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Learning to Land	By : Suteishichic Category: Prince of Tennis/Tennis no Ohjisama > General Views: 11419 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis (Tennis no Ohjisama), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Learning to Land. Chapter Seventy One ~Fuji Yuuta~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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Yuuta threw open their front door only to discover his Aniki lip-locked and being passionately kissed by Tezuka right there. On their doorstep. Outside. Two guys kissing. For all the world to see.

Yuuta was horrified, and then immediately enraged. This was where his Aniki had decided to be rather than spend his last afternoon with Yuuta? His Aniki could have done this the next day. The only reason Yuuta could think he would do it now was because Syusuke must have taken some sick, perverse pleasure in hurting Yuuta.

He slammed the door on his brother and locked it--Yuuta feared his Aniki otherwise would chase after him. Now when it didn't matter, his Aniki would probably enjoy seeing how he made Yuuta cry. Hot tears stung his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. Everything was so pointless, so futile. Nothing Yuuta did mattered. Not when it came to him and his brother. Here he was trying to love his Aniki as best he could, and yet again Syusuke had somehow almost instinctually done everything to defeat and counter Yuuta's every move.

Feeling like a child but not caring, Yuuta ran to his room and locked that door as well. Sometime later he heard his Aniki come into the house. It didn't sound as if anyone was with him, but Tezuka was so stoic and silent that his Aniki might not have been alone. Yuuta stayed in his room, curled up on his bed and quietly shed tears listening. He heard the bath fill and suspected his brother and maybe his brother's new lover were bathing together. Yuuta must have cried himself to sleep. He woke hours later still dressed.

It was early, before dawn and he decided he had to see for himself. Yuuta picked the lock on his brother's door and crept into his room. He wept, only this time with relief and joy when he saw Syusuke was asleep alone. Still crying, Yuuta kissed his brother awake. While his Aniki looked at him through sleep hazed blue eyes, Yuuta found the strength to confess everything he felt. He told his brother he would never leave him. That he was so so sorry for everything. That he loved him. That he would do anything for him, and he begged his brother to love him--just once to please love him. Please be with him, cleanse him, love him.

Syusuke refused. Yuuta tried to tempt him as he had so often in the past, but nothing he tried worked. Not the begging, the pleading, not even the anger that made him feel deeply ashamed because it made him feel like he was as much of a bastard as their father. Still, Yuuta tried everything, even that. Nothing worked.

Something in his Aniki had shifted, changed. This was not new. His Aniki was in love. Again. And not with Yuuta. Again. It didn't matter. It was over. It never started and yet it was over.

Yuuta realized that it was over between them, and at least for now nothing Yuuta did, said, or tried would work. Hating that he was acting like a child, Yuuta still broke down and cried in his brother's arms. His beloved brother held him, and at some point Yuuta slept. All night he had dreams of his brother holding him, loving him, and telling him over and over while he pleasured him how much he loved him. Yuuta woke with a gasp from the middle of a wet dream, coming hard, fully dressed, and clutching onto nothing.

It was dawn.

He was alone in his brother's bed.

His brother was gone.

In a daze, Yuuta changed the sheets on his brother's bed to hide his latest shame.

As he went through the familiar motions, nearing despair, Yuuta realized what day it actually was. It was the day. The day he was moving. The day he could put all this behind him and start over again. Yuuta showered for a very long time, and he started to wonder what was ahead for him. What changes. What he had to look forward to. All new experiences, places, and people suddenly felt clean, and he felt free. No one there knew him. No one there would suspect anything. He could be his best self. He could make new friends, and a name for himself. It started to feel as if a huge heavy weight, as heavy as his brother, his father, and everyone else Aniki had ever loved was being lifted off Yuuta's shoulders.

By the time he finished packing the last of his belongings in his mother's car, Yuuta started to enjoy the day. It was a clear day. It was going to be warm and sunny and there were a few clouds that only made the sky look that much bluer. That much deeper. Like his brother's eyes. Yuuta decided he would let his brother have this romance. Yuuta would give his brother space and make a life of his own until his brother reached for him. Yuuta would as usual be there when it soured inevitably as he always was, but this time, he would let his Aniki come to him. He would let Syusuke reach for him, and Yuuta vowed he would continue to make his brother reach for him, until it was the right kind of reaching. Until his brother came to him in love. His brother liked a challenge?

Then Yuuta would be a challenge for his Syusuke to overcome and win.

