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Learning to Land	By : Suteishichic Category: Prince of Tennis/Tennis no Ohjisama > General Views: 11419 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis (Tennis no Ohjisama), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Learning to Land. Chapter Seventy Four ~Fuji Yuuta~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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Fingers softly pinched and toyed with one of Yuuta's nipples in a really nice way. Despite Yuuta's fear and confusion, he was absently aware that this was nice. The kissing had been sweet and soft and so loving�like Yuuta had always wanted his Aniki to kiss him. Nuzzling his ear, that voice said so tenderly, "Ryroo loves Shushu..."

That warm sexy mouth kissed Yuuta's again, and a hand ran through Yuuta's hair in a caress for a moment before cursing loudly and startling to full awareness.

Atsushi pushed Yuuta away with a curse, "What are you doing!"

Yuuta hadn't expected to be pushed or asked that, as if Yuuta were the one doing something wrong. He felt confused, afraid, and extremely embarrassed. His embarrassment fueled his anger and his fear gave Yuuta an extra surge of adrenaline, "What the hell do you mean what am I doing? You're in my bed kissing me!"

"What...I...I am? Oh." Atsushi looked around confused and cursed again. It was pre-dawn and Yuuta could see him slightly now in the now dimly lit room, "But...you kissed...!"

"You...kissed me...first!" Yuuta spat back lamely. Yuuta thought of something else to yell at him, but his roommate's face fell.

Atsushi suddenly looked like he was going to cry, and reminded Yuuta of how his roommate was earlier when their parents were there.

Yuuta's own anger turned to ice, and the cold turned to concern at how upset his roommate suddenly became, "Hey...Atsushi? Hey, it's okay. Really, we'll probably laugh about this later. It's all right. I just thought you were someone else and you probably thought I was someone else, your girlfriend, you know? It's cool. No big deal. We were both asleep." Yuuta patted him and then pulled him into an awkward hug despite the discomfort of the situation, because Atsushi was so upset. He felt his roommate actually shaking in his arms. "It's cool. It's okay...dude." Yuuta thought at least that would make Atsushi smile, but it didn't.

He held Yuuta closer instead and said in a tight voice, "Sorry...really sorry. We can't...I can't do this. We...tried but can't. Can't. Can't do anything right anymore. Can't get through this without him. Can't without him. Can't get through this alone." His words came faster and his voice rose higher as he got more and more upset.

Syusuke sometimes got upset like this and Yuuta from long practice knew what to do, "Hey," he said it softly, "I'm right here. You're not alone." Yuuta held his roommate, and rocked him gently the same way he did his Aniki sometimes. After a moment he felt Atsushi's body yield to the embrace and settle into his arms. "Shh...It's okay. It's okay now. You're not alone. You're safe. It's okay." Yuuta continued to talk to him saying those comforting things he always did to Syusuke. Atsushi never broke into actual tears but his breathing after a while calmed down and his grip on Yuuta lessened when he finally relaxed. "First days are hard, but after this it will be easier."

Still sounding upset, Atsushi said, "Easier? Maybe for you, but not for us..."

Yuuta guessed he meant his twin, "Have you ever been apart before? You and your twin?" Yuuta missed his Aniki terribly, but it wasn't as if they did everything together. It wasn't like he and Syusuke were twins.

Atsushi smiled a little and pulled back to look at him. "Only once. We tried to go to different houses for a sleepover with friends. We mixed up the invitations and decided one of us would go to one place and the other to the other place. We were seven years old and ended up calling our parents at midnight. We both called from both of the places at the same time begging to come home. We've never tried to sleep apart again since then."

Some of Atsushi's long hair was stuck to his cheek and Yuuta absently brushed it back. His roommate was still so upset, "Not once since then. We've always even been sick at the same time. We've never even had to spend one day in school without each other. It feels like only half of me is here. Keep looking for him and expecting him to be right beside me and he's here," he tapped his heart with his hand, "but he's not here." Atsushi's voice cracked again on the last word as he gestured at their room. "He's not here, and it hurts so much that he isn't here...can't believe it. Can't do this. Can't do this alone. Can't..." He was getting upset again.

