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Learning to Land	By : Suteishichic Category: Prince of Tennis/Tennis no Ohjisama > General Views: 11419 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis (Tennis no Ohjisama), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 52
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- 54
Learning to Land. Chapter Fifty Three ~Ohtori~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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Ohtori never woke up the next morning simply because he had never gone to sleep.

All night he had spent the most amazing and loving hours he had ever experienced wrapped up in Shishido-san's arms.

And he did mean wrapped.

To Ohtori's shock, Shishido-san literally clung to him all through the night. He was glad his senpai had told him about his twin brother because he felt it explained this most surprising behavior. Ohtori had always considered Shishido-san the most aloof, independent, and self-reliant human he had ever tried to get to know, and yet somehow at night, asleep, his senpai became almost needful of being touched and held. It was as if Shishido-san couldn't physically get close enough to Ohtori.

He kept moving closer, touching him more, and almost demanding Ohtori touch him back, hold him, closer, tighter, and still he needed more. Almost like his senpai was freezing cold, but it was a cold that was inside of him, as if Shishido-san's soul was ice cold and only Ohtori could warm it up. The freshman was happy to oblige his senpai.

More than happy. It was a dream having Shishido-san there, holding him, kissing him, and constantly pulling him closer. If Ohtori moved or stirred even slightly, Shishido-san in his sleep tightened his arms or moved to close the tiny space, the open millimeter between their lips to again and again kiss him over and over. Ohtori stirred quite often on purpose and was blissfully happy to kiss Shishido-san back. Even though he suspected his senpai was doing all of this completely in his sleep, somehow, Ohtori sensed Shishido-san needed this. It was a good feeling that his senpai might need him, maybe as much as Ohtori needed him.

And Ohtori did need Shishido-san right then.

He could never thank Shishido-san enough for being there tonight when he truly and deeply needed him. But Ohtori was trying to not think of why and what happened and what he heard on the news. Every time he thought about it, Ohtori moved slightly which made Shishido-san hold him closer, tighter, and kiss him more, until his terrible thoughts and awful memories went away again. His senpai soothed the ache and calmed this sense of rage Ohtori felt building steadily within him.

The anger he felt was so strong and so intense, it actually scared him. For months Ohtori had been constantly pushing it down and away, but it wouldn't stay down this time. He felt like the only thing keeping it away and making him feel peaceful and happy was being here with Shishido-san. Here was where he most wanted to be and here was where he was determined to stay. He decided for the tenth or hundredth time not to think about it all, not to get upset, and to just enjoy being close to his senpai.

When they first said good night, Ohtori had closed his eyes and said "Good night Shishido-senpai." Shishido-san had laughed huskily, in this sexy and pleased way the freshman was discovering his senpai had. When Ohtori peeked out through his eyelashes to look at him, he saw Shishido-san's eyes were closed.

Ohtori was not fooled.

Everyone knew Shishido-san never slept. Ever. Even Atobe-san had said so. Ohtori had heard Atobe-san himself say it. He had heard him another time say in a big crowd that in all the time he knew Shishido-san, Atobe-san had never once seen him asleep. People even joked that Shishido-san was a beautiful vampire who never slept. But Ohtori knew his senpai did sometimes sleep. He lived with him. Sometimes Shishido-san went off and said he needed to lie down or take a nap. And that one morning, Ohtori had stupidly walked into Shishido-san's room and woke him up.

Shishido-san had startled awake, so he had been sleeping. His senpai however, was not as startled as Ohtori had been to discover him lying there completely naked. Well, almost completely. All his senpai wore was a tight t-shirt which somehow was sexier than if he had nothing on. His beautiful senpai was lying asleep, nearly naked, sprawled out on his stomach.

Ohtori's mind reeled in shock. And yet his stunned mind had still managed to take almost a photograph of the image. It had in an instant memorized the exact way Shishido-san's long, silken hair had spilled across his shirt and the pillows. It remembered perfectly the arch and curve of his senpai's spine, the position of his legs which almost exposed everything, but somehow deliciously hid enough to make it even more thrilling. It recalled exactly how Shishido-san's hands were even in sleep, tightly holding his sheets, and the way the early morning sunlight filtering into the room struck his naked, muscular, perfect body as if lovingly highlighting every muscle and nuance of his form.

The perfect image had set Ohtori's already heightened sexual senses into overdrive, and frequently tortured his waking and sleeping thoughts. As deeply embarrassed as Ohtori was, he still sketched the image of Shishido-san lying there probably a hundred times or more since he had walked in on him. Ohtori was skilled at drawing, but found nothing he did could bring to life that perfect form and the beauty he had seen, nor the raw emotions of need and want he had felt in that instant. As talented as he was, he did not have the skills needed, and yet, the freshman tried to recreate the moment constantly. In class he would doodle a few lines and love how he was secretly drawing how his senpai's hand held the sheets tightly as if to hold on.

The vision he saw that morning often danced through his mind. So much that sometimes, Ohtori didn't even realize he was again thinking about it. He would realize later as he looked at his notes from class that the curving lines he doodled were Shishido-san's spine from that morning. He would open a textbook and discover he had written some long flowing patters that were actually the way the locks of his senpai's hair had fanned over his pillow.

Quite simply, Ohtori had never wanted anyone or anything as much as he wanted Shishido-san. It was a constant want and much more than a physical yearning. Ohtori realized he had fallen for his own plan. The more he worked to bring his senpai closer to him, the harder Ohtori had fallen for him in return. He had feelings for his senpai before, but when he opened the door and saw him, there, naked, like that, it had made his head spin. He felt dizzy in the rush of heat, and suddenly that morning, Ohtori had felt afraid. He felt it was bad somehow, and very wrong to have thoughts like, well, that, sexual ones. Shishido-san was his senpai, and he was to be respected. Ohtori's thoughts and physical response in that moment had not been respectful. Not at all.

After he idiotically walked in on him, Shishido-san had laughed about it. His senpai even tried to reassure Ohtori, but the freshman knew what he had thought when he saw him. He knew what he wanted. Ohtori had feelings for Shishido-san since he first saw him, but seeing his senpai, lying there like that, all Ohtori had wanted, besides his sexual urges, was to be lying there with him. He suddenly needed and wanted Shishido-san to want him back, but he never dreamed it would ever really happen.

Ohtori took a long hard look at himself and figured that maybe, at most, Shishido-san would like him on an emotional level and a personal one. Realistically, when he looked at all the beautiful model-type girls Shishido-san was rumored to have dated or be dating, all the perfect and pretty girls and guys who were rumored to have crushes on his senpai, and at how handsome Atobe-san was, Ohtori truly thought he had no chance of his senpai liking him as anything more than a friend. Ohtori knew he was not ugly, but so many of the other students at Hyoutei were truly attractive in an ethereal breath-taking sort of way. And the most beautiful student of all, in Ohtori's opinion and he knew many other people's as well, was his senpai. Standing next to Shishido-san, who was blessed with beauty and poise, the freshman felt awkward, and clumsy. He could never hope to mirror not only the graceful way of moving his senpai had, but the self-confidence he projected at all times.

That was another problem. Ohtori had always been quiet, and prone to blushing a bit, but with Takeo around he never felt painfully shy or blushed so constantly and horribly red like he did now. Always before, Takeo warmed the crowd up often just for Ohtori. The freshman had never even noticed or appreciated how much Takeo went out of his way to make him feel comfortable. His best friend had been always there, always encouraging, and always nearly forcing Ohtori to join in the fun. If someone asked Ohtori a question that was off-putting or embarrassing, Takeo was right beside him to turn it around and into a joke before Ohtori could blush too deeply red. Ohtori had confidence back then he only realized now because he had someone constantly on his side helping him and making things okay. Without that person there in his corner, Ohtori felt lost and was frequently embarrassed.

The only time Ohtori was unable to be helped by Takeo was on stage. Even when it was just the two of them performing for a small group, Ohtori would freeze. He didn't know why it happened, but it did whenever he played anything onstage or while a crowd watched-except when he played tennis.

A very young Ohtori and Takeo had pondered why this was. They tried theory after theory from that Ohtori forgot to be shy when playing, to he was caught up in the game with tennis, to he was confident that they would win as they almost always did, and even that he concentrated differently for tennis than for piano or violin. Finally they concluded they didn't know why on stage Ohtori either froze or panicked, but he did. It turned out that a lot of artists and performers had stage fright, and that it was a very simple matter to correct. About fifteen minutes to a half hour before a show, performance, or any time Ohtori knew he might be nervous and freeze, he took a beta-blocker.

A lot of artists did this. It was a quiet but considered acceptable thing in the music community. Beta-blockers were legal, though by prescription, and when Ohtori mentioned his severe stage fright to his family doctor like his piano teacher told him to, the doctor had no problem writing the script for him. There were no physical side-effects other than about 20-30 minutes later and for about 2-3 hours, Ohtori suddenly had nearly no inhibitions. He would feel almost no fear, no embarrassment, and no shame.

There were no physical side-effects, but he discovered there were side-effects.

On the beta-blockers, Ohtori often boldly said the first things that came into his mind, right or wrong, without censor. He wouldn't do or say anything the normally quiet and shy Ohtori didn't think of saying or doing, but the Ohtori after taking the pill actually, impulsively, acted and reacted on his thoughts. Everyone has things they think of saying or doing, telling a teacher off, fighting with a friend, making a joke that might hurt someone, or asking someone you like out, but fear has a way of censoring your behavior so you have some tact and sense of propriety. Ohtori on the beta-blockers lost his sense of tact.

When he took a beta-blocker he usually felt like he was watching himself say and do things, without being able to stop himself. He would cringe as he said and did things, and know he would pay later for them. Even Takeo who was pretty outrageous and bold when it came to saying things would be shocked by how Ohtori would become. Ohtori thought it felt like he was watching himself play on stage and in a crowd. He was watching himself having moments, instead of living them. Some of his emotions and his reasoning were dulled to the point of being non-existent, while other, more basic instincts, emotions, and urges could nearly take him over if he allowed them to. It was a constant struggle on the pills to reign himself in.

He didn't like to take them, but for the sake of performing he had no choice. His stage fright was so severe that he couldn't perform even for just his parents, and if it was a piece he was unfamiliar with, he was nervous even in front of his instructors. He loved to play so he took them, but he hated how he played on them. He actually preferred how he played without them.