Best of all with this plan was in the meantime, Yuuta would be free. Free from his insane and screwed up family, and free from fear of his father, and free to make his own way in the world without being one of those Fuji's or the little brother of that Fuji. He decided he would be his best self. He would make friends, lots of friends, but most of all, he decided he would be happy. That he deserved to be happy. Maybe without his brother casting a heavy shadow over his heart, Yuuta could even meet someone new.

Not someone to take his brother's place, no, but something light and fun with no strings. A girl maybe. Yuuta had never kissed a girl. That might be nice.

Confident and feeling able to take the world on, Yuuta put the last of his belongings in the car. Including his pillow. Covered in his brother's used pillowcase from last night. One simple indulgence he decided he was allowed as he made his way in the world on his own terms.

Yuuta was finished bringing stuff in from his Mom's car around mid-morning. His mother said she had some errands to run, and Yuuta was able to get away with saying a brief goodbye to her. He was glad his entire family was not there to see him off or to embarrass him. Not like his new roommate's family. The Kisarazu's seemed very high strung, and almost nervous about something. His new roommate Atsushi and his twin brother had been in some kind of argument on the way to to St. Rudolph's. At least that was what their jittery mother told Yuuta. That they had fought in the car and were not speaking to each other. They were dressed nearly identically in white polo style shirts, what Yuuta always thought of as tennis shirts, and jeans. They each had on tennis shoes same pair, style, and brand although one pair was white and the other black. Only their baseball hats were different colors--one black and one white apparently to match their shoes. One twin had longer hair but other than that, they seemed in every way identical.

Their nervous mother informed Yuuta--who never asked--that "her twins' father" took the day off of work to bring Atsushi to school himself, and then she laughed in this nervous twittery way that made Yuuta wonder if she was just a touch insane or what the hell was going on. After his own family drama he was both intrigued and repelled by watching another unfold before him. Yuuta wanted smooth sailing and cheerful upbeat people around him. He wanted to start his own life on a high, and not with this strange first scene.

Yuuta knew his roommate was his senpai and he introduced himself as was proper, although he accidentally picked the wrong brother. He thought the stoic interested brother with longer hair was his new roommate, Atsushi. The boy smiled slightly and said as though pleased, "I'm Ryou, and this is my twin Atsushi. Please call us by our given names, it helps to avoid any confusion."

Only at that point did the sullen and shy boy move to shake Yuuta's hand. He seemed nervous, or upset maybe, and possible afraid. He stared at the floor rather than meeting Yuuta's eyes.

Yuuta struggled to make his new roommate feel comfortable by telling him although he arrived first, he would be happy to have his senpai choose where to sleep and which desk in the small room he would like. At first he thought perhaps the shy boy was too overwhelmed to respond because he kept looking at his feet with his fists clenched at his sides. Yuuta noticed his hands were trembling and he wondered if the guy was clenching them to hide their shake or if they were shaking in anger. St. Rudolph's was not as posh as some ridiculous schools like Jousei Shounan or Rikkaidai or the legendary, absurd Hyoutei, but it was no prison either. And yet, as Atsushi stood there with his hands trembling, Yuuta had the impression that St. Rudolph's for him was a kind of ultimate punishment or jail. He clearly did not want to be there.

And yet his family wanted this for him. His father made small talk with Yuuta, his mother said what a nice view their room had, and his twin brother chose the bed and desk he said would most suit Atsushi because they were set up the closest to how things were at home. Then as his brother started to make his twin's bed, their mother swooped in--as if worried. Ryou blushed, and quickly with a glare and a nervous twittery laugh, their mother took the sheets from him and finished making the bed.

It was weird.

It was awkward and uncomfortable as hell, and then when Yuuta was wondering how long it would go on for, apparently it was over. Ryou went to use their shared bathroom before the family's long drive back to Rokkaku, and Atsushi speaking for what seemed like the first time said he needed to go as well. He left the room to use the common one down the hall and stranger still, their parents watched him walk down the hallway. They looked grim and did not return to the room until they were sure where he went. Their mother laughed twittery when she noticed Yuuta watching this bizarre behavior, and their father said something about Atsushi getting lost easily.

Ryou a few moments later came out of the bathroom and tied his shoelace when his father pointed out it had come untied, and a moment later Atsushi returned from down the hallway. Their parents looked visibly relieved to see him, which Yuuta thought was odd. If they were worried about him running away, he could easily do so the moment they left. Why the watching now?

