Learning to Land | By : Suteishichic Category: Prince of Tennis/Tennis no Ohjisama > General Views: 11419 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis (Tennis no Ohjisama), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Learning to Land. Chapter Eighty Three ~Oshitari~
Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, Non-con rape of a minor, and lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)
Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)
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Finally Gakuto took a shuddery breath and nodded as if saying he was finally ready as well.
He took another breath and when he let it out, softly he said, "I remember..."
Yuushi had no idea what that meant. It could have been any one of a thousand things--but then what it might mean filled the tensai with a sudden sinking feeling of both horror and dread because no one should ever have to recall anything like what Gakuto went through as a child.
Even so, why Gakuto remembering would be such a deep, dark secret he felt he had to hide and force himself to confess even further confused the tensai. Yuushi had no idea what Gakuto's reasoning for any of this could be or what it could all mean. The tensai only understood that until he had more information, Yuushi needed to keep his breathing even and calm and not respond or seem to react whatsoever. Gakuto would tell him when he was ready in his own way. In fact, the little redhead was practically crackling with pent up angst and tension like a live wire or a coiled snake ready to spark and strike at the slightest provocation.
Suddenly, Gakuto pushed away from the tensai, ready to start lashing out. Gakuto's voice went higher and became hoarse as it did whenever he felt extremely stressed or annoyed, "Did you hear what I said? I remember what happened to me!" He moved further away and lifted his chin defiantly, "I remember. Now you know. When they hurt me, what happened, what they did to me? I remember. Almost all of it. It's a big lie that I don't remember. Everyone believes that I don't, and it's all a big fat lie...!"
The little redhead took a trembling breath in and let it out with a huff. Gakuto began to shake his leg slightly, and he looked away as he often did when he was trying to explain his way out of trouble, "Well, it's not all a total lie, because there is a lotta stuff I don't remember and never will. And really, honestly Yuushi," He met the tensai's eyes and looked as if he was begging Yuushi to understand or maybe even forgive him--although the tensai had no clue what it was Gakuto desperately wanted to be forgiven and understood about, "I really didn't remember anything at first...I swear...I didn't...nothing at all..." The little redhead looked down and started to pick at a flaw in the sheet with his delicate fingers.
Hearing this broke Yuushi's heart. Truly.
The tensai had always believed the only saving grace regarding what Gakuto had suffered was that he was unable to recall any of what happened. Gakuto's memory being gone, his amnesia from the physical and emotional traumas he suffered was the kindest gift a victim of such a horrible crime could be blessed with. Even if it did steal away all of his childhood memories also, Yuushi felt comforted that it was worth that high cost for Gakuto to not recall any details of what he went through because meant that Gakuto would not be haunted by what happened to him as a small child.
Unfortunately, his beautiful little redhead didn't even have that.
Much softer Gakuto said, "Honest, Yuushi. I swear. I really didn't remember anything when I first woke up or for a long time after. Nothing. I didn't know where I was. I didn't know I was hurt or what happened to me. I couldn't remember who I was or who any of my family was or anything--just like I told you before. That was the truth. I mean, I didn't even know my own name. And...honestly, I still don't remember some things--like any of my old friends, or my old school, and lots of stuff like that..."
Gakuto burrowed his head between the tensai and the pillow and spoke in a quiet voice. A child-like voice that Yuushi had never heard him use before, "Mommy said it's okay. She said that it's okay I don't remember those things and even if I never do it's okay because she has pictures and videos and stories and she reminded me. She told me about my old life and since then I made lotsa new memories, and new friends, and all kinds of stuff like that. And the important thing is, like she said, I'm alive and can make even more memories, so it's fine...it's nothing to be sad about at all..."
Yuushi smoothed back the pillow that was nearly covering Gakuto's perfect heart-shaped face. The redhead looked so forlorn that it didn't look fine to Yuushi. Not at all. Gakuto's chin and lower lip were trembling as he wrestled for control of his emotions.
And won. Suddenly Gakuto shrugged as if throwing the weight of sorrow off his small shoulders. He licked his lips as he often did when nervous, but now when he spoke, it was in his normal voice again and not that child-like one, "So...a while later, I don't know exactly when, I started to remember things that happened. At first it was just a bunch of nightmares and it didn't make much sense. It was all outta order and...bad. Confusing and scary crap that didn't make much sense. Faces and flashes and things like that and sometimes, actually alotta the time, I was afraid to go to sleep. My mom said it was just bad dreams. Maybe from the things they were givin me at the hospital, the medicines and stuff that were makin me better. A side-effect but just bad dreams. Really horrible, really, really terrible bad dreams. Hospitals and doctors and tubes and stuff like that are scary things anyway, especially when you're a kid, so my mom would stay with me and tell me stories about my life before at night."
