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Learning to Land	By : Suteishichic Category: Prince of Tennis/Tennis no Ohjisama > General Views: 11419 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis (Tennis no Ohjisama), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Learning to Land. Chapter Seventy Two ~Oshitari~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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Gakuto sighed and said, "Okay but first, before you say all that Yuushi, I think I gotta tell you some stuff. Things no one else knows."

Yuushi looked at him a moment and saw how seriously this suddenly was. He considered all the alternatives and what Gakuto could possibly be going to confess to him. The tensai knew in his heart that no matter what it was or how bad it seemed to be by how grave his beloved was acting, it wouldn't change anything. So Yuushi said, "I am always more than happy to listen to whatever it is you feel you have to tell me, but Gakuto," the tensai rubbed his hand along the naked skin of Gakuto's back in soft soothing circles again, "I assure you, whatever it is will not make me feel less for you. I love you."

He watched Gakuto's reaction closely because the little redhead had been tense and on the edge of getting upset for a while now. The tensai had no idea what was disturbing him, but Gakuto was acting defensive and fidgety, as he did when something was bothering him. Yuushi's inkling that Gakuto upset was confirmed when the little redhead hotly said, "Why? Why do you love me? You don't even really know me. Think about it Yuushi, you might think you know me and all, but you don't. And I don't know you!"

Clearly Gakuto was pushing him away, but the tensai could not fathom why. Yuushi thought fast and said perplexed, "What don't I know that I should?"

Suddenly angry, the little redhead blurted, "You don't know...!" and stopped. He clamped his lips shut and shook his head no.

Gakuto made a heavy sigh through pursed lips and then he spoke in a small, quiet voice, "You don't know that I've done things, some really terrible things. I'm not...not a good person..." Gakuto was wavering and Yuushi watched him struggle. The tensai realized Gakuto was on the verge of pushing him away, and yet wanting to pull him closer both at the same time. This was more than just a test, and then suddenly, Yuushi understood what was going on.

The tensai mentally kicked himself because with all that had happened that day, Yuushi hadn't noticed Gakuto fighting his growing feelings for him. Yuushi had expected this to happen, only not so soon. The tensai had surmised after long and careful observation and empirical data that his dearest beloved Gakuto, when it came to love, was an agoraphobic claustrophobic.

His darling did not function well completely out of a relationship. Gakuto needed the comfort and self-esteem boost that came from someone liking or loving him. He was almost addicted to the high of a new romance; the tensai had jealously watched Gakuto time and time again "fall" for a different person seemingly every other week. It didn't matter if Gakuto already was dating someone else when he met this new "perfect" person; the fiery redhead searched for his next conquest before the last one was dead and buried.

When he found that next person, actually when that next person stepped forward and expressed an interest in Gakuto, if that person met certain criteria, meaning basically if that person was popular or attractive enough, then Gakuto would throw himself into the new affair with wild abandon. For the next few days Gakuto was consumed with his new affair. He was with that person constantly, and when they were not together that person was all the little redhead could talk about or apparently think of. Even though it was always someone who expressed an interest in Gakuto first, still the little redhead went all out to make the other person like him even more. Guy or girl, Gakuto flirted and pursued and teased and seduced and wooed until he secured the person's heart and solidified the relationship into something official.Or as official as anything could be in Junior High--especially when you frequently chose to date people of your own gender.

However, immediately upon the relationship becoming official and established, right then like a claustrophobic stuck in a tennis locker, Gakuto panicked. He went from moving the relationship forward at full speed to slamming on the brakes and driving away as fast as possible in reverse. All he wanted at that point was out and away leaving the person devastated and completely perplexed.

Gakuto could "fall in love" with someone on a Monday after they confessed to him, pursue them hotly all week, and by Friday he would be burned out and complaining to the tensai that the person would not leave him alone. By the following Monday Gakuto would be exasperated with the person who was confused and upset because things had changed so dramatically. By the end of the week, the person was completely replaced. Gakuto was disgusted with the old and into something new. Gakuto's only interest was in the next person and he did everything he could to cut all ties with the previous, now confused, person he had liked so seemingly much just a week before.

