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He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh	By : DarkFae Category: > Durarara!! (?????!! Dyurarara!!) Views: 3384 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: don't own durarara or anything about it. no casholas or profit from it either. just having fun!

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh

Chapter Seven

The Biggest Douchebag in the History of Mankind
A/N: Minor2 no longer applies. Actual drug use. Debatably N/C (non-consentual/rape), though I'm not sure you could call it that... YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Recommended Listening: “Megalomaniac” – Incubus, “Russia on Ice” – Porcupine Tree, “Hands Around My Throat” – Death in Vegas and of course... “He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh” – Makoto Yoshimori (Durarara!! OST)
(((Orihara Izaya)))
He fought admirably, every time. And now that there was no risk of injury, his strength quadrupled. I was almost in as much awe as Shinra when I watched him drop every man I sent after him with little to no effort. It almost made me sad that he would never let me have my way with him again – not without rape charges anyway. The fantasy had crossed my mind, to measure the reaction of a victim, but I wasn't interested in sullying my hands like that. Let someone else do the dirty work.
Besides, Shizuo in his current state was far more fascinating at the moment.
I could no longer rely on the Blue Squares to do many errands anymore, so I had that car impounded with an impossible fine and those goons that jumped me either arrested or suddenly in deep debts. I needed some leverage against them, some rival force... but that idea, along with several others, was put on the back burner and came to fruition much later. Besides, whenever I wanted a few of them out of the way, I just crossed their paths with Shizuo. It was just too easy.
Shizuo burned in the forefront of my thoughts. His fiery glare every time he caught sight of me, the way his face contorted in fury and the sheer force of strength he displayed when he unleashed it upon some hapless large and heavy object to hurl with all the hatred he could muster at me ... I must confess, he was the subject of more than a few erotic dreams and solo adventures on my part. There were lovers here and there of course, girls or boys... whoever happened across my path that was interesting, but none compared to Shizuo, sadly. They bored me quickly and were discarded, often as fast as they were acquired.
Graduation came and went, with a hoarse, “IIIIIIIIZAAAAAAYAAAAAA!!!” every now and then when I decided to provoke the poor bastard into destroying something I needed out of the way … or just to fuck with him.
Shinra had trouble getting his full credentials for some reason even though he was smarter than any doctor I'd ever met, so I hooked him up with a job on the black market in the medical field. That way, I was guaranteed his help if I ever needed it. He was still valuable, after all.
Me? I knew Tokyo like the back of my hand, and a lot of people paid good money for that kind of familiarity. Especially the Yakuza. The big boys paid big bucks, and for a good five years I did what I do best: arranged, orchestrated and strategized criminal activity across the country. Who needs a real job when a suitcase of money is dropped in your lap to ensure the cops don't bust a coke run? Though it's laughable, the Yakuza's most illegal activity was actually the trafficking of uncensored pornography*. The kickback on that was … quite interesting.
Shizuo never really left my thoughts. And though putting people in tough spots to watch them squirm made me giddy with my intrigue over humans in general, one chess piece gathered dust on my game board. I zoned out on it for hours one night... then I just went on a whim. Stuffing it in my parka pocket, I ran out the door and made my way to Ikebukuro.
West Gate Tavern. The bar was small and dim. I guess all I wanted was to hear Shizuo scream my name in a tantrum, but I was not to be satisfied that night it seemed. As I took my seat at a bar stool and cheerfully ordered the most complex drink I could think of, Shizuo only sent me death glares, wearing the most depressing scowl I'd ever seen on his pretty face.
“Aw, Shizu-chan, why so sour?” I asked, spinning in my stool. “And why haven't you begun to try and smash bottles over my head yet??”
“This job is more important to me than smashing your face,” he told me coldly, slamming my drink down in front of me. “Careful. I might have spit in it on accident.”
“Nothing I haven't had in my mouth already,” I laughed, taking a nice big gulp without a qualm.
“Pft. I'm busy. Piss off, pest.”
“So now you have me intrigued!” I told him, stopping my spin and stirring my drink with the little plastic sword stuck through a cherry. “What could possibly be more important than killing me? I mean... come on! It's ME we're talking here!”
Shizuo clenched his teeth as I tested his self control. His eyes darted around the establishment, desperately seeking another customer to attend to so he didn't have to deal with me. Alas, it was Thursday night – quite dead. “It's none of your business. And I don't suppose you'll listen if I just tell you to get the hell out of my bar, will you?”
“Not a chance!” I replied with a smile. “You'll have to throw me out. Or possibly throw something heavy and unwieldy at me. That pool table maybe? Ooh, I know! What about that juke box over there?”
His fist came down on the bar with a loud crack against the wood, though it held. The few customers there and his coworker jumped and backed away. This was it! This was the reaction I've been waiting for all night!
“I'm only going to say this once you slimy piece of shit, so listen good,” he growled in a freezing anger. “It's. Over.”
..Or not.
It took a few seconds for that to sink in. I had to cock my head to one side, as if to let it seep through the ear I'd heard it through. “Over?” I parroted in confusion.
“Yes! Over!” He snapped. “As in I'm finished with you! Done! You're not worth my time or my energy anymore! Get out of my life! It's just NOT worth it! So go play your little games somewhere else!”
“You're serious!” I said dubiously. Stone faced. Wow. He really wasn't kidding. This wasn't good... if he didn't keep hating me so passionately, then he would start to hurt himself again. No, no, no … something had to be done about this, this wouldn't do at all!
It was now my Godsent duty to provoke him back into that rage.
“I'm not going to chase after you anymore,” he said quietly. Though he meant it literally, I felt the meaning behind it. His past with me … had become his deity. And the fatigue of bearing it was interfering with the present focused fury he needed to stay in one piece after flying off the cuff.
Time to up the ante!
“Well sure you are, Shizu-chan!” I laughed, standing up on my stool and pointing at him. “I'm gonna make your life absolutely miserable tonight if you don't!”
“Sit down, you ass...”
“Mojitos for everybody!” I called, pulling out my wallet.
“That would be way more effective if there were more than six people here,” Shizuo snorted.
“You're absolutely right!” I agreed, pulling out my phone.
To: All 09:27pm

