Nightmare Game

Nightmare Game


A D.Gray-Man Fanfiction


By SisterWicked


Chapter 8 - Blind Oracle

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Now, I usually don't do this, but no one really believed I had the balls to, so..

Disclaimer of D-zeez: I don't own this. No one pays me for it. And no eavesdropping bimbos were harmed in the writing of this fic. This chapter may be hazardous to your health. Warning signs include dizziness, rapid pulse, prolific bleeding from the nostrils and swine flu. Contact the CDC immediately and stop use if you experience any of these symptoms.


PS- Wash your hands before using the phone.

And in addition to that:

Previous A/N applies to FFN's archive only. Thank you, and my apologies for the misunderstanding XD


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Watching the older man carefully, Lavi wondered if he knew that eating was supposed to be a completely non-sexual activity.

After the first nearly-untasted bite of his own food, he decided that perhaps he should be grateful for the proximity of the other diners, as their presence forestalled any rash actions on his part. After the seventh, he recanted the thought and wondered if the brunette truly meant to appear so utterly seductive. A slow glance and a thoughtful lick at the tip of his fork assured the boy that he did.

Swallowing heavily, he reached for his glass, unsurprised to find it nearing empty. Leaning forward, he kept his voice low enough to avoid drawing attention. "You do realize that you're killing the girls across from us, don't you..? The blonde one keeps making a chokey kind of sound.."

Tyki hummed curiously, wiping his mouth with his napkin. "Oh? I hadn't noticed them.. I was more concerned with you, Lovely. Contrary to what I've heard, pink rather seems to suit you."

The redhead ignored the heat in his cheeks, scowling. "That's nice. Do you think you could turn off the pheromones for a bit? I'd like to actually remember what I'm eating.."

The older man raised an eyebrow, looking from the boy's flushed face to his plate and back. "Is it not to your liking, Lavi? Maybe you should have gotten the same thing I did, its wonderful.. See for yourself." Without waiting for a reply, he speared a fragment of meat with his fork, extending his arm across the table with an all-too-innocent smile.

Blinking at the man in stunned disbelief, the Exorcist leaned back as far as his highbacked chair allowed, shaking his head. "Tyki! Cut it out, you're making a scene.."

Laughing quietly, the brunette nodded, fork still held out expectantly. "Indeed.. But the longer I stay like this, the more people will see, Lovely.. Shouldn't you hurry?"

Blushing furiously, Lavi muttered something unintelligible, leaning forward hastily. Hearing the silence to either side of their table, he caught the man's eye mutinously. "If that girl dies, I'm telling them that you planned the whole thing.." Ignoring his faint smirk, he opened his mouth, allowing himself to be fed. The familiar sound of the aforementioned girl's shock seemed deafeningly loud, but he concentrated on the light flavor of the food in his mouth, chewing carefully despite his embarrassment.

Swallowing, he licked his lip thoughtfully. "It is good.. But not as good as you were acting like it was."

Tyki laughed, impervious to the blatant attention from their scandalized 'audience'. "You don't think so, Lovely? Maybe you would prefer something else.." He glanced at the table menu briefly, his mouth quirking at the redhead's warning growl. "They have dessert.. Do you like that sort of thing? I don't care too much for sweets myself, but I wouldn't be adverse to sharing.."

Lavi shook his head firmly, aghast at the very thought of what the man might do with anything even remotely suggestive. "So I can watch you lick your spoon at me..? No thanks."

Feigning seriousness, the older man blinked. "We could always share a spoon, Lavi.. It would give them less silverware to clean."

Sighing deeply, the Exorcist nodded. "Yeah, it would.. But it would give us more trouble than it would be worth. I'm ready whenever you are, so get on with it."

Tyki smiled, raising an eyebrow. "You're always in a hurry, aren't you Lovely..? Its a shame, really. Just think of all the things I could do to you, if you weren't so very impatient."

This time, the girl choked outright, her companion's concerned voice registering as a faint buzz as the Exorcist stared at the older man in horrified astonishment. "Tyki!"

Ignoring the boy's mortification, the brunette pushed back his chair, tossing several bills onto the tabletop. "Are you coming, Lavi? I daresay the ladies need a bit of privacy, since they can't very well gossip with us sitting here."

Rising quickly, the redhead stalked away from the table, his cheeks still flaming as the older man joined him with a laugh. Holding his tongue until they reached the opposite street, he whirled to face the other with a growl. "Why did you do that? You knew they were falling out of their chairs to listen!"

Waving off his anger, Tyki nodded. "Eavesdropping is a singularly unladylike habit, Lavi.. It would most likely do them good to learn that early." Motioning toward an approaching alley, he smiled. "Besides, it was that or tear your heart out.. I really dislike my alias."

Blinking at the man in disbelief, Lavi shook his head. "You'd hold a grudge over a joke?"

Stepping into the shadows, Tyki hummed. "Oh, I never hold a grudge, Lovely.. Once I've avenged myself, I forgive and forget."

Grumbling quietly, the redhead followed, groping blindly for the other in the darkened space. Feeling the brush of a sleeve against his fingers, he sighed, the sound broken off as the older man caught his arm, pushing him roughly against the nearest wall. "Wha-"

Tyki silenced him with a demanding kiss, his hands roaming hungrily over the Exorcist's sides and hips. Nipping at his lower lip, he used the other's muted gasp to enter his mouth, exploring him thoroughly before pulling away.

"Would you rather I'd done that, Lavi? Nothing they served could have compared to you.."

Laughing at the boy's dazed expression, he stepped back. "Don't worry yourself about it, Lovely.. I doubt we'll see those people on anything close to a regular basis. Besides that, shall we go?"

Lavi nodded quickly, allowing the older man to wrap his arms around his waist. "After all that, it'd better be someplace nice, Tyki.. D'you really have to hold on so tight?"

Tyki shook his head, smirking down at the smaller boy. "Its a good place, Lavi. And no, I don't need to.. I do it because I can." Closing his eyes, he concentrated on his destination, eager to bring back the redhead's previous high spirits.

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Lavi's first impression was one of silence.

Opening his eye, he took a breath to steady himself after the lingering jolt of translocation, blinking to dispel his faint dizziness. The older man released his grip, stepping back with a smile.

"All right, Lovely..? We can sit down if you need to." He took the redhead's arm carefully, urging him forward. "I'd forgotten how strange that feels, it certainly takes some getting used to.. Lavi? Is something the matter?"

