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Learning to Land	By : Suteishichic Category: Prince of Tennis/Tennis no Ohjisama > General Views: 11419 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis (Tennis no Ohjisama), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Learning to Land. Chapter Fifty Five ~Mukahi~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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Gakuto knows he is having a bad dream.

It is so terrible, and yet he cannot wake himself out of it.

He is stuck. Trapped. Completely unable to move. Every part of him aches, and while he believes he is asleep, he feels rising panic.

He has had this terrible dream before. Many times.

As always, it feels so real that he wonders each and every time if maybe this time the nightmare actually is real. Maybe he isn't asleep...

The dream each time begins the same...

He is at a big party with everyone from school all around him. Gakuto at first believes he knows everyone at the who is there, but as he looks around he sees there are a lot of people he doesn't know at all in the room. Which is strange.

And then for some reason he sees that bastard Kikumaru there.

True, Gakuto hasn't seen the idiot in years, but he would know that annoying bastard's grating voice and stupid braying laugh anywhere. He glowers at Kikumaru who also recognizes Gakuto instantly despite the long time that has passed since they last saw or spoke to each other. The idiot smiles vapidly back at Gakuto with his wide stupid grin, just as Kikumaru always has with his big stupid face looking open and thrilled at everything around him. The idiot looks all excited and happy to see him, as if Gakuto is a long lost friend.

Gakuto in the dream thinks to himself that Kikumaru really is such an idiot because he doesn't even know he is in danger...

His sleeping self always wonders at that point what kind of danger? It's damn annoying because somehow Gakuto always knows what the danger is in the dream, but never does at all in real life. He has spent hours while awake trying to remember what the danger is, in the futile hopes of stopping the dream, but it never works. Anyway, as soon as Gakuto tries to figure out what the danger is, suddenly everything changes...

Gakuto is in a hallway, no...he realizes for the first time, it's not a hallway. It's a stairwell.

And he realizes he is there with Yuushi.

In the stairwell, he is hotly kissing Yuushi, pressed up against a wall. They are really going at it. They are kissing and groping each other all over. Very soon they are going to have sex, despite the public place, or maybe because of it, and Gakuto knows he is going to be the seme. They are both really happy and really horny. Almost in a relieved kind of way. They feel free, as if they escaped to come have sex. They are joking and laughing about some things while kissing, touching, and teasing each other. Their teasing turns more and more intense.

Yuushi says he loves him, and he asks Gakuto to give it to him, to hurry up and start. The tensai says in a moaning hot way that he can't wait anymore, and that he's been wanting Gakuto real bad all day.

It's the first time Gakuto realizes the other person in this part of the dream is Yuushi. Before it had always been a vague, fuzzy person instead of someone. Gakuto wonders if it's because of him and Yuushi fooling around lately or if it's really supposed to be Yuushi.

He has a sudden sense that no, it's always been the tensai, but Gakuto just never knew it up until now.

It is both thrilling to get pieces of the puzzle, and scary to feel how real it feels again. Even more so now because he knows more people in the dream.

And he suddenly realizes that in the dream, it's as if they have done this before. As if they, he and Yuushi, have had sex before. Lots of times too by how they are all over each other and moving well together. Gakuto though still asleep is surprised about it all.

He wonders if it's gonna happen like in this dream. Him and Yuushi getting it on for real, and while the hot sex seems good, he knows that in the end the dream is always really bad. Is this nightmare really gonna happen in real life?

And as he asks that to himself, then somehow...

They are outside.

They are in the same clothes.

He sees this now more clearly than ever. Gakuto distantly knows because it's the same clothes they have on, that it is still the same day when he saw the idiot Kikumaru. Gakuto thinks that, about idiot Kikumaru being in danger, and suddenly Gakuto knows he and Yuushi now are in danger too. Worse danger than stupid Kikumaru was in earlier. Gakuto again tries to figure out what kind of danger, but then

They are not only outside but it's nighttime. Gakuto is up high, on the roof of a tall building.

He is hurt.

This part of the dream is distressingly familiar. He has had this terrible dream so many times before, but this time, things are different. It's as shocking as watching a movie a hundred times and discovering that you always missed a scene or the dialogue is suddenly different than you thought.

It's like knowing the words to a song by heart but finding out all the words you've been singing aren't the right words at all.

Gakuto is stunned as he realizes that for some reason, everything is the same and different. He doesn't know why but it's all now changed, the words and the scene and the dialogue are all going differently. He wonders if it is because now Yuushi is in dream, and if maybe it's his presence that changes everything.

But was Yuushi always in the dream? It was always him. He was always in it. Wasn't he? Gakuto doesn't know.

He has had these nightmares since he was little and was attacked. They've haunted Gakuto and followed him around even while awake. It's the one thing no shrink could seem to cure him of. Very horrible dreams that always ended in him dying. He always was falling off the roof, getting pushed off, or sometimes even jumping off before.

That ending is always the worst.

Because it's that the choice to stay and live is so terrible that Gakuto would rather jump even knowing it will kill him. Before he could never remember or make out many of the details well, but knew whatever happened was so bad that time after time he woke up screaming.

Only this time, because of Yuushi being there and making everything different, suddenly everything is very clear.

Gakuto can see clearly. For once, even asleep Gakuto knows that he is familiar with many people who are in the dream. Yuushi and the people from the party from school all used to be shadowy figures instead of real people. Now knowing they are all real makes this even more frightening. Gakuto's fear increases as he waits for what always happens next...

Sato is on the rooftop, fighting with Yuushi, and Sato has a baseball bat.

Somehow, it's always the same baseball bat that they used when they raped and beat Gakuto almost to death years ago. Gakuto knows it is the same one, but he has no idea how he knows. Just seeing it again always has him scared, but then he puts together what he is watching.

Sato has always been in the dream. It's always been Sato he realizes, and Gakuto's heart squeezes in terror.

Yuushi in the dream is fighting Sato for his life. Sato is swinging the bat wildly as they fight.

Always when he reaches this part of the dream, Gakuto sees all of this happening as if he is lying in the bottom of a deep well or down a tunnel. It's very confusing, but Gakuto still feels scared to death. For the first time though, he is not just afraid for himself or for his own life.

Because he can see Sato.

And Yuushi.

And he knows what always happens...

Sato the bastard is completely crazed, almost drunk with how insane he is. Yuushi fights as if his life depends upon it and Gakuto knows that it probably does. The tensai hurls his fists into Sato. He hits him over and over again, but they don't even seem to phase the psycho. Sato doesn't even seem to feel Yuushi punching him at all. The tensai continues to pound his fists into Sato, and he seems to be winning. Blood is streaming from Sato's nose, his lip, and a cut over his eye, but Gakuto knows Yuushi cannot win.

The guy with the bat always wins. The other guy who who fights the guy with the bat always loses in his dream. Gakuto just never knew or realized who they were before now.

Still, Yuushi looks strong and confident, and Gakuto in that moment knows the tensai is fighting to save Gakuto's life too. He feels both better and worse knowing this.

Because Gakuto already can see, nothing Yuushi does is ever gonna slow Sato down. He is too crazed, too far gone to feel anything. He feels no wounds, no remorse, and no pain.

Unlike Yuushi who is fighting to save both of them, Sato for has nothing to lose. Sato laughs instead of feeling pain every time Yuushi lands another blow. Gakuto knows Yuushi is in serious danger. Yuushi is fighting properly, politely, and trying to win the fight, but Sato is a crazed and wild animal. He is not looking to win, but to kill.

Gakuto knows, Sato will fight dirty, and Yuushi won't expect it. Just like in tennis the only way to defeat Yuushi is to do a move completely unplanned and based on instinct or impulse rather than logic.

Right then Gakuto always notices he is lying on the ground in the dream. He is hurt badly and unable to move. Everything hurts. All he can do is watch helplessly, even though he knows what is going to happen next. He can't stop it from happening. Usually at this point Gakuto just tries to make himself small and crawl away. He feels if he can crawl into a corner when the guy with the bat kills the other guy, maybe Gakuto has a chance to get away.

This time is different though. This time it's Yuushi that is going to be killed and Gakuto has to do something...

Gakuto tries to warn Yuushi, but he can't yell, struggle, help, breathe, or even scream. He watches helplessly as Sato swings the bat around wildly, again and again in between Yuushi punching him. The bat inevitably strikes Yuushi in the head.

Just like it always does...

"No...!" Gakuto says and feels his heart breaking. He doesn't know if he says it awake or in the dream or what is real and what is a dream anymore.

The bat as it connects with Yuushi's skull, makes a dull, sickening, squishy, crack noise. Yuushi falls hard to his knees, looking dazed and senseless.

Gakuto shudders in horror because he knows that sound.

It is the noise he heard his own head make when the same bat hit him exactly like that years ago. It broke Gakuto's skull hard enough that it nearly killed him.

Gakuto now is terrified.

In that instant, both awake and asleep, Gakuto knows what is going to happen next, what has always happened in this terrible nightmare, but now there is a difference. Because now, it's not just Gakuto alone who is going to die, now...

Sato is going to kill Yuushi...!

"No...!"

Sato is going to kill Yuushi...!

"No!"

This time in the dream, the moment Gakuto knows that is going to happen, somehow, he finally is able to move. This time Gakuto does not crawl away or try to make himself small and hide...

