The Pros and Cons of Kirie Kojima

BY : EldritchSandwich
Category: +G to L > Girls Bravo
Dragon prints: 2328
Disclaimer: I do not own Girls Bravo or any of its characters, and I make no profit from this story.

A blood-curdling scream split the peaceful morning atmosphere of the Sasaki residence. A moment later, the bathroom door gave way under the weight of one Kazuharu Fukuyama, who promtly slammed headfirst into the opposite wall and slid down, legs spread on either side of his head. That gave him a perfect view of an exquisite pair of bare legs stepping out after him, though the body above them was unfortunately covered in a towel. He grinned uneasily.

"Now, darling, let's not do anything hasty..."

"Hasty?" Kirie screamed. "You were in the tub, you pervert! Where did you even get a snorkel?"

He shrugged casually, which was an impressive feat given that he was still upside down. "Well you know, Kirie, I'm actually quite interested in observing all sorts of marine wildlife..."

The brunette growled as he righted himself just in time for her arms to wrap over his neck and under his thigh. "Go observe them...IN HELL!"

The piledriver was textbook, and Fukuyama landed face-first in a substantial quantity of floor. Unfortunately, it also left Kirie lying on top of him, legs spread and towel falling open to give the first person who walked up the stairs a perfect view of her...oh shit.

"Oh, Miss Kirie!" Kosame's eyes were wide, shining with unshed tears of joy, and never going to move an inch, and her nose was bleeding like a particularly gruesome waterfall. "I've never been so happy in my entire life!"

As the normally quite professional and calculating bodyguard pounced between her legs, Kirie let out a shriek and crabwalked backward over Fukuyama's unconscious body as fast as she possibly could. When she stood up, she delivered herself right into a pair of arms that immediately began squeezing her bountiful breasts.

"Ooh, Kirie, I knew you'd come around..." Hijiri murmured, her grip tightening as Kirie tried to struggle, her lips descending to the brunette's neck and one of her hands trailing down to the bottom of the towel.

"No!" Kirie started to thrash. "No, get the hell off me!"

The click of a hammer drew both their attention. "Touch it and you're dead, bitch." Kosame's professional mask was back in place, but her cheeks were flushed. Kirie's eyes bugged out at the sight of the very large, very real gun she had leveled at them, and Kosame met them. "I promise I won't let her hurt you, Miss Kirie..."

Hijiri just laughed. "You don't scare me, little girl. I think we both know that Kirie needs a real woman..."

"Ladies, ladies..." Fukuyama's hand rose shakily from the floor. "If I might interject? It seems to me the only logical course of action is for the two of you to share her! Why, I'd even be willing to observe and make sure neither one of you takes more than your fair share! Say, one of you could start by squeezing those divine and overflowing breasts, while the other worked her tongue down toward the exquisitely perfect valley of her..."

"Oh, that is IT!" Kirie screamed. Hijiri gurgled in surprise as her hand snapped backward to wrap around her throat. "NO ONE! IS PUTTING THEIR TONGUE! ANYWHERE!"

Kosame gulped. "M...Miss Kirie?"

"Why don't you all just GO TO HELL!"

Fukuyama once again managed to stand up just in time for Kirie's wrath to hit him square in the face, this time in the form of a tumbling, shrieking Hijiri who sent both him and Kosame somersaulting down the stairs in a veritable avalanche of perverts.

This brought them directly into the path of the withering glare Tomoka was shooting at them from the table. "Would you cut it out! Some of us are trying to eat breakfast here."

Hayate just gave a disapproving frown of agreement from behind his tea. Koyomi said nothing.

When Kirie came down the stairs a minute later, she was wearing loose, comfortable working-out-or-at-the-very-least-trying-not-to-get-groped clothes. She tried to step over the pile of flesh, only for a hand, whose it was impossible to tell, to reach out and send her crashing to the floor. The vibration carried across the room, causing Tomoka's juice to splash onto her face just as she raised it to her lips.

"Rrr...that's it!" The tiny Bureau agent hopped to her feet, leveling a glare at a confused and scowling Kirie. "Why don't you just make up your mind already! At least Yukinari and all the crazy women after him aren't so violent! Just pick big brother Kazuharu, or the nice crazy lady, or the mean crazy lady, and start doing all that gross stuff you people do with your swimsuit parts so we can have some PEACE AND QUIET around here!"

Everyone assembled just watched in blinking shock as the little blonde marched over to the sliding glass door. "You know, it's such a nice day, I think I'll have my breakfast outside!"

When the door slammed behind her, Hayate and Koyomi, still watching mutely, turned their mute watching toward Kirie as she climbed to her feet.

"Miss Kirie," part of the pile mumbled, punch-drunk, behind her. "I saw beautiful..."

The pile's constituent parts were starting to rouse themselves, so Hayate cleared his throat. "Kosame. I'm certain Miss Kojima would appreciate it if you escorted Master Kazuharu and Miss Hijiri home."

Faster than the assembled spectators could see, Kosame was standing, pose straight and professional, with one of said perverts over each shoulder. "Of course. I'll be seeing you again, Miss Kirie..." Her gaze flitted down toward the brunette's crotch and she bit her lip. "So, so much..."

Kirie crossed her hands in front of her crotch as Kosame disappeared, the front door banging against the wall in her wake.

Kirie dropped down onto the couch with a groan of despair, head in her hands, fingers raking her still-wet hair. "What did I do to deserve this?"

Koyomi cleared her throat. "Well...there was all that time you spent beating up Yukinari even though he never deserved it."

Kirie groaned again, and Hayate stood. "If you'll excuse me, I should rendezvous with Kosame."

"Why is she like that?" Kirie asked from between her hands. "Fukuyama's a disgusting pervert, and Hijiri's a man-hating psycho, but how come Kosame seems perfectly functional except when she's around me?"

Hayate paused thoughtfully, considering perhaps whether Kirie was legitimately looking for an answer or just venting. When she looked up expectantly, he cleared his throat. "Well, while I can only guess...given the discipline and self-control Kosame displays in all other aspects of her life, perhaps her overt and offensive overtures toward you are a subconscious attempt to distance herself from you.

"Given your comparative youth and beauty, perhaps she's responded to your inevitable rejection of her by expressing her attraction through the most offensive methods available in order to convince herself that your rejection is only a rejection of her methods, not of her, and thus sustain the fantasy that she might be attractive to you under the right circumstances. Even if, subconsciously, she knows that fantasy to be false."

Kirie and Koyomi blinked, and Hayate shrugged, or as close as the stoic man came to a shrug. "Of course, it's only a guess."

He nodded, then slipped out while Kirie was petulantly crossing her arms. 'Inevitable?' 'Fantasy?' 'False?' Who the hell had decided that? Had anyone ever thought about actually asking her before...wait, what was she thinking? She didn't think about girls that way!

She looked up to find Koyomi watching her carefully, and jumped. "What?"

Koyomi frowned. "Sorry. I just...maybe Tomoka was right."

"What? About letting one of my three creepy sex-crazed stalkers win?"

Koyomi winced. "No, but...well, if you did have feelings for one of them, wouldn't it be better to know? I mean, think of how much worse thinks would be with Lisa and Yukina if Yukinari didn't know he loved Miharu."

"Yeah, but Miharu's nice to him! She's not trying to force herself on him!"

Koyomi giggled, a rare sound that make Kirie step up and take notice. "Well...except when she was using Fukuyama's book." Kirie scowled, and Koyomi picked up her tea. "I just might be worth thinking about."

Kirie dropped her head into her hands and groaned again.


"Okay! Let's look at this rationally! Three choices. You've got all the facts, so just pick one! Yeah..."

Kirie jumped as Koyomi stepped into the cool evening air, the sliding door admitting the sound of cheerful laughter before she shut it. "Kirie? Are you coming in? Miharu made a lot of food. Even for her."

Kirie shook her head. "Yeah, I'll be just a minute."

Koyomi quirked her head. "What's that?"

"Oh, nothing, it's just..." Kirike tried to conceal the piece of paper, then sighed and held it out instead. "It's a list."

Koyomi blinked as she picked it up.

"Fukuyama. Pros: guy. Occassionally nice when he's not being a dumbass. Cons: always being a dumbass. Huge pervert. Would definitely cheat on me.

"Kosame. Pros: only has eyes for me. Good fighter. Wants to protect me...first kiss. Cons: girl. Huge pervert (not as big as Fukuyama, and only about me).

"Hijiri. Pros: good fighter. Cons: Girl. Huge pervert (see above, Kosame). Stalked and kidnapped Miharu. Probably into weird shit in bed with..." Koyomi blushed. "...ropes and stuff. Also evil."

Koyomi licked her lips as Kirie stared sullenly out at the yard. "You're really hung up on this whole girl thing, huh?"

Kirie gave her an incredulous look as she sat down on the step next to her. "Well, yeah! How would you feel if all these women suddenly started throwing themselves at you?"

Koyomi blushed. "Well, um...relieved."

