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He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh	By : DarkFae Category: > Durarara!! (?????!! Dyurarara!!) Views: 3409 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: don't own durarara or anything about it. no casholas or profit from it either. just having fun!

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh

Chapter Six

Damage Control
Recommended Listening: “Chasing Sirens” – Orgy, “More Human Than Human” – White Zombie, “Philharmonic” – Zeromancer “Butterfly Wings” – Machines of Loving Grace. Another music reference, far more obscure if you can find it... ;)
(((Orihara Izaya)))
If I had to evaluate that evening in regards to Shizuo's reaction... it was quite mixed! I knew he'd be mad about hit out on him – as if I'd just leave my chat windows up carelessly! But that night started out with a bang – he had exceeded my expectations. I'd wondered how long it would take him to get in touch with his dominant side. I never would have guessed a guy like him could have been so submissive, even if he did go about things in a sort of forceful and awkward manner.
I laid back on the truck's roof and dialed Shinra.
“Hey, Izaya-kun!” he greeted. “What's up?”
“It's set up for Monday,” I told him. “Your buddy will be thoroughly thrashed.”
He laughed. “Somehow I doubt that!” He got serious. “Thank you, Izaya-kun. Really. He won't let me touch him, it's important I get this data on him... I don't mean to betray him or anything...”
I chuckled. “Don't apologize to me, Shinra-chan. I'll just help and make sure he never finds out that this time, it was you and not me.”
“What do you mean 'this time'?”
“I'm gonna make him stronger. Just you watch.”
“Your going to keep making him fight?!”
“Depending on how Monday goes. We'll see.”
“I can barely hear you over that wind, Izaya-kun, where are you?”
“Hm. Good question.” I stood just as the truck was slowing down at a stop light. I jumped off and looked around. “I'm still in Shinjuku, no worries. Hey, you should formally introduce me to this super strong friend of yours you're having me provoke. I think he'll be useful.”
“Don't mess with him, Izaya-kun...” Shinra warned. “I know you're good at dodging bullets, but Heiwajima-san is really strong – I mean REALLY strong...”
“Haha! No doubt!” As if I hadn't noticed... “Gotta jet! Catchya later!”
I grinned as I checked my inbox. All of Shizuo's status updates just said “FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!” I skipped I was so giddy. I love it when people fly off the handle! I love it, I love it, I love it!! Especially in a society where social niceties discourage such reactions. Shizuo was so intense! The guy could go from glacier to fireball in two seconds! How complex, how interesting, how... delightful!!
I sighed when I got back into my apartment and made another phone call. “Yes, maintenance? I'm going to need an estimate...”
***
The sakura had finally bloomed by Monday. I could hardly contain myself as I met up with Shinra for lunch at Raira. The plan went off without a hitch. Even though Shizuo was well aware of the situation, he showed up and preformed admirably. Shinra was in awe of the guy's strength as all twelve of my accomplices dropped. The whole school was watching, crammed against the windows of almost every floor. I clapped in praise, and he finally noticed me.
“This is a good friend of mine from middle-school, Orihara Izaya,” Shinra told Shizuo as he looked over with a glowering scowl. “Well … he's not that good of a person. Maybe I should say he's a horrible person!”
“You're so mean, Shinra-chan...” I sighed with a smile. Shinra may not know all the details about my twisted little self, but I guess he knew enough.
“Oh, no, I didn't mean it in a bad way!” Shinra laughed.
“I don't like him,” Shizuo interrupted. How interesting! He was leaving Shinra in the dark about us!
“Huh?” Shinra inquired, confused.
“Oh yeah?” I asked, feeling a smirk worm its way across my face. I couldn't help it! “That's too bad. I think I could have some fun with you...”
“Shut up.” He turned away. Ooh, he resented me so badly!
“Don't say that, Shizu-chan,” I scolded. He snapped. So predictable – I knew calling him that would press a button. The chan honorific always pissed him off a bit, but now it was just insulting to him I suppose. The fist was aimed for my face, but I was already moving out of the way. That poor bench, all smashed to pieces. Shizuo should have known I was too fast for him. By the time he'd spotted me I was already behind him. He turned and I slashed him right across the chest with my blade. The shock on his face was almost as priceless as the AV room incident. Perhaps he was surprised that I had actually drawn blood on him.
“See? This is fun, isn't it?”
Shizuo struggled for words – I watched carefully. What was running rampant in his mind? What would his next move be as a result? Possibilities swirled about; just which one would manifest?
Shizuo screamed something unintelligible and charged at me. Oh how typical. I bolted. He followed, like a dog chasing an animal far too fast for it. He looked just as dumb too, all worked up and ready to kill. It was the only thing I hated about him – how stupid he could be sometimes, even though he was relatively smart.
He chased me right off of school grounds, abandoning his classes for the day it seemed. He kept it up half way to West Gate Park, right where the highway exit came off. The truck was just dumb luck. He went flying across the street and landed hard on the pavement. Perfect...
The driver jumped out, all concerned. “Hey, are you alright?!”
“He's fine! He's built strong,” I assured.
“Are... are you sure he's okay?”
I pulled out my wallet and took out a few big bills, hopefully enough to discourage him from calling an ambulance or the authorities. “He's fine, he's fine!” I repeated. “Nice work.” I glanced over at Shizuo. Come on... get up... get up you oaf! I didn't orchestrate this so you could roll over and take it from a goddamn truck!
As soon as it was apparent that he could make it to the sidewalk, I decided it was time to take off. Couldn't have him pushing himself too hard now – if I was right, he'd chase me until his body was mush if he could. And I needed him in one piece.
“Woo-hoo! Alright! Somebody sent me a text message!” Foamy's voice cheered sarcastically from my phone.
From: Dotachin 2:17pm