Even while he was stuck in Sato's web, apparently not even Sato had been able to break Gakuto of this pattern. Gakuto only stopped dating men.During that period Gakuto continued to date and date, but he focused completely on girls. Gakuto was extremely popular, athletic, stylish, well built, and had a beautiful face, so there was a constant bevy of admirers for him to choose from. Anyone was lucky to have him and many did for around one to two weeks before he unceremoniously dumped them. Gakuto's reasons usually varied but they were just excuses of too short, too tall, too thin, not thin enough, too bossy, too shy, and of course, that they called him constantly was usually his main complaint.

This pattern and proclivity completely fascinated the tensai. Even before he discovered his feelings for the little redhead he was amazed and amused by Gakuto's dating ritual. After knowing how he felt, and still knowing the inevitable two-week turnaround would happen,Yuushi still found himself week after week jealous each time Gakuto was completely taken away from him by some new interest. Similarly, Yuushi only felt comforted and relieved the following week when Gakuto returned to his side complaining in loud and explicit terms about the person who only a few days before he seemed so sure was the one for him. Unfortunately, the comfort for the tensai only lasted until the next week when the ritual began all over again, and the jealousy followed.

Yuushi even researched the pattern to discover how he might alter it for them to successfully be together. He discovered in short, that Gakuto was horrifically commitment-phobic. Due to Gakuto's background and him hiding his past, this was more than logically understandable to the tensai, and from his research both in novel form and in psychological writings on commitment-phobia, the tensai learned every commitment-phobic had a specific trigger that set him or her off.

The tensai set out to discover exactly what trigger set Gakuto off running, and surmised that if he never hit the trigger, he could change Gakuto's patterns--provided he simultaneously gave Gakuto the high feelings he was seemingly addicted to in the beginning. After long and careful research the tensai came up with one clear answer. Sex.

Gakuto's trigger was sex.

Gakuto used sex like a drug. This Yuushi had seen firsthand. Sex for Gakuto was a big issue, especially after what happened to him, and his solution was to get it over with each new person as quickly as possible. He was the kind of person who didn't admit he did not know how or could not do something. Instead Gakuto would try it, act like it didn't phase him, and in essence, practice on the sly or fake it until he made it look good.

When Gakuto saw a new acrobatic routine or a new tennis move, he didn't hesitate to try it himself. Often the first time around he would fail, but he would try again and again until he was satisfied. The tensai had seen Gakuto teach himself to dive off the school's diving boards. Yuushi at the time had been habitually following Gakuto and was surprised to see the little redhead one night make his way to the school's indoor swimming pool. The tensai surmised the little redhead was anxious to dive probably because he wanted to incorporate some gymnastics techniques possible even for use on the tennis courts. Or it was even possible that Gakuto had been made fun of for not knowing how to dive, and so he went off on his own to teach himself.

Fascinated, the tensai hid and watched Gakuto fail for hours, over and over again. Even when the redhead had belly flopped with a resounding hard smack of pain that made Yuushi groan softly in empathy, he crawled out of the water wincing. Talking harshly to himself, Gakuto went back and tried again and again. Exhausted and angry, Gakuto had left late several nights in a row still unable to dive to his own satisfaction.

He returned each evening after practice and again did it over and over until he learned. As soon as he could dive reasonably well, Gakuto immediately started trying to do running flips off the diving board. For two weeks he taught himself tricks for hours every night until the tensai could see his legs shaking from exhaustion. Though tempted to help, Yuushi had discovered that when Gakuto was in a mood like this to leave him alone and let him do it on his own.

So, Yuushi did the only thing he could. He nightly watched over him, making sure he didn't hurt himself too badly, and then followed him home to make certain the exhausted guy got home safely. Eventually, Gakuto was apparently satisfied he had learned what he needed to and just one night did not go to the pool. A day later, the tensai discovered that Atobe a month before had been idly talking about inviting his favorite sub-regulars to one of his family's country estates for a weekend. Casually, the Vice-Captain had mentioned he expected Gakuto to be able to amuse them all with a stunning display of acrobatic dives.

