Sins of the Heart

Chapter 6:Revalation

The next day I sat at my desk trying to do paperwork. Watari was there talking
with Hisoka. He was telling the kid about how Terazuma had lost Muraki’s trail when the
doctor went into the doll shop. Dammit, I was so startled in seeing you that I forgot to
ask you what the deal with those creepy dolls was. I know women collect them but I have
never heard of men collecting antique dolls. I shrugged putting you out of my mind for
the time being. Right now, I had guardian business to do. I turned to my eccentric
friend and smiled at the blond. The man was such a chatterbox. Watari didn‘t seem to
know when to keep his mouth shut. Deep down I was feeling pretty smug because Terazuma
lost Muraki‘s trail. He deserves being taken down a peg or two. It was nice hearing
Terazuma was being yelled at by the chief but the kid and I do have a job. “Hey Watari,
unlike you Hisoka and I have work to do.”

He shot me an impish grin and apologized. He got up and told us if he heard anymore
about Muraki. He would let us know.
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We were given a case to bring in the soul of an eight-year-old boy. The child’s death was
so sudden until he did not know he was dead. He thought the kids were just being mean
to him when they would not speak to him. We found the boy at the playground sitting on
the swings. It was assignments like these that really broke my heart. Only eight years
old and already dead. The child clung to my neck when I spoke to him. He was so
happy that someone was speaking to him. I almost started crying. I told him that we are here to
take him to meet his new family. Of course, he was hesitant at first pulling away from
me. After I told him, he would have a big brother. He perked up some. I lifted the child
into my arms. We were about to leave when out of the corner of my eye I got a glimpse
of something flashing in the sunlight. I turned just in time to see you walk by. You
turned your head slightly and smiled at me. My heart pounded in my chest just from
seeing your face. What could this mean? This happens . . . this strange feeling every
time I see you. My heart beats faster. Images of you dance in my head. I dream of you
touching me and moving strongly yet possessively inside me. I wake in the middle of the
night soaking wet from my dreams. What does this mean Muraki. What have you done
to me. I look for you but you are gone. At that, I feel my heart sink into the pit of my
stomach. No, I refuse to think about you any longer. Yet, even as I make my declaration
I know that my mind shall wander upon you. You shall be in some corner of my mind
waiting to seduce me, to toy with me until my soul screams for your touch. I shook my
head and pushed the feelings to the back of my mind. I know now that I will have to
dig deep within my own heart to find the answers as to why my heart seem to yearn for your
touch alone. Not too far behind you was Terazuma and his partner. I smile smugly at the
scowl on his face. You must really be putting that bastard through the ringer. Good for
you.


“Tsuzuki,” said Hisoka pulling me out of my thoughts. “Let’s go.” I nod my head and I
follow behind him. I guess the kid didn’t see you. Good thing, he probably would
have run after you.


I was sitting at my desk thinking about you when a tiny bird flew into the window. It landed
on the desk in front of me. There was a soft glow and then it turned into a piece of paper. I
unfolded the paper and read. It was a note from you. You wanted to meet me at noon
at the Tokyo Tower today. Why in the world would you want me there. Sometimes
your thinking confuses me. So, you want to meet. I frowned remembering Terazuma and
his partner. I continued to read the note and snickered to myself. /Do not worry
about my supposed shadows. I will take care of them./ My eyes widened in shock at
what he meant. /There’s no need in looking distressed. I have no intentions of
harming them./ I don’t know why but I had to laugh at that. Again, the high and
mighty Terazuma will loose Muraki. God, I wish I were a fly on the chief’s wall when
he reports that this is the second time, he has lost track of you.

So, I decided that I would go. Suddenly, Hisoka and Watari walked into the
office. I fold the note up and stuff it in my pocket.

“Tsuzuki, Watari is offering to buy lunch. You want to join us?” asked Hisoka.

“Nah, I have something I have to take care of first,” I told them. “Some other time.”

“Your lost,” said Watari shrugging his shoulders. “I’ll met you downstairs at noon,
Hisoka.”
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Time seem to drag by. I waited at my desk. I watched the minute hand as it moved
painstakingly slow across the face of the clock. I nearly jumped out of my
seat when the clock read noon straight up. Hisoka left to join Watari. I
left about five minutes afterwards.

When I arrived at the tower, you weren’t there. I stood out front and watched
the teachers with a group of preschoolers. The children held hands as the teachers
led the raucous rug rats into the tower. Adults walked back and forth in front of
the tower. A couple of high school girls walked by me. I smiled at them and bid them
good afternoon. They returned my greetings and burst into giggling. Women such
strange creatures. I turned my attention back to waiting for you. It’s weird but I’m
so excited. I think my heart will explode if I keep having this reaction to you. Why do
I react like this around you. Around everyone else, I feel normal. But once I’m
around you. It’s like I loose control whenever I’m near you. Just as I’m about to pen
down this strange emotion. I see you walking towards me minus Terazuma.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Tsuzuki,“ you said greeting me with one of your heart stopping
smiles. “I’m so glad you decided to come.“

“Okay Muraki, I’m here,“ I said trying to calm my rapidly beating heart. “What is it you
want to talk about?”

“Well, the restaurant here serves wonderful grilled fish, onigri and anpan.”

I stood there staring at him in shock. “Lunch? You mean you ask me to come here so
we could have lunch?” You held your smile, nodding your head. “I can’t believe I put
myself in trouble just so we can have lunch,” I said flustered. I tried to sound angry but
with my heart beating like a drum. I sound like a confused teenage girl.

