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Learning to Land	By : Suteishichic Category: Prince of Tennis/Tennis no Ohjisama > General Views: 11419 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis (Tennis no Ohjisama), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Learning to Land. Chapter Sixty One ~Fuji Yuuta~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, Incest, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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Yuuta whispered back, "Kiss me Aniki..."

His brother did.

It wasn't like any kiss Yuuta ever experienced before. His brother had full lips that were both soft and hard at the same time. Yuuta tasted his Aniki's blood as his brother parted his lips with his tongue and french kissed him. Yuuta had seen enough movies to know what it was and he was surprised it wasn't as gross as he thought it would be. In fact, it was kind of good so Yuuta moved his tongue back and forth so his Aniki wouldn't stop.

Yuuta figured this was probably how his brother and Saeki kissed. How adults kissed for real. He realized he didn't have his arms around his brother, so Yuuta slid them around his brother's slim body, remembering he was hurt and was surprised when his brother made this sigh sort of softly. He remembered it was like Syusuke did before, so he must have liked Yuuta touching him earlier. In those places.

Yuuta touched his hand down the front of his brother's pajama bottoms, curious to see if he was hard again. Yuuta had gotten an erection a few times before. One time it had lasted a very long time and didn't go away and in desperation, he rubbed it in the bathtub like he had seen guys gesturing in school. His brother had earlier explained about coming and all that, but Yuuta hadn't ever done anything as scary as come. His brother told him he hadn't either when he told Yuuta everything about sex earlier. Syusuke said they wouldn't until they were about ten or eleven, which was a relief to Yuuta because what did happen that time in the bathtub is when Yuuta kept rubbing it hoping it would go away, suddenly it felt like the time he was waiting for his mom in a clothing store and because he was bored, he stuck a pin into an open electric socket. There was a similar kind of sudden shock and his body shook and it felt powerful and frightening all at once. Yuuta hadn't rubbed it again since. No matter how hard it got.

Syusuke was hard. Yuuta could feel it with his hand. They used to be about the same size he remembered but now his brother was bigger. But he was older after all. Yuuta touched his Aniki's how he did earlier and his brother softly sighed in almost a purr. Yuuta moved his hand and felt his brother's skin gently with his fingers. He didn't want to shock his brother, but at his touch, his Aniki whimpered softly and heatedly asked, "Yuuta, you do this? To yourself? You know how?"

Yuuta felt both curious and excited in a strange way. He felt himself getting hard and lied because he didn't want to stop doing what they were doing, "Of course. All the time." Yuuta then ordered to cover up his lie, "Show me what you like to do Aniki. Let me make you feel good." Yuuta left off the show me how Saeki does this part because he didn't want his brother thinking about him. Yuuta put his lips back against his brother's and kissed Syusuke wet and with his tongue just like his brother had kissed him. He saw his brother still looked unsure, so Yuuta pulled back from the kiss and said, "I love you Aniki."

That seemed to be all it took for Syusuke's hesitation to disappear. His Aniki seemed to want to hear that more than anything in the world. Syusuke whimpered a noise and kissed Yuuta back. His slid his hand shockingly down the front of Yuuta's pants and around Yuuta's own erection. "I like it like this..." His brother touched him soft and the bottom and then harder at the top when he got to the tip. He rolled Yuuta's foreskin gently back and forth as he moved his hand up and down. It felt surprisingly good. Yuuta didn't remember it feeling this good when he did it himself and he heard himself moan. It felt even better than that one time in the bathtub. It felt better than anything. And not scary at all. He didn't want his brother to stop.

Yuuta realized he wasn't yet doing it back to his Aniki and thought to himself he had better start or his brother would know he had lied. He wanted to do it exactly back, but his brother's was all scratched up he remembered. Syusuke's had that anti-biotic gel on it still. Yuuta tried to move his hand lightly up and down the same way. At Yuuta's touch, his brother purred in his mouth while kissing him. Then his genius brother pulled back with a smile, "You don't do it harder...?" His brother smiled like he caught Yuuta lying.

But for once it was only half a lie. Yuuta explained, "No...I...you were all scratched up...earlier. I don't want to hurt you Aniki."

