Redemption

Redemption
[Underaged sex0ring warning. I don\'t own Record of Lodoss War, etc.]

I\'m thinking, thinking, feeling, feeling without realization or remorse. Its slowly spinning out of control, my thoughts, my hopes and my dreams. I pinned my life to one night of passion, one night where maybe, just maybe, I could belong. I could be me, and not have to face a relentless morning of wondering. A life of wondering, not knowing what I\'ve gotten myself into before it happened.

That one night with her, with that witch that plucks at my heartstings every time I see, made me think again. Made me think of that night, an everlasting starry night that changed the way I look at him forever. I don\'t know if I lost or gained a bit of respect for him that day. It was his way of making me endure, I know that, but I almost cracked.

I don\'t know if he knows that. How close I was to breaking, how close I was to crying out with my pain and losing all respect he ever had for me. Cardice help me, it was the one time in my life that I didn\'t know who I was or what I was doing. It was with good reason, however, because it turned me into who I am today.

I was 14, it was summer in Marmo. There isn\'t much snow here anyway, but summer is a time in Marmo of great wonders. Its the time of the festivals, where you know you really are alive and part of that country. Summer is the time I feel proud to be from Marmo, and proud to be part of its people.

Marmo has a slightly barbaric practice that Lodoss spurns, and hates us all the more for ite are army has its unofficial \'Virgin Night\' (or the Breaking) in the middle of summer. Its where the new recruits are broken, and if you survive it, then you are considered a man in the army. You need to technically be 16 to be in the army, however, I suppose I was a strapping young man who slipped by only months before. Or it could simply be the fact that I already had the mindset of a veteran soldier, and the sword skills to match.

As odd and cruel as it may sound, I do support the Breaking. It produces good soldiers, if they endure those few hours. However, some of the ways just...I don\'t know, I just don\'t like the fact of seeing barely 16 year old boys being tied to the archery poles, painted and made to look like a certain type of archery bullseye.

Anyway, like I said, I was young. I had the potential to be an excellent soldier. However, you had to participate in the Breaking your first summer in the army. However, I wasn\'t confined to the lower ranks pleasures.

With the only feeling of fear I ever had up to that point in the military, I was escorted to the feasting table in the hall of none other than Emperor Beld himself. The fear of Cardice in my heart must have shown through to some degree to the long-serving soldiers and advisors of Beld. They all chose the pretty boys, lean yet muscular with the not yet mature faces relenting in their arms, some near naked already by that time.

I suppose I looked like a match to them at the time, tall as they, slly mly more muscular than some, with the long midnight hair and the fine features to match. At that moment, the realization that those were the aristo sons came to me. Hell, some of the Coloniel\'s sons were right there at the table in other veteran\'s arms!

I was shoved roughly onto Beld\'s lap, my dark eyes hardening like steel in a futile attempt for bravery. I knew deep down I couldn\'t feign it, I knew that I simply needed to endure what was to come. However, when you are 14 and unworldly, there is that degree of anxiety for what is to come.

\"Who is the young chit here, Beld?\" Shordel, that bastard, roared with laughter. To this day, I don\'t know why Emperor Beld stands him.

\"Ah, Shordel, this little bastard here would be Ashram. Only 14, but shows the spirit of a warrior!\"

\"We\'ll see if he can stay together tonight, Emperor. Never once has a boy you\'ve taken on this night not broken!\" More idle chat pervaded the room. My head was pulled back from the roots of my hair, an unexpected pain. I found my eyes boring into Beld\'s, lust marking his. I tried to determine just how much ale he\'d had that night, but my young mind was slightly too innocent to get the right figure at the time.

I stared back at him, unwilling to step down. I had to survive this night. My pride was at stake, my entire life, and I hoped I had the balls to stay together. Speaking of the devil, a roughened hand seized my crotch, and I knew that the night was only beginning.

The clock struck midnight, and the hall began to disperse. My time was coming. Still in a painful death grip at my hip, I glanced up at him, wondering where I would be heading to next.