FREE MOJITOS AT WEST GATE TAVERN!! ALL NIGHT LONG, TONIGHT ONLY! TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND BE THERE! DOOOOO IT!

<I <3 HUMANS!>
“Shall I hit 'Send All?'” I asked smugly as I showed the text to him. He kept his face cold and hard with that slight frown. “How many people do you think are in an information broker's Contact List? Hm? Go on. Take a guess.”
“I don't care.”
“I'm not bluffing.”
“I said I don't care!”
I grinned. -SEND ALL- “I wonder how long it will take them to get here...” I wondered aloud,waving my phone about as it hummed with vibration, repeating “Supersprode” over and over again while people began texting back. “R U Serious?!” “So there!” “You're awesome, Nakura!” “O RLY? Is it someone's birthday??” “Can I bring my buddies?” “You're nuts, Orihara! I love you!” “Is there a catch this time?” “What about LIITs? I hate mojitos...” “Is this a prank?” “PAR-TAAAAY!” “Since when do you drink, Izaya-kun??” “Be there in 30!” “I'm not even old enough to drink yet, idiot” “West Gate Tavern? Are you messing with Heiwajima-san or something?” “I'll come but I can't drink...and only if Kida-kun comes too.” “You're seriously spamming me with this?” “Be right there!”
Shizuo just continued to scowl. “Do your worst. I'm not your plaything anymore.”
“My worst, eh?” I grinned evilly. “You're in for a night, Shizu-chan.”
It took about ten minutes for people to start pouring in from all over Ikebukuro. The place was packed within the hour, and with only two bartenders on duty, Shizuo certainly had his hands full. And I really did do my worst. I paid someone to graffiti up the women's bathroom. I dumped fifty bucks in the juke box and put Hijiribe Ruri on repeat. I broke pool sticks, spilled drinks on the floor, got two college chicks to vomit profusely and convinced some guys to smoke a full pack of cigarettes and a dime of weed in the men's bathroom while jamming up the vent. Windows got broken, toilets and sinks were clogged, glasses got smashed; I even snuck into the kitchen and trashed all their prep work for the next week. I started two fights (neither of which I participated in) and even got a blowjob in a corner. It was a miracle that the police didn't show up at some point.
I must have dropped almost two grand that night, trying to get Shizuo mad enough to come at me.
I'd never seen such self control in him before. Whatever was making this job so important to keep was doing wonders to keep him in check. Oh, his eyebrow was twitching all night and he was short and ornery with just about everybody there. He kicked at least twenty people out (not counting the six times he tried to use his authority to make me leave without putting his hands on me) and made no attempt to be polite to anyone.
“GET OUT, IT'S TWO, WE'RE CLOSING!!” he finally bellowed.
I hopped up to the bar and made kissy faces at him. “Do my worst, eh?”
“You are without a doubt the biggest douchebag in the history of man,” Shizuo sneered. “But I'm standing my ground. I don't like violence, I don't like being angry and I don't like YOU. You make this town reek, you know that? But I don't care if you do this every night for the rest of my career. I made a promise, and I'm gonna keep it, no matter what you do, understand pest??!” He glared at his coworker. “Yoko-chan, go turn that shit off already!”
“There's still twenty-eight plays of Hijiribe left...”
“I don't care! Unplug it if you have to! HEY, I SAID GET OUT, MAGGOTS!”
“Wouldn't it be easier to chuck it out the window?” I jeered. I took out a packet of powder and dumped some on the bar. Shizuo's eyes got wide. “Oh what, are you gonna call the cops?”
“Get that shit out of here.”
“Or what? This place is in violation of at least seven major laws at this point … you really want to get this joint shut down?” I zipped a straw down to a quarter length with the flickblade in my pocket and snorted the whole pile before Shizuo could stop me, despite his shock. Hello, head rush!
“You're... disgusting.”
I sniffed and wiped my nose, then grinned. “Well you're gonna beat the crap outta me after you clean up this mess, aren't you? I'd rather not feel you break my arm...”
“Get out,” he whispered.
“What is this promise you've made, Shizu-chan?? Is there a girl in your life or something??”
“Just … go.”
“She must be something to grant you this kind of restraint...”
“Izaya.”
“Hm?”
“...Please.”
Maybe I'd snorted too much and was a bit more inebriated than I had intended.
I shrugged. “Okay.”
So I left.
But I didn't go far.
It was five in the morning before Shizuo or his coworker were able to leave there was such a mess, and I heard him call someone else in for an early shift to finish up that day. I was waiting for him by the back entrance as he dragged himself out and locked the door, sighing in fatigue. I almost felt sorry for him.
Almost.
He took two steps and I jumped on his back, laughing uncontrollably.
“THE HELL –?!”
“Oooooooohayou** Shizu-chan!!!!” I cried, hanging on as he whipped about, trying to dislodge me.
“GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME ORIHARA!! THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!!”
“I'm provoking you, moron!!” I laughed. “Isn't it obvious?! How can you be so thick?!”
