Adult-FanFiction.org : Anime

Enlightenment	By : flamingice_28 Category: Gensomaden Saiyuki > Yaoi - Male/Male > Sanzo/Hakkai Views: 1236 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki or any of the characters. No money is also being made from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Enlightenment
- 1
Hey guys! Some of you might have come across my stories on livejournal but I’m moving them here as well. This is a ‘Just in case’!

Enlightenment
Warm green healing chi hovered over the priest’s pale form.
It slowly healed his visible wounds, closing them, stopping the frightening amount of blood flowing out of his body.
Claw marks, stab wounds and cuts closed one by one.
Previously white robes were drenched in blood.
Too much of blood…
Hakkai clenched his teeth. Even as he sat back from healing the monk, he still felt a startling amount of fear that Sanzo might not wake up from this one.
Beside him, Goku collapsed on the ground, face pale with both worry and pain as he eyed Sanzo. The mere thought of anything happening to Sanzo frightened him but he remembered Hakkai’s words to be strong. So he harshly forced back the tears that were threatening to form from his eyes and stared at Sanzo, willing him to wake up and start yelling, or hitting or cursing…anything as long as he wakes up.
Gojyo only tightened his grip on his shakujo. He had not expected that at all. For everything the monk was, he never thought the monk would cover for him till that extend. Worse, he expected the monk to simply let him be. Even though Gojyo had not let it on, he was still a touch sore after the whole Hazel episode. And now…it was somehow repeating…repeating with a new twist. They could get Sanzo back then…Could they get him back now?
“We have to get back to the inn,” Hakkai said quietly, his voice hinting at exhaustion. “They would have a better doctor there.”
“Hakkai?” Goku asked the unasked question quietly as he knelt over Sanzo, his fingers ghosting over Sanzo’s blonde locks.
He wanted very much to assure the younger man. He wanted very much to convince himself but he didn’t have the strength and he didn’t have the courage to lie. So he didn’t answer Goku but looked pleadingly into the youngest member of their, imploring him to understand his fear, his uncertainties.
Goku nodded and helped him carry Sanzo carefully and place him in the jeep. Together, they rode back in silence.
A few moments earlier…
“Sanzo…”
Twitch.
“Sanzo…”
Twitch.
“SANZO!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Whack! Whack!
“Ouch! What was that for?”
“Would you just shut the hell up?!” Sanzo growled as he slipped his harisen into his robes and turned to sit back properly.
“But Sanzo….!” Goku whined pathetically. “I’m hungry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Sanzo twitched and hmpped. He resolutely ignored the monkey hoping that that will shut him up.
No such luck.
He should have known.
“Sanzo, I’m hungry! I’m dying of starvation!!!!!!!!!!!” Goku wailed much to Hakkai’s amusement and Gojyo’s annoyance.
“Ooi! Shut up, you stupid monkey! You won’t die of starvation. You can’t last without food for a few more days!”
“You shut up! And don’t call me a monkey, you erokappa!”
“What did you call me, you chimp?”
Twitch.
“Who are you calling a chimp, you dumb water sprite?”
Twitch.
“Who are you calling dumb, you stomach thinking monkey?”
Twitch. Twitch. Nerve popping.
“Who are you calling a monkey, you pervert?”
Twitch. Twitch.
“Yare. Yare.”
“Huh! I’m calling you a monkey and I am a pervert. You lose,” Gojyo laughed as he sprawled in the backseat, kicking Goku in the gut. Goku yelped and kicked Gojyo causing a ruckus at the backseat as Sanzo tried – as much as possible – to reign his anger and failed. Whipping out his gun, he fired five successive rounds to the back without even turning his head, nearly hitting his two intended victims.
“SHUT UP!”
“You freaking monk, watch where you’re pointing that darn thing!” Gojyo yelled as he avoided the stream of bullets whizzing past him.
“Sanzo! No fair!”
“I said SHUT UP or do you want another bullet in your empty skulls!”
The silence at the back was instant.
Gojyo and Goku settled down, pouting and sulking as they glared at each other. Hakkai smiled his usual sunny smile and watched Sanzo settle down beside him.
The last rays of the sun caught on the priest’s hair making it shine like forbidden gold. Hakkai tried hard not to stare and wished suddenly that Gojyo and Goku would make some sort of noise to distract him.
Or distract Sanzo so he could go back to staring at him without being caught.
It took Hakkai some time but he realised something rather troubling when the unfortunate incident with Hazel happened.
He was in love with a certain blonde monk.
He didn’t know when it really started or for how long he had been in love with Sanzo. He didn’t know what triggered it or whether he was even happy with how things turned out. But Hakkai knew one thing: Sanzo would kill him if he found out.
Unlike the others, he had not expected the way Sanzo left them or the way they left him to affect him in any way. Sure, he had been really angry and all but beneath all that…he couldn’t function. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t feel. His mind kept going back to Sanzo. His heart kept screaming at him to go back to the monk, to drag him back. His head too was being a bit irrational. It was very irritating. It was also very enlightening.
