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Reviews for Sinners: Arc 2

By : Stormborn Apostle

From ANON - Mors Mortis on November 01, 2009
It occurs to me Mewtwo isthe ideal pokemon to save Slash (if he is going to be svaed) as he is a sort of artificial Great One and has weilded life and death before, with the clones. Even if this is not how Mewtwo is used i would ask that he is used as the villains are Rocket centric and Mewtwo has more reason than most to hate Giovanni, he also is the most powerful psychic in existance making him virtually invincible except to the most powerful dark types.

oh and by the way a truly great fic and are the indetities of the legendaries mentioned in passing going to be revealed. particularly the desert one.
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From the42jabberwocky on November 01, 2009
finished chapter 3 of arc 2. That was epic! There is one thing that bothers me, you say you suck at doing battles, and I say you're wrong. Y are just as capable of writing battles as you are of writing fluff and sex. This just makes the story all the more potent. I was seriously on edge during the battle, and the part where you went into the perspectives of the pokemon was quite nifty, and ballsy to do. I sincerely hope you respond to my reviews and the e-mail I sent because Iwant to get to know you as a writer, maybe you could even help me? Nah, that's too much to ask for, but hey. Keep up the good work, and don't be so self criticizing! Catch you later.
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From ANON - Bowmaster188 on October 25, 2009
When are you going to update?

PS, I'm sorry about your dog :(
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From ANON - Hallation on October 21, 2009
I've found a pic depicting a Regigigas of a size even greater to the one in Sinners.

http://disc.420chan.org/po/src/1256090011713.jpg

Hail to the King.
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From ANON - shadowslash657 on October 09, 2009
one thing to say, no my name isent a trubitue to slash, thoguh r.r ok well mabye it is alittle, