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Learning to Land	By : Suteishichic Category: Prince of Tennis/Tennis no Ohjisama > General Views: 11419 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Prince of Tennis (Tennis no Ohjisama), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Learning to Land. Chapter Eighty Four ~Oshitari~

Warnings: Yaoi, Love, Angst, Fluff, Non-con rape of a minor, and Lots of Sex. Some kink. You've been warned ;)

Disclaimer: Nope not mine. Still in my dreams. ;)

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This truly upset Gakuto and his lower lip and chin trembled for a moment as he held back more tears. He took another quick, deep breath, let it out, and went on, "I...I asked the kid over and over to help me or to please, please, please just tell my mom I loved her. I said to him, "My name is Gakuto and you know me. We're friends. We used to be friends. Even if you hate me, please help me." I begged him to just be sure to tell my mom I love her, and that's when he started gettin sick. He was all bloody from me and all of a sudden he looked at me and just started makin these noises. Then he started throwin up all over me and that's when I started to cry. And when I started cryin, suddenly I couldn't stop. Not even when they hit and kicked me and told me to shut up or they'd kill me. It didn't matter. I couldn't stop. I started yellin and screamin and sensei started hittin me with the bat again and again to shut me up. I guess he did."

Gakuto went to shrug again, but Yuushi couldn't sit still any longer. He didn't even care that Gakuto might hate it because the tensai needed to hold him close. He pulled Gakuto into his arms and closer to him before this beautiful, beloved boy finished his dismissive shrug. Yuushi felt close to tears, but these he held back because Gakuto would mistake the tensai's breaking heart for pity. It wasn't pity that motivated Yuushi's movements though, it was pure love and a need to remind Gakuto, "No. No he didn't. You're still here. You're right here, Gakuto. You're right here with me..."

"I know that...Yuushi!" Gakuto spit the words out. He sounded muffled, annoyed, and exasperated, but his entire little body was trembling in Yuushi's arms. The tensai distantly noted as he tried to hold back his tears for the little boy Gakuto used to be, that his little redhead controlled himself enough to not call him stupid.

Gakuto was, even now, even through this horrible confession, trying for Yuushi's sake. He continued, sounding only a moment away from tears himself, "You probably read about that janitor guy finding me. I don't remember any of it. He came to see me once in the hospital, but I didn't remember him. He was an old man and he cried when he saw me. He said he thought I was a dead animal. Something that was dead and skinned and thrown in there as a prank and not a little boy still alive when he found me. I guess I crawled across the floor somehow after they left and was tryin to hide in this corner and when he went to turn the lights on, he saw all the blood and followed the path to where I was. I don't remember any of that or anything until I woke up in the hospital. If they hadn'ta left a light on when they were done with me, and if that janitor guy hadn'ta seen it and if he hadn'ta decided to check it out, I woulda died. Just one light, and one old guy who decided to stop and look and knew to call the police right away when he found me barely breathing. If he hadn't, if anything happened different, I'd be dead."

Gakuto might have verbally protested, but physically he moved to hold the tensai closer and firmly. Yuushi knew this had to be the first time Gakuto ever recounted what happened to him detail by detail to anyone. Gakuto not only stayed in his arms, but he gripped the tensai back tightly as if seeking to hold onto something solid and real. Only then did Yuushi realize that Gakuto needed to be held just as much, maybe even more than Yuushi needed to hold him. Gakuto's voice sounded tense and thick although he still somehow wasn't really crying yet. His tears had silently fallen, but he hadn't broken.

At least not yet. In a small, shaky voice Gakuto said, "Yeah, well...so...I just wanted you to know and stuff and...anyway...now you do and so...don't worry, I won't hold you to your oath. Or even all your other ones, okay? It's okay. I mean, I can...I can take care of myself. Maybe that would be better and all because then someday you can get married and stuff like that and have kids and your parents would probably like that a lot better. You know, because you're the only son and all that. That would be better than if you're with a guy, especially a guy like me, but it'll be good if we can..." The tiniest little crack or perhaps it was a sliver of a sob bubbled through Gakuto's words, "...you know, if maybe we can stay friends or maybe even be best friends for a little while, at least until you meet someone else because I don't think I wanna stick around and watch you date and do a million people agai..."

Yuushi kissed him. In one swift movement that caught even lightening-fast Gakuto off guard, the tensai pulled Gakuto's face to his and kissed him. He pulled back and Gakuto was an instant away from crying. Yuushi held him firmly and felt him shaking in his arms, "Gakuto, you're all I want. I don't want to be with anyone else but you. I swear it. I don't want out of any of my oaths and I never will..." Yuushi kissed him again. He wanted to kiss him hard, but he was afraid Gakuto would mistake it for misplaced aggression so he tried to keep his kiss and his touch light and soft and comforting. He needed to reassure him. He wanted Gakuto to understand that Yuushi belonged to him. They were each other's and to Yuushi there was nothing that had happened or would happen to ever change that. The tensai only hoped that Gakuto someday might feel the same.

Another little noise, this time a tiny whimper came out of Gakuto's mouth. "It's okay, Yuushi. You don't have to be nice to me and all anymore. It's fine. I understand." Gakuto pulled back what he must have felt was a safe distance away from the tensai's mouth. "It's okay. You didn't know that I remembered, and that..." Gakuto visibly swallowed hard and his voice cracked, "and that I'm a horrible person for not telling..."

"Gakuto, I assure you, you are not a bad person for not coming forward. Many victims refuse. You were frightened, and after what you went through that is completely understandable and normal. You had your family and your own safety to think about. You're not a bad person. You're not the one who did this. They did this, not you. You were the victim and as the victim, you had to do what was best for you and the people you love..."

"But, no...Yuushi, I..." It came out in a hoarse whine that re-broke the tensai's heart, "What the police said is true. People who do bad things like what they did to me are more likely to do other bad things. They don't stop until they get caught and maybe if I said something...and I didn't really do it to protect my family...I mean yeah...I thought about it but that's not the main reason why I never told anyone. I never told anyone because..." His gorgeous face twisted into a mask of pain, and another little sob bubbled out of his chest, "I never told because I'm a fucking coward and I was afraid! I was too scared to say anything. I still am! I'm still afraid! I still think that someday they're gonna come back and hurt me again and it will be my own damn fault because I'm such a coward and I never reported them. So it's my own damn fault that the bastards who hurt me are all still out there! Well, except for the one that's dead..."

Yuushi already had his response formulated and begun when what Gakuto said and shifted to hit him, "You are not a coward, Gakuto. You were frightened, which after what you went through is completely understandable...one is dead? How do you know one is dead?"

Gakuto blinked for once at Yuushi's sudden change. The tensai realized Gakuto was gearing up to further argue, but the little redhead was used to quick topic shifts and flips. He was able to respond immediately where Yuushi would have had to race to catch up, "Because I...I know them. I know who the bastards who hurt me are. I keep track of them. And when I got a hold of all that computer information and new ways to search, I started keeping track of them even harder. Well almost all of them. I still don't remember for sure who the kid that tricked me into going there was so I watch Kikumaru--that idiot--just in case...and I can't find that bastard sensei. He disappeared or something. I've searched a million times but no matter what I do or how I try, I can never find him."

Yuushi's thoughts flew to process this newest information, "How did the one die?"

Gakuto shrugged, "Like Ohtori's friend. Suicide. It was the one I asked to help me. The youngest. The guy who didn't wanna and sensei threatened to rape him if he didn't. He went last hurting me, I think. Well, okay, supposedly it was an accident when he died--that's what it said in the papers and all, but I think he killed himself because of how it happened. Plus I heard he left a suicide note."

Yuushi raised one eyebrow in silent question. With Gakuto there were rumors based on conjecture and hearsay and then there were facts that he somehow mysteriously obtained.

"No, I did! I wouldn't make something like that up! I heard it first-hand from my sister who usedta go to school with his sister. My sister heard it directly from his sister. The kid zapped himself in the bathtub with a hairdryer and he had really short, buzz-cut shaved kinda hair, so you know it was no accident. He wasn't dryin his hair. He left a note but his sister never got to read it so she didn't know what it said. His mom and dad wouldn't let her see it. I wouldn'ta told you if I wasn't sure."

Yuushi suddenly had an important question with an idea, "Gakuto, you've watched them all this time to make sure nothing else happened? And did anything else happen? Did any of them hurt anyone else?"

Gakuto shook his head no and looked confused as he thought about it, "No. Not that I know of. Not like what they did to me. I mean, nothing major's happened, but a lotta them have gotten into trouble. One guy was arrested a few months ago for trying to steal a leather jacket out of a store. He got caught big time and my sister said his step-father grounded him for life. A couple of times a few of the others have gotten in trouble at school for fightin and two got busted for cheatin. One was almost thrown out of school for punching a teacher. That even got into the news, but his parents are going through a divorce so everyone just chalked it up to that and they make him see a shrink a few times a week. Only one of them is doin good in school. Kikumaru--that idiot--but his family moved away so he doesn't see any of the others and was never really friends with them since they're all older."

"Kikumaru, the idiot, is our age and goes to stupid Seigaku. The others are all still friends and hang around each other but they're kinda losers. I mean none of them are taking any classes or exams to get into university. The two that got thrown out of school for cheatin have jobs now, but they get fired a lot from wherever they work. Mostly fast food stuff, and this one other guy mighta gotten this girl pregnant, although that's just a rumor so far. But as far as I know, they never did anythin to anyone like what they did to me. Sometimes, it seems like they don't even remember what they did. Like they forgot all about it." Gakuto looked down, "It's really not fair because it doesn't even bother them. Like they're the ones who lost their memory..."

Yuushi thought out loud, "If you take into account the suicide and their other behaviors, they might not be able to forget it though. You really can't know what goes on in someone else's mind. I am not at all justifying what they did, before or now, but if the one is our age, how old were the others when this happened? Our age? Older than you?"

"The one who killed himself woulda been a senior in junior high this year. He was the youngest, except for maybe that kid who lead me in there, Kikumaru--that idiot. The others all woulda been first years in high school." Gakuto looked surprised at the tensai as a thought hit him for the first time, "Yuushi, they weren't even old enough to come! Why would they do that to me? Why me?"

Yuushi's suspicions were fairly confirmed, "I don't know why they chose you, but rape, as I'm sure you've heard, is not a sexual crime. It's about power and hurting someone, not sex. I have no idea why anyone would want to hurt you. And of course I wasn't there so I cannot be certain, but I believe the sensei goaded them into acting. It was probably his plan all along, and he chose followers who were already prone to violence in a group setting."

The tensai chose his words carefully because this was important,"Gakuto, I hate to say this, but we should find out what happened to the sensei. Especially in light of these recent attacks and Kiyoshi, just to be certain you're safe. If you can't find out where he is, then perhaps it's time to bring in professional assistance. Atobe, in return for our helping him, could ask the private investigator we are meeting with to look into..."

Gakuto took a deep breath and opened his mouth to screech a protest but for once, Yuushi cut him off, "I don't think we have a choice. For the team, it's the right thing to do, but more importantly, Gakuto, I want you safe. I need you safe. And if any of this relates to you or not, we need to know now. If you have a bad feeling, then we should use any avenues possible to investigate until you feel secure."

Yuushi recalled that Gakuto liked to bargain and had a system of always paying for any favors right away so he didn't owe anything to anyone. The tensai needed to persuade him, "In doing this research, all this, we are doing Atobe a favor so we can call it even. We will owe him nothing and who knows? It may turn out to be nothing. Maybe the sensei is dead and died a horrible, deserved death, but if not or if any of it relates in any way to what happened to you, then we need to know. We can think of a story, something...anything but what happened to tell Atobe, but we should do this. And we don't need to get much information. All we need to know is where the son of a bitch might be and his criminal record. Nothing more. After you know where he is and what he is up to, you can take over and watch him. Just consider it, for the team's sake, and for my sake, and for your own, all right?"

Gakuto seemed to consider it, but then started to shake his head no.

Yuushi added, "Gakuto, I am not a fan of confessions."

Gakuto cocked his head to the side as if lost, "Huh? What do you mean?"

Yuushi tried to think of the words because this was important for Gakuto to understand. And he felt he had to make Gakuto agree using any means available. Even if Yuushi had to confess a little--as little as he was prepared to at this point, "My tutor was, as you probably surmised, quite insane and getting worse before I told my parents to escape him. As the situation grew more dire and I tried to get away from him, he threatened to kill me. That had little effect. Now I understand that at the time, because of the circumstances, I was depressed, but back then death sounded better to me than how my life was." Yuushi immediately wanted to reassure him, but he had been curious about this for a long time, "I don't feel like that now, but twice in my life, I've seriously considered it. Have you ever thought about it, with all you went through?"

"No!" Gakuto sounded horrified. "Never. Really. I would never. My mom would kill me! My mom used to ask me about that all the time and all the doctors she took me to talk to did too, but I've worked too damn hard to ever do something stupid like that! You really thought about it? Like doing it for real?" Gakuto looked at him wide-eyed.

The tensai nodded and tried to dismiss this subject to get them back on topic, "Yes, but research shows that it's normal for someone to think about it. Many people consider it. Especially someone in my situation. My tutor threatened to kill me, as I said, and when that didn't work as a threat, he then threatened to kill my family if I ever tried to leave him or ever told. It took a long time, but I finally felt as if I'd had enough and couldn't take it anymore when he threatened them. I didn't tell my parents however. I told my sister. She's older and I figured she would be able to advise me as to what I should do. My sister responded--poorly. She was quite surprised and was quite upset. She insisted that I immediately go to my parents. She told me everything would be fine--all better if I just told them. So I did, and things did not get better--they became worse. I was sent away, and for a long time, nothing felt right again."

Yuushi felt that centered ache in his chest whenever he regretfully thought about what a mistake and a nightmare confessing had been for him. If only, but now for the first time, someone else knew. A certain little redhead who moved to comfort him. Gakuto held him close and kissed him softly.

When the kiss broke, Yuushi smiled and said, "Only now do things feel good. I'm happy now. I want you to understand Gakuto that even if we don't work out, or if you leave me, or if you never do fall in love with me, or if you decide to get married and have children someday, I'm happy for the first time in as long as I can remember. I can, as they say, count my blessings. I have friends who care about me and I care for them. I enjoy school and the tennis club, and while I would have to admit things are not how I ever imagined them to be in any sort of perfect way..."

Gakuto smiled slightly in an adorable imitation of Shishido's one-sided smirk. Yuushi was talking too much. Starting every sentence with I like Atobe did. Gakuto mimicked Shishido to gently tell Yuushi to stop and knew the tensai would immediately get the joke and appreciate it.

Yuushi held Gakuto closer, and smiled back, "Anyway, I'm very happy And I know what I want. You're not a coward, Gakuto. Quite the contrary. To face what you did and recover from it, to be completely honest, I admire your strength. I am in awe of your life force. Your will to live and your ability to laugh and make others laugh are just some of the many things that make you an amazing person. I am not bothered in the least at your not telling, and I am amazed at your forethought and insight to watch the people who hurt you all this time. If you ever do decide to confess to anyone, the police or anyone else, I will stand by your side one hundred percent and be there for you however you need me to be. And I don't want to leave you or be with anyone else. For the first time ever, I don't care what my parents think. If they don't approve of us or of you or of me, then too bad. I want to be with you. I want you to be my only. I want you to hold me to my oaths. Gakuto, I love you. I only want you to ask Atobe to have his people find the sensei for your safety, and for our future. I trust your instincts Gakuto, and if you feel something is wrong, then we should pursue it."

Gakuto buried his head under Yuushi's chin. He lay in the tensai's arms not moving for a long time. He was so still and quiet for such a long that Yuushi worried something else was wrong or perhaps, that he had done something wrong. Perhaps he had not expressed himself well enough or maybe he said too much. Maybe Gakuto had even fallen asleep. A wave of exhaustion after the horrendously long day and night washed through the tensai making him aware of sore muscles and aches he was normally able to forget. Gakuto had to be tired too. It had been a long and emotional day.

The little redhead finally spoke, "When was the other time? When you thought about doing it?"

"Hmm...?" Yuushi had not expected the question and realized then how tired he truly was because he let more slip past his lips than he ever intended. "It was just something I thought of. It doesn't really matter and you didn't finish telling me about your first time..." He remembered from earlier, "You said I saved you? What happened? Tell me the rest. What don't I know?"

Gakuto took a deep breath, wiggled up to face him, and looked beyond Yuushi, behind him as if seeing back into the past. He seemed calmer although his voice still sounded gruff, "You need to know all of it to understand, and by the way, I'm gonna still make you answer my question about when else you thought about doin it, but first I'm gonna finish tellin you this. Where was I? I think I told you I stayed the night at the junior's place after we did it my first time. He said it was to make sure I didn't have a concussion or anything and he held me all night. I liked it and I didn't. The first part was nice, you know where he was kissin me and said he loved me and all that crap, but then he fell asleep and was all heavy on me." Gakuto looked at him, "I don't feel that way when we sleep, okay? I sleep good with you and I would tell you if I didn't."

Yuushi nodded. He had been immediately concerned and was touched by Gakuto making him feel better. It was the little things that really mattered because these little things from Gakuto added up to a monumental effort on the part of his favorite little redhead. "Thank you."

"Welcome. Anyway, he was all heavy on topa me. And hot. I tried to push him offa me and almost left, but even in his sleep he was sayin that he loved me...and I was scared to go home alone so I stayed. I musta fell asleep because he woke me up early with a blowjob which no one had ever done before. Not when I had been sleepin. It was really hot, even though he wasn't really good at it. When I came, he choked and gagged but he swallowed it. I remember thinkin it was really gross and I didn't really wanna do it back to him. I never did that to a guy before, but I was gonna go do it because I kinda felt like I had to. It was weird thinkin of doin something like that to another guy, I don't feel like that now, or with you, but I did back then. I was thinkin how disgustin it all was because you know where it had been...in me...down there...and that he peed outta it..."

Gakuto gave him a wary look as if again expecting Yuushi to for some reason challenge him about this. Then when he saw Yuushi only listening and not judging, he went on, "But I was also thinkin that he was kinda my boyfriend now so I should even though if I thought about it, it was really nasty. I was tryin to tell myself to not puke or think about it or anythin like that. I was thinkin I should just get it over with, but he stopped me before I even put my mouth on it. He said he wanted me to save it for later and he wanted me to be on top the next time we were together. He walked me home early. He said it was so no one would see us. The sun wasn't up yet. He told me he loved me and to trust him no matter what because everything was gonna be all right. I was like a damn girl or somethin. I was so happy I felt like I was drunk or somethin. Taki was still asleep when I got home. I showered and dressed and even had time to go to breakfast."

It must have been considerably early because Taki was usually one of the first down to breakfast. At least when Yuushi had lived with him. Gakuto religiously skipped breakfast, preferring to sleep a few minutes later and then later an hour after practice started, like clockwork, he would complain to the tensai that he was hungry. It was a bad habit Yuushi was trying to wean Gakuto out of by preparing good tasting, nutritious things for him that were fast enough that the little redhead didn't have to rise earlier to consume. Especially the juice mixtures which the tensai loaded up with vitamins and supplements Gakuto's strong but lithe body needed to grow.

"So I went to practice and I was kinda tryin to tell Taki what happened without anyone else hearin. Some other people were talkin about Jomen and Fudaki gettin beat up by someone, so I was tryin to listen to that too at the same time, and then you showed up." Gakuto looked at him, "I'm sorry Yuushi. That day, I had so much goin on that I wasn't even thinkin about your feelings at all."

Gakuto kissed him. At first it was just a sweet hard press of the little redhead's lips and naked body to the tensai's and then it softened into a loving promise of even more. It felt as if he was trying to sweetly kiss and caress away Yuushi's pain, or trying to heal the tensai with his hands, his lips, and his tongue.

He was demonstrably showing Yuushi more affection than he ever had. He held the knotted string in his hand, but he was also, astonishingly, holding Yuushi's hand. Gakuto had taken it in his own while he was talking and laced their fingers together one way and then another as if trying to find the best fit for them.

The tensai had been feeling jealous during the story when Gakuto first told it. Yuushi found he couldn't help but wish to be Gakuto's first. He also felt very concerned for what happened, and how Gakuto confessing all this would affect their budding relationship. As Gakuto kissed him though, Yuushi forgot his jealousy and worries completely. Yuushi was not hurt by what Gakuto had done the day they met. He had long since gotten over it and knowing how Gakuto had helped him, even more than Gakuto did, Yuushi appreciated it, almost as much as this loving kiss stole the tensai's breath away.

Yuushi would have been content for Gakuto to kiss him all night, especially with this sweetness and affection he was showing, but the tensai could not allow the little redhead's feelings of guilt and worry to continue. Yuushi broke the kiss, "I love you. I probably tell you I love you too much, and I'm sorry if I do. If it's too annoying please tell me and I'll try to tell you less, though I can't promise you that. Gakuto, I want you to know you have nothing to feel sorry for. It's in the past. I am long over it. You helped me. All that matters to me is now and the future. Our future. Right now, I'm happier than I can ever remember being, and as for the future, I hope that this continues in the same manner..." He could see by Gakuto's eyes he was losing his attention so he finished, "Please continue with what you were telling me and thank you." Gakuto looked confused as to what he was being thanked for. "For comforting me...and for...caring about me. Thank you. I want you to know I appreciate it."

To his surprise, Gakuto rolled his eyes. "Don't be stupid, Yuushi. That's not somethin you're supposed to thank someone for. Especially someone who already told you he likes you!"

The little redhead fidgeted and shifted position as if uncomfortable. His shifting moved slightly away from Yuushi who worried that Gakuto was more angry than he initially appeared. Suddenly he rolled closer to Yuushi and faced him, "And if you said somethin too much and it annoyed me I'd tell you. You'd know. You know you'd know. Don't go lookin for problems, Yuushi. It's not like I'm not gonna tell you if somethin you do annoys me, but you worryin that I might be annoyed all the time, is gonna annoy the hell outta me." He exhaled in his most aggravated sigh, "And me sayin you're bein stupid about somethin when you are isn't the same as me callin you stupid, right?"

Yuushi smiled because he loved him more and more all the time. Gakuto with his home-spun, simple logic was right. The tensai had been looking for problems instead of focusing on the here and now. They had more then enough to sort through as it was. "Yes, I agree. Thank you." Yuushi went to apologize but had a sudden insight that constantly saying sorry was likely to further annoy Gakuto so instead he suggested gently, "Please continue...? You were at the part where I just showed up being stupid and looking like an idiot."

Yuushi noted to himself how thick Gakuto's accent would often become if it was just him the little redhead was speaking to. Around others, unless he was in the middle of an argument or a story where he forgot, Gakuto subconsciously perfectly imitated the Hyoutei accent whenever he spoke. A few months ago Yuushi had noticed that what Gakuto did was basically mimic the speech patterns and dialect of whoever was most in power. That had been and probably would continue to be Atobe Keigo, although Gakuto luckily never sounded quite as smug or as self-satisfied as their Vice-Captain.Yuushi had often idly wondered if Gakuto would ever find his own way of speaking. Perhaps it would end up being an original way that melded between his childhood accent and his current Hyoutei one. Perhaps he might even pick up parts of Yuushi's accent if they grew closer. It made for an interesting linguistics and sociological cross-study.

Gakuto looked at him warily as if checking to see if the tensai was in any way making fun of him. He wasn't so after a moment Gakuto continued, "I kinda watched you during practice that day you arrived. Everyone did because you were supposed to be so good and when you got there you seemed so...well...you know...anyway, when you played tennis you were good. Damn good. People said it was kinda like you were a different person when you played. More like who Atobe thought you were gonna be." Gakuto smiled but it was a strange, almost shy smile that the tensai had never seen Gakuto make before. "You looked really good. I like how you look when you play. You look really good when you play."

The tensai had heard that from other people many times, but never from Gakuto. Yuushi was so surprised that he could barely respond. He just kept his face carefully neutral and only nodded in acknowledgment. Yuushi was half convinced Gakuto could hear how hard his heart was suddenly beating in response to the sudden, stunning complements. "Thank you."

Gakuto shrugged dismissively and gave Yuushi's hand a squeeze before letting it go. He went back to knotting the chain of knots and he started shaking his leg again, "Taki even said you mighta looked weird because you just got to school right before practice started and maybe you were tired or somethin. Maybe you had a crap day travelin but were really okay. I knew if Taki was even kinda defendin you to everyone that you weren't gonna be so bad. Even Atobe was gonna warm up to you if you kept playin so good. He mighta not liked you, but you played great so Atobe woulda accepted you even if you were really strange or different from everyone else. Hell, he puts up with Jiroh and Kabaji and even Shishido because they play good and you're better than they are. You could beat all of them easy. Atobe does whatever it takes to get ahead as long as he's in control, so I figured in the end you were gonna be okay, but I noticed that no one really sat by you or talked to you at all and I felt kinda bad. Everyone was still too worried about their own butts so no one was gonna help anyone else out, especially not a new guy."

"But you did..." Yuushi understood and was touched.

Gakuto smiled, "Well, I felt good, remember? I felt protected after what happened and I was gonna go meet him right after practice. I figured I could walk around alone, but I was kinda worried that the seniors were gonna target you. I thought maybe they might take you down before you ever got a chance or knew what the hell was going on. It woulda really hurt Atobe's little plan, I remember thinkin, and if they hurt you bad enough it might even scare some people off. Even if I wanted the spot Atobe said you had locked. Singles two. And yeah, I wanted it really bad, but still I felt like I hadta do somethin or it wouldn'ta been fair. If I got it, I wanted to win it fair, not because I didn't do nothin when I coulda. I was also kinda rememberin when I was new at Hyoutei. It was a really long time ago, but I still remember how nervous I was bein the new kid and not knowin anyone and all, so I kinda thought you mighta been feelin like that."

The little redhead shrugged. "So I waited for everyone else to clear out and waited around even longer for you to walk back to the dorms. I even kinda thought you might not know where to go or woulda been lost. I wondered if you knew you when and where dinner was because no one talked to you. No one asked you to join them and I waited for the last people to leave. You seemed to be waitin too, like hopin someone would be nice to you or somethin, but no one said anythin to you. I was gonna ask if I could help you if you were lost, but all of a sudden, you walked off like you knew where you were goin. But you were all alone. I didn't ask you how your first practice was or make any small talk because I remember I was thinkin to myself that you really didn't look so good."

Yuushi was intrigued and wary. He had forgotten how observant Gakuto was, "How did I look?"

"Remember that one time when I thought I was gonna fail my math test and you came by out of the blue and helped me? You just showed up at my door right when I was really stressed and you stayed with me goin over it all for hours and hours. You stayed all night until I got it all down and knew I would pass." Gakuto grinned, "Remember? I shocked the hell outta our teacher too when I aced the test. Even he thought I was gonna fail. He even wanted to re-test me because he thought I cheated, but you stood up for me and said you'd gone over everythin with me the night before. I asked you how you knew I was havin trouble, and you said I looked like I was carryin the weight of the world on my shoulders and that was how you knew. Remember?"

It was one of his fondest memories up until recently, that night with Gakuto. The redhead had been in literally a panic over failing. Failing at Hyoutei meant you had to sit out of club activities until your grades were brought up. Yuushi canceled his date for that evening and stayed to help him. It took all night to get Gakuto to the point to where he was comfortable with the material.

That night the tensai had really seen how Gakuto's quick and flexible mind was eager to soak up knowledge as long as it was fed to him in an interactive way. He was highly intelligent, but he did not do well when he was lectured at and told to read on his own. Ironically enough, some of the very techniques the tensai's tutor had used to teach him this material years ago, he was able to use with Gakuto. He watched as the knowledge bloomed in Gakuto's fertile mind and though he had not slept the entire evening,Yuushi felt so happy for the entire next day that he felt no weariness. Gakuto beaming proudly as he pointed out his exam score for the tensai to see later that week was an even further reward. It was the one time Yuushi had ever stood up to a teacher when Gakuto was falsely accused of cheating. He had earned the high mark and Yuushi was glad to be there to help. The tensai was not aware that he had feelings for Gakuto then, but looking back and seeing how obvious it was, he and Gakuto must have been the only people to not be aware of his feelings. Yuushi smiled, "I remember."

"Well you looked really down like that. Carryin weight of the world. I couldn't figure it out because you'd beat the hell outta everyone you played all day, but you looked like you'd done nothing but lose." Gakuto cocked his head to the side and studied the tensai's face. Yuushi kept his expression very carefully neutral and was relieved when finally after a long moment, Gakuto continued, "Anyway, when we were talkin you suddenly seemed okay and like you remembered you had things to do."

Yuushi carefully chose his words. Gakuto could always tell when he was lying or avoiding something, so he needed to be cautious, "You helped me more than you know. I realized I needed to re-prioritize and unpack because I lived here now. But tell me, how did I save you?" Gakuto saved him in more ways than the little redhead knew and much more than Yuushi was prepared to tell him, but the tensai was still confused as to how he helped or saved Gakuto.

Gakuto sighed, "You saved me because it took so long waitin for you and talkin to you. Helpin you ended up savin me. See, I wasn't gonna go to dinner. I was goin to see the junior that night and it was supposed to be my turn as seme. I was gonna hang back anyway so no one noticed me or asked me where I was goin because the junior told me to not tell anyone about him and me no matter what. But I hung back even longer than I meant to so I could talk to you and ended up bein even later than I shoulda. I wasn't gonna call the junior to say I was late or anythin, because I'm not a girl or nothin. I mean, he's not my mom and I don't have to report to him. He and I said we'd meet up when I was done with practice and practice went late and I had stuff to do. So, even though I was really late to meet him, I still ran after you to make sure you were okay. You seemed fine and like I said it seemed like you had stuff to do. I told you I'd see you at dinner, even though I wasn't goin, and then I ran off."

"I was really late. You saved me because I was late. If I had left any earlier who knows what woulda happened? I started to run to get there sooner, but then I thought I didn't wanna smell like sweat when I saw him so I slowed down and walked. Everyone in his dorm was on some team or sport and were all down or goin down to dinner. No one really noticed me, a lowly little freshman, walkin around. I was around the corner from his room when all of a sudden, someone grabbed me and pulled me into a room. I thought it was either gonna be him or I was in trouble so I reached for my phone to call for help. They knocked it outta my hand and shut the door quickly behind us. I turned and was gonna fight whoever it was, but the guy told me to shut up and listen."

"Who was it?" Yuushi asked completely confused. He clearly remembered sitting down at dinner next to Gakuto.

Gakuto said seriously, "Naka Takashi."

"But that's the night he...?" Yuushi was shocked.

Gravely Gakuto interjected, "Jumped out the window and killed himself. Yeah, I know."

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Learning to Land