Gakuto smiled slightly and his voice was less tense. "When I had bad dreams, she would hold me close, and flip my pillow, and she would tell me I wasn't alone. And that I was safe and stuff. She would always stay with me when I fell asleep and watch me while I slept. I was in the hospital when the bad dreams started, and even though my mom tried to help, they were gettin worse insteada better. It seemed like the better I got health-wise, the worse the dreams were gettin. One day, out of the blue, some of my old friends came to visit me at the hospital, but I didn't know any of them at all. I couldn't remember anyone and they all got kinda upset when they saw me, so I musta still been really hurt and musta looked all messed up...I thought I was gettin better because that's what my parents and the doctors and nurses all told me. Every day they told me I was makin amazing progress and stuff, but I musta still been really bad..."
His auburn head turned to look far away in thought and then Gakuto shrugged to himself before continuing, "Everyone there gettin upset got me upset. And my mom was all angry that they were there because she said they shouldn'ta all come. She said my own brother and sister hadn't seen me yet and that it was only supposed to be one or two people and not a whole bunch all at once. These adults, I guess parents of the kids that were my friends were there, and for some reason, the adults all seemed mad. The adults and my mom started arguin. Some of them yelled and got angry at my mom and she got mad back and yelled back at them and then she started cryin. It was the first time I heard my mom say that I had been in a car accident. She said somethin about how they were all wrong because I was in a car accident. Even one of the doctors told them I was in a car accident, and that they shouldn't upset a hurt child like this. I got really upset and started cryin because I didn't know anyone or what was going on. I was scared because everyone was all angry and yellin and cryin and shoutin about things I didn't know anythin about--but somehow I knew that everythin was all my fault."
"I couldn't breathe all of a sudden and started gettin sick everywhere. I guess I passed out because when I woke up only my parents were there with the doctor. Mom said my dad made them leave. They all went away and they never came back. I never saw any of them again, so I guess they weren't really my good friends or anythin. My mom told me later that the doctors hoped that seeing one or two of my old friends might help me to remember stuff, but all it did was make me more confused and upset. And the nightmares after that, they got even worse."
"Some time after all those kids and their parents came by, maybe a day or so later, the police came by to see me. They had come by before, but after that, they came by it seemed like every day. This one mean man and this pushy woman kept comin around and they would always ask me millions of questions and try to kinda force me to remember stuff. Like maybe they thought if they said things to me enough times I would remember or somethin. And when I didn't remember like they wanted me to, then they would get really mad at me and sometimes they would be mean and tell me scary things. Especially if my Mom went down to get a cup of coffee while they were talkin to me, and I was alone, then they would be real bastards. I didn't want my mom to cry again, so I tried to not get upset, but they would go outta their way to make me upset. They would show me pictures of men sometimes, but I didn't recognize any of them and I didn't know why I should. I thought I was in a car accident for a long time and that was why I couldn't remember anything and was all messed up."
"At some point I thought that maybe one of the men in the pictures they showed me was drivin the car that was in the accident. I dunno. Stupid, but I was that confused. Later I found out that the police never believed that my memory was gone. They told them they didn't believe me and called me a liar. They would get more and more angry at me every time they came. It got so bad that I would ask my Mom to stay with me, and they started being mean to me right in front of my parents. Until my mom or my dad or the doctors would make them leave."
"Sometimes I would remember little things, like from the nightmares. I tried to figure it all out on my own,but nothing I remembered fit anything like me bein in a car accident. I was afraid to say anythin because I was confused and my parents were upset a lotta the time and the police kept scarin me with the things they were tellin me."
"Some days I got so mixed up that I wasn't sure if the things that happened in the hospital were the bad dream and I didn't know what was real. I would wish to myself that when I woke up that everythin would be back to whatever was normal and I would remember who I was and it would all be a bad dream. I didn't know what was real sometimes when I woke up, and when I was still in the hospital when I woke up I would get sad and confused. Was what everyone said happened, me bein in a car accident real, or things I dreamed about, or the mean things the police said? What was real? Sometimes I thought the whole thing was the nightmare. The hospital and how much everythin hurt and how bad everythin was, I used to pray that the hospital was the bad dream, and I thought that if I was just good enough and worked hard enough that it would be over. But it wasn't." Gakuto sighed and shook his head sadly no. "Stupid, huh?"
"By the time I did remember more, my Mom already started to tell me what really happened, and it fit more with what the police said when they came around told me other things. Bad things."
"The police used words like...rape, and even though I didn't know what that was, I knew it was a really bad thing. I knew whatever it meant was what happened to me because it was bad like that in my dreams. They police told me what the bastards did to me more than my mom did. So finally, I asked her."
"She was furious when she found out the police told me because she said she wanted to tell me slowly so that I understood because I was just a little boy. The policeman also told me that someone burned our house down. He said it was my fault that my parents lost our house and everythin because I wouldn't tell them who the person who hurt me was. They said the person who hurt me was gonna hurt other little kids and it was gonna be all my fault for not tellin. They told me that I would be in big trouble and my parents would be in trouble too--maybe they would even go to jail unless I told the police. That I hadta help them or else. They said that my brother or sister would get hurt by the same people who hurt me and everythin was all gonna be my fault. They told me that the man who hurt me was still out there and he was gonna do it again and again--maybe even to me again unless I told them who it was."
Gakuto sniffled. Yuushi was surprised to see that he was holding back tears because his voice had been in a serious but even tone the entire time he talked. The police clearly terrified him when he was a little boy and to do so to a child in such a painfully vulnerable position was unforgivable. Yuushi was positive the police had been frustrated and wanted to find whoever committed these atrocious acts and harmed a small boy, but they went about it by attacking the victim. No wonder Gakuto was so afraid of telling, and yet he was so brave for holding out all this time. Somehow the class clown who seemed to be an open book, the one who ran to tell his friends every bawdy thing that happened to him was able to go this entire time without telling a single soul despite the heavy burden Gakuto carried in his heart.
Yuushi was angry. None of this was Gakuto's fault and the police were very wrong and potentially psychologically damaging. That Gakuto survived the attack was amazing. That he was functional and capable at all made him the most extraordinary person Yuushi had ever known. Gakuto continued to awe Yuushi. The tensai was very angry about all the injustices piled upon Gakuto's small, beautiful, vulnerable shoulders, but there really was nothing Yuushi could do about the past, only love and protect Gakuto in the future. Yuushi vowed this silently to himself.
Gakuto swallowed hard. He choked back any crying and then continued, " The police said the man who did the things he did to me had tried to kill me and unless I helped them, he would probably come back and finish the job. One night he might sneak into my room and kill me. And maybe my parents too. They said he probably didn't want any witnesses and I was a witness. They said he was gonna hurt me and kill me and maybe kill my whole family too. They said it was my fault that my family's house burned down because it was probably the same man. I got upset and felt sick and like I couldn't breathe again. My mom musta seen me gettin sick and heard what the police were sayin to me. She had been callin for the doctor and when she heard what the police were tellin me, my mom went totally crazy. She called the doctor and security and they got thrown out of the hospital. That's when my mom got a lawyer to stop the police from comin around anymore. Mommy said that the police lied. She said I was safe. Our whole family was. She said it was probably just some kids who burned our house down and that it was just a house so it didn't matter. She said our family was safe, and I was safe, and it was okay because that was all that really mattered."
Yuushi was reminded of a dance step his mother once taught him when he was a little boy. She was dressed for a formal party and looked like an angel to the tensai. His parents were late to leave for a party and Yuushi's mother was waiting. His father was delayed by a phone call from the hospital he worked at, and Yuushi's mother said she didn't want to wait to dance. She took the pajamas-dressed tensai by the hand and showed, as she said, her favorite little man in all the world how to spin her. She twirled away from Yuushi but was still connected by one loosely held hand, and when she reached as far away as possible, she would spin back close to him. The tensai's mother laughed each time they were close and kissed Yuushi on the forehead before twirling away again. It was one of the tensai's fondest childhood memories.
As he spoke, Gakuto had very slowly inched back into Yuushi's arms as if he wanted to be there. Yuushi who normally reached for Gakuto on every possible occasion, for a change did almost nothing to encourage him because he was trying to both give Gakuto his space and listen to what he was saying.
When he first confessed, Yuushi had originally planned to simply wear Gakuto's defenses down and to basically force himself into Gakuto's heart by giving the fiery redhead no other choice. This however, was much better than waging a campaign of love like it was a battle plan for war. It was gentle, loving, nurturing, accepting, and like nothing the tensai had ever experienced before but somehow had always yearned for. The tensai marveled at this, but decided that he was supporting Gakuto by just listening, and waiting for Gakuto to reach for him when he was ready. Gakuto was the one reaching for him.