The Exorcist stood frozen, taking in their surroundings with wide-eyed surprise.

Flowers.

Every conceivable shape and color, spread out for what seemed like whole acres in all directions. Though it was nearing sunset, the vibrant array was clear to his sharpened vision, and he found himself wondering how it was that the older man had found such a place. Turning to look at the bemused former Noah, he was struck by the man's obvious anxiety at his reaction.

"Its-" He cleared his throat, starting again. "Its perfect. Where..?"

Tyki shrugged faintly, relaxing. "I don't really know, Lovely.. I happened upon it by mistake, when I was learning to control my powers." He laughed softly at the boy's raised eyebrow, tugging on his arm. "Contrary to popular belief, the ultimate evil doesn't come with instructions. Care to have a seat?"

Snorting, the redhead nodded, allowing himself to be pointed in the opposite direction. Looking ahead, he stared a second time, beyond shocked at what he'd missed. The tree was easily over a hundred feet tall, with thickly spread branches that brushed the ground in several places. Hearing the other's amused hum, he flushed at the thought of how utterly foolish he must look, gawping like an idiot at something the brunette had seen many times.

Shaking his head, he followed the older man's lead, walking through the calf-high grass to stand at the base of the monolithic plant. Setting the bag he carried aside, he placed his hands against the tree's oddly smooth trunk, wondering why he had no name for it's type. Frowning, he tried to recall the books he'd read about botany, but found nothing even remotely similar to this giant.

Tyki watched him silently, remembering his own reaction to this place. When he'd mastered his ability to touch only what he willed, he'd ascended to the very top of the huge tree, truly astonished that it had survived so long. Perched in its uppermost branches, he had felt that even something so great as his Noah was reduced to minisculity by its immensity.

Bringing his thoughts back to the present, he pulled out the blanket, spreading it between two of the tree's halfexposed roots. "Lovely..? Would you like to sit down now?"

Shaking off his curiosity, the redhead nodded, kicking off his boots with a grateful sigh. "Aah.. I'd forgotten how uncomfortable those are." Settling himself against the tree trunk, he turned to the older man with a smile. "This is something else, Tyki.. Exactly what the doctor ordered."

Laughing quietly, the brunette nodded. "It is rather nice.. Do you like it, Lavi?"

The boy nodded enthusiastically, making the older man smile. "Then it was worth the effort. Now that we're here, do you think you could forgive my earlier humor?"

Lavi frowned in mock thought, finally shaking his head with a falsely severe expression. "No way! Maybe after I've 'avenged myself'." Snickering at the man's arch look, he jabbed a finger at his unprotected ribs, grinning as he flinched. "Revenge!" He cried, lunging at the unsuspecting brunette.

After several minutes of undignified squawks and flailing, Tyki remembered that it was extremely difficult to tickle an intangible person. Allowing the Exorcist to pass through his body, he laughed at his indignant huff. "Better, Lovely..? Just think, if not for my abilities, you may have been the first to defeat a Noah with your bare hands.."

Pushing himself to his knees, the redhead hummed quietly. "More like my bare ass.." He returned to his place, gazing over the open space before them. "Do you come here a lot? I mean, before.. This."

Tyki nodded slowly, relaxing against the tree. "Once, it seemed like every day.. But when the war-" He broke off, closing his eyes. "Not as often as I would have liked, Lovely. I simply didn't have the time to be at leisure. Since the end, I've only been here twice. Once when I reawakened, and once right before I took you." Wincing at the boy's silent scrutiny, he sighed. "Is there something else we could talk about, Lavi? We're supposed to be enjoying ourselves, not rehashing the past.."

The Exorcist slid closer to the man's side, nodding. "Anything you want to talk about, Tyki. Whatever comes to mind is fine with me."

For a while, they simply made idle conversation, the deepening color of the sky lending an air of lazy calm as the silence between topics grew. As the first few stars began to show, Lavi suddenly became aware that his companion seemed to be lost in thought.

Glancing at the other, the Exorcist hummed quietly. "So... What do you want, now? Anything in particular?"

Smiling faintly, the brunette shook his head. "Nothing, unless you still feel like talking.." Frowning at his lightly amused tone, Lavi sat back to better address him.

"I don't mean that. What do you want, Tyki? If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?" He tipped his head curiously, the moonlight making his face a thing of shadow. "Anything, even something like a new hat, or a kitten. World peace. Hell, world destruction. What would make you happy right now?"

The man hummed quietly, meeting his gaze. "I don't know, Lovely. I don't think I know how to be happy, not really.. But I would be pleased to have more of this." He laughed at the other's confused look, settling against the tree trunk. "More time without worry, Lavi. Time to simply forget that you should be plotting my demise. But I wonder..What do you want, Lavi? Surely you can't say that you're happy this way."

The redhead frowned thoughtfully, leaning against his shoulder. "I think I'd like to come here again. Or maybe it would be nice to see you enjoying yourself.. I'd like to be able to do more for you, too. Something better than just sitting around, talking your ear off. Other than that, I'm really okay."

Tyki blinked at him, his eyebrow raised. "That's not for you, Lovely. I should think you'd at least want to see your friends again, if nothing else.. Weren't they important to you?" The boy nodded, frowning.

"They were, but none of them really needed anything from me.. And you do. I think I'd be happiest if I could make someone else feel a little better, instead of just making them laugh every once in a while. It'd be nice if they knew I was all right, but there's probably a lot of more important things going on with them.. And its not like you left a yard-long blood trail or a ransom note. They'll most likely figure that I went AWOL or something."

He sat up, stretching his arms with a yawn. "Beside that, I think I'd like to invade your space for a couple minutes.. You mind?" He didn't wait for a reply, sliding back until he could lay his head in the man's lap. "Mm, that's comfy.. You make a pretty good pillow, for a evil guy."

Tyki snorted, nudging the boy halfheartedly. "And you make a splendid blanket, when you don't snore."

The Exorcist spluttered indignantly, rolling onto his side. "I do not! You're the one who makes all the weird noises while you sleep.." The older man hummed in amusement, shifting lower.

"Oh? Well, you make them when you're awake. Still feel like playing, Lovely..?"

Flushing to the roots of his hair, Lavi shook his head. "Not when you don't play fair.. Are we past the melancholy part of the evening? I don't think I can concentrate on being all tragic and sad after that."