Yuuta could not figure it out. The good thing though, is the walk or using the toilet must have considerably calmed Atsushi down. He seemed more alert and relaxed as he warmly hugged his parents goodbye. The strangest thing was yet to come though.

He turned to his brother, suddenly grabbed him, and fiercely hugged him. He held him tight and close as if his life depended on it, and his twin did the exact same back. Yuuta felt embarrassed witnessing such a private moment, but he had no warning before it happened to prepare himself or avert his eyes. Nor had their parents. Their mother seeing this made a strangled gasp, and their father sternly said in a strange, disgusted tone, "That's enough!" Their father's voice cracked like a whip, and the man took a step forward as if to physically separate his sons. In an even harsher tone he said, "We will have none of this...!"

The twins instantly let go of each other, and stepped away. "Yes, Father," they said as one and parted.

In a low tone that was nearly a growl their father said to them, "Any more of this...anything like this and..." he glanced quickly at Yuuta and the entire Atsushi family as one turned to look at Yuuta also. Their father finished lamely as if for Yuuta's sake, "Enough talking about this. You know the consequences if you break the rules. Barring any unforeseen complications, we will all see you on Sunday when we visit, Atsushi. Do not let us down."

"Yes, Father." Atsushi moved to shake his father's hand. He hugged his mother, and shook his brother's hand. Their parents looking wary watched the two twins shake hands. Their mother looked mortified, and their father infuriated. "Goodbye," Atsushi said and though his face looked blank, the word caught in his throat.

His twin Ryou looked blank, and then a flash of deep pain ran across his handsome face. It was just a flash and Yuuta knew most people would miss it, but he was used to seeing his often smiling Aniki have looks almost exactly like that when he failed at moments to hide his pain with his near constant shield of a smile. Blandly Ryou said, "Goodbye...good luck..."

They didn't seem to want to let go of each other's hands, and the moment was dragging out. Everyone, Yuuta included, was frozen in time's spell. It felt wrong to pry them apart, they were so alike and so obviously wanted to not be separated, and yet in a moment Yuuta knew, for whatever reason their father would physically part them.

It was wrong.

Whatever had happened and was happening, Yuuta felt deeply that whatever was going on, this was wrong. Yuuta thought about atoms being split on the subatomic level, lightening splitting through atoms and sheering them in two, and it was that kind of powerful wrenching that seemed about to happen with dire consequences. Their mother moved first, apparently hyper-aware of Yuuta witnessing this tender moment, this calm before the storm. In a nervous voice with a shrill phony laugh at the end she stammered, "They're twins. They've never been apart before. But this is for the best. It's for the best!"

Their hands let go and without looking back, Ryou turned away and the other Kisarazu's left Atsushi behind. As his twin walked away, Yuuta saw Atsushi's body lean forward a moment as if it instinctually sought to close the space between them now. His feet did not move but stayed rooted to the ground. His shoulders sagged as the door automatically closed shut. They could hear their footsteps echo through the empty hallway as they walked away.

Yuuta struggled to find something to say, or to ask what had happened, or if everything was all right. He was determined to make friends and help others. He was adamant that he wanted more than anything to be the best person he could be, but he couldn't find any way to bring anything that just happened up. "Uh..." Yuuta started desperately trying to fill the rest with some kind of joke, or quip, or helpful something, anything other than this awkward pause.

Atsushi didn't move. His back was to Yuuta and he faced the door as if waiting for his brother to run back to him. His back was also still bowed as if he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, and his hands were clenched in trembling fists. He did speak however. Softly he said, "Yuuta-kun, do you play tennis? That's why you're here, right?"

Yuuta answered cautiously, "Yeah...?"

Atsushi wiped his sleeve over his face, and Yuuta figured he was wiping away tears. He adjusted his baseball hat, and turned to face his new roommate, "Play me?"

They had a million things to do. They had to unpack, find Mizuki-san, find their classes for the next day, get their books, eat, hell find out where to eat, and yet, Yuuta knew that feeling. When you were so overwhelmed, all you wanted in the whole entire world was the simplicity that came only when you completely lost yourself and everything bad in your life to tennis for however long the match lasted.

