Learning to Fly

BY : Moontyger
Category: Death Note > General
Dragon prints: 6053
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.



Title: Learning
to Fly


Author: Moontyger


Pairing: L/Raito


Rating: NC-17


Disclaimer: Much to my continuing disappointment, I own neither these boys nor Death Note. If I did, there would be far fewer deaths and much more smut.





The whole thing began strangely and
got even stranger. Raito had no idea why it started and honestly,
the whole progression from point a to point b seemed a little fuzzy,
too. What he did know was that it had all started when they
were going to visit Misa. They being he and L, of course. Since
they were chained together, they naturally went on “dates”
with Misa together. Truthfully, he didn't mind it and maybe even
preferred it, although he wouldn't admit as much and Misa hated it.
At least with L there he got some decent conversation and she
wouldn't pester him as much for obvious signs of affection. While
her utter devotion made her useful, Raito really couldn't stand her
and was glad when she was working and too busy to see him much. L
was much better company.


Anyway, so they were going to see Misa
in the headquarters building of the Kira investigation. Suddenly,
with no warning at all, he felt a hand in his. When he turned to
look, in shock, he saw it was as he had thought: Ryuuzaki had for
some reason taken his hand as they walked. He wasn't even looking at
Raito, just walking casually holding his hand, as though this were a
normal, everyday occurrence.


Even more strange was the fact that,
once he got over the sheer surprise at it happening at all, he really
didn't mind. In fact, he almost liked it. Ryuga's hand was warm and
his grip was stronger than one might expect, at least stronger than
he would have thought had he not played against him in tennis. But
it was more than that. He should hate being touched by him, he
really should and yet... he didn't. Strange.


He should have asked L what he was
doing and why. He meant to, but by the time he was done thinking
about it and was ready to ask, they were at Misa's door. He knocked;
L dropped his hand and it was as if it had never happened. Just a
hallucination on his part, although a pretty unusual one. Surely it
wasn't wishful thinking? No, of course not. Living in such close
quarters with someone else was clearly affecting his mind.


But he wondered. The whole time they
were there, pretending to listen to Misa, he wondered about it. Did
it happen? Why? Why did he like it? He kept sneaking looks at
Ryuga, trying to read him and guess what he was thinking. Not that
he could. L was weird, unique; he'd never met anyone like him, which
made him nearly impossible to read. Instead he found himself looking
at him differently, noticing things he hadn't before. It was
disconcerting and unexpected and he didn't like it. Raito preferred
things to be neat and routine; the unexpected was dangerous. L
was dangerous, even if he couldn't say exactly how or why. He felt
it instinctively.


But maybe, just maybe, L was
attractive, too? Surely not. And yet... he had such clear, pale
skin, almost translucent. He had regarded it with contempt at the
beginning: a sure sign that this man never got out, just more proof
of his abnormality. But it was also almost beautiful in its
unusualness. And those huge dark eyes, that looked even darker due
to the dark rings around them. Eyes that hid what he was thinking
and what he was feeling, mirrors rather than windows to the soul.


Not that Raito was altogether certain
what he himself thought and felt some of the time. Ryuga believed he
was Kira and sometimes he believed it himself. Yet how could that
be? How could he forget a thing like that, especially when Kira must
kill consciously? Nor would he do something like that; he wasn't a
mass murderer. Was he? Sure, he sometimes thought the world would
be better off without certain people, but that didn't mean he'd
actually kill them. It was disturbing to spend all his time
physically chained to someone who believed him to be a monster,
believed it with such sincerity and intensity that he doubted
himself.


Raito wanted to be innocent. He
wanted to prove his innocence, but he didn't know how. And inside,
well, he tried not to, but he kept wondering if it weren't true. L
was a genius detective; if he believed Raito was Kira, maybe he was
correct. And he had some strangely vague memories of past events.
Such as why he was dating Misa in the first place. Sure, she was
cute and she seemed crazy about him, but she also drove him nuts.
Why would he date a girl like this? But if he really were Kira and
she the second Kira, it made more sense. The implications were
disturbing and he tried not to think about it.


The whole time they were there, he
hardly noticed Misa at all. He was too busy trying to figure out
Ryuuzaki and his own feelings about him. Misa noticed, but luckily
decided he was merely self-conscious about having him there during
their date. He listened to her complain once again about how unfair
it was that her Raito should be restrained in this manner, treated as
a criminal unable even to date her normally, when she knew he was
innocent. Raito wished he felt as certain about his innocence as
she. Hell, he wished he felt as certain about the whole situation as
Misa did. What if it really were only this chain preventing him from
killing? What should he do then?


