Death Juice: It'll Be The End Of You

====================== FORMALITIES=====================

Fandom: Prince of Tennis

Paring: …umm can I just leave it as mass orgy? ^_^;

Rating: Naughty. Very naughty indeed. (It’s spankalicious!)

Disclaimer:
I don’t own the Prince of Tennis hotties in any way shape or form (god knows if I did they wouldn’t be so damn young and there’s be a hell of a lot more fan service). All I do is sully them up like sluts and then put them back where they came from and pray that nobody notices the come stains.

Author’s Notes:
1. Ok, so this is my first fanfic – well that I’ve actually been bothered to type up. It is based on a role play that my friend Tzu and I did and seemed to be funny to everyone (at least my friend Alicia-chan kept falling off her chair laughing).

2. This is YAOI. Meaning MALE with MALE sex. (It’s like a fort – no girls allowed!)

3. Umm, I can’t remember but there might be a few slight spoilers maybe. It’s not anything major so don’t get your panties in a twist.

4. This is CRACK! CRACK, CRACK, CRACK! (*grid tokes it up with Akutsu* Akutsu: Yeah… totally on crack… I mean crack… >.>)

5. If there’s any OOCness you can all just DEAL WITH IT. (See the aforementioned point for clarification.)

6. This is a MAJOR weird ass pairings / threesome / orgy warning.

7. Oh and did I mention the voyeurism? (Akutsu: You just did you dopey bitch. But you forgot the part about the handcuffs and the spanking… griD: Yeah… that too. ^_^;)

8. Oh, and if you’re going to flame, please make them at least slightly amusing, we like to hear how you think that none of this is possible even though we totally know already. (AlleyKitten: And send marshmallows! griD: Mmm… marshmallows… *griD watches AlleyKitten sit in front of the fireplace waiting for the first flame*)

9. If we’ve forgotten to warn you about anything… Akutsu will be around to erase all recollection of your complaints… with a tennis racket. Fear him.

10. We WILL use the Japanese word if there is no decent sounding translation in English. For example: Senpai. This is a suffix or a name that cannot be decently translated without sounding like a wanker. Thus we leave it in Japanese. Don’t bitch just because I don’t want to sound like a wanker. On another note the suffix ‘–chan’ denotes a childish and feminine implication. The use of ‘-chan’ is to explicitly take the piss out of a character. Also: the use of the word ‘chibi’. This is not meaning ‘small’ if it did I would use the word SMALL. >.> It means a super-deformed character in this case. Please do not try and correct our Japanese. AlleyKitten and I are both fluent in reading, speaking and writing.

11. Every time you don't review Fuji kills a captain. THINK OF THE CAPTAINS!

Don’t like any of that? Don’t read.

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Death Juice: It’ll Be The End Of You
Complete and utter PoT crack, written by griDbug and beta’d by AlleyKitten

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Inui’s log: Supplemental.
Stardate 207.1.. (A/N: This is scribbled out)
Day: Wednesday
Time: 21:30
Log Topic: Side effect analysis of Juice #364: “Death Juice” in a 24 hour period.
Note: All data gained that I otherwise wasn’t present for was obtained from various video tapes made throughout the analysis period. (Source: Mukahi Gakuto)
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0800 hours, Tuesday.
Subject: Momoshiro Takeshi.
Year: Second.
Reason for observation: Increased agility and timing.
Reason for observation, secondary: Has developed unusual habits of pointing toes while jumping, also twirling.
Probability of arguing over who can run faster with Kaidoh: 87%
Probability of playing a match with Kaidoh on first roster: 68.4%
Probability of anyone caring about these statistics but me: 0.0034% (…so cruel…)

The data player walked over to the side of the court and took his rightful place outside the fence, standing as usual with Fuji, Eiji, Kawamura and Oishi. Probability of Tezuka pulling his head out of his ass long enough to come and actually speak to any of them: 15%. Kaidoh hissed over at the back of the court where Momo had lobbed the ball gracefully on the line. ”How did you hit it all the way over there from where you are now, bastard?!” he demanded before going to get the ball. ”I got it there ’cause I’m better than you, that’s why.” Momo pointed out with a grin, cockily puffing his chest out before daintily shining his nails on his shirt and inspecting them.

”Has anyone noticed anything... strange... about Momo?” Oishi asked nervously as he watched the black haired boy skip around in circles with an extremely pissed off Kaidoh in the middle. ”Echizen too...” Fuji pointed out as the green haired boy landed in what looked like a ballet position. ”Ah, so everyone else has started to notice the new habits that Momoshiro and Echizen have developed. They have been going on for some time now.” Inui stated, adjusting his glasses.

”You wanna fight?!” a string of curses flowed out of the Viper’s mouth as he tried in vain to catch his prancing rival, ”Why don’t you just stay still you bastard! Come here and fight like a man!” growing more and more aggitated everytime he was evaded. Echizen twirled to avoid the two boys that came hurling through his court and served, unphased.

”There’s something definitely different there nya...” the acrobat thought it looked a lot like ballet. ”According to my calculations, their agility has increased by 45% and 34% respectively. Despite the odd habits, whatever they’re doing has added to their stamina and play style.” And to Momo’s ass. The data player got out his notebook to record some new data. Probability of shagging Momoshiro: 47%. Probability of after secret training: 68%. Probability of shagging Momoshiro after induction of copious amounts of alcohol: 88.3% Gooood data... ”It’s weird because Momo is usually very...” Eiji was cut off when the group flinched as Kaidoh faceplanted Momo into the tennis courts for being a show off. ”...clumsy.” he finished as the power player whined about Kaidoh's ’brutal attack’. ”I plan to find out what they’re adding to their training schedule to get these kind of results.” Inui mentioned casually.

”What’s everyone standing around for? 50 laps around the grounds. All of you. Now.” Tezuka simply barked the order and went to supervise the junior’s training. Tezuka’s grumpiness monitor 0830 hours: aggitated, snippy. Gave twice the amount of normal laps. Peak in grumpiness has occured at the same time every month for three concurrent months. Must investigate further to see if Tezuka gets a period. PMS seems to be the only viable explanation. With that the group started running. Eiji had to pry Momo and Kaidoh apart to avoid the imminent recurrence of another fight and the wrath of an extremely pissy captain.

Kaidoh sided up to Inui during the jog ”Senpai, I’d like some new things to add to my training menu.” The data player slowed and paced himself so he jogged easily with the junior. He already did 2.25 times the normal training, what other motivation was there to do more? Sighing inwardly, Inui knew exactly what motivation there was. ”What seems to be the problem with your current menu, Kaidoh?” Inui adjusted his glasses again. Hissing a little, the Viper made a small thoughtful expression ”I think my speed is lacking...” he said glancing back over to stupid Momoshiro, who was as usual, clinging closely to Kikumaru. There was no point arguing with Kaidoh when he was determined to increase his regime. However, Inui was just going to make it a pointless exercise so the other boy didn’t overexert himself. ”I’ll design a new training exercise for you and give it to you later.” Probability of Kaidoh increasing his training because of Momoshiro: 100% Possible effectiveness of speed training for Kaidoh: 57%. Probability of me not staring at Kaidoh’s ass during training: ...0% Inui grinned at that. Nodding in acknowledgement, Kaidoh gave a small smile ”Thankyou senpai.” and moved ahead in the pack. Stopping fifteen laps short of the fifty he was assigned, he started pouring out his latest juice.

Deciding to actually take on board Kaidoh’s senitment, the data player broke out everything he needed for a speed test and recognition test, like he had before the regional tournaments. He got Tezuka to call all the regualrs over, so a pitching machine could throw balls with different coloured stripes on them at everyone, who had to shout out the colour and hit it to the appropriate coloured basket. The cones made too much mess. Once they missed, Because 'if' was never an option... they had to drink his juice. Inui of course made his juices so horrific because he enjoyed seeing everyone suffer. He was after all, somewhat of a sadist. That, and it was funny as hell. Unfortunately for him, so far no one had missed, they’d gotten better since the last time. However when it came to Eiji’s turn the pitching machine decided to go heywire. It was an electrical shortage, I swear... The balls came at nearly twice the speed and the redhead had trouble keeping up with them, missing two and sending one into the wrong coloured basket. ”I~nuiiiii! No fair! Nya! That thing went psycho on me!” he whined and pointed at the monsterous machine. A look of pure terror was etched on his face as the glass of juice was held in front of his face.

