shell, lost in the trauma. If I thought I was mentally wrecked…"
His eyes tightened, recalling the dull, empty eyes of the girl who had been brought to them, beaten, clothes torn, color drained from her gaunt face, like her soul had already left her.
"We healed her wounds, but two months later, she realized she had stopped menstruating."
Eren's mouth dropped in horror. "Oh God, no!"
"It broke her spirit all over again. It went against the priest's beliefs, but … like hell were we going to make her suffer like that, reliving the attack day after day, knowing her rapist's demon-spawn was inside of her! We found someone who agreed to do an abortion. When she heard that she would not be forced to carry the fetus … it was the first time she finally smiled.
"It wasn't easy on her, either. She hemorrhaged for weeks. We all took care of her as she recovered. Moses was like a big brother, Rabbi Raffi was like a gentle father, and I … well, I was more like a bodyguard. Then around August, just shy of a year since I found that place, someone tipped off the Gestapo. They raided the church, I saw them arrest the priest, and I was prepared to kill them all, but Rabbi Raffi charged me and Moses with protecting Ruth. He told us, 'She's the future of our people.' Then he marched out there to be arrested while we slipped away. He sacrificed himself to save the three of us."
"Truly a man of God," Eren whispered. Every time he heard stories about Levi's past, he realized just how horrific the Jews in France—and all across Europe—were treated under the Nazi Regime. "Was that when you headed to the village?"
"No. For the next few months, the three of us hid wherever we could: attics, basements, farmhouses. I tried to keep them on the move even as winter settled in, but I honestly had no clue where we could go. I just kept heading north, trying to avoid cities, constantly on the move before anyone reported us. Just past Reims, Moses heard about the Resistance getting Jews out nearby. I had nothing but bad experiences with the Resistance, and especially after Petra, the last thing I wanted was to rely on someone else for my survival, but Ruth was eager to go check it out. I knew if those two went alone, they'd never make it, so I went along." He shook his head. "I should have convinced them not to go at all. We got trapped, it's a miracle our building wasn't bombed, but not even a week after enslaving us, Ruth was raped."
"That soon?" Eren cried out. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"What could you have done? Do you want to know how many men in your company raped those women? Over twenty, including men who I know are in your platoon! Do you want me to go kill them all? Because, believe me, I would happily slit their throats and watch them choke."
Eren's face cringed up. "My own men? Who?"
"Does it matter? Will anything be done? From May until we left that hellhole, those four women were raped over and over. Ruth admitted to four times, but Miriam … that fucking jailer raped her weekly! She would sob herself to sleep, praying that her husband's spirit would never see her being used like that. Sure, he got beat up a little, but it was hardly justice for what he did to those women!" His eyes burned. "On n'aurait jamais dû aller dans cette putain de village." We never should have gone to that fucking village.
Tears fell down Eren's cheeks. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know! I didn't know it was that bad."
"You didn't know a lot of things, takhshet. You couldn't have done anything, and I didn't want to burden you."
"If I had known they were being raped, and what Ruth suffered in the past, I would have…"
"Done what?" Levi challenged. "Killed the men yourself? If they had died, guess who would have been blamed. Us! Our silence kept us alive … at least for a while."
"No! It's wrong!"
Coldly, Levi stated, "It's how Nazis are."
That stabbed at Eren. He had been such a proud Nazi while all that was happening right under his nose. "I'll find who was assigned as the jailer. Maybe I can't take revenge on all of them, but at least him!"
"Leave him to me. I had to watch him violate that girl right in front of me, listen to her crying, stretching her hand out to me, and I couldn't even reach it. The whole time, she begged God that she wouldn't get pregnant again. He released inside her and I don't know … I don't know…"
He seethed, overwhelmed by rage. Eren sniffled, feeling the guilt of the sins of his countrymen.
"If anyone should take revenge on her behalf, it's me. I'm the one who promised Rabbi Raffi that I would protect her. It's one of the many reasons why I didn't leave that hellhole earlier. I gave him my word I would watch over her. I would have been breaking my oath to a rabbi if I left without Ruth."
Eren took a handkerchief to dry his eyes. "I wondered why you stayed. After you told me you had worked for the Deuxième Bureau, I realized that you could have left at any time. You stayed there for her!"
"For all of them," he admitted. "I almost left once, but … I couldn't do that. How many more would have suffered if I wasn't there to accept the brunt of it? Would the Resistance have bothered to come back and save a single one of them if they hadn't wanted to get me out? I don't know if I ever told you, but Krista wanted to free me much earlier. I practically held myself hostage so she would try to free them all. When I saw Ruth leave that dungeon with the first group, I thought: 'It was worth it.' All those months of suffering, everything I went through, it was worth it so long as she made it to freedom. Rabbi Raffi was right: she's the future of our people, the younger generation who will outlive this damn war, grow up, and have families of their own. I can't have children anymore, but I can save the next generation!"