Shizuo threw himself backwards against the brick wall to try and crush me, but I hopped on his shoulders and jumped in front of him, landing on a fire hydrant and balancing nimbly. He was shaking his attempt to keep his rage under control by now. He took several deep breaths and regained his composure slightly.
“Why?”
“Why??” I repeated.
“What's the point of all this?! It's been five years! Haven't you found someone else to harass yet?”
“Several!” I told him. I started to count on my fingers. “Shall I name them? Kida-kun, Saki-chan, Horada-chan, Dotachin and his merry band of–”
“So go bother them!!”
“Ah, but none of them can lift vending machines, let alone throw them!” I hopped down and slithered behind him, pressing the edge of my flickblade against the small of his back and touching my lips to his ear. He stiffened instantly. “I haven't forgotten, and I know damn well you haven't. I'm here because there is something I don't know, and we can't have that.”
Shizuo tried to make some kind of snide comment, but I started tracing tiny circles on his spine with my blade, which quieted him. Still a sucker for edgeplay. He only swallowed, clenching and unclenching his fists in an erotically recognizable manner.
“Does it have to do with these snazzy outfits you've been wearing lately?” I whispered, starting to nibble his ear, which had gotten quite warm as the blood rushed to his face. Out of anger or lust? I had to wonder; this was Shizu-chan after all, and he wasn't so easy to pin when it came to human reaction, despite his predictability. Come on.... come on... take a swing at me … this has to be really pissing you off.... “They do look good on you, by the way. But I have to wonder... what would you promise in order to elevate this crappy job over your hatred for me?? And to whom?”
“If I tell you, will you leave me alone?” Shizuo asked softly.
“For a period of time that reflects your answer...” I agreed, running my other hand under his shirt. I felt his heart pounding, his breath quicken and goosebumps erupt across his skin.
“Knock it off, I'm trying to think!” he hissed, trying to shrug me off.
I pressed the blade a little more firmly into his back and he stopped struggling. “Multitask then,” I cooed, coaxing his nipples to stand on end. He broke out into a slight sweat; the feeling of it, the smell of it... like an aphrodisiac! It was a real thrill to know that I still had such a dramatic effect on him. He certainly still held sway over me. In a physical sense anyway, as my genitals would remind me... “Tell me.”
He lowered his head a little. “Kasuka.”
“Your brother?”
“Yes. He thinks that this job keeps me out of trouble. He wants me to keep it, and if I go off the deep end without a good reason, I'll get fired. I can't lose this job. There's no doubt in my mind that you know I can't keep a gig for shit. The minute I lose control, it's over. At least here if someone pisses me off I can use the bouncer excuse, but I can only go so far. If I come after you the way I want to ...”
“And you do want to...” I assured silkily, playing with the button on his pants teasingly; threateningly.
“I'm hoping your satisfied you sick fuck. You've got me in a corner. I want to do the worst to you – I'd be locked away if I ever got my hands on you. If I could, it would be worth it! But my hands are tied. And I'm tired of hating you so much. I'm moving on. You should too.”
“Tired of hating me?!” I demanded, then I bit his shoulder so he gasped and shook with anger at my control over his body and how much it wanted me. “No, no, no Shizu-chan!! Don' t ever stop hating me!!”
“Why not?”
I thought about that answer. If I told him the truth, he might mistakenly get the notion that I cared or something, and then the effect of protecting his bodily homeostasis would be utterly lost. Come on, Izaya, think up something to really make him lose it!
“Because I'll never stop hating you,” I whispered firmly, taking his iron cock in my hand. I couldn't believe how hard he'd become, and that statement for some reason only intensified the erection. I could literally feel his heart skip a beat against his ribs as his breath hitched for a moment.
It took him a few minutes to speak again, and I'm not sure if it was because of the handjob I was giving him or the shock of what I'd said. Probably a bit of both. “Say what you want. Do what you want. I'm not losing this job over you. Period. Kasuka is more important to me than you ever were. I will not pursue you anymore.”
“No matter what?” I asked.
“No matter what,” he repeated solidly.
“You say that, but take a look at exactly what you're doing right now,” I chuckled. “I'm jerking you off, idiot. I'm thirty seconds away from raping you right here. Heh, but then again, you can't deny that you'd love every minute of it. I really hope that makes you mad as hell – the fact that you can't shake the way I make you feel. I'm gonna pull you around like a ragdoll. You're going to be my puppet, Shizuo. I control you, you know that? You're mine.”
“You're saying these things to make me angry,” Shizuo replied shakily. “It's not going to work. I'm not going to attack you.”
“What if I lean you over that railing and fuck you like the bitch you are?”
“Pft. Do it. I want you to. Just to show you that you do NOT control me.”
