Not so usual

I lie on my bed and look up at the ceiling. I watched all day as the shadows changed shape and position. I reflect what I feel and know that I shouldn’el tel this way. It’s wrong. I can hear all the horrible rumors and curses that would be flung at us if this were to get out in the open. I closed my eyes and let the tears slide down the sides of my face and into my hair. I rolled over to my side and felt my soft pillow under my head. I don’t want to feel this because I know that if I do, nothing good will come of it.


I can’t even say the words out loud, let alone tell him. I can’t get them past my lips. They always get stuck in my throat. I fear what they mean. I fear what people would think or how they would act around me. Or if anyone would even like me anymore, I feel the tears slip over the bridge of my nose and hit the pillow below my head. People’s opinions shouldn’t ever matter to me. I have learned to go with my heart and disown the public’s thoughts. Little did I know though, it would actually have to happen.


I close my eyes against the world, and yet, it comes in and I can see the anger on the faces of everyone around me. I can see them pointing fingers at me yelling, shrieking, and screaming about what a disgrace I was. The names they call us, the horrible things they say. I clasp my hands tightly over my ears trying to drown out the sounds, especially from when my parents came into my head. Their curse was the loudest of them all. Why couldn’t they just all go away?


“You’re not my son. Who are you? I don’t know who you are anymore! Don’t show your face around here for as long as your kind roams this earth!”


I cried heavier into the pillow as my body jerked with the force of my sobs. I pulled my legs up to my chest, trying to become as small as I could. I wanted it to go away. All of it. I had a right to be just as happy as everyone else in this world, regardless of whom I chose to love and give me entire devotion to. It was nobody’s business but ours! No one’s in the least!

I bit down hard on my lip in order to stop myself from making any noise. I try to keep my cries in, but I only succeed in biting my lip, so hard that it had begun to bleed.
I cry until I feel my body begin to get tired, and even after that, it still doesn’t stop. I can’t the the tears as they now burn my face as they fall from my stinging eyes. It hurts to open them and it hurts to keep them closed. Everything seems to hurt so badly to the point where I don’t even want to breathe. I don’t want to take in another strangled breath of air.


I open my eyes enough to see a picture of the both of us sitting on my nightstand. It makes me smile just slightly before the jarring screams come back to me. I never take my eyes from the picture. I look at how happy we both are. His arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders as if we were nothing more than friends. I look at the happiness in his eyes and the yelling becomes so quiet now. The world seemed to stop and time waslonglonger available. I remembered how we were that day we took the picture and what we had done beforehand. It brought me to a serene state of mind as I remembered the look in his eyes whenever he looked at me, calming me on the spot. He always had a talent for doing that to me.


“I do love you, you know.” He had said to me, voice sweet and soft, flowing like that afternoon breeze we once witnessed together. “I will always love you.”
A calm settles in my heart as I listen to his words over and over again.


“Even if the whole world hates you, I promise I will always love you.”
My eyes begin to water as I listen to the truth in his voice. I believed him. Out of all the millions of people in the world, I knew he would be the one to never let me down. He stayed true to his word, and always would up until the day he died.

As wonderful as all this was feeling to me, my heart began to play tricks on me, making me feel his second thoughts as if they were said straight from his mouth. He said he would always love, me but how deep did that love he has for me go? Maybe his definition of love meant friendship border. I had my doubts that he would feel the deep passion for me that I felt for him. I feel so alone again. Feeling as if the voices had won, I gave into defeat and buried my face deep into the tear soaked pillow.


“Even if the whole world hates you, I promise I will always love you.” I hear him whisper again.
I reach out, clinging to the picture frame tightly. It was the one truly precocious gift he had given me. The one last true thing I had to hold on to. I wouldn’t let anyone take it from me. It was what was holding me together now. Knowing he would love me, even though the world might not, meant everything to me.


“He will love me, even if the world doesn’t,” I whisper to the room, looking at nothing in particular.

I walked to the bathroom and ran some cool water. Dipping a washcloth into to it, I rung it out and patted my eyes with the cool cloth. It stopped the burning the tears had left behind and I felt myself almost foolishly smiling under the cloth. I dropped the cloth in the water and then walk out and into my kitchen to find whatever in there I could that was drinkable. Feeling satisfied with just a single glass of water, I finished it and set the glass into the sink. Suddenly, I felt as if some running or jogging would make me feel better. I jogged over to the door and slipped hurriedly into my shoes. I open the door swiftly to leave and there stood my whole dilemma on my doorstep his hand fisted and raised as if he was about to knock. His sunglasses where sitting on top of his head as they usually were. I think he wore them more to look good then for eye protection.


“Hi Yuuji,” I said, putting on a smile for him.

He blinks twice as though he wasn’t expecting me to be to open the door before he could get in a single knock. “Hey,” he answers, bouncing back and allowing me to open the door.

When I had done so, we stand there for a couple of moments before he throws himself at me, hugging me tightly around my neck, cutting off my oxygen supply. I pat his back, greeting him. He backs up and holds me at arm length.


“You know, you should try hugging people without choking them,” I comment off handily.

He tapped his index finger againis bis bottom lip as though he was thinking, which I knew for a fact that he wasn’t. Anyone would know Yuuji wasn’t much of a thinker. One could tell just by looking at him. He was quite dense most of the time, preferring to let things go in out ear and out the other.


“You like looking like your thinking, don’t you?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
He laughed and I watched the glee paint across his face. Then he made a loud squealing sound at me.


“Hey! I have the ability to think!” He paused, scratching the back of his head. “…Sometimes.”


I wasn’t amused. I shook my head and lowered my gaze to the floor.
Yuuji ignored my attitude and his cheery grin remained. “Where you going somewhere, my little brother?” he asked, bending down so he could meet me eye to eye with my floor gaze.

I had no idea I was still holding the doorknob, until my reflexes tightened around it tensely. “I was just…heading out. Not really sure where I was going,” I said, which wasn’t a total lie.

He shrugged his shoulders and pulled me out of the door. “Let’s take a walk then.”


I turn back to close and lock the door. Yuuji waits for me quietly. I turn around and he wraps his arm around my shoulders again as we walk down the street. It felt so good to be with my brother again. I haven’t seen him in a long while and it was a wonderful change of pace, even though he could be a total moron half the time, we still loved each other.


I looked to Yuuji at the corner of my eye for only a second, for I fear that he will notice my lingering stare. I had wondered if his love did have a higher meaning to it. I doubted it. He couldn’t have. I was overreacting earlier for nothing. Yuuji did have trouble finding a steady relationship, if he had any at all, but he wouldn’t stoop so low as to dating his own brother! There was just no way. Yuuji didn’t want to feel humiliated. He wasn’t wrong for ting ing that way either. Anyone with a mind and brain would know it was wrong.


I had no idea how deep into thought I was getting, because Yuuji had to stop to get my attention. I looked into his dark eyes, which seemed to smile at me, but at the same time, want to scold me for not paying attention.

“I’m sorry…what was that?” I asked.
He merely chuckledake ake up little brother, smell the direction change.”
At first I had no idea what he was saying, but then he gave me the option again.


“Left or right?” he asked.



“Doesn’t matter to me,” I answer and shake myself free from his arm, feeling as if I shouldn’t have the privilege to be embraced by my own brother.


Yuuji looked slightly hurt by that motion, but swiftly covered it with happiness again. “Left it is then.”

He answered and we set out walking a ways. I wasn’t too sure where Yuuji was leading us, so I just walked beside him, following his lead. I paused my forward thoughts and looked over at him. He was smiling happily and waving to a group of teenage girls that past us as we walked down the street together. They giggled and waved back shyly to him, obviously taking an interest in him.


I looked downwards and then felt the tears well in my eyes. I saw the same faces that were smiling at my brothest nst now, turning against us, along with the rest of the world if I had let Yuuji know of my feelings toward him. Yuuji would have to face rejection and betrayal for the rest of his life if I ever told him. Even if no one managed to know, he would, and that’s guilty enough for anyone. He would never be the same person again if he knew his younger brother felt passion for him.

I shook my head and no sooner did I feel his arm slip around my shoulders again as he spoke to me. I looked up at him. The wind was rustling his dark hair as we walked. I liked the way his hair would brush across the top of his cheek and then settle right in front of his ear. I looked at his earring swaying slightly as we stepped on.



“Is there something on your mind?” he asked.


I shrug and turn my head just in time to witness an old man sitting on a park bench giving us cold glares. I turn my head away and hid my face. I closed my eyes, followed by a wag of the head. That was what we would see everyday. No questions. Yuuji didn’t seem to care though, for he never tois ais arm from around me.

“Ignore him,” he said, hugging me tighter.

I look over at him and his eyes are still forward. He glances at me, following a smile. “No matter what you do or how you act, someone is always going to look at you like that. No matter whom you’re with,” he looked forward again. “Best thing is to ignore them. You can’t always please everyone.”

“But how can you always ignore them?” I asked and throw my handoundound nervously.


Yuuji took his arm from around my shoulder and grabbed my hands from thrashing about. I looked at him for a moment as I calm down and he continues to talk.


“You except there are people out there that are going to do that and then when you see them, feel pity for them, because you are a wonderful person to know, and if they would just look past the things shown on the outside and see the human there inside, that would shut them up,” he tells me in a quiet voice. “Besides,” he continues with a smile, “if I got hurt at every look that was thrown at me, I would have killed myself by now.”

He drops my hand and wraps it back around my shoulders, squeezing me tightly for a momeeforefore letting go. I look at him with a slight frown, wondering where he had come up with information like that.

“See, I DO have the capabilities to think,” he joked with a laugh.
I felt a smile creep onto my face and I had to stop myself from leaning closer to him. After hearing that speech, I had to ask him. I had to get this off my chest. I paused several times before I could finally get the words to form right on my tongue.


“What if you really love ason,son, but you know that if you tell them, you’ll only get hurt?” I ask.




“You just take it a day at a time,” he answers almost immediately.
I sigh and look up to see were we are. I see a restaurant ahead of us and then hear my stomach growl at me, remembering I hadn’t had anything decent to eat in the past few days, for this whole mind game ordeal with Yuuji prevented me from doing anything else but locking myself in my room, crying my eyes out all day. I was interrupted from these thoughts when I heard Yuuji laughing.


“You hungry?” he asked, stating the obvious.


I laughed. “Just a little.”

I step out of his arm and run ahead of him, seeing if he’ll catch on and chase me down. I’m not disappointed when I look back and he’s right on my heels. He was laughing right a long with me as we ran down the street to the restaurant. I yelped when two arms wrapped tightly around my waist stopping me. I panted and turned around in his arms looking at him. He was smiling and panting as well.


“What was that chase for?” he asked laughing letting go of me as we walked in. “You know I’ll just catch up to you.”

“I felt like it,” I answered anugheughed.


He chuckled and put his hand on my lower back, guiding me to where the host would set us. His hand stayed there as she came, making my face grow hot. I was afraid she would see this and take it the wrong way. I mentally begged Yuuji to take his arm back, but he would think no such thing.


“Two please.”


“Smoking or non?” the nicely dressed woman asked Yuuji.


“Non please,” Yuuji said, smiling politely.
VeryVery well, follow me.” She smiled back at him and then led us away.
His hand was still on my lower back as we followed her to our table. She pointed to it and I noticed it was in the corner and well hidden from plain sight. Yuuji thanked her and we sat down. Our waitress came over and smiled. I ordered just some water Yuuji ordered some soda.


We looked over the menu and I decided what I wanted and set it to the side. I looked around and then sat staring at my brother as he looked through what they had. I looked at how his eyes flicked over the pages. I watched as he licked his lips slightly and turn the page. His eyes stayed longer on that page and I leaned back in my chair stretching my legs setting them between his.

“Just to let you know, my legs are on your chair,” I said casually and let my head relax on the back of the chair. “They’re a little sore from walking.”


“I know,” he said. I could hear the smile in his voice. “I felt your left one brush across my pant leg.”


“Sorry,” I said, and go to sit up.


His legs clamp around mine holding them there. “No, you can leave them there. It’s of no bother to me.”

My cheeks burned. I tried to fight it back. I begged mentally for Yuuji to look away so that he wouldn’t see my face like this. “O-Okay then,” I san a n a low voice and relaxed back into my earlier position, shutting my eyes for a moment, the fluorescent lights bothering my eyes.



I heard him close his menu and I peeked a look at him with one eye. He smiles at me, taking his drink and placing the rim up to his lips. “Sorry that I choose non-smoking. I forgot you smoked.”


I shrugged and linked my hands, letting them rest on my stomach. “It’s okay,” I answer. “I figured you must prefer this to smoking. Besides, I only smoke when I’m stressed out or angry at something.”


He rested his chin on the heel of his palm and smiled at me. “Like today?”


I nodded after a brief pause. “Like today,” I parroted.

Our waitress comes and Yuuji orders what he wants and then I order my hamburger. I’m a sucker for those things. She smiles and leaves. I turn back to Yuuji, who was fingering his water glass, looking as if he were in another world, far away from me.


“You okay?” I ask with a raised eyebrow, a little worried.


“Yeah.” He smiles at me.


I rested my head back again and looked at the ceiling, resting my eyes, thinking about how wonderful it was to be with Yuuji like this. We hardly ever got to do anything together any. He. He was always working some sorts of odd jobs, while Bad Luck is always limiting my time. I couldn’t even remember the last time I saw Yuuji. It had to have been weeks ago, then all of a sudden he comes up to my front door, just as I’m going heartbroken over him. Coincidence?


“Why were you crying earlier?” Yuuji asked me suddenly.


My head snaps up. He was still looking at his water glass as if it were some sort of crystal ball about to tell him what my answer would be.

“Your eyes were red when you answered the door and it wasn’t from staying up all night long or lack of sleep.”


I looked at him for a moment or two and then said quietly: “I’m trying to figure something out and it’s stressful.”


“If you tell me the problem, I could try and help,” he answers.


You are part of the problem, Yuuji, I think, but actually jump out and say it.


“It’s okay. It’s something that I have to do on my own. I think I’ve figured that out by now, or at least I should have.”


oddeodded his head and then set his drink aside as out waitress came with our food. I sat up and started to eat quietly the moment the waitress left. Yuuji was more or less pushing the stuff around on his plate before taking a bite and chewing it.


“Are you alright, Yuuji?” I ask again and reach out putting my hand over his, noticing he was tense.


He stares at my hand for a couple of moments as though it was an alien figure touching him. He looks up at me, then smiles and nods his head.


“Yeah I’m fine,” he answers, then reached over with his free hand, placing it on top of mine.


I felt a tiny electric pulsation go through the warm and tender touch, but I leave my hand there anyway, even though my mind screamed at me to pull back. I didn’t want this moment to end. Yuuji’s contact meant too much to me.
Yuuji was the first to pull back. Feeling a twinge of depression, I lifted my hand from his.


“So how are things going between your friend and the writer?” he asks me randomly, trying to keep conversation going on between them. Yuuji hated to eat in silence, especially if there was someone he could talk to, preventing that fate.

“Shuichi’s doing okay,” I answer and look at him. “He’s been working hard, trying to come up with new song lyrics, that sort of thing. Suguru had been no help at all lately. He’s entering mid-teen puberty, we can tell.”
Yuuji chuckled.


“But as far as Yuki Eiri is concerned…he can fry in the deepest pits of hell.”


Yuuji nearly cringed at the harshness of the words. “Don’t like him?”


What kind of question was that? Of course Hiro hated Eiri! One of the reasons
was Shuichi.


“How are things going with you?” Yuuji asked quickly, wanting to get off the Eiri subject before Hiro got angry again. “Are you and Ayaka-chan still together?” he asked, bringing his gaze to his water glass again.


I could hear the hurt in his voice though as he talked. It made me wonder why he sounded that way.


“No,” I answered. “Things are complicated with me right now, so I don’t go with her anymore.”


Yuuji looked up, confused. “What’s so complicated?” he asked me with a certain amount of curiosity.


I shook my head. “You truly love a person with all your heart and you think
they might like you back,” I start, “but then you sit down and actually think about what would happen if you’re with that person and tell them all that you feel for them. If they reject you, there would be so much backfire, and they just might end up leavinu beu because they can’t handle it.”
I look up at Yuuji.


Yuuji pauses for a moment. “You don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. You just have to jump in and try your best,” he said casually, smiling at me in a kind way that made me melt. “What if you tell this person how you feel and they feel exactly the way you feel? And then the ridicule starts, but instead of running away from it, they stay closer to you. They stay by your side and they don’t leave, because they love you that much and are willing to go through that if it means they get to sleep by your side at night.”

I looked at him with bewilderment. How could Yuuji possibly know all this? He’s never experienced a relationship once in his whole life.


“If they truly love you Hiro, then they will stay by you no matter what. No matter the fights and the tears. They’ll stay cause they want to see you smile and l aga again.”

I nearly started crying again. Yuuji was being so sincere and serious; it made me want to collapse into a big puddle of goo. But I had to toughen it out. Yuuji was leading into what was bothering me the most and if it meant talking this out with him and making him finally understand that it was him, my heart wanted, then I had to remain strong.

“I don’t know if anyone loves me like that,” I said, hoping with all of my heart that he’ll say what I need to hear most.



I feel his hand under my chin and he looks me right in the eyes. “Even if all the world turns their backs on you and you think you have no one, I will always be here no matter what. I’ve told you that hundreds of times before Hiroshi. I meant it.”



Tears well up in my eyes and I try to push them back but they won’t go. I feel soft fingers push them away for me. Yuuji’s hand comes back to cup my chin.


“Don’t think you’ll ever be alone again because you always know I’m here for you,” he repeated, smiling in that way again. I so desperately wanted to fling myself into his arms and cry into his chest until I cried all my tears out, only to know that someone would be there to catch them.

I wanted to cry knowing there was someone there who cared enough to brush them away. I looked into his calm dark eyes and wanted just to fall into his arms and hold him to me like a child holds their teddy bear at night, hoping that it will drive all their fears away. I wanted to look to him forever as a child would do to a nightlight when it’s dark around them and they can’t see anything else.



He stood up and helped me up from my seat. We went and paid for our lunch and walked out of the restaurant. We walked in silence toaparapartment, his arm around my waist and holding me close. I rested agt hit him, just wanting him to be close to me. We stopped at my door and I unlocked it, opening it up.

He stood behind me and followed me in closing the door quietly. I slipped my shoes off and he the same. He pushed me to sit on my bed and I did so, the tears still collecting in my eyes. I put my head on the heels of my hands and looked down, watching at the carpeting started to waver and distort. I saw two feet and felt that gentle hand under my chin, pulling my face up.


I looked up. Yuuji sat down in front of me and lifted a cool cloth to my face to wipe the tears away. I looked at him as he wiped my tears away. His eyes were soft and gentle as were the strokes he made with the washcloth ovy chy cheeks. I pushed his hand away throwing myself into his arms burying my face into his chest. My arms held tightly to him, around his chest.

He simply put his arms around me and held me there. I felt his one hand come up and push my hair out of my face and behind my ear. His hand continued this soft massage as I cried into his chest. I felt his fingers brushing through the rest of my hair, coming to lay on the back of my head while his other was wrapped tightly around my mid section. He rested his cheek on the top of my head, murmuring soft phrases to me as he rocked me back and forth. I sobbed openly into his shirt as he rocked me, letting my body melt into his.

“I’ve got you now, Hiro. Shh…it’s all right. I’ve got you.”


I whimpered into his chest, pushing my face closer, trying to climb inside his shirt with him. He simply held me closer.

“Don’t let me go,” I whimpered to him, my arms clamping tightly around him as I began to hiccup.


“Shh, Hiro. It’s okay now. I won’t let you go,” he whispered into my hair again, repeating the same calming phrases over and over again. “I won’t ever let you go.”


I coughed and hiccuped into his chest. His fingers threaded through my hair and his hand around my midsection came up to rub my arm as I held myself pressed to him. “Make my nightmares go away.”

He coned ted to rock me back and forth. “I’ll try, Hiro,” he whispered and held me tighter, kissing my head gently. “I won’t let anything hurt you.”

I wail into his chest, wanting him to make the whole world go away, leaving him and me alone. Letting us stay as we are now, wrapped in each other’s arms, yet, I know that it won’t happen. The world will crash into my utopia, taking him from me; tearing the only thing I love with my whole being from me not letting me see him ever again. Taking him away from me ane woe world won’t even let me grieve for the one I lost. It’ll just push me, not letting me slow, or even cry for all that it took from me.

“Shhh Hiro,” he whispers into my ear. “I have you now. Don’t fear. I’ll protect you.”


I let my head fall to the side so my ear was over his heartbeat. I just listened to the steady pounding under my ear and cried. I memorized the sound of his heart. I memorized how I felt so loved right now. I never wanted this feeling to go away. I knew soon though he would stand and leave me in my room, crying for him to come back. I ball my hands into his shirt and hold tightly.


“Promise me,” I whispered, followed by a hiccup.

“What?” he asked. “I’ll promise anything.”

“Promise you’ll ne’er leave no matter w..what I sa..say or d..do,” I whispered the broken sentence into his neck.


I feared the rejection he might give me and I closed my eyes tightly and held onto him as tightly as I could. I waited for an answer. “I swear Hiro on my very life that I will never leave you here alone. I will take you with me if I have to. I will take you away from all this if that’s what would make you feel better. I’ll do anything for you,” he whispered right into my ear.


I turned my head towards him and he kissed me softly on my lips. I was still
crying though and turned my head away and hiccuped. He simply guided my head back to his shoulder and continued to rock gently to chase out the sobs and hiccup. I started to feel tired as my sobs died down. My arms started to lose their hold on him. Fear struck me suddenly and I tightened my hold again.


“Hiro, lets move to the bed,” he whispers softly and brushes my hair away again.


I nodded and he helped me up, sitting me down, then pushed me to lie down on the bed. I held onto his sleeve, still fearing he would leave. He simply smiled and climbed over me, lying down behind me. He slid his one arm under my head and the other one around my ribcage under my arm. He curled his body up beside me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath hiccuping again. I felt him smile against my hair.

“Sleep. You’ll feel better.”
I nodded my head and then sighed. I closed my eyes and pushed myself deeper into his hold and held onto his hand as though it where a lifeline, knowing he couldn’t go anywhere without it. I sighed again and then turned. He looked at me for a couple of moments and then smiled and lifted his hand and brushed my hair from my face. The he laid his hand on my cheek his thumb rubbed over my cheekbone as he smiled at me.


“You’re so beautiful Hiroshi,” he said quietly. “I don’t know what I would do without you in my life.”

I leaned up and kissed him, suddenly not thinking of him as my brother, and not thinking of those words my mind were screaming earlier, or what other people were thinking. I thought of him as my lover, someone who I couldn’t live the rest of my life without. I wanted Yuuji wholly. I wanted everything about him.


Yuuji smiled at me and leaned down pressed his lips firmly to mine. I felt something that had hurt so badly in me today deflate and becomes something after all. His lips were warm and soft against mine. He pulled away smiling at me after a long while.


I yawned and when I was done, he kissed the corner of my mouth I turned my head to catch his lips before he pulled away. I kissed him putting my fingertips on his cheek as we kissed. I pulled away when I felt it was wet. That was the first time I noticed. He had been crying as well. I wiped away his tears and he kissed my fingertips. I laid my hand on his neck and looked at his face.


“It’s okay,” he whispered to me and smiled sweetly at me. “Don’t be afraid. I’m not afraid either.”


I nodded my head. I put my head under his chin. I felt him curl around my body.

“I don’t care if people ridicule us for me loving you. As long as I get to lay with you at night and see you in the morning, I’ll be happy.”


I gasped and pressed tightly to him. He only held me tighter and when I thought I was in utopia as I had predicted to world came in, the door slammed open and there stood Ayaka. I sat up quickly, my face white as it could get.


“How did you get in?” I asked her loudly with shock.


“What’s going on?” she asked, unable to fully comprehend what she just walked in on, staring blankly at the two males in the same bed together, getting a little too close for her comfort.

“None of your damn business, Ayaka,” I snap back.
She looked at both Yuuji and I individually. Yuuji was holding my arm, probably so I wouldn’t jump at her and maul her to death. He read my mind to the exact.


“Will you kindly leave?” Yuuji asks her somewhat nicely. “If there’s something you wanted, come back r for for it. We’re busy.”

“Wait until everyone hears about this!” she said, throwing her little feminine fit. “I can’t believe you Hiroshi! I thought you loved me! You practically pried me away from Eiri because you said you liked me! I can’t believe you could be so two-faced, and then suddenly I come here to talk this through with you, and I find yoeepieeping with your brother! What kind of disgust do you think you’re pulling here?!”



“Who will believe you if you tell someone?” My brother asked in a calm tone. “Who’s going to believe a jealous girl who got dumped by a famous guitarist? Better yet, who are you going to tell? Shuichi? Eiri? Maybe Tohma Seguchi, all the people that could ruin my little brother’s life.”

Ayaka paused, not saying a thing or moving an inch. Yuuji smiled an acid smile. Just as he stood up gracefully from the bed, she took a step back away from him. He stalked towards her. Ayaka stood her ground, wrinkling her nose up at Yuuji.


“Now leave and never come back,” he told her bluntly. “And leave Hiro alone. You dumped him, don’t expect him to be crawling back to you like a little insect. I know you live to see men crawl back to you after you dump them, but my Hiroshi isn’t that stupid. Unlike all the other men you’ve dated, Hiroshi has a very big heart, and if you were twice the person you are now, you’d see it too.”

Ayaka’s mouth dropped. Yuuji folded his arms. “Now I’ll ask you once more before I have to resort to force. Usami Ayaka-chan, remove yourself from these walls and never show yourself here again.”

Feeling rather puzzled, Ayaka left without a word or question. Yuuji locked the front door this time, and found his way back to Hiro, who was still lying in the same spot as he was before.


“People really should learn how to knock,.” was all Yuuji said as he walked back over to the bed.

“Thank you Yuuji. Thank you for not only helping me out with her, but…for saying those other things about me. I didn’t know you…felt that deep about my psyche.”

I felt a shiver of fear run up my spine and me came to sit down on the bed in front of me. He pulled my face up to his. “I’ve already told you Hiroshi, I love you with all my heart and I will say those things a million times over if I have to. To me, you are something. I’m not going to treat you like Ayaka does, tossing you around like a toy. You’re a human being, and I will prove it to you.”


My heart thumped in my chest as Yuuji looked at me with what Shuichi would call “bedroom eyes”. I knew now that I would not be afraid of what the world thought of me. All I needed was a brother’s touch. All I needed was a helping hand telling me I was worth a little more than a waste of space.

He leaned forward and kissed me. I kissed him back, climbing in his lap. He easily adjusted himself to accommodate me. I kissed him back with as much zeal as I could. He kissed me right back with just as much fiery passion. I opened my mouth just slightly and licked at his lips, which he opened with gracefulness. His hands on my lower back caressing it. Slowly he fought for dominance and I let him have it. My fingers rested on his neck I could feel his pulse thumping wildly under my fingers.

I felt his hand push my shirt up in the back so that his hands came to rest on my bare skin. I felt another shiver run up my spine that had nothing to do with fand and everything to do with desire. When air became an issue, he broke the kiss and kissed over my face first, kissing my closed eyes and then the bridge of my nose, followed by my cheeks temples, filling me with serenity and passion. I sighed and pressed into the soft touches raining over my face.


He turned his full attention then to my neck, kissing down the side of it, leaving just softblesbles every once in a while. I let my hands drift from his neck to rest on his chest, fingers clenching in his shirt from the pleasure. I felt his left hand run up my back gently, making soft sweeping motions.


His hands though getting limited by my t-shirt, I pulled back long enough to haul it over my head as quick as I could, throwing it to the side. I looked at him for a moment and bit my lower lip tenderly, feeling a bit self-conscious about my body. He leaned forward and kissed my temple.

“Don’t do that Hiro. How many time do I have to tell you you’re beautiful to me,” he whispered, sending my world into a beautifulivioivion.
I leaned my head down, kissing the small of his neck. I felt his breath ghost over my ear as he sighed. I put my hands at his waist, lifting his shirt slightly running my hands under it to feel the softness of his skin. It felt like porcelain to my hands to my tender hands, which were slightly abrasive from playing the guitar. I let my hands rest on the top of his jeans as he kissed down my shoulder and rubbed my back in a pawing motion, calming me completely so that I relaxed against him. I didn’t think twice on how this could be ruining our family and how our parents would react. None of that seemed to cross my mind. All I could think of was Yuuji giving me more pleasure than anyone else in this entire world.



I turned my head, trying to give back some of those soft touches he was giving me. I felt his hands in my hair, guiding my head to his for our lips to meet again. If his drug was kissing, I was quickly addicted. Yuuji had a talent of easily making me feel the excitement and joy, making me feel loved and sexy all at the same time. I wanted this to keep going and going forever. He broke the kiss just moments later and pushed a stray piece of hair out of my face. I had a feeling he had other plans for me.


He simply looked at me then. All he wanted was to look into my eyes for the longest time before giving a gorgeous smile and resume back to the kissing state. I ran my hands up, bunching up his shirtour our hot kiss continued. I wanted to feel him. I needed to feel him all around me. I thought I would die if I didn’t feel his skin against mine soon. He lifted his arms, breaking the kiss as I pulled his shirt over her head, throwing it to the side where mine had landed haphazardly on the floor moments ago.

I came closer to him, pressing myself tightly to him sighing as our skin touched one on one. I kissed him passionately, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, not wanting to let go. I felt his arms hold tightly around me as he then changed our position.

He laid me down gently on the bed, settling in between my legs. I felt his weight inhabit on me and sighed with contentment. I lifted one of my legs to wrap it around his waist, holding him there, afraid he would see the sin that we’re committing and would have a second thought in a heartbeat. I quickly knew my theory wouldn’t come into effect as he kissed my throat and rolled my hips up, causing us to rub against each other erotically. He gave a groan and I felt his hand slide of my denim covers thigh. Yuuji quickly caught on that my pants were in the way of our goals and sat up, reaching down and unbuttoning my pants.

I blushed as he looked up at me. I couldn’t help it. I was still shy no matter if he was my brother, or a non-relative. He bent and kissed my belly button, making me jump slightly and give a soft laugh. I felt him smiling against my stomach as his hands worked my jeans and boxers off. I lifted my legs helping him my my jeans off my feet. He leaned back over me, letting my pants drop to the floor.

Still being very much embarrassed, I tried to cover myself up, but he grabbed my hands and pulled them away. He looked me in the face and bent down kissing me, lying back down on top of me. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, running my nails gently down his back feeling him shiver against me. I felt his hands under my shoulders, holding me to him as he kissed me. I felt cherished and wanted, finally after a long while.

He slid down and to my chest, stopping to lick around on of my nipple, making my back arch from the bed into his touch with a shuddering gasp as my hands where now fisted in my covers. I felt the roughness of his jeans against my bare skin, sending signals to my brain that that was my turn to remove them. I reached down and grabbed the button of his pants, pulling it free from the loop.


He sat up and I looked down. His pants were unbuttoned and hung on his slim hips, showing off his perfect frame. I looked up into his face and then sat up and nipped at his collarbone while my hands worked desperately at the fly of his pants to get them off. I let my finger slid inside the waistband around his hips, kissing down his chest. After a good struggle, I pulled them down off his hips, looking up at him, asking for permission to remove them. He nods his head once and helped me remove them soundlessly, but eagerly. They joined the heap of clothes that gathered in a pile.



I felt his smooth skin against mine and moaned in delight. It felt good having him so close to me. I wrapped my leg high around his hip and pushed my hips up to his. He moaned into my mouth and our bodies rubbed against each other a good few seconds until he grabbed my hips to stop me. Our eyes met. I was petrified he was going to tell me we shoul be be doing this. My heart sped up in fear.


“We should calm down a bit before we lose control,” he merely whispers, relieving me a great deal.