Gakuto had pushed off when he said he remembered. He started far away at arm's length and gradually moved so that he was now laying with his head resting cradled in the crook of Yuushi's elbow. The tensai had his hand resting on Gakuto's skin, keeping it and him warm. Gakuto had pulled a thick thread from either the blanket or the sheet. His hands were busy tying it into a long string of knots as he talked, "I didn't know this then, but my brother and sister had to live with relatives for a while. My mom was always with me at the hospital and my dad was runnin between work and comin to see me too. The police even tried to see if my parents burned our house down to pay for my medical bills and I guess my dad's business wasn't doing too great then either. My dad just opened his first store right before I got hurt, but my parents both were with me in the hospital the whole day when our house burned down so they weren't blamed. It wasn't their fault, and later the investigators said it must have been an accident. Probably done by some kids in the neighborhood playin with fireworks."
"My parents had good insurance and the house was rebuilt. While it was being built, my parents and my brother and sister lived with my mom's sister, my aunt and her family. They lived there the whole time while I was in the hospital. When our old house was finished, my parents sold it immediately and moved away. They made enough money on the house sale and all to buy a new one where they live now and they helped my aunt buy the hot springs hotel she now owns. But Yuushi," Gakuto glanced over at him and looked away as if guilty, "the truth is...it is my fault. It is. If anything happened to someone else because I didn't tell, then...it is my fault."
Before Yuushi could interrupt, Gakuto went on sounding completely heartbroken and miserable, "When I got hurt, the bastards said while they were hurtin me that if I ever told that they would kill me and my whole family. And like the police said, people who do bad things like that don't stop until they get caught. They keep doin bad things over and over until the police catch them. So maybe because I never told they went and hurt some other little kids."
Gakuto's beautiful lips drew into a thin, angry line, "Like those bastards hurt Kiyoshi. See? That's my fault. Maybe the bastards who hurt me even hurt other kids really bad like me and it's all my fault. And the guys who hurt me really said those things to me, but I don't think they're the same people who hurt Kiyoshi because they woulda recognized me. I still have red hair. I don't look all that different. And me and Kiyoshi, we don't look anything alike, but the people who hurt him knew what to say to him like those other bastards said to me. So they had to know what happened. So I figure the bastards who hurt him either knew what happened to me, or maybe someone told them what to say when they hurt him. Either way, I know it's not good."
"I have a bad feeling about this, Yuushi. Like maybe all the tennis club attacks have something to do with me. Maybe the computers and Naomi and everything is all my fault and about me in some kinda way. I feel like maybe I'm supposed to do something to stop it. But Yuushi, the thing is, I just don't know what to do about it. You're smart. What should I do?I don't even know if I should tell Atobe at all and then if I do what the hell do I say? I mean I didn't even really wanna tell you, but I figured I kinda had to because you should know how horrible I am, you know, before you go swearin to me and all. So now you know. Anyway, you wanna know what happened? What they did to me? I'll tell you everythin."
Yuushi had to keep from shaking his head in surprise at the newest sudden shift in topics. Clearly Gakuto's thoughts were a jumbled miasma and he needed to talk things through to sort them out. This happened sometimes because the little redhead multi-tasked like no one Yuushi had ever known before. His brain would get stuck going around and around on ten ideas at once and he couldn't solve any of them. The tensai had learned that the best way to help was to suggest ideas and let Gakuto expound upon them. Talking them through cleared Gakuto's mind when it was a blender moving at high speeds.
At first, Yuushi had been working up to give a small suggestion basically about how nothing was Gakuto's fault for not telling. Then he switched to how his beautiful little redhead was not in any way responsible for what befell Kiyoshi. The tensai followed the next topic change through and had adapted far enough to start verbally speculating with Gakuto as to the possibility of any of their or the tennis club's recent problems being in any way related to Gakuto being attacked as a child when this latest shift occurred.
The tensai did not do well in life or in tennis when someone changed directions suddenly or started playing in a new way completely unpredictably. Yet those were the players Yuushi loved to face the best. It was a primary reason he initially had been so drawn to Gakuto who lived his life making sudden emotional, often irrational shifts. Through careful study and painstaking research Yuushi had to admit he could not predict Gakuto's shifts or where they might lead because they would occur randomly and could be caused by such idiosyncrasies as Gakuto's mood, the weather, low blood sugar, or even just a random thoughts or impulses.