Even Takeo agreed that Ohtori without the pills practicing a song played much better than on stage uninhibited acting out Ohtori with them. Ohtori felt it too. It was a false sense of invulnerability that would come over him and he would have to force himself to not act like an idiot on them. His playing as a result to him sounded wooden and dull instead of how deep and rich it was when he and Takeo were alone. He also liked who he was around Takeo better than who he was when he was in a crowd. He often felt shy or too nervous to say anything until Takeo had worked to make him feel comfortable. Even then sometimes he found himself standing in the back of the room and hoping no one noticed him, while at the same time, wishing desperately he could be in the middle of the crowd with Takeo just free and having fun. It was as if sometimes he had stage fright just having a conversation or hanging out with a bunch of friends, so occasionally, Ohtori took a beta-blocker when he knew he would be in a situation where he might freeze or feel too shy.

This though, was not always good. Sometimes when he took the beta-blockers, Ohtori would know distantly in the back of his mind that he was almost drunkenly able to do and say whatever he would normally be too afraid to. He would try to censor his thoughts but they would usually pop out of his mouth anyway to his deep shame later. Ohtori had taken a pill the night he and Takeo had gone to that party, the one where that girl he liked had kissed him, and he knew it was the pill that allowed that to happen. Shy Ohtori would have mumbled an excuse and left the girl, but the one on the beta-blocker had listened to his urges and not cared about the consequences. Part of the reason Takeo had forgiven him so soon was due to Takeo urging Ohtori to take a pill before they went to the party so Ohtori wasn't a wallflower constantly needing to be rescued. But after that happened, Takeo made him promise to never take them unless they were performing on stage.

Ohtori agreed, and Ohtori hadn't broken that promise to Takeo. He hadn't taken one for a long time. He had not taken any at first because he didn't know if he could with the drugs they put him on after Takeo. He had taken one for the first time when he went to meet their tennis coach who was also the music department head. Ohtori ran nearly the entire way to the meeting. He was horribly nervous, had nothing prepared, didn't know what would happen, but knew that often physical activity seemed to speed the pill up to work faster in his body. It had just started kicking in right when Ohtori stammered a greeting to his coach. He felt it start working as he went around back to get onto the stage, and when he saw the violin sitting there, in the case, next to the chair on stage, he was glad he did.

Ohtori hadn't looked at his own violin for months.

He had not been able to.

He had not even brought it to school with him, but his father or his mother must have packed it along with his things. He was unpacking, and suddenly there it was. The day he discovered his violin was the day before Atobe-san had brought Ohtori to practice with the sub-regulars, and a primary reason he was not doing so well that day. Since then, he hadn't even looked at it. Not in weeks. Not since moving in with his senpais. He even tried to avoid looking at the familiar worn case that held so much of his past locked away inside it. Just like he held so much inside himself, almost to the point lately where Ohtori was feeling like he might burst or break. He only prayed fervently that if it ever happened, if he ever broke, Shishido-san would not be around to see.

The beta-blocker that night though had helped Ohtori get through playing the piano for his coach. He had nearly lost control, and said things he shouldn't have before remembering that he had to reign himself in. He was able to wrestle for control, and once he had it, he had been able to hold onto it, be polite, and play. The pill had also helped him cope with his shock at seeing Shishido-san and Atobe-san there when he was done.

Shishido-san had seen him play...

That was a little dream he had come true. And to Ohtori's surprise, his senpai seemed to be deeply moved, almost in awe of Ohtori's musical abilities. Ohtori could think of no greater or sweeter complement than that.

Without the beta blocker, Ohtori knew he would have been a stammering ball of shame at how terribly he had played, with it, he had been brave. Brave enough to accept his coach's complements, and Shishido-san's as well as if he felt confident. He was also rather bold, helping to pull Shishido-san up to the stage, showing him how to play, making jokes, and even putting his fingers on his senpai's to show him. They had talked and laughed together. Ohtori had felt relief, happiness, and a sense of belonging somewhere for the first time in a very long time. As the pill slowly wore off, and the good feelings continued, Ohtori understood that his feeling happy and free was not from the pill, but from being with his senpai. He could be himself around Shishido-san, most of the time at least. And enough of the pill was in his system that Ohtori realized for the first time, with no inhibitions, how deep his feelings for Shishido-san really were. For the first time in his life, Ohtori realized he was in love.

Since that night, that feeling of being in love grew in his heart, and it seemed to help ease many of the sad and empty feelings rolling around his insides like a violent emotional storm. But no matter how strong these new feelings of being in love were, not even they seemed able to cool the growing anger Ohtori was feeling. The problem was there was no where for him to vent his rage to. He felt unable to tell anyone how he was feeling, he felt guilty for having the angry thoughts and feelings, and Takeo, the one person Ohtori wanted to direct all this fury to, was not around.

But Shishido-san was. And he seemed to somehow sense Ohtori needed him. Whenever Ohtori was feeling low, he found his senpai was right there. Shishido-san gave him conversation, comfort, and companionship unlike any Ohtori had known before. He was in awe of his senpai, and even more so as he saw that Shishido-san seemed to really care about Ohtori. It was in all the little things he did to care for him. His senpai always made sure Ohtori was doing well in school, tennis, and that he was sleeping, eating, and drinking enough water. It was more than just what a big brother or even just a friend would do. His senpai was looking out for him because he cared.