Inui grinned as he loomed over the redhead. Probability that Kikumaru will try and run: 98%. Probability of Kikumaru getting away: 0%. ”Drink, drink...” the data man prompted as he handed the glass over. Everyone knew it would be a thousand times worse if they didn't. He watched gleefully as the little redhead drank his latest concoction and surprisingly didn't fall over or scream. Instead he seemed to turn red, then a funny shade of purple... and promptly turned into a chibi and pounced on Inui. Probability of me expecting this... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Inui screamed "Get off! Get off! Get offfff!!!" when the rabid chibi wouldn't let go of his leg.

The other regulars just blinked a few times, letting it all sink in for a few minutes. Kaidoh inched away from the table where the juice was, afraid to even be within a few metres of it. Fuji laughed quietly to himself. Being the team’s second sadist he found the entire situation rather amusing. To say the least, no one fancied drinking Inui’s latest concoction. Definitely not.

The Eiji chibi clung tightly to Inui’s leg, giggling and slipping a hand up his shorts, while rubbing his face into his thigh, ”I really like you I~nu~i-chan!” Flailing all over the place, a rather large blush crept across Inui’s face as he tried to pry Eiji’s face from his leg and stop his hands from moving anywhere else. A rather distressed looking Oishi decided to help. "EIJI!" he said in a gruff voice as he ripped his doubles partner from Inui's body. The data player’s head spun as he tried to figure out what had just happened. That shouldn't have happened. Just as Kikumaru had wriggled out of Oishi's death grip Yes, he's made a new move especially for restraining his ’super-hyper elastic ball of fun’ aka Kikumaru Eiji. and was heading back for another go at Inui, he turned back to normal in mid air, and landed face first in the data player's crotch. Probability of me figuring out what the hell just happened: 12%. Probability of making modifications so chibiness doesn't occur then slipping some to Kaidoh: 100%. Good data.. He chuckled evilly, barely noticing the face in his groin.

Eiji’s face lit up delightedly as he realised where he was, a cat tail and ears popping out of his body as he nuzzled Inui’s crotch, hands moving up rapidly to try and remove the pants that stood in his way. Kaidoh reddened at that, how dare he do that to his senpai! Coming forward out of the crowd he reefed Eiji off the data player by the scruff of the neck and hissed at him. ”That’s not yours!” He normally liked cats too... but not when they tried to molest his Inui-senpai. ”It’s mine.” he grumbled to himself, a little too loud. Inui’s almost uncanny super Kaidoh sense picked up on the mumbled out words, needless to say they surprised the data player, considering the Viper hadn’t shown any feelings towards him that way before. Ohh good data! GOOD DATA! He was so preoccupied, as was the rest of the team, that they didn’t see a now half naked, half cat Tezuka slinking up behind Inui until it was too late. The cold-as-ice captain was now happily shoving his hand up the data player’s shirt and purring deep into his ear. Well, that shook Inui out of his constant string of ”OOOHH GOOOD DATA’s” and made him actually pay attention. Turning around he managed to stutter a feeble protest ”T-T-Tezuka?! This is highly illogical!” Luckily Inui’s weights training had gotten definite results and using his now increased strength to fend off the extremely aroused captain, he bought himself some time to run like hell. From Tezuka mainly, but also from Fuji who looked like he was going to repatedly stab Inui in the eyes with his own number 2 pencil. Mental note: Propose a selling agreement with Fuji so the juice works as an attractant for him. Inui grinned at the thought of how much money the genius would give him for an instant captain in heat formula.

Eiji was pouting at the loss of his play thing, and it’s not like anyone would like being held captive by Kaidoh, who had a grip like a vice. Once the junior calmed down and let him go, another mischevous smile played across his lips. He went to run after the black haired boy but stopped dead in his tracks when he noticed the other horny catboy and cocked his head to the side. Flicking his tail he tried to attract Tezuka to him, if it didn’t work he could always go and find Inui again. ”Ah, Fuji-senpai...” the brown haired boy turned to see Echizen, who now had ridiculous looking nasal plugs, pointing over to Eiji who was just about to pounce on their captain. Fuji’s eyes actually opened – this alone was a feat in itself – however as his eyes settled on Tezuka and he took a few steps forward, Eiji turned back into a normal person and ran away screaming, leaving a rather confused and horny captain in his wake. Casually flicking an ear, the catboy scanned the area for his ’owner’. His owner being the one that made the juice: Inui. However before the cat-captain could go too far, Fuji grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, his usual sadistic smile in place, and dragged him off to the side of the court, reprimanding him for being a ’bad kitty’. He repeated this process until the juice wore off, which incidentally left Tezuka wondering why the hell Fuji was calling him a bad kitty, why Kikumaru wouldn’t come near him and why the hell he was half naked. Inui was currently hiding under a bush near the outside of the courts praying that Fuji and Tezuka wouldn’t find him. Just in case they did though, he was calculating the probability of his survival. 0.035% And that’s the good odds...

