Blink

“Boys! Come to dinner!” Mother called. Tatsuha raced into the house, leaving the butterfly he had been chasing for the past twenty minutes. I gazed down once more at my garden, a smile on my face, then went to wash up.

I walked into the dinning room five minutes later, and was met by Mother’s cold stare. I swallowed and sat down beside Tatsuha, my eyes downcast under hers. Father said grace, and we ate. I tried very hard to pay complete and utter attention to the conversation around me, but soon came to realize Tatsuha and I were being ignored, and so allowed my mind to wonder some. But of course, the second I stop thinking about what everyone is saying, Mother tries to speak to me.

“Hm? What, Mother?” I asked, having heard her on what I hoped was the first time.

“I asked you how your garden is coming,” she said, irritation clear in her features.

“Oh. Well, the irises are doing well,” I said, knowing that was the only thing she really wanted to hear.

“Good,” she said, continuing to eat.

I didn’t say anything else, but stared around the table a little. I finally spoke again when Father prompted me to continue. “Um… The daisies were wonderful, but they’re dying now. Some of the snapdragons are nearly ready to bloom, and the baby’s breath is sprouting.” Father nodded approvingly, and I turned back to my food not expecting any other reaction, but saw a small smile on Tatsuha’s lips, telling me that I was doing a good job. I could always count on him to bring me up a little with his smile. What surprised me was when I heard Mika speak.

“It sounds lovely, Eiri. Could you take me out to see it after dinner?” I looked up at her and nodded. She flashed a smile at me, like she knew I felt bad, and I smiled back, going back to eating. I didn’t trust myself to think about other things, so I listened to what was said, not wanting Mother to get angry with me again.

After we had eaten and the dishes were done, it began to rain again. Mika promised to come out Sunday to look, and I complied. I lay awake that night, unable to sleep, even though the adults went to bed at a reasonable time. I was fidgeting, excited about my birthday the next morning. I rolled over at least a dozen times, until I heard voices from my bedroom. I listened carefully, curious to what they were talking about.

“Tohma, why did you tell me?” Mika asked fretfully.

“Because I’m as worried as you. Some of these aren’t healthy, and that’s exactly why you want to tell your parents,” he countered.

“But you never should have seen them. Does he even know?”

“Yes. I talked to him about them, and then he put it away.”

“So why did you get it back out?”

“To show you,” he hissed. “You’re worried about what it says, and so am I. But we can’t tell your parents.”

“Why not?!” Mika demanded, almost loud enough to wake Tatsuha.

“Because he told me not to say anything. I shouldn’t have even showed you, but I was worried and thought you should know.”

“He told you not to show me, and you did it anyway?! Tohma, what is the matter with you? If he trusted you enough to leave it in here, where you knew where it was, and where the key was, you shouldn’t have said anything.”

“I was just doing what I thought was best for him.”

“If he ever finds out, he’ll never trust you again! Tohma, Eiri is very sensitive about things like this. If he can’t trust you, he gets scared of you.”

“Mika, I was just-”

“Tohma, don’t fight this point with me. When we got here yesterday, didn’t you see how nervous he was? He didn’t loosen up until after you looked at the gardens.”

“Mika-”

“Because you liked his.”

“Mika, I-”

“Tohma, you have to understand. He was terrified for the first hour we were here. He didn’t know you, or if you could be trusted. I would almost bet that half the reason he’s so comfortable now is because we’re engaged, and now you’ve totally shattered that thin trust by showing me his book of private…writings. He’ll be crushed when he finds out, Tohma. And trust me, he will find out.”

My eyes were wide and brimming with tears, listening to my sisters’ words. She was mad at Tohma for showing her my book. She was right of course, all the trust I had put into him was gone, but I didn’t want her to be mad. Distrust was something I was used to. I had almost expected him to tell. Not quite, but if he hadn’t liked it all so much, I would have known he would.

The two of them continued to bicker, but I couldn’t hear them anymore, over the sudden ringing in my ears and my gasps for air as I started crying rather hard. I buried my face into my pillow to muffle the sobs and catch the tears until I fell asleep once more.~