Yuuta thought out loud, "Can you call him? Because he's probably missing you too. Maybe call his cell phone? Just to say goodnight?"

Atsushi's voice broke again, "No. Can't. Not allowed. If there were any way to talk to him, any way at all even just for five minutes... If I'm this upset here then he's worse at home. Can feel him. Can feel how upset he is, but we're not allowed to talk to each other or contact each other at all. And if we break the rules, then our parents won't bring him here this Sunday to visit...we won't even get to see each other at all for another week or more..." Atsushi's voice cracked as if in pain and horror at just the thought.

He looked so distraught, but still, Yuuta had to ask, "And what about your girlfriend? You miss her but you're not allowed to talk to her either?"

Atsushi looked confused, "My? Oh, yeah. Exactly."

Yuuta was curious, "Who do you miss more?"

Atsushi said with a strange look on his face, "Both. Both more than anything." He looked up at Yuuta, "Sorry. What about you? Do you miss your girlfriend? Is that who called earlier when you didn't answer your phone? Why didn't you talk to her?"

"Oh. Uh...yeah. Well..." Yuuta tried to find some answer and to his surprise, he found it wasn't as hard as he thought it was going to be. It just required that he switch some pronouns around, "it's kinda messed up. I've known her my whole life."

In fact, Yuuta realized he could say even more than he thought he could. He could say more than he ever dared to anyone before, "Her father abused her when she was little, until recently actually, and she and I have always been together in between people she gets crushes on. She's always dating other people. I've always been there for her, waiting for her, and she loves me, just not enough. Just not like a boyfriend. She didn't want me to go here, and even offered to come here with me, but at the same time there's this new guy she likes, and he, I mean she, is all into this new guy like crazy. She didn't even really say goodbye to me or spend any time with me before I left. I wanted to talk to her earlier when she called because I love her and I miss her, but I knew that it would only hurt and upset me so I didn't answer. I just can't listen anymore to her go on and on about her new guy, and the whole thing, it just...it really just...hurts." Yuuta's voice almost broke on the last word.

Atsushi put his arms around him, patted his back, and chuckled slightly, "Aren't we a pair? Mizuki-san said we had a lot in common. Wonder how much he really knows...?"

Yuuta half panicked, and then had a thought. He relaxed laughed slightly at it, "Mizuki-san doesn't know all that much if he thought you were your twin. You guys really don't look that much alike."

Atsushi pulled back to look at him. He smiled widely for the first time, "Really? We don't think so either, but everyone says we're identical. Did you know that our parents can't tell us apart? They made...me cut my hair after...um...just before going here was decided. Our parents said they never wanted to confuse us again. They said some nonsense about us having our own personalities, but if you knew both of us, really get to know us, you'd see we are completely different. Like night and day different. Isn't that terrible when your own parents can't tell you apart? My brother really cried over them making me doing that. It's just stupid hair. It grows back. Hey, how'd you get that scar, Yuuta?"

His Aniki was a fast thinker, but Atsushi had this habit of completely changing topics halfway through saying something else. "Huh? Oh, this one?" Yuuta fingered the one on his head. "Awful looking isn't it? About a month ago during a match in the rain, the court was slick and I slid. Like an idiot I slammed face first into the net. Got a rope burn. It's much better than it was. My Aniki says the scar should fade over time. He wanted to buy me this special cream for scars but it's not like I'm some girl." Yuuta rolled his eyes. "Is it bad? It looks stupid doesn't it? I won the match by the way."

Atsushi shrugged, "Cool. Nah, it doesn't look bad. It'll fade. Have a really cool one where my appendix was taken out. Wanna see?"

Yuuta smiled, "Yeah. Hey, does your brother have one?"

"You know what? He actually does! Check this out. About an hour after surgery was started, my twin started saying his side hurt too. The doctors dismissed it as sympathy pains, and sent him home. A few hours later he was rushed into the emergency room to get his out too. It's not contagious or anything. The doctors said they never saw anything like it before. His scar is a little longer than mine, just slightly. They were worried his appendix burst and there would be complications, but they got to it just in time. We were lucky. Our parents couldn't believe it when we woke up from surgery and he was in the bed next to mine, smiling at me with this grin he always has when he shows everyone he's right or when he gets his way with something. But you want to know the weirdest thing? The thing we really don't tell anyone else?"

Yuuta nodded completely interested in the tale, "What?"

Atsushi showed him his scar, "Feel it, it's kinda cool, it sticks up. My brother's kind of goes in but mine sticks up." Atsushi said in almost a whisper, "The weirdest thing that we don't tell anyone else is, and swear this is the truth. Before eyes opened, already knew my twin was there and that he was fine. We can do that with each other. Sense each other all the time. And we both knew that we sensed each other there and everything was fine, so that is why he was smiling." He looked defensively at Yuuta and said, "It�s true whether you want to believe it or not."

It was taking Yuuta a while to get used to Atsushi's strange speech. At first during dinner when Yuuta noticed it, he thought maybe it was a regional dialect or an accent, but it was more a style of speech Atsushi had. Yuuta wondered if, like other twins he had seen, it was because Atsushi was used to Ryou finishing his sentences for him, or if it was because Atsushi had always been part of a close knit unit, a constant everyday we, that the pronouns I, me, and my were seldom used. Unless it was the phrase my twin, Atsushi rarely used personal pronouns. Instead he often referred to himself or something on him at first as us, we, and our, and it almost sounded like a small child would talk because of the omissions.

He felt the raised scar which as Atsushi promised was cool and impressive. Yuuta reassured his roommate, "I believe you. I'm not that close with my brother, but sometimes I can sense stuff going on with him. Like, my Aniki also plays tennis. He was at this training camp a while back and all this bad stuff happened to him, my family and I were on vacation in the USA, and even though we were thousands of kilometers away, I knew we had to get back. I knew he was in trouble. I don't know how I knew, but I did." Yuuta thought out loud, "Damn, twins must be like that but a hundred times more."

Atsushi gravely nodded to him, "It is even more...wait...Fuji, Yuuta, brother, tennis, training camp, trouble...do you know Saeki Koujirou? He plays for Rokkuku�where we went to school before and is in our...my class. Tall, fast, left handed like you are, also into kendo."

Yuuta felt embarrassed, "Yeah. I know him. We kinda grew up together until he moved away. He's my Aniki's oldest friend."

Atsushi looked stricken, "He is? He's a good friend to us�to me�too. Especially lately. He talks about you sometimes."

Another fast subject change and Yuuta raced to catch up. Atsushi talked like he played tennis. Just when you were sure what his next move was, he went somewhere completely unexpected. "He does? Maybe about my Aniki, but not about me. I haven't talked to him in a long time, years. What does he say?"

Atsushi shrugged, "Nothing. Forget it. Next time talk to Saeki say hello for you. We are good friends so..."

Yuuta felt dread in the pit of his stomach. Saeki knew. Yuuta knew he knew what happened in the Fuji family. They never talked about it unless Syusuke told him, and Saeki never knew anything happened with Yuuta and their father, but Saeki surely knew or suspected about his Aniki. Quietly he demanded, "Tell me what he said."

Yuuta wondered if the gods or the universe were out to get him. He could not catch a break no matter how he tried. "Tell me."

Atsushi shrugged and went to move away, "Should have kept quiet. Sorry. Should go back to our own bed, and..."

Yuuta held him tight, "Tell me! Tell me what he said. What did he tell you?"

"All right. Tell you, if you calm down. It's not that big a deal. Should never have mentioned it. Saeki said that when he was younger, when you all were younger, that the three of you used to kiss and fool around and stuff. You know, just kid stuff." Atsushi took a deep breath and then started mumbling, "He said that your brother liked kissing him better, but Saeki liked kissing you better. It's not a big deal, and we are good friends. We are...I am the only one who knows, me and my twin. We're not going to say anything or tell anyone, so it isn't a big deal. Lots of guys do things like that when they're young. Not tell anyone. You're the only one we�I know here. And to be totally technical about it, we kissed too. And Saeki was right, you do kiss very well, although you probably got better as you grew up and after your girlfriend because you probably practiced a lot with her..."

Feeling like someone punched him in the gut and close to panicking, Yuuta asked, "What else? What else did he tell you? Tell me what else Saeki said. Tell me all everything else."

Atsushi was looking at him like he was crazy. Yuuta felt close to tears. Atsushi said, "Why are you so upset? There isn't anything else. That's all he said, and honestly, it isn't a big deal that something like that happened or that you did something like that when you were younger. He never said anything bad about you or your brother, not once. Saeki isn't like that, you know him so you know how he is. Yuuta?"

Yuuta couldn't answer. He was far too upset and tried to calm himself down. He refused to cry over this especially to his new roommate, but a long uncomfortable silence stretched around them.

Atsushi touched the scar that was on his forehead. He traced one line going one way and then the other going the other, and then took a deep breath. "Hey Yuuta? Do you want to know the real reason why we were split up? Didn't lie to you�just didn't say the whole truth. My parents did catch me with someone they didn't approve of, but the �someone� love isn't a girlfriend. The �someone� everyone doesn't think that...I should be in love with isn't a girl at all. It's a guy. My parents caught us together and went crazy over it. They were going to send me overseas or to a military school, but Mizuki-san happened along right then with another alternative�here�and we...I grabbed it. So there is no problem knowing about you and Saeki kissing or fooling around or whatever when you were younger..."

"Are you in love with Saeki?" Yuuta had to know, but he recognized it as only a burning curiosity because his brother once was so smitten with the guy.

Atsushi laughed as if in surprise, "Saeki? No. He's our good friend through this, but that's all. He's a nice guy but completely not the type like. Have a very specific type, only one person will do. One person who will spend forever with."

"So you're gay?" Yuuta didn't know what he was, but only his Aniki had ever talked this openly about things like this with him before.

Atsushi shrugged and then smiled, "Don't know. Never thought about it. Always knew would spend forever with this person and he happens to be a guy, so guess so. But like girls too. We...the person I love, he and I, we have fooled around with a girl a few times, and there's this other girl we, both of us...my twin and I date sometimes, but she doesn't know we both date her."

"She doesn't know?" Yuuta scarcely believed this.

"It was before hair was cut, we look alike, and technically she's not my twin's girlfriend, but she has no idea. She's not exactly a deep thinker, you know? Sometimes wouldn't feel like going out when we had plans so he would go in my place. He likes to listen and she likes to talk. And talk. And talk. But she's nice. And pretty. It was always good to have a girlfriend so no one suspected, and she seemed happy so..."

"Will she date your twin now?" Yuuta was curious.

Atsushi shrugged, "Dunno. Guess so. It would be good for him. He's really upset right now. He's very hurt and lonely."

A pained look crossed his face again. To distract him Yuuta asked, "So even though you're going through all this, you still think you'll end up with the person you love?"

"Yes. Know we will be together. Always known. Remember that person you would do anything for? That's him for me, and me for him. This is my fault. Screwed things up huge, but somehow he forgives. My fault we got caught because careless, and will do whatever have to so that this is made right. He deserves every chance, and all the things couldn't give him if we were to run away together at our age. He's smart; he loves school and learning. He deserves to go to a good university and become whatever he wants. He's earned it. After we graduate and have jobs, if our parents then decide that they still don't want to see us together, we decided that we would forget them. We will be sad but we want to live our lives together on our own terms, but until then, will sacrifice anything for him to be happy. Even this."

Yuuta had a worry, "Oh no. Will he be really upset that you kissed me?"

Atsushi smiled, "You kissed back. No. He'll be surprised, but not upset. We agreed that we could do things while we're apart to an extent. We love each other, and we trust each other completely. Kissing someone else won't begin to touch what we have. He'll be surprised because it happened so soon, but he'll probably laugh when tell him in the middle of the night molested my new roommate thinking it was him." He chuckled slightly, "Again, really sorry, Yuuta. Thanks for not being violent or anything else like that, by the way. You could have been a real bastard about it."

Yuuta shrugged and chuckled, "S'okay." He thought for a moment and then decided to confess something else, "Atsushi, the person I'm in love with, it's not a girl either. It's a guy. I just�I thought you should know since you told me."

Atsushi looked at him with wide eyes, "The one who was abused? Who keeps dating other guys?"

Yuuta nodded. He'd kind of had forgotten how much he had told his new roommate. Trusting someone new was scary and wonderful both at once.

Atsushi's brow creased, "Oh. Sorry. Can't imagine how hard that must be. If the person I love finds someone to kiss and fool around with, know it doesn't matter. Know it's just physical. Know he loves me and only me, and me him and only him. It's strange for other people to understand, but we never feel jealous because we're soul mates. We are two halves who make one whole only when together. In fact, in a way want him to find someone for him to fool around with because it would fill some of the loneliness he feels without me around. But can't ever, ever, ever imagine having a rival for his heart or him have one for mine. Would hurt too much. Hurts too much to think about him having someone else. Can't imagine. Must be so hard...can see why you had to get away..."

Tears pricked Yuuta's eyes as he thought wryly to himself that Atsushi had no idea how hard. He had it easy just going to another school knowing the person he loved really loved him back.

"No offense, Yuuta but the guy you love sounds like a real idiot. Or maybe he is just too messed up after what happened to him. You're a great guy. Thanks again for not being angry, and for talking. Never thought we would find a real friend here, not one as good as Saeki to talk any of this over with. It doesn't make it hurt less, but knowing you're kinda going through this too, it somehow helps." He mussed Yuuta's hair, and announced, "And now, as embarrassing as it is, better go to the bathroom..."

Yuuta looked at him confused, and wondered why. Not that Atsushi couldn't use the washroom whenever he needed, but the embarrassed way he said it was so strange.

Atsushi explained, blushing slightly, "Because we were kissing, and have been laying here half dressed with you, and been talking and thinking of person love and miss him, and now it's painful. So, if you'll excuse, have some business to attend to..." He gestured and Yuuta suddenly understood.

"Just do it here..." The words were out of Yuuta's mouth before he even thought them through, but even as he cringed after saying it, he realized he sort of wanted to do this. In a way, it was another step away from his Aniki. Other than Saeki and Syusuke, Yuuta had never willingly touched or kissed another person. Yuuta was also hard from the kissing and the closeness, but more than anything, he wanted to see if Atsushi would again kiss him in that way. That so sweet, loving way that was exactly how Yuuta had always wanted someone to kiss him�the way he dreamed his Aniki would someday.

Atsushi looked at him surprised.

Yuuta stammered, "Forget it...I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking..."

Atsushi looked at him seriously, "Yuuta, if we do this, it has to only be as two friends. Can't ever have feelings of more than friends because already love someone with whole heart and soul. There is no room in my heart for anyone but this person, and there never ever will be. Will spend my life with him. Have to make sure you understand. Yuuta is heartbroken but can't be your rebound. Yuuta is only a friend when needed one�a good new friend, and don't want to do anything to jeopardize our new friendship. Are you really cool with this? This is just a physical...release two good friends share, right?"

Yuuta was annoyed. As if he was gonna fall for this guy! "Of course. Look if you don't want..."

Atsushi smiled and then suddenly kissed whatever else Yuuta was going to say away. He didn't linger on Yuuta's lips sweetly as he had before when half asleep, instead he kissed Yuuta hard and passionately. Yuuta looked at him in surprise and a touch of fear remembering bad things, hard, forceful things.

Atsushi's eyes were closed and Yuuta guessed his roommate in his mind's eye was only seeing that person that he loved. Right then, Atsushi's eyes snapped open and looked questioningly at him, "What's wrong?" Atsushi looked at him for a moment as if he could see right through to Yuuta's deepest secrets. "Should we stop?"