It wouldn't change anything, and it wouldn't make anything better, but there were times when the best thing you could do was walk away for a little while, and escape. Yuuta found himself agreeing and the two of them were quickly changing out of their jeans and into shorts. Yuuta looked at a map to find where the tennis courts were and he hoped they weren't breaking any rules by doing this. Especially him, as he was only a freshman and might not be allowed to play at all until he earned the right like he had heard, but never seen, at Seigaku. Freshmen at Seigaku, other than that cocky bastard Tezuka, did not play their first year.

As they walked to the courts, Atsushi only asked Yuuta if he was any good.

Yuuta replied he was, and nothing else was said between them. The freshman figured his roommate had to be good as well if he was invited to play so far away, and knowing from Saeki that Rokkaku was a poor school in a poorer neighborhood, Yuuta suspected Atsushi was now attending St. Rudolph's on scholarship. Yuuta thought of making small talk, or asking Atsushi if he knew Saeki or had played his brother's oldest friend but he decided not to. They had plenty of time to talk, and Atsushi seemed more comfortable with the silence even as they warmed up together.

Yuuta easily took the first three points, and knew once upon a time he would have been excited by the early lead. Now however, he had matured enough to know that he was being gently tested by Atsushi and drawn out. His roommate was not showing much of any talent at all and seemed a mediocre player at best, but Yuuta sensed there was more to come. He was soon proved correct when his roommate took the rest of the afternoon. He was a strong and aggressive counter puncher with this incredibly high volley that was nearly impossible for Yuuta to predict let alone return. They were long done with their first game, and Atsushi had soundly beaten the freshman--taking nearly every point, but they continued playing. Mostly because Atsushi seemed to be not keeping any kind of score so Yuuta played on without reminding him. He wasn't sure why and wondered to himself about it.

Part of it Yuuta knew was because Atsushi was incredible to play against. It was always an exciting challenge to play against someone so new and different, but Yuuta had no idea why he just kept letting the time and the game run on and on. He wasn't the kind of person to procrastinate like this and he had a lot of work to do, but as they played on, he knew it wasn't just putting things he had to do off. Atsushi seemed to play better and better the more they got into it, and Yuuta suspected with as good as he had been earlier, he was actually even more talented than he was showing. He had bested Yuuta fairly easily, and was only now beginning to show the full range of his skills.

Yuuta was dazzled. He had no idea the shy guy from earlier would be this good. This was the level of playing Yuuta aspired to. This was the level where his Aniki played, and so he gladly continued, never even noticing that they soon had a crowd watching them until Atsushi set him up for another combination that ended with another super high ball which Yuuta again just barely missed. As the ball bounced, Yuuta heard people too loudly giving Atsushi praise and approval and glanced annoyed over at the offenders.

The entire St. Rudolph's tennis club was apparently watching them.

Deeply embarrassed, Yuuta blushed and went to stammer an apology. He had no idea how many hours had passed since they started playing, because the time had flown by but it was apparently late in the afternoon. A very odd looking guy with slicked back hair walked up to them before Yuuta could get a word out. "You must be Kisarazu-kun, dude," he shook Atsushi's hand and turned to Yuuta, "And you must be our other newcomer, Fuji-kun, dude." Yuuta waited for the inevitable brother comparisons or brother comments but none came. Instead a hand was offered to him, "Nice to know you both, dude. I'm Junior Yanasisawa Shinya, dude. Mizuki-san and Vice-Captain Akazawa-san are on court A and they said to wash your faces, change, and then come join us for practice, dude. It's just over that hill, dude."

A bit stunned both Yuuta and Atsushi agreed and complied. Yanasisawa-senpai lead them over to the clubhouse where he handed them uniforms, and instructed them both to change. After pointing out the way again, adding dudes left and right, he left them to join the rest of the team when they were done. When he had gone, Atsushi smiled slightly and mumbled to Yuuta, "After you, dude."

Yuuta laughed slightly and moved to go first, but had a worried thought. He said it quietly in case anyone was listening, "You don't think they ALL talk like that...do you?" It was infectious. He almost said dude at the end although he couldn't imagine why. It was so lame!

Atsushi made exaggeratedly wide eyes at him and before splashing cool water over his own face said, "I...hope not."

Refreshed, Yuuta lingered a moment too long at the sink and almost missed what happened when Atsushi walked onto the court to join Mizuki-san, their new Vice-Captain, and Yanasisawa-senpai. Atsushi walked on to the court and Mizuki-san said, "We're glad you came. Welcome Kisarazu Ryou-kun."

Yuuta was confused, but his new roommate looked like he had been slapped he was so shocked. Quickly he said politely, "Atsushi-desu." Mizuki-san made a strange little noise of confusion and Yuuta's new roommate said again, "Kisarazu Atsushi-desu." They stared stunned at him and Yuuta heard Atsushi say, "Ryou is my twin brother."

The three looked shocked at Atsushi. Around them on the other courts, people snickered behind hands or turned away with their shoulders shaking in laughter. Yuuta had a panicked thought that perhaps Mizuki-san also recruited him by accident meaning to get his own brilliant Aniki, and yet, Yuuta saw how good Atsushi was. They were identical twins, so wouldn't their playing level be the same? Yuuta wondered again why two such close twin brothers would separate, and if their parents forced them apart as they seemed to, why? It made no sense to him.

He had little time to think about it because the Vice-Captain approached him, "Fuji-kun? Nice to meet you. I'm Vice-Captain Akazawa. I'll walk you through one of our practices if you're warmed up?" He flashed a strong set of perfect white teeth in a warm smile at his joke because both Yuuta and Atsushi just a short time ago had been drenched in sweat from playing so long.

The Vice-Captain's smile though was made even warmer by his soft deep eyes and dark bronze tan. Instead of feeling defensive as he normally would have, Yuuta felt at ease and liked him instantly, even though he was waiting for the questions about his Aniki at any moment and dreading that Mizuki-san wanted his brother and not him too. But the questions never came. Instead their new Vice-Captain talked to Yuuta about how he would like to see him add some variety to his baseliner style.

He said that last year, when he was a freshman, he would have categorized his own playing style much like Yuuta's. He had been an aggressive baseliner, but now with Mizuki-san's help, he had progressed to more of an all-rounder style. He said it improved his game tremendously and also kept him more interested because two baseliners hitting back and forth, a power struggle to see who was stronger or who had more endurance rather than who was a better player really tended to get rather boring. He seemed excited to show Yuuta what he meant and they slipped easily into talk of tennis.

The Vice-Captain introduced him around, and he warmed up with Yuuta while talking to him openly about the tennis club and the changes he and Mizuki were looking to bring about. Akazawa seemed interested in Yuuta's opinions and ideas even though he was the Vice-Captain of such a strong team. And he never once asked about Syusuke--not even if he had ever heard of this other Fuji guy and were they related--which truly shocked Yuuta. Shocked and pleased him.

His new Vice-Captain at the end of practice asked how Yuuta liked St. Rudolph's so far. It had been a tough practice, but nothing Yuuta couldn't handle and he felt he had performed well. His life was looking up, and his home problems seemed a million kilometers away. Yuuta felt better than he had in months--hell in years. With an honest smile Yuuta found himself saying, "I think I really like it here. Thank you."

He and Atsushi went back to their room. Several people offered to take them along to dinner but they both begged off. They quietly agreed to each other they were too exhausted to go to dinner and they still had all that unpacking to do.

Not looking forward to it but wanting to get started, Yuuta offered to buy a pizza so they wouldn't have to worry about dinner. He was starving and knew Atsushi had to be too. The Junior hesitated and Yuuta suspected he just didn't have a lot of money. Yuuta wasn't wealthy, but he had more than enough to cover this.

Atsushi started to mumble something about how a senpai was supposed to buy for the lowerclassmen, but Yuuta cut him off in mid-mumble and said he would buy the pizza as his cost for losing. He was learning that Atsushi frequently spoke his thoughts out loud in a rambling almost mumbling monologue and he didn't mind being interrupted, but even so, Yuuta had a sense that Atsushi was still always holding something back. After a moment of hesitation, the Junior agreed.

They ordered after asking Mizuki-san for a place recommendation which lead to the team manager insisting on joining them even though he had eaten dinner with everyone else earlier. The meal and the company were good, and it made the troublesome task of unpacking seem to go by faster. Although Mizuki-san did not lift a finger to physically help them arrange their room, he did have several good suggestions like putting their desks together which gave them more space. He left them to finish when Vice-Captain Akazawa knocked on Mizuki-san's door and said he needed to talk to him. The two bid them goodnight and Yuuta wondered at their relationship when he heard Mizuki-san's adjoining door lock behind them.

When he glanced over at his roommate, Atsushi blushed and mumbled, "Of course they could just be talking, although I don't see why they had to lock the door just to talk. In an all male dorm. All alone. At night. Yes. They are probably talking." Yuuta felt a blush creeping up his face too, and a moment later they both burst out laughing and quickly covered their mouths trying to be quiet. The more they each tried to stop laughing the more they couldn't. Yuuta laughed so hard that tears streamed down his face, and he couldn't remember the last time he had laughed so much. Atsushi said when they had calmed down enough to speak, "Thanks Yuuta. I needed that."