Sato laughs in triumph as he holds the bat up high over his head to strike Yuushi again. It will deliver a killing blow, just for spite, because the tensai is already down.

But Gakuto is already up and is moving fast. He knows what he has to do. He throws himself on top of Yuushi to take the blow himself.

Gakuto's weight and the force of impact throws the dazed tensai over, onto his back, and Gakuto lays on top of him, shielding him. Their eyes meet and they look at each other. Gakuto has no idea if Yuushi can hear him or if he knows what is going on because even though they are looking at each other, Yuushi eyes are so glazed-over and vacant.

Distantly, Gakuto is aware that blood is streaming from the wound on Yuushi's head and is all over the both of them. The tensai is badly hurt. No one is going to come to save them.

Gakuto can see on the ground from the lights behind them a shadow image of Sato. He can see Sato holding the bat over his head, and bringing it swiftly down. Gakuto knows Sato is not going to stop until both Yuushi and he are dead. He has always known this.

Gakuto hears the sound of the bat as it whistles through the air and knows it is going to kill him. This time it will kill him.

An instant before it comes down...

A lifetime comes down to this...

A last moment...

Gakuto says desperately to Yuushi, knowing it will be the last thing he will ever do or say, and that he means it with his whole heart...

"I love you...!"

Gakuto screamed himself awake.

He woke screaming and crying with Yuushi holding him close.

Holding him close, and yet trying to gently pry Gakuto off of his head. Somehow Gakuto had wrapped his limbs around Yuushi in real life to protect him from the very real-seeming dangers in his nightmare. It seemed so real, so close, and so horrible. Gakuto as he cried kept saying over and over, "No. No. No."

Yuushi tried to gently pull him off his face and neck. Gakuto knew he was a mess from crying so hard but he kissed Yuushi anyway, needing to. Yuushi kissed him back in between saying over and over, "It's just a dream, Gakuto. You're all right. It can't hurt you. I'm right here. I'll protect you. You're safe. I won't let anything hurt you. I love you. Gakuto, it's okay. Shh. It's okay. It's only a dream."

Gakuto kissed Yuushi again and again and only stopped when he suddenly tasted blood. Alarmed, he looked at the tensai. And then down. There was blood on both of them. He thought of his dream and them being covered in Yuushi's blood. He gasped in alarm.

Yuushi pinched his nose and held his head back, "It's okay. I believe you just...hit my nose in your sleep..."

Gakuto was still sort of crying but started to pull himself together. Yuushi was bleeding after all. A lot. "I...I'm sorry...hold on..." Gakuto said and sprang off the tensai. He ran to get towels from the bathroom. One he threw at Yuushi as he ran past, the other he went to the refrigerator to fill with ice. Damn it! They didn't have any. "We don't have any ice...uh...I'll go get some...!" He went to move the chair and unlock the door.

"Gakuto!" Yuushi yelled to get his attention, but he still held his nose so it sounded funny. Despite the situation, Yuushi looked like he was gonna laugh, "You're naked." Yuushi reminded him. "And everyone is at class, so there's no one to get ice from. We do have cold packs in the freezer."

Damn. Gakuto didn't know that. They did? Stupid Yuushi should have said so in the first place, "We do?" Gakuto asked and went to get one. He wrapped it in the towel and brought it over.

"Thank you." Yuushi said all nasally. With his head tilted up and back, he looked over and down at Gakuto. A frown tugged at his lips and he looked concerned. Yuushi held the ice pack to his nose, and reached for Gakuto. He pulled him close, and Gakuto for once didn't feel like fighting his way out of a hug that wasn't given during some kind of sexual foreplay.

In fact, he moved closer to the tensai and held him tighter. Yuushi asked, "Are you all right?"

Gakuto despite himself shivered as he remembered the dream and how real it seemed. He hugged Yuushi back harder and said softly, "No."

Yuushi looked alarmed. Gakuto rolled his eyes. He looked up at the tensai and stuck his finger in Yuushi's mouth under his top lip and said, "Here, go like this to make it stop." Yuushi replaced Gakuto's finger with his own. "Hold your head like this. I'm sorry I hit you."

"It's okay." Yuushi said all stuffed up, "You didn't mean to."

Gakuto took in Yuushi's bloody nose, his bandaged hand, the bump on his head from Sato, and figured the tensai probably had several more bumps and bruises from Gakuto hitting, kicking, biting, scratching, and/or punching him. "Damn, Yuushi. I really beat the hell out of you." Gakuto felt terrible, "I'm really sorry."

Stupid Yuushi smiled. Despite the blood and the ice pack in the towel he held to his face, Gakuto had to admit, the idiot looked boyishly cute right then. Yuushi smiled more and said, "Really, it's okay." Yuushi ruffled Gakuto's hair with his other hand and then smoothed it down. "You know, we were only asleep for about twenty minutes?"

