No Escaping Fate

Warning: I am not going to be pulling any punches with Ryuichi. I in no way believe that his childlike attitude is anything more than a façade.

Thanks to Ashcat and Tlynn.

English will be underlined from now on unless otherwise stated at the beginning of the section.

Chapter Six

Neo made it to the elevator in an empty haze. His mind was filled with a thousand contradicting thoughts and the fact that he had just walked away from the man he loved… again… was burning a hole in his soul.

‘He’s better off without me. All I ever did was bring him pain anyway. Hell, he probably never even really loved me,’ but as soon as he thought it a little voice in the back of his head spoke up.

‘Really? If he didn’t love you then why is he still pining for you? If he doesn’t love you then why was he hurt when you walked away just now? If he is better off without you then why do you feel like…’

“Shut up!” Neo pressed his hands to his ears in a futile attempt to block out the voice. When the doors to the elevator opened he took off running. He wasn’t the least bit surprised when Tohma's car was not there so he just kept running.

It could have been seconds, hours, days, or years before he finally stopped clutching the stitch in his side. Everything hurt; his chest, his lungs, and his heart. He wanted to curl up into a ball and forget everything that had just happened. He had buried this pain for so long and now it was a fresh wound all over again.

He collapsed onto the nearest bench and only then realized that he had run strait into the park. He sighed and buried his head in his hands. He had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. Part of his mind reminded him that all of his things were still at NG, but going there meant facing Tohma and right now that was not something he wanted to do.

He still knew a lot of people in Japan, but facing any of them right now was not something he was up to either. After a few more minutes of self-debate he vaguely remembered Tohma handing him his cell phone back.

He searched his pockets and pulled out the phone, but stopped. This was not his phone. He flipped open the cover only to have a piece of paper fall out into his hand.

Shuichi,

I took the liberty of having your cell replaced. I did not believe it prudent for you to be paying overseas charges when you will be staying in Tokyo for a while. You will find all of your old contact numbers have been added as well as those of a few individuals that you would find it prudent to contact.

I have no doubt that your first meeting with Eiri with be rough, but that is not the end of this tail. You know me well enough to know that I will be keeping tabs on you. If you try and leave Tokyo you will find yourself back under lock and key. Do not try to threaten me, as I know you will not go to the press or the police.

I have arraigned a suite for you at the Tokyo Grand (1); all of your things have already been moved there.

Do not hesitate to call if you need me,
Seguchi Tohma

“What an utter bastard.”

By the time he was done reading the message Neo remembered just how tired he was. He got up and managed to make the short walk back out of the park and hail a cab, happy that he had plenty of yen on him because he really didn’t want to walk that far. It was a short ride to the hotel and he gave the driver a large tip for making it shorter. It was fortunate that Tohma had already had him checked in and it was a short stop by the front desk to pick up his key.

He didn’t even glance at the room when he walked in. He simply striped and fell into bed.

*

Neo didn’t know how much latter it was when he woke, but he still felt drained. He managed to keep his mind at bay until he had showered and gotten changed into fresh clothing. He thought briefly about ordering room service, but his stomach rolled at the idea of food. Instead he made his way to the mini-bar and pulled out several of the small bottles.

He wanted to be drunk before Tohma had the chance to show up or send someone. A couple of hours and several of the little bottles latter the inevitable knock came, but when he had managed to stumble to the door it was not Tohma or even a lackey on the other side.

“Sakuma-san?” Neo blinked once at his idol and one time friend and then stumbled back to his bed before collapsing on the tangled sheets.

“You didn’t waste any time did you?” Neo felt the bed dip beside him and he rolled over to look at the other man.

“Did Tohma send you?” His speech was slightly slurred and he felt slightly nauseous. The room seemed to tilt and spin around him at he looked up at the older man. “I think I drank too much.”

“No Tohma did not send me and I think you’re right.”

Neo felt a cool hand brush his hair out of his face and he leaned into the comfort that it provided. “You knew all along, didn’t you? Must be sickic- psysis- no um… you know can read peoples minds and see the future.” Neo giggled and rolled onto his back.

“I think you mean psychic, but no I’m not.”

Neo looked up at him through glassy eyes. “Really?”

“Really. I am just good at reading people.”

Neo sighed, “I never thought that you were crazy or stupid like everybody said.”

Ryuichi chuckled softly, “I have always found it easier to let people believe what they want. By playing along with them people tend not to take me seriously and thus don’t bother raising their guard around me. It can be quite advantageous if I want to know something, like where you were staying for instance.”

Neo giggled again. “I always knew you were way more clever than Tohma, but not near as cruel or scheming.”

