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Heaven Needed an Angel	By : SeijiDate Category: +. to F > FAKE Views: 2637 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own FAKE, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Title: Heaven Needed an Angel: Chapter Five

Fandom: FAKE

Author: Seiji_D

Disclaimer: Fake is the creation of Sanami Matoh, therefore she owns them, not me.

Rating: R (Just to be safe)

Pairing: Dee x Ryo x Dee

Content: Angst/ Character Death/ Language

Summary: When someone close to Dee is viciously attacked and loses their hold on life, Dee loses his ability to cope.

Heaven Needed an Angel

Chapter Five

Pain and Sorrow

By Seiji_D

~**~**~**~**~**~

Dee sat in the semi-darkened room, stunned and silent and still unable to believe what he knew to be true. She was gone, whether he wanted to believe it or not. He would never be able to turn to her for anything ever again. Some heartless bastard had selfishly robbed him of the only mother he ever known, leaving him alone without the one person he adored more than anything. Sure he had others to lean on now, but that didn�t help ease the pain running through his heart or bring him the comfort he needed at the moment.

Even now, he could still hear the doctor pronouncing her death time and forever changing his life. Everything after that was a blur and seemed more like a bad dream that he just couldn�t wake up from. Dee could only vaguely recall Father Cardenas leading him in prayer. He barely remembered looking over at Ryo, who was standing by the wall and crying softly. He really didn�t remember Ryo bringing him home nor could he remember very much of the days that followed. Most of all, Dee couldn�t remember the last time he had felt so much pain as he was feeling now. Losing his beloved Penguin was proving to be more than he could handle, he knew it, he just didn�t know how to deal with it.

�I miss you so much, Penguin. The day you died it felt as though a part of my heart died as well. It hurts so much and I can�t get it to stop. I�m trying to be strong like you asked but I seemed to be failing at that as well. I can�t seem to just move on and I can�t find any comfort in the fact that you�re in a better place, as Father Cardenas put it. None of those things are easing this wound in my heart. I failed to protect you and that�s what hurts the most.�

Dee covered his face with his hands and cried quietly. He knew that Ryo was home and as much as his heart wanted to, he just couldn�t bring himself to reaching out to his partner for comfort. Several times he had started to, but each time he did, Dee found himself pulling back again, unable to show his lover the grief now washing over his heart and soul.

�I know he�s worried about me and wants to help me but I just can�t let go of this pain in front of him. I know that he�s hurting too, I saw that the night you died. I also know that my inability to open up to him is hurting him even more but I just can�t help it. I can�t do it no matter how hard I try. I don�t know how to be that open with anyone, especially Ryo.�

Dee was so used to dealing with his emotions in a private way that to show anything other than concern, worry or anger was just too difficult to do. To show more just made him appear weak, in his eyes and he vowed to never allow that, no matter what. Mother Lane had been the only one to see Dee in his weakest moments. She was the only one he could really trust with that part of himself. With her he felt safe to let his guard down, knowing she would never betray his trust.

Despite knowing that he truly loved Ryo and how important it was for their relationship for him to be open with his lover, Dee couldn�t bring himself to leaving himself that open and vulnerable. When he really thought about it, Dee realized that he was afraid to open up that much.

�If I would and Ryo�s feelings for me would change because of it, I don�t think I could handle that. I just can�t risk having the last bits of my heart that no one owns but me, to be shattered apart. I know it�s silly because Ryo loves me for me and nothing would ever change that. I know that yet I still fear showing him the part of me I keep hidden inside.�

Lying down on the bed, Dee curled himself into a ball. As hard as he tried, he just couldn�t get past this immense pain he felt. He also feared the anger that was slowly rising within him. The anger he felt for the man who had taken his Mother away from him. Dee knew that it would eat away at him until he exploded and he feared what would happen when it did.

The Penguin had been everything to him. The only mother he ever knew. She had always been there for him and supporting him even when she didn�t always agree with his way of doing things. She had been the only one who ever truly understood him and believed in him.

�Until Ryo came along, that is.�

Even when he found himself wrestling with his sexuality, The Penguin stood by him, guided him and supported him, allowing him the chance to sort through his feeling until he knew what they meant. When he had decided that he was attracted to men and women she managed to look past her own conviction and beliefs to accept his lifestyle. After awhile she didn�t care whether he was dating a man or a woman, just as long as he was happy. When he had told her that he had fallen deeply in love with Ryo, she had been so happy for him. And when he had told her that Ryo had finally admitted his love, she had cried.

The Penguin was his rock and his confidant. She was his strength when he was at his weakest and his number one cheering squad when he was at his best. Above all these things she was his mother but now she was gone and he was left feeling so lost and broken.

