Behind His Hazel Eyes

BY : synonomy
Category: Death Note > General
Dragon prints: 1206
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Rating: R
Warnings Yaoi, slightly angsty, implied sex, unbetaed.
Spoilers: Set during handcuff innocent!Light era, so spoilers past chapter 35.

“The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing.” - Publilius Syrus

If there was one thing about L which annoyed Light above all else; it was the way L insisted on staring at him.

The sneaky side-glances when the pair of them were hard at work; the wide-eyed stares from across the room, the unwavering scorching gaze that Light could feel burning the nape of his neck whenever his back was turned.. Light could just about tolerate all L's other many peculiarities, but the staring..? Sometimes it was subtle, and sometimes it was downright blatant; but neither made much difference to Light - whichever way he could feel that cold, analyzing stare boring into him still made him stiffly tense and often resulted in him breaking whatever writing implement was in his hand at the time - as though L's eyes were sending laser beams into his brain and interfering with his digit control. It wasn't just the feeling that it felt like he was being observed under a magnifying glass that bothered him - it was more the sheer blunt, obnoxious manner with which L did it. As though the detective took some kind of sick pleasure in reminding Light of the suspicion hanging over him like a storm cloud; in making sure Light never forgot that L was always looking for reasons to increase the suspicion of him being Kira.

Perhaps L thought he could pressure him into confessing to being Kira, or just felt like seeing his reaction. Maybe L was just determined to irritate him. Light would honestly not be surprised.

The way Light had coped with this in the past was to clench his teeth and determinedly ignore the slouching, baggy-clothed mess of pale skin and wild hair that hung around him like a bad smell. But ever since those handcuffs had been snapped on, it had become almost impossible to bear - because now there was no escaping it; they were forced to be within a 6 foot radius of each other 24/7.

But even though Light was practically on the verge of a mental breakdown, he wasn't about to let L know he was getting to him. If he could handle every chaotic thing that had happened to him so far, he could certainly handle one eccentric sugar-addict.

At least in the eerie stillness of the bedroom with the lights out he didn't have to face those deep, soulless eyes. But that didn't stop Light feeling L's presence; the soft, even breathing next to him echoing around his senses like a ghost. It was almost 3am, but Light had been awake for hours - laying deadly still on his back and gazing blindly into the darkness, reluctant to move for fear of breaking the silence with the rustle of sheets. It was just impossible to relax when he knew L was mere inches away, curled up awkwardly in a half-lying, half sitting position and as wide awake as he was. All that remained was which one of them would break this charade first.

Another hour passed before Light finally felt the shuffling of covers and the creaking of springs next to him. If he squinted, he could just about see L's outline lean over the opposite side of the bed - no doubt to retrieve his laptop - and the gentle tug of the handcuff against his wrist. Sure enough, a few seconds later L had straightened up to his trademark crouch and the glow of the computer screen suddenly illuminated the room, bathing the detective in shallow light and deep shadow that outlined the elegant contours of his face like a Halloween mask. Light waited a few seconds before stirring, propping himself on his elbows and yawning in a very convincing manner. L turned his eyes to him automatically as though he had been expecting it to happen.

"I'm sorry if I woke you, Light-kun." L said in husky monotone.

Light rubbed at his eyes as they grew accustomed to the light. "It's alright. I wasn't properly asleep anyway; just dozing really."

L nodded briefly and turned back to his laptop, slender fingers starting to click their rhythm on the keys. Light rolled onto his side - resting on one elbow - to face L, watching the text scroll across the screen almost hypnotically, and he could sense that even now L was still watching him out of the corner of his eye; black pupils darting to him and back to the screen as quick as lightning flashes.

"What are you doing?" Light asked; always the first line in their own little script.

"Going over the Kira case," L answered flatly, "To check if I've missed anything."

Of course.

"We've gone over that information a thousand times, Ryuzaki." Light said tiredly, "What exactly do you hope to find?"

L brought his thumb to his mouth, appearing to consider the question for a moment. "I don't know, exactly. But something doesn't fit. I believed you were Kira, and Misa Amane was the second Kira. All the evidence we gathered supported that, and everything was starting to fall into place. I was well on my way to being proved right. But then.." L trailed off, his brow furrowing.

"Then what, Ryuzaki?" Light breathed dangerously, already knowing what was coming.

L turned his gaze to the ceiling, face gloomy as he continued, "Then the killings resumed.. whilst you were still in confinement. But that in itself wasn't enough to convince me. It was your face, Light-kun. Your eyes. When I looked at you - when you were furiously denying being Kira - I saw a person who was telling the truth. And I believed you, despite knowing otherwise." L turned his gaze down to Light so he was staring intently into his hazel eyes, "Do you see why it doesn't fit, Light-kun? How can you be Kira, and still be telling the truth when you say you're not? It just doesn't make sense."

"It doesn't make sense because I'm really not Kira, Ryuzaki!" Light hissed, "You just can't stand to be proven wrong, that's all!"

L's eyelids lowered slightly over his stare, lips curving slightly into a wry smile. "Perhaps you're right, Light-kun. I will be the first to admit my childish attitude and dislike of losing. But that does not change the fact that the evidence against you is so substantial it's almost concrete; my own personal view of you aside."

Light sharply pulled himself upright, fisted a handful of L's shirt and yanked him forwards; faces only inches apart and eyes locked more furiously than ever. "L. I. Am. Not. Kira. I am not lying to you. You said my eyes told the truth; well, what do my eyes say now?!"

For a moment the only sound to be heard was the gentle hum of the laptop as Light held his breath. They were so close.. Light could see the burning darkness of L's eyes as though he was falling straight into them. He'd seen these eyes a million times before, always watching him.. but he'd never truly looked back, until now. And it felt like drowning.. no light, no life, just plain, pitch black. How could eyes so empty be so full of knowledge?

L's lips parted slowly, and Light felt the light flush of warm breath against his own as L exhaled gently. "I don't know," he whispered throatily, almost too quietly to hear, "But whatever it is they're saying right now, I believe them."

Light did let his breath escape then, fingers gripping tighter inside the fabric of L's shirt. The detective's eyes still didn't close; not when the distance between them disappeared and his lips were pressed rock-hard against Light's, nor when his fingers entwined with Light's as they fell backwards into the mess of covers, laptop forgotten. L's weight on top of him felt far better than it had any right to; the expanse of firm muscle and boney angles that was L's body seemed to somehow mesh perfectly against his own. L's breathing was heavy against Light's mouth, his cheek, long strands of raven fringe brushing tingles against his skin. L kept their hands locked above Light's head, pressing the boy beneath him deeper into the mattress until Light's legs parted for him to rest in-between, and his eyes still held Light's; watching every twitch of expression, every quiver of skin and parted lips, every gentle gasp and still searching..

"Light-kun.. keep your eyes open. I want you to watch me."

L was always looking for something behind his eyes. Somehow, Light didn't think it was Kira anymore.


a/n: This is my first attempt at writing memory-loss-innocent!Light. It was very interesting to do. Also my first attempt at seme!L (although you don't really get to see him in action.. sorry about that). This just came to me when I was randomly thinking about eyes and how they can tell you a lot about a person, and then I thought of Light's eyes: and the significant change you see when he loses his memories. Feedback is greatly welcomed and appreciated. :)

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