The Forked Path

*Hi all, starting to wonder if I should really consider continuing this fic since Sadistickiss (thank you so much) seems to be the only reviewer providing inciteful input. Please do let me know as I can't really gauge with the lack of feedback I've been getting from this.

Anyway, here's chappie 6 and I hope you'll enjoy it.

Cheers.

**********************************************************************

Chapter 6

We got into Kyouya’s car and he ordered his driver to take us to a nearby city park. All the while, nothing was said. The silence was almost unbearable but I knew better than to say anything. Kyouya looked distant. His mind had drifted off deep into his sea of thoughts and watching him look out the car window in that melancholy manner made me sympathize with him. Despite the anger, confusion and anxiety I was being taken through, I felt for Kyouya, because I knew what it was like to be in pain. When we reached our destination, he got out of the car, turned around and offered me his hand to escort me. I hesitated at first unsure of the gesture’s hidden meaning.

“Don’t worry. I just wanted to lead you to one of my favorite places here.” Kyouya smiled his gentle smile again.

“I don’t mean to be rude Kyouya. But I’ll settle with following since I’m still deciding on whether I should run for a cab.” I felt slightly guilty about my reply but I didn’t know if I could handle anymore for today and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear what he had to say. So while I still had a choice to bail out, I decided that keeping it would be my best option.

“I understand. This way.”

The park was surprisingly lush and if it was under a different circumstance it would have been the perfect place for a date. It was peaceful with few visitors giving it a very private setting. A light breeze blew making a gentle rustling sound from the large old trees, which grew there. Unfortunately, the calm ambience and beauty of the place did nothing to help save me from my inner self. Whilst we were walking through the park, the bullet train had taken off once again. “Why did he have to show me that? I already knew that she was in love with him? Didn’t I? Then why does it hurt me even more now? Kyouya’s sick. It’s like as if he enjoyed watching me in pain. But, then again, there was no sign of enjoyment in his face. All I see is resentment and regret. But why?” We stopped in front of a bench that overlooked a large man made lake. The lake was so huge that you could almost not see the other side of it. It was lovely, the soft ripples forming from the blowing winds coupled with the sounds of little lapping waves was so serene it was almost mesmerizing.

We sat down on the bench with Kyouya on my right. He leaned slightly forward, resting his weight on his lap and clasping his hands together. This was the first time since I’ve met him that Kyouya was visibly nervous. His eyes were closed showing just how difficult it was to calculate his next move. I had a hundred different questions on my mind but the last thing I wanted to do was to interrupt him in this condition. Anyway, the more he thought about his crazy actions the better. “Good, let him lament over what he’s done. He probably thinks it was stupid to show that to me and is now trying his best to correct it.”

“Kaoru, I’m sorry for what I did back there.” I was pulled back to reality from the sound of his voice. Kyouya opened his eyes and looked towards me.

“You’re sorry? After all that, you only have one thing to say? You’re sorry?”

“Yes, I really am.” Kyouya’s expression had clamed but he was clutching his hands so tight that I could see his fingers turning red. “Damn, he is really in pain and trying so hard to hide it.” I glared at him, angry but at the same time saddened because I pitied him and the amount of pain he was going through. Emotions were running high between the both of us and trying to remain calm was the best thing that either of us should exercise at this point. But it was extremely difficult to do so, especially with so many thoughts and insecurities on my mind. To lessen my mental strain, I decided to ask one of the many questions swimming around in my head. Anyway, I couldn’t see any other way to solve my confusion but to do so. If I didn’t have the answers, I would go back home and torture myself further with worries and that wouldn’t turn out too well if Hikaru started asking me what’s wrong.

“Sigh…You said it hurt to watch them. What did you mean?”

“I said seeing that, I didn’t say watching them.”

“Huh?” “What the fuck?”

“In any case, could you spare me a moment to explain and listen to what I have to say? I know you’re dying inside right now and I believe what I have to say will help you in some form. I know it didn’t seem like it just now and what I did was blunt and crude but I really did it to help you. Please, Kaoru? After this I’ll understand if you never want to speak to me again but hear me out first?”

“Oh God, do I really want to hear this?” I raised a hand to massage my left temple. I was beginning to suffer from such a bad headache as a result of all this. But perhaps hearing what he had to say would be the best option. No matter if it was something I wanted to hear or not, at least I would have my questions answered. Also, I didn’t know whether I could bear the uncertainties anymore.

“Go ahead.” Kyouya took a deep breath, exhaled slowly and whilst looking at the lake, he began.

