Dangerous Territory | By : Rhov Category: +. to F > Attack on Titan /Shingeki No Kyojin Views: 4227 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own “Shingeki no Kyojin” and do not make money from this fanfic. |
Chapter 54
The Leak in the Attic
Levi woke up again with the sun finally in the sky and the storm pelting the window. His shoulders were chilled, and he tried to figure out where his clothes went.
Oh … Oh, that was right. He and Eren…
He rolled over to look at Eren sleeping. Softly, Levi caressed his brown hair, a little stiff from the sweating earlier. He gazed at Eren's lips, recalling how they had wrapped around him, sucking awkwardly at first, and then voraciously. Such a dirty, busy mouth!
He really had wanted to take his time with Eren. Maybe in another time and place, he would have courted him properly, enjoying those preciously innocent moments of new exploration that had made dating Petra so memorable.
But that was not 1944, and it was not Nazi-controlled Metz. Time was a luxury, and any Place was fraught with dangers. The most they could hope for was to get in as many moments as they could, indulging in each other here in this room, so that when their time together ran out, they regretted nothing.
Eren slowly roused himself, feeling the gentleness of a hand in his hair. His eyes fluttered open, and he saw Levi silhouetted by the pale light coming through the rain-streaked window.
"Hallo," he whispered, not fully awake yet.
"Bonjour, petite marmotte."
Eren looked amused but confused. "What does that mean?"
"Never mind," he said with a gentle smile. "Did you get enough sleep?"
Eren slowly stretched, cracking one of his shoulders. "We slept in."
"We were busy."
Eren froze in the middle of the stretch. He felt warmth returning, and with it memories of passion. Suddenly, his face turned pink, and he looked aside to hide his bashfulness. He recalled all he had done in the middle of the night. Even he could hardly believe how he had acted.
The coyness slowly changed, his demure smile sank, and the blush went pallid.
"I'm so sorry."
Levi's fingers caressed over Eren's bare chest. "Why be sorry?"
"You wanted to go slow with me. You kept telling me to slow down, and then I … t-to you…"
"Sucked my dick?" Levi asked, smirking at the stutter in his words.
"You didn't want it."
"Hell, I'm the one who told you how. Would I have done that if I didn't want it?"
Eren still looked grieved. "I've been pushing you this whole time."
Levi sighed, pitying that Eren was suddenly so worried. This was merely the emotional crash after the hormonal high. Countering that was easiest by showing him that high again.
Levi mounted on top of Eren with the speed of a man who was used to riding horses. Eren barely managed to hold back a cry of surprise. He looked up into those narrow, glaring eyes, and he cringed. Was Levi upset at him?
"Do you think you're intimidating?"
Eren was confused. Wasn't he angry? What was this about intimidation?
With whip-like speed, Levi grabbed Eren's wrists and pinned them above his head. He leaned over, eyes narrowed to slits, and whispered, "Do you really think you're stronger than me, brat? Do you think a child like you could push me into something I didn't want? Are you even strong enough to break free? Go ahead and try."
Eren gave no struggle. He could only stare up at him, enthralled, his heart racing.
"You're not pushing me into anything. I'm not a dog on your leash. I'm a stubborn mule. You may suggest a path, but I'm the one who decides if we go down it. Is that clear?"
Eren gulped, feeling flushed again, yet the doubts lingered. "But what if I…" Suddenly, the fingers gripping his wrists tightened to the edge of painfulness, shocking Eren's words out of his mouth.
Levi placed his face right up against Eren's and said slowly, "Do you think you're stronger than me, Eren Jäger?"
Eren flinched, but a smile danced on his lips. "I know I'm not."
"You have a long way to go before you can think you're capable of intimidating me into doing something, and if you want to physically force me, you better be prepared to lose a lot of blood, and maybe a few teeth."
"I would never—"
"I know," Levi cut in, "and that's why you need to have confidence in yourself. You would never knowingly push me into something unwanted, and I would never feel intimidated and give in out of cowardice or because I felt I owe you." He let go of Eren's wrists and threaded their fingers together, gripping onto his hands and feeling Eren hold him back firmly. "Last night was what we both wanted."
"But you said you wanted us to take things slower."
"At one time," he agreed. "I'm allowed to change my mind."
Eren's brow creased and his lips pursed as he thought about that. "Then, what do you want now?"
Levi leaned over and gave Eren a soft kiss. "I want to figure out what it is that I want."
"What does that mean?"
"It means we'll try things. Maybe I'll like it, maybe I won't. Unless it's something I am not ready for, I won't stop you anymore."
Eren bit his lip as he felt blood rushing downward, stirring things up. "Does that mean…" He shivered as he whispered, "…I can suck you again?"
A chuckle snorted up in Levi's chest. "You're already addicted to that, huh?"
Levi leaned over, and his tongue dragged over Eren's lips, licking them all around. He heard an airy gasp and felt a shiver tremble over Eren's body. Then he plunged his tongue in, working it in and out in mimicry of what his cock could do to that eager mouth.
Eren immediately began to suck on his tongue, savoring it with gusto. Their tongues sought each other out in a sudden frenzy. Eren wrapped around Levi's body, and his hands stroked down his bare back, to his buttocks, and groped the small, soft cheeks. At feeling his ass being grabbed, Levi captured Eren's lower lip between his teeth, softly biting it, and Eren let out a hissing hum of pleasure.
Levi raised up as he felt his own body tingling. Under him, Eren looked impassioned and starved. Levi smirked. It was so tempting to let this Hunter catch his prey and feed to his heart's content!
He had to catch him first, though!
Levi dived down and latched onto his neck. Eren let out a shuddering moan and pulled Levi's hips to shift his body down a little, enough so their groins were pressed together and he could feel the stirring arousal up against his own. Levi shifted up as he felt the stiffness of Eren's erection, and the blankets tumbled away, fully exposing them both.
He was still shocked at times to see a man like this … and so big.
A single finger went down, cautiously feeling around the flared edge of Eren's cock, before yanking back as he realized just what he was touching. Never in his life had he thought about touching another man's penis. It was so strange, and so erotic! He again began to reach down, only to stop before his fingers could touch.
Eren was right: Levi wished they could have slowed down, mostly for his own sake. He wanted time to get used to this, all of this. Kissing a man, holding a man, touching a man, being intimate with a man. He was not opposed to any of it, but he needed time to convince himself that all the foul things he heard growing up about homosexual men were not true, and time to compartmentalize the brutality of the only experiences he had with other men. With time, he could warm up to Eren, while also sorting out that trauma.
However, their time was limited.
Feeling Levi's nervous touch emboldened Eren. Carefully, testing it out, he reached down. He had thought earlier that he wanted to try this, so now he gave it a shot. He touched Levi's cock first, keeping his eyes on Levi to see if this was something he wanted. At the soft sigh and thrust toward his hand, Eren smiled. So far, so good.
His fingers then reached further and held his own cock, until he had a grip around them both. They were much different sizes, but that did not matter. He squeezed, making Levi feel the turgid heat of his body. An airy, near-silent moan huffed out of Levi as his eyes fluttered closed.
He liked it. Good!
Eren stroked their cocks together, and Levi's nails clawed into Eren's chest as he cursed softly in French. Levi glanced down, his cock and Eren's gripped together.
Seriously, where had this brat learned to do something like this?
"Do you have any more condoms?"
Eren pouted and shook his head. "Just the one. I've never needed them before."
Levi reached down and placed his hand over Eren's, pausing him. "Let's save that until we both have one on."
"But…"
"I don't want a mess."
Eren pouted—he was already so turned on—but he politely pulled his hand back. It was not that Levi hated it, he just wanted it when they had the supplies that would keep this as something he felt okay with.
That still meant he wanted it!
Levi rolled over onto his back beside Eren and glanced at the storm pelting the window. "I wonder if any place will be open in this storm. Maybe a pharmacy would have them?"
Eren hummed as he rolled over and began to kiss along Levi's collarbone. "Der Armeekrankenhaus." The army hospital. "They give them out for free. In the meantime," he said with a smirk, "we don't necessarily need to stop. We can figure something out. Stand up."
Levi was reluctant to get out of bed. It was cold, and he was naked. Still, he was curious, especially when Eren rose out of bed and walked over to his side. Damn, he was beautiful naked! Levi pulled back the blankets and set his bare feet on the icy wooden floor. Eren walked right up and caressed Levi's chest. His hand felt so warm, so comforting.
Then suddenly, Eren dropped to his knees. He caressed the cock, leaned in, and gave it a kiss, which made Levi twitch and hiss in pleasure.
Eren gazed up deviously and whispered, "You said that you wanted me on my knees."
Levi was dumbstruck. Seriously?
Eren gave more kisses up the shaft, then softly licked around the head. He gazed up to watch the flush on Levi's face. Then Eren took the entire cock into his mouth and sucked the full length.
Yes! This was what he wanted! To taste him, to pleasure him, to spoil his boyfriend and be everything he needed!
Levi closed his eyes, sinking into the pure physicality of it. Eren was still a little sloppy, but Levi hardly cared. Simply feeling that warm wetness, plunging into it, made his heart race in ways it had not done in such a long time.