The brunette chuckled softly, nodding. "I believe so.. It is rather difficult to hate oneself while being reminded of just how much someone enjoys their.. company. Do you want to go back, Lavi?"

The boy shook his head firmly, draping an arm around the other's waist. "Hm-mm.. Just a little longer..?"

Tyki looked down, and immediately winced at the hopefulness in the boy's single eye. "Aren't you cold..?" He murmured finally, running a hand up the exposed skin of an arm. "You wouldn't want to be sick, would you?" The Exorcist hummed absently, closing his eye.

"You'd take care of me if I was, and you know it. Bet you'd make a great nurse, too.. Really though, I'll be fine. I used to camp out all the time, and with less pleasant company, so unless you've got a better excuse, I'm gonna stay right here."

With that said, he relaxed, still latched doggedly onto the other. For several minutes, Tyki merely stared at his bent head, mildly alarmed at his tenacity. When he heard the boy's breathing become deep and even, he sighed.

"Little fool.. If you were tired, we could always have gone home where there's a bed. But I suppose that would have made too much sense, hm?"

Glancing at the boy's faint smile, he shook his head. "You're another person who doesn't know what's good for them, Lovely.. It really must be the hair, for you both to be so fearless." Remembering the Exorcist's stunned expression from before, he laughed softly. "I think she could see that in you, that you were the same.. But you aren't really, are you? I saved her, and destroyed you.." He sighed, looking up at the wide expanse of sky. "How long will you be able to keep your word, Lavi? Its only a matter of time before I make you suffer again.. Neither part of me is fit to keep you safe, not when they both want so much from you."

The only response was a quiet murmur, the redhead's arm tightening around his hips as he slept on. The sound and touch sent a quick stab of pain and guilt through the man's chest, his hand moving to stroke the boy's fiery hair as he closed his eyes. 'What it it that makes me this way..? I never dreaded the thought of harming another like this, why are you different? I don't even know you..'

A faint sigh drew his gaze to the boy's face, his hand halting its slow petting as the Exorcist yawned, blinking up at him sleepily.

"Mm. Sorry about that, but you really are comfy.. Too bad we didn't think to bring any real pillows, then you could come down here with me." He stretched his arms upward, wincing at the slight crackle of his spine. "You could anyway, you know? The grass is pretty soft, and being out here is sorta nice for dozing.." He pushed himself half upright, leaning close to the man's surprised face. "Would you do that, until it really is too cold..? I think that's why I couldn't stay asleep, really. You're always right beside me, so not having you there felt kinda wrong.."

Perhaps it was the marginal plea in the boy's tone, or the otherworldly lighting playing tricks on his mind, but Tyki found himself struck speechless by the utter pleasantness of the other's presence, his hands moving to catch the Exorcist's face of their own accord. Seeing his eye widen curiously, he took a slow breath to collect himself, wondering if he should warn the boy of his strange thoughts.

The opportunity was lost when the Exorcist tipped his head to the side, lifting himself to press careful lips to the corner of the brunette's mouth, a hand taking hold of his shirtfront as he spoke faintly against the man's skin. "Please, Tyki..? Things shouldn't feel like that now, not when you came here to be happy.."

Nodding dazedly, the older man allowed himself to be moved, sliding down until he was face to face with the smiling redhead. Turning onto his side, he braced his head on one hand, the other draping itself loosely around the boy's middle. "Is this more to your liking, Lovely..? I must say, it is rather comfortable.."

Humming softly, Lavi shifted closer, matching his posture. "Yeah.. Its great." Lowering his gaze, he picked idly at one of the man's shirt buttons, his brow furrowed in thought. "Thank you, for bringing me here. It's good to know that you actually have someplace like this, where you can relax a little." Glancing up, he grinned crookedly at the other's questioning look. "You're different, out here.. I don't really know how to describe it. You're still you, but better. Less wary, I guess."

Blinking at the man's close attention, he sobered. "Tyki? Did I say the wrong thing again?" He laughed nervously, his fingers stilling. "Look, we don't have to stay, if you want to go back now.. I just thought that you look-" He broke off, averting his face. "You look better when you're not so serious. Not that you look bad normally, but.. You should smile more. God, I really do talk too much.."

The brunette snorted quietly, drawing aimless circles on the boy's back with a finger. "Quite often, yes. But not always." He waited for the Exorcist to look up, tightening his hold fractionally. "Sometimes, you say exactly enough."

At the tone of the older man's voice, Lavi could almost swear that he knew what was coming, but the actual touch of lips on his own was almost absurdly surprising, the hand on the other's shirtfront closing into a tight fist as he gasped. The faint vibration of the man's amusement tickled just enough to be soothing, and he suddenly wondered why he hadn't thought to do this himself.

Forcing his fingers to relax, he raised his hand to curl around the other man's shoulder, tugging gently at his collar to urge him closer. The answering pressure against his back was not altogether unexpected, but the awkwardness of their positions made movement a thing to be considered carefully. The teasing flick of a tongue on his lower lip scattered whatever bits of concentration he may have had, and instead of pondering the issue further, he resorted to the simple expedient of leaning backward, his firm hold on the older man's shirt bringing him along for the movement.

Wincing at the brunette's soft chuckle, he shifted until their bodies aligned somewhat properly, allowing the man to pull away for breath.

"Lose your balance, Lovely..? Or just testing the grass?"

Flushing awkwardly, the Exorcist fumbled for something to reinstate his questionable dignity. "My arm was in the way.. And I needed 'em both anyway." Seeing the other's eyes narrow speculatively, he took hold of his shoulders, pulling him down for a silencing kiss. Feeling the upward curve of his lips, he pushed down his own embarrassment, digging a hand into his hair as he lifted his knees to press meaningfully against the man's hips.

"See..? Couldn't do this over there.. And look at that, you're smiling."

Tyki shook his head faintly, bemused at the boy's reasoning. "Hm. But I don't think we can do this here either, Lavi.. Pillows aren't the only thing we left at home."

The Exorcist smiled up at him brightly, toying with the loose strands of his hair. "You could always go get it.. I'll give you my clothes! Not like I'd go anywhere without those.." Winding a curl around his finger, he tugged lightly. "Or not. Later could mean now, tomorrow, tomorrow night.." Taking a breath, he found himself addressing empty air, his hand still raised as he blinked in surprise. "..Or it could mean right this very second.."