Eren squeezed Levi's hand. "And you did."
"I couldn't save Rashad, and he wasn't that much older than Ruth. In fact, he was in love with her. Watching her getting raped in that dungeon devastated him."
Eren's eyes lowered. "I can imagine," he whispered, recalling how enraged he had been when he saw Grützmacher assaulting Levi. "Still, you did all you could to try to save them all, and because of that, you saved the women. You saved Ruth. You fulfilled your oath." Eren glanced down at the Tanakh. "Who knows what you'll do in the future. Protecting the future of your people is not just saving lives here in France, but making sure the next generation knows about the sacrifices that were made: men like Rabbi Raffi, Moses, and Abel. Their names should never be forgotten."
A pained smile struggled on Levi's anguished face. "Thank you."
"Maybe your destiny is to protect Jews in America, so that country never becomes what Germany has become. Perhaps one day you'll get more lessons in Hebrew, and then you can read your mother's Tanakh, fully understand it, and teach its lessons to others."
Levi gazed over at him, touched that Eren did not just tolerate his religion, but wanted him to learn more so he could worship better.
Eren leaned in a little closer and looked down at the book. "How about you start by telling me what this says?"
Levi glanced down at the script.
Shir hamma'alot:
Mimma'amakim kerati'kha Adonai.
Adonai shima vekoli.
Tiheyenah ozne'kha kashuvot - lekol tachanunai.
Im- avonot tishmor Yah - Adonai mi ya'amod.
Ki- imme'kha haselichah - lema'an tivarei.
Kiv'viti Adonai kivitah nafshi velidvaro hochalti.
Nafshi la'Adonai - mishomerim laboker, shomerim laboker.
Yachel Yisrael 'el-Adonai: ki- im- Adonai hachesed veharbeh immo fedut.
Vehu yifdei 'et-Yisrael - mikol avonotav.
"Can you translate it?"
Levi sighed with a pout. This was not an easy language to begin with, and translating one foreign language into another foreign language was a challenge. Still, feeling like he needed to thank Eren for tolerating Judaism, he did his best. "I'm not sure how to translate the first two words, other than it's a song. Let's see: 'Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord. God, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my cries for mercy. If sins you keep … um, keep track of, God, who could stand?"
"Hold on. I know this one." Eren rolled over to his nightstand, opened a drawer, and pulled out a Bible.
"When did you get that?"
"It came with the room." He flipped through the pages. "My father loved this Psalm. He read it a lot. Actually, he would sing it."
"Psalms are just that: songs. They're meant to be sung, not merely read. Rabbis know the songs, I don't."
"Here!" He grinned as he saw the familiar verse. "Ein Lied im höhern Chor. A song in the higher choir." Then, in a softly reverent voice, Eren began to sing.
Aus der Tiefe rufe ich, Herr, zu dir.
Herr, höre auf meine Stimme, laß deine Ohren merken auf die Stimme meines Flehens!
So du willst, Herr, Sünden zurechnen, Herr, wer wird bestehen?
Denn bei dir ist die Vergebung, daß man dich fürchte.
Ich harre des Herrn; meine Seele harret, und ich hoffe auf sein Wort.
Meine Seele wartet auf den Herrn von einer Morgenwache bis zur andern.
Israel, hoffe auf den Herrn! denn bei dem Herrn ist die Gnade und viel Erlösung bei ihm,
und er wird Israel erlösen aus allen seinen Sünden.
Eren ended with his eyes burning from childhood memories of listening to his father sing that Psalm. They were troublesome memories, feeling so happy, sitting by the fireplace on a sleepy Sunday afternoon, his mother smiling to herself as she knitted in a rocking chair, while Eren listened with rapt attention, thinking his father secretly must have been an opera singer in his youth.
When had he forgotten just how happy his childhood was? Especially compared to Levi, orphaned at a young age and left to fend for himself on the streets of Paris, his youth was blessed with loving parents and living very comfortably by the sea. He had never known hunger, never had to kill to protect himself, never feared illnesses since his father was a doctor. He was spoiled as a child.
It was only later that darkness rolled over his life. It was only because of those Brownshirts who tore his family apart. Those Nazis!
"It's how Nazis are."