Wiping tears away Yuuta agreed, "Yeah I did too."

A little later when they were mostly settled in their new room, Yuuta's cell phone rang. He checked the caller id, it was his Aniki calling from his own cell phone. Yuuta surprised himself when he turned his ringer off instead of answering. Their father was away. If it was an emergency, then his brother knew to call the floor phone and not his cell phone as they had talked about. Yuuta needed a fresh start, not more hurtful games from his Aniki. And his brother had Tezuka, didn't he? Yuuta was the one who had nothing, but this chance to begin anew.

He and Atsushi as quietly as possible in the shared bathroom brushed their teeth and got ready for bed. Yuuta's hearing was being hyper-sensitive between listening for possible noises coming from Mizuki-san's room, and half expecting to hear a phone down the hall ringing if his Aniki was in trouble.

They heard nothing.

Yuuta was physically and now emotionally drained as he climbed into bed, but he was now wired awake with adrenaline. He had allergies and knew the allergy pill he often had to take at night would help him to sleep so he took one. Yuuta only started taking them when their father went away because he was too afraid that even if he locked his door, he would wake up to find some horror or emergency that he couldn't be alert enough to handle.

This freedom to sleep peacefully without fear was new. New and overwhelming when he thought to himself how lucky all these people around him were to never have been through anything terrible like he and his Aniki had. Now he was lucky too and his Aniki as long as their father was away. Yuuta felt grateful and relieved for these seemingly simple blessings that most people take for granted, and yet he still felt a sliver of envy for all those people like his roommate who had never tried to fall asleep with fear lurking in the shadows.

The room was almost completely dark, the only light came from each of their dim electric alarm clocks on their desks, but the clocks faced away from their beds. Their room was also silent except for the occasional far away, down the hallway type of noise that echoed strangely. St. Rudolph's was far enough away in the suburbs that it was considered to be in the country. Seigaku was more in the city, and Yuuta couldn't even hear the familiar noise of passing cars in the silent night.

Silent until Atsushi broke it. "Yuuta?" he asked softly, "Yuuta, are you asleep?"

"No," Yuuta said with a sigh and turned from his back to his side. The bed was unfamiliar too. "I'm tired, but can't sleep."

"Me either. You'd think I could since I barely slept last night, and we played tennis most of the afternoon, but I guess it is true what they say about sleeping in unfamiliar places." Atsushi even tired mumbled.

Yuuta smiled. Curious he asked, "What do they say?"

He heard Atsushi moving around on his bed, "That you can't sleep."

Yuuta smiled more. There was a brief pause and Yuuta thought to himself that really for all their hanging out all day, he and Atsushi really hadn't talked. Not about anything personal. Yuuta wondered if it was a taboo subject although he had several questions for his roommate especially after that scene with his parents.

"He wants me to cut my hair." Atsushi sounded annoyed, "And wear a silly ribbon. It's not my fault he confused us. If I could have gone home at that point I would have, but I really can't. Do you think it's stupid of me to stay? I heard everyone laughing, but I just got here. It would be even more stupid I was thinking to turn around and go home. Not that I can go home."

Yuuta was lost in the blur of words. "What? Who wants you to cut your hair?"

"Mizuki-san because he confused my twin and I. He said he wants to always be able to tell us apart from now on, but its not like he'll see us together. I don't know. Is it strange that I'm staying?"

"No Atsushi. You're really good. You completely beat me today." It still stung how good Atsushi was. "I think they were laughing at Mizuki-san instead of you. Once they see you play, it won't matter. St. Rudolph's is lucky to have you. You should stay. Is your brother as good as you are?" Because if he was, Yuuta was impressed, and if his brother was better, like Syusuke, that would be astounding.

"Yes." Atsushi said and sounded upset, "My twin is better than me. Much better." He sighed. Yuuta had a million and one questions but Atsushi asked before Yuuta could, "Yuuta, why did you come to St. Rudolph's after the semester started?"

It had been the one question Yuuta was burning to ask Atsushi, and the one he had worried most about being asked because he knew he would hear it often. He had thought long and hard about how to answer it to most people and gave that answer first, "I...just needed a fresh start."