It had felt like hours, "No way!" Gakuto looked at the clock surprised. He stood and went to wash Yuushi's blood off him. Then he got a wet washcloth to wipe Yuushi off too. Gakuto came back and sat in front of Yuushi. "Lemme see..." Yuushi dropped his hands and Gakuto gently wiped his chest and face. "I think it stopped..." Gakuto said and very gingerly wiped around Yuushi's nose and mouth. Gakuto was worried that any second it would start gushing again. He was so engrossed with being careful, that he didn't notice Yuushi moving in until the tensai's lips were on Gakuto's, kissing him.

Yuushi made a tiny, very nasal, but good humming noise as he kissed him.

"Hey! Yuushi, stop! You're gonna start bleeding again." Gakuto rolled his eyes, and tried to sound annoyed, but he let Yuushi kiss him. He wanted to feel the tensai closer and had to keep from sighing in relief out loud as Yuushi's arms went around him.

Yuushi broke the kiss and pulled back. He said, "It would be well worth it, provided you kiss me like that more." He smiled looking all goofy and moony and said almost shyly, "I like when you take care of me. Thank you." Gakuto rolled his eyes again, but felt his mouth stretch into a small smile as he kissed Yuushi back. It was just getting good, and Gakuto was just relaxing when Yuushi asked, "Do you want to tell me about your dream?"

Damn. Yuushi really knew how to kill a mood.

Gakuto then wondered in awe at how many times he had already come that day. Damn, and he was up for more? That was something new, and...damn, they hadn't even had sex. Yet. Gakuto was determined. And he remembered the good part of his dream, the one where he was kissing Yuushi and they were gonna do it in the stairwell with...Gakuto as seme to Yuushi?

And he recalled the feeling that they had done it like that before? Lots. No way was he gonna tell Yuushi that. The tensai would freak out for certain then.

"S'okay Yuushi." Gakuto shrugged, "It was just a dream." As he said it, Gakuto remembered more of the dream. Yuushi going down after being hit, Gakuto taking the blow for the tensai even though he knew it would kill him, and telling Yuushi he loved him just before he died. He still remembered clearly that in his dream, he had meant those words with his entire heart and soul. He was gonna die for Yuushi without a seconds hesitation or any regret.

It was surprising. Gakuto was even more shocked as he realized that he didn't even spare a thought for his family or his Mom because all his thoughts and feelings were about Yuushi, and how much he loved him. He could still feel almost a memory of how deep he felt those things, those feelings for Yuushi in his dream.

Gakuto was confused as he tried to figure out exactly what it was he felt for Yuushi. For real.

He remembered how happy in the dream he had been in the stairwell. How happy he was laughing and kissing Yuushi just before they did it, and to go from being all happy and horny and in love like that to dying for him and knowing they were both gonna die just a little while later...

Gakuto shuddered.

Yuushi in response held him closer and ran his finger along his part soft, and slow. "Lie down and tell me? Please?" Yuushi kissed him gently, and Gakuto absently kissed him back. He was wondering just how much to tell the tensai if anything when Yuushi said, "We have time still to sleep and if you tell me what happened and we talk about it, then you won't dream it again."

Damn, that sounded good. Gakuto wished it were that easy. To not have the dream ever again. Or at least to not ever have the bad parts ever again. Gakuto remembered that parts of the dream he had been having for years. Some of those parts he could tell the tensai, but he shivered remembering them again. Gakuto climbed under the covers and Yuushi got in next to him.

The tensai must have known Gakuto was cold and went to lie down and put his arms around him, but Gakuto stopped him quickly before Yuushi put his head on the pillow. "Wait!" He said, and flipped it to the other side, "Okay. We almost didn't flip it first." Gakuto felt relieved he did it in time.

Yuushi looked at him confused. Gakuto rolled his eyes, "After a bad dream, you're supposed to flip your pillow over so it stays stuck on the other side. Everyone knows that!" Yuushi apparently didn't. "Haven't you ever had a nightmare?" Gakuto asked him confused and a little annoyed. It was amazing the things the genius didn't know.

"Of course." Yuushi said with a shrug.

"What did you do?" Gakuto asked him.

"Afterwards?" Yuushi looked confused again until Gakuto nodded. The tensai said dryly, "I woke up, and then went back to sleep."

"No." Gakuto smiled. Yuushi really was so stupid sometimes, and then he had a thought that worried him, "When you were little, and had a bad dream, who did you go to? Who came to your room? What did they do?" Yuushi looked confused and then sad, so Gakuto asked in horror, "Who comforted you, Yuushi? Who came in and told you it was going to be all right, and held you until you went back to sleep?"

Yuushi shrugged and put on that bad stupid smile. The one he made when someone hurt his feelings and he thought if he smiled no one would know.