As he drove, the light squabbles from behind starting once more and the monk beside him twitching again, Hakkai wished the trip would never end so he could savour these moments until he was drunk with them.
Ahead he saw the happenings of a town and glad for a warm bed and bath, he started to step on the accelerator when a bunch of unwanted visitors dropped by. Hakkai sighed. Sanzo frowned. Goku glowed. Gojyo grumbled.
“I suppose we should finish this fast if we want a warm bed and bath?” Hakkai said with a deceiving smile, his hand petting Hakuryu that instantly transformed once they have all got out.
“Can we get food?” Goku asked excitedly.
Hakkai smiled. “Hai, Goku. We can get food.”
“Yosh! Then, let’s finish this up!”
They didn’t bother listening to the same old lines. Sanzo – sutra – death.
Predictable.
The fight however was more intense. The demons had managed to separate the ikkou to four groups, each fighting for themselves. No matter how hard the ikkou fought, they kept on coming. Even as Hakkai threw another chi blast, his eyes caught the red stains on Sanzo’s robe and growled. Ever since he realised his feelings, he had a hard time keeping away from Sanzo mainly from battles and hated it when the blonde got hurt. The uncouth priest was definitely still human and his healing rates were different from that of a youkai.
Concentrating on his fight and angling to reach Sanzo, Hakkai turned back to his fight, throwing another blast of chi to the demons circling him from behind.
Goku was having too much fun beating up the possessed demons to worry about anything else. The cuts he received were barely worth his attention as he focused his energy on getting out alive.

Gojyo was doing the same.
Sanzo, on the other hand, was struggling. His wounds from his battle with Hazel had still not healed well. He had lost a lot of blood then and had not recovered a 100 percent. The speed of his shots has slowed and his aim was a bit unsteady. The number of youkai around him had increased tremendously. Gritting his teeth, he tried to buy himself sometime to chant his sutra but couldn’t find any gap. Sanzo growled and decided to try something new. One hand on his gun, the other poised to chant, he chanted the words he knew in his sleep, trying hard to concentrate. Still, it was no use. The distractions were too many. By now, he was soaked in his own blood, new wounds mingling with old ones making it harder for him to concentrate.

Just as he cleared half of the demons in his path, Hakkai joined him and Sanzo felt instantly relieved. He did not know how long he could last and definitely needed all the help he could get. From afar, he saw as the leader of this band of youkai snarl menacingly and join his followers.
“We need to stick together,” Sanzo yelled at Hakkai, who nodded understandingly. His emerald orbs glanced worriedly at Sanzo but the blonde monk ignored him. This was not a time for weakness.
They made their way towards Gojyo, who was nearer to them. As they got nearer, Sanzo noticed the leader advancing on the distracted kappa. He yelled at Gojyo, trying to get his attention.

Gojyo turned towards Sanzo and then everything happened too fast. Just as he was about to yell at the monk for distracting him, he saw – in slow motion – long claws dashing towards him and then a flash of white. Sharp claws penetrated through Sanzo’s body. Before him, the leader vanished like the others as Sanzo’s bullet pass through his skull. The claws disappeared and the monk fell on the ground.
Horrified, Goku screamed as he slashed through the remaining demons and rushed towards Sanzo. Red eyes widened and rushed towards the monk as he blindly beat up the rest. Terrified green eyes blasted a huge chi that cleared the remaining demons and ran to Sanzo.
There was so much blood. White robes had turned into startling red making Gojyo cringe at the sight and the meaning of it. Sanzo had taken a hit meant for him. He had not expected that at all.
Back to the present...
It has been about 9 days but the still body beneath the sheets did not give any indication of waking up. Twice, Hakkai had nearly lost Sanzo and the doctor in the village helped him stabilize the blonde. Twice, Hakkai found himself praying like he never prayed before for the gods to have mercy on him.
He just could not bear the idea of losing Sanzo before he could ever make his feelings clear whether the monk liked it or not. Losing Kanan had nearly killed him once but losing Sanzo was something he realised would destroy him in a heartbeat. There are after all worse things than death.
Goku had sat at the corner of the room just across Sanzo, watching the pale man’s breathing closely as if he willed Sanzo to keep on breathing. Nothing Hakkai or Gojyo said could move him away. He barely ate and slept with his head resting on the bed close to Sanzo.
Gojyo also didn’t leave the inn. He might have fought all the time with Sanzo but he did care for the stubborn monk. The whole Hazel incident proved it beyond any doubt.
What was it that made this attack different? He wondered as he blew out a trail of smoke, watching the moon from the balcony. Why was this attack so different? It was too soon after the incident with Hazel. Sanzo might have acted tough but he knew that the priest was troubled and wounded. Hakkai might have been able to close his wounds but even then, Sanzo’s healing rate was different.
Gojyo sighed and smiled humourously. How had one prissy monk managed to affect them all so much?

More importantly, how was Hakkai going to face this? He was not dumb. He knew his friend close enough to realise that Hakkai was in love with Sanzo. It came as a shock to him at first and then he realised that the feelings were there all along. It was just that Hakkai had been too slow to recognise it or just didn’t act on it.