Atsushi made a noise that sounded like a grunt of understanding, or maybe agreement.

Yuuta waited for him to say something and nothing seemed to be forthcoming. After a bit of hesitation Yuuta decided to say more, but far from everything, "I have an older brother. He plays tennis for Seigaku, that's where I going was before. He's really good, and my entire life I've been compared to him. As long as my Aniki plays tennis for Seigaku I can't, but I couldn't give it up completely. I was playing for a private club when Mizuki-san approached me. It seemed like a great opportunity, and here I am. What about you, Atsushi?"

His roommate was quiet for a long time. Yuuta couldn't really see him in the blackness and couldn't hear him. He wondered if Atsushi had fallen asleep when he heard softly asked, "Yuuta? Have you ever been in love? Real, deep, and true love? Not the kind that people our age talk about where they lust after someone for a week and then get over them, I mean real love. The forever kind that everyone looks for and very few ever find. The kind where you feel you will die without that person. The kind that even though everyone says it's wrong, you can't give up the person because you know in your hearts, you both know with your whole soul it's right. The kind where you would do anything for the happiness of the person you love--you would lie, beg, kill, steal, even die, and you can't imagine a day going by where you can't touch them or talk to them. Ever been in love like that?"

Without hesitation, Yuuta answered, "Yes."

Yuuta heard a movement from across the room, "Really?" Atsushi asked and sounded as if he didn't believe him. "With who? Who is the girl you're so in love with like that? The one you would die for? She's back home and you're here and functioning fine? She's there and you're here because of your brother?"

Yuuta felt his defenses come rushing up. He wondered if he had been feeling a false sense of security in this new place because he had gotten his hopes up so high--too high. There was no one in the world who knew his deepest, darkest secrets, and his new roommate, no matter how much Yuuta initially liked him, was not going to dredge them up now. Yuuta's first instinct was to turn to Atsushi and tell him to go to hell, but he would be here for a long time, and he should try to get along with people. So Yuuta next thought of what his brother did when he was put off by a blunt or direct question. His Aniki always tried to drag out of the questioner why they were asking. Yuuta decided to try it and without realizing it, he smiled and softened his voice like his Aniki would have. Softly he said, "Ne, Atsushi, you haven't answered my question yet."

He heard a noise as if Atsushi flopped down on his bed, "Why I came here?" He heard a small, bitter laugh, "I'm here because I'd do anything for the person I love, even this. I'm here because I love someone everyone believes I shouldn't and this...this is my fresh start...and our...my punishment." Atsushi's voice broke on the last word and Yuuta heard him take in a deep breath.

Yuuta was stunned. He realized he had been so stuck in his own problems, he never saw most of Atsushi's. And he felt guilty because after what he saw when the guy's family left, Yuuta really should have tried to be a better friend. He should have at least asked the guy about his brother, and was just about to when he heard Atsushi turn in bed again and say, "Good night Yuuta."

Yuuta stammered, "Atsushi...I...listen if you ever need to talk...I'm a good listener." He felt so stupid and lame but he had no idea what to do or say.

"Thanks, Yuuta. We should get some sleep. Tomorrow will be another long day. Good night."

"Good night." Yuuta waited for Atsushi to say something else, but nothing else was said.

Exhausted from the day and the days before, and groggy from the allergy pill, Yuuta soon slipped into a deep sleep. He dreamed of his Aniki holding him and kissing him. It was a kiss unlike his brother had ever given him before. It was not passive at all, instead it was aggressive, filled with passion, and yet so loving it broke Yuuta's heart that he didn't answer the phone earlier when his brother called. He missed Syusuke with an ache, even while Syusuke was feverishly kissing him...

Syusuke was kissing him? Like this? For real?

Yuuta kissed him back and fought the groggy effects of the pill to struggle to full consciousness.

In a panic, he realized the person holding him and kissing him like this was not his Aniki, but it sure as hell wasn't their father either. Yuuta had a moment of wondering where the hell he was and it all came back to him in a flood.

St. Rudolph's, dorm room, night...who the hell was this?

Yuuta pulled away from the kiss and tried to be gentle. His heart was hammering in his chest with fear at being attacked or hurt again if he protested. It felt so unfair this was happening, now, here, after he had struggled to hard to escape this once and for all. Strong arms held him closer and kissing down his neck, a sleepy voice softly, contentedly murmured, "Shh...Sushu, no nornor..."

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Learning to Land