Gakuto knew. He always knew, but he still needed this confirmed so he asked, "Your Mom really didn't come? Or your Dad? Or even your tutor? No one?"

Gakuto was horrified. This to him was the cruelest thing and nearly beyond what he could imagine, but then it suddenly occurred to Gakuto that if Yuushi when he was little was peeing in his bed to not get up, he probably just lay there. A lonely little boy, upset, crying, and scared. He would be there alone, all night long, all alone and no one came. Gakuto felt terribly sorry for that lonely little boy. It must have shown on his face too.

Yuushi in response increased that terrible smile. "Oh come now," Yuushi drawled as if he was gonna make bad jokes like he sometimes did when he was pushed too far, "tensai's don't have nightmares. Surely you know th...?"

Gakuto put his fingertips on Yuushi's mouth to stop him, "Don't joke."

Yuushi said sadly around his fingertips, "I know, I'm not funny. I'm stupid, and I don't know things like...turning pillows over after a nightmare. No one ever told me, and I never read things like that anywhere. So, I didn't know. I'm really sorry." He looked sincerely sorry as if any of that was his fault.

Gakuto felt something like a knife twist in his heart, "No, that isn't what I meant!" Gakuto willed himself to not get or sound mad at Yuushi. He wasn't mad at the tensai, but at the people who didn't care enough for him. Gakuto took a breath and said calmer, "What I mean is, don't turn it into a joke. Just...just tell me so I understand, okay?" Gakuto paused and tried to put it into words, "I just wanna know, Yuushi, okay? And you're not stupid for not knowing things like that, they're stupid idiots for not teaching you. It was their job and they didn't do it. All right?"

Yuushi looked perplexed. His eyebrows drew together like when he read a formula or heard a theory he didn't quite grasp but would research on his own later. He slowly nodded and Gakuto wondered how many gears in the guy's head were racing to spin.

After a moment, the tensai said, "When I was five, I had a very bad dream. My parents were out of town. My father was at an international medical conference and my mother accompanied him. They traveled frequently when I was growing up, in fact, they still do. I was left at home with my tutor. There was a bad plane crash earlier that day, a flight from the country they were in, and everyone on board died. It made all the news channels, and although my parents were not involved, I felt the common childhood fear of losing your parents in so horrible a manner. I had a nightmare and woke up with a need to speak to my parents. I crawled out of my room, praying that my tutor didn't hear me, and went to the far end of our home. I had seen my parents itinerary and remembered where they were staying and the number. I called the hotel, and asked for their room. It was near midnight for me, but it was near dawn for them. They were furious. A few hours later they called my tutor and reprimanded him for allowing this to happen. He was...upset. I was...punished. After that, I was given a series of dream books, Carl Jung, Sigmund Freud, and the like, to incorporate into my studies." Yuushi shrugged, "I never did it again. From then on, if I had a bad dream, I wrote it down in my computer and set it to delete when the computer was next rebooted. It erased it, in a sense, and it helped me."

Gakuto felt a chill inside him thinking of how terrible that must have been. He was trying to think of a way to ask exactly how Yuushi was punished, but before he could, the tensai asked, "Is this a dream you've had before?"

Wide-eyed, Gakuto nodded. "Since...since that happened to me. It's almost always the same dream." He shrugged and tried to play it off, but he knew Yuushi alone would understand how much it upset him.

Yuushi smiled for real asked, "What did your family do when you had a bad dream? What did your mom do?"

It warmed the chill Gakuto had been feeling to think about his own mom. "I used to get a lot of bad dreams after that happened. You know...?" Yuushi nodded to indicate he understood.

Gakuto went on, "I wouldn't sleep and then when I did, it would be bad. That dream a lot. So for a long time, my Mom would have to come in and wake me whenever I cried. Every night sometimes. She used to hold me, tell me everything would be okay, flip my pillow like I showed you, and then tell me stories until I fell asleep again. It was nice. I felt safe." Gakuto shrugged and then thought about it, "You know, Yuushi, even though you didn't learn that stuff you still did most of it for me anyway. You still knew what to do, and..." Gakuto shrugged again and then sighed, "...well if you ever have a bad dream I'll do the same for you. All right?"

Yuushi smiled, but sadly, "Thank you, Gakuto, but you don't have to. If I have a bad dream I'll just write it on the computer like I always have."

Gakuto was really annoyed. Sometimes Yuushi could be so stupid! "Yuushi, I know I don't have to, but maybe I want to, all right?" Stupid tensai! "And the computers might not be safe anyway, so just...if you have one, just talk to me." Damn he could make Gakuto so angry! "Look Yuushi, you're not just my roommate you're my..." Well damn, Gakuto didn't know what to call this or label the tensai, because he really wasn't sure how he felt about Yuushi other than angry right now. So he finished knowing it sounded lame, "You're my friend. My good friend. And good friends do stuff like that for each other." Now Gakuto was annoyed by the friend or even good friend description not sounding like nearly enough.