Syusuke looked very surprised. Then he kissed Yuuta hard and hugged him tight with his free arm. "You won't hurt me Yuuta. You would never hurt me. Here, know what feels even better?" His Aniki eased Yuuta's pajama bottoms down before pulling his own down too. "Touch them together while we do this. It's not gross." His Aniki kissed him and he felt his brother's hard, hot, skin touching his own. Yuuta moaned in his brother's mouth, surprised at how good it felt. "Yuuta shh...we have to be quiet. I told you it feels better." His brother said softly with a small giggle and then covered his mouth with another kiss with his Aniki's lips and tongue.

The greasy gel on his Aniki felt good rubbed between them. His Aniki's mouth felt good. His brother's body felt good against his. His brother's hand felt good stroking him. His brother's hot erection felt very good rubbing up against his. Yuuta found he was breathing hard, and so was his Aniki as if they were running in a tennis game for hours instead of laying in bed kissing and just moving their hands. "Yuuta," his brother said softly between kissing him over and over again, "I love you. I love you so much..."

"Aniki..." Yuuta tried to say but it came out in a moan. From far away, Yuuta felt like it was the first time he saw his brother. Really saw him. Somehow, Syusuke had become a completely different person. He went from being Yuuta's main and hated competition, to something, someone...beloved. Yuuta found himself saying and meaning every word for the first time in his life, "Aniki, I love you." The overwhelming emotion gave way to something else, that shock of electricity, but better than anything ever before had felt or seemed. Yuuta's entire body bucked and shuddered and he heard his brother say his name as his Aniki's body started doing the same thing. Each shuddering fit had Yuuta making animal noises, similar to their father he realized, and the more he tried to hold it in, the more it kept going and going.

Finally it stopped and they both lay there panting for air. Yuuta felt both wonderful and scared, but not alone. He felt like he was no longer alone, and because of that, for the first time he thought of his brother before himself. Yuuta had always believed everyone put his beautiful and brilliant first, but to Yuuta it suddenly seemed that his Aniki was the one who might really need someone to care about him. Yuuta asked softly, worried, "Aniki? Syusuke? Are you...all right?" Is everything okay? Is it going to be all right? Did I do it right? Do you like me? Do you still love me Aniki? Yuuta asked silently to himself, fearing the worst.

His brother smiled slightly and kissed him in a soft, long press of just their lips. "Hello," his Aniki said when he pulled away and smiled more, apparently pleased with his own little joke.

Yuuta rolled his eyes but found he couldn't hold back a small smile of his own, "Hi Aniki." Everything was so familiar and yet, now so strange.

His Aniki looked at him for a long moment and then kissed him again. He looked like he was going to say something. Maybe he would warn Yuuta to never tell anyone again, and then Syusuke must have decided it would make Yuuta mad--which it would have. Instead his brother surprisingly said, "I love you."

Yuuta remembered while they were shaking and Yuuta was making stupid animal grunts, his brother had whispered another name besides his own. Kojirou... It made Yuuta mad and he knew he had work to do to make his brother love him back. Yuuta said back, knowing it would shock his brother, "I love you too Aniki."

His brother smiled and looked genuinely happy.

At his Aniki's suggestion, they took off their pajama shirts and pulled their pants up. Even though they were hot and a little sweaty, they held each other close. Though Yuuta was always before trying to get away from his brother, he had to admit that being this close together felt nice. Safe and comforting and they chatted about nothing as if feeling the need to stay connected and act sort of normal even with these large changes. Yuuta talked softly to his brother about how glad he was that they would be missing school. He thought to himself he wanted to do that again with his brother soon, very soon. Lots and lots more too. Maybe they could even do it again when no one else was home tomorrow. When he suggested it, his Aniki smiled though half awake.

Yuuta watched him sleep for as long as he could. He wanted to protect his brother and vowed to help him and make Syusuke love him at the same time.

They actually touched each other several times over the next few days and Yuuta enjoyed each time more and more, though his brother still annoyingly whispered Saeki's given name at the end every time. Yuuta worked on his Aniki, and after a couple of weeks of their touching and no progress, he came up with a plan to get in between his Aniki and Saeki.

Yuuta told his Aniki he wanted to be included the next time he and Saeki fooled around.

A week passed. A week filled with both he and his brother touching nightly and Yuuta begging constantly. Finally, Syusuke agreed to ask Saeki if Yuuta could join them, but promised nothing. He said, if Saeki agreed then Yuuta could be included next time. Yuuta felt this was the worst possible outcome because there was no way his competition would agree, but to his surprise a few nights later, his brother came into his room and asked if he could sleep there. Yuuta readily agreed. They had been doing it almost every night.