What about now? What about after this incident?
Red eyes shut itself from the moon as Gojyo leaned back on the wall, cigarette dangling from him lips. This situation really sucked.
XXX
Blood...
So much blood...
A body lying in a pool of blood...
A child covered with blood...
Empty eyes looking up in hopelessness and helplessness...
Master...
Kouryuu...
Violet eyes snapped open but the figure didn’t move. His harsh breathing returned to normal and he took in deep breaths to steady himself and pull away from the effects of the nightmare. Silence filled the air and he kept still, feeling his surrounding and nearly sighed with relieve to find no one around him.

Unsteady hand reached up to brush his bangs away from his eyes.
‘What happened...?’ Sanzo thought, his memory disorganized, making him feel out of it for a moment until he remembered the attack and the demon.
‘Stupid kappa! Never could look after himself...Why did I do that?’ Sanzo wondered as he stared unblinking at the ceiling. He lowered his hand with slight difficulty, the loss of blood making him dizzy.
Master...
‘Can’t believe I’d rather die than see him dead. Must have gotten too bloody attached to these idiots...Che!’
He was tired once more and he closed his eyes, resigned that he could barely move. Violets eyes were curtained again just as the door opened to reveal a pair of tired emerald orbs.

Hakkai looked at the unmoving figure, a hint of frustration lurking in his head. He sat back beside Sanzo and saw the pale man sweating slightly. He took the cloth he left beside the basin and used it wipe Sanzo dry. Just then, Goku and Gojyo entered, watching the monk, an instant look of dejection on both their faces.
“He’s still not up, Hakkai?” Goku asked as he sat on the edge of the bed, his hand curled around Sanzo’s, keeping a firm grip on the weaker hand. Hakkai shook his head and sighed. He looked at the tired and frightened golden orbs and gave him his best reassuring smile.
“He’s out of the worst of it, Goku. He should be back soon.”
“Tsk. Damn monk better get his prissy ask back real soon. I’m getting tired of all this moping around already!” Gojyo said off-handedly, trying to lighten the tense atmosphere.
“Don’t talk like that!” Goku cried out in dismay. “He got into this because of you after all!”
“I didn’t ask him to. He shoulda just mind he’s own freaking business. Fucking monk and his busybody attitude,” Gojyo shot back as he clenched that sickening feeling that he was the reason for all this mess. But damn it! It wasn’t his fault, was it?
“Now, now. We shouldn’t make much noise. Sanzo needs to rest,” Hakkai interfered instantly, a warning look in his eyes that was meant to keep them both quiet.
“Che, like I can get any in this damn noisy room!”
Instant silence.
Three pairs of eyes turned go the bed where a certain blonde priest had opened his eyes, staring at them. For awhile no one said a word. They couldn’t. All the waiting, the fear, the tension just suddenly seem to slip away as though it was never there in the first place. Sanzo was the first one to break the spell.
“Damn it! I need a fucking smoke!”
“Sanzo!”
Tears that had long been kept in check flowed freely as Goku threw himself at the shocked monk, his arms wrapped around the thinner figure possessively. Sanzo clenched his jaw against the sudden attack and pain he felt but he didn’t push Goku away. Not that he could. Instead, he allowed the younger boy to cry on his shoulder. Despite the energy it needed to life his arm, Sanzo placed it Goku’s head, fingers gently caressing the trembling boy.
“What the hell are you doing, Goku?” he asked harshly, more towards the fact he couldn’t really breathe than anything else.
Goku shook his head, his utter relieve that Sanzo was fine made him unable to say a word. He only cried on Sanzo’s shoulder, holding him tightly, his senses hearing the heartbeat he relied on for his sanity.
Across them, Hakkai and Gojyo only watched the affectionate display that Sanzo had especially for Goku. Although he never verbalized his care for Goku, Sanzo showed it in small ways. That, Hakkai thought with a happy sigh, was another reason he was in love with this untouchable monk.
“Well,” Gojyo drawled out, catching Sanzo’s eyes. “Finally awake, sleeping beauty. I thought I needed to give you a kiss from the charming prince to get rid of the spell.”
“Che, you come anywhere near me and you’ll get a bullet in that empty skull of yours, erokappa!”

Gojyo laughed easily, the sound of it sounded foreign even to his own ears. He watched the monk and grinned. It was good to be back in synch.
“Next time, take care of your own ass. I know how to take care of mine. Or maybe you want me to care of yours?” Gojyo said with a wriggle of his eyebrows. Sanzo glared.
“This will teach me lesson to actually bother about you. Che, next time you are too careless to watch your ass, I’ll just stay away and watch. They would be doing us all a favour anyway.”
“Bloody monk!”
“Perverted cockroach!”
“Yeah and proud of it!”
“Che, I knew you were proud to be a cockroach. Don’t have to fucking tell me that,” Sanzo said with a smirk.
“What the hell did you say?!”
“Maa, maa, isn’t this just lively. We’re all really happy you came back from the dead, Sanzo.