Yuushi looked more hurt and dejected now than when Gakuto started. Damn it!

Upset himself, Gakuto defensively threw out, "Haven't you ever had a good friend before?"

The moment it was out of Gakuto's mouth he regretted all of it. Yuushi looked like he had been slapped by his words instead of comforted like Gakuto wanted him to feel. Yuushi looked like he was gonna cry. The tensai drew in a breath through his mouth that sounded a little rattling and he said all small and painful, "No, sorry. I never have. I know, I'm really weir..."

Gakuto didn't know what the hell to say so he kissed him. Yuushi was so surprised or maybe upset that he didn't kiss him back right away. Gakuto felt one of Yuushi's tears hit his cheek as he kissed him, and he pulled back to wipe them away with his fingers. "Look, Yuushi, you know I really suck at stuff like this." Yuushi looked confused so Gakuto explained, "Word stuff and all this talking about feelings crap. I'm trying to make you feel better, not worse. Yuushi, you're my best friend." And more, but Gakuto didn't know how much more. Or what the hell to call it yet so he let that phrase hang out there even though that didn't fit either.

Yuushi whispered, "I thought Taki was your best friend."

Gakuto gave a little laugh, "Ha. Not anymore. I think that position is wide open if you want it."

Yuushi was quiet a moment and Gakuto actually worried that the tensai would say it wasn't enough. Because really, it wasn't, but Yuushi said, "Okay," and kissed him lightly as if reminding Gakuto how much it wasn't enough. Yuushi pulled back and then looked worried, "May I ask another stupid question?"

Gakuto shrugged.

Yuushi looked sheepish and asked, "I'm sorry, but I've never been anyone's best friend before. Is there anything else I need to know? Maybe other things that no one ever taught me? I don't want to get it wrong."

Gakuto pulled back and looked at Yuushi angry. He was certain Yuushi was making fun of him. He scanned the tensai's face and saw nothing there but sincerity. Like Yuushi just really didn't want to make a mistake. Gakuto felt guiltier than ever. He tried again to make it right, "You're fine, Yuushi. You're a really good best friend." Gakuto had another thought and said honestly, "You're the best friend I've ever had." Yuushi looked at him like he didn't believe him. "Really. I'm closer to you than to anyone else I've ever been. You're even better than Taki."

Yuushi was quiet for a long moment as they settled down into bed. He asked after a while, "Do you think you will ever be best friends with Taki again?"

Gakuto considered it. He also noticed that Yuushi looked worried as he asked. Like he thought Taki was gonna come in and take his place back. Take Gakuto away. Gakuto considered it, and realized he already knew that wasn't going to happen. And not just because of the troubles with Taki, but he was closer to the tensai. Yuushi knew almost everything, and somehow it didn't matter to him. And there were other things. Maybe things he should tell Yuushi.

Gakuto sighed, "No, but I think I gotta tell you some stuff about Taki and me. The reason we stopped getting along isn't just because of Sato. That didn't help, but we had other problems. Most people don't know this, and please don't tell anyone, but Taki is manic depressive. He's fine most of the time if he stays on his medication, but sometimes he forgets to take it and gets really down. I didn't care, I mean, I was still his friend no matter what. Last year he dated and fell in love with two people at once."

Yuushi looked at him confused as if he had questions about that.

Gakuto answered the unasked question, "Really. Two people at one time. One a guy and one a girl. Neither one knew about the other and when they found out, they both competed for him, and demanded that he choose. He couldn't. I swear, he was in love with both of them. I never saw anything like it before, and what Taki did when they both put too much pressure on him was he walked away from both of them. He and I were just starting to become good friends then, but not like you and me. He had a really rough few weeks that I helped him through after he walked away. He was heartsick, but thought it was for the best since he couldn't choose. It took him months to get over them, and that was just to function again. I don't think he ever got over them. I think the only reason Sato was able to get close to Taki was because he was still so broken up about the two people."

Gakuto paused to look at Yuushi. He wanted him to clearly understand this for some reason, "Taki came on to me several times. He kinda gets sexual when he gets upset or lonely, but I never did anything really with him. I don't normally like to kiss, except with you, so I would tell Taki to cut it out when he would start."

Gakuto looked at Yuushi to make sure he heard him and understood. Yuushi nodded and Gakuto said again just to make sure the stupid tensai understood, "I like kissing you, but Taki would always grab me and try to kiss on me. I hated it. I tried to turn it into a joke, and we would laugh, but it was never really funny. One night, after a party, we sort of fooled around. I don't know how it started, but he was really aggressive in a way I didn't like, and I tried to stop him. We were drunk, and he was my best friend so I told him to cut it the hell out. I said I didn't like him like that or want him. Taki went a little crazy. He doesn't take being rejected very well, and it was like he couldn't believe I said no. He even said he couldn't believe a slut like me would turn him down."

