Pursuing Your True Self

BY : Kirsh
Category: Digimon > Yaoi - Male/Male
Dragon prints: 571
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon Universe: Appli Monsters. I do not make any money from this story.

"Kill him."

Those two words echoed in Haru's ears over and over again. Those two words, said in Yuujin's voice. Yuujin's, but not Yuujin's. Yuujin would never say those words, so cold and without emotion. He would never speak so roughly. And yet that voice, to Haru, was unmistakable and unforgettable.

He stared at Yuujin, the self-proclaimed YJ-14, an information gathering unit created by Leviathan, in shock and disbelief, his heart constricting even as it pounded out a drumroll. Haru stared at his best friend, the person he loved more than anything, the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, with a mixture of shock and terror. Those green eyes with their twin points of red bored into him, as if daring him to deny the very truth before his eyes. That arm, with an open and gaping wound that didn't bleed, mocked him, as if saying "How could you think this was real? That any of this was real?"

When Rei had come to him to tell him about Yuujin's falsified data, Haru hadn't wanted to believe it could be so dangerous. Sure, he'd never slept over at Yuujin's house and Yuujin had never slept over his. Sure, they had different interests, and sometimes Yuujin hadn't been around because he'd been sick with a cold. He loved Yuujin, trusted Yuujin, and would do anything for him, so he never thought twice, even when certain questions were made glaringly obvious, such as when Yuujin rescued Haru from Cloud and the Four Generals and yet remained untouched after being in Leviathan's clutches for so long. As an Appli-Driver chosen by Minerva, Leviathan should have killed Yuujin. But he hadn't even been harmed, hadn't been touched. Haru had been too caught up in his emotions that he hadn't cared why Yuujin was safe; he just wanted Yuujin back and was willing to be blind to things he shouldn't have been.

And perhaps in being blind to those things, he'd been able to see other things, especially in the one person closest to him and in the other who wanted to be close but couldn't quite figure out how to do so. Haru wasn't so blind to Rei's crush as Rei thought he was, and he hadn't been ignorant of Yuujin's jealousy when Rei spent too much time watching Haru. Both of them circled Haru like he was the princess whose hand was to be won. A part of him wanted to believe Rei because Rei was really good at what he did and he was brutally honest when he decided to tell the truth and not lie by omission. He wasn't sure what reason there would be for rewriting data for a human, but most of the reasons he'd come up with were benign at best. He never thought it would be this. That Yuujin wasn't even human, wasn't even real.

No.


Yuujin was Yuujin. Yuujin was real.

Memories flooded into Haru's mind, hard and fast, bright and vivid with each beat of his heart. Memories of when they first met in elementary school, memories of playing together, memories of growing up together. Haru couldn't believe that Yuujin had always been an android, and even if he had, it didn't matter. It didn't matter because a computer, a machine, couldn't feel emotions. It couldn't get sad or angry, it couldn't be happy or elated, it couldn't fall in love and be jealous. Artificial intelligence was just that - artificial. Gatchmon and the others might call themselves artificial intelligence because they were actually programs, but they were self-aware. They had emotions. They had feelings. They lived, loved, and grieved just like their Drivers. All of the Applimonsters Haru had met were more real and alive than any 'artificial intelligence' would describe them to be.

He remembered the first time Yuujin kissed him. How hesitant it had been, fearful and exploratory. Yuujin's face had been as red as his hair, and Haru could only stare in shock. He remembered how much pleasure had bloomed on Yuujin's face when Haru kissed him back - or tried to, because both of them were inexperienced and they had ended up laughing at each other each time they tried to kiss each other over and over. An android couldn't fake those emotions well enough to pass for human. Intelligence gathering? Why would an android want to know about kissing? About love? Leviathan had no need for such things, so why would Yuujin take the time to learn about them, unless the Yuujin Haru loved was real? More memories exploded into Haru's mind, of them in their secret place, Yuujin's head on his lap as Haru stroked his hair and read to him. Memories of Yuujin protecting Haru from being bullied. Memories of them holding hands, stealing time for themselves, even before they became Appli- Drivers. They still stole time, and Haru could still remember the softness of Yuujin's lips on his, the gentle touch of Yuujin's hands as he pulled Haru closer, not wanting to relinquish that last bit of contact.

That was Yuujin. Proud, kind, caring, loving Yuujin. Jealous Yuujin. Haru's Yuujin.

That android might wear Yuujin's face and speak with Yuujin's voice but he wasn't Yuujin. Haru was certain that his Yuujin was in there somewhere. He was certain that, even now, Yuujin was fighting. Haru straightened his back and forced away the shock and terror and drew upon the strength of his bond with Yuujin and let that power strap steel to his spine. If he was going to be the protagonist of his own story, then he was going to fight. He was going to fight to save Yuujin, whatever the consequences. He couldn't live in a world without Yuujin, because he wouldn't be able to forget him. Forget what they'd had.

Because whatever Leviathan wanted, whatever YJ-14 would say, Haru knew the truth, and that was all that mattered.

The fight of his life was about to begin, and Haru wasn't about to shy away from it.

Yuujin needed him.

No matter what happens from this point on, I'm not going to give up. Not on myself and not on you, Yuujin. Even if the worst comes to pass, I'm going to save you. I promise.

Haru took a deep breath, set his feet beside Gatchmon, and prepared himself for the hardest thing he would have to do in his life: fight Yuujin. 



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