They touched and kissed again as soon as they laid down, and after it was over, while they were both holding each other close and cooling down, his brother told him Saeki agreed. They could both sleep over Saeki's house on Saturday night if Yuuta wanted to.

Yuuta was ecstatic and agreed although his brother seemed less than happy. Almost as if his brother was disappointed that Saeki actually greed. Yuuta pointed out that maybe Saeki agreed because he wanted Syusuke to be happy. This seemed to cheer his Aniki up enough that the usual jealousy Yuuta felt whenever Saeki was mentioned stung just as as bad.

And when that Saturday came, Yuuta excitedly and jealously went off to win his brother's heart only to realize he didn't have as much of a fight as he had thought. He clearly saw Saeki liked his brother, really liked his Aniki. Probably as a good or even best friend, but by some miracle, Saeki was not in love with his Aniki. He amazingly and stupidly did not love his brother, not like Yuuta loved him. In fact, Saeki was the first one to touch Yuuta and he insisted Yuuta be in the middle of them. Saeki said that he wanted to make Yuuta feel comfortable and welcome, but even Yuuta could see, Saeki wanted space. His Aniki was all over Saeki and Yuuta could clearly see the hurt bloom in his brother's eyes and the blush on his cheeks as his brother realized what Saeki was doing too.

Saeki touched Yuuta more than he did his Aniki, almost to the point where his brother was left out. Seeing this, thrilled, Yuuta touched and kissed his Aniki possessively. Only when Saeki was nearly left out did his brother's friend start to respond and play more, but again, he reached more for Yuuta, not his Aniki.

All in all though it was fun, and over the next couple of years they got together to do this lots of times until Saeki and his family moved away. They didn't move far, just to the next suburb, but it was too far for a young boy, even a genius boy, to get to on his own. Syusuke and Saeki called and saw each other less and less as time passed, though they did keep in touch. Just never as much as Syusuke would have liked.

Yuuta was there to comfort his brother when Saeki moved away. And the first time Saeki didn't call nightly as he had been, Yuuta was there to cheer his brother up and make him feel good. He was there for his Aniki again when he learned Saeki had a girlfriend. And later when they heard about a new best guy friend Saeki had who both Yuuta and his Aniki silently suspected of being more.

Finally, his Aniki confronted the person he loved. But Saeki told Syusuke he didn't feel that way back about him but he loved him as a friend--or a brother but nothing more. His brother's friend even told Syusuke there was someone else he had strong feelings for. His Aniki had been devastated. He even cried on the phone and when he cried, Saeki asked Syusuke to let him go. He said he wanted Syusuke to find someone else and be happy.

Yuuta had been there for his brother after that too. He has always been there for him. He has alway loved his brother. He hadn't always liked his brother, but Yuuta deeply loved him. As a friend, as a brother, and as even more. Always.

The problem of course was that his brother just never loved him back. Like Saeki, he loved Yuuta, but just not in that way. Yuuta tried to make his brother love him. He really tried whenever Yuuta wasn't furious at him for Syusuke breaking his heart constantly. It hurt. His brother would date girls and guys and still Yuuta was always there for him whenever those small relationships were over. The moment they ended, Yuuta would go back to his brother and beg and kiss until his brother let him back into his arms again. A thousand times his brother told him they had to stop and a thousand and one times Yuuta had worked his way back.

Sometimes it was Yuuta comforting his brother after their father hurt him that helped. Yuuta had been occasionally desperate enough to know this was the only way to reach his brother, and he took it. He even sometimes made love to his brother when he wasn't hurting. At least he did until his brother got that glazed over look in his eyes that meant he was no longer there. Still when his brother came back to his senses he would kiss Yuuta and say he hoped he enjoyed himself. He would tell Yuuta he loved him.

But his brother loved him passively, and what Yuuta wanted was for his brother to be actively love him. He wanted his brother to love him he way he had loved Saeki. Yuuta wanted his Aniki to be in love with him.

Yuuta wanted his brother to make love to him more than anything in the world. Every time Yuuta had tried though, tried to even just talk about it, his brother would strongly object. Yuuta started to push more and more and things got worse and worse. It was around this time that their father announced he had a new job starting that would mean he would live and work overseas. Both the Fuji brothers were overjoyed at the news, but Yuuta was a bit worried. Without the constant looming threat of their father bonding them so closely, would his brother leave him?