He glanced at his peaked Schirmmütze cap, the Heeres eagle on it, and a swastika in its talons, and his eyes narrowed. He never allowed himself to see the truth, because he desperately wanted to recapture that childhood feeling of security, even if it meant ignoring the horrors around him.
Meanwhile, Levi stared at Eren, a tiny smile tugging on his lips. It was not the first time he had heard Eren sing, but it was the first time he got to watch him up close, how his Adam's apple jumped on the higher notes, the shape of his lips as he held out notes, and that voice like an angel.
He saw Eren's eyes drift into darker thoughts, and Levi was determined to pull him away from those. Not his singing angel! He suddenly reached forward and touched Eren's cheek, as if to make sure this was still his soldier boy and not a member of God's heavenly choir.
At the touch, Eren was jolted out of his memories. He looked over, but Levi's expression was so perplexing. Why did he look at him with astonishment? Surely, he had sung in front of Levi before, either cleaning up in the morning or singing a song he heard on the radio.
When Levi suddenly leaned forward and kissed him, that shocked Eren even more, but his eyes fluttered down, enjoying the gentleness of the kiss, while Levi's fingers stroked across his cheek. It lingered, but it was so tender and reverent, Eren did not dare do anything to deepen the kiss.
Levi pulled back, and he looked confused, like he could hardly believe he just kissed him. He almost looked like he was about to apologize but held back the words, scowling instead and sitting up to sort it out for himself. Eren merely reached over and placed his hand on top of Levi's.
It was like another brick in Levi's defensive wall had come down.
"How about dinner?" Eren asked.
Such a simple question made Levi jolt right out of his shock. "Yeah … Yeah, sounds good."
Eren let him sort this out on his own, smiling to himself as he picked up the telephone and called for room service.
Dinner arrived, and they sat down to their meal. Although Eren immediately began to eat, he realized that Levi was saying a prayer over the meal. Feeling a little guilty, he put down his fork and also gave grace. Perhaps he could learn a thing or two about returning to his roots from Levi.
They dined quietly together. Once they were done, Levi went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and dress for bed while Eren wheeled the food cart out for the staff to pick up. He waved hello to Gunther who was just coming back and caught sight of the lady with him, recognizing her as one of Madame Carly's girls.
Eren really wanted a cigarette before bed, but he also wanted Levi to kiss him. He fought the craving and went back inside the room.
Levi came out, and Eren took his turn to clean up and dress in night clothes.
Levi was still lost in memories. He had tried to put that rabbi out of his head, feeling guilty that he had done so much for all three of them, even willingly getting arrested and possibly facing a fate worse than death to give them a chance to escape. Levi thought that made Rabbi Raffi immensely brave. If it had been him, he likely would have done the same to save Moses and Ruth … only with a lot more stabbing!
Remembering Moses was hard. He had known the man for two years, so they were friendly enough. Those last few minutes of his life were so horrible, full of fear, humiliation, and likely horror at the very end as he realized agreeing to all of that, violating his own friend, would not save his life.
No person should die that way!
At least he kept his promise to make sure Ruth escaped to safety. He wondered if she was in England or America by now. She deserved to live a full life far away from this insanity, to fall in love and raise a family on her own terms. He gave a little prayer that she was somewhere safe.
Eren came out and took a seat next to Levi. He saw the hollow stare of dark, old memories and wondered how he could bring Levi out of it.
He slipped his arm around. Levi was startled for a moment and instinctively began to pull away, but Eren's hand landed on the back of Levi's neck. Before he could ask what the hell are you doing, Eren's fingers tightened, kneading into Levi's muscles.
Almost instantly, the tension in them sagged and his whole body went limp. Levi silently hated just how effective a neck rub could be against him. It was a dirty trick!
Eren held back a chuckle, although that took biting his bottom lip. Sometimes Levi was like a feral cat, hissing at anything that came too close, but then he was like a kitten that flopped limply with just the right petting. He watched in amusement as Levi's eyes fluttered closed and his mouth dropped while Eren's fingers gently massaged.
"Is that nice?"
Levi merely nodded, his eyes closed in bliss.
Eren used both hands, rubbing out both shoulders. "Hold on. Scoot forward. It'll be easier."
Levi placidly obeyed, and Eren slipped around behind, straddling Levi's thighs. Now he could really give him a massage, and as his thumbs dug in, Levi let out a soft, wanton moan. Eren flinched, feeling a sharp tingle shoot straight down to his groin. Especially with Levi between his thighs, many naughty thoughts were taking form.
He tried to focus on the massage, working along Levi's neck, down his back, loosening the tension in those lean muscles. Then he hit a spot that made Levi gasp. He gripped Eren's thighs as his whole body arched with a moan Levi just barely held back. Eren felt a painful throb in his trousers. He needed to do something else, fast.