Ryuichi shook his head and stood up. He made short work of stripping Neo down to his boxers and t-shirt so he wouldn’t get tangled in his clothes and tucking him into the bed. “Tohma isn’t cruel he’s ambitious, but he will do almost anything to get what he wants and protect those he cares about.”

“No matter the price others have to pay.” No matter how dunk he had been a moment ago, Neo suddenly felt very sober. “Why did he do this? I was finally getting my life back under control and now I feel like I am back at square one.” He pulled himself up in the bed and met Ryuichi’s intense gaze with one of his own.

The older singer sighed and sat back down on the foot of the bed after shedding his coat. “I don’t believe you had really moved on anymore than you do. You were just as lost the day you returned to Japan as the day you left it. Sure you had made pretty good headway in starting a new life, but you weren’t over anything. You love Yuki just as much now as you did then or else it wouldn’t hurt this much, now would it?”

Neo was suddenly struck with just how intuitive Ryuichi was. It was a rare thing to see the man’s eyes harden into seriousness, but hearing those words brought it home for Neo. “I can’t go back to him. I can’t survive all that again. It was too close a call last time.”

Neo felt the last of his resolve breaking and the tears that he had wanted to cry for so long really broke free. This wasn’t the short soft trickle it had been when he read the book, no this was an all out sob. He became so lost in his emotions that he almost didn’t feel the arms that wrapped around him. He didn’t feel the gentle rocking or hear the comforting words.

It was an hour before Ryuichi felt the body in his arms relax and the breathing even out into sleep. He laid Shuichi down into the bed and watched the younger man curl up on his side around a pillow before he slid the blanket up to Shuichi’s shoulder. It was painful to see the younger man so defeated. He wanted nothing more than to wrap the young man up and protect him from the cruel world that fated him to love such a man as Uesugi Eiri.

Ryuichi cursed his own weak heart as he watched the lines of tension that even sleep could not erase from Shuichi’s face. This was the face that haunted his dreams. He couldn’t pinpoint when his affection for the younger man had grown into something more, but he knew that he would give anything just to see Shuichi happy again.

He bent and placed a chaste kiss on the unresponsive lips before standing up and walking to the door. He paused and turned before exiting, “I don’t care what it takes, but I will see you sparkle again, Shuichi, my love.”

*

When Neo woke again it was to bright sunlight and a pounding in his head echoed by a pounding on the door. He wanted nothing better than to pull the blankets back up and hide in them until the world came to an end, but whoever was at the door was having none of it so he slowly stood and stumbled across the room.

He yanked open the door, ready to yell at whoever was on the other side. His words were forgotten though when he came face to face with his former best friend. He wasn’t sure just what to say and so backed up a step and let Hiro pass him into the room. He closed the room behind him and followed the redhead into the sitting room.

Hiro looked fidgety and unsure of himself. It was an odd look for the usually confident man. “You look different. If I didn’t know better, I wouldn’t have recognized you.”

“Yeah well a lot of things have changed.” Neo took a few steps closer to him and suddenly found himself in a bone-crushing hug.

He was taken aback at first, but the strong arms felt good around him and he reveled in the comfort Hiro was giving him.

Finally Neo sighed and pulled back so that he could look up at Hiro. “I take it that I owe this blessed reunion to Seguchi-san?”

“The one and only. I’m glad he did though, I really missed you Shu.” Hiro kept his arms around Neo almost as if he were afraid that the other man would vanish again if he let go.

“Well I can’t say that I am surprised. He seems to be willing to do just about anything to keep me here at this point.” The mood noticeably darkened when he said this and he shrugged out of Hiro’s hold and headed to the couch to sit down gesturing for Hiro to do the same.

Hiro looked nervous, but Neo let it pass. He looked around the room trying to find a distraction and found one when his stomach rumbled. He grimaced a little and rolled his eyes at Hiro when he saw the other man give him a knowing look.

“Um, I was still asleep when you started knocking, mind if I order something from room service? Do you want something?”

Hiro just shook his head, silently answering both questions.

Neo turned to the phone on the side table and pushed the speed button for room service. He caught the sight of the clock and realized he was too late for breakfast and so told them to just bring him whatever the lunch special was. He didn’t care; he doubted he would taste whatever he ate anyway. Besides the special would be ready now and he would have to wait that long for it.

When he hung up the phone and looked back at his friend he noticed the calculating look. Hiro was always too smart for his own damn good. “What?”

“So, care to tell me just what happened?”

Neo sighed and cracked his neck. He instantly regretted it as it caused his head to give a painful throb. He stood, walked to his bag sitting on the table and dug until he found the prescription for his migraines. Dropped the bag onto the floor next to the bedroom door after finding the bottle of pills. He crossed back to the tabled and picked up a half empty bottle of water that he couldn’t remember opening, but shrugged and swallowed two of the pills. He then leaned on the edge of the table facing his guest.