Yuushi went to comfort Gakuto and he knew the tensai would. Gakuto let him hold him closer but shook off the tensai's words so he could finish telling him what happened. He had a big urge for someone to know, "He just said it to be a bitch, and I know it's not true, and I know he didn't really mean it. It's just the way he is. He gets upset easy, and I really didn't want him. Taki is an uke through and through when he is with a guy. We talked about a lot of sex stuff so I knew how he would be. I don't mind switching, sometimes, I guess..." Gakuto said and then paused to remember his dream a little more. And a few other things. Like his first time and Sato. He sighed and said, "but I knew I didn't have feelings for Taki like that, and I knew the sex wouldn't be fun, and I knew that the next day no matter what would be a mess. I didn't want to lose him as a friend. Hell it was always a mess without having sex so I knew it would have been really bad if we did it. I slept over his place that night, Sato had gone home for the weekend, plus Taki didn't know about Sato and me. I woke up several times and found Taki kissing me, touching me, and doing things. It was crazy. The more I pushed him away the more he wanted me, which made me more determined to push him away. I was drunk or I woulda walked out."

Gakuto considered it, "I think some of it might have been him drinking, I mean, he used to tell me all the time how he changed when he drank, and that it wasn't good to mix the medicines he had to take with liquor, but how he was acting was crazy." Gakuto cringed at telling someone, especially Yuushi this part, "I...uh...well he got really upset, so...uh...to make him stop and calm him down...I jerked him off. He kissed me and told me he loved me and stuff when he came. Then he passed out asleep, and that was the last time I slept over with him anywhere. He asked me home and stuff after that, but it was easy to say I was busy. Sometimes Taki would ask me if I wanted to mess around, especially when things with him and Sato were bad. I told you Sato used to tell me everything to hurt me so I always knew. I always told Taki no, that I was seeing someone or liked someone else. I don't know what Taki thinks now. I know I hurt him, but it's not all about me and Sato because Taki knows what a bastard Sato is." Gakuto shrugged and worried that Yuushi would think less of him now. So he added, "If I coulda made Sato leave Taki alone, I would have. I tried to sometimes, but Sato always just thought I was jealous."

Yuushi asked, "Do you think Sato wanted both of you? Together? You never did?"

Gakuto thought about it, "You mean like a three-way?" Yuushi nodded and Gakuto recalled that the tensai was supposed to have had several of them. "No. I never had one. I suggested it to Sato a long time before, you know, just to get it out into the open. I didn't want either of them. And I didn't want to be with both of them together, but thought maybe it could make things change or Taki know what was going on so he maybe could get away or something."

"What happened?" Yuushi asked.

Gakuto shuddered remembering. "You saw." Gakuto said, "I think that was the time you saw. When he used the racket. He was so angry because I suggested it the day before. Sato said he didn't want anyone else to have me. He was weird and jealous about me. I think he was only with Taki to hurt me, but he felt worried at the same time that we would get together and get rid of him or something. Sato didn't like me to have any friends. He used to say that I was his, I belonged to him, and that I wasn't to tell anyone or he would...you know..."

Yuushi looked confused, like he did not know or understand.

Gakuto said, "I told you, Sato said he'd do me with his fist. He said he'd put his hands in me, rip my insides out slowly, and then kill me. When you came into my room and saved me Yuushi, he was gonna. He really was gonna..." Gakuto swallowed hard and said what had been scaring him for days and days. What he was truly afraid of with Sato. The bat. The same one. Sato swinging it. Gakuto whispered, "Yuushi, if he ever found out what happened to me..."

The next thing Gakuto knew, Yuushi was kissing him in that good swirly way, and then he pulled back and gave Gakuto little kisses all over his face. Gakuto didn't realize until then he must have been crying a little, mostly though because of the shadow specter of the dream still looming over him. Yuushi was saying nice things in between kissing him. "I love you. No one will ever hurt you again. I'll protect you. I'll always protect you. I'll keep you safe. I swear, he'll never know. He'll never bother you again. You don't have to be afraid anymore. I love you."

Before Gakuto knew what he was doing, he told Yuushi about the dream. That he had always had it, sometimes he thought he had even had it maybe even before being attacked, and that now Yuushi was in it, changing everything and nothing all at once. Gakuto told Yuushi how he jumped on top of him to save him, but not what he said before Sato killed him. Again Gakuto felt those emotions, the ones from the dream stirring up inside him and churning within him. It was like he remembered how much he loved Yuushi, or maybe it was how much he was someday going to love him and either way it was scary.