I nod my head. I too wanted this to last longer than three minutes. He smiles down at me, and then slides down to kiss my stomach, itching his way down. In one swift motion, his hands pulled my thighs over his shoulders as he bends his head to take me into his mouth without any warning of the sort. I almost screamed at this wonderful new sensation, involuntarily arching into his mouth. My hands grabbed onto his fingers that were holding my leg over his shoulders in pure lust. I clenched onto his dark hair to keep me from thrashing about.


A thought suddenly struck me. My brother was a virgin, so how the hell did he learn how to do that with tongue? I arched my back again, panting. My head fell to the side and I closed my eyes as a large jolt of pleasure went through my whole body, giving me chills. As I felt the end drawing near, my back was at constant arch, thrusting my hips up at my brother, desperately wanting release.


My hips jerked up out of my control as I looked down at my brother’s bobbing head. His fingers pressing tightly into my skin now doubt leaving a mark tomorrow but I really didn’t care. I felt my legs start to shake as I became aware of myself coming closer to my climax. When I thought I couldn’t take anymore, he pumped his head up and down faster, sucking harder. I screamed, releasing into my brother’s mouth, panting hard and trying to control myself.

Yuuji lifted his head and licked his lips, smiling at me.


“Taste yourself,” he said in a husky command, bringing our mouths back together, him sharing my seed with me.



I pulled back, looking into his eyes. He looked at me quietly, waiting for what I was going to say, or even do for that matter. I leaned over and pulled a bottle of oil out of the drawer on my nightstand and handed it to him, heart beating furiously in my chest.


ook ook the oil and smiled at me, kissing me gently, leaning back down to kiss my stomach and thighs. His kisses felt like butterfly wings against my legs. I held onto the comforter on my bed as I felt an oil slick finger press against me. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath and as I breathed out, Yuuji slid his finger into me. I tensed slightly and he didn’t move until I calmed. He started to move his er ier in and out, mimicking sex at a gentle pace. When I was pushing against his finger moaning softly, he slid another one in.

My back arched as he hit something in me that made stars flash before my eyes. I gasped and reached out for him, finding his shoulder. I held onto it as he probed me more sliding in another finger. This was a bit more painful and he waited longer, leaving lingering kisses against my stomach to calm me. I shifted and relaxed again to the soft kisses he was leaving and he moved his hand again. I adjusted quickly to this and thrust my hips back to him, desperately wanting more.


All too soon, he pulled his fingers out and I looked at him. He looked at me, asking the question with his eyes. I nodded my head and he came up kissing me gently. I mentally whispered my thanks to the heavens. At last I got something that was entirely dear to me.


“I promise to try not to hurt you,” he whispered, running just the backs of his knuckles against my cheeks, looking deep into my eyes with love, and only love.


I nod my head. “I know.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, getting ready for the first painful experience.



He pulled my legs up high around his waist, silently asking me to hold them there. I did do as he guided himself into me with one hand the other around my shoulders. I grunted slightly as it still hurt somewhat. He paused and let my body relax before sliding in further. I could feel his hot panting breath on my shoulder. I felt him sink in completely to me and then wait as I adjusted to the feel on him there. I sighed and pushed my hips up against his slowly.



I felt him wrap his other arm around me and under my shoulders crossing them holding me there. He lifted himself up and started to thrust steadily into me. I held onto his arms and looked up into his face, which was twisted with passion and his hair plastered to his face with sweat. He bent down and kissed me, moaning into my mouth as he quirked his hips faster, making me cry out, hitting the magic spot over and over again.



He bent his down, slammiis his hips faster and sharper into me drawing a cry from my lips every time now. I clawed as his back at the pleasure that overwhelmed me. I couldn’t stop from crying out when his jerk sharply into me to hit that spot dead on, making my world burst with color. I looked up into his dark eyes that were glazed with passion. I brought my own hand down and started to jerk myself off, timing them with his thrusts into me. Yuuji and I both needed release badly. I jerked myself off faster, feeling that same tightening in my groin that I did before and slammed my hips up to his holding his shoulders with my one hand.



He bent down and panted against my lips, kissing me quickly, then putting his head down resting it on my shoulder as he hips pushed harder into mine. I panted and moaned into his ear, getting closer to the edge. I couldn’t take anymore. I screamed his name at the top of my lungs, throwing my head back into the pillow. I felt warmth in my body and knew he had come from his grunt of my name.



Falling onto me exhaustedly we panted together getting our breath back. When I had finally calmed down to the point of noticing my surroundings, I turned to face him.



“Where do you learn how to do that?” I asked, wanting to ask that question for a long while now.

Yuuji glanced over at me with a tired, tiny chuckle. “I have my resources, koi.”