“You see, when I first met Tamaki, I never knew that I was built to love someone but he changed that and I became obsessed with him to the point that all I wanted to do was to hold him in my arms and never let anyone else get close to him. But I knew that that would’ve been wrong. I struggled with my conflicting emotions, wanting him but not wanting to hurt and cage him. Also, Tamaki’s a straight guy and having one of his best friends suddenly say ‘I love you’ would’ve definitely ruined the close relationship that we both have grown to cherish. Then Haruhi came into this world and needless to say, she captivated Tamaki completely, which sent me into the pits of jealousy. I spent a long time asking myself why I should feel so much hate towards a person I hardly knew and whether it was worth it. Also, if I loved him that much, then shouldn’t I just let him go and find his own happiness? For a long time now I’ve been trying my best to help him out and even if I was sad each time he got closer to her, it calmed my heart to see him happy, which is why I was a little upset when I knew she was going to turn him down. Anyway, after what seemed like ages I’ve finally decided that it was right for him to fall in love with whoever he wanted to be with. It also made me realize that I didn’t want to be with someone who couldn’t love me back.”

“Kyouya, how does anything you’ve said help me?”

“Kaoru, I didn’t realize the gem beside me until I let go of Tamaki. So let go.”

“Kyouya, you’re fucking insane! You did all this just to ask me to let Hikaru go? What part of that helps me? I can’t even decide what’s worse. You forcing me to let go of Hikaru or you telling me that you’re deeply in love with Tamaki and then asking me out on a date. Do you even realize how much of a lunatic you sound like? I’m beginning to think it didn’t pain you at all and that you’re really enjoying all off this aren’t you?”

“I’m not, Kaoru and trust me when I say it doesn’t bring me any joy at all watching you in pain, watching you at the club as you looked longingly at Hikaru and planning to do this to you so that you could realize how wrong your obsession with Hikaru is! There’s no easy way to let go but this is the only way for me to make you realize that Hikaru has a chance of a happy normal life with Haruhi and you’re too selfish to realize it. I didn’t like myself when I was obsessed with Tamaki and I know the person I’m in love with now isn’t like the old me at all!”

“You’re right! I’m not you Kyouya and I’m not the kind of person who could let go so easily because I’m not as cold as you are!”

“I guess everybody does think that of me… don’t they?” Kyouya looked down at his feet. I could see him begin to shake slightly. At that point I didn’t know what to say. Deep down I knew he was right but I didn’t want to admit it. I was being selfish wanting Hikaru all to myself and hoping to be together with him was wrong. But I was angry at Kyouya because he had forced this upon me and also he had humiliated me by saying that he loved someone else whilst asking me on a date. “Why? Why doesn’t the want I want see me the way you do? Why did you have to be the person to love me?”

“Kaoru, I’m not lying when I say I love Tamaki and will always love him for being the person who taught me how to. But please trust me when I say I fell deeply in love with you because of your vigor, your gentleness and your devotion. That’s why all I want is the best for you. I could care less if you never wanted to speak to me again but you shouldn’t and can never be with your brother. And… somewhere inside you, you know that, don’t you?”


“Kyouya, why and how is it that you can see through everyone??” I couldn’t control it anymore. I no longer had the strength to block all the reality that I had been hiding from since the day I fell for Hikaru. Desperate for something to cling onto I threw my arms around Kyouya and the tears flowed. Everything came pouring out of me like a broken dam. I didn’t know exactly how much I had been keeping in till this happened and all I could do was to keep crying uncontrollably. Sobbing and asking out loud “Why? Why did I have to suffer this? Who made me like this?”

“No one controls fate and especially not who you fall in love with.” Kyouya wrapped his arms around me gently whilst patting my head, trying to comfort me and calm me. I could feel his tears drip onto the back of my neck as he too was crying softly.

“If we had a choice, we’d all never feel the pain as a result of falling in love but then, what’s the point of living?”

“I don’t want to feel anymore pain.”

“I know, no one likes it. But we learn from it.”
The gentle stroking of his hand and his gentle voice was slowly having an effect on me. My sobs soften and I felt more relieve now than I had ever been before. Perhaps a large part of it was because I didn’t know how to let it out and now that I did, it felt better and the problems seemed easier to deal with.

I pushed myself away from him slowly and wiped the tears from my eyes. He passed me his handkerchief. I accepted it gratefully and began cleaning up whatever trace of crying that was left. His eyes were red from his own little outburst as well. He gave me a gently smile and against the background of a setting sun by the lake, for the first time, I thought Kyouya looked beautiful. I returned his smile with a small one of my own.

”Kyouya, one other question. How did you know Haruhi was going to turn Tamaki down?”

“Because she asked him out and when that happened, it made sense that she made the bet so that she could give Hikaru a present without making it seemed too obvious.”

“Ah, I see. Seriously, you’re just too smart for your own good.”
Kyouya, blushed.
“One more thing, Kyouya, thank you.”, and although I knew not what came over me, when I finally realized it, my lips were upon his.

TBC