Yuuta shook his head no. He couldn't find his voice. He didn't want to stop. He just had a moment of fear and pain remembering, but he was okay now. He wanted to be okay now more than anything.

Atsushi's eyes softened and he moved to hold Yuuta closer to him, "Youya, just kiss you and touch you, and you can do the same if you want to. This is what you and Saeki used to do when you were little? Do just like that."

Yuuta nodded. "Youya?"

Atsushi kissed him softly once. "You are Youya. Won't hurt Youya. Want to stop at any time, we stop. Don't even have to say the word stop. Anytime just tap like this three times..." He tapped Yuuta's chest softly, "and we stop. No questions asked, and we go back to being just good friends and roommates. Agreed?"

Yuuta nodded, but Atsushi seemed to be waiting for him to say something, "Yeah...okay."

"Close your eyes Youya. Pretend you're kissing and touching the person you love and will pretend too. Relax..."

Yuuta hadn't realized until Atsushi said to relax that his entire body was all tensed up. His hands were clinging onto the sheet that was barely covering them as if for dear life. Yuuta willed himself to let the tension out of his body, one limb at a time, the way his Aniki used to remind him to do whenever he was stressed.

Atsushi pressed his lips softly to Yuuta's in a light, searching kiss and pulled back. Moving closer, he touched Yuuta's lips again for another kiss that lingered softly on his lips a little longer. Each kiss lasted a little longer and went a little further, but they were so slow and gentle, Yuuta tried to find a thing to compare them to, but at first he thought they were unlike anything he had experienced before.

Then Yuuta remembered something.

He and his family went down to the seashore for a weekend trip. Yuuta was little. He must have been about five years old which means Syusuke had to be about six, or as his Aniki liked to tell people, one and a half as he was born on leap year.

Yuuta was scared of the ocean waves, but his Aniki said to not be afraid. He held Yuuta's hand in his and told Yuuta it had been low tide, but the tide was coming in now. Despite the high heat, Syusuke had on a shirt, and Yuuta knew it was because his Aniki was bruised up. His Aniki said it was because of tennis, but Yuuta years later, now knew it was from their father. Holding hands, the two little brothers walked out far, very far. The people on the shoreline were small dots when he looked back. He couldn't make out from the little dots their parents or even their sister who was wearing a bright green bikini and flirting with all the lifeguards, but Yuuta was not afraid because Syusuke held his hand and kept walking with him. His Aniki told Yuuta things that only adults would know. Things about how a pearl forms in an oyster, tide pools, and how the moon makes the waves. Things that Yuuta was barely listening to. Finally, Syusuke turned to face the water as the waves started to come in.

They were far enough away that when the higher waves broke, the water only gently rushed in to cover their knees before softly pulling back away. Each wave pressed in a little harder and then a little higher, covering them deeper and deeper.

Yuuta felt that was how Atsushi kissed. Each kiss was a little deeper, but slow and soft so that it felt natural for Yuuta to relax into his arms. It felt comfortable for Yuuta to part his lips and reach out to touch Atsushi's tongue with his own. It felt natural and right for Atsushi's hand to caress his hair, and then his naked skin. Before Yuuta knew it, Atsushi in those slow sexy waves were covering Yuuta's mouth in deep wet kisses that had Yuuta reaching up for more when Atsushi, like a wave, softly pulled away each time.

Each time Atsushi moved in with another wave, Yuuta struggled to kiss him back more, to make the kissing deeper, last longer, and to keep their contact close. Each time Atsushi moved away, Yuuta relaxed more, and moved more to increase their connection. Like the tide almost did that summer day, Yuuta never noticed he was drowning, this time in pleasure.

Yuuta forgot to be afraid.

He forgot that he barely knew this person.

He forgot everything except the feel of that hot mouth on his, those roaming hands on his skin, and all Yuuta could think of was that he wanted more. Yuuta even forgot about his Aniki in his need.

There was a hunger in Yuuta that had gone too long unsated, and Atsushi seemed more than capable and willing to give him what he wanted.

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Learning to Land