Reverse psychology?! “Nice try, Shizu-chan.” So I did exactly that. I shoved him forward and he tripped over the railing, loose pants slipping down just enough for my attack. I slathered two fingers in my mouth and shoved them in, releasing my own swelling cock from its painful captivity with my other hand. Shizuo hunched forward and gripped the railing, clenching his teeth. “Been a while since you've had it up the ass, eh Shizu-chan?”
“I'm not giving you the pleasure of resisting. Just get off and go away,” he managed, though it was very clear that he was aroused as all hell. As much as an interesting venture rape might have been... I'm not sure you can rape the willing. Close enough however, enough to make me burn with the desire to make him my cockdoll.
“Should I make you hurt?” I hissed, leaning over him with my cock at his entrance. “Or should I make you moan my name, just like back then? How do you want it, Shizu-chan? Either way, I'm going to make your body wish you'd never left me...”
He didn't reply, only grunted as the third finger stretched him. Oh I was going to hurt him this time, and he knew it. The best part was that he loved it. No, I take that back. The very best part was that he HATED how much he loved it.
He must not have ever had a male lover after me – he was as tight as the first evening he ever spent with me, so I had to guide my cock in a little slower than I would have liked for at least my own comfort. I mean, I didn't really care that Shizuo was in for a world of pain, but I didn't want to actually do real damage. Although as soon as I was in I had his hips and I ground into him mercilessly. I couldn't tell if the noises he was making were out of pain or pleasure. Most likely a bit of both because when I reached around to torment his cock it was still rock hard.
“I'm going to reforge you, Shizuo,” I told him breathlessly, a little more excited than I should have been. It was probably the drugs still circulating in me. I massaged the head of his erection with my thumb in rhythm with my thrusts into him, slippery from his desire. I could see the railing bend in his fists slightly, so I continued spouting off what was coming to mind on a whim – it never failed to be provocative, almost like a euphoric glossolalia. “But first I have to break you – I'm going to break you into a million pieces! Then you're going to bend and mold to my liking – you are my plaything, just like every other human out there! But there's a difference between you and all those wonderful people I love, you know that? Huh? What do you think the difference is, Shizu-chan?! Come on, take a guess!! FUCK ME, you're an amazing cockdoll, ANSWER ME!!”
“I don't know!” he shouted finally in frustration. “I don't know, just shut up! Shut up! Shut UP!”
“THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT I HATE YOU, SHIZUO!!” I cried in elation, feeling my climax build up inside of me, welling up through my cock and getting ready to explode. “I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I FUCKING HATE YOU!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!”
I let go and came harder than I ever had in five years, if not my whole life. I could feel the heat in my face, my hands shake and my laughter peter out weakly to a few giddy giggles without my consent. Oh it couldn't have been more perfect. I'd made Shizuo go off in my hand almost in time with myself. I watched him hit his head against the railing in shame as he did. I was worried that he wouldn't to spite me, but I was glad my assessment of his lust was accurate. He just couldn't help it.
After I'd caught my breath, I zipped up my pants and crossed my arms, waiting for him to turn around and swing at me.
He just stood there, bending the railing.
“Come on, Shizu-chan, that had to be humiliating,” I told him. “Go on. Hit me. I'll even let you land one!”
“No.”
“Eh?”
“NO.”
“I can't believe how stubborn you are! For fuck's sake, I just raped you!”
“I am NOT your little marionette. I refuse to dance on your stupid little stage or act out your twisted expectations!” he growled. “Don't get me wrong. This will NOT happen again – I WILL defend myself. But I am standing my ground. You can't make me come after you anymore. Get it through your head: WE'RE THROUGH.”
I blinked. My very worst had certainly dented his willpower, but it just hadn't been enough! This … promise he'd made to his brother was just too strong a leaning post for him. It baffled me that I couldn't overcome it! His love was stronger than his hate?! How fairytale!!
“Tch. How cliché, as always,” I told him seriously. “Alright, Shizu-chan, this round goes to you, and I commend you! It couldn't have been easy. But you're wrong. We're not through. And you've just put way more on the line than you bargained for.” I grinned and waved. “Ciao, then!”
I lost my grin as soon as I turned away. No, no, no, no!! That rage had to be aimed at me or that dumbass was going to crumble under its pressure! I needed him! That brat Kida and the Yellow Scarves were just setups for a much bigger plan. Shizuo was one of my key Ikebukuro players, it would mess everything up if he were out of the picture too long! Gah! How frustrating!
That job had to go.
*True fact!!