Their father also told their family that before his new job began, because of his generous bonus and so he wouldn't miss them while he was away, he was taking the family on a nice, long vacation to America.

Yuuta's heart turned to ice before his Aniki had fixated his large deep blue eyes on him. The Fuji brothers knew what this meant while their mother beamed in pride and their sister looked excited about the trip. They knew what their bastard father wanted to get as much pleasure out of his Aniki as possible before going away.

Yuuta was determined to put a stop to it. They were older now. Yuuta had more control and strength and so did his Aniki, but nothing Yuuta tried to stop the trip worked. In desperation and unable to find any other way out of the trip, Yuuta was the one who returned the application to the tennis invitational camp that went on during the same time as the vacation. He was the one who sent in the check forged with their mother's signature to pay for the camp. The expensive invitational camp fees were non-refundable and while Yuuta knew his mother would get into serious trouble for her oversight, he figured what she suffered from his father's rage was far less than what their father had planned for his Aniki. In a way, he figured she deserved it.

Yuuta also knew who their father might choose to replace his brother. He didn't want to go, but faced with the choice of him or his brother being hurt, Yuuta was happy to take his Aniki's place. He vowed he would fight back and make it impossible for their father. Anything to keep his Aniki safe. Yuuta would suffer any hardship and face any difficulty to protect Syusuke. Yuuta even faced his fears that his brother could fall in love with someone new or have sex with someone else while at camp. Saeki might even be there, but Yuuta figured he had time on his side. Time and his brother's heart. Syusuke had fallen in like or love with other people before and time after time Yuuta had been able to get close to his brother again when those relationships went down the drain. Yuuta would again.

Or so he thought.

The night before Syusuke left on his trip and they left for America, Yuuta begged his brother to make love to him again. Just in case their father tried something, and he wasn't strong enough to fight him off, Yuuta wanted his brother to be his first. He even argued he needed to know what to do so he wasn't hurt. His brother constantly refused to go to the camp. It had been a struggle for him to even make Syusuke to go, and in the end his Aniki only did when Yuuta admitted he sent the application and check in because he loved him.

As for sex his brother finally...well he didn't exactly agree, he just sort of went passive like he did when Yuuta made love to him, and things went all right for a few moments. Yuuta was on top and had just eased a small part of his brother painfully inside him. His brother had continued to grow over the years to the point of being large. Even bigger than other guys their age and his Aniki was most likely still growing. Yuuta took just his Aniki's large tip inside himself and not even all of that. His Aniki took after their father in that way that for some reason other guys envied, which seemed really stupid to Yuuta because right then, that large size just hurt like hell. He felt nothing but pain and thought he might be ripped open. Tears fell from his eyes. Yuuta made a small noise of pain and jokingly asked his brother out loud how he ever was able to bear this. His brother made no sound, and when Yuuta looked into his brother's eyes they were glazed over. His brother was gone.

Annoyed, Yuuta pulled himself painfully off and tried to bring his brother back to him.

That was when he realized his brother was not breathing.

Not at all.

Syusuke lay there not moving or breathing like a stone. Like a dead person. Yuuta shook him by the shoulders in a panic until his brother finally gasped for breath. His brother gulped air, coughed a few times, and then kissed Yuuta.

Yuuta cried in fear and pain while his brother held him and kissed him. They just kissed for a long time until eventually Yuuta tried again. It happened three times where he just got a little on his brother when his Aniki stopped breathing. The third time Yuuta finally gave up. They ended up just kissing and holding each other through the entire night. Yuuta's last image of his brother was him tearfully smiling at him as he left the car to head to the camp registration table. Yuuta, his sister, and his parents went straight to the airport for their trip.

The trip was a nightmare. Worst than Yuuta ever thought it could be.

And the Syusuke that returned to Yuuta after the camp was a shell of himself.

Yuuta was shocked. He had never expected anything like this to happen. He felt terribly responsible because he was the one who made Syusuke go on the trip in the first place. It was like his Aniki went permanently into that glazed over state. He couldn't even get out of bed, and he cried constantly. Even when Yuuta held him, his brother sobbed until he fell back asleep. Yuuta could barely tell his Aniki how horrible his own trip had been or any of the terrible things their father had done to him, because his brother seemed like at any moment, he would shatter and be lost for good. Yuuta tried to just get the story of what happened from his brother.