Shishido-san would make certain Ohtori had eaten and if he hadn't recently, he would even either take Ohtori out for food or cook for him. Even if Shishido-san's food shelf in the refrigerator was almost empty, he would somehow always be able to put a plate together of something warm and wonderful for Ohtori to eat. Ohtori realized how giving his senpai was when shortly after Ohtori had to play for their coach, Atobe-san approached Ohtori and demanded that the freshman tell him what, if anything, Shishido-san had been eating.

Ohtori had been too stunned to respond to the odd question.

Shishido-san had not been eating lunch and dinner with everyone that week, but there were times when he seemed to prefer to go off on his own. Atobe-san had walked Ohtori far away from everyone else so no one could overhear them. He told the freshman that the year before, Shishido-san's mother "forgot" to send payment on his Hyoutei card after she had a fight with him. The way Atobe-san said it left nothing to the imagination, there was no forgetting, she really just didn't send the payment. No money on the card meant Shishido-san had no money for books, clothes, food, or anything. Apparently Shishido-san said nothing to anyone and tried to handle it on his own. He did not do well. Atobe-san said his senpai had started getting nosebleeds from not eating, and that one day he passed out right before practice. Atobe-san told Ohtori that Shishido-san ultimately was his responsibility because he was their Vice-Captain, and he also explained to the freshman that he truly cared about Shishido-san. He said that he didn't want to ask proud Shishido-san if everything was all right and suspected Ohtori's senpai would lie and say everything was fine even if it wasn't. Which he said, was why Atobe-san was asking Ohtori, Shishido-san's little brother and suitemate, if his senpai was really all right.

Ohtori worried, but wouldn't tell Atobe-san anything. For one thing, he wasn't positive that was what was going on. True, Shishido-san was disappearing after the afternoon practices and not showing up until later at night, but all his senpai seemed to be doing was going off on his own and playing a lot of billiards. Ohtori had even once considered following Shishido-san, just to watch him play, but would never do that because he didn't want to stalk him.

On the other hand, he knew his senpai hadn't bought in when he and Taki-san ordered pizza lately, and the food on his shelf in the refrigerator was nearly empty. Shishido-san had only had a few bottles of water, mostly for Ohtori, a little cheese, and a small bit of bread. Shishido-san had used the cheese up making Ohtori a sandwich and toasting it for him the night before. His senpai watched and made sure Ohtori ate it all with seemingly nothing but concern for his little brother. After Atobe-san explained this of course, Ohtori felt horribly guilty wondering if his senpai gave almost his last bit of food away, and when he remembered that Shishido-san had taken his last few slices to bread with him when he turned in, the freshman suspected he did.

Ohtori was astounded by this.

It amazed him how Shishido-san never complained, and most of all, he never felt sorry for himself or seemed to feel down about things. If there was a problem, he tried to handle it. He seemed unconquerable, as if he would come back fighting against any odds. Ohtori knew right then, in his heart, if Shishido-san had been sick like Takeo was, he would never have given up like Takeo did. His senpai would have thought of the consequences of his actions. He would have thought of how hard it would be on Ohtori, his family, and everyone around him, and put their needs ahead of his own. Shishido-san would have stayed with Ohtori no matter what. Ohtori loved him a little harder right then, and decided he would make sure his senpai was all right.

The freshman never flinched when Atobe-san ordered him to confess what Shishido-san had been eating. Ohtori would never tell his senpai's secrets, although he feared he would make Atobe-san furious, his Vice-Captain seemed impressed by Ohtori's resolve to not tell. In the end, Ohtori didn't need to. When Shishido-san came home that evening he was in a very good mood. He smiled and happily told Ohtori he had won a lot of money playing pool. He included a story on how he beat these two cocky older guys with a combination of skill, smarts, and luck. His senpai also seemed happy because a letter from his parents arrived, probably Ohtori realized with his senpai's check for his Hyoutei card, although his senpai never said. That night he came out and insisted Ohtori split a pizza with him even though the freshman protested he had already eaten. Ohtori even tried to pay for half, but his senpai paid for and ate almost the entire thing. Even with anchovies.

Things between him and his senpai seemed to be going very well. Ohtori knew in his own heart he was not experiencing an infatuation or a crush, just like he knew to never mention his feelings about his senpai to anyone. Still, it hurt him deeply to feel that he wasn't good enough for his senpai. For weeks he has fought to accept friends only as the way things would be. No matter how he tried to convince himself he couldn't. Ohtori finally came to the conclusion that he wouldn't accept Shishido-san would never love him back without at least trying. To do less than that would really be unworthy of Shishido-san who put his heart into being the best at whatever he did. Ohtori could mirror that. He decided he would.

He knew he was in love with his senpai and what he wanted most of all was for Shishido-san to return his feelings. Ohtori had boldly decided to pursue his senpai after determining that getting someone to accept your pets, like stroking a cat until it likes and trusts you, isn't so unlike getting to know someone as you slowly fall in love with each other. The freshman thought that it's only the goal that changes slightly between hoping someone will open their heart a little to like you back or really open their heart completely to love you back.

Ohtori decided to change his goal and try the Friday night Taki and he had a few shots of alcohol. It had been a rough week. Over the weekend, Ohtori was supposed to go home to prepare for Takeo's memorial service. The one that his mother only was having for him. It was going to be a small, private thing, with whatever religion she was into at the moment, and Ohtori had learned not even Takeo's father or family was going to attend. Some time later, Takeo's father had planned on a large, "proper" service, and Takeo's mother did not approve. Things between Takeo's parents had completely broken down. His parents were no longer even speaking to each other. Takeo's mother had also sold her home and moved. Ohtori still couldn't imagine Takeo not being there let alone his mother being gone and someone else, other people, living there.

It was nearly overwhelming especially as the freshman realized he was now going to have to go through this whole thing twice. He was too grief-stricken for the funeral at the time, and even now, months later, he still did not feel ready to say goodbye. Not truly. Not forever.

The worst thing was Ohtori knew Takeo hated all that funeral garbage. He thought it was worthless, and used to joke that it didn't matter to him when he was dead who was around or what everyone did. He made sick jokes of selling his body to science, and them "burying" him at sea to be fish food or in space to be Martian food. It made Ohtori angry even now to think of how cold that was of Takeo. Ohtori understood that funerals really were to help the living move on, but Takeo selfishly never thought of things like that. Even thinking of Takeo being so selfish and leaving him behind made Ohtori feel infuriated with anger. And then racked with guilt over feeling so enraged.

It had been a bad, stressful week because thoughts of what to say when he wasn't ready to say them were rolling around his mind and all the while, Ohtori passionately did not want to go. He felt lost and alone and angry. To make matters worse, he had no one to talk any of his feelings over with. There was no one to tell how far away his anger made him feel from Takeo. And he knew he had no one to blame but himself for not being up front with people in general. Shishido-san in specific.

Ohtori had worked himself up all day to confess everything to Shishido-san. He had a feeling that just telling all this, saying everything that happened, to his senpai would make him feel better, and think more clearly about what he should do. He knew he could trust Shishido-san to listen, even to the fooling around sex things he and Takeo did. He knew his senpai would hear him out, understand, and not judge him or think any less of him. Ohtori all day had carefully prepared and gone over what he wanted to say to his senpai in his head. He had also taken a pill so he wouldn't be nervous or shy.

But that night, right after instructing Ohtori, Shishido-san stood, stretched, and announced he was tired and going to bed early.

Ohtori's hopes sank with his heart. He had a feeling that Shishido-san might pull away because they were getting along so well, but when it actually happened, the timing of his withdrawal really hurt. Ohtori even thought to ask Shishido-san if he could ask him a question or talk to him, but his senpai had that determined look on his face and Ohtori didn't want to push. Not when he had worked so hard to bring them as close as they were.

Right after Shishido-san shut his door, Taki-san asked Ohtori if he wanted to have some Friday night fun. He brought out a bottle of peppermint liquor and told Ohtori it was time he learned to play a few traditional Hyoutei drinking games. Ohtori couldn't think of a reason to say no.

He wondered later if it was the beta-blocker he had taken in preparation of talking to Shishido-san that made him get so drunk so fast. He had a vague funny memory of Taki-san trying to physically move him to his bed, both of them laughing, and Ohtori insisting that he wanted to stay where he was.

He missed Shishido-san and their best talks had been on the couch. Ohtori had a wonderful drunken dream of Takeo telling him that life is too short not to try to pursue Shishido-san. He said that if you love someone, you should try because you never knew with love what might happen. His dream drifted into this amazing moment of him and Shishido-san deeply and hotly kissing each other on the couch. He vividly recalled from the dream the feel of Shishido-san's warm, soft lips on his, their tongues touching, their breath coming harder as the kiss turned hotter. He could remember as if was real the feeling of his fingers running through Shishido-san's silky hair, and in his dream, Shishido-san kissed Ohtori back and moaned as if he wanted him too. It was wonderful.

The dream turned not so nice after that, something about Taki-san kissing him and Ohtori pushing him away, but the first part and especially the middle part was wonderful. Ohtori later realized that Taki-san had kissed him. While he was drunk and asleep, that part of the dream probably had happened. After Takeo had warned him to not kiss Taki-san too, and told him he was supposed to be with the second person he kissed. It was too depressing to think about so usually he didn't. He held on to the unreal and good parts, Takeo talking to him, and Shishido-san kissing him.

The good parts of the dream gave him hope as he got up early the next morning. He was somewhere between still drunk and hungover and physically felt terrible. Ohtori showered with shaking hands and tried not to be ill as he dressed. The car ride home was horrible and he was nearly carsick several times. His father picked him up and was worried, as was his mother when she saw him. She sent him straight to bed although he came home early to work on the memorial speech he was going to say and the music he would perform at the memorial service. He ran a fever. It was high enough that his mother called Takeo's mom and told her that he was too sick to attend. Ohtori felt terrible, but later in his feverish dream, Takeo said not to worry about it. He reminded Ohtori that he didn't care if anyone went, and he said he was worried that Ohtori was sick. Takeo said Ohtori always did this, made himself sick, when he stressed himself out and had to stop, and then he kissed Ohtori's forehead and left him alone to sleep. Ohtori was so exhausted, he forgot to feel weird or lonely when he fell asleep in his old bed all alone.

He slept that entire day and night away and had no more dreams. He didn't wake up until early the next morning. His fever was gone, his mind was clear, and though he felt guilty for missing the memorial, it was as if a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. He shared a quick breakfast with his family and had his parents drive him back to school as soon as he possibly could convince them to. All he wanted was to be back home before Shishido-san was even awake on that Sunday morning. Ohtori realized for the first time on the drive over that he thought of Hyoutei as home. His parents still worried about him being ill the day before, but were visibly relieved when they saw how excited to return to school their son was.

He even wanted to introduce his parents to Shishido-san and never even thought until later when they left that they might be shocked by how much, from a distance, Shishido-san looked like Takeo. Well, only until you got close to him or talked to him that is. Taki-san met his parents instead, and explained to them that Shishido-san must have gone to Sunday practice. Ohtori was disappointed, but still couldn't wait to see his senpai.

Although he worried when he remembered Shishido-san going off into his room on Friday night early. They hadn't talked since then. He might be angry at Ohtori for not telling him about going home, even though Ohtori really never got the chance to tell him. Ohtori worried more when Taki got a call immediately after practice from another sub-regular club member spreading gossip. It was about Atobe-san ordering everyone except Shishido-san out of the locker room while his senpai was still in the shower so they could "talk". Taki-san let Ohtori know in no uncertain terms that he had heard and believed the Vice-Captain and his senpai were not talking. They were having sex. In the showers. People said they heard them.

Ohtori was crestfallen at that news. He was disheartened and very worried, but he told himself to have faith and believe. Shishido-san probably was scared by how close they were getting. Like a stray cat, he was probably worried about losing his freedom or being hurt and wanted one last night of carousing before settling in. This had happened before with cats and even stray dogs and Ohtori knew they always came home to where they were loved. The important thing to do, he reminded himself, was to make sure to not give them any grief. Show them nothing but love and acceptance when they came back, and they would stray less and less. He knew his senpai was not truly a cat or a dog and that Ohtori had no reason or right to accuse him of straying, but the analogy felt correct to him. So he kept it in mind as he heard Shishido-san saying hello to Taki-san in the hallway as he removed his shoes.

Ohtori loved how his senpai removed his shoes. He had the cutest habit with them. With his toes on his right foot he would remove his left shoe first and set it in place, then do this little step before he would remove his right shoe with his other foot. His senpai would always put the shoes together backwards. His right shoe would always be on his left and his left on his right. It wouldn't be funny if his senpai had adapted to having this probably life-long habit but he hadn't. Shishido-san would always stick his right foot in his left shoe, make a noise of annoyance, as if someone mixed his shoes up to bother him, and then correct it. Ohtori had probably seen his senpai do this fifty times the first week they lived together before he decided to experiment. When Ohtori came home one night after practicing with Hiyoshi and removed his own shoes, almost on impulse, he straightened out both pairs of Shishido-san's shoes so the rights were on the right and the lefts on the left.

He waited and watched carefully the next morning when his senpai put on his shoes to see if he noticed, said something, or paused. He never did. His senpai had no idea he had this habit. Since then Ohtori had straightened out his shoes every day, whenever he saw them out of place. Only if Ohtori didn't get to them in time did Shishido-san notice and sound annoyed as if someone tried to trick him. He would make that little angry growling noise before putting the right foot in the right shoe. Ohtori thought it was the most adorable thing he had ever seen.

The freshman had developed a habit of switching the shoes around to the extent that even Taki-san noticed. He made a comment about how Ohtori really was a "neat freak" and he was glad he wasn't a slob like Shishido-san. Ohtori never told Taki-san that actually, Shishido-san was neater than both of them put together, he just had this one cute habit. He also never mentioned to Taki-san that he really liked being able to do things, even silly little things to make his handsome senpai happy.

His handsome senpai who was finally home. The freshman thought about his shoes and was so excited to see Shishido-san, he forgot to be worried about Friday night, or the rumors of where his senpai had been, or anything. Ohtori warmly greeted him and felt as if he hadn't seen him in weeks instead of in just one day, "Shishido-san! How was practice?"

Ohtori would never forget the smile Shishido-san gave him after a moment of looking at him. For an instant, his senpai looked at him guardedly. He seemed wary and concerned, almost as if worried Ohtori would be angry or reject him. Ohtori saw his senpai scan his face and then when he found nothing there but Ohtori's sincere happiness at seeing him, Shishido-san smiled in that warm, soft way he had. Ohtori felt his insides melt upon seeing that smile, and his heart raced wildly. Its speed doubled when Ohtori realized he had had only seen Shishido-san give that smile to him. Never to anyone else but him. Ohtori's worries melted away with that smile. His handsome senpai looked very happy to see him. So happy he didn't notice for a long moment why Ohtori was dressed so warmly despite the weather.

The freshman would later wonder at the terrible timing he and his senpai so often seemed to have. Ohtori had made plans to go ice skating with Taki-san only to get his mind off where his senpai was, and what he might be doing, and with whom he might be doing it with. When Shishido-san walked in the door, Ohtori wished only for his senpai to accompany him-instead of Taki-san.

