When You Look at Me

When You Look at Me

When you look at me. Some people might think its dislike. But when I look deep in you're golden eyes I see that you love me. To bad you didn't know it before.

Loud speakers rang over the people in the lobby of the airport. Though Shuichi wasn't paying much attention bedside's he still had two more hours before his flight left. Shuichi turned his head to the side to look out the giant windows and the giant plans that lay out side. He felt so small even smaller then the snow that fell.


I knew Yuki denied his feelings for me...maybe because he didn't want to get hurt. Or maybe because of some reason I didn't know. But when I came home early that night I opened the door softly and closed it softly hoping if Yuki...wait let me say Eiri was asleep he wouldn't wake. And I walked softly down the hall. And I peeked in his room.

Thats when things changed. I hid behind the half opened door. To only see Ayaka and Eiri kissing. Behind my back I thought when I looked in his eyes he loved me. Maybe he was worried about his reputation. That was the only thing I could think of as I backed away from the door and ran out of the house making sure to close the door softly. Really I'd do anything to make Eiri happy. And after that night I didn't say a word about what I saw. But soon it became to much I wouldn't look in his eyes.

I'd cry alone in the bathroom keeping quite. Those little tantrums I through where just for show. But when I really hurt I don't like to show it. I would wonder if Eiri would be happier off with Ayaka? Silly little question's like that would run through my mind. I kept it a dirty little secret for months just like Eiri did. I'd do anything to make him happy and I would never want to hurt him. I'd rather die. I even made a promise that I'd never leave him. And this is what hurt me the most. Here I am in the airport holding my passport to Europe. I was leaving Eiri. And I killed me inside I had to gather strength that I didn't know existed in me just to buy the ticket. Just to get up and walk away from him.

I didn't know how to tell him. I didn't know if I wanted to tell him. But I left a note for him.

Bad Luck was going on a small break and would start up again next January. It wouldn't be long its October already. Hiro and Suguru well they where a couple now and Shuichi prayed they'd have a good life together. He even prayed that Eiri would be happy.

The click of Yuki's door closeing was the only sound in the house. Everything seemed to quite and dark in Yuki's house as he looked around switching on the lights. He need to tell Shuichi tonight. He thought it would be better if he didn't say a word. But how he was wrong Everything seemed to stop the weight of the world seemed to fall on Yuki's shoulders as he kept it a secret. Everything between him and Shuichi seemed to crumble. Just when things seemed to be going right. Just when it seemed Yuki was opening his heart.

I walked down the hall. Everything seemed dead I looked around for Shuichi and I even called his name. But no answer. Shuichi wasn't no where to be seen. I started to panic where could he be? I looked in every room twice and no sign on him.
I went in my office once more. And there lay a note next to my laptop. My heart started to beat faster. Everything seemed to be in slow motion as I picked up the small note and unfolded it. And read what it said.

I thought when I looked in you're eyes I seen something others didn't see. But thats just it I only seen it. So maybe it wasn't real. Eiri I swore I'd never hurt you. And regretfully its tearing me up inside. I'd be happy if you where laughing at this note or maybe burning it or maybe not even reading it. But I guess I failed to keep my promise my promise to never leave you alone. But here I am writing this note. I guess I should tell you somethings. I came home one night...and I was real quite about it making sure if you where asleep I wouldn't wake you. I walked down to you're bedroom and I guess you know what I saw because you where there holding her in you're arms. I kept it a secret for months Eiri as did you. I guess when I looked in you're eye's I seen you loved me. People see what they want to see the most. I guess this is it I'm saying goodbye Eiri and I wish you happiness I wish you will find someone you love.

Yuki was mortified. He didn't know what to say. He had nothing to say Shuichi was gone he had left him he knew that dirty little secret. He'd seen it. Yuki didn't move. He didn't know what to do nothing came to mind nothing at all. He fell back in his chair. He'd lost Shuichi he didn't think for hours he didn't think that maybe calling Hiro, K or even Thoma would lead him to Shuichi. But even if he did find him. He wouldn't know what to say. Shuichi had a right to leave him he'd cheated on Shuichi.

And that sealed its self in Yuki's heart for years.

Shuichi heard the speakers once more. It was time for him to leave. He slowly got up and started walking to the gate that lead to his plan. His only thoughts on Eiri and if he was reading or if he had read the note as he handed his passport over to the young lady. Shuichi looked back one last time unwanted hope rising in his heart that maybe Eiri came after him. And it soon fell and no Eiri came as he sat down in his seat.

His thoughts on if Eiri was alright. As he looked out his window to the snow falling. His thoughts on they way Eiri looked at him and how Shuichi looked deep into his golden eyes only to see what he wanted to see as his plain rose from the ground and into the sky.

But what hurt Shuichi the most was that he was able to live with out Eiri.