Over time, his brother was able to tell him what had happened. The girl. The bastard guy.

Yuuta expected this to be just another failed relationship, but this time things were different. This time, his brother just could not seem to get over the guy no matter what Yuuta did or said to him.

Yuuta at first was infuriated. He did all this to help his brother who he felt didn't love or appreciate him. He suffered just like his brother did--more maybe even because Yuuta put himself in danger knowing what might happen. And it did. And it was terrible.

And his brother who had promised over and over that he would protect Yuuta never did come in and save him from their father. Yuuta didn't even know he held out that small hope until he was being held down and his brother never heroically kicked down the door to rescue him. That hurt almost as much as what their father did.

In fury, for a few days, Yuuta even stopped talking to his Aniki hoping that would force some sense to him. Shock some life back into him, especially now that Yuuta needed him.

But it didn't. If anything, it made things worse.

His Aniki tried to kill himself. His Aniki tried to abandon and leave Yuuta when Yuuta needed him most.

Oh, they said it was a mistake. His brother accidentally took some of Yuuta's old left over penicillin pills, but Yuuta knew better. A genius didn't take penicillin when he knew he was allergic. When Yuuta finally saw his brother after the "accident" and demanded to know why, all Syusuke kept saying over and over again was how sorry he was. How sorry. How guilt ridden. That his Aniki simply could not take everything anymore. Yuuta knew his brother could not go on like this. His Aniki simply would find another way to off himself, and the next time he tried, the genius would succeed. He would leave Yuuta forever unless something was done.

Yuuta's anger evaporated in the face of his overwhelming sorrow and need to bring his brother back to him, but nothing he did worked. Finally, in near despair, refusing to give up, Yuuta tricked and guilted his brother into going to a tennis match with him. Just to get his Aniki out into the sun, just to see him care about something, and just to spend time with him because Yuuta feared these might be the last days they had together otherwise. He was desperate just to get his brother to leave his bedroom. Just to get him to leave his bed.

Just getting there was almost too much for Syusuke. Yuuta had to help him shower and dress. He had to guide him like a small child on the train to get there. His Aniki had a dead and hollow look in his eyes as if he was already dead, until the moment they saw Tezuka Kunimitsu play.

It was as if a magical spell or curse was broken and his brother was free again. Instead of looking shadowed and passive, his brother's eyes suddenly looked feverish and excited and all he seemed capable of talking about was Tezuka.

Instead of bringing them closer together, things for Yuuta went downhill from there. Yes, he wanted his brother alive and happy, of course, but his brother in an hour went from being a dead bedridden mess to an unusually fierce and highly driver version of himself. Within days his Aniki found a way to leave their current school as soon as possible and switch to Seigaku to be closer to Tezuka. His Aniki was leaving Yuuta now for Tezuka.

Syusuke somehow doubled his classes and club activities for a time, even suddenly again playing tennis hard again although the exertions and strains he had after all those weeks of lying lax must have been agony. His brother never complained. The pain seemed to make him more determined. His Aniki became more resolved to get to Seigaku and close to Tezuka faster and more than ever.

Yuuta also decided he would attend Seigaku. Naturally, he would be there when Tezuka rejected his brother's advances or when things fell apart as usual.

His brother, like he always did when he had a crush on someone, pulled away from Yuuta. He told Yuuta it was wrong, they were brothers, they shouldn't do things like that, and that Yuuta should find someone to make him happy. His brother even started locking his door at night to keep Yuuta out. That was new. Yuuta, like Syusuke years before, nightly picked the lock just to be close to his brother. He would sleep with his Aniki, just to touch and smell him, and find in the morning, his brother was either gone or had moved to sleep on his bare floor--away from Yuuta.

Not long after starting at Seigaku, things quickly came to a head and Yuuta broke. He had been approached and talked into transferring to St. Rudolph's by Mizuki. He had missed playing tennis and as was becoming his habit, Yuuta practiced at a private club where he could not witness his brilliant and bewitching brother pathetically mooning over the stoic and austere Vice-Captain day after day after day. He had only a few days left before leaving for school, and suggested to his brother that they make the best of their time together. Maybe play some tennis. Maybe his brother, for once, could miss his damn tennis club and spend some time with him. Syusuke resisted, again.