"So good," he whispered.
Eren glanced up at the moaning whisper, and his lips smiled around Levi's cock. He was trying to figure out a good speed. He had never had sex, so he had no idea how fast to go. He also wanted to savor this, to go slow and make it last as long as possible. He wanted to keep Levi right on the edge of that pleasure and make him beg for release! He imagined how it might sound, that sensually deep voice desperately begging to go faster.
Above, Eren heard heavily panting, and Levi's hand fell down onto his head. He glanced up to make sure everything was all right, and he saw Levi lost in pleasure. Was he doing this correctly after all? He did not want to stop and ask, not when Levi was beginning to leak over his tongue.
Levi felt his body tensing. He was so close! Just as he was about to succumb to the pleasure, a dark, sinister memory floated up. Each thrust of Eren's mouth brought up flashes, painful thrusts of a penis inside of him, memories of screaming to stop, the sickly feel of thick fluid releasing, filling him, and running down his thighs. Just then, he felt saliva dripping down his shaft, to his balls, and toward his thighs, while a soft moan from Eren blended with the nightmare of that man moaning behind him.
"No," gasped Levi. Why? Why was he remembering that again? "Wait … Wait! No!" He yanked away and stumbled backward.
I can't breathe!
Eren looked up in dread and saw Levi staring blankly ahead with massive eyes, his hands moving as if trying to fight an invisible enemy, his mouth open and his whole chest convulsing like he wanted to scream but instinctively knew he could not, leading to him unable to even exhale.
"Oh, mein Gott, nicht schon wieder." Oh my God, not again. Eren scurried up and tried to reach out to him. "Levi! I'm here. It's me!"
Darkness! Darkness and pain!
"Arrête, espèce de salaud! Non!"
Was he saying that aloud, or only remembering that? Levi was lost in the nightmare. He felt a hand touch him, and his fist shot out. Even blind, he could fight. He heard the enemy collapse to the ground.
I'll kill him! I'll kill that sonuvabitch!
Eren had tried to reach out to Levi, hoping to calm him down before he shouted. He was whispering things in French, shaking words escaping his clenched throat like a poison gas seeping into a trench. As soon as he touched Levi, a fist shot forward like a pistol, slammed straight into Eren's gut, and sent him stumbling backward until he crumbled to the floor. Eren coughed as he tried to sit up, stunned from the pain for a few seconds. He looked up in shock at the attack, but Levi was obviously not even in the present moment anymore.
"Va te faire foutre. Sale connard, encule de nazi de merde! Je vais te tuer. Je te tranche la gorge." Go fuck yourself. You asshole, motherfucking Nazi piece of shit! I'll kill you. I'll slit your throat.
Levi's voice was starting to rise, and Eren worried that his next words would be loud enough for others to hear. Looking around frantically, the closest thing he could grab was one of Levi's shoes. He picked it up and threw it at his legs, hoping to shock him out of this.
As loudly as he dared, he called out, "Levi!"
At the strike and the shout, it was like something snapped, a dream bubble burst, and Levi could suddenly see the hotel room again. Confused, he looked around, wondering who kicked him and how he got from the dungeon to here. Then he saw Eren on the ground, clutching his stomach in pain.
Why was he injured?
Why did his knuckles hurt?
Levi looked down at his hand, still in a fist, then over to Eren in horror.
"Merde, non," he whispered in dread.
Levi suddenly felt a surge in his stomach. He slapped a hand to his mouth, raced to the bathroom, and barely made it to the toilet before he vomited.
Eren held his aching stomach as he rushed over, but there was not much he could do besides keep his hand on Levi's shoulder and quietly comfort him as his stomach heaved again and again.
Sweating, shaking, feeling disoriented and only half there, Levi sank to the ground. His stomach still twitched, and his whole face had gone pale. Eren grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Levi's bare shoulders. Those stormy blue eyes stared out in dazed horror as he swallowed again and again, desperate to keep his stomach down.
"I … I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hit you."
"I know," Eren whispered, grieved by the torment in his face.
Not sure what he could possibly say, Eren eased Levi up and supported him as they walked back to the main room and took a seat on the bed. Eren sat next to him, naked but not caring. His arms stayed around Levi, sad that he suffered so much and wishing he knew what to do.
"I … need tea."
Eren nodded and went to the telephone to call for breakfast. He opted for Müsli again, since it was easy on the stomach, but also ordered a bread basket, in case Levi needed more to eat than just that. Then he sat next to Levi again, hugging him protectively.
"Sorry," Levi whispered, sounding drained and empty. "It's just … I remembered. That bastard! He couldn't die enough times! I want to be here, with you, and enjoy this, but I can't even…" He waved to Eren's naked body. "…do this without thinking about him. It's fucked up!"
Eren squeezed around his thin body. "It's normal that you would remember a little. It was a disgusting thing that no one should ever have to go through. Of course it will take more than a month to recover from that. It may take you years." He rubbed Levi's arm and whispered, "I'm willing to wait."
"You shouldn't have to wait. You're young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Why wait for some aging, stubborn asshole like me?"
"Because you're worth it," Eren answered immediately.
The reply stunned Levi for a few seconds. He looked up at Eren, shocked, like he never once considered himself worthy. Then he scowled and looked away. "How much longer do you think we have together? Do you think we'll be sitting around in Metz for a year, all so I can get over the nightmares? What if I never do? He ruined me."
"You're not ruined. You're tough, resourceful, a fighter."
Levi mumbled, "I'm weak."
"Weak?" Eren cried out. "Levi, you survived that attack, and you're here with me now. We've come this far together all because you are strong."
"It's not strength," Levi muttered. "It's because you're there for me. You're constantly picking me up. My only other experiences with a man were a goddamn nightmare. I don't want to remember it. Never again!" His teeth clenched as rage and fear shivered his chest. "He broke me."
Eren squeezed around his thin body. "A broken rock can be used as a knife."
Levi glanced up with a raise eyebrow, only to sink back into his arms, grumbling, "A fucking Nazi shouldn't be that clever."
Eren smiled at the cantankerous attitude, a sign that Levi was pulling away from the ledge of darkness. He cradled Levi's head and stroked his hair. "I can't imagine how horrible that was, but I'm here for you. We can fight through that memory together."
The idea of fighting alongside Eren made Levi's heart warm back up. He leaned into Eren's embrace, and softly he mumbled, "Thank you. Sorry."
"There's nothing to be sorry about."
"I punched you."
Eren merely squeezed him closer. "Quite hard, too. You have a hell of a fist! I forgive you. Besides," he chuckled, "I threw a shoe at you, so we're even." He sighed as he hugged Levi. It was so easy to forget what horrors he experienced, since he was so brave and acted aloof most of the time. Still, the past did not easily fade away. "I just want you to know, you don't have to put up with me touching you. Don't ever think that! You can tell me no, don't, stop, any of those words, but you need to tell me."
"I know," Levi whispered. "It wasn't that I didn't want it. I really … really liked it," he confessed in an awkward grumble. "Then suddenly, it was like I got stabbed in the gut and kicked in the balls and shot in the chest, all at the same time." Levi collapsed forward, sinking his head between his knees. "Merde! I hate that I'm like this."
Just then, there was a knock on the door and a young voice calling out in German.
"The food," Eren whispered.
Levi sank to the floor, not even bothering to roll under the bed. If he got caught, he got caught. He felt too broken inside to care anymore.
Eren pulled on his boxers and a dressing gown and answered the door. He received a tray with Müsli and a pot of hot water. He brought it inside, locked the door again, and got to work making tea for Levi, following all of his instructions. He stirred in some sugar and brought the teacup over to where Levi was still sitting on the ground next to the bed.
"Here," he offered, handing the cup over.
Levi took a sip. "You're getting better at brewing tea," he whispered.
"A compliment, from you?" Eren asked with a teasing smile.
Levi took another sip. The hot drink soothed his mind and settled his stomach. It reminded him of rainy days in London and watching the ships traveling up and down the Thames.
Eren helped Levi up and wrapped his own dressing gown around him. Then he guided Levi over to the table. Once he was seated with more tea, Eren set about getting washed up.
Levi pulled Eren's robe around him and smelled it while Eren was in the bathroom. It was huge on him, the red satin cuffs drooped far past his wrists, and if he were to stand up, it would probably trail behind him like the robes of a medieval king. Still, he liked the musky scent and the whiffs of Eren's cologne that lingered on the dressing gown. He sighed and ate the bowl of oats, nibbled a roll, and sipped his tea.
Eren came out of the bathroom in trousers and an undershirt. He brought Levi's clothes back over, but all he put on for now was the underwear, too mentally drained to bother with the rest. Besides, he privately liked wearing the dressing gown. The satin felt so elegant on his skin.
Eren sat and ate with him. The bowl of oats was enough to at least fill their stomachs. After finishing the tea, Eren pushed the trolley out into the hallway and tugged Levi back over to the bed. Eren wrapped him up in the blanket and cocooned him in his arms. He clung to Levi, and his fingers played through the black hair.
More lightning flashed through the window, and the thunder cracked loudly. Levi stared out blankly as the rain pelted the window.
The storm refused to let up.