Tezuka being his usual self strode into the middle of the tennis courts – still half naked – and commanded that someone tell him what the hell had happened. Eiji, who had also lost his shirt somewhere during the process was hiding behind a blushing Momoshiro, also wanting to know why he was trying to feel up his scary captain. Echizen checked the two huge wads of blood soaked nasal paper and decided he’d casually offer the story. Before he even opened his mouth a jet black Harley Davidson limited edition rolled up at the courts carrying Hyoutei’s Oshitari Yuushi and Mukahi Gakuto. Jumping off the back of the bike, the obnoxious redhead yelled ”Damn! You guys are always havin’ fun!” as his eyes wandered over Tezuka before handing him a fancy looking envelope, addressed to the entire Seigaku team. It was an invitation, written in Atobe Keigo’s handwriting. Oshitari explained that Atove was throwing himself a birthday party and all the Seigaku regulars were invited. He also explained that only Hyoutei, Seigaku and Rikkaidai regulars were invited and there was a strict no dates rule. Turning to the other genius the blue haired boy pointed at the captain and acrobat ”Incidentally, Fuji... why are they half undressed?” Inui had scurried out from under the bush some time ago and eerily popped up behind Oshitari to clarify, and also to shield himself from a livid looking Fuji. ”I believe it was my latest juice, although I really have no idea how it all happened...”

Echizen rolled his eyes mumbling as he took his nose plugs out ”That’s so like him...” Gakuto’s curiosity got the better of him as he picked up a half empty glass of the juice and sniffed at it a bit. ”What’s wrong with it? It smells sweet...” he brought the cup to his lips at which time every sane Seigaku regular leapt forward to stop him screaming ”DON’T DRINK IT!” in unicen. Oshitari was a little puzzled at how some drink Inui made up could make people get half naked, but he just shrugged it off and motioned for Gakuto to follow him. ”Party starts at seven. Don’t be late of I’ll have to deal with Atobe hassling me.” he said casually over his shoulder as the two Hyoutei boys got on the bike and rode off.

When Fuji turned back around Inui was cowering in a corner while Tezuka screamed at him. ”For the thousandth time! Don’t leave weird drinks around where they can get mistaken for my water bottle!” All the memories of Inui’s carelessness that seemed to always backfire on him came flooding back in that one moment. The captain shuddered. This is where Tezuka got his nervous tick back. Haven’t seen it in a while... he must have really been aggitated. Conclusion: Really must work on perfecting juice later. Eiji stood looking at the yellow and pink fluid that pooled on the ground from where the drink was thrown out. ”I hope nothing drinks that...” standing up he could feel two pairs of eyes on him, blushing a little and turning away from Oishi and Momo he tapped Inui on the shoulder. ”Nya, Inui... what happened to my shirt?” he couldn’t see them anywhere. ”I think they’re over by the net.” Inui said as he went through things in his head, he must have made a mistake in the ingredients somewhere. Going back over what he’d put in it, practise ended for the morning and for the day. It was school break and they didn’t have classes.

”Inui-senpai!” the data player’s head jerked up as his name was called as Fuji and Eiji walked into the locker room. Echizen stood looking up at him, with his usual bored expression. ”I asked, if you could help me out. I need to go shopping for clothes for tonight.” The senior blinked a few times. You could just see the big neon sign flashing ’DATA PROCESSING’ on his forehead. ”It would be a more logical choice to ask Kikumaru or Fuji about that... Apparently I have... according to Kikumaru...” a faint blush crept across his face as he pushed the thick glasses up the bridge of his nose before continuing. ”the fashion sense of a mentally ill pigmi from Hawaii who is colourblind and on steriods...” Inui coughed a little at the more the colourful terminology used to describe what he wore. ”Furthermore, when I looked into the matter, my data concluded that a further 78% of people agreed with that statement. Thus, you’re definitely asking the wrong person.” Muttering to himself the data player walked off wondering who would be the easiest to inebriate at Atobe’s party.


====================MORE COMING SOON==================