My question was quickly answered, as the hall was left to he and I. I was slammed face down onto the heavy oaken table, hands held behind my back. I inhaled the smell of ale as he leaned down to my face. I heard the hoarse whisper, \"If you can make it through this night without crying like a little whore, I guarantee you will be my General someday, boy. I\'ve told this to every one I\'ve ever had this night, and not one has been able to fulfill this. That is very sobering, because I consider myself gentle these nights.\" The last few words were spoken as my pants were ripped off brutally, and the clink of his belt dropped to the floor was heard.

I knew it was coming. I took a breath so deep, it was as if I were preparing myself to dive hundreds of feet under the water. Only, I was going to be diving into the ocean of my own pain. Maybe even drowning in it.

His thrust went deep, piercing me at my core. I bit into the only thing within reach of me, my own arm. The blood seeped through the gash on my arm, and I could feel it tricking down my buttocks from his first violent jab. My breathing became heavy, my fingernails scraped against the hard wood of the table.

\"Do you like that, pretty little whore? Do you want more of it?\"

My teeth grinded together, and I managed to spit out \'Yes\'. I knew if I tried to fight it, it would only be worse, but damn, it felt as if he reached the core of me and was tearing me apart. Which he was, but in a much more painful way.

He began to move inside me again, his thick shaft covered in my virgin blood. I tried to find what little pleasure I could from it, but could only grasp the rough friction my cock had on the table every time my hips smacked against it. In my head, the world seemed to be filled with sounds of glass shattering, which I found was my lord\'s ale mug smashed on the wooden floor.

His lips were pressed against my ear, uttering the derogatory phrases that truly made me feel like I was a pleasure boy serving drinks at a tavern. The words \'whore\', \'wench\', \'slut\', \'bitch\' rang in my ears, but I ignored it best I could, just trying to shut out the pain by rubbing myself against the table as best I could.

Finally, I felt is fingers dig into my shoulders so deeply that blood spilled again. I threw my head back, as his hands drew my shoulders back with their ferocity. I felt him come, the shuddering release of pure seed into my blood stained body.

My entire torso collapsed against the table. My cock was half erect, my rear exudpainpain. The sweat on my face was cold, fear-sweat, but thick, like blood. \"You are on your way there, little boy, but you still have a far way to go. I\'m surprised you barely made a damn sound in that.\"

I tweaked my head around to look at him. He looked triumphant in a way, which puzzled me, becuase I thought he wanted to break me. I pulled myself up, wincing. I could barely stand straight. My legs, toned as they were, trembled with the strain of standing up. Strangely, in front of this man that I was so honored to even have seen in my life, I felt no qualms about standing naked in front of him.

He told me to make it to the door, leave my clothing behind. He had fixed his pants by then. Knowing he meant me to be naked this night, I slowly made my way to the door. Opening the bulky wood up, I spotted his commuting wagon, which I was silently relieved to see, as I think I would have died if I had to have rode a fucking horse.

I settled in there with him, and he told me to lie on my stomach across his lap. I could barely fit lying down inside, and finally realized just how tall I was. He traced the line of my buttocks and the drying blood, to my hips and up my back. I didn\'t know what he was doing, this show of gentleness, until he yanked my hair again and roughly kissed me. His tongue probed my mouth, with no gentleness at all, but that aroused me somewhere deep inside. I was pressed against his thigh, hardening again.

He grinned, that scar I was always so fond of rippling. \"I see that even in your youth, you might be comparable to a man in size, but we shall see how you use that flesh.\"

We arrived at his rooms at the castle. I was told to lay on the plush couch, which I did (which, ironically, would be the same damned couch I just took the witch on a few scant days ago. Damn me, hmmm?). A healer quickly came over and applied a salve to my aching ass, which, unfortunately, didn\'t do much but make sure I didn\'t get any longterm scarring or something.