It’s nice for you to complete your visit so soon.”
Sanzo glared at the smiling brunette and focused on the now composed monkey wrapped around him.
“Ooi, Goku,” Sanzo said quietly.
Goku looked up expectantly, his eyes shining with the aftermath of tears.
“Get off of me!”
“But Sanzo...!” Goku muttered feeling hurt that Sanzo wanted to get rid of him already.
Ignoring that look, Sanzo glared at him. “I can’t breathe, you stupid monkey!”
Understanding dawned and the monkey got off him quickly. He grinned sheepishly and then laughed

in delight.
“I’m glad you’re alright, Sanzo! We waited for so long for you to wake up!”
Confusion spread in those eyes as it finally landed on Hakkai, making the healer a bit weak in the knees.
“How long was I out?”
Hakkai put on his fake smile, hiding the helplessness he had felt. “To date, 9 days.”
Shock made violet eyes widen before settling back to their normal passiveness. “Che, wasted too much time.”
Hakkai wondered as Sanzo closed his eyes to sleep, if the blonde even knew a fraction of what had he or the others felt during the 9 days. Even as he approached to change the cloth, he thought Sanzo wasn’t taking this like he should be. Leaning closer to place the fresh cloth on Sanzo’s forehead, he was startled when fingers gripped his sleeve loosely.
“Sanzo,” he whispered softly.
“Thank you,” came the extremely quiet reply that made Hakkai gasp.
Of all the things he had expected, that was not it.
A smile donned his face and he turned and went to prepare breakfast.
In the blessed silence, Sanzo opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling with conflicting emotions of fear and confusion.
He wondered if the memories in his head were false or some sick joke.
He wondered if he just imagined Hakkai kissing his eyes and cheeks.
He wondered if he only imagined Hakkai’s tears on his skin.
He wondered if he merely thought that Hakkai had told him over and over again that he loved him.
He wondered because he knew he would never get the nerve or courage to ask as he did not know

which answer would please him more.
The fact that Hakkai never did that or the fact that Hakkai definitely did that.
XXX
It was exactly three days later that Hakkai snapped. He had not expected to. He had seriously thought he had everything under control. His desire for Sanzo was something he had made sure no one else realised. And somehow, ironically, it was the monk that made him snap.
Sanzo was just simply being stubborn once more. He refused to eat much, claiming his appetite was pretty much non-existent. He demanded that Hakkai pack everything up and get ready to leave.
Yeah, right Hakkai was going to do that.
The blonde was going to learn a lesson and it was called ‘taking care of your health’. It was, Hakkai thought much later, rather regrettable that Goku and Gojyo had not been around because they would have been able to stop him when he couldn’t stop himself.
Hakkai had gone in as usual to check on their grumpy leader only to find the plate of food barely touched and Sanzo sitting on the window sill, smoking.
Smoking of all things!
“Sanzo, you barely touched your dinner,” Hakkai said, a painfully fake smile on his face as he looked at the man he had fallen for.
The last rays of the sun danced on Sanzo’s features making him glow like an angel. Hakkai only realised he wasn’t breathing when his lungs cried out for air. Taking in a deep breath, he focused on getting Sanzo to eat.
“Hn. Not hungry.”
Hakkai fisted his hands angrily. Didn’t the blonde know that he was worrying everyone with his attitude? Didn’t he know that he was only punishing his body when the vessel needed so much of rest? Their journey was getting harder not easier and this new turn of events just showed how much harder it could get.
“Sanzo, you have got to eat! Your body needs rest and for the love of everything good, would you just stop smoking!” Hakkai barely yelled but the frustration in his voice and the seriousness of his tone got Sanzo’s attention.
“Beat it, Hakkai. Leave me alone. I’m fine already. We will leave tomorrow,” Sanzo said off-handedly but with a tone so final that meant he was not taking ‘no’ for an answer.
Unfortunately, Sanzo just didn’t realise how wrong he was.
Hakkai stood silently, his mind suddenly blank from all rational thoughts. Instead, in his head he saw Sanzo trying hard to remain standing as Hazel kept shooting at him. He saw Sanzo trying to keep his concentration when battling with the group of youkai. He saw Sanzo shielding Gojyo’s body. He saw blood. He saw how close to death Sanzo was.
And now...
He saw an extremely stubborn blonde monk who just needs to be shown how idiotic he was.
“So...you think you are strong enough to travel, do you?”
Something in Hakkai’s voice, a dark edge to it that Sanzo had never heard made him look at the healer, questions in his eyes. Hakkai’s hard emerald orbs rose to capture careless amethyst eyes, which suddenly turned alert.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Hakkai? I’m fine already. We’ve lost enough time. We need to get back on the road,” Sanzo said, finality in his tone as he looked away, dismissing Hakkai with the careless tilt of his head. A tilt, the darker side of the healer thought, that exposed his long slender neck.