As suddenly as he'd vanished, the man reappeared with an almost audible displacement of air, dropping the container in question carelessly nearby as he sank to his knees between the redhead's thighs. Supporting himself on one arm, he bent to catch the Exorcist's mouth with a low growl, his free hand pulling carefully at the buttons of his borrowed shirt. Freeing the last one from it's place, he pushed the material aside, tracing the waist of his pants. "All of the above sounded equally good to me, Lavi.. But first I think I'll make sure you won't be 'going anywhere'..."

Pulling him upright, he removed his open shirt, moving to the unmarked side of his throat. "Would you really like to come back here, Lovely..? Being all alone like this, aren't you afraid that I might take advantage of you?" He licked along the boy's jaw with a smile, stroking his back and shoulders slowly. Dropping a hand to the button of his pants, he tugged it loose carefully, his fingers teasing the skin just above the redhead's navel.

Lavi shook his head faintly, gripping the man's arms as he panted. "Maybe I'm taking advantage of you, Tyki.. Letting you do things like this whenever you want it, knowing that it can't mean anything.." He bit his lip guiltily, remembering his other's skillful manipulation of the brunette's feelings. "You don't have to be.. Don't do it like this, if its not enough for you. I wouldn't mind if you were less.." He tapered off, at a loss for how to describe the older man's seeming mood. "It feels like I'm lying to you." He finished lamely, blinking rapidly. "I don't want to make you pretend that it isn't just-"

Tyki cut him off with a quick nip to his skin, his eyes serious as he pulled back to meet the Exorcist's stare. "How are you lying, Lavi? Are you forcing yourself to respond this way?" He smiled at the redhead's halting breath, pushing him back just enough to slide his pants lower on his hips. "Is this something that you won't permit, Lovely? I can't treat you like this, if I wish to? What if I wanted to pretend for a little while?" He removed the cumbersome garments completely, setting them aside. "You told me this morning that I should ask for the things I desire.."

Shuddering expectantly, the Exorcist allowed himself to be lain against the soft fabric, his arms reaching for the older man as he closed his eye. "If you want that, Tyki.. I'll let you do whatever you want, as long as it doesn't hurt you." He gasped at the feeling of the other's hand sliding along his thigh, his eye wide with surprise at the gentleness of the touch. "Oh, God.. I really wish I could-" He broke off with a wince, shaking his head.

Leaning close, Tyki pressed his lips to the swell of his ribcage, murmuring softly against the skin. "Wish you could what, Lovely..? Lie to me? Make this real? It doesn't need to be any more than this, does it? You want this, yes?" He moved higher, curling his hand around the boy's arousal with a low hum at its hardness. "You always say that it doesn't matter how I take you, so why would it be wrong of us to enjoy this? Would you prefer that I be rough with you, instead of taking my time?"

The redhead arched shakily into the touch, his breathing choked as he shook his head. "No..! Its not wrong, not if you want-" He struggled to collect his wits, closing his eye tightly. "I just don't know if I can let you, Tyki! Do you really want to waste that on me?" Despite his words, he drew his legs closer around the man's body, his movements openly at odds with his verbal reluctance. Tyki laughed quietly, allowing himself to be pulled down to rest against the boy's chest.

"Oh, it wouldn't be a waste at all, Lavi.. Not here, with you looking at me like you want to be convinced." He leaned in, kissing the Exorcist's throat with a smile. "I wouldn't be pretending that I meant it, Lovely.. I'd be pretending that you did."

The redhead's stillness was mildly concerning, but the rapid beat of his pulse against the man's lips was reassuring. Shifting an arm, Tyki rose to his elbow, still smiling faintly as he took in the other's shock. "I may not love you, Lavi, but I am inclined to be less forceful with you.. And every time you act like this, it makes me wonder just how little you can feel. I've seen far too many emotions in you to believe that only one is excluded."

Ignoring the sudden brightness of the boy's eye, he shook his head. "I won't ask you to lie, Lavi, not after telling you not to.. But I don't feel like this would be wrong, not when it could have been real if we were different people." The Exorcist inhaled deeply, averting his face with a low noise that was neither a laugh nor a sob.

"It doesn't matter who you are, Tyki.. I'm the one that should be different." He bit his lip, blinking furiously. "I really do hate myself, you know..? I really would be someone else for you, if I could do it, but after all this time.." He turned back to meet the brunette's gaze, his expression serious. "All I know how to do is pretend, Tyki. Anything I feel could be a lie, and I wouldn't even know."

The older man sighed, nodding. "I understand that much, Lovely.. But I honestly believe that you would know, because there's no feeling on Earth quite like it." Rising to his knees, he fumbled with the front of his shirt, working the buttons free of their holes without breaking eye contact. Shrugging it off, he let it fall where it would, reaching for his waistband with similar carelessness. "No one instantly falls for someone else, Lavi.. There's no way to know what could happen, all you can do is make the attempt."

Reluctant to leave his place, he frowned at his remaining clothing, missing the redhead's thunderstruck expression. As it was, he had only the slightest warning before he felt the boy move, arms wrapping almost urgently around his shoulders as the Exorcist leaned up for a passionate kiss. Gasping against the other's mouth, he released the annoying material in favor of returning his shaken touches, astonished at his sudden desperation. Feeling the younger boy's hand shift to his face, he drew back slightly, confused by his faint sound of distress.

"Lovely..? Have I finally said too much..?"

Shaking his head, Lavi pressed closer, dropping his hands to tug at the man's unfastened pants. "Just enough.." He mumbled, pulling insistently. "Get rid of these, they're in the way."

Blinking in surprise, the brunette allowed the cloth to pass through his skin, jumping at the sensation of the boy's hand on the inside of his thigh. Bending to catch his mouth, he resumed his own exploration, taking note of the shivers that met his touch even as the redhead's fingers stroked along his arousal.

Pulling away for air, Lavi buried his free hand carefully into the man's hair, urging his face down to rest against his throat with a moan. "I want to be like everyone else..." He whispered, laughing giddily. "Please, Tyki..? Just this once, make me forget that I can't..?"

Nodding slowly, the older man leaned him backward, taking hold of the boy's wrist. Pulling it from between them, he lifted it over the other's head, twining their fingers together loosely. "You see, Lovely..? If you were truly so heartless, you wouldn't wonder at all.." Urging the Exorcist's head back, he nuzzled teasingly at his neck and shoulder, humming at the light pressure of knees against his sides. "Don't forget everything, Lavi. Remember me, at least."