It wasn't until about six months later that the tensai discovered the whole truth from Taki. Gakuto up until then could barely swim let alone dive. He taught himself all of that by sheer determination alone--without ever mentioning he didn't know how to anyone.

And the party? Atobe got distracted with Shishido and forgot to have it. Or perhaps he never intended to in the first place. Interestingly, Gakuto never said a word about it, and he never again went to practice diving, but the tensai knew Gakuto would remember how if he ever needed to. Gakuto became very interested in something or someone, and then once he had wrung all their secrets out, he was no longer intrigued.

Like with sex. It seemed that Gakuto always dumped the person he was so into immediately after they had sex. Sex for him seemed to be as far as he could go in a relationship. Yuushi hypothesized that if someone knew how to slow the little redhead down, he would develop feelings for the person. Gakuto was incredibly loyal to the people he was close to, but he was not close to many people. While he seemed to be friends with everyone, the few people he confided anything to were only a select few other guys on the tennis team. Atobe, Jiroh, Kabaji, previously Taki, and the tensai knew with unabashed pride, the one person Gakuto confided in most of all was him.

He also knew it had started at first because Gakuto at that time believed Yuushi an idiot incapable of understanding most of what he said. It never bothered the tensai though, because what it meant was that not only would Gakuto confide in him the most, but also when the group of them were gathered, it was next to Yuushi that Gakuto naturally always gravitated to stand or sit beside.

Yuushi knew he was taking a huge risk by delaying having sex with Gakuto. It was however, a calculated one because the tensai had hoped for Gakuto to slowly fall in love with him during the delay. He was encouraged when he had serious misgivings, and Gakuto of all people reminded him that waiting was what most people do. That coming from someone who seemingly never waited was as encouraging as when the little redhead later told the tensai, to his shock and joy, that Gakuto really liked him. With everything they had been through, Yuushi felt their bond increasing along with Gakuto's feelings for him--but the tensai had been so happy that he forgot to watch out for the warning signs.

Gakuto all day had been restless and uncomfortable and Yuushi cringed to recall this was how he got in the past whenever he was on the verge of being "bothered" by someone he had just a day or a few hours before seemingly really liked. The tensai had stupidly forgotten about the phobia part of commitment-phobia and quickly reassessed his incorrect prior hypothesis.

Gakuto's trigger wasn't sex. It was commitment. It was being tied down to one person, or maybe the little redhead was just so scared of getting hurt that he shut down whenever he got too close. As Yuushi was closest to him, Gakuto was clearly stuck between wanting to pull him closer and push him away, and of course the tensai blamed himself for not noticing sooner.

Apparently Gakuto developed feelings for him much faster than the tensai had originally anticipated. Ideally, what Yuushi knew was best to do right now was to give Gakuto space. Only when the person feeling pressured has space and time away from you can they start to miss you, and in that space, they then realize their feelings are true. Unfortunately, he and Gakuto did not have the luxury of space or time as they lived together and saw each other constantly. Yuushi was unsure how to quickly rectify the situation.

Yuushi felt like he was balanced on the edge of a knife blade. Gakuto was a survivor. He knew how to get through just about anything, and his survival instincts were finely honed to protect him from any and all hurt, real or imagined, here or around the corner, today or next week. If Yuushi made a wrong step now, a step too close or a step too far away, Gakuto would be very hurt and to protect himself he would push the tensai away, probably by means of physical violence. Gakuto would close up completely to protect himself, and might never face his feelings. On the other hand, if the tensai continued to push and was too demonstrative in his attentions and affections, it could be worse because Gakuto could feel smothered and simply overwhelmed and want out. He wouldn't push the tensai away so much as fight him off and not look back.

Yuushi beat himself up over his selfish indulgence of the romantic bath. Gakuto had clearly wanted to end it but the tensai had been so contented, he forgot the larger picture for a moment's pleasure. He was lost in his fantasy of Gakuto completely wanting him and giving himself to the little redhead without thinking what would be best for the person he loved the most. He vowed to never do that again.