A growl was all the warning Sanzo got as Hakkai snatched his wrist and threw the blonde on the bed. A wave of dizziness passed through Sanzo before his head cleared but by then, he was pinned on the bed by the taller man. Sanzo’s eyes widen just the slightest before narrowing in anger.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, you bastard? Let go of me, right now!” Sanzo demanded, trying to tug his wrists from the youkai’s stronger hands.
Hakkai didn’t say a word, merely looked at Sanzo with a blank face.
“Didn’t you say you are capable of travelling? That would mean you are capable of handling more crazy demons coming for your life. So I’m sure you are more than capable of getting me off you or at least...getting your gun?”
Sanzo narrowed his eyes and tried twisting his way out of Hakkai’s firm grip. Even now, Sanzo noticed in some corner of his mind that Hakkai’s grip was just firm and not painful. However, the blonde also realised that all his twisting was no use. His body was still too weak from the lack of blood and nutrition. Glaring at the brunette, he growled.
“If I reach that gun, you’re a dead man, Cho Hakkai!”
“Then,” Hakkai said with a smile than Sanzo could only categorise as sinister, “I better make sure you don’t reach it, right?”
He easily pinned Sanzo’s trashing feet with his own and leaned closer towards the blonde, his sense of smell spiked with the unique smell of Sanzo. He leaned even closer, burying his head at Sanzo’s neck. This caused a large amount of warning bells to go of simultaneously in Sanzo’s head.
“Hakkai!” Sanzo grittered out warningly, “Don’t you dare!”
What was it with challenges that just made you scream to answer them, Hakkai wondered as his mind just shut down from all rational thoughts. He had only wanted to show Sanzo how helpless the man really was but instead he found himself painfully aroused as the object of his desire twisted and turned beneath him. The beauty of the man below him added with the constant contact of both their bodies made him ache with need, with desire.
Throwing all caution to the wind, Hakkai groaned as he leaned in and caught Sanzo’s lips in a searing kiss. The monk went still beneath him, his eyes wide and Hakkai was surprised to catch just a touch of fear in them. He desperately ignored it for a while, instead, and focused on kissing Sanzo.
Sanzo’s lips were surprisingly soft for a man who only knew how to curse day in and day out. His lips were warm and soft and unexpectedly sweet despite the taste of cigarettes. Hakkai found he liked the taste of cigarettes on Sanzo’s lips. Even then, his brain just stopped functioning. Hakkai just...took. He could feel the blonde trembling beneath him and pressed closer, his arousal obvious to the both of them. Hakkai nipped sharply on Sanzo’s lips making the monk gasp at the sudden pain and slipped his tongue inside to taste the forbidden fruit.
Despite the fact that part of him enjoyed Hakkai’s kiss, a major part of Sanzo was just plain terrified. His mind raced back to his childhood when he had first ventured out from the temple after Koumyou Sanzo’s death. Back then, he was pinned too. Back then, he felt fear so great he finally worked to get rid of it.
It was happening again. Only, he had not expected that Hakkai would be so bold. Whatever he was feeling, fear was the strongest. And fear was one of the feelings that Sanzo hated with passion. He struggled once more against Hakkai and finally pulled away from the healer.
Just as Hakkai buried his head on Sanzo’s neck again, Sanzo decided pride was not as important as getting out of this mess. Even now, he knew that he was going to be plagued with nightmares as the incident stirred up bad memories.
“Hakkai! Don’t...please,” Sanzo gasped out, pleading almost too softly to be heard and cursing himself for being too weak to protect himself.
Hakkai’s body stilled above him. And just like that, sense snapped back into Hakkai. As though being near Sanzo burned him, he jumped away, his eyes wide and back to their normalcy. Guilty green eyes took in the appearance of their leader and wondered how the hell he had gotten so out of hand. He was only supposed to pin Sanzo to the bed...and that’s it. Now he sat back and he took in the trembling form of the blonde man before him.
Suddenly, Sanzo seemed so much smaller and so much more fragile than Hakkai remembered.
“Sanzo...”
“Get out.”
The order lacked its usual forcefulness. Just a moment, Hakkai thought he glimpsed a touch of fear in those amethyst pools he loved so much. Getting up, he walked towards the door knowing very well, he had to leave.
His hand paused on the knob.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It won’t happen again.”
“Just...get out.”
Hakkai walked out without another word and closed the door silently behind him. He disappeared into his room and locked his door before sliding down, leaning on the door.
What the hell did he just do? Why did he do it? How could he face Sanzo now?
Oh gods, he would have raped Sanzo if the note of fear in Sanzo’s voice didn’t register in his brains!
How different would that make him from the monsters that took Kanan?
These bloodied hands...nearly caused him to hurt the one person he loved after Kanan.
Covering his face with his hands, he felt the first wave of tears come over him and he cried.
XXX
It took Hakkai nearly 3 more days before he got the courage to face Sanzo once more. Gojyo had sensed something wrong but he couldn’t get Hakkai to spill it. Hakkai stubbornly refused to say a word but kept thinking of how he was going to solve this little...misunderstanding between him and Sanzo.
Yeah, right.
Little misunderstanding. What a joke!