�I can�t do this without your strength. You�re the reason I became the man I am today. It was your love and guidance that helped me to chose the right path. I miss you so much. I need you... Help me, Mother... Please help me.�

Dee pulled one of the pillows closer to his body and buried his face into it as he sobbed. The pain was so great and he just couldn�t see an end to it.

~**~**~**~**~**~

Ryo walked into the bedroom to find Dee curled up on the bed and apparently asleep. Quietly as he could, Ryo stripped out of his clothes before slipping into the bed next to his lover. He didn�t even bother setting the alarm, knowing that he would be awakened in another hour or so anyway. It had become a routine and for now the chestnut haired man would have to let things go as they were.

�Why won�t you let me in, Dee? I love you and I want to help ease this pain you�re feeling, if you�d just allow me to. I know I can�t make it go away but together we can share the grief so you�re not carrying it all alone. I do know what you�re going through. I felt the same way the day I lost my mom and dad. Why can�t you show me your sorrow? Why do you feel the need to hide it from me? Are you that insecure about the bonds we share? Is it that you still can�t trust me with that part of yourself? I want to help you but I can�t until you let me in. Please Dee....�

Ryo pressed his forehead to Dee�s back only to feel his lover move away. It was just like every other night since her death. Turning so that his back was to Dee, Ryo could finally allow his own tears to fall though he made sure to keep them silent. Dee had enough to deal with at the moment.

�I don�t know how to reach him and I�m afraid that the longer things stay as they are, the further he will pull away. I have to find a way to break through his wall before it�s too late and I lose him to his own grief.�

Until Dee was ready to come to him, all Ryo could do was to make sure that he was there to put the pieces back together when his lover finally did break. Ryo closed his eyes as he slowly drifted off into a light sleep, knowing that he would be waking up again shortly.

~**~**~**~**~**~

Dee waited until he was certain that Ryo was asleep before he slipped out of the bed and quietly headed into the kitchen where he grabbed two cans of beer. Walking into the living room, he sat down on the sofa and drew his knees up to his chest.

Once again the nightmares had come, robbing him of his sleep. As he had done every night since The Penguin�s death, Dee sat in the darkened living room and drank until the alcohol allowed him to fall asleep. The first night he had to actually sneak out and buy some beer but after that, Ryo had started keeping the fridge stocked for some reason.

�He�s not dumb, Dee. He knows you sit out here and drink until you more or less pass out. How the hell do you think you wind up back in bed?�

Dee finished off the two beers in record time and then went to the kitchen for more. This time he brought a whole six-pack in with him. At least he was able to forget for awhile. For a few hours he didn�t have to imagine what his beloved Penguin had endured that night, and for a few hours he could actually let go of the pain.

~**~**~**~**~**~

Ryo lay there in the dark, watching the clock and waiting. He had heard Dee get up and leave the bedroom almost three hours ago. He knew where his lover was and that he was drowning his pain in alcohol.

�I just wish he would come to me instead....�

Rolling onto his back, Ryo looked up at the ceiling, which was illuminated by the lights from outside the window. He watched as the shadows paraded across the surface and helped to pass the time. It would be another hour at least, before he could go to Dee and bring him back to bed.

�I�m hurting too, Dee. I want us to be like we were but I know that can�t be. Not right now anyway. I just hope that you will find your way back to me because I�m so scared of what lies ahead if you don�t.�

Ryo waited until he felt that it was safe before he slipped out of bed and silently walked into the living room. Peeking around the corner and squinting in the dark, he could barely make out Dee�s form as his lover half sat and half lay on the couch. The alcohol had done its job and Dee was sound asleep.

�As bad as it sounds, at least he is able to get some rest without the nightmares that wake him every time he does try to sleep.�

Ryo sighed softly as he walked over to Dee and carefully scooped his lover into his arms. Gently, he carried the younger man back into the bedroom where he lay him down. After covering Dee up and placing a kiss to his lover�s cheek, Ryo went back out into the living room to clean up the empty beer cans.

Once he had everything back in its place, the chestnut haired man quietly entered the bedroom. Glancing at the clock, he saw that he had at least two and a half to three hours of sleep left before he would have to get up. Now, he set the alarm as he yawned and then slipped in under the blankets. At least with Dee in this drunken state he was able to hold his lover. Tenderly, Ryo pulled Dee closer and held him close, finding a little comfort in his lover�s soft snore.

�Sleep well, Dee. I love you.�

~ To Be Continued ~

~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~
- 5
- 6
- 7
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Heaven Needed an Angel