And yet, his brother at the same time did not want him to leave. His Aniki begged him to stay. He even volunteered to move with Yuuta and live with him. He cried terribly before Yuuta left as if Yuuta would never see him again. As if his brother was drowning and only Yuuta could save him. In a last ditch attempt, Yuuta gave his brother an ultimatum. Make love to me and I will stay or we can go. Whatever his Aniki wanted to do, Yuuta would, but first after all these years, he wanted, no actually needed his brother to physically love him.

Something inside him felt broken since their father did those things to him, and his brother had barely touched him. Yuuta felt dirty, and he had a feeling that the only person who could make him feel clean again was his brother. Who cried that he loved him while pushing Yuuta away. His brother begged him not to leave, but to choose anything but that. Yuuta would not give in. He felt it was the least his brother owed him, and told him so. His brother even suggested they both die together and that he could prove he loved Yuuta that way.

Upset Yuuta refused of course. Things were bad but dying wouldn't help anything.

Yuuta worried that his brother would hurt himself or worse when he left. He really worried about it, and again considered staying, but he knew in his heart he had to leave. He was driving himself insane living in this madhouse even if it was to be close to his brother who loved another guy he barely knew. He made his brother promise to not hurt himself or kill himself only by telling his brother he would never forgive him, threatening to expose everything if his brother even tried again, and at one point he even threatened that if his brother even accidentally died, even hit by a car, Yuuta would take action. He even vowed in desperation to his brother that he would kill their family while they slept if even an accident happened. Syusuke broke down sobbing then and Yuuta knew he was right. His brother had planned on doing something like that when Yuuta left. Maybe not at first, but his brother had something in his mind along those lines, and Yuuta just removed that option from his brother's schemes.

His brother sobbed in his arms and Yuuta cried with him. "Aniki, you're just going to have to live. Just like I am. We're just going to have to live our lives. We're going to have to find a way to be happy."

Yuuta of course meant together, but he realized his brother did not again when he started saying in between sobs about how dirty he was. His brother wondered aloud how anyone could ever love him if they knew what had happened, and how dirty he was. Yuuta was furious and in agony all at once. It was the same thing he had wondered over and over again, "Aniki!" He hissed, "Are you saying that I'm dirty? Is that why you won't touch me? Won't kiss me? Because he did it to me too? Is that why you don't love me?" Yuuta was sobbing as hard as his brother by then.

It was the most natural thing in the world for them to hold each other closer. For them to both cry and tell each other over and over again that they loved each other. For their lips to meet. For their tongues to meet. For their hands to caress everywhere. For their naked skin to be against each other. For Yuuta to not know where he stopped and where his brother started. Instead this time, like he had before they were parted last time, Yuuta tried to get his brother to make love to him. His brother never protested in words, instead he moved so Yuuta was on top and invited Yuuta inside him in this way of just accepting he had. Passive love. Yuuta had enough of that to last him the rest of his life. He had planned at least in case he got the opportunity to take it. He had touched himself, stretched himself enough so that he was ready for the pain as he roughly, quickly took his brother inside himself.

Despite his resolve to be quite a noise of both fierce pain and desire tore itself from his throat. Still crying he told his brother he loved him, and went to kiss him.

But his beautiful, beloved, genius brother always had counter-maneuvers. His brother lay there like a stone. It was as if he was a robot and someone switched the power on him to off. Syusuke was gone. His eyes were vacant and he was unfeeling, unmoving, and looked as if he were dead.

In sheer frustration and heartbreak Yuuta clenched his brother's hands hard and tried to shake him to rouse him. Despite the searing pain, Yuuta refused to pull himself off of his Aniki this time. He needed this. They needed this. He needed his brother to love him.

But like last time, his brother was not moving.

He was also not breathing.

Yuuta tried everything. In a panic, he pulled his brother, shook him, tried to breathe for him, but his Aniki would not come out of it. Yuuta at one point wondered if his brilliant brother had killed himself by sheer force of will. Yuuta forgot his resolve to keep his Aniki inside him as his urge to get him breathing overcame everything else. He doesn't even remember moving off of him--only that nothing else he tried was working. Not shaking him, not even slapping him. Yuuta breathed for him until his brother was finally shallowly breathing but no matter what he did, Syusuke could not be roused. Yuuta cried and begged him to wake up. He promised him everything in the world, and was just about to get their parents from down the hall when his brother miraculously opened his eyes. "Yuuta...?" his Aniki asked in a gasped whisper, and then smiled at him.