The tensai knew he wasn't great at adapting mid-play. Yuushi worked best when things went in a logical line and he could think, like chess, three or five moves ahead. With everyone else, the tensai was so far ahead of them that they were boring. Even conversations were dull and draining because he could see the outcome before the other person finished their first sentence.
Only with Gakuto could he never predict how things would go. It was very exciting. And frequently frustrating, but Yuushi was rapidly learning new methods to compensate in an effort to keep up with Gakuto.
Yuushi nodded gravely in agreement to Gakuto's question, while his brain flew to catch-up and follow the leaps and bounds in the conversation to try to make logical sense of where it ended up. The tensai was pleased that his nodding seemed to be the appropriate response. However, even after backtracking, Yuushi wasn't certain at all what he should expect to hear Gakuto say next.
Gakuto let a breath out of his nose in a quick sigh Yuushi had often noticed him make before attempting a new stunt or gymnastics maneuver when he wasn't quite certain of how it would go. He wouldn't know how he would land but he would take off flying and hope for the best, "Okay. What happened was, I think it was just a normal day. My mom told me that I was taking these lame gymnastics classes that our school sponsored. And I guess they were pretty boring and I complained a lot that most of the students were all older and it was more of a place where everyone would goof off than really learn anything or practice. I still went because at the time it was the only thing my parents could afford since it was free for students. So this one day, this one kid lead me into the school gym club room. I was supposed to show him how to do that thing, you know, when I put it in my mouth and suck on myself?"
Yuushi nodded shocked and wondered if Gakuto was just going to suddenly confess everything. Apparently so. The tensai had no idea how to react or respond and tried to think of how his hearing this could affect Gakuto's feelings for him. He might need a lot of space and distance after confessing. Yuushi worried and listened.
"Right. That. Okay, this is a kinda weird part, okay? Because I remember some kid askin me, and him leadin me in there, but I don't remember who he was. I think it mighta been this kid Kikumaru, he's our age and I hate him, but I'm not sure. Wish I was. Anyway, the whole thing was a trap. The bastards just wanted to get me in there alone, and once I walked in, the five other kids grabbed me, locked the doors, and started pushin me to the floor and rippin my clothes off. I didn't know what the hell was goin on so I tried to fight and got away from them and I ran. I tried to hide, but they found me and dragged me back. They finished gettin my clothes off and that's when sensei..."
"What?" Yuushi froze inside. All thoughts of anything else dried up and Yuushi's full attention was tuned to Gakuto.
Gakuto looked at him and shrugged, "Yeah, the sensei. Our teacher. The advisor. For the gymnastics club. Didn't I tell you? Well he's the one who was tellin them what to do. They always hung around with him. The club was small. Most kids wanted to take stupid things like soccer or baseball or judo. So waitin for me were five older kids, plus the one kid who lead me in there, and the sensei. Sensei had them hold me down and made them stuff clothes in my mouth. He said it was gonna be to muffle my screams. And he..."
Gakuto licked his lips and astounding Yuushi with his bravery, pressed on, "He was the one who said he was gonna go first and he did. He told them what to do while he was doin it to me and then one by one, they all did what he told them to do. That kid that lead me in there, he ran away when I started screamin and crying before anythin really happened. I don't remember what came next really clear. Like I kinda remember, but the order is all mixed up or somethin. I just remember that it hurt like hell, and they all kept hurtin me. They wouldn't stop no matter what I did, and they kept hurtin me for a long time, and they all said that stuff about if I told then they would kill me, and..."
He took a shuddery breath and let it quickly out before plunging ahead. Yuushi was reminded of watching Gakuto learning to dive and continuing on despite making a series of belly flops that resounded with a crack as his skin smacked the water. His little redhead was so brave, choking on the water, trying over and over again, even though he didn't even know how to swim. Gakuto once he set his mind to do something, never stopped, "And then when it got really, really bad, I kinda had this dream about my mom tellin me she loved me and I forgot things then while I was dreaming, but I do remember when it musta been near the end. This one kid, the last one,he didn't want to do it to me. He started cryin and sayin no he didn't wanna, and then sensei hurt me again. He stuck his you know," Gakuto looked distinctly uncomfortable, "his...penis..."
Yuushi was surprised at the clinical term when normally Gakuto was downright bawdy with his descriptions. Especially regarding his descriptive terminology pertaining to various male genitalia, no one came close to the variety and originality of Gakuto's explicit terminology. However, the tensai guessed Gakuto was telling the story of what happened to him mixed in with what he had been told happened by his parents after the fact. Including the terms for body parts.
The little boy that Gakuto was over the years must have put the names and the terms together with his own recollection. As this was his first time telling what happened, Gakuto resorted to proper names instead of the usually colorful terminology he used when joking around with the guys. The tensai wondered if it was a way for Gakuto to disassociate what happened to him and what he suffered with reality as he knew it now.
Yuushi had researched enough to know some sexual assault victims similarly used shockingly graphic descriptions of actions and body parts, and other young victims drew scary pictures making the offender's genitalia enormous and appear as if torture weaponry from the middle ages. Perhaps Gakuto in his own way disassociated and stepped away from the reality and the pain by shockingly calling the offender's body parts by their proper name. Yuushi made a mental note to research this when he had an opportunity, and to avoid using proper terminology around or especially whenever in bed with Gakuto.
Gakuto paused for a moment as if he stumbled on the unusual word as well but quickly continued, "...in me and when sensei took it outta me, all over it and all over him was all this blood. It was the first time I knew that I was bleeding...you know...from down there. I mean, I knew it hurt and that I was all messed up, and I knew there was lots blood all over everywhere. There was so much blood that I could smell it, but I didn't put together that all that blood was my blood until then. It didn't even really hurt anymore. It was strange. I remember it was like I was kinda looking down on myself when this happened and it was like watchin it on TV or in a movie happen to some other poor little kid. I guess maybe I was kinda numb because everythin hurt so bad. You know, like when you work out so hard and push past the pain to the point where everything feels numb?"
He shrugged, "Anyway, I didn't know until then that it was my blood. Sensei told the kid if he didn't put his penis in me then sensei and all of the others would do the kid like they did me. Sensei said that the kid was already dirty and not doin it to me wasn't gonna help anythin. He said my blood was already on the kid's hands and that the kid couldn't back out now or be a baby. Sensei said he was gonna show the kid that he had my blood all over him. He was gonna ram his penis with my blood into the kid, and that the kid was gonna be next if he didn't start, so the kid did."
"Sensei tried to make the kid put his penis in my mouth first, but I could barely breathe. I guess my nose was already broke and my mouth was all swollen up so maybe my jaw was broke by then too. I couldn't lay my head back because I would choke on all the blood so they had propped me kinda up against a wall or somethin. When the kid couldn't put it into my mouth first, they made him just shove it into me but I don't think he was even hard. He didn't want to, I know that, but he was afraid not to. He whispered that he was sorry to me very quietly when all the other bastards stood around cheering him on. They didn't hear him, but I did. I think he mighta even been cryin. It was the first time that I really knew how bad I was hurt and I knew that..."
Gakuto paused only a second to wet his lips again, and Yuushi noticed his cheeks had grown shiny with silently spilled tears. His voice sounded much quieter, "...I knew that I was gonna die then. I knew they were gonna kill me and that all the threats and everythin they were sayin to me was all just to make it worse. I tried to whisper to that kid and asked him to help me and if he couldn't help me because he was scared, then to just tell my mom that I loved her, but I couldn't say the words clearly with my mouth all swollen up. I think he heard me though. I remember him lookin at me. He looked at me all surprised but then he was also looking at me all disgusted by how I looked. Like I was a thing. That bastard sensei wouldn't say my name. The whole time it happened he wouldn't say my name. He kept saying boy or him for me but not my name like I didn't have one. He told them things to do while they were doin it like, 'Hurt him... Touch the boy like this... Hit him harder... Stop the boy from cryin or makin noise... Put it in him there... Make the boy feel it...' Crap like that."
This truly upset Gakuto and his lower lip and chin trembled for a moment as he held back more tears. He took another quick, deep breath, let it out, and went on, "I...I asked the kid over and over to help me or to please, please, please just tell my mom I loved her. I said to him, "My name is Gakuto and you know me. We're friends. We usedta be friends. Even if you hate me, please help me." I begged him to just tell my mom I love her, and that's when he started gettin sick. He was all bloody from me and all of a sudden he looked at me and just started makin these noises. Then he started throwin up all over me and that's when I started to cry. And when I started cryin, suddenly I couldn't stop. Not even when they hit and kicked me and told me to shut up or they'd kill me. It didn't matter. I couldn't stop. I started yellin and screamin and sensei started hittin me with the bat again and again to shut me up. I guess he did."
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