Worst Solution Ever

BY : sashocirrione
Category: Death Note > General
Dragon prints: 1535
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

CHAPTER 10 of "Smutty Shorts"

Title: "Worst Solution Ever"

Author: Sashocirrione

Spoilers: Spoilers for up to the middle point of the Yotsuba arc.

Warnings: NO UNDERAGE READERS. Rated T for a reason. Sexually-themed discussion.

Summary: L thinks of a solution to the strain of being in 24/7 close proximity to Light.

Pairing: None, although various OC pairings are implied

Additional Notes: All canon events have happened as normal.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.

It was not quite as difficult to be on the end of a chain as Light had supposed it might be. At first, everything was surprisingly normal and comfortable. L had already thought of a number of ingenious ways to make the experience more tolerable, and Light approved, well, of everything that L actually said. It was all rather the way Light would think of arranging things himself, if he had been in charge of how to live chained to another person.

There was also the presumed matter of what L didn't say.

Once L had finished describing to Light every last detail of how the living situation would be handled, from meals to sleeping to bathing, he stopped rather suddenly, so suddenly that Light thought L must have left something unsaid in front of the others. The unspoken detail or details gnawed at his mind, but L simply would not succumb to any of the tricks Light used and remained tight-lipped.

Late at night, that was when L brought up the topic again, when L had finally gone to bed and Light was almost ready to drift off to sleep, in a half-aware state of glancing over occasionally to see a wide-eyed L crouched on the bed, knees to his chest, a finger in his mouth as he stared upward.

"Let me apologize in advance," L said, "but I must be absolutely frank with you. When you were under surveillance in your house for five days, I observed that you never masturbated."

Light choked slightly and thought about whether ignoring the implied question would cause it to go away.

Probably not.

After a pause, L continued with, "I also observed that you never masturbated when in confinement for fifty days, though perhaps that would be due to having your hands restrained behind your back. What I must know now is whether I need to make any special arrangements for your sexual needs."

"No, I'm fine," Light quickly said, "I don't masturbate."

L shuffled slightly in place and said, "I don't masturbate either. It's a rather over-rated activity, I think."

Good! Now this won't be a problem and he'll never bring up the topic again.

Light had a rather disturbing image in his mind, of L and the task force (except his father who would certainly turn away) watching him on the monitors while he performed in a "private" room that was anything but truly private.

He banished the image and resolved to go to sleep.

Just then, L said, "I find that I can only get satisfaction from actual sex. In order to keep my mind undistracted and at an optimal level for functioning, I will be receiving a prostitute each Tuesday and Saturday. You don't need to watch, but I must continue to watch you regardless of what I'm doing, so I will position you in such a way that you'll be in view at all times."

Worst solution ever!

Light groaned into the pillow incoherently, trying to think of some objection that would actually make sense to the socially-inept detective.

L absently scratched at the back of his neck, and in a near-monotone said, "If that makes you too aroused, you'll have to purchase your own prostitutes. I don't want to share mine at all. That would be very... unhygienic."

A/N (Author's Note):

This is a tiny little fic that just kind of popped into my mind, so I wrote it and uploaded it to my "Smutty Shorts" collection, since it's only a scene and doesn't stand by itself very well. It's not a kink meme fill, and it does sort of relate to the same idea as I've expressed it in "The Visitor" but it's not meant to be part of the same continuity as that fanfic.

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