Get the fuck outta dodge.

<house on fire>
To: Dotachin 2:17pm

Why?

<I <3 HUMANS!>

-SEND-
From: Dotachin 2:18pm

Someone in the Blue Squares is really mad at you. They know where you are.

<house on fire>
To: Dotachin 2:18pm

Thx

<I <3 HUMANS!>

-SEND-
I glanced over my shoulder. I'd been so focused on Shizuo, that I hadn't noticed that I had been followed. I smiled. No one could ever say that I'm not prepared for just about anything. I made a show of relaxing my gate and strolled around aimlessly for a bit, seeing if they would just lose interest if I hung around populated areas. No go. They kept at it for two freaking hours. I made sure that they were clueless as to the fact that I was aware of their presence.
I swung by that Russian sushi place for some take-out and decided to stop screwing around. I could take just about anybody in the Blue Squares. So I wandered into an alleyway and paused, waiting for them to come out of the woodwork.
“Are you guys gonna cut the crap and mug me or not?” I called out.
They hesitated, then six of them surrounded me. “Don't take us for fools, Orihara-jukeisha*.”
“Oh? Then what synonym should I use? Idiots? Dolts? Drones, pawns, lackies?”
One of them got angry. “You little high school snot!” He took a swing with a baseball bat at my head. So much for explanations.
“Woops!” I laughed as I twisted out of the way. He tripped before the swing was complete, as his pants were suddenly around his ankles. “Uncle! I call uncle! Please don't hurt me, oh pretty please!”
“He's fucking with us!”
“Mess him up!”
I suppose it was one of the few times I'd been caught off guard in my life. Ah well, we all make mistakes once in a while.
The remaining five were easy to run circles around. I'd gotten too close to the road though, and should have noticed the guy I pantsed was on his cell. Never saw the black car until it had knocked me clear across the street. I skidded in the gravel and landed upsidown against a guardrail.
“Don't fuck with us, Orihara*!” I heard as they squealed off.
“Ow...” I muttered, sitting up and taking stock of the damage. My left hand and arm was all scraped up with dirt and rocks decorating the abrasions painfully. I felt blood on my face and spit some dirt and more blood out of my mouth, the wound on my lip from Shizuo the other day now reopened and bleeding freely. Still had all my teeth, good good. I'd never forgive them if they had marred my pretty face irreversibly. I stood and found my ankle was a little weak. Eh. No big deal I guess.
Until I took off my jacket. It was shredded.
“Aw, MAN!”
String pulling time. But first... a trip to see Shinra. He'd learned all sorts of doctory tricks from his dad, and was already taking online college courses towards his medical degree. And it wouldn't have been the first time he'd patched me up in a fix.
He was surprised to see me, and though it was impossible to read any expression underneath the motorcycle helmet, the black biker he was living with seemed a little taken aback as well.
“Izaya-kun! What happened?!” Shinra demanded, trying to help me to the couch. “Did Shizuo-kun catch you?!”
I waved him off and limped there myself. “He wishes! Let's just say... I fell down some stairs.”
The biker's smartphone was in my face. That's the stupidest excuse ever, it read from a wordpad app.
“Isn't it, though?” I laughed. I threw my take-out on the table. “Do you like fatty tuna, Shinra-chan?”
“How can you think of food now?” he chuckled, spreading his first aid tools out and pulling on some rubber gloves. “Somehow I think it's safer for me not to know about these terribly dangerous 'stairs.'”
“Well put,” I told him. “Ow. Ow. Ow, that smarts.”
Shinra tweezed out a large piece of gravel imbedded below my elbow. “Hold still.”
I looked over to the biker, plans forming in my head. “Is it true you're headless?”
Tap-tap-type. What's it to you?
“Oh, just rumors. Here in Ikebukuro, people talk is all.”
Shinra's told me all about you. What do you want?
I laughed. “Oh has he? Ow. Say, do you do deliveries?”
What kind of deliveries?
“The kind that pay well.” If the biker had visible eyes, he would have been glaring, I could feel it, but also considering. “Think on it, eh? We'll stay in touch, I'm sure. So Shinra-chan, did you get the data you needed today?”
“Did I?!” he gushed happily. “Wow! I knew Shizuo-kun was strong, but not THAT strong! And you want to make him stronger?! Oh wow, I can't even imagine... but aren't you afraid he's just going to mess his body up even more?”
“I don't think that's going to be an issue anymore.”
“Huh?”
“He didn't get hurt today in the soccer field, did he?”
Shinra paused in his tweezing and thought. “Huh. You're right. Why is that? What did you do?”
“Here's a crackpot theory for you and your medicinal mind. You say his rage is out of control, and whenever he's provoked to the point of physical action, he injures himself, yes?”
“That's been the pattern.”
“His rage has had nowhere to go but inward. He just lashes out with that power whenever it damn well feels like it. There was no direction to it, no will, no driving factor. Set a fire in the woods and watch it consume everything in its path.”
“Are you saying he's found something to channel his anger into?”