Yuushi brought him out of his thoughts, "You saved me? Gakuto, no. I don't want you to save me. Not ever. If that were ever to happen, anything like that, I'd want you to just get away." Yuushi looked very upset, "I couldn't live if anything happened to you..."

Gakuto did not like the turn this conversation had taken, "Shut up Yuushi! If I wanna save you, I'm gonna. It was just a dream, okay! A stupid dream that doesn't mean anything except I was being nice to you! Okay? Whose gonna protect me if you're dead? Besides you think I'm gonna let you die saving me? NO way. You'd haunt me forever and keep bugging me. I know you, Yuushi. You'd annoy the hell outta me until I was a crazy old man! You'd tell me the same stupid jokes every day until I went insane! And I couldn't hit you to make you shut up!"

He looked furious at Yuushi who was grinning like a fool. Gakuto didn't know if it was because he said he would save him or what, but the stupid tensai started to laugh.

Gakuto laughed a moment later thinking of a ghostly Yuushi following him around. It was pretty funny and it felt very good to laugh after the terrible dream. They both laughed for a long time until they were wiping tears. They settled down after several attempts to stop laughing, when one or the other laughed again which made them both crack up. Finally they both stopped laughing and Yuushi just held Gakuto close. The tensai kissed him once, twice, and then three times, something Gakuto was sure Yuushi didn't even know he did before he went to sleep. Each kiss lasted a little longer as if he couldn't bear to be parted from Gakuto the little while their nap would take. Gakuto rolled his eyes and then closed them when he saw Yuushi's were already closed.

He took a deep breath and felt himself relax. He smiled because he was hard again after Yuushi kissed him or maybe still hard from earlier. Damn, but he was always up lately. That was Yuushi's fault. He felt Yuushi was hard too, and Gakuto had known that the tensai was for a long time too. Gakuto was just trying to summon up the energy to maybe play around when a very sleepy sounding Yuushi said, "I love you."

Without even thinking about it, Gakuto's throat made a little noise. It sounded like a tiny grunt but Gakuto knew it was almost more. His hoarse voice went to say it back to Yuushi before he even thought about it, but at the last moment, it caught in his throat and just sounded like he said, "Mm-hmm". Gakuto was shocked at himself.

He kept his eyes carefully closed in case Yuushi looked at him. Crap. He had no idea why he almost did that. It wasn't like he did it ever before. Did he? Maybe he just answered because it was the polite thing to do. Or maybe because of that stupid dream. Damn. He was gonna have to watch that.

Yuushi must have been looking at him, and he must have heard because he moved to kiss him all swirly. Yuushi hummed in the good way but softly. Gakuto kissed him and then said, "Tired." He moved closer to Yuushi, pressed their erections together and tried to make the same noise. He was thinking maybe he could convince Yuushi that he just made the noise because he was horny again. Gakuto made a noise all right, but it sounded like a purr instead of the other noise. Damn.

"You're tired?" Yuushi drawled and sounded sexy and amused.

Gakuto looked at him. Under Yuushi's eyes were shadows from being exhausted. Or maybe from Gakuto almost breaking his nose. His nose was swollen and the stupid tensai looked happy to just be with Gakuto. Despite being beat to hell, Yuushi was still smiling. Gakuto reached his lips up and met Yuushi's in a brief kiss. "Hold me close and sleep a while with me Yuushi. We'll be at Jiroh's tonight and we can mess around then."

Yuushi looked surprised, and then concerned. He asked with his eyes and eyebrows if Gakuto was all right.

Gakuto was fine, it was how tired Yuushi looked that worried him. "Fine, just tired Yuushi. Okay?"

"Okay," Yuushi said and pulled him closer. He kissed him three more times before settling down. Gakuto closed his eyes and felt Yuushi's breathing get more and more regular. Yuushi really needed to sleep. You never knew when the coach or Atobe would schedule matches or allow the masses of club regulars to challenge you. If you lost you could be dropped from the sub-regulars or even worse, dropped from the team completely. Either way, if it happened, Yuushi would have to move out, and for an instant, Gakuto wondered if he would go with him. And not just for his safety. Which was insane.

He was still thinking this when Yuushi said, as if from a long way away, "I love you."

Before Gakuto could stop himself, again he said, "Mm-hmm."

Damn it!

What the hell?

Gakuto peered at Yuushi through his eyelashes wondering if the tensai heard that one too. He was worried. Maybe he could tell Yuushi he was saying "Shut up."

All Yuushi did several moments later was hold him a bit tighter and sigh as if happy.

Gakuto closed his eyes and waited for something else to happen.

He must have fallen asleep because the alarm clock woke them both up, and they went to practice.

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Learning to Land