He trailed his fingers down the boy's hip and thigh, rocking against him with a satisfied noise. "Relax, Lovely.. You're far too tense." Ignoring the redhead's whimpered protest, he pulled back, smiling. "Don't worry, I wasn't going to stop. I only thought to look at you, for a moment." Glancing over the Exorcist's exposed skin, he murmured appreciatively. "Gods, but you are as I call you.. Have you never seen it yourself, Lavi?"

His eyes settled on the boy's flushed face, the open surprise in his expression making the brunette sigh. "Does it bother you, for me to say it? Even this is not completely without it's charm.." He leaned over the redhead's body carefully, stroking his thumb over the cheekbone just below the black cloth of his eyepatch. "I was wrong, to call it a disfigurement.. Perhaps it annoys me to have a part of you kept hidden."

Shivering at the light touch, Lavi held his breath as the man drew a finger along the edge of the material. "Don't.." He choked, turning away. "I can't take it off, not ever. I'm sorry." His anxiety made the brunette pause, his hand leaving its place to catch hold of his chin.

"I won't take it off, Lovely, not without your permission. I merely thought that I had never touched it." He bent his head, following the path his fingers had taken with his lips. Reaching the bridge of his nose, he closed his eyes. "You don't have to be so still, if there's something of mine you'd like to feel.. Touch me as you please, Lavi."

He waited patiently, sighing at the boy's hesitant fingers on his sides. "That's something at least.." He murmured, smiling against his skin. Kissing the corner of his mouth, he slipped a hand behind the Exorcist's neck, tipping his head back to better gauge his expression. "Anything at all, Lovely.. I wouldn't offer if it weren't true." The redhead's eye widened slightly, his hands rising steadily along the man's back.

"I.. I just don't know where to start." He laughed shakily, his knuckles brushing the tips of the older man's hair. "I want it to be.. How you want it. I don't really know what to do to make it that way." He combed his fingers through the loosely bound curls, shaking his head. "I can't even think of anything to say, I just want to.. Not mess up, you know?"

Tyki blinked at his sincerity, startled at the reason for his reluctance. "This isn't like that, Lavi.. Nothing you do would be wrong." He leaned down on his elbows, hissing at the Exorcist's low moan at their closeness. Burying his face into the boy's throat, he laughed breathlessly. "Nothing you've ever done was wrong.. I wish that I could explain to you how unnerving that is." He shifted teasingly, humming in approval as the redhead tightened his arms around his back, fingers sinking deeper into his hair as he lifted his hips into the contact.

Shivering at the feeling of the older man's skin against his own, Lavi shook his head dazedly. "Do you really want me to be wrong..? Its not like I think far enough ahead to make any plans, but I could try.. to.. God, that feels good.." He used his hold to press the other closer, his hands clumsy as he lowered one to clutch at the man's slowly rocking hips. "Tyki.."

Gasping for breath, he hooked his foot around the brunette's thigh, whining sharply when the man nipped a path from shoulder to ear and back. "You haven't done anything wrong, either.. Everything's just so.. I've always.." He broke off with a soft cry as the other's tongue retraced his steps, his lips brushing over the lobe of the redhead's ear as he spoke.

"Even the things you say are perfect, Lovely.. But tell me, is this how you imagined it, when you wanted me before?" He smiled at the boy's jerky nod, licking over his rapid pulse as he moved closer to his open mouth. "Then forget everything else, Lavi.. Do as you would have then, and we'll both have one less regret."

Closing his eye, the Exorcist whimpered brokenly at the rising flood of sensation, unable to contain the embarrassingly needy sound. Working his fingers free of the other's hair, he clung to his back, his legs rising to wrap loosely around his waist. "I've only.. got one." He whispered, fighting down his blush. "I wish I hadn't lied, when you first.. Even if I was scared, I should've told you that I wanted.."

He choked back a cry as the man ground against him, his eye widening at the heat of his skin. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to keep-" The keening note in his voice made him wince, but the older man merely shook his head.

"Don't be sorry, Lavi.. I've always enjoyed the sounds you make when you're like this." He laughed softly, pressing a kiss to the boy's jaw. "Perhaps that's why I forget myself with you, Lovely.. Being the first to make you feel these things must have gone to my head." He traced the lobe of one ear with his lips, smiling at his pleading whine. "What was it that you wanted, Lavi? Did you wish for someone to treat you this way, as if they would give anything in the world just to make love to you?"

Gasping sharply, the Exorcist buried his face in the man's shoulder, shaking his head faintly. "Don't.! It's too much, don't call it that! Nobody's ever-" He broke off with a moan, his hips lifting helplessly against the other's. Struggling to speak, he took a rough breath. "They all knew I couldn't give anything back, so they never.. You were my first everything, Tyki. I'd never even had a real ki-"

The brunette cut him off with a gentle squeeze, urging his face up. "Then I truly am sorry, Lovely.. But that's something else unique about you. I don't think I've ever been with anyone quite like you." He caught the boy's mouth with his own, cradling his head as he intensified his steady movements. Feeling his fingers dig into his back, he hummed in agreement, leaning back to breathe.

"And why not call it that..? This is most definitely not fucking, Lavi." He repeated the kiss, following the hard line of the boy's teeth before stroking over his tongue questioningly. The redhead's arms tightened, his head falling back to expose his throat as he shivered.

"Its lying, Tyki.. No matter how you say it, or how much I wish it wasn't, its still just a lie.."

Noting the boy's obvious distress, Tyki shook his head, mildly annoyed with himself. "Don't think of it like that, Lovely.. If it troubles you, think of it as making the attempt." He paused at the other's shaken stillness, lifting his head to meet his gaze. "You don't want that, then..?"

Holding his breath, the Exorcist faltered at the resigned expression on the man's face, visible despite the faint light. Forcing down his anxiety, he fought to regain his wits with extreme effort. "You want to.. But that's not fair! What if you're completely wrong, and I really can't.." He shook his head jerkily, ignoring the surge of disbelief from his resting self. "You'd be stuck with it, and I.."

The older man sighed quietly, lifting himself to his elbows. "You forbid me to fall for you, Lavi? How is that 'fair'? I could no more promise you that than you could promise to love me."

Biting his lip, the redhead closed his eye tightly. "I don't mean it like that, I can't stop you from doing anything! Its just not right!" He growled at the sting of frustrated tears, refusing to let his despair stop his words. "Nobody should feel that way about me, Tyki.. It hurts when someone doesn't love you back." The feeling of the man's lips on his own was astonishing, and he gasped at the intensity of his still-present longing.

Leaning back, the brunette smiled at his surprise. "What of me, Lovely? Maybe I'm as incapable of it as you seem to believe you are.." Stroking the boy's temple lightly, he shook his head. "I don't know why, but that troubles me now. Will you try with me, Lavi? Here, where you say I'm so different?"

Holding the Exorcist's gaze, he sighed. "Do you know what I regret the most, Lovely..? I wish that this could be the beginning, instead of what already was. The thing that would make me 'happy' is something I can't have.. Even at my full strength, I had no power over the past."

Stunned by his admission, the redhead could only blink speechlessly as the man closed his eyes with a slight smile. "I'd undo it all, Lavi.. Everything but the day I found Michaela. That day and it's night are the only times that feel worthy of keeping."

Lavi shook his head, pulling the brunette down with a jerk. "Don't say that! It was all.. If everything hadn't happened just like this, you might not have.." He tightened his arms, ignoring the heat in his cheeks. "We wouldn't be here, would we..? If things were different, I wouldn't know that you-" Breathing deeply, he attempted to slow his racing thoughts. "D'you really want that, Tyki? I don't want you to do this if its because you feel guilty.."

The man's quiet chuckle was muffled against the Exorcist's throat, his hair tickling the other's cheek as he nodded. "I really do, Lovely. I can't say that there's no remorse, but it has nothing to do with this." Pushing himself away from the redhead, he smiled at the high color of his face. "Are you embarrassed, Lovely? I thought I'd been clear about my intentions.."

Lowering his head, he brushed his lips over the boy's cheek, shifting until he could hold himself up. "I want to move past all of that, and see how things could be.. Even if nothing changes, wouldn't you rather know?"

Turning his face into the light touch, the Exorcist allowed him to pull back, his chest painfully tight. "Knowing things is my job, Tyki.. But Bookmen are cold-hearted, they.. We.. Aren't supposed to be attached.."

Narrowing his eyes, the older man bent until they were nose to nose, his voice low but steady. "Then I will melt you."

Reaching for the discarded bottle, he kept their bodies close as he opened it carefully, pouring the chilly fluid into his hand. Setting it nearby, he turned his attention to the astonished redhead, smiling at his silence. "What else can I do, Lovely? You don't believe me?"

Lavi shuddered expectantly, gasping at the sensation of a hand descending steadily along his abdomen. "I.. I believe you, but.." He bucked upward as the man drew tiny circles against the skin of his arousal, his eye closed tight as he whimpered. "What does it do for you..? What do you get from it, Tyki?"

Laughing quietly, the brunette slid his hand lower, spreading the oil across the other's entrance. "That's an easy question, Lavi.. I get you." Watching the boy's eye widen and then close in pleasure, he repeated his slow touches. "You want that, don't you? To have me all to yourself..?"

For a moment, Lavi wondered if it were really possible to die from sheer want. Hearing the older man offer himself in such a way, after all of his protests and excuses.. The faint sense of satisfaction from his resting self echoed his own, and he was almost frightened by the sudden flare of desperation brought on by the feeling.

"Please.." He moaned, arching against the man's teasing fingertips. "I want that too, so.." Opening his eye, he shivered at the other's rapt attention, swallowing heavily. "Show me. Before I think of another reason to stop you."

Tyki hummed softly, pressing gently through the faint resistance of his muscles. "Then think of something else, Lovely.. Like how very good this is going to be." Curling his fingers slightly, he growled at the redhead's broken cry, stroking the rise of his prostate. "Do you remember the last time you were like this, Lavi..? I could do what I did then, if you asked me to.."

The Exorcist shook his head rapidly, his fingers sunk deep in the material of their blanket. "No.. Not this time. It was good then, but.." Forcing himself to relax, he sighed breathlessly. "This time, I don't want anything to keep me from holding on to you."

Lifting his arms, he reached for the startled brunette with a faint smile. "Now..? I promise its enough, Tyki." Wincing at the man's uncertainty, he cupped his palm carefully beneath his jaw, urging him down for a slow kiss. Catching his breath, he kept their mouthes close enough to brush the older man's lips as he spoke. "I'm scared to death, you know.. But I want you to prove me wrong."

Withdrawing his hand, Tyki allowed himself to be pulled closer, pausing to retrieve the container of oil. Frowning at the odd unsteadiness of his movements, he poured the cool liquid into his cupped palm, reclosing the bottle and setting it aside. "There's nothing to be afraid of, Lovely. Its the same as everything else, only.. More. Or maybe less, of some things." He covered himself patiently, inhaling sharply at the redhead's sudden grip on his shoulder and waist. "What..?"

Laughing shakily, the Exorcist shook his head. "Less talking would be good.. And less waiting." Closing his eye, he repeated his gentle kiss, lifting himself to meet the other's cautious movements. Surprised by the lack of pain, he rocked upward, tightening his arms with an encouraging sound.

The brunette shivered at his eagerness, sliding deeper with a moan. "Gods, Lavi.." Catching the boy's mouth, he shifted a hand to his hip, stroking the skin as he began to move. Lifting his head, he exhaled roughly at the redhead's answering motions, his hand slipping around to press against his arched waist. "More of this could be dangerous.. It makes me wonder how much better it would be if you truly wanted it.."

Whimpering softly, the Exorcist shook his head. "I do want it! You aren't making me-" He gasped at the man's tight hold, his legs shaking against the other's sides as he arched pleadingly. "I mean it, I want this..!"

The brunette held his slow pace, adjusting his angle until the boy cried out wordlessly, his eye hazed with pleasure. "I know you do, but I didn't mean it like that.. I wondered how it would feel if your whole heart were in it, Lovely." He leaned in, closing his eyes at the redhead's low whine. "Its odd that I want to know.. I never wondered with anyone else, but you.."

Shuddering at his quiet words, Lavi struggled to speak around the lump in his throat. "Don't..! Don't tell me that now, I.." Drawing a breath, he locked his arms around the man's back, burying his face against his neck and shoulder. "I promise I'll try, so please.. Don't make me hate myself when you feel so good.."

