Too bad you\'re beautiful

Title: Too bad you\'re beautiful

Author: Deguchi Mo Naku (fake_plastik_doll@hotmail.com)

Pairing(s): ShuichiXYuki, RyuichiXShuichi....maybe some others, I\'ll keep you posted

Warnings: Yaoi Lemon, drug use, suicide attempts, ect. Everything I warned you about in the summery.

Rating: NC-17

Summary: Shuichi is in love with Yuki and has given him his whole life. Over a matter of time he has become sick of being nothing to Yuki, and demands love. What happens when he doesn\'t get the response that he wants?

Disclaimers: I DO, I DO!!!! They\'re stuffed in my closet. Yup. And I sleep with Shuichi. ....*sigh* Unfortunately, I don\'t own, nor will I ever own Gravitation. *sniff* Oh, I don\'t own From Autumn To Ashes, either. I got the name for the story from one of their albums. Soooo...^_^\'\'...It doesn\'t belong to me...pooie.

Notes: This is only the first chapter, it may seem a bit dodgey, and I\'m sorry. Things will start being a lot more clear later on. This is my first fic, so please R&R...I\'d like to know what you think ^_^...unless it\'s bad. Uhh...flames are welcome though, I will laugh at them and then camp outside your house with a flame thrower!...Get it...FLAME...thrower...*cough* Hmmm...there is a lemon in this chapter, too. Umm...thanks to my friend, Ty, for the help on yaoi details!!! ^o^ Ok....happy reading!!!...I hope I don\'t scar your eyes...T_T Oh, by the way, thoughts are put in /blah blah/ and writing or whatever else will be in \' blah blah \'...and then, ofcourse \"blah blah\" is dialog. OK...now...^o^
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Thanks to Anya for correcting my Japanese errors!! ^_^\'
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Yuki walked over to the tub, shedding his clothes quickly. Shuichi tried to swallow the lump in his throat and protest, but when he parted his lips to speak, no sound could be made. Yuki settled in the tub behind Shuichi, kissing his shoulders softly, causing him to tremble .

\"I love you, Yuki,\" Shuichi whispered, knowing he wasn\'t going to get a response.

Yuki wrapped his arms around him, pulling him back into his chest, and he wiped his tears away with the back of his hand. He pulled a wash cloth out of the water, squeezed the excess out, and gently wiped Shuichi\'s face with a sigh.

\"Shuichi...\" He lifted Shuichi\'s arm and ran his thumb over the small bruise that resided there.

\"You\'ve been shooting up, haven\'t you?\" He said it as more of a statement than a question.

Shuichi nodded slowly, the tears starting to run down his face again, and he quickly wiped them away, not wanting to cry in front of him. All of this was his fault...and he\'d never admit to Yuki that he was breaking him. That he WAS broken.

Yuki placed chaste kisses against the back of his neck, causing him to tremble again. Yuki smirked, and then licked his earlobe, sucking on it softly.

\"It\'s almost Christmas...Yuki,\" Shuichi half moaned.

\"What do you want to do, Shuichi?\"

\"Really Yuki? We can do something?\" Shuichi smiled, looking back into his lovers golden eyes. He knew that Yuki would change his mind.

He nodded and smirked.

\"We will do whatever you want.\"

\"Hontou ni? We can get a tree...and put presents under it? My family always used to...\"

Yuki smirked again and kissed Shuichi\'s lips softly. Shuichi complied by parting his lips, and Yuki\'s tongue pushed between them. Shu turned around, never breaking the kiss, and placed both knees beside his lover’s hips, gasping softly when he felt Yuki\'s erection press against him. Yuki took this opportunity to deepen the kiss, pushing his tongue further into the pink haired boy’s mouth. Shuichi moaned softly as Yuki cupped his small ass in his hands, pulling him closer, and sighed as he felt Shuichi\'s erection rub against his stomach.

\"Make love to me, Yuki,\" Shuichi said in a small voice that sent shivers down Yuki\'s spine. He lifted his hand to Shuichi\'s mouth, running his index and middle finger against his lips. Shuichi licked them softly and then welcomed them into his mouth, sucking gently, sliding his tongue around and between them. He pulled his fingers from Shuichi\'s mouth and gently pressed a saliva coated digit into his tight ring of muscle. Shuichi tried his best to relax and rested against Yuki\'s chest as he moved his finger in and out slowly, before pushing the other in to join it. He moved his fingers in a slow scissor like motion, trying to stretch his boyfriend’s small entrance so that his much larger member could fit comfortably. Shuichi whimpered slightly.

\"Hai...Yuki...onegai...hayaku!!\" Shu moaned softly.

\"Shhh...damatte. Baka...\" Yuki removed his fingers and reached for a small bottle that was sitting on the shower hanger. He twisted the cap off slowly, making Shuichi whine impatiently.

\"Mou...\" Shuichi sighed; his whole body ached to feel Yuki inside him.

\"Nani?\" Yuki smirked, coating his erection with a generous amount of the slick liquid.

\"Hayaku...\" Shuichi whispered, pressing small wet kisses to his neck.

Yuki recapped the bottle, dropping it in the water, and pressed the head of his dick into him slowly. Shuichi gasped and leaned against his chest, pushing down on him until their hips touched. The pain numbed his legs and lower back, but he didn\'t protest. He knew it would have been useless to at this point, anyway.

Yuki paced his hands on Shuichi\'s hips and squeezed tightly, helping him move up and down on him. Shuichi groaned, holding tightly onto his lovers shoulders. The first few minutes were odd and uncomfortable. Shuichi tried to relax and move with Yuki\'s thrusts, but he found himself frozen, as if clinging on for life. Yuki squeezed his hips harder, fusterated, and pushed him down quickly as he thrust inside him. Shuichi groaned with pain but Yuki only smirked. Shuichi sighed and started pushing back against him with every thrust, pushing him deeper inside, and repeatedly hitting against his prostate, causing him to whimper and writhe with a mix of pain and pleasure. Yuki leaned back against the tub and held onto Shu\'s waist, moving him faster.

\"Aa...Yuuuki...onegai...mmmm...\"

Shuichi\'s breaths came shallow and fast as they moved against each other faster. Water spilt out onto the floor, but neither could care less. Shuichi rested his head on Yuki\'s shoulder, and tears slid down his cheeks slowly. This was the only way he could ever get emotion from him, and still, Yuki didn\'t care the least. He sighed, moving his body harder against Yuki\'s.

Yuki bit his lower lip and thrust harder and faster into his small lover. It didn\'t take long for Yuki to release inside Shu\'s tight confines. The sharp thrust and stream of hot cum that hit Shuichi\'s prostate was enough to throw him into his orgasm, and he relaxed against Yuki\'s chest with a small moan.

They panted softly, holding each other tightly.

\"I love you, Yuki...\" Shuichi whispered sleepily.

\"Brat.\"

\"You never say you love me, Yuki...\"

\"Baka...\"

\"Say it, Yuki...onegai?\"

\"No,\" Yuki sighed, pushing Shuichi back off of him and stepping out of the tub, wrapping up in a towel, and heading for his bedroom. He shut the door with a slam, causing Shuichi to jump. He sighed, and stared down into the water, watching the ripples caused by his tears.

\"I hate you,\" he said softly, tracing invisible lines in the water.

\"I hate you, so much.\"

He brought his knees up to his stomach and held them against his chest tightly, as if upon letting go he would fall apart. Resting his head on his knees he sobbed softly, his small body trembling. Streams of tears fell onto his knees, running down his legs into the water.

\"God...I just want to die...\" He sobbed harder, holding onto his head, fingers laced with his hair.

+++

He woke up shivering. Not fully aware as to where he was, he sat up too quickly, and then groaned, placing a hand to his temple. He was still in the bath, but the water had turned cold. He looked up at the wall; the clock read 1:00 am. He sighed.

\"Chikuso...\"

He reached for his diary that he had brought in, he had ped ted to write before Yuki interrupted.

/Might as well do it now.../

He opened it up and shook it slightly, and a razor fell into the water. He sighed and layed the razor on the side of the tub. Taking the bright pink pen that had been laying beside the diary, he turned to the nearest blank page and started writing.

\"He always does this. It’s as if he thinks torturing me is going to set him free from the pain he feels; as if he can change who he is inside by changing me; as if insulting me is going to heal the internal scars of his words, his actions; somehow freeing himself. I hate this. I want to take back all the things he has taken from me, and meld my pain with his...then I would be happy.
It\'s not that I hate HIM...I love him. He is my life. Everything I do; every breath that I take…it\'s all for him. I would throw my life away in an instant to make his better. I\'d put myself through pain if only for his pleasure. I\'d die for him to be alive. Anything. He is my everything, and my nothing. He drives me tthinthingness, driving me to become someone I\'m not, to forget who I am. I don\'t even know who I am anymore. I have changed. I\'m just like you now, Eiri. I AM you. Your life was tainted; you thought that mine should be, too, didn\'t you? I\'m not stupid. I no longer belong to myself, and I will have you pay for taking away so much.. You WILL pay...\"

He put the diary down with a sigh, taking the razor which layed on the side of the tub.

He looked at his wrists, the thin scars that lined them. He shivered and ran the razor down his wrist horizontally; again, and again, until the blood dripped off his wrist, turning the water a light pink. He then took the razor in his other hand and shakily traced down the old scars on his other wrist.

\"Kami..sama...\" He sighed. Dropping the razor and holding his wrists under the water, which was laced with ribbons of crimson, the water turning a darker pink.

He sat there, sobbing softly. His blood tainting the once clear water. His sobs wouldn\'t stop. He hated this. Everything about his life... It wasn\'t fair. It wasn\'t fair that he was trapped inside of something he could never escape, that his innocence was tainted, that his passion for life was taken away. It just wasn\'t fair...

His sobs finally subsided, he pulled the drain plug and he stood up, stepping out of the tub, and wrapping up in an oversized towel. He stood, looking into the mirror. He shook his head and looked down.

/I hate you.../

He looked back into the mirror, and traced his fingers against the glass, as if he could reach through and touch the pink haired boy on the other side. He shook his head again and walked into the living room.

/He\'s there. He\'s always there. Sitting in front of his computer, working on his novel. He doesn\'t even know I\'m here. I\'m sure he doesn\'t care. He doesn\'t want me here. He NEEDS me here. As pathetic as it seems, I need him as much, if not more./ He sighed softly, walking into their bedroom and dropping the towel, crawling into bed.

\"Yuki, you coming to bed? It\'s late,\" He called softly.

\"Damare, brat. I\'m busy.\"

So that was it. Shuichi just nodded and wrapped himself up tightly in the blankets, holding onto his knees.
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Please R&R, I\'d highly appreciate it. If I get good reviews, who knows, I might even add another chapter. ^_^ If there are any typo\'s please inform me...I tend to over look a lot of things...^_^\'\'