Kirie's eyes widened. "Wait...Koyomi, are you a..." Well shit, that explained a lot.

Koyomi pressed her lips together nervously. "I just think that...sometimes you can learn new things about yourself. You know?"

As she stood and opened the door again, she invited Kirie to come in for dinner one last time. Kirie just stared down at her list and frowned.


"Miharu, wait up!"

The pink-haired girl turned toward Kirie with a smile. "Hi! Are you going to come out with me and Yukinari after school?"

"Uh, maybe. Hey Miharu, can I ask you a question?"

"Yes, of course!"

The brunette cleared her throat. "Have you know, done stuff with a girl?"

Miharu blinked in confusion. "I do stuff with you and Koyomi and Tomoka all the time..."

"No! I know..." Kirie's cheeks her burning red. "Romantic...stuff. Kissing, or..."

Miharu blinked again, then her face brightened in understanding. "Oh! Well, of course!"

Now it was Kirie's turn to blink. "Wh...what?"

"Well, there are hardly any men on Seiren, so whenever we got lonely, we used to do that kind of stuff together all the time! Everybody makes such a big deal about it here on Earth, but no one even thinks about it on Seiren."

A shattered and disoriented Kirie was falling behind, so Miharu had to turn around to look at her, eyes wide with excitement. "Kirie, are you and Kosame finally doing that stuff together too?"

Kirie's red face went white. "Wh...what? Why would you...that's..."

Miharu shrugged. "Well, she really likes you. And after you kissed her at the fight I thought for sure you two would be in love."

"I didn't kiss her, she kissed me!" Kirie snapped just loud enough for everyone in the hallway around them to hear. The muttering began immediately.

"Did you hear that? Kirie Kojima kissed a girl!"

"I wonder who it was?"

"Do you think it was Miharu?"

"Idiot! She wouldn't have said it to Miharu if it was Miharu!"

"Maybe it was Lisa Fukuyama! That would be so hot..."

As Kirie stomped off in frustration, Miharu just blinked after her. She still didn't see what all the fuss was about.


By the time she'd disentangled herself from Miharu and Yukinari after school and disabused Fukuyama of the notion that 'I have something I need to do' meant him, Kirie's stomach was in knots. Stepping up in front of the imposing gates of Fukuyama Manor or whatever the hell it was called wasn't helping, and Lilica's serenely sweeping presence wasn't helping even more.

"Ah, Miss Kojima. If you're here to see Master Kazuharu, I'm afraid he hasn't yet returned from school."

That's because he's upside down in a dumpster, Kirie thought to herself. Out loud, she said "Actually, Kosame here?"

Lilica smirked knowingly. But then, Kirie wasn't sure she had any other kind of smirk. "As it happens, today is her day off. I'll go tell her you wish to speak with her."

Before Kirie could chicken out, she was gone. There was just enough time for her to start thinking about just running away as fast as she could, but not enough for her to turn back toward the sidewalk before Kosame was racing down the driveway. She was dressed for a workout, her toned body glistening with sweat and her chest rising and falling as she breathed. Between that and the look of abject worship in her eyes, Kirie felt it was perfectly understandable that the sight made her throat constrict a little.

"Miss Kirie..." As Kosame tried to climb disjointedly through the bars of the gate, Kirie took a step back and shook her head to clear it.

"Just stop it." Kosame froze, still half-tangled with the gate. In the blink of an eye, she was standing straight again, but her body was still shaking with the exertion. Kirie took a deep breath; she couldn't believe she was even considering this.

"If you agree to stop acting crazy and treat me like a person instead of a sex doll..." She swallowed. "You can take me on one date."

Kosame blinked. Then, as if she'd been practicing, she tipped over and fell flat on her back. Kirie's eyes went wide, and she instinctively moved closer to see if the woman was all right. Then she leapt back when Kosame just as suddenly was on her feet again.

"Is tomorrow at eight all right?"


When Kirie hit the bottom of the stairs, all conversation stopped.

"Wow, Kirie," Yukinari muttered. "You look...really beautiful."

Kirie fidgeted. She couldn't remember the last time she'd worn a dress. She would have preferred not having any of them see her at all tonight, but her hot water wasn't working again and if she was going to do this, there was no way in hell she was going to do it without bathing.

"Yeah, you look really nice, Kirie," Koyomi added.

"Tomo thinks the Boob Monster must have a date! That's why she's all dressed up!"

Kirie blushed. "I...I'm just going out. Okay? I'll be back later."