“There really isn’t much to tell. Tohma has probably already given you the important details. I left, went to America, wrote some songs, learned English, started a band, sold some records, and went on tour. Now I am here.” He shrugged and looked up at his friend.

Was Hiro still his friend?

They sat there for several minutes just looking at each other, both lost in thought. The silence was broken by a knock and a call of ‘Room service.’ Neo let them man in and retrieved his wallet while the food was set out on the table. He handed the man a tip and let him show himself out.

He sat down and began to pick at the noodle dish, not really paying attention to what he was eating.

Hiro sighed, got up, and moved to sit next to his friend. After a few minutes hesitation he spoke up, “I never thought that there would be a time when you felt like you couldn’t talk to me or a time when I wouldn’t listen. For that I am sorry. You kept trying to tell me that you were losing it and I kept brushing it off, didn’t I? I guess that I was too caught up in my own little world.”

Neo looked up from his food and gave his friend a sad smile. Yeah, maybe Hiro was still his friend, even after leaving like he did. “I never blamed you for not listening. I was a bit of a mess back then and I always tried to push my problems onto other people. I shouldn’t have tried to make my problems with Eiri yours to begin with.” He set down his chopsticks and took a sip of the tea that had come with his meal.

He looked down at his plate. He had only finished about half the food, but he really wasn’t that hungry to begin with, regardless of the fact that he hadn’t eaten that much in the past few days. His last real meal had been the day of the concert. Was that really only two days ago?

He put the cover back over the dish and picked up his tea. He gestured for Hiro to follow him and he moved back to the couch. Hiro sat next to him and after setting down his cup he leaned into Hiro’s side. There was just something about this man that always broke down his barriers. Hiro could always see through his fake smiles and get him to talk about it, get him to cry when he needed to.

Maybe that was why it had hurt so badly when the redhead had stopped listening, but he still couldn’t blame him.

They sat that way for several long moments and then Hiro pulled away enough to look Shuichi in the eye. The words seemed to come out of nowhere and it took Neo a moment to catch up with what Hiro was saying.

“But they were my problems, too. You were, no are, my best friend and I knew good and well that you relied on me when you needed someone to talk to.” Hiro ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “Yeah I was mad when you left, but I was more mad at myself for not listening. If I had gotten my head out of my ass, then maybe you wouldn’t have felt the need to leave in the first place. Not that I still don’t want to throttle you.”

Neo felt the urge to laugh. It was nice to know that some things never changed. “I felt bad at first, but somehow I managed to convince myself that you and everyone else didn’t care and would be better off without my problems.”

Hiro swatted Neo on the head, “Baka, of course we weren’t better off without you. It has been shit around here without you!”

‘Damn, I missed my friend,’ Neo thought and a wave of pain washed over him. He had hurt everyone so badly. He had done to them what Yuki had done to him. That thought triggered something in him and Neo buried his face in Hiro’s chest letting the tears come.

“Why, Hiro? I don’t understand. When I got back from New York I thought that it was going to be better and he just pushed me away again. I couldn’t do it anymore, I wanted to love him and him to love me…” A horrible sob wracked Neo’s body. He sat there just letting Hiro hold him for a long time.

Eventually he realized what he was doing and pulled back to look Hiro in the eye. “I’m doing it again. It might as well have been yesterday. Here you are and all the sudden I am relying on you like always. You haven’t yelled at me and you don’t even seem upset at what I did to you. I left and I didn’t even say goodbye. How can you forgive me so quickly?”

Hiro pulled him tight against his chest again and held him there. “You’re my best friend. You have been since we were kids. I love you, Shuichi, and nothing you do is going to change that.” Hiro sighed and after a moment spoke again, “Not that I wont beat the shit out of you later for pulling that stunt and worrying us.”

Neo giggled at that, but sobered again quickly. He realized that for the first time in a long time he didn’t feel a twinge of pain when hearing his name. For the first time in a long time he actually felt a bit like Shuichi again.

Suddenly the past six years didn’t matter. He had his friend and confessor here next to him. He understood now that it had been a mistake to cut his friend off like that, but he was grateful Hiro was there. Hiro was listening now and right then that was all that mattered.

“I’m so confused Hiro. I still love him, but I can’t go through that again.”

Hiro slowly rocked his friend. He knew that in the days to come he and Shu would have it out over his leaving, but for now he was content to have his best friend back. “It’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out. I promise.”

*

(1) Tokyo Grand: I made this up.

So? Too much? Not enough? There’s still more to come.