He had this sudden ridiculous romantic image of teaching Shishido-san how to ice skate, and being able to hold his senpai's hands with his own as he did. He had a vision of visible breath in the chill, cold lips pressed together to keep warm, and warm smiles. In his little fantasy, he and his senpai would both fall, but they would both somehow be fine. After falling, they would laugh so hard as they often did until they cried tears and then laugh at that as well. They would be close together, still smiling, centimeters away from each other's face. Shishido-san would ask if he was all right, Ohtori would say he was and he would smooth back his senpai's soft hair that had fallen across his face, before their lips met in a kiss.

Ohtori's little daydream was quickly crushed as he watched Shishido-san get visibly upset and refuse to go ice skating. His senpai said to Taki-san he fell through the ice, but there was much more to it than that, Ohtori could clearly see there was. Something terrible. Something terrible enough to upset his senpai who always seemed unshakable.

He didn't want to leave Shishido-san when he was upset, but he knew not to push him. To push him to talk before he was ready was as good as pushing him away, and that he would never do. Also, Ohtori received a call over the weekend while he was at home. The DVD anime boxset he ordered, the one with over 100 episodes that Shishido-san had told people he wanted to see, had come in. Ohtori had a plan, and all he hoped for was to fix their terrible timing so they could finally sync up. His other plans had worked well so far, so he felt reassured that this one might have a chance too.

Ohtori's next hesitation was on deciding to take a pill or not that first night before asking Shishido-san to watch the anime show with him. He was so nervous his hands were trembling too much to open the DVD case when his senpai said yes. Ohtori decided to not take a beta-blocker if he could help it. He was worried about the effects they had when he drank that night with Taki-san, and he didn't want to stupidly blurt out his feelings uncensored. He worried about that a lot but mainly, Ohtori wanted his senpai to like him how he was, even if right then he was so nervous he had to remind himself to breathe. Somehow he kept his voice from trembling when he asked Shishido-san to move down on the couch so he could sit next to him. Ohtori still wasn't sure how he pulled that off, and was still grateful that his senpai easily agreed.

Ohtori just in case did have a plan if Shishido-san hadn't agreed, but was very happy he didn't have to use it. Still it took nearly three episodes of Ohtori reminding himself to breathe in and out, trying to stop his hands from shaking, and trying to resist touching Shishido-san's hair which had spilled to his thrill into his lap in a heavy, silken, vanilla-scented sigh before he worked up the courage to do anything.

It took that long because when his senpai's hair hit his lap, Ohtori never wished to be naked so fervently in his life. He had never thought of his senpai's hair touching him naked, there in any of his fantasies, but in real life it was the most erotic thing he could ever imagine. Ohtori was hard, just from that little touch, and utterly embarrassed. He blushed completely through the entire second show and tried to think of something, anything, but his senpai's hair laying against his naked skin. His very hard, naked skin just below one thin layer of his pajama pants. Oh he had to stop thinking about it, and thank god he didn't take a pill.

Ohtori realized he probably had a bit of a hair fetish in general and had developed a very specific fetish for long, dark brown, vanilla-smelling, hair attached to a certain senpai. He was terrified his senpai would get up and see him erect and his hair there and think Ohtori was strange, or a pervert, or a freak. Shishido-san had once complained jokingly that he had no real friends because everyone he knew, girls and guy, kept confessing to him. Ohtori didn't want his senpai to feel that way about him too, and he knew the way to handle this and his feelings was to take things really slow.

By the third episode he had convinced himself to touch Shishido-san's hair just enough to move it off his obvious erection. He wished he had put on jeans instead of these very erection revealing pajamas, and as he softly touched his senpai's luxurious locks, he wondered if moving it off was an excuse. Ohtori knew he had yearned to touch anything on his senpai since he had first seen him.

Suddenly, his senpai moved, asked Ohtori to pause the show, and went into the bathroom. Ohtori froze. His heart pounded, and he had to keep from panicking and running into his room to hide. He wasn't sure if Shishido-san had felt him touching his hair, and if he had felt his touch, Ohtori had no idea how his senpai would respond. In the few minutes he was gone, Ohtori prayed, bargained, tried to think of excuses, asked Takeo for help, and waited nervously because he had a sense that everything boiled down to what happened in the next few minutes.

His senpai returned from the bathroom and casually lay back down on the couch. Nothing happened for a few seconds and Ohtori thought maybe Shishido-san never felt him touching his hair. He was both relieved and disappointed. But then his senpai in one of his big brushes with his hand he made whenever moving his hair, casually swept it up and into Ohtori's lap. All of it. Ohtori didn't know how he kept from gasping in shock but he just barely managed. He re-started the show and for several minutes as his heart pounded wondered if this was a test for him to resist from touching his senpai's hair or a demand for him to touch it. He didn't know.

And he realized he really needed to know. A million fears popped into his mind. Fears of angering his senpai, driving him away, moving too fast, and not being Shishido-san's type by any stretch of the imagination were foremost. Ohtori's heart was beating so hard and loud he was certain his senpai could hear it as he softly, hesitantly untwisted some of his senpai's hair that had spiraled around the rest when it was dropped. Ohtori moved his fingers a little more. It was softer than he imagined. It was nearly dry, and flowed through his fingers like silken water. He remembered from when he had long hair, that sometimes you couldn't feel someone touching the ends unless any by your scalp was moved. In the reflection of the television screen, Ohtori watched his senpai's reaction as he touched his hair closer to his scalp with trembling hands, and knew Shishido-san would feel it now.