“Shall we go,” you said. I sighed and lowered my head in submission. We entered the
tower and went to the restaurant located on the fourth floor. Since it was noon, the
restaurant was packed but we were able to find a table near the window. I looked out the
window down at the city. It was truly a sight to see but I’m sure the view at night must
be extraordinary.

“A penny for your thoughts,” you say to me smiling and you speared one of your shrimps
with your fork popping it into your mouth. “A nickel for a kiss.” You wiggled your eyebrows
at me. It was such a ridiculous thing for you to do. I burst out laughing.

“Wasn’t that an old saying?” I asked him.

“Yes. Shall I tell you the rest of the saying, Mr. Tsuzuki.” You stare into my eyes.
I can’t look away as I feel butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. I nod my
head.

“Well, it goes, a penny for your thoughts ,a nickel for a kiss, a dime if you tell me
that you love me.” I think my heart had stopped beating. This can’t be the same Kazutaka
Muraki that destroyed so many lives and nearly drove me to take my own life. It is almost
as if, you are a different person. “Are you finished with lunch?” you ask me.

Biting my bottom lip, I nodded my head. “I really should be going. It’s almost time for
me to return to work.” You pick up your napkin and lean forward wiping my mouth. I
wonder why people keep doing that? Do I look that childish? I sigh preparing to
stand up. Suddenly you reach your hand out grabbing my arm. I stare at you and
see something in your eye. I can’t quite put my finger on it but I feel all warm inside when
I look at you. I wait for you to speak.

“What are you doing tonight?”

I stare at you puzzled. “Nothing. Why?”

“How would you like to go out?” The smile on your face spreads to your eye making you
seem so young. “And don’t worry about your little friends. They won’t follow me and neither
will I hurt them. So, what do you say?”

I stare at him in shock. “Are you . . . asking me out on a . . . a date?”

“Yes I am,” you simply stated. “I have two tickets to the Odaiba Amusement Park. We could
have a lot of fun. So what do you say?”

I frown at you. This was complete insanity. I pulled my arm from your grasp. My head was
filled with so many conflicting emotions. I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I was being
torn apart. I know you are evil but yet after all the time we’ve spent together. I don’t feel
that way about you now. I feel like I’m betraying Hisoka and all those people you killed. I felt
an awful headache thrumming in my head. Ruka, I really wish you were here. I could use
some advice.

You sat there watching me with concern in your eye. God, I felt like I was drowning in a
sea of emotions. I have to get away from you. I really need to think about this and why I am
so drawn to you. “I’m . . . I’m sorry but I can’t.” My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach
when I saw your face droop in defeat. What the hell is wrong with me. Every since you
came back into my life. My emotions have been on a roller coaster. And it’s all your
fault. I started to become angry whether with myself or you. I didn’t know and didn’t
care. I could feel anger rising inside of me. Good, finally an emotion I could handle. “Look,
we are on opposite sides of the law. Just stay away from me, okay. Do not send me
any notes. I do not want to see you. EVER!” I yelled. The restaurant was silent
as I felt everyone’s eyes on us. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so harsh and yelled.
However, it couldn’t be helped. I had to break all ties to you. “Good bye.”
As I turned to walk away, I caught a glimpse of sheer panic on your face. I didn’t know
what to make of it. But one thing for sure, you were afraid. Why were you afraid? I
didn’t think anything would frighten you. Well, it really doesn’t matter. This strange
relationship between us is over. Just as I began to walk away from you. I heard the
scrapping of a chair across the floor. “Tsuzuki wait!” You called to me. Funny, I could
hear panic in your voice. I stopped but I did not turn to face you. This was so
embarrassing. I could just feel everyone’s eyes just boring into me. “Please don’t
leave. I . . . I love you.” I felt my heart pound against my chest. I thought any
minute now it would burst out of my chest. A tiny voice in the back of my mind
was singing for joy. But my more reasonable side warn me against believing
anything the maniacal doctor said. So, you love me. That is by far the lamest, most
unfair thing for you to blurt out in front of all these people. I glanced out of the
corner of my eyes and saw those same two girls I met outside. They were staring
at me, all dreamy eyed like that was the most romantic thing they had ever heard. Silly
schoolgirl’s fantasy. Closing my heart to your declaration of love, I walked out of
the restaurant and out of your life.
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It has been four weeks since I walked out of your life, and two weeks since I last
received a note from you wanting to see me. Life has gone pretty much back to
normal. At least on the outside. On the inside, I feel like my heart had taken a
severe beating. I feel so empty since I left you. At night, I see your panic-stricken
eye boring into me. I’ve been walking around the office in a daze not my
usual happy self and it’s all your fault.

At home, my thoughts are focus on you. I keep wondering how you are? I even
thought about going to see you but I changed my mind. That annoying perverted voice
keeps heckling me every chance it gets calling me a coward. Well, I’m not a
coward. I’m not. I lay on my couch staring up at the ceiling. I see your face. I close
my eyes. There your face is again. I got up with a sigh and walk over to the
window. I lean against the pane staring out into the night. I look up at the night sky and
all I see is your face. I don’t try to hold back all the conflicting emotions I feel
for you. I let them crash in on me like a wave. I feel myself going under. I’m
drowning. Someone please help me. And like a beacon, those three words you
uttered to me broke through the surface to envelop me in its warmth. Your love was
the light that guided me through the darkness of my own doubts.

“I love you.” I whispered to myself. Suddenly, I felt relieved. My heart felt
lite as I admitted to myself that I loved and was in love with you. I felt something
wet slid down my face. I touched my cheek and raised a wet hand up to my eyes. I
was crying. I started laughing and tried to dry my eyes. It was useless. The tears
just kept flowing. That’s when I knew what I had to do.