The older man shook his head faintly, urging the Exorcist to relax. "But now is the best time, Lavi.. And you shouldn't be guilty for the things you don't feel." He lifted the boy higher, growling at the brief press of his nails. "You should concentrate on this, Lovely.. You and I, here and now."

Bucking into the man's steady movements, Lavi moaned, his fingers digging into the other's back. "But I.. I want to know too! If you.. It couldn't be better, I'd- Tyki!" He tightened his legs around the brunette's waist, his back bent into a shaking arch. "Like that, Oh God please..!"

Hissing at the desperate pitch of his voice, Tyki braced himself on one arm, catching his lifted hips with the other. "Not yet, Lovely.. I know you want it, but this time.." He bent as close as he was able, holding the boy's wide-eyed stare. "This time, I want you to need it."

Crying out sharply, Lavi dropped his arms to the ground, pushing himself up to catch the man's mouth. Swallowing his astonished gasp, he licked at the other's lips and tongue, grinding their bodies together with a whimper. Feeling the brunette's arm clench around his hips, he pulled back to speak. "I already need it.. Can't you feel..?" He sank backwards, using his grip to bring the older man down to cover him. Raising his legs higher along the other's sides, he took hold of his shoulders with a broken moan.

Tyki intensified his movements in reply, panting at the Exorcist's plaintive sounds. "Only a little longer, Lavi..? You can't wait at all?"

Lavi shook his head rapidly, his voice breathless and urgent. "I don't want to, but- I think I'm gonna come without you.." He lifted himself to press against the older man's body, every muscle drawn tight as he choked. "Its never been this good, I can't.." He bit his lip hard enough to bruise the skin, closing his eye with a growl of frustration. "Stop," He rasped, ignoring the clamor of his body. "Tyki, stop!"

Wrapping his arms around the man's neck, he jerked him down, his legs tightening likewise to hold the other still. Shivering with denied arousal, he breathed deeply before attempting to speak. "I don't want it to be like that.." He whispered, blinking rapidly. "Its supposed to be different! It can't always be like this, not if we're going to..try.."

Tyki nodded, pushing carefully against the boy's arms. "I understand. But it is different, Lovely.." Sliding backward, he hissed at the redhead's brief clench around him, thrusting forward shallowly. "Better, and so much harder to- Please, Lavi.. Tell me what to do, because I think I'll go mad if you make me stop."

He repeated his gentle movements, moaning breathlessly at the other's quiet whimper. "Tell me, Lovely.. Is this what you wanted..?" The Exorcist's heels dug shakily into his back, the act drawing him both closer and deeper. Growling in reply, he slipped an arm beneath the boy's body, supporting his hips as he leaned down to lick a slow line along the redhead's collarbone, his breath cooling the damp skin as he panted. "There's no need to hold yourself back, not when I'm just as close as you are.."

Burying a hand into the man's hair, Lavi fumbled awkwardly with the loose tie that held it, tugging it free and casting it aside. Cupping the back of his head, he pulled him up, his free hand moving to touch as much of the other's skin as he could reach. Speaking between short, hungry kisses, he struggled to form coherent words. "Not..without you! Please, Tyki-"

The brunette shuddered roughly, his fingers digging into the boy's skin. "Please what, Lavi..? Tell me what you want!"

Using his grip around the man's waist, Lavi rocked upward to match his quickening rhythm, pushing his head down to speak directly into his ear. "I want you to let go, Tyki.." He moaned breathlessly, fingers tangling loosely into the man's hair. "You said I'm yours.. Am I, really?"

The older man nodded rapidly, his arms tight around the Exorcist's lifted hips. "Mine. You gave yourself..to..Lavi!" He cried out sharply at the boy's hard nip to the side of his throat, his movements faltering as the redhead sucked firmly at the stinging skin. "Don't.. do that, I'll-"

Lifting his head, Lavi pulled him in for a possessive kiss, bucking into his stilted thrusts urgently. "You left your mark.. And so did I. You're mine, Tyki." Wrapping his arms around the man's back, he gasped. "Please let me feel you.. Come for me?"

The brunette's eyes widened fractionally, so dark with pleasure that they almost appeared black as he nodded jerkily. "For you, Lovely.. Because this feels so real- Oh, God!" Clutching the Exorcist roughly to him, he buried himself as deeply as he was able, the abrupt movement drawing a choked scream from the redhead as his muscles locked viciously around the man inside him. The shuddering clench of the boy's body destroyed what bit of control he may have still had, his eyes closed tight as he matched his lover's harsh cry of completion.

Still shivering with faint sparks of erotic flame, Lavi lifted his back with a breathy whimper, sighing in contentment as the older man shifted his arms to the side, one sliding carefully beneath the Exorcist's head to support him. Winding shaky fingers into the brunette's sweat-dampened hair, he urged him down for a soft kiss, moaning at the lazy sweetness of it.

Feeling the other begin to move backward, he tightened his legs gently, shaking his head. "Not yet.. Please? Just a little longer.." He laughed almost drunkenly at the man's slow nod, nuzzling against his shoulder with a quiet hum. "M'sorry, I just.. I think I hate that."

He relaxed his grip, blinking at the near-perfect darkness around them. "That was.. What was that, Tyki? Any word I think of doesn't match.." The older man pushed himself to his elbows, pausing for a moment at the Exorcist's anxious sound.

"I'm not going anywhere, Lovely.. Not until you want me to." He regarded the boy seriously, his look softening into a faint smile at the redhead's relieved expression. "Does it need a definition, Lavi? Giving it a name won't change anything, will it?" Leaning down to press his lips to the boy's own, he sighed. "If you must, think of it as.. Incentive." Seeing the Exorcist's eyebrow lift curiously, he chuckled. "If there were feelings involved, it would have been even better. Every bit of it."

Suppressing a shiver, the redhead bit his lip. "How do you know?" He murmured, averting his gaze. "You said you don't know if you can.. have feelings for someone either, so.." The thought of the older man having detailed knowledge on the subject was almost worthy of tears, but he knew that mere saltwater had no hope of expressing the anguish he felt. Forcing his voice to be steady, he turned back to face the man squarely.

"Was there.. Did you love somebody else? I mean, someone that made you think you couldn't anymore?" He flinched at the surprised look on the brunette's face, feeling his cheeks heat uncomfortably. "Is that how you know what it's like..?"