**Japanese for 'good morning'

**end chapter seven**

**Preview Chapter Eight: Crime and Punishment**

I was smoking out back when the door opened. “Shizuo-san, your friend is here.”
“Huh?” Did she mean Celty?
“Hi, hi, Shizu-chan!” He poked his head out around Yoko and grinned that stupid grin.
My eyebrow started to twitch. Okay, I can keep it together. He couldn't possibly push me any further than he had last fall. If I could hold out then, this time shouldn't be a problem. Keep your cool, Shizuo. Feet on the ground, head on your shoulders. Kasuka. Just keep thinking of what you promised Kasuka.
“The hell do you want, pest?” I sneered.
“Just checking up on you!” Izaya lied. “I dare say this is the longest stretch you've ever held a job for, isn't it?”
“What's it matter to you?” I snapped. “I thought I told you we were done.”
He skipped around me and plucked the cigarette out of my mouth to take a drag for himself. He then tried to replace it on my lips but I slapped it away, knocking it out of his hand. I stomped on it and turned to follow Yoko back inside.
Izaya's arms were around my waist without warning, forcing me to stop. “Don't leave,” he said quietly.
I was torn, and furious that I was torn at all. My baser instincts felt pity and wanted to sigh and oblige him. My more rational side raged that he was still playing these stupid games. I knew this was just an act. “What are you up to now?” I asked over my shoulder coldly.
“I'm sorry...”
- 6
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- 8
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He's Such a Coward He Can Laugh