Yuuta threw himself on top of his brother, held him as close as he possibly could, and sobbed in heartbroken agony. His Aniki held him close and whispered meaningless comforts that everything would now be all right. He even softly kissed Yuuta a few times and told him he loved him.

Yuuta must have fallen asleep. When he woke up hours later with a cracking headache and sore as hell from everywhere it seemed, he realized his brother was gone. Yuuta was in a panic for a moment that he was going to be very late for school when he remembered that he wasn't going there anymore. He was switching to St. Rudolph's and today was the day he packed the rest of his things.

Feeling dreadful, he packed his belongings and put everything he wasn't bringing neatly away. He did not plan on visiting home very often, if ever. He knew he needed a fresh start. Yuuta tried to focus his thoughts to two things. First, the future. A new school with new people and a fresh beginning. Yuuta knew no one there except Mizuki. He didn't even know his roommate who was also going to be starting late with him. The guy was in his brother's grade and he and Yuuta would be sharing a room with a bathroom that adjoined Mizuki's single room. Things would be better there, away from everything here, but first, Yuuta knew he had one last thing to do at home.

He needed to talk to his Aniki. Yuuta needed to set things straight, tell Syusuke he was not leaving him behind so much as Yuuta needed out. He needed a new start. Surely his Aniki would be happier without him around, and if there was trouble, Yuuta would be just a phone call away. All day he packed. Yuuta went over everything he might possibly want to take with him including old photos of him and his Aniki and mementos of what he imagined from the outside looking in, probably seemed like a very normal, happy childhood the two Fuji brothers had shared.

The long day passed slowly, punctuated with pauses taken to review photos and recall memories that he and his Aniki had shared. Yuuta waited anxiously to talk to his brother and stayed close to the door around the time his brother normally returned home. His Aniki was late, hours late. He missed dinner and with every passing hour, Yuuta's mood soured. He even tried to call his brother a few times but Syusuke did not answer his phone. Yuuta was torn between worrying for his brother, and worrying for what his brother was doing and who it was he was doing it with.

Finally, Yuuta sitting in the hallway in a very dark and angry state of mind heard some noises outside their door. It was late. Their mom as was becoming her habit without their father around was in bed already, their dad had left a while ago for his overseas job. Their sister was supposedly staying with a friend, but Yuuta knew their sister had been dating a lot of older guys and was probably with her boyfriend of the moment. The relationships never lasted long and Syusuke had told Yuuta when he had asked about it that it was searching for a father figure. Yuuta had no idea what that meant--only that their family had a messed up enough father so Yuuta could not figure out why anyone would want someone else to be a father to them. True, often Yuuta had admired the relationships many kids in their school had with their fathers, but Yuuta knew from his own household that appearances were deceiving. The most perfect families from the outside, like theirs, could be anything but perfect inside.

Annoyed further by how long it was taking his brother to walk into the house, Yuuta thought that maybe his brother was trying to avoid him for some reason. Maybe Syusuke did not want to talk about Yuuta going away and Yuuta felt he really needed to reassure his Aniki that Yuuta leaving did not mean Syusuke had to be upset or even hurt himself. That would be the worst. All Yuuta really wanted was a little bit of space to think without having to look at his most important person who loved him but not in that way every single day and night. He wanted to be Yuuta and not little Fuji, or one of those Fuji's anymore.

If his Aniki could not handle the separation, Yuuta wanted to reassure him he would come back. He didn't want to leave his brother with nothing. Yuuta would always be there for him, in fact, he wanted to make sure his Aniki knew that Yuuta loved him. Truly and completely loved him. Syusuke was Yuuta's most important person, and Yuuta would do anything for him. Maybe Syusuke changing schools too would bring them closer together even if it meant Yuuta would sacrifice his own independence. All that mattered though was his Aniki being safe, happy, and knowing Yuuta loved him.

Thinking this, Yuuta threw open their front door only to discover his Aniki lip-locked and being passionately kissed by Tezuka. His brother was kissing Tezuka heatedly back in a way Yuuta had always wished his brother had wanted to kiss him. They were really going at it right there. On the doorstep. Outside. Two guys kissing. Like that. For all the world to see.

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Learning to Land