"Oh! I know!"
The shout and removal of the massaging fingers jolted Levi out of a peaceful trance. Eren slipped off the bed and went to fetch the cold cream Gunther got him a while back.
"Your ankle was hurt, so I'll give you a foot rub."
A foot rub? That sounded nice, but also potentially dangerous.
Eren pulled Levi's foot up onto his lap, opened the cold cream, scooped out some of the lotion, and rubbed it onto the arch of the foot. Levi gasped at the coldness and tried to pull away, but slowly his body loosened up. Eren worked his thumbs up the arch, and Levi could not stop a soft moan.
"Bon sang, ça fait du bien." Damn, that feels good.
Eren smiled at the gentle moan. Caring for Levi like this filled him with warmth.
As Eren massaged, Levi's mind sank away. He gazed at Eren wearing nothing but boxers. His chest gleamed in the light bulb's glow, and the tiny smile on his face looked angelic.
"Other foot now."
Levi shifted and placed his other foot up. The cold cream rubbed up, sending pleasurable tingles all through his body. A naughty part of him realized, all he had to do was flex his foot a little closer and he could touch that treasure hidden away in pale cotton.
He made it look like he was just stretching a little, but his toes flexed forward. He heard a quiet, shuddering gasp from Eren, and slyly, Levi opened his eyes to watch.
Oh, it was so tempting to rub there more, to torture Eren with his foot, watch him squirm, but he knew it would become dangerous really quickly.
He knew that.
He ignored that internalized warning siren in his mind.
He shifted his foot again, then rubbed back and forth, feeling that hidden shaft get thicker, pushing up at the fabric. He listened to Eren's breaths getting deeper, and as his foot began to stroke up and down, those breaths went ragged. Eren's mouth opened to silence them.
Levi's toes found the head and curled around it. He watched Eren's whole face turn red and his hands, rather than massaging now, clenched the blankets under him. The more Levi watched the aching pleasure on that youthful face and felt the growing excitement, the more he wanted to tease.
"I could crush your balls with my foot and you'd probably still enjoy it," he taunted.
Eren looked up, and there was something in his eyes that made the playfulness in Levi turn cold. Suddenly, Eren grabbed Levi's ankle, but rather than pull his foot away, he tugged it closer. He used it to rub up and down his shaft, while that predatory gaze held Levi's face.
"Is this what you want to do to me?" he whispered, flexing his hips into the foot. "You don't even have to touch me this way. It doesn't cross your limits."
Levi gulped. Maybe that was part of it. It was just his foot, so that made it different. He flexed his toes to rub even more, gliding up and down the hidden shaft. Eren shuddered and began to thrust up harder into those torturous toes. Levi bit his lip as he watched, fascinated, thrilled, his own body changing in reaction.
Suddenly, Eren pulled away. "I know what will happen if you continue."
"Isn't that what you want, though?" Levi slipped his foot back up onto Eren's lap. "It's not like I haven't already seen you spurt out before, twice in your clothes and right against me."
Eren felt humiliated at being reminded of those embarrassing moments.
Levi sat up and leaned in closer to Eren, like a tiger ready to pounce. "Payback."
Eren gasped. Was he serious? "You'll regret it again."
Levi sank back against the pillows. "I doubt that."
Eren's mouth dropped at that confession, but just then Levi put his other foot up, stroking with both. Eren let out a heady moan and his eyes fluttered down.
He should stop this. He should! But then again, everyone thought Louise was here. Wouldn't it be normal to make noises?
Levi smirked at the frustration in Eren's blushing face. "Tell me not to."
Eren looked confused. Did he want Eren to refuse? "If you don't want to—"
"I didn't say that," Levi cut in, and he pressed his feet together, clamping Eren's cock between them and getting a whimper out of him. "Tell me not to, or I will."
Eren cursed softly. God, he wanted it! "Will you be mad at me if you do it?"
"Why would I be mad?"
"You don't want to."
"Says who?"
A gulp got caught in Eren's throat. He asked again, "Is this what you want to do to me? Is it easier like this?"
"Maybe," Levi mused, stroking up and down. "Plus I like the faces you make."
That made Eren embarrassed and self-conscious. What sort of expressions did he make anyway?
He sat still as Levi rubbed. He held back moans, but his mouth still dropped open. He tried to hold Levi's gaze, but those sharp eyes made his body thrum faster. He heard his own breath speeding up in the echoes of the room. His face got hotter as he fought against squirming.
Levi watched Eren flushed, biting his lip so hard at times that he feared it might bleed. Although a part of his mind knew full well what that hard length tenting those boxes was, it was also just his feet. There was an element of separation between himself and the act. He could focus on Eren's face, how his fingers clenched at the duvet, the way his thigh muscles began to tremble, and those slight thrusts of his hips.
"Moan."
"What?" Eren gasped. "You didn't want moans."
"Obviously I can't make a sound, but it'll make it more believable that your wife is back, right? So moan. Make them think you're enjoying it."
Being told to do it made Eren even more self-conscious.
Levi sat up, crawled forward, and came right up into Eren's face. The young man looked slightly terrified at what Levi was doing. Just then, he hand shot down, he grasped the cock hidden within the underwear, and he gave it a firm stroke down.
A moan ripped out of Eren's throat, and Levi chuckled. That was better! He slipped back and reclined on the pillows again.
"That's more like it."
His feet went back up onto Eren lap, only now when he rubbed, Eren groaned erotic cries in German. It was probably things he would say to his wife, but Levi knew deep in his heart, these were things Eren wanted to say to him.
"Das fühlt sich gut an." That feels so good.
Hearing the heated groans, Levi's hand began to reach up to touch himself, but he quickly drew back. No, he wasn't ready for that yet. Using his feet to tease Eren was one thing. Actually admitting he wanted some pleasure back … that was very different.
There was also the element of humiliation, getting Eren all flustered like this with merely his feet.
He wanted to see more.
Not thinking, Eren grabbed Levi's ankles, pressed his feet together, and began to flex his hips to slide in between them. He was starting to get a little rough, but he needed more pressure than what Levi was willing to use, perhaps truly worrying that he would hurt him.
"Eren," Levi whispered, in awe at the intense strain building up.
"Scheiße!" Eren felt tension ready to snap. He was breathing so hard now. Suddenly, he let go of Levi's foot. "Move!"
He began to twist away, but Levi used his legs to lock around Eren's waist. "Where do you think you're going?"
"To the bathroom to finish."
"Sit!" he ordered.
Eren's mouth dropped, and Levi was suddenly stunned by his own forcefulness.
"Unless … you don't want me to continue."
Eren was still shocked. "Here? On the bed? You?"
"Leave your clothes on." Levi shrugged awkwardly. "It's easier that way."
"You'll hate it later."
"No," he whispered. "Trust me, I won't."
Eren thought over this sudden change. Not only was Levi willing to touch him, but to completion. He had limits—with his feet, clothes on—but it was still something he actually wanted.
Eren wanted to give Levi all that he desired.
He settled back onto the bed.
"A little closer. My feet can't reach."
Eren scooted closer, and Levi put his feet back up. "I'm at my limit," he warned.
"That's fine. Use my feet as you need."
Realizing Levi wanted to feel him to the end, Eren grabbed his feet again, being careful of the bad ankle. He whimpered as he frantically stroked himself between the arches of Levi's feet. He needed just a little bit more, he was so close, and now…
Now, knowing Levi really wanted to pleasure him, not merely tease him, made this whole thing so much better.
Levi wrapped his toes around the head, agilely toying with it. He heard a squelched moan. He gazed hard, wanting to see it, to feel it, and this time on his own terms, not some wet dream or drug-induced lust.
"Levi," Eren whimpered.
"Don't say my name."
"Schätzchen," he moaned loudly like an explosion of pressure. Yes, he could call Levi darling and it worked just as well. "Mir kommt's jetzt auch." I'm gonna come. His face twitched, turned red, and his jaw began to shake as he held back from releasing. "Is it really okay?" he asked through gritted teeth.
The corner of Levi's lips lifted, and in a low voice he commanded, "Show me, Eren."
That voice snapped everything apart as Eren let out a loud, sensual cry.
Levi ignored just how painful Eren's grip on his ankle had become. He watched, and he felt. His eyes drank in Eren's face, the unfettered moans, the blissfulness of release, and his feet felt the pulses. As the pale fabric of the boxers darkened with dampness, his toes became wet. He could see the fleshy pinkness of skin just under, the twitching member hidden within, and a bit of white squished through the weave of the cotton.
Levi pulled his feet back.
He just willingly got a man off.
The last time he caused another man to come was … was…
Suddenly, he couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe!
Eren's hazy eyes opened, and with them he had a relaxed smile. "That … That was great."
"Clean up," he snapped, his voice choking in his throat.
"Do you want to bathe together?"
"No!"
Eren jolted, and only then did he notice how Levi looked: like he had seen a ghost, and the ghost wanted to kill him. "Levi? What is it?"
He felt acid shoot up in his throat and slapped a hand over his mouth. Still, he tasted vomit before choking it back down.
"Levi!"
"Fuck," he hissed.
Eren's head dropped. "I knew you would hate it."
Levi jolted and looked back up at him. "No! No, I … didn't." That confession surprised him far more than it surprised Eren. "Sorry. It's not you, really. It's just a bad memory. Don't worry about it."
"Bad memory? Of … Of back then?"
Levi tried to shake the flashback out of his brain, but it was starting to surge over him like a black specter. He could practically feel the thrusts of that man again and a mocking voice.
"Sieh dich an! Du bist so klein, mein Sperma läuft aus." Look at you! You're so tiny, my come is leaking.
Eren began to crawl forward. "Levi…"
"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME!"
They froze, both of their eyes massive in terror.
Oh shit! He had seriously shouted that.
There was a knock on the door. "Jäger? Ist alles in Ordnung?" Is everything okay?
In a flash, Levi was out of the bed, ran to the table, stepped up onto the chair, shoved the attic hatch open, and leaped like a gazelle straight up, vanishing into the attic before slamming the hatch shut again.
Eren's heart was racing, not just from the sexual excitement, but from sheer terror. He knew he had to respond quickly. "Keine Sorge, alles ist gut." Don't worry, everything is fine.
"Öffne die Tür, bitte." Open the door, please.
He silently cursed. He stood up and immediately grimaced at the mess in his underwear starting to drip. He wrapped a robe around himself and limped uncomfortably to the door. Surma was standing there, his eyes worried behind their glasses.
"Sorry, Surma. Just a bad memory."
Surma nodded sympathetically. "Kriegsneurose." Shell shock. "Many officers get it from time to time. What language was that? It wasn't German or French." He frowned and admitted, "It didn't sound like your voice." He pushed the door and looked in.
Eren panicked, but luckily there were no signs of Levi around. "I was remembering a British soldier I interrogated in Anzio. I speak a little differently when I talk in English." He purposely lowered his voice and took on a similar British accent as Levi as he said in English, "Every Englishman sounds a bit like a cranky old Jew." Then his voice went back to normal. "Sehen? Ich habe es dir gesagt. Der Ton meiner Stimme ändert sich, vor allem gegenüber denjenigen, auf die ich wütend bin." See? I told you. The tone of my voice changes, especially towards those with whom I am angry.
Surma raised an eyebrow, not fully buying the excuse, but seeing no one else in the room. "You should go to the hospital and ask for sleeping pills. They helped Phil when he first arrived suffering from shell shock due to the Normandy Coast."
"I will, thank you."
Surma left, and Eren locked the door. He let out a long sigh. That was one hell of a mood killer! He then cringed at the dripping mess running down his thighs, and he headed into the bathroom to wash up.
* * *
A few minutes later, clean and wearing fresh clothes, Eren climbed up onto the chair and slowly opened the attic hatch, only for a knife to stab out toward him.
"It's me!" he whispered sharply.
The knife pulled back. "Scratch or knock first, dammit."
"I wasn't sure if you'd run away," Eren admitted quietly.
"I can't bloody leave without clothes or shoes."
"It's safe to come down."
"No!"
Eren understood his reluctance. That had been a dangerously close call. "Then I'm coming up. I'll get a cloth and wash your feet."
Levi almost told him no, but the promise of being washed was appealing. He had spent the past few minutes in some strange mix of arousal, trauma, and terror as he heard Eren deal with that German soldier. He figured at every second that someone would open the hatch to search for him. While he probably should have hidden in a crate, or even left out onto the roof to sit and wait out the night, his brain was too flustered to think, too scared to move, and too angry to care.
A minute later, Eren returned with a wet cloth. He pulled himself up into the dark attic, but Levi did not move to a better location. The only light came through the hatch. Levi was unable to meet Eren's eyes as his feet were diligently washed with a warm cloth.
He got a man off! Not just forced to take it like the rape, not feeling Eren rub up against his back like with the Pervitin and the wet dream. No, he had purposely used his feet to stroke him until he came. He could still taste acid in the back of his throat, but he swallowed it down quickly.
"You know," Eren whispered, "that was the first time I've ever done that."
"Do you mean had someone use their feet to pleasure you? I should hope so!"
He smiled with boyish innocence. "I mean, use anything to pleasure me."
Levi's mouth dropped, and old terrors vanished instantly. "Wait! Was this … was this your first time?" he whispered in astonishment.
"First time with someone touching me, ja."
Levi's brow tightened. "Now I feel like shit."
"Huh? No, no! It was wonderful," Eren cried out.
"I only used my feet, and then I yelled at you. I almost got us both caught."
"That wasn't your fault. That was Kriegsneurose, shell shock."
Levi grumbled, "More like rape shock."
Eren's eyes softened with sympathy. That day would probably always be a nightmare for Levi. "I'm sorry—"
"Don't be. Not for this. I didn't hate it, I just didn't know I'd have an issue."
Eren bit his lip in wary hope. "You didn't hate it?"
Despite the lingering chills of terror, Levi let himself fantasize about Eren's erotic face right as he succumbed. He quietly confessed, "It was, as the English say, really hot stuff."
Eren's face burst red with embarrassment.
"Still, for your first time being touched, that was pathetic. I'm pathetic! I mean, I used my bloody feet."
"No, really! It was … so … really amazing," he confessed in a bashful whisper. "Plus it means every time after this, it will be a little better."
Levi scoffed. "Every time? Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?"
Eren shrugged. "You said you didn't hate it."
Levi rolled his eyes, but he felt something new. Smugness. It was not the first time he had watched Eren reach that euphoric peak, but it was the first time he had been an active participant. He made him reach that climax. He had been the first person to do that.
He should not feel pride about that, but he did feel his lips tighten as he struggled not to smile too much.
Eren saw the struggling smile. "Are you feeling better?"
Levi had to admit, with his feet washed and the warmth seeping into his veins, those nightmares were fading back into the past, still there, but not bothersome anymore. "I have the worst taste in the back of my throat now."
"I'll pour you some wine. Maybe it'll help you to relax. Do you feel safe being in my bed tonight, or do you want to stay up here?"
He knew the safer option was to stay in the attic, but glancing around at the cold darkness with the sound of rain pelting down on the roof like a dozen drummers, the warm light from Eren's room was inviting. He also felt guilty for yelling at Eren. He almost felt like he owed it to him.
Plus he really wanted to stay with Eren, knowing this was his first time having someone pleasure him. He wanted to pamper him just a little more.
"I'll stay with you," he whispered.
Eren looked relieved, and the bright smile chased away all the dark misgivings.
They came back down into the room, and Eren quietly shut the hatch. He poured some wine for Levi, who drank it thirstily. Then they turned off the lights, climbed into bed, and Eren wrapped around Levi, happily snuggling against his back.
To his surprise, Levi rolled around to face him in the dark. Their eyes met, and Levi leaned in to give him a soft kiss. Eren's heart fluttered as he felt the breaths of air on his face and the moonlit glow of Levi's eyes so close to him. Then he felt Levi's hand softly caressing along his arm.
"Was that really your first time having someone wank you off?"
A pout tugged on Eren's lips. "Are you regretting it?"
"No. I'm worried you will. It was just my feet."
Eren squeezed him closer, and down under the blankets his toes played with Levi's feet. "I would love to do that with any part of your body. Your feet, hands, your knees, your armpit…" He leaned in closer and whispered sensually right against Levi's lips, "…your mouth." Then he gave him a kiss.
Levi jolted at such boldness. His mouth? This was no innocent little brat!
"Any part of you," Eren whispered, "because I love every part."
Levi scoffed and flipped around in bed, facing the other way before his dick decided to have a mind of its own. "Don't say things like that."
"Why?" His fingers caressed down the back of Levi's neck, and he felt Levi shiver as he hit a weak spot. "Because it makes you happy?"
Yes, but like hell would Levi admit it. "It sounds childish."
"You often say, I am a child." Eren leaned right up into Levi's ear and whispered. "Although, a child would never speak like this."
"Shut up, tahkshet, and go to sleep."
Eren decided that was enough teasing. He snuggled in close, grabbed Levi around the waist, and with his heart warm with joy, he whispered, "Du bist die Liebe meines Lebens." You are the love of my life.
Levi's heart clenched. How could he say something like that so easily?
It hurt.
Knowing Eren's feelings hurt. Feeling this warmth in his chest hurt. Memories…
Memories hurt. Reality hurt.
Levi could not bring himself to say anything back. There were still fears, nightmares, pain, and guilt. Eren could be killed for loving him, so he almost wished he didn't, and he did not want to encourage him.
Luckily, Eren knew not to expect a reply. He was fine with that. Tonight had been a step forward in their relationship, a major breakthrough, and he could hardly wait to see where they would go from here.
Under the blankets, their feet played together. Levi smiled to himself as he drifted off. Right on the edge of sleep, softly, yet Eren was awake to hear, Levi whispered a single word.