The tensai went to adjust his glasses but to his further annoyance discovered he had removed them earlier. He wondered idly how long that had been a habit whenever he gathered his thoughts. By the small smile Gakuto showed for an instant, it had been a habit for quite some time. Yuushi sighed, which thankfully gifted him with another quick small flash of a smile from Gakuto.

Putting that aside, the tensai decided on a moderate course of action. One that might mean Gakuto came to him, but one he had a way out of if it seemed to be not working. Absently the tensai tried to think of alternative plans in case this failed because he was determined to not lose this chance Gakuto had given him.

Yuushi asked, "Do you truly believe I don't know you? Do you not understand how long I have been watching you or why it is I am always around you? First and foremost, I have always been your friend. I see you Gakuto, even when other people don't, I see how you are. I know you."

Yuushi smiled wanly, "I saw what you did today for Ohtori after Sato said something and even if the freshman does not understand how much you helped him, or Taki, or Shishido, or anyone else, I do. You secured the freshman's position on the sub-regulars, and you started a harmless rumor to cover up what happened to your friend Kiyoshi. You did this even though you were tired, stressed, and even knowing that you would look to anyone not in the loop like a heartless bastard. You did without a second�s hesitation for the consequences to yourself and you did it because you are a good person. That is how you are Gakuto, and I do see you."

Yuushi smiled, "There are things that until this week I did not know about you, and I know you've learned many things about me. I don't know if it's possible to know everything about a person, but I do know you and I like what I see. I always have."

The tensai thought that would get at least an eye-roll or a small smile but instead, Gakuto looked even more distraught. In a small voice still he said, "I lied to everyone Yuushi. I lied to my family, friends, doctors, police, you...even my Mom! I lied to all of them." Gakuto put his index and middle fingertips in his mouth and began to suck on them. He did this when he was concentrating on something, usually on the computer, but he also had this habit when he was very upset. The tensai was sure Gakuto was unaware he did this, and to stop him as he usually did, Yuushi moved his hand away from his mouth. In the past when he did it, the tensai would make the excuse that he was unable to hear something Gakuto was saying.

Secretly, Yuushi loved the small gesture. He would be lost for a few moments watching Gakuto's dark pink lips around his fingertips and occasionally see his tongue flash for an instant between his fingers. Even better had been when he would move the redhead's fingers aside, occasionally Yuushi's hand would have on it a spot of wetness from Gakuto's mouth. He knew it was absurd but the first time it happened, Yuushi understood the fangirls suddenly. He had once heard a fangirl at say after a practice when some of Atobe's sweat accidentally landed on her arm that she would never wash her arm again. At that moment, the tensai had been so shocked and happy he was torn between wanting to secretly lick his own skin to sharing an indirect kiss with Gakuto or to never wash his hand again.

This time however, on an impulse that the tensai could only attribute to an instinct, although he would admit it was also based in desire, when the tensai removed Gakuto's fingers from his mouth, Yuushi put them in his own.

Gakuto looked at him surprised, "I still do that?"

Yuushi licked the tips of Gakuto's fingers with the tip of his tongue but didn't let them go. He said with a small smile around them in his mouth, "Sometimes." Yuushi removed them for a moment to explain, "But only when you're concentrating on the computer or when you're very stressed. I've never seen you do it in school, or in front of other people, only around me." The tensai put Gakuto's fingertips back into his mouth.

"Oh." Gakuto must have been surprised, because he let the tensai continue licking the tips of his fingers without rolling his eyes or protesting. "Wanna know why I do that? Where it comes from?"

Yuushi nodded but Gakuto had already continued as if this was something he needed to get off his chest, "After what happened to me, when I was in the hospital and couldn't remember stuff and I had to learn everything all over, there was a computer program they used. All the answers were yes or no or A or B because I was too stupid to have more than two choices." He looked at the tensai, "No, really I was. I have brain damage from it. Don't make fun of me Yuushi! Most people only use ten percent of their brain and I'm just as smart as anyone else! Well, maybe not you, but everyone else!"

Yuushi took Gakuto's fingers out of his mouth only long enough to say sincerely, "I happen to think you're extremely intelligent. You're one of the brightest people I know. I would never suspect you had any kind of injury or trauma as you've had and I can't imagine how hard you must have worked to overcome it. You know a lot of things that I don't, Gakuto, and you're an excellent teacher."

Yuushi put his fingers back into his mouth but knew that part of what he said was a lie. He could imagine the hours and hours of work the guy went through but only because he knew the awesome will and determination that made up a large percentage of who Gakuto was. Perhaps because of that will, Gakuto actually was a very good teacher, and had taught the tensai many things computer-wise and people-wise. Yuushi knew he couldn't fall for someone who was not highly intelligent, and he hoped Gakuto knew that about the tensai too.

Gakuto looked at him for a long moment as if testing Yuushi to see if he was making fun of him. Then the little redhead shrugged, but because the tensai knew him, he knew he was placated and soothed. "It was hard. I didn't understand things. I couldn't read. I couldn't write. I couldn't remember anything or anyone, pretty much. The more they told me what happened to me, the more I couldn't really believe it. I mean, I was all messed up and I knew something happened, but it didn't seem possible, you know? They told me things slowly too so I wouldn't get upset, but it just kept getting worse and worse. I'd look at pictures of my family and friends and stuff, and I didn't remember anything."

Yuushi licked his fingertips, but didn't reach out his hand to soothe him. The tensai wanted to, very much. So much it was almost instinctive. The urge to comfort him was so strong, but Yuushi knew he had to hold back so Gakuto didn't feel smothered.

Gakuto took his fingers out of the tensai's mouth, "I don't do it like that. I do it like this..." He moved closer and put his fingers back. Yuushi let him and saw it was not so much a lick or biting his fingernails, but almost a gesture someone would do with their tongue if they burned their fingers on a hot stove. "I was only supposed to use the therapy computer stuff for an hour a day, but since I couldn't get out of bed and I couldn't sleep because I was in a lot of pain, I used it constantly. This finger was yes or A, and this finger was no or B depending on what it was. I pressed the buttons so much I got blisters. My other hand was too hurt to use and I tried to use my other fingers but you only have so long to answer the questions, and those fingers didn't move so well yet, so even though it hurt, I kept doing it. But my fingers hurt like hell, so in all the hospital pictures you see me looking stupid like that with my fingers in my mouth. Damn, I didn't know I still did it though."

Around his fingertips, Yuushi asked, "They took pictures of you in the hospital?" This seemed strange to the tensai.

"Well yeah, of course they did. They didn't think for a while I was gonna live, remember? And I was there for a long time, months. It was a bad time for my parents. My Dad had just opened his first store, so they didn't have a lot of money, and they were trying to move, because where we lived, the neighborhood I guess was kinda bad. We had a house fire and my parents ended up having to move. But I don't remember much of that or of the house really, just the new one that I moved into when I got out of the hospital. And the one they live in now. It's a lot nicer. It's really big, and we all have our own rooms. Even me, although I don't really live there." Gakuto grinned sheepishly, "Bet it�s really puny compared to where you live. Hell, I think our entire upstairs with five bedrooms can fit in this hotel room alone."

Yuushi smiled, "Your house sounds very nice." He had a thought, "If you'd like sometime, perhaps you can come home with me? I'd like that."

Gakuto instantly went into bargaining mode, "Is it really nice, like Atobe's one near school or his country place we stayed at over the summer? Does it have the gaming room and all that?"

Yuushi shook his head smiling, "No. My parents would never allow that." He chuckled a little at the thought of his prim and proper parents allowing video games to be the theme for an entire room. "We'd stay in the hotel. It's a very modern one, actually nicer than this, and there is a great arcade nearby. And a new and nice movie theater." He saw Gakuto was excited and going to ask him technical questions, "I was only there once, and don't know about anything regarding the sound or video, but the seats are rocking chairs that move when there is an explosion on screen and have individual audio controls. And we could see whatever you'd like."

The little redhead shrugged, "Sure. But it's not like you go home a lot."

The tensai thought aloud, "It would be different if you were with me. I'd like to. Perhaps one weekend soon when we don't have a game?"

Gakuto shrugged again, "Yeah, okay, I guess. Hey Yuushi? What was your first time like?"

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Learning to Land