His senpai closed his eyes for a long moment. Ohtori didn't know what that meant, and almost on their own, his hands stopped, but then they started again and he watched fascinated as his senpai curled his toes in pleasure. Takeo used to do that so Ohtori knew it was a good response, a turned on response of enjoyment. His senpai then moved.

Ohtori froze. He didn't know what it meant as the crown of his senpai's head touched his leg. He saw in the reflection of the screen Shishido-san looked concerned, and he decided to take another chance. He softly again brushed his fingers though his senpai's hair and watched as Shishido-san smiled slightly but almost in a relieved kind of way. As if he was also nervous and maybe a little scared too. And Ohtori thought it only made sense, after all, Shishido-san had no idea about Takeo. He had no idea that Ohtori could like a guy. The few times they had ever spoken about someone being attractive or not, it had always been about girls. Ohtori kept touching his hair, brushing its soft length through his fingers, and watched each response of pleasure his senpai made with his breathing, his body, his toes, his closed eyes, and his smile. The closer to his scalp Ohtori ran his hands, the more his senpai responded, even sighing a few times.

Ohtori didn't know if he was more turned on or happy right then, not that it mattered because he was so elated he felt high, and drunk. He was glad he and Takeo had watched this anime about a hundred times so he remembered every line and when to laugh. He had known that Shishido-san would enjoy it as much as he did. Ohtori heard a noise behind him and quickly dropped Shishido-san's hair. Taki-san came out of their room and demanded that they go to sleep. He was just able to stammer out to placate an infuriated Taki-san, "Taki-san? Did we wake you? I'm so sorry! We're going to bed after this episode is over. It's almost over. We're just going to watch the end."

He knew he was blushing furiously as the words about him and Shishido-san going to bed popped out of his mouth before he could stop them. It sounded like they were going to bed together. Ohtori realized he felt so high from touching his senpai and not being rejected that it was as if he had taken the beta-blocker after all. Still feeling high, he handed his senpai the remote for the television and unable to resist, touched their fingertips lightly together. It was as if he had a static shock the size of a lightening bolt run through his body at the contact and from the surprised look on his senpai's face, he felt the same. Ohtori had asked him if he could sleep and his senpai said to his delight, "I'll try in a little while. Thanks, Choutarou." Then he smiled giving Ohtori the smile he only gave to him.

It was the first time he had really said Ohtori's given name. Ohtori felt so happy and drunk he couldn't resist asking, "Maybe we can watch more tomorrow night, Shishido-san?"

His senpai graced him with another smile, the half-smile one he used when something interested him, "I'd really like that. Now we should go to bed."

Ohtori was already blushing, and felt his heart and his erection throb a little faster to the double entendre. Still, a part of him, that bold part before he was so painfully shy dared to say, "Yes, Shishido-san." Because if in that moment his senpai was asking him if he would go to bed with him, despite any fears or reservations, and despite Ohtori's numerous confusions as to how things would actually work with ukes and semes and tops and bottoms, Ohtori would put them all aside and go. His senpai had only to ask.

Probably because Shishido-san was so much more experienced, and because Taki-san was standing there nearly trembling with rage, forgotten by the both of them flirting with each other, all Shishido-san did was bid him a very fond goodnight. Ohtori was going to try to lay down and sleep, but his insistent erection would have made that impossible. He felt too vulnerable with Taki-san being so obviously interested in him, and him being so completely turned on to even try. He went to the bathroom to take care of it. Ohtori hoped Shishido-san was still on the couch, and he was surprised when he saw his senpai's closed bedroom door. Surprised and even more thrilled as he a little too loudly announced to Taki-san's inquiry as to where he was going.

Ohtori closed the door but did not lock it. The thrill that Shishido-san might show up in the room to be with him was too powerful an intoxicant to resist. Within an instant, Ohtori had one hand playing with his nipple, and the other pulling down his pajama pants. He didn't even bother to sit down but leaned against the wall to hold himself up.

He wondered for the hundredth time, how did his senpai like to be touched? Kissed? Held? Where did he like to be touched? Did he make any sounds when he came? Ohtori's hand stroked his hard and hot erection feverishly, and then he changed his hands, slowed his speed, closed his eyes, and thought of how Shishido-san's tennis callused hand would feel wrapped around his hardness if his senpai came into the room, stood behind him, and touched him. They were both right handed, but Ohtori with Takeo had gotten into the habit of stroking Takeo with his right hand and himself with his left. His own right hand felt unfamiliar, and he wondered how his senpai would touch him while at the same time wondered again how he liked to be touched. He wondered if his senpai was in his own bed, touching himself and thinking of him. He wanted to watch his senpai touch himself. He wanted to touch his senpai and make him feel so good. He wanted to touch his senpai while his senpai touched him...stroked him...kissed him...came with him...touched him just like...

Ohtori whispered as he came, "Ryoh..."

That night, he fell asleep smiling.

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Learning to Land