Well, he didn't know and there wasn't
much he could do other than continue with what he was doing: helping
Ryuuzaki with the Kira investigation. If they caught Kira, then it
couldn't be him, right? At least if it were the original...


This time, when Misa noticed his
distraction, he could honestly say he'd been worried about the case.
She seemed disappointed, but it also seemed an excuse she would
accept. Further, it gave them an excuse to leave. If he couldn't
pay attention to her because he was thinking about work, he might as
well go do it and get it over with.


“I just know you'll solve it
soon! You're so smart there's no way anyone could escape you!”
Misa said in her usual annoyingly perky manner. She drove him crazy;
he could barely stand to be around her. But he kissed her before he
left, anyway. He had to be dating her for some reason and
even if he couldn't recall it at the moment, he probably shouldn't
neglect her so much that she left him. Not until he knew if he could
afford that. Perhaps she would be of use to the investigation yet.


Once the door shut behind him, though,
he forgot about Misa. He rarely thought about her when she was not
present anyway, but this was more than that. Freed of other
distractions, he turned his attention back to Ryuga. For the first
time, he wondered what he thought when he watched Raito kiss Misa.
He didn't appear to have a girlfriend of his own, but then he
supposed that would be difficult when you refused to reveal your name
or history. Was he jealous? He had claimed to be a fan of hers...
But then again, he had also encouraged Raito to use her to aid in the
search for Kira. Surely he wouldn't have suggested such a thing if
he were interested in her for himself. Or maybe he would. Raito had
no idea if L really cared about anyone at all; maybe he only saw them
as tools to manipulate.


He watched L walk and felt a
surprising urge to reach for his hand, to hold it again, see if it
felt the same way. Why did he feel like this? He used to only
notice how awkwardly L walked and feel contempt at it. Now he
wondered why he walked like that, sat like that. Was it deliberate,
some sort of “eccentric genius” act?


Well, he'd never know if he didn't try
and it wasn't like him to be shy. So he did it: he reached out and
took L's hand in his. He didn't resist or act surprised. Under
other circumstances, that might have annoyed Raito, as it suggested
he was predictable, but right now he was rather glad of it. This was
awkward enough as it was. At least in some senses it was. In other
ways, it felt comfortable, natural, perhaps even comforting. Not
that he liked to admit he needed comfort, but considering his doubts
about himself, was it any wonder that he might? It wasn't very
comfortable to admit that he might be a serial killer through some
method he didn't even understand, much less recall. And yet... well,
he didn't calculate percentages like Ryuuzaki did; it just wasn't how
he worked, but it still sometimes seemed to him far too possible that
he was (had been) Kira. He wanted to catch Kira not only to prove
his innocence to L and to his father, but to prove it to himself.
And he did want to be innocent, right? God, why couldn't he stop
thinking about this?


He dropped L's hand at the door to
their suite and muttered something about taking a shower. Maybe the
hot water would calm him down, clear his head. Make him stop
wondering if he were a killer; make him stop thinking about why he
wanted to touch the detective, why he liked it when touching Misa was
merely a duty.


The chain made actual bathing too
awkward, but showering worked well enough. It would probably make
more sense to shower together, but neither of them had felt
comfortable enough to do that yet. So L politely turned away while
Raito undressed and got in the shower, pretending he couldn't see or
didn't notice the boy chained to him.


The shower felt good, but he was
awkward and aware of his nakedness in a way he hadn't been since this
started. He had thought he had gotten used to it, but now things
were different and he felt shy again. He couldn't help wondering
what Ryuuzaki thought about while he was showering. He wasn't the
type to not be thinking anything, after all. He probably resented
being kept here, where he couldn't easily work and just had to wait.
But whose fault was that, after all? He was the one who had come up
with this bizarre plan!


He snuck a peek at him and was
startled to see dark eyes meet his. Was he watching him?
Raito didn't think he'd ever done
that
before. At least he'd never caught him at it if he had. He felt
embarrassed but it was too late to pretend he hadn't seen him
watching; they both knew better. Preferring to be bold rather than
to simply turn away and let L win by unnerving him, he turned towards
him, instead. “If you're going to watch, you might as well
join me.”


Ryuuzaki's eyes
widened, but then he nodded and started to remove his own clothing.
Shit. He hadn't really expected him to take him up on it. What now?
And he'd never really looked at L naked before (he wasn't a fucking
voyeur, unlike L apparently, and had respected his privacy) and now
he was staring at him removing his pants, noticing that he had a
really great ass and that smooth, white skin and oh God, now he was
aroused, why was he aroused, and he wouldn't be able to hide it...


His thoughts were
cut off as L climbed in the shower with him and kissed him, pressing
him back against the wall. The tile was cold against his bare skin
and L's mouth was so hot and he was kissing him like he had been
starving for him, wanting to do this for weeks now, and he had
finally lost control. And Raito would feel contempt at that or maybe
superior because L seemed to want him so much, except that he was
kissing him back just as hungrily. Had he gone crazy? He had never
even thought about L this way before today; he'd swear he
hadn't and yet right now he felt as if he'd never get enough.
Ryuuzaki's skin felt as good as it looked, warm and wet and soft and
his body was pressed tightly to him so he could feel the shape of it,
wiry muscle over bone.


He felt a hand on
his cock, and knew he should tell him to stop, but he couldn't say
it; all that escaped his lips was a moan as L stroked him and bit his
neck, hard enough that it would probably leave a mark, and yet he
couldn't bring himself to care. All he wanted was more. He
slid his hands over the ass he had been admiring, over and between
L's legs, wanting to feel, to touch, desperately. L moaned, his
breathing ragged, and the sound made him even harder, if that were
possible. He wanted this so much and he had no idea where
this sudden desire was even coming from but he didn't want to fight
it, not when Ryuga seemed to share it.


Wet
fingers inside him and Raito wanted to protest, say he didn't want
this, not like
this,
but it would be a lie and he wanted it too much to lie, even if he
found his own desire humiliating. He whimpered instead, in need and
confusion, and there was understanding and maybe even sympathy
mingled with lust in L's huge dark eyes, even darker now, so deep he
could drown in them.


“Soon,”
L whispered, scissoring his fingers inside him. He couldn't pretend
he didn't know what he meant and he was almost afraid, although he
wouldn't say it. Better to admit his own desire, to admit he wanted
Ryuuzaki inside of him, fucking him, than to confess to his fear of
the vulnerability implied in it. Though he'd do either, say almost
anything, as long as L didn't stop.


“Please,”
he breathed, hating himself for saying it, but saying it anyway. “I
want...” But he couldn't finish the sentence, couldn't bring
himself to say that he wanted Ryuuzaki, wanted L, his rival,
his equal. Not yet, at least.


L didn't make him
say it and Raito didn't resist when he turned him around, pressing
him into the wall again. He gasped at the sensation when L entered
him in one smooth stroke, almost painful and yet also good,
like nothing he had ever felt. The pain faded as he kept going,
thrusting into him carefully but with an edge that suggested the care
wouldn't remain for long, drowned in pleasure. Raito was moaning,
moving his hips encouragingly, wanting this far more than he would
have thought possible. How had he never known he wanted this, needed
this? He had never felt this way with anyone else and he didn't
understand why this should be so different.


Ryuuzaki wrapped
an arm around his waist and stroked him and he couldn't help but
moan. It was hot and fast and awkward and the best he'd ever had.
“L,” he cried out as he came and his cry echoed,
amplified by the acoustics of such a small, mostly enclosed space.
L's moan at his own orgasm was wordless, nameless, and he wondered if
that should bother him.


Afterwards, the
water washed away the immediate physical evidence. They dried off
together for the first time and dressed in silence. Raito kept
sneaking peeks at L, but he couldn't tell what he was thinking. The
eyes he could read so easily before are now opaque, hidden, and his
face was his habitual blank. What was he feeling? Did L regret it
now? For that matter, did he?


Still feeling
shuddery aftershocks of pleasure, he thought he didn't. Strange, he
would have expected to. He wondered if they would do it again and if
so, how soon. He wanted to do it again, although he didn't say it.
Not yet.


They left the
bathroom together, still chained. Outwardly, nothing had changed.
But inside, everything was different, and it wasn't just the vague
lingering physical rawness. They couldn't go back to the way things
had been, could they?


“L,”
he said at last, when he couldn't stand the silence any longer.
“What... was that?”


Ryuuzaki turned to
look at him, staring into his eyes and studying his expression
intently. Raito wondered what he saw. His expression was serious as
he finally answered. “Learning to fly,” he said, and
pulled him into a kiss.



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