Shortly after, I was dragged to my feet and made to go to the chains. Ah, yes, the chains, now I know you so well. After having my arms hoisted in the air, my feet barely touching the ground, I became aquainted with my master\'s love of the whip. He smiled wickedly again, hoisting up that long piece of leather, and gave me one hard smack again the buttocks, which would have made me jump if I could. My teeth clenched.

Then the sweet torture began. He alternated the crisp snaps on my back and stomach with strokes to my manhood. The changing pain and pleasure frustrated yet excited me. My h cle clenched whenever he cracked the whip against my back, the hot burns receding for mere moments when his cool hand touched my cock. I hoped he was satisfied with my size and length.

It took all the strength left in my body to keep from screaming when he brought out the candle. Cardice cursed me that night, the hot wax trickling down my spine and down my thighilehile it also had a little river down my chest, over my nipples which burned with heat and desire, and pooling in my belly button. Oh, it was getting so close to my pride, physical and mental.

He bent down to look at my length, seizing it with a rough grab. I tensed, which caused him to grip me harder. I had tried not to make a sound, but I felt like begging in that moment. Felt like begging for release. The pain was shooting up and down my spine, red lash marks spread ss mss my body.

Then he asked the one thing of me I was sure I could not do. In my everlasting arousal, ready to do anything for release, the serving girl, a young one about 15, appeared. She looked frightened, long, blonde curls cascading down her trembling shoulder. She wore little more than rags, and I could see bare legs under her skirts.

He wanted me to take this girl, this virgin tonight. He wanted me to take this girl against her will. He didn\'t take me against my will, if I didn\'t want to, I could walk away from that military right then and there and go on with my life or try it again when I turned 16, as being 14 I was not totally obligated, I could leave and then come back to the army.

But this girl didn\'t have that choice. I didn\'t want to take *her*. She looked young and innocent, which she was. I looked at her, and back at Beld. Morals, at times, had no place in the military. I knew this, but I still made the choice that I willer rer regret. I knew that by making this choice, it was a sure chance I was never going to be part of the military again. But I had to do this, for me.

I refused. I told him I couldn\'t take her. Not against her will like this. I\'d rather suffer.

He looked at the girl, sent her away. He then turned to me, a solemn look in his eyes. I knew that I had made the right choice for me personally, but...

\"Ashram. I\'ve tried 6 boys before you like this. Two cried after the taking. Two succumbed to the whip. Two chose to take the girl.\" He kept his eyes fixed on me, still in chains. \"You are the only one who never cried during the taking, never cried during the whipping, and the only one who never chose to take the girl.\"

\"That is why you are the only one who could ever truly be General of this army and be my heir to Marmo.\"

I gulped in an awkward breath of air, not really comprehending what he had just said. I stared at him, quickly shaking my head and looking away when realizing my disrespect. He took hold of my chin and made me look at him again, right in the eyes, and I knew we both were telling the truth.

I dropped to my knees after being released from the chains, and kneeled before him. My hair wamp amp and falling into my eyes, my back felt like it was tearing apart at the skin, and my head was pounding furiously. I looked a mess, covered in my own blood.

But it was then I found out what the Breaking was for. What it really meant. It was the passing of honor from year to year. Finding the honorable ones who would serve Cardice and Marmo. It was finding your inner self, bringing out your inner strength.

That was why Marmo has the best soldiers in the realm.

That\'s why this tear is tricking down my cheek right now. I don\'t know if I\'ll ever sire a son, but if I do, I pray to Cardice he can learn this lesson as well.

I pray to Cardice that walking on fire with the witch and the dark elf doesn\'t end in disaster.

I go now, to seek out the witch. I have a promise to fulfill to her. I don\'t break my promises, especially to those...I love.

My heart is heavy and my soul is pained.

But it is all worth it for the redemption of Marmo.

~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~

I don\'t know what to think of this story, I really don\'t. I don\'t have anything else to say. I guess, I just hope that you can see this story beyond Beld fucking Ashram.

-kuja no miko