As soon as the words were spoken, he cursed himself silently for asking. Bracing himself for the obvious response, he wondered how long it would be before the hurting stopped.

Something in his expression must have given him away, the older man's eyebrows lifting as the silence stretched on. Tilting his head, the brunette raised a hand to push the hair away from the boy's face. "Are you jealous, Lavi..?" He sensed rather than saw the Exorcist shrink from the question, his eye widening at the other's quiet voice. Leaning closer, he frowned slightly. "Don't be. It wasn't like this at all."

Feeling the boy stiffen beneath him, he shook his head. "I mean it wasn't physical, Lovely. Even I had friends, once." He sighed quietly, stroking the redhead's cheek with a finger. "I know that things seemed better when they were with me, and worse when they were gone. Its the same feeling, without being romantic, yes?" He laughed quietly, shaking his head again. "Was this better than that first time, Lavi?"

The Exorcist nodded slowly, wincing at the reference. "Yeah.. A lot better, but-"

Tyki smiled, shifting until they were eye to eye. "Why? Didn't you really want me then, even though you said you didn't? Why would this time, or any of the others be different?" He sighed, relaxing into the boy's hold. "I've loved people before, but I don't think I could say I've ever been in love. Not the way you're imagining it."

Lavi blinked at the tone of his voice, his arms tightening around the man's shoulders. "I'm sorry.. That I asked and that you haven't."

The brunette hummed questioningly, carding a hand absently through the boy's hair. "Its no great loss, Lovely. One can't really miss something they've never had.. Isn't it the same for you?"

The Exorcist shook his head firmly, frowning. "It's not. I really can't miss it, but that's because I don't even know what it is. You know, so it's worse-" He faltered at the older man's calm stare, clearing his throat. "You deserve it. You shouldn't be alone." He laughed anxiously, closing his eye. "That's one more reason that you should have picked someone else, you know.. You could do a lot better."

Tyki moved backward, wincing at the other's momentary clutch and release. Reaching for the bottom edge of the blanket, he wiped himself somewhat clean, doing the same for the boy's stomach. Drawing the redhead closer, he tugged the excess material over them, settling beside him with a contented sigh. "I highly doubt that, Lavi.. You seem to suit me rather well." Stroking the Exorcist's bare back, he smiled faintly. "You shouldn't belittle yourself, Lovely. The good things about you outweigh the bad by far."

Feeling the redhead take a breath to protest, he pressed a finger to the boy's lips. "Let it stand, Lavi. My opinion is just that, not a point to be argued.. Besides, didn't we have this same talk about me? You seem to think very highly of me, when I can only see the ills I've done."

Lavi nodded, scooting just a bit closer. "All right, then. Do you really think we could come back here again..? I mean, you don't have to take me places all the time, but-"

The brunette laughed, shaking his head. "I wouldn't mind having you with me, anytime you wished it.. And I most certainly wouldn't object to returning, especially in light of.. Pleasant associations with the place." He urged the boy's face up, meeting his gaze. "If there is someplace you wish to go, tell me. Don't think of yourself as a prisoner, Lovely."

The Exorcist's eye widened in surprise, then narrowed. "But that's exactly what I am.. You don't know me well enough to call me anything else, Tyki." He sighed, shaking his head slowly. "I don't think I want you to know.. Being a Bookman isn't like anything else. No matter what I knew was going to happen, all I could do was watch.. And then I had to learn not to care about anything but the facts. We didn't look at the people, it was like they were.. Irrelevant."

He shuddered briefly, gritting his teeth at the twisting sensation of nausea. "Doing that was awful, but.. I think the worst part is never being able to forget it. I remember every single detail, you know? Even when I didn't care, I remembered those people."

The older man blinked at the utter self-loathing in the redhead's voice, opening his mouth to speak. Before the comforting words could emerge, the boy cut him off.

"You think you're evil because you've killed people, right?" He didn't wait for the brunette to reply, closing his eye with a humorless laugh. "Me, too. Hundreds of them. Maybe even thousands." His voice shook slightly, but he cleared his throat and pressed on. "At least you looked them in the face, Tyki. Gramps and I, we just kept our Goddamned mouthes shut and looked right through them."

Now his voice did crack, and the sound seemed to mock him as he fell silent. Tyki waited for the span of two breaths, then shook his head.

"Killing someone and allowing someone to die are different, Lavi. It might not feel like it now, but it is." He ignored the boy's sharp inhale, his arm wrapping securely around the other's waist. Resting his face against the Exorcist's hair, he sighed. "You never wanted to hurt anyone, that's why it could never be the same thing."

Lavi accepted the one-armed embrace, his eye still closed as he nodded reluctantly. "Maybe not, but.. I don't want to be like that anymore. Even if I have to remember what I saw, I'd rather feel bad about it than feel nothing."

The brunette hummed in understanding, stroking the cooled skin of the boy's back. "Do you want to go now, Lovely..? Its getting cold, not to mention late." Feeling the other's reluctant nod, he smiled. "I promise we'll come back, Lavi.. Many times."

Rising to sit, he retrieved their castoff clothing, passing the Exorcist's over before reaching for his own. After a momentary tussle with his pants, he turned to address his companion. "Would you like to go with me tomorrow as well, Lovely? No matter what I say, I do feel rather obligated to continue visiting.."

Tugging awkwardly at his boots, the redhead nodded. "Anytime you feel like company, Tyki. But no more bimbo killing, ok? I'll keep my jokes to myself, honest." Laughing at the man's arch look, he stood, offering a hand. "Come on, let's go before you catch a chill.. I'd be a lousy nurse."

Smirking, the brunette rose to his feet, glancing deliberately over the boy's figure. "Perhaps.. But with a little padding up top-"

The Exorcist swiped at him halfheartedly, laughing despite himself. "Right. Just as soon as we find a backless apron for you, O Fearsome One." Folding their blanket haphazardly, he stuffed it back into the knapsack, slinging it over his shoulder. "I hope you don't need your space, Tyki.. For some reason, I feel like being clingy."

Laughing, the older man shook his head, wrapping his arms around the boy's middle firmly. Lowering his head, he paused just shy of touching, a smile evident in his voice. "Space is highly overrated, Lovely." Feeling oddly pleased with himself, he closed the scarce distance between them, hoping that the boy's sleep would be much more peaceful tonight than it had seemed before.

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Well, there's some more. Hope you all enjoyed it after the long wait.
Ja ne!