Bete Noir

Genbu watched his student with eagle eyes as Rikugo went through ancient
charts, updated them, put them into alphabetical and chronological order.
He frowned as the younger shikigami spent night upon night in the observatory,
staring at the sky, sleeping little and eating even less.

And he grew even more worried when Rikugo began to sort the old basement
archive, a job usually reserved for younger students and aspiring ones.
It was Genbu's favorite task to send a promising young shikigami into his
basement and have him or her battle the wealth of information on the ancient
scrolls. There was no obvious filing system, no immediately visible order,
and aside from Rikugo, only Genbu knew where everything was.

For Rikugo to now start putting it into a true order... something very
bad had occurred.

Genbu knew what his student had done, that he had been inside Byakko's
mind, in the nightmare that the devil had created. He knew Tsuzuki had
accompanied him there in the end when Rikugo himself had been unable to
help the tiger. Tsuzuki had seen a small fraction of the twisted reality
Byakko had lived in, but Rikugo... he had seen a lot more, and whatever
it was, it was hurting him just as much as the wind god.

The latest episode of panic and fear had been in Rikugo's presence,
Genbu mused as his eyes strayed to the sole figure on the roof of the palace.
It was night and Rikugo was watching the stars again, this time not in
the observatory.

It had rattled not only Byakko. It had almost shattered Rikugo.

"I wish you would talk to me, my friend," Genbu murmured and walked
back into his palace.

He couldn't push Rikugo into talking, only hope that he would come around
and open up -- before it, whatever it was, broke him.

° ° °

Everybody understood his need to go away, but Byakko felt weak doing
so. It was like running away from a problem and it was the truth. He was
running away from Rikugo, from memories triggered by the astrologer's presence
or aura, and he was running from confronting those fears.

Nights had been filled with nightmares. He had barely slept after the
incident in the library, afraid of what he saw, what he felt, what the
devil had done to him. He couldn't trust himself not to run away or worse,
attack anyone he now saw as a threat. Touda's protective presence hadn't
been enough. Nothing had been.

Byakko needed to be away.

So he had come here.

It was a place he knew, a place he had only good memories of, and something
that didn't appear in his memories or dreams. The devil hadn't touched
this sacred place, this memory.

The canyon was deep, but not too deep to keep out the sun. It still
reached down to where the river meandered, continuing its eternal task
of forging its path deeper into the rock. Grass grew in abandon, trees
loomed high overhead, and there were all kinds of flowers, bushes and whatnot.
Insects buzzed around, there was the sound of birds, and the quiet noise
of the water in the background made for a relaxing scene.

Byakko was far from relaxed at the moment as he sat in his fighting
form at the shore of the river, gazing into the water. Dull red eyes watched
the reflecting surface.

Why me? he thought desperately. Why me?! Why wasn't I strong enough?

 

Strong enough to fight those hands on him.

Strong enough to defeat a devil.

Strong enough to say no.

Strong enough... just strong enough...

 

He hunched a little, the long tail wrapped tightly around his tiger
form.

 

A shinigami beating him. The Protector of the West now bound to a
master.

A small child trapped by a much larger body, hands everywhere.

A sinister voice whispering to him.

Kitten...

You're mine...

You want it. You're mine.

 

Byakko whimpered.

He should have been stronger, should have been able to defeat...

 

 The devil...

The shinigami...

Rikugo...

 

Everything ran together, melting into one big chaos that was dragging
him down. Even here, in this remote place where nothing could trigger him,
the nightmares persevered.

I have to get a handle on this. I can't go on like a frightened cub!
I'm the Protector of the West!

But pep talk just didn't do it. He was scared, so very, very scared.

A faint aura touched his senses and rounded ears pricked. Byakko turned
his head as the aura approached, growing stronger, identifying itself even
from that distance.

It was like déjà vu. It was like being back then, years
ago, when a young shinigami had walked into this place, challenging him.

He had lost.

He had gained a master -- and his best friend. He had gained Tsuzuki
Asato.

Byakko felt a strong yearning, a pull, to be where Tsuzuki was, to be
safe. He had always felt safe with him. Tsuzuki was so powerful and still
so gentle, sometimes incredible child-like, simple, but very complicated
in turn. Tsuzuki was a riddle, an enigma, and someone he never wanted to
lose.

"Byakko," the young man murmured and approached the so much larger tiger.

He mewled a little, fighting down the voice that whispered to him about
this being his master, about punishment, about disobedience, and he let
Tsuzuki wrap his arms around the furry neck. He was enveloped in an aura
that was fiercely protective, that promised him that he would always be
completely safe with him, and Byakko felt a deep, rumbling purr insides
his chest.

"Tsuzuki, I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"Don't be. I understand nightmares." There was a dark smile on those
smooth features. "Maybe more than anyone. I understand that reality and
dreams are easily confused."

"I can feel it happening to me..."

He had yet to talk about the depths of his horror, and he wasn't sure
he could ever reveal it to anyone, even his master.

"And it's real, in your mind," Tsuzuki added softly.

He nodded.

Tsuzuki stroked over the sun-warmed fur, his fingers carding through
the long mane.

"It will get better. You just need time."

"I can't go back."

Because just being around Rikugo meant nightmares, meant reacting like
a frightened child.

Byakko hated his own reaction to a man who had been his teacher once,
had been - well, a father figure. He had never told Rikugo that he loved
him like a father, but his feelings didn't make it any better. On the contrary.
By simply closing his eyes he saw Rikugo, the teacher, mild-mannered and
patient around those who were weaker and looked for guidance or simply
asked for an advice, but fierce when it came to battle, might it be combat
or a battle of wills like with Sohryu. And he saw something else, someone
else, someone he feared and hated, someone who had taken advantage of a
helpless child, and who in the end had faced said child's wrath.

"I know it's not real," he whispered.

It wasn't. A part of him had felt Rikugo's shock and horror, had realized
the astrologer was as rattled to the core as he was. The tiger knew he
had to face his friend, his teacher, sooner or later, but right now he'd
rather it would be later.

He shuddered, feeling Tsuzuki's reassuring hands, his soothing strokes
over his fur.

"I can't go back just yet," he repeated.

"Then we'll stay here for a while."

So simple. Byakko sighed softly, disturbing the dark hair that tickled
his nose.

"Thank you."

"You're my friend," Tsuzuki only said.

And that was all that was needed.

Byakko closed his eyes and curled himself around the slender body of
his master, feeling the powerful aura embrace him and soothing his frazzled
nerves like the gentle touch on his fur, stroking away the tension with
each rub, guiding him into a light slumber.

Things weren't perfect, but maybe... one day... they would be.

tbc...