If Sanzo even let him anyway near him, it would be considered a miracle.
More importantly, Hakkai thought as he gave the door a sharp knock, he felt guilty for the fear he saw behind Sanzo’s eyes and heard in his voice. Sanzo never begged and since he did, Hakkai must have crossed some serious borders that night.
For a moment, there was no sound at all. Then the door swung open. Sanzo stood at the door, his eyes oddly blank as he looked at Hakkai.
“What do you want?” he asked, his voice cold, clipped and detached. Hakkai didn’t like the sound of it at all.
“I...we need to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk with you. You wanted me to rest, I’m resting. Get lost,” Sanzo said coldly as he tried to shut the door but Hakkai was faster. He caught the door and held it, looking directly at Sanzo.
“Please...”
Sanzo stared at those green pools that were begging him for a chance and harshly fought off the nausea that threaten to burst free. He had thrown up after Hakkai left – not because of the healer but because of the ghosts of his past. Ghosts that he thought he had buried. For three nights he had been unable to close his eyes, the memories of that night flashing back with clarity. Even as he moved aside to let Hakkai walk in, he realised that that night was a disaster as he was consumed by the feeling of helplessness under a man. And the fact that he was just slightly turned on by the whole thing just alarmed him.
“If you do anything, I’ll shoot you,” he warned the youkai and deliberately left the door unlocked, something Hakkai took notice of but didn’t say a word although it stung. He tried to focus instead on apologising and realised that he didn’t know where and how to begin.
Sanzo watched Hakkai fidget in his seat and decided to get it over with. “I know what you are going to do, so I will save you your effort, my time and yours. You are just going to beg for forgiveness, claiming you didn’t know what the hell had gotten into you, lost your perspective, blah blah blah. I’m going to say ‘I don’t bloody care. Like hell I’ll forgive you and get out right this instance before I put in holes in your head.’ I think that about covers it up.”
Hakkai couldn’t believe he burst out laughing at that. He knew Sanzo didn’t mean it to be funny. It was just...well, Sanzo kind of got it straight on. He didn’t know he was so predictable, but then he wasn’t predictable that night, was he?
“What the fuck are you laughing about?” Sanzo demanded, his eyes blazing with anger. Somehow, Hakkai preferred that than the cold fury and that sent him off again in fits of laughter.
“You damn bastard!” Sanzo hissed. “You thought it was funny?”
This time, Hakkai stopped laughing. One, because what happened that night wasn’t funny. Two...well, a gun aimed at anyone’s head is really nothing to be laughing about.
“I’m sorry. I wasn’t laughing at you. I was just laughing about the situation in general...not about me forcing myself on you...that wasn’t funny. It’s just that you know me so well but you still didn’t expect me to do that,” Hakkai explained, keeping his eyes on Sanzo. “I prefer this heat than your cold, Sanzo. It is much less terrifying.”
The blonde lowered the gun, mostly because it was taking too much energy, and watched the brunette.
Hakkai sighed. “There is one thing about all of this that you missed so I better just tell you. I’m in love with you.”
Clang.
Hakkai looked at the gun that lay on the floor and then, he turned his gaze towards the shock monk standing opposite him, a petrified look on his face. Instead of feeling amused at the not-so-Sanzo-like look, Hakkai felt his heart crack at the first stirrings of disappointment.
So Sanzo didn’t feel the same way.
He should have known. He should not have placed his hopes on the monk but damn it! He loved him. He was obsessed and extremely possessive over Sanzo.
So, it wasn’t a dream after all! Sanzo thought as he tried to grab his scattered brains. He leaned down with a curse and picked up his gun before settling down on the bed.
“So was that how you show your love?” Sanzo asked, a tad sarcastically as he watched Hakkai.
The youkai shook his head. “No. I’m sorry about that. I only wanted to restrain you...show you that you are too stubborn for your own good...No. Again, I’m lying. I needed some sort of contact with you, Sanzo. I kept seeing you, covered in blood and I needed to touch you...to know you were alive. I’m sorry. Things got out of hand. I suppose things would get out of hand when you are lying on the person you love. I really couldn’t control myself. I won’t lie to you, Sanzo. I wanted you that night. I wanted you...but not like that. I would prefer it if you were willing. Like I said, that night was a mistake.”
He looked down, his memory travelling to his last day as a human. He hadn’t been able to touch her. That had been his deepest regret. He could not reach out and touch her. So he touched Sanzo because he didn’t want that mistake repeated.
“You’re one messed up demon, Hakkai.” The quietness in Sanzo’s voice made Hakkai look up and he smiled brightly, a smile so fake Sanzo’s eyes hurt from looking at it.
“What the hell are you expecting me to say? Do you want me to say that I feel the same way?” Sanzo asked furiously, masking his confusion and fear with anger.
Hakkai just smiled. “That would be nice but I think I kind of guessed that you wouldn’t be able to return my feelings. Unrequited love is a sweet pain by itself.”
“Damn you! You should have just kept all this sentimental crap to yourself until the mission was over and even after that. Shit! What the hell are we suppose to do?” Sanzo bit out more concerned about what he was supposed to do now.
Emerald orbs looked at him gently. “I was afraid it would be too late. We live like every day is our last. I didn’t you or I to die without you knowing how I felt. This wasn’t how I envisioned confessing though,” Hakkai said, a touch of light humour laced to lighten the mood.
Sanzo shook his head. The man before him was truly an idiot. But then again, so was he. He, of all people, should know how close to death they lived. One day, they were here. The next day, who knows?
He had been thinking hard for these three peaceful days and came up to one answer. He liked Hakkai. He didn’t know if he loved the man but he liked him. Liked him enough that Hakkai was still sitting there, breathing instead of filled with holes. Others might not have been so lucky.
Hakkai got up, thinking of leaving when he saw Sanzo’s eyes staring at him. He wanted to say something, anything and realised he was close to begging Sanzo to giving him a chance...giving them a chance. But he bit his tongue and pursed his lips.
“I should go...I’m really sorry for everything, Sanzo.”
He wasn’t going to cry. At least not until he was in the safety of his room. He wasn’t going to do anything that would embarrass him and make Sanzo guilty.
He wasn’t.
“Hakkai...”
He stopped, his shattered heart trying hard not to hope as the voice of the man he loved sounded gentle, soft.
Sanzo stared at Hakkai, uncertain about what he should say and what he needed to say. But he knew, that among the three, Hakkai was the one he was the most relaxed with and the only one he could actually stand. Minus the latest incident, he really didn’t have any reason to hate the man.
“You startled me that night.”
Hakkai sucked in a deep breath. He turned and looked at Sanzo, noting that the amethyst eyes were no longer focused on him but on the window.
“Sanzo...?”
“Shut up and listen. I will only say this once,” Sanzo said furiously as he ran his fingers through his hair in desperation. Does he need to do this?
Yes. The answer was as simple as that.
The question why is more complex.
But the result was the same.
He liked Hakkai and he wanted Hakkai. He had always felt that way. Just how far deep his want ran, was something Sanzo didn’t know. It wasn’t physical, his need for Hakkai. It was more emotional and psychological. At least Hakkai needed to know that.
“You startled me. I don’t like feeling helpless, Hakkai and you made me feel helpless that night.”
Hakkai nodded but he knew Sanzo was planning to talk so he didn’t say he say the fear in Sanzo’s eyes. He wanted to know why Sanzo had been afraid, besides the fact he was pinned down. There was something deeper that caused that fear and Hakkai wanted to know what it was.
Sanzo found himself battling the need to just bottle it all up. It was easier to keep quiet but times like this made him feel irritated that he was not used to speaking his mind, leaving himself vulnerable.
“When I was thirteen, I was pinned down by some men and would have been raped by them,” Sanzo said quietly, quickly even as he shuddered at the memory. “That was why I reacted so...as such that night.”
Hakkai’s face paled as he realised the monsters of Sanzo’s past he had unleashed without meaning to. Reaching out, he placed a cautious hand on Sanzo’s shoulder, his heart twisting in pain when Sanzo flinched. But Sanzo held himself still, allowing Hakkai’s hand on his shoulder.
“I’m so sorry I opened up all wounds, Sanzo. I never meant to.”
Sanzo shrugged. Needing a cigarette, he moved away and picked up his packet. Lighting one, he sat again at the window and looked out. The second part, he realised was trickier.
“I...about your...confession, I...”
Hakkai shook his head. “It’s okay, Sanzo. You don’t have to feel obliged to return my feelings.”
Sanzo growled, a warning for Hakkai to shut up. Hakkai smartly did and just stood there, watching Sanzo and wondering if the moonlight could make him any more magnificent than he did at that moment. The moonlight caressed Sanzo’s golden locks, enhancing their beauty and reminding Hakkai just how soft those locks were under his fingers. The rays caressed Sanzo’s pale skin, making it shine. He could only liken Sanzo skin to alabaster. It was a thought that never crossed his mind until that very moment. And his eyes lingered on Sanzo’s lips, remembering their warmth and softness. Hakkai wondered, even as his breathing labored, if he could continue this journey without desiring for Sanzo.
Sadly, the answer was no.
Sanzo wondered if Hakkai knew he was being too obvious. He could still feel the weight of Hakkai’s gaze on his body and his body tingled with pleasant shivers crawling all over his skin. Fear had long been replaced with desire. But that desire was only apparent when Hakkai was not pining him down. Sanzo sighed silently. Things are way too complicated. No wonder monks were expected to be celibate. It made life a whole lot easier.
“I don’t know how exactly I feel about you.”
Hakkai snapped awake from his daydreaming and stared at Sanzo.
“What do you mean?” he asked cautiously, refusing to let his hopes soar too high.
“I...I like you. I like being around you. You don’t annoy me and minus this incident, I don’t have a reason to just shoot you.”
Hakkai laughed lightly. “That’s comforting to know,” he said and kept quiet when Sanzo glared at him.
“I didn’t dislike it when you...ah...kissed me,” Sanzo said quietly, an adorable blush staining his cheeks.
Hakkai’s eye widened instantly. His heart beat increased rapidly and was beating so loud he wondered if Sanzo could hear it. His eyes took in Sanzo’s flushed face and he locked it in his memory.
Was this real? Is this really happening?
“Yeah, it’s real.”
Damn it! He had spoken out loud. Flushed with embarrassment, Hakkai looked at the object of his longing.
“Sanzo...please don’t toy with me.”
Sanzo frowned. “Why the hell would I do that? But I am warning you, Hakkai. I like you. End of story. I don’t know if I love you. I don’t know if I can or if it’s wise to do so. When I am with you, you make me feel relaxed. I like that. I don’t want to lose that. This journey is twisted enough.”
Hakkai nodded, a real smile on his face, bright and happy. “Thank you, Sanzo. We will start with that. I am sure, we can start with ‘like’ and work our way up to ‘love’.”
Sanzo snorted but couldn’t quite help the tiny smile that formed. He was once again startled when Hakkai approached him. Hakkai raised his hands to placate him.
“I won’t force you again. I’m sorry I ever did that.”
Sanzo nodded, his eyes watching the brunette, full of questions.
Hakkai wondered if Sanzo had ever looked so vulnerable before in his life and stored the sight once more in his memory.
“Since we are...in a sense...in a certain, relationship, now, can I get a goodnight kiss? Just a kiss,” Hakkai reassured as Sanzo looked at him uncertainly. “Just a kiss. Nothing more...” for now, he thought wickedly.
Sanzo looked uncertain but then, he nodded his head. He did like it when Hakkai kissed him. It had been a wonderful sensation although fear overruled it. He wondered how it would like without the fear.
Hakkai had always been cunning and manipulative. Only an idiot would think otherwise. So it both didn’t surprise Sanzo and infuriated him when Hakkai just slid an arm around Sanzo, pulling the smaller man away from the window and slid his body against Hakkai’s tightly so that their bodies were moulded together. How they fit was a mystery Sanzo wasn’t interested in thinking at the moment. The sheer intimacy of the act, the erotic feel of their bodies pressed tightly together made Sanzo groan and his eyes glazed with pleasure.
He expected Hakkai to just...take as he did before. However, the brunette surprised him when he kissed him slowly, deeply and warmly. He didn’t nibble or nip. He just tasted. He tasted Sanzo as though the man’s lips were coated with chocolate. The heat that spread in Sanzo’s body was slow, simmering and overpowering. His senses were on high alert and he felt Hakkai pressing him even more impossibly closer. Hakkai slid a hand to hold Sanzo’s nape and then caressed the older man’s hair. The feel of soft silk between his fingers made him groan with a deep need.
Sanzo moaned against Hakkai as the taller man’s tongue traced his lips, begging for him to open his mouth. Sanzo obliged, parting his lips and moaned even more when Hakkai slid his tongue inside, tasting him. Unable to keep himself steady without any support, Sanzo lifted his arms and circled Hakkai’s neck, pulling their head closer and leaned in for more support. Hakkai hummed in approval.
Even then, Sanzo realised Hakkai didn’t push. Hakkai only explored Sanzo’s mouth, tasting but not taking. Not yet. There would be time for that later. With a satisfied groan, Hakkai eased back, lifted his head and stared into dark amethyst eyes. He felt a smug satisfaction in knowing this time, Sanzo’s flushed face, red and thoroughly kissed lips and dazed eyes were all his doing. He lightly kissed Sanzo’s lips once more, buried the desire to just drag him to bed and turned to leave.
His last view of Sanzo would also stay in his mind.
The moment the door closed, Sanzo slid down the floor and clutched his head in both confusion and embarrassment. He had never experienced such strong and overwhelming sensations in his life. Groaning, he pushed himself up and dropped into bed, hoping sleep would take him quickly.
It did.
And there were no nightmares to keep him awake.
Unknown to Sanzo, Hakkai had slipped back into the room and was sitting on the floor, his back to the door and his breathe was fast. He had not expected to kiss Sanzo like that. He only wanted to keep it light, to take it slow.
But nothing concerning Sanzo ever followed his plans. Sanzo’s reaction to his kiss was both arousing and surprising. He knew now, that beneath all that wall, was a man wanting to be touched and amazingly passionate. The idea that he could bring out that passion aroused him even more.
Hakkai sighed in contentment. He was definitely going to enjoy courting Sanzo. He flicked his tongue out, tasting the remnants of Sanzo on his lips. Oh yes, he was definitely going to enjoy courting Sanzo. Having felt his reaction and saw his dazed , almost dreamy expression had been so worthwhile. He could still taste Sanzo – strong, sweet and just like that night, a hint of cigarettes. If he had stayed one more minute instead of pulling away, he would have forgotten his promise and taken Sanzo right there on the floor.
Knowing that he was given the chance to love the man he had always dreamed of, Hakkai closed his eyes and purred in contently.
This was worth taking his time.
-Fin-
- 1
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Enlightenment