His eyes closed. After such a jarring shock to his system, Levi slipped off to sleep.
Eren felt Levi go limp. Poor man! He wished there was something he could do, yet this was all he was able to do to help.
Hold him. Be there for him. Help him to heal.
He stayed quiet as Levi took a nap. Eren's own eyes began to grow heavy. The sound of the rain was hypnotic. Slowly, his eyelids lowered. He had no idea when he drifted off.
# # #
Three timid knocks at the door jolted them both out of sleep.
A soft voice speaking German with a strong French accent called out with apprehension, "Entschuldige, dass ich dich wecke. Hotelwartung. Bitte lassen Sie mich rein." Sorry to wake you. Hotel maintenance. Please let me in.
"What is it?" Levi hissed in paranoia.
"Hotel maintenance."
"Like hell it is!"
Eren shouted at the door, "Einen Augenblick, bitte." Just a moment, please. Then he looked at Levi. "Into the attic. Get dressed up there."
Levi threw off the dressing gown while Eren climbed up onto the chair and opened the hatch slowly so it would not squeak. He lifted Levi straight up. Levi crawled into the dark attic while Eren gathered his clothes and bag. He tossed the trousers, shirt, shoes, as well as the pile of folded nightclothes up to him, then passed up the bag and the Tanakh that Levi had left out. Slowly, Levi shut the hatch.
Eren took a moment to calm down and make sure he could not hear Levi walking around above. Finally, he opened the door. On the other side was a tall, middle-aged man with a short crop of honey-brown hair, light brown eyes, and a thin mustache that looked like he was trying to copy Hitler.
Eren politely greeted, "Guten Morgen. Sorry for making you wait."
"No, Herr Oberleutnant, I'm the one who is sorry for bothering you on a Sunday. I'm Ralph DuBose, maintenance man. Djel Sannes sent me."
Eren's eyes narrowed. "Who is that?"
"Oh, sorry. He's the owner of this hotel. If it's okay with you, I need to enter your room to reach the attic."
Eren could not stop a moment of horror from flickering on his face before reining himself in. "The attic? What's wrong? Rats?"
"No, no, nothing like that," Ralph assured right away. "It's this storm. I need to check for leaks. There are no reports yet, but the wind was so bad last night, I just need to make sure. I wouldn't want our German guests to get their supplies wet," he said with an ingratiating smile.
"You're a good host," Eren praised.
That made Ralph look relieved. "Normally, there's a hatch in a storage closet that I use to get up there, but it's stuck for some reason, like something heavy is on top of it. I already tried another room, and it was also stuck. I'm hoping yours can still open; otherwise, I have to climb up onto the roof to get in."
Eren put on a smile. "Of course. I have no idea if it opens, but you're free to try."
"Thank you, and sorry for the intrusion. I won't be long. I have a ladder here." Ralph shuffled in with his ladder and saw the messy bed. "Really sorry again for bothering you up."
"Don't worry about it. I slept in late. Storms like this remind me of home. I lived by the sea, and we got many big storms."
"By the sea, you say? Comme c'est romantique! I have only been to the sea twice." He began to set up his ladder under the hatch.
"Here, let me get it," Eren offered. "If it's stuck, I'm sure I can force it open."
"Oh, you don't have to…"
"I insist on helping after your hotel has been so generous to the Wehrmacht." To show he would not be denied, Eren gave Ralph a firm but not hurtful push and climbed up onto the ladder. "Germans are strong, so if it's stuck…" He pretended to give a push. "Oh! A bit sticky after all. My father taught me a trick. You hit the sides, and the middle will pop right up." He punched the ceiling hard all around the hatch. Surely, this would be a firm warning to Levi to hide. He just hoped he had enough time to dress and find a place. He took his time working around the hatch, banging on it. "My father had to deal with a sticky attic door. Our house was like that, old and beautiful, but a bit stubborn and creaky." Then he pushed on the hatch. "There! See, it works every time."
"I'll remember that trick," said Ralph.
"Can I go up? I've not been up here." Not waiting for permission, Eren continued to climb up the ladder and into the attic. He looked over toward the wall of boxes where Levi normally hid. To his relief, Levi was nowhere in sight. "It's dark. Do you have a light? I have a torch if you need."
"No, I have my own." Ralph climbed up, flipped on his light, and shined the beam around. "Huh! Not as dusty as I had feared. That's good news."
He walked over to the far end of the attic. "Well, I found why I couldn't get up here." He gave a massive crate a shove, sliding it off a door built into the floorboards. "I have no idea how that got pushed on top, but at least now I can get up here when I need to."
Eren drifted slowly over to the wall of boxes. Behind it, he saw Levi crouched down in the shadows with a knife in his hand. He was only half-dressed, wearing underwear and his shirt pulled on but unbuttoned, his trousers beside him. Their eyes met, and Eren's face went cold with determination. He would protect Levi at all costs!
"Hmm…"
Eren jolted and looked back over to the maintenance man. "Did you find a problem?"
"A leak." Ralph stopped at a damp spot on the floor, stepped on it to see how saturated it was, and then shined his torch up at the ceiling, scanning around. "Looks like I'll need to hire roofers after all. I can put a barrel under this for now to catch the leak. No roofers will come out in this storm."
"I'll check this side for you," Eren offered.
"That's very kind of you. I'll be right back with that barrel."
Ralph went back down the ladder, and Eren heard the door down in his room open and close again. He immediately turned back to Levi.
"Hide!"
"Where?" he demanded softly.
Eren knew of one spot. He had hidden Levi's supplies in a crate before their reconnaissance mission outing. He rushed over to it, opened the lid, and saw how much room was inside. It would be a tight fit, but luckily Levi was small. "Here!"
Levi grabbed up his clothes and kept his knife at the ready as he sneaked out of the wall of boxes, glancing over at the open hatch and the yellow light pouring into the gray attic with its noisy rain tapping. Still without trousers, he climbed into the crate and struggled to curl down. Eren grabbed Levi's bag, but there was no way it would fit in the crate with him.
"I'll put this somewhere…"
Just then, he heard the door down below open. He slammed the crate down onto Levi, who softly cried out in pain. Eren frantically looked around with the bag in his hands, opened a cedar chest, saw a little bit of room left between old table clothes and sheets, and crammed the bag in there. The lid did not want to close, so he grabbed a box and set it on top to force the lid down.
He straightened up just as he saw Ralph's head coming up the ladder. Too late, he saw Levi's shoes were still out. He kicked them under the small round table by the window covered in a dust cloth. Then he forced himself to look busy searching the ceiling.
"I don't see any other leaks," he called out.
"That's a relief. Do you mind giving me a hand?" He had a large barrel that he was trying to pull up.
"Ah." Eren rushed over. "Get down and push it up. I'll pull."
Ralph went back down, hoisted the barrel up, and Eren grabbed it. Between them, they raised the large wooden barrel up into the attic.
"I'm so glad that fit," Ralph sighed as he climbed up. He maneuvered the barrel to where some drips had made the floor damp. He then waited and watched until he saw that the tiny leak in the roof went into the barrel. "There! That should last until the storm is over. Thank you again for your assistance."
"I'm glad to be of help," said Eren. "So, you can now get up through your other door, right?"
Ralph walked over to the other hatch and pulled. Sure enough, it rose open, and Eren saw a storage room below. "Yes, so I won't have to bother you anymore."
"That's good," Eren muttered, although he also realized that this made the attic a less desirable place to hide. The hotel staff could come up here at any time. Levi had to be extra careful.
Ralph thanked him many times as he went back down and took the ladder away. Eren kept a kind smile up, laughing and assuring him it was no problem. Finally, the man was out the door. Eren closed it, locked it, and sighed as his whole face sank from its jovial mask.
He rushed back up into the attic, knocked on the crate where he had shoved Levi, and opened it. The Jew had a peevish glare in his eyes.
"That's it! As soon as this damn storm is over, I'm heading back to the French Resistance."
"That might be for the best," Eren said as he fetched the bag out of the cedar chest and retrieved the shoes he had hastily hidden. "The maintenance man just uncovered the door that opens to the storage closet, so he can come up here at any time."
Levi sneered. "Putain de merde!"
Eren pouted as he watched Levi get dressed, grumbling in snappish curses and complaints. Just as things seemed too good to be true, reality was crashing back in on them.
Eren thought through the issue. The attic was less secure. His own room was only safe if he was in there. As much as he wished Levi could simply stay by his side, they were right back where they started: how to keep him safe until they escaped the city?
"The storm," he muttered, glancing up at the heavy rain that sounded like horses stomping on the attic room. "Could we sneak you out during the storm?"
The same thought had whispered in Levi's mind many times since he woke up. "We could," he muttered.
Why did this opportunity feel like punishment? Just as he and Eren were at this point in exploring passion, this storm might be the perfect chance to escape…
To leave Eren…
To walk away and possibly never see him again…
It ached Levi's heart. Glancing at Eren, he saw the same grief playing openly on his face. Levi reached forward, but Eren was faster.
Eren could not hold back! He grabbed Levi, swooping him into his arms and smothering him, like he needed to merge with him, like this was the other half of his soul that had been torn apart by Zeus, and he longed to be one soul again.
"Not today," he begged softly. "Please, not today!"
Levi held on as well. They had known for weeks, he would one day leave, but he wished he could put it off just one more day.
"Tomorrow," Levi whispered. "I should check on Yelena, see if she has made progress. If she has the papers, we can drive right out the gate; if not and if it is still raining tomorrow, we'll do it then. The train yards are still the best route, from what I've seen. I'll need something dark to wear, good shoes, a better backpack. I can sneak through during the night."
"Tomorrow night then," Eren whispered.
His arms clutched tighter. Levi petted Eren's hair as he was crushed up against his torso. Poor thing! For Eren, goodbyes had always been permanent. His father left and never returned. His mother was stolen from him, killed in front of his eyes. His guardian Hannes went off to war and died in Russia.
Now he was forced to let go again.
Levi soothingly stroked his back. "Let's enjoy today."
Eren nodded and sniffled back his emotions. Slowly, like it hurt to let go, his arms loosened. His eyelids were pink with the tears he was trying to hold back.
Levi grabbed up his bag, and they both went back down into the room. Eren closed the hatch behind him and stepped off the chair. He could hear the second hand on his watch ticking. Every second mattered now. Every kiss. Every touch.
"Let's do something!"
Levi was heading to the bathroom—he had yet to pee—but he paused to look back. "Like what?"
"I thought, maybe you could dress up and we'll have a romantic dinner together."
"Not a chance in hell!" Levi grumbled.
Eren pouted. "Why not? It's our last full day together. We can go out to dinner, or go drinking or dancing…"
"I'm not dancing in those damned heels."
Eren clenched his jaw. "Look! Normally, I can't take someone out. Two men having a nice dinner, all alone, and strolling arm in arm? I'd be arrested! But if they think we're a man and woman…"
Levi shot him another scathing glare.
Eren took both of his hands. "If I could be the one to dress like a woman, I would. That's how much I simply want to have a fun night with you. At least one night." He gave Levi's fingers a squeeze and muttered sadly, "It's my last chance, and it's the only way I can hold your hand in public."
Levi gazed at the expression on his youthful face. He had never thought about just how privileged he was to simply walk hand-in-hand with Petra. Sure, their marriage was frowned upon, but at least they could go out to eat and no one batted an eye.
"Please," Eren softly pleaded. "I'll have Floch drive us. I'll buy you the clothes you need, plus any supplies for your journey, anything at all. In return … at least dinner?" he asked hopefully.
Levi pitied him. This was Eren's one chance at romance. "You make this so difficult," he muttered. "Fine! We'll go out to dinner. If you happen to have fun, that's your problem. But I am not dancing!"
Eren beamed a smile as he saw, hinted on Levi's scowling face, he actually liked the idea of going out together, having some fun after years of misery.
"First, I want lunch."
"I'll order it now."
"No, I expect you to take me out."
Eren looked like that was the best news he had heard all year.
"And tonight…" Levi had a mischievous smile. "You better buy some condoms, because I'm giving you a night you won't forget."
Eren's cheeks went crimson, and Levi snorted a laugh as he turned and went into the bathroom.
# # #
While Levi dressed, Eren called up Floch. He also glanced through Levi's supplies, trying to mentally list what sorts of things he could use. Eren had learned a little about camping and living off the wild land from lessons in Hitler Youth, but lessons for a bunch of boys setting up tents in the woods was far different from a Jew fleeing Nazis on foot.
Would it be weird for an officer to buy a gun? What about a better knife? Or maybe a few knives, since Levi was good with them. A pot might be too large and heavy to carry along the road, but matches or a lighter to start fires, and maybe a small camping stove. Or was that too heavy as well? He wished he could simply give Levi all of his own supplies, but he understood why a Jew on the run might not want to be in possession of gear stamped with swastikas.
Meanwhile in the bathroom, Levi pulled on the dress, silently hoping this would be the last time. It really was a shame that they bought these clothes just for him to leave them behind with Eren, but he had to travel light. Perhaps Louise could take these and put them to some good use.
Since they were going to a nice restaurant, Levi put a little more effort into it. He brushed out the wig, trying to make it look stylish. He focused on the makeup, contouring his face to be more feminine and focusing on the eyes. If people looked at his eyes more than the lower part of his face, all the better. His blue eyes were an advantage in a world full of bigotry against anyone with Jewish features.
Finally satisfied, he stepped out. Eren wore his uniform with all medals gleaming. As repulsive as that Nazi uniform was to Levi, he had to admit, Eren looked dashing.
Eren smile as he eyed Levi up and down. "You look … well, good for a woman." Eren pouted at the dress with distaste.
"You give shitty compliments."
Eren laughed. It was hard to compliment when the idea of courting a woman had always repulsed him. Still, he knew what was under that skirt. He had tasted what was now hidden away.
Eren bashfully bit his lip. "I have a gift for you."
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny box. Levi raised an eyebrow as he accepted it. When he opened the hinged top, he saw a filigree silver ring with a large pearl in the middle.
"It's similar to the ring I gave to Louise. I doubt anyone looked at her ring long enough to tell the difference, and to be honest, even I can't remember precisely how it looked. Madame Carly gave me one of her rings. It was silver with a pearl, that's all I know. So when I saw this one … it was perfect."
Levi pulled the ring out of the box and looked at the gleaming pearl in the light. He stared up at Eren in shock.
Was this merely to complete his costume, or did it mean more?
Eren plucked the ring away and took Levi's hand. "May I?"
Levi could not even answer, stunned into silence. He watched as Eren lifted his hand and slid the ring onto his finger.
Eren gazed down at Levi and whispered, "I will protect you, no matter what happens."
Levi gulped down a lump in his throat and hoarsely asked, "And who will protect you?"
Eren flashed a bright grin. "You will, of course."
Levi felt a pain in his heart. Petra's words from yesterday's dream echoed through his mind. He'll protect you now, but you must protect him.
"Are you ready?"
Levi nodded, finding himself excited to have one final day out with Eren.
# # #
# #
#
"petite marmotte" – literally means little marmot, but also an endearing term for sleepyhead, since they hibernate for a long time. Americans know the marmot as a groundhog or woodchuck.
"the emotional crash after the hormonal high" – a 1940s way of saying "post-nut clarity."
Levi's "try things" approach to intimacy with Eren is based off something my dad said as part of his Sex Talk with me. Whereas my mother's talk went, "Always use a condom because cleaning up down there is messy and disgusting" (like, seriously, how did this woman have five kids) my dad's advice was simple: "Try everything. If you don't like it, don't do it, but if you DO like it … HELL YEAH!"
Dressing gown – Based on oriental styles like the kimono, these robes were popular from the 1700s to the 1950s. Men would take off their stiff suits, women would explode out of their corsets, and they would both slip into a comfortable dressing gown, often made of silk, satin, or velvet for cold weather. At the time, men who wore colorful outfits in public were considered dandies, code for homosexual. A dressing gown allowed a man to have a bit of self-expression and a pop of color while he was at home. Women wore a dressing gown to eat breakfast, do the sewing, tea with the family, or simply lounging around on a rainy day when she knew company was not coming over. This allowed her to care for the family in comfort but still be stylish. While elaborate in Victorian times, by the 1920s they tamed down to mere wrap-around robes. In Gone With the Wind, Scarlett O'Hara multiple dressing gowns, including a red velvet robe in the infamous non-con staircase scene. (Yep, amidst all the racism, Gone With the Wind contains an off-screen rape.) In the 1950s, American television censorship deemed it scandalous to show a woman in her dressing gown, so TV watchers saw women doing chores wearing a tea dress, petticoat, heels, makeup, and hair perfectly coifed. As this distorted image of a domestic woman became something men demanded of their wives, dressing gowns fell out of favor, and lounging around in a robe was seen as lazy rather than refined. While bathrobes are still a thing (made of absorbent fabric to double as a towel) they just don't match the elegance of a velvet dressing gown. I own a lovely black silk kimono-style dressing gown, and another in white satin with beaded floral embroidery along the collar, both wedding gifts from my mother who believe in was inappropriate for a woman to walk around the house in her pajamas. I also have a plush fleece dressing gown I recently got from a friend's grandmother. It is seriously so warm! In the age of Covid when many of us are staying at home more than usual, we need to bring these back!
Ralph and Djel – In the anime, these two are military police and torturers. In my story, mainly I just really wanted a character who had a mustache so I could point out how some pro-fascist people in Nazi-occupied territories tried to kiss up to the invaders by mimicking the fashion, including the Hitler mustache. Whereas Djel has a surname (Sannes) Ralph did not. His last name is taken from the American voice actor for Djel Sannes, Bruce DuBose. (It sounds French, and I liked it.)
Pearl Wedding Ring – This was partly inspired by my mother. She's allergic to gold, and she hates diamonds. She wanted a silver ring with a black pearl, although I'm pretty sure it's onyx. She wore that ring for over 30 years before arthritis made it hurt, so she gave it to me because I love antique things. I can only wear it on the middle finger of my right hand, and even then it's loose. Mom has huge hands. (Thank God she hated spanking!)
Also... SQUEEEEEEEEE HE GAVE LEVI A RING!
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