The Spring Of Drowned Thief

Things That Only Happen Around Ranma


Akane came down the stairs with an unsteady calm that could cause earthquakes. She had a badly broken skeleton in her hands, and a goal in her mind. Kill Ranma. She thought for sure that when she got down stairs, she would see Ranma eating at the table with out a care in the world. In fact, she thought many things would be different at the dinner table, but as the days went on, she noticed that many things became different as long as Ranma was some where in the equation.

“AHHHHHH!!! RYOUGA! HELP GET HER OFF OF ME! SHE HAS A CHEESE GRADDER!”

“I KILL!”

“HOLD ON SHAMPOO! DON’T KILL HIM! THIS IS A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING!”

“I KILL!”

“Oh, my!”

“RANMA! EXPLAIN WHY THIS YOUNG LADY WANTS YOU DEAD, THIS INSTANT!”

‘Damnit! How was I supposed to know some thing horrible was in the kitchen? It’s only ever Kasumi!’

“I KILL!”

“OH, LORD! SHE’S GOT A SPOON! SHE’S SERIOUS!”

“HOT WATER! WE NEED HOT WATER!”

‘And an IV if he survives... Maybe I should take out my camera. Ranma’s really…. bouncy right now.’

“Oh, my!”

“Boy! This is getting out of hand! Stop this at once!”

“TELL HER THAT!”

“I KILL!”

“AAAARRGGHHH!!!”

Akane blinked twice, and kept the sleepy look as she sat herself at the dinner table, and waited. She kept one hand on her chin, and with the other held up a rice ball and took a bite out of it. The mayhem continued around her and she went on as if it was nothing. She popped the last of her rice ball into her mouth and swallowed, and as if on cue, a cheetah clad, red head went flying by her head. With not so much as a jerk in her position she caught Ranma and let her other hand fly grabbing the purple haired girl by neck and held her in place. “WHAT YOU DOING! I KILL RANMA!”

Akane didn’t even bat an eye and she brought her in close to her own face, “Back off hussy. She’s mine.” And too every ones surprise she pulled Ranma in close and planted a kiss on her. Soun was the first to faint. Shampoo was released and she backed off immediately. It was the same moment that Ryouga came into the room with hot water and splashed Ranma. Shampoo’s face dropped as she looked at the change and came in close to feel Ranma’s chest. “Uhhhh…. I’m a guy Shampoo…”

Shampoo jumped back again, and pulled out a book and started flipping through it. After stopping on a page she sighed and closed it. She made her way back towards Ranma and to every ones shock she kissed him. Akane protested immediately. “HEY! WHAT’S THE BIG IDEA!?”

Shampoo smiled, “We married. Ranma defeat me and now we married!”

She launched herself at Ranma again. “AIREN!”

Ryouga saw this as an attack, and floored Shampoo with quick pull and a kick. Her eyes went wide and she coughed a little, now winded. Ryouga was feeling proud at saving his friend, when Ranma surprised him, “DON’T HIT WOMEN!” and with a single punch knocked him out beside shampoo. She got a horrified look on her face when she started thinking about a few things. She grew even more horrified when she saw a giant mallet from hammer-space coming down on top of Ranma. “BE QUIET! YOU’RE ALL TOO NOISY! AND HOW DARE YOU LEAVE BETTY IN MY BED!”

Ranma’s victory was short lived when he felt himself flattened along with Ryouga and Shampoo under a car-sized mallet. He twitched a little bit, but was down for the count. After many moments of silence Shampoo was able to move again, and she sat up the best she could and took out a book. She started reading and as she went on her face kept dropping, and dropping, until she was crying, with an ‘oh-god!-why-me?’ look. She collapsed back and fainted with the book to her face. Ranma and Ryouga were too comatose to do any thing else, but lay there.

Nabiki raised an eyebrow and picked up the book and started reading. “Oh…. I see….”

Akane looked at her with tired eyes. “What is it?”

Nabiki cleared her throat and looked at Akane. “Congratulations Akane. You’ve acquired a harem.”

Akane twitched a little and said, “What…?”

Nabiki laughed, “Yup says it right here. The details are a bit unclear, but if I’m reading this thing right then, not only are you the dominant one in the relationship, but since you defeated them all there’s a pecking order. Basically, you’re at the top, Ranma comes second through victory and favoritism, Ryouga’s third because he beat shampoo, and lost to Ranma, so now he’s on the lower standings, but also linked to Ranma now. And Shampoo is at the bottom, because not only did you show your dominance over her, but also you beat every one else above her. That’s probably why she was crying, oh and it says here that…. Uhhhh sis?”

Akane was passed out on the floor by this point, so speaking to her was pointless. Nabiki sighed and looked at Kasumi. “Well, want to help me get them all to bed?”

“Oh, my! I guess they’ll all be sleeping in the same room now because they are all married.” Kasumi tilted her head up in thought.

Nabiki was a little bit taken back by her bluntness but it was true. “Well, I’ll get Akane and you take Shampoo. We’ll come back and change Ranma into a girl to reduce her weight and come back for Ryouga.”

Kasumi nodded, “Ok. Oh, I guess it’s a good thing Ranma left that bra on. I would have hated to have put that back on him.”

Nabiki started giggling, “Wait sis. You just gave me a grate idea. Hold on, I have to go get my camera…”


Ranma was always an early bird, so it came to no surprise that he was usually the first one up in the morning. As he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and did his best to recall the previous night, but it proved to be a difficult feat due to the serious head ache. He scratched his head, and rubbed his chest. ‘Wait a second. When did I turn into a chick?’ Ranma let her eyes open a little to find herself looking into Akane’s beautiful sleeping face. ‘As much as I like the view, I’m starting to remember a hammer… A big hammer.’ Ranma decided to start shuffling away a little bit for the sake of caution, when her back hit some thing. ‘What the hell’s this? Feels like a brick wall.’ She turned her head back to see Ryouga and it only got worse from there. The bump against Ryouga had caused him to stir a bit and latch onto the closest thing to him. Ranma felt, to her horror, Ryouga’s arms wrap around her waist and once he was all snuggled in close he let out a sigh and was once again deep in sleep. ‘MUST.KILL.RYOUGA!’

Ranma started thinking of how to get out of this position with out waking any one up, when suddenly she took note of Akane. The covers were drawn back a bit and Akane had a pair of hands around her as well. On a further inspection, she noted the purple hair behind Akane and she started to panic. She was looking high and low for an escape when some thing caught her by surprise. Ryouga had moved in a bit closer and was now spooning Ranma, but that wasn’t the thing that set her off. It was the stiff thing that came with the spooning that was now poking her butt.

“AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!”

Ryouga was awakened immediately by the scream and it took no time for him to figure out what Ranma was screaming about. He let go with lightning speed and scooted away with his own panicking scream.

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! I’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRYI’MSORRY!!!”
Akane and Shampoo shot up and awake instantly. Akane was about to yell at Ranma for all the racket, when she stop to wonder who was holding her. She looked down to see a pair of feminine hands around her and looked back to see a traumatized Shampoo behind her staring wide-eyed at her. Shampoo’s arms unwrapped and shot up in the air instantly while she followed suit with Ranma and Ryouga and started screaming herself. And soon the morning fight started. Nabiki was lying on her bed laughing her ass off, rewinding the tape just to see Ranma’s face when Ryouga curled up with her.


Breakfast went by in silence for the most part, with only Soun, Kasumi, and Nabiki talking. Ranma was now sporting a few new bandages and a cast, Ryouga ate his breakfast rolls while rubbing his bruised cheeks, Akane and Shampoo seemed to come out unscratched, but their tangled hair, ripped clothing, and lazy looks said otherwise. Nabiki was never one for violence, but if there was a yen to be made, then it was all good for her, and today seemed like one of those fortunate days of excessive income. “So how’s the harem today?” Nabiki asked with a smug look.
She was answered with a cold hard glare from every one. “What’s with all the angry faces? You brought this all upon your selves. You shouldn’t have been fighting in the house anyways. We now have extensive property damage, which I’m hoping you are all going to pay for. Father doesn’t make enough running the dojo you know?”

Every one around the table sighed, as they knew what was coming up. After Nabiki finished her dramatic pause, she spoke again. “That’s right people. We have too many people living in this house right now and we’re going to need additional income to be able to sustain ourselves. Either that or some of us are going to have to move out.”

Ranma, Shampoo and Ryouga all bowed their head. “Shampoo have no place to stay until Great grandmother get here…”

“I’ve got no where else to go…”

“I’ll never find my way home…”

Nabiki slammed her fist on the table lightly. “Then it’s settled! The four of you need part-time jobs.”
Akane’s eyes widened. “H-hey! What do you mean ‘four’!? Why do I need to get one too?”

Nabiki crossed her arms and looked at her sister. “Now, really Akane. You’re old enough to have one now. I have one myself, but its undisclosed. Kasumi works at the Clinic as well, it’s high time you started pulling your weight around here too.”

Soun smiled and held up a ‘VICTORY!’ sign. “Ahh, yes. This is perfect! Great thinking Nabiki! That’s my girl. A part time job, will be perfect for all of you, it’ll help build character and get you into the workforce! Isn’t that right Soa-“ Soun stopped at that last part and seemed to be looking to his left. When he finally realized that no one was there, the tears filled his eyes and he left the table to stand on the porch in silence. Only a few people knew what that was about, and it didn’t escape Ranma for a second.

‘He’s been holding that in for a while… He must really miss pops. Hmm… Gives me an idea.’

Shampoo looked at Soun and then at Ranma. “What wrong with big baby man?”

Ranma shook his head. “Nothing Shampoo. Don’t worry about it.” He looked back towards Nabiki. “Any suggestions on any thing we’d be good at? I’ve never really had a job per say, but I did work in a bar once. It didn’t work out though…”

Shampoo knew what she was going to do. “Great Grandmother be here in week. Shampoo have job when she come.”

Ryouga on the other hand had no idea what he was going to do. “I, err… I’ve done a few random jobs here and there, but I’m not really good at any thing…”

“Except for making flimsy lingerie…”

“Shut up! I told you, I was desperate for money!”

Akane didn’t seem to know what her calling was either. “I guess a job wouldn’t hurt, but I’ve still got school to worry about. I can’t do any thing that would take up all of my time.”

Nabiki gave them all a smile. “It’s good to see you’re all ready to get started. I got a few friends in a few places that owe me a few favors. I think I can help out with this, but it’s going to cost you all a bit, these aren’t free meal tickets you know.” Every one nodded and sighed. Nabiki started pulling papers with addresses on them. She handed the first one to Ryouga. “Here you go. Find this address and ask for Hank, then drop my name with him. You’ll be guaranteed a job on the spot, but you’ll be doing part time. Daddy signed you into school last night.”

Ryouga was at a loss for words. “S-school!? Well… I guess I kinda need to catch up a little… Where’s the job?”

Nabiki waved a hand at him and pointed off in the distance. “ It’s a construction site over in the industrial section of town. I think you’d fit in perfectly there.”

Ryouga nodded and took the address. The next paper went over to Akane. “Sis this’ll be a serious learning experience for you.”

“What is it?” Akane looked at the paper and raised an eyebrow. “This is a restaurant. How will this be a learning experience?”

Nabiki shook her head. “Akane, spare me. You need to learn how to cook, badly.”

“WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY COOKING!?”

“Just about every thing. That meat pie you made last week, had intelligent life on it.”

“NO IT DIDN’T!”

Ranma spoke up. “Yes actually it did. It helped me with my math homework last Thursday.”

WACK!

“DON’T LIE!”

“Oh, my! Foomy was Akane’s meat pie!? I was wonder where he came from.”

“KASUMI! NOT YOU TOO!”

Nabiki looked at Kasumi. “Foomy? The thing had a name?”

“Oh, well yes. It was covered in blue hair and bubbling, I thought it looked adorable, so I gave it a name.”

Ryouga looked puzzled. “What happened to it.”

“Oh, well, it moved out. It said it was looking for the meaning of life. It took your clock radio Ranma. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Would have been nice if Foomy asked me, but I guess I don’t. I got another one.”

“FINE! I’LL GO TO THE DAMN RESTAURANT!” and with that final line, Akane snatched the paper and stuffed it into her pocket.

Nabiki looked triumphant. “Good. Ask for Pierre, he’ll teach you every thing you need to know.”
Akane grumbled for a bit, but it was shortly lived. Nabiki looked at Ranma. “You’ll be working with me. I got a few plans for you.”

Ranma rolled his eyes. “I can’t wait. What does it pay?”

Nabiki tossed him a sly look. “That really depends on how well you work.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Nabiki looked over to Shampoo. “Now you’ve got a job in a week, right?”

Shampoo nodded her head happily. “Me and Great Grandmother run Ranmen business together.”

Nabiki nodded her head. “Good to hear.” Nabiki quickly crumpled up the address for the Pole Position Strip Club, and ate the paper when no one was looking. ‘Glad I didn’t have to drop the bomb on that one.’

“Since none of us have school today, I want you two to go to those places and I want you to come with me Ranma.”

“Got a wheel chair? Cause I’m not moving on my own.”

“No, I don’t, but I got cab fair, and you have to return Betty. Put two and two together and quit whining.”


Once every one was prepared for the day they went off for their interviews, while Shampoo helped around the house with Kasumi. Ranma and Nabiki were in a cab heading for Doctor Tofu’s Clinic with a horribly battered Betty. Ranma cracked a smile and looked towards Nabiki. “Well, I know you’re not the most honest of people, so would you mind telling me what you have planned for me?”

Nabiki smiled that devious smile and looked towards Ranma. “We are going to become business partners. I got the brains, and you got the talents. Together we can rake in quite a bit of cash.”

Ranma nodded and kept his smile present. “If I’m thinking what you’re thinking then the answer is no. Doing that kind of stuff doesn’t sit right with me. I may do it every so often, but I don’t mean to. It’s just an urge that I’m trying to kill.”

Nabiki went deep into thought and began thinking. “I understand what you are talking about, but I think you misunderstand. I’m not out to screw every last person out of their money. Have you ever thought that maybe you’ve just been doing it to the wrong people?”

“There are no right and wrong people Nabiki. The action itself is wrong.”

“You may think that, but I’m telling you now. There are people who deserve to have things taken away from them.”

“Example?”

“Gangs that prey on innocents. Thugs that will do any thing for crash. Drug lords that destroy lives. People the find lost girls and make them work.”

Ranma developed a twisted face of anger at that last one. “You see what I mean, don’t you? I know you’ll never do any thing ‘that’ drastic again, but I know that you could keep your cool and deal the proper justice to these people. Punish a pimp, by destroying his business and taking away all his money. He’ll have nothing, because that’s all he deserves, is nothing.”

Ranma went into deep thought and rested his head on crossed hands. “Do you even realize what you’re asking me here Nabiki? This is extremely dangerous work. We ‘WILL’ piss off all the wrong people. We ‘WILL’ have conflict with people more then willing to kill us. Have you even put thought into this?”

Nabiki nodded with a smile. “I know you can handle this kind of thing Ranma. I know you can take out any thing that gets in our way. I’m also looking at bounties too. We’ll have police protection, the whole nine yards.”

Ranma shook his head. “It’s not that I doubt my abilities as a fighter, but I can’t dodge bullets. On top of that, I’m worried about the family. What would happen if one of these gangs found out who we are, and where we live? I couldn’t stand to think what would happen to any one in that house, let alone Akane. We cannot take a risk like this, and you should be ashamed for even thinking about it. Ranma crossed his arms and looked out the window of the cab.

Nabiki put an arm on his shoulder. “But it’s not your family. You don’t have one, remember?” Ranma’s face became a complete scowl at that line, but he stayed silent. “What if we made you a lone worker, and I just give you the jobs. A handshake deal is hard to trace. Remember that your blood isn’t on file? That’s the only way the hospital would have lost you.”

Ranma shook his head again. “My blood IS on record. I should have popped up in the system and they should have sent out for immediate family.”

Nabiki was confused. “Wait. How come you didn’t pop up then?”

The cab pulled up to the clinic and Ranma started getting out. “That’s what I’d like to know. While I\'m getting tested, I want you to put some serious thought into what you just asked me and the out right narrowmindedness of it. You\'re smarter then this Nabiki.”


Doctor Tofu looked up from his desk when he heard the door open. “Oh, Hello Ranma. I see you’re walking on your own now already. Very impressive. Oh, you seemed to have brought Nabiki with you.”

Ranma gave the doctor a wave and a smile. “Hiya Doc. I found Betty for you.”

Tofu looked at the badly batter skeleton and almost cried, but he held it back pretending nothing was wrong. “Err. Thank you. So are you here for your check up as well?”

Ranma nodded his head with a smile. “Yup. I also have a few questions for you, is that ok?”

Tofu nodded his head with a smile. “Yes, you have good timing Ranma. This mornings client canceled on me so I’m open right now.”

“Perfect.”


Nabiki was told to wait in the waiting room, while the doctor extracted blood from both of Ranma’s forms. She was growing impatient when finally after half an hour Ranma and the doctor came from the back room. “Thanks doc. So the result will be in next week some time?”

Tofu adjusted his glasses while looking at a chart. “Yes, and are you sure you don’t want me to document the blood from your alternate form? You may be in an accident, I would hate for some thing to happen to you while you were…”

Ranma waved a hand up from the wheelchair he was in. “Don’t worry doc. I know what I’m doing here. And thanks for clearing things up with me. I know the result aren’t in yet, but I think you may be right…”

The doctor bowed his head to look down at Ranma. “Just remember that nothing is definite yet, but if we are right, then feel free to come back here for counseling any time. I know this may be a rough patch for you.”

“Thanks for all your help doc…” Ranma nodded and held his hand out for a shake.

Tofu accepted the hand. “Think nothing of it. I’m just doing my job.”

Ranma wheeled himself out with a curious Nabiki following behind him. “So, what was that all about?” Nabiki asked with the thought of cash on her mind.

Ranma gave her a smile and an evil look. “That, Nabiki, is none of your business. Besides, you haven’t even given me a price yet.”

Nabiki laughed a little. “You’re learning fast. You may have a few talents we can use before we try any ting drastic.”

Ranma laughed out loud and turned his wheel chair backwards while looking at Nabiki. “Who said, I was the one learning? Nice watch by the way. Looks like a mans though.” He wheeled on as Nabiki looked at her wrist in horror.

“How… Wha-When did you do that!? This is doctor Tofu’s watch!”

“See? I even went the extra mile and took your purse while you were gloating, and replaced it with a sheet and a few small rocks.”

Ranma demonstrated by pulling out Nabiki’s purse and pointing to the thing slung on her shoulder. Nabiki did a mouth movement that resembled a guppy in a fish tank. “That was…… IMPOSIBLE!”

Ranma shook his head and waved his finger in front of him. “No, no, no. Not impossible. Highly improbable. There’s a difference.”

“B-but I KNOW you didn’t even come near me.”

“I don’t need to. Remember when we were in the restaurant and we had that talk about Akane? I didn’t lie once during that conversation, now I want you to think back here for a second. I said you accused me of being an evil sorcerer, and that I was.”

“I-I thought you were joking about that.”

“Well, in a sense I was. The evil part was blown out of proportion, I merely know evil magic.”

“Wait. Is that how you did that card trick the other day?”

“Of coarse! How do you think I did all that?”

“And the picture…?”

“You bet.”

“Prove it.”

“How so?”

“Do some thing.”

“That’s pretty general…”

“What can you do then?”

Ranma sighed and pointed at Nabiki, and her mouth started to move against her will, and she spoke with Ranma’s voice. “Maybe you’d like to see me control your body?”

Nabiki threw her hands in front of her mouth to stop the foreign voice from escaping, as she stared wide-eyed at Ranma. He then open up his hand and with a few movements, various things started appearing. Dove, flowers, top hat, jewels, and finally a knife. This time he got out of his wheel chair and stood up in front of her and used his own mouth to speak this time. “Maybe you’d like to see me heal horrible wounds?”

She thought for sure Ranma was going to cut her, but he twisted the knife and started jabbing it into his stomach and chest. He cried out in pain with each thrust and soon blood was pouring out of his mouth, but with a burst of light surrounding his body, his wounds quickly closed, with out any trace of their existence.

Nabiki looked at him completely horrified and tried to find words, but Ranma wasn’t done yet. “Or maybe you’re into illusions?”

With that said, Ranma’s body started to blur and quickly he split into two people. The two Ranma’s looked at Nabiki with awful smiles, and spoke in unison. “Don’t think that’s it though.” Once again Ranma started splitting bodies again, but instead of more doubles of himself, he started taking the shape of various people he knew. All the people surrounded Nabiki and as one they all raised an arm and snapped their fingers. They all seemed to collapse into one another and soon Ranma was standing in front of Nabiki with a small smile. “Is that enough proof, or would you like me to summon a demon, just to get my point across?”

Nabiki quickly started shaking her head not wanting to see more and after staring at Ranma for a few mins, she finally asked. “Where the hell did you learn to do that?”

Ranma sat back down in his wheel chair, and put a hand on his forehead. “It’s just some thing that I do. For some reason, I’ve always been able to take in knowledge and store it away at an alarming rate. After dad died, I started reading a lot of books to take my mind off of things. You wouldn’t believe the type of books the people of old back water countries have. All those old scrolls, and weird books that seem to scream at you when you open them… I thought it was interesting at first, but I eventually found an elder book, which carried some spells and tricks that did in fact work. I became fascinated with these things. All the power that’s locked in our own minds, it’s absolutely unbelievable Nabiki. I’m a collector of information. It’s the one treasure in this world that I seek now…”

Ranma was starting to sound like a mad man as he went on, and Nabiki had to interrupt him before he got out of hand. “Stop. I don’t want to hear any more.”

Ranma looked deep into her eyes and started speaking in her mind. ‘I can read thoughts too ya know? I can figure out what people want, with just a simple dive into their mind.’

Nabiki’s eyes widened. “Get out of my head!”

Ranma laughed out loud and looked her up and down with a sinister smile. “Don’t worry. I know that people have privacy. I don’t do that unless I have to, but do you understand me now?”

Nabiki was spooked, and shook her head. “No. Not really…”

Ranma stretched back in his chair. “You could learn so much from me. I’ve got the talents you want and need. You have got the ambition that’s needed to succeed, but you’ve still got an ego that needs to be taken care of.”

Nabiki was all ears at this point and wanted to know what Ranma knew. “What are you going to teach me…?”

Ranma leaned forward in his chair and took in a breath. “It looks like you’re interested. I’ll teach you all the things I think you’ll need to know, while still keeping it all, legal. You’re not going to become some burglar, or mindless robber. You are the type that works with your mind to get your way. I’ll teach you how to read people, and make surefire bets. To have the ability to constantly tip the odds in your favor. But don’t think for a second that I’ll teach you magic. It’s not some thing that can be thrown around between people, and is extremely dangerous in the wrong hands. You know what I want in return. Do you accept my terms?”

Nabiki leaned against a post and gave it some thought, and after a few moments she slowly nodded.
Ranma gave her a smile. “Good! Now that, that’s settled, lets go find me a legitimate job. Mind giving me a push?”

Nabiki walked past with a smile. “I don’t think so. You’re perfectly fine to walk on your own.”

Ranma gave a smile and wheeled forward. “Figured me out, eh? Good, we can skip a few lessons then.”