"…T'adore."
Eren smiled to himself. He was so close! Oh well. He did not need to hear the words. Levi's feelings were clear, and knowing he was willing to take their relationship this far warmed his heart more than any words could.
# # #
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Quartett Deck – As mentioned in an earlier chapter, card games were popular in Germany, and the Nazis turned an innocent pastime into propaganda. Some card decks for Quartett had aspects of the Nazi Party, including different military equipment (popular with soldiers), or a card set with pictures of the Führer. The man sure loved to put his face on everything!
- https://www.atlas-repropaperwork.com/german-card-games
Le rouge et le noir (“The Red and the Black”) – a historical novel by Stendhal published in 1830. It chronicles a young man trying to rise socially beyond his modest upbringing through a combination of talent, hard work, deception, and hypocrisy. The book is still very popular, often listed as one of the greatest French novels ever written. Eren might be familiar with the plot, as there was a German silent film in 1928 called “Der geheime Kurier” based on Stendhal’s novel.
Les Misérables (“The Wretched Ones”) – a historical novel by Victor Hugo, published in 1862, considered one of the greatest novels of the 19th century. You know a book is good when the English don’t even translate the title! The novel follows the lives and interactions of several characters from 1815 to the June Rebellion in Paris in 1832, particularly the struggles of ex-convict Jean Valjean and his road to redemption. Numerous movies have been made based on the novel, and of course one of the greatest musicals of all time! “Do you hear the people sing?”
Une saison en enfer (“A Season in Hell”) – an extended poem in prose by Arthur Rimbaud, published in 1873. Rimbaud began writing the poem in April 1873. During that time, he traveled with his gay lover, fellow poet Paul Verlaine, and the two journeyed through Belgium to London. However, Verlaine had bouts of drunkenness and suicidal behavior, and the two often quarreled. In July, whilst staying in Brussels, Rimbaud broke up with Verlaine. Jilted, Verlaine grabbed his revolver and fired two shots, wounding Rimbaud. Verlaine was arrested and sent to two years of hard labor. Rimbaud returned home to complete the work and published A Season in Hell. However, his homosexuality was now in the open, his reputation was marred, and he was snubbed by Parisian literary circles. In anger, Rimbaud burned his manuscripts and never wrote poetry again. Despite the hate he got at the time, Une saison en enfer had a considerable influence on later artists and poets, including the Surrealists. His poetry is said to be “hard to understand when sober,” perhaps because Rimbaud was an imbiber of absinthe, a smoker of opium, and a drinker of gin and beer. No wonder the Surrealists loved it!
Psalm 130 – One of the “Song of Ascents,” some Christian churches call them “Pilgrim Songs.” In particular, Eren reads from the Luther Bibel 1545. This Psalm is traditionally read during the “Ten Days of Repentance” that begin on Rosh Hashanah and end on Yom Kippur. Jews will also read three additional Psalms every day throughout these ten days, as well as many other prayers, poems, and chapters of the Torah. Basically, you reflect and read a LOT during those ten days.
- Listen to a rabbi sing it in Hebrew: https://youtu.be/-vzrBYRP0Lw
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psalm_130#Judaism
- https://hebrew4christians.com/Scripture/Ketuvim/Psalms/Psalm_130/psalm_130.html
- https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm+130&version=LUTH1545
:שִׁיר הַמַּעֲלוֹת
.מִמַּעֲמַקִּים קְרָאתִיךָ יְהוָה
:אֲדֹנָי, שִׁמְעָה בְקוֹלִי
.תִּהְיֶינָה אָזְנֶיךָ, קַשֻּׁבוֹת-- לְקוֹל, תַּחֲנוּנָי
.אִם-עֲוֺנוֹת תִּשְׁמָר-יָהּ-- אֲדֹנָי, מִי יַעֲמֹד
.כִּי-עִמְּךָ הַסְּלִיחָה-- לְמַעַן, תִּוָּרֵא
.קִוִּיתִי יְהוָה, קִוְּתָה נַפְשִׁי; וְלִדְבָרוֹ הוֹחָלְתִּי
.נַפְשִׁי לַאדֹנָי-- מִשֹּׁמְרִים לַבֹּקֶר, שֹׁמְרִים לַבֹּקֶר
.יַחֵל יִשְׂרָאֵל, אֶל-יְהוָה: כִּי-עִם-יְהוָה הַחֶסֶד; וְהַרְבֵּה עִמּוֹ פְדוּת
.וְהוּא, יִפְדֶּה אֶת-יִשְׂרָאֵל-- מִכֹּל, עֲוֺנֹתָיו
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