“Focus a fire and have control over it,” I said evilly. Oh I love it when a plan comes together this nicely...
There was a crash and a terrible sound – like steel being bent and torn. “IIIIIZAAAAAAYAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Oh, speak of the devil!” I said with a grin. More fireworks! How wonderful!
The biker went to placate him, but to no avail. Shinra poked his head out. “Oh! Hey, what a coincidence! Izaya-kun is here too!” Shizuo ignored him and stormed in, steel door over his head, ready to throw at my face. The biker seemed concerned for our safety at this point, and I wasn't surprised. With the look in Shizuo's eyes, I would have been concerned too if I didn't know exactly how this situation was going to end up. Shinra was also unconcerned – his confidence in his friend not hurting him in one of his fits of rage was strong, if only mildly naïve. He went back to pulling out dirt and tiny rocks out of my fingers, wiping down each bloody crater they left with an stinging alcohol pad. It didn't bother me – I was only too pleased that Shizuo was here.
“Say, why aren't you injured?” I asked him casually.
His face went slack for a second – it hadn't even occurred to him that he was perfectly fine, even after being hit by a truck going forty! But no, no thanks for me. He was just too angry.
“I'LL KILL YOU!” He raged, trying to get around the biker. “I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!!!”
“Are you hurt, Shizuo-kun?” Shinra asked him.
“NO! GET OUT OF MY WAY, I'M GOING TO TEAR HIM TO PIECES!!!”
The biker thrust the smartphone in his face. I'm not sure what text was presented to him, but Shizuo scrunched his face and just thew the door aside, turned around the stormed right back out. The biker followed.
“How convenient,” I noted.
“She's good like that,” Shinra said with a shrug.
“That's a chick?”
“And I'm so gonna marry her someday!”
“But... the head thing...?”
“It's true!”
I laughed. “Wow, I thought you were weird, Shinra-chan, but that's just out in left field right there. Yep. I've got you figured out now.”
“You and your obsession with the human reaction...”
“I like to call it a 'hobby' …OW! Okay, that more than smarts...”
Shinra frowned as he bent my pinky again. I laughed and cringed at the same time – pain was almost like getting tickled. “Oh, oh, oooh! It's broken, isn't it?”
“My guess, hairline fracture, though there's no way to be sure without an X-ray...”
“You don't have one of those lying around here, do you?”
“This isn't a hospital, Izaya-kun, this is my living room!”
I sighed. “Do you have to set it?”
“Not for something this minor.” He taped my two fingers together and put my wrist in a brace. “No typing or strenuous use of it for six weeks. Keep your cuts clean – only a few really needed steristrips. As for your foot, stay off of it for a few days, alternate cold and hot compress then take it easy.” He handed me a bottle of pills. “Please don't sell them.”
“No typing?! Six weeks?! Shinra-chan, you're kidding! How will I work?!”
“Take a vacation and do what normal teenagers do.”
“What's that?”
“Oh you know... schoolwork?”
“Why when the teachers are in my pocket?” I laughed. “I already know everything they could teach me! Why do you think I'm home-schooled?”
Shinra shook his head. “You've been this way for as long as I can remember...” he sighed. “Well, I'm glad you've cured Shizuo-kun, even though you've made a mortal enemy out of him in the process. I can't guarantee your safety here all the time, though.”
“That's okay!” I said, standing up and testing my bandaged ankle.
“Izaya.”
“Hm?”
Shinra looked really serious all the sudden. “What did you do to make Shizuo so angry?”
Out of the blue, I decided I wanted to test Shinra's reactions. I'd already given him a thorough manipulative work out in middle-school, to which he was able to see the genius of and appreciate later, but I had yet to test his adult psychological reflexes. I grabbed his cuff with my good hand and lifted him. I wasn't that physically strong, but Shinra was a small dude, and it was easy enough to get him a few inches off of the floor.
As expected, his expression reflected confusion and surprise. “Wh...Izaya-kun?!”
I brought him close to my face. “What if I did the same to you, Shinra?” I asked huskily. “Would it surprise you to think that something like that could be so intense?” I threw him on the couch and jumped on him, grinning in delight. “What are you thinking? Hm? HM?”
The only thing I didn't expect in his mix of emotion was the tinge of fear. He really thought I was going to rape him! I guess it was a valid fear – Shinra was one of the few folks I could legitimately win an arm wrestling contest against without cheating, so the fear of being overpowered was justified. He just stared at me, dumbfounded.
I giggled. “Oh Shinra-chan, you're such a nerd! Why would I be so rude as to force myself on you after you've done me a favor? You're too valuable to violate! That is, unless you can't rape the willing...”
“N-no, I … I'm good...” he stammered.
“You're so predictable,” I said as I jumped off the back of the couch and headed towards the door. “See you later!”
As for Shizuo...
Let the games begin...
*The assaulters using -jukeisha/no suffix are implying that Izaya is guilty of a crime.