Kirie hurried into her shoes and out the door. Koyomi and Miharu's eyes met across the table, and they shared a silent smile.


Kirie gave the clock on the building behind her another glance. It was 8:02, so she'd been waiting for about ten minutes. In her defense, she'd been so nervous she'd felt compelled to get there early.

She crossed her arms over her chest, half to show her impatience and half because it was the only way she had to keep warm. Really, if Kosame wasn't even going to show up on time...

"Whoa, hey sweetie. You're lookin' really hot. You waitin' for someone?"

Kirie gritted her teeth as the guy leering down at her laughed. She didn't know if she could do a windmill kick in this skirt, but she was about to find out.

"Hey! She's with me."

They both turned, and Kirie gasped. She'd always admitted that Kosame was sleek and cool and athletic...but she'd never thought of her as beautiful before.

She was dressed in a tight sweater and a skirt, she didn't think she'd ever seen Kosame in a skirt, and was tapping her foot impatiently. The guy looked between them, Kirie's busty but coiled form and Kosame's look of cool menace, then rolled his eyes.


When he was gone, Kirie took a step closer to Kosame, whose eyes were on the pavement. "Miss Kirie, I must apologize for that outburst. It was presumptuous and unprofessional."

Kirie didn't say anything until she looked up and shocked her out of her thoughts. "I've never seen you in anything but a suit," she blurted out. "I mean, the tournament..."

At that, Kosame's eyes dropped back to the sidewalk. "I...I'm so sorry. For that day. If I hurt you. However I hurt you."

Kirie narrowed her eyes. Maybe Hayate had been right; now that she wasn't acting like a sex-crazed maniac, Kosame seemed almost shy.

"Hey." Kosame looked up. "Are we going to get something to eat, or what?"


The restaurant was American-style, made up to look like an old-fashioned diner. Kirie couldn't help smiling as they walked in; it just seemed too...whimsical for Kosame. They sat on opposite sides of a booth, Kosame keeping her hands respectfully folded in front of her and her eyes either on Kirie's face or on the table. The food was nothing special (Kirie had never really liked American food), but the conversation was surprising.

"And then I started working for the Fukuyama family. It's less...challenging than my previous work, but...well, that's not necessarily a bad thing."

"You've really been all around the world." Kosame nodded. "You've probably been with a lot of women too."

Kirie almost died of shock when Kosame actually blushed. "A few. Not...not as many as you're thinking, I'm sure. I'm not...good with women."

Kirie resisted the urge to say 'Yeah, I noticed.' Instead, she said "When did you know you were preferred women?"

Kosame frowned. "I always knew. I tried being with a few men when I was younger, because I thought it would be easier. But I always knew."

Kirie swallowed around the lump in her throat. "And...what made you prefer me?"

Kosame glanced back up. "You're beautiful. And you're strong. Not just your body, your will. You remind me of myself only..."

Kirie leaned in. "Only what?"

"Better. You're a better person, and I...I want to keep you that way."

"You're a good person," Kirie whispered. Kosame softly shook her head. She didn't look up until Kirie's hand touched hers over the table. "Why don't we go for a walk?"


The walk ended at Kirie's front door. It had been mostly silent, but the silence hadn't been bad at all. Now, they were left standing at the front door, Kosame once again looking at the ground.


The older woman's gaze flitted up momentarily at the rare sound of Kirie saying her name, but then immediately flitted back down.

"I...I'm not sure what to do. I know it would be unforgivably forward to ask to kiss you, and after everything that I've..."

She fell silent as Kirie's fingertip tentatively touched the back of her hand. She looked up to find Kirie looking down. "You could ask," she murmured, "if you wanted."

Kosame's breathing picked up, and Kirie took a step back. "I mean, just a kiss. Nothing nasty, no...groping or anything. know, one kiss on the lips."

Kosame nodded eagerly. "May I..." Her voice cracked. "May I touch your face?"

The desperation in that question made Kirie's heart want to break. She silently nodded.

Kosame's long, slender hand rose slowly, cool fingertips brushing her cheek and spreading a surprising warmth wherever they went. When Kosame's thumb brushed over her bottom lip, she let out a tiny gasp.

Kosame stepped into her. Even though she'd said no touching, Kirie felt something hot and electric go down her spine at the feel of Kosame's breasts pressing against her own. She tipped her chin up, and that was all it took.


That night, the list that sat on Kirie's desk had been amended to read:

'Pros: only has eyes for me. Good fighter. Wants to protect me. First kiss.

'And second.'

By the end of the week, it had been amended again to read:

'First kiss. And second.

'And third.'

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