A/N:I always wondered what Izaya had done to get roughed up enough to be at Shinra's place when Shizuo tracks him down to throttle... ...

**end chapter six**

**Preview Chapter Seven: The Biggest Douchebag in the History of Mankind**

I hopped down and slithered behind him, pressing the edge of my flickblade against the small of his back and touching my lips to his ear. He stiffened instantly. “I haven't forgotten, and I know damn well you haven't. I'm here because there is something I don't know, and we can't have that.”
Shizuo tried to make some kind of snide comment, but I started tracing tiny circles on his spine with my blade, which quieted him. Still a sucker for edgeplay. He only swallowed, clenching and unclenching his fists in an erotically recognizable manner.
“Does it have to do with these snazzy outfits you've been wearing lately?” I whispered, starting to nibble his ear, which had gotten quite warm as the blood rushed to his face. Out of anger or lust? I had to wonder; this was Shizu-chan after all, and he wasn't so easy to pin when it came to human reaction, despite his predictability. Come on.... come on... take a swing at me … this has to be really pissing you off.... “They do look good on you, by the way. But I have to wonder... what would you promise in order to elevate this crappy job over your hatred for me?? And to whom?”
“If I tell you, will you leave me alone?” Shizuo asked softly.
“For a period of time that reflects your answer...” I agreed, running my other hand under his shirt. I felt his heart pounding, his breath quicken and goosebumps erupt across his skin.
“Knock it off, I'm trying to think!” he hissed, trying to shrug me off.
I pressed the blade a little more firmly into his back and he stopped struggling. “Multitask then,” I cooed, coaxing his nipples to stand on end. He broke out into a slight sweat; the feeling of it, the smell of it... like an aphrodisiac! It was a real thrill to know that I still had such a dramatic effect on him. He certainly still held sway over me. In a physical sense anyway, as my genitals would remind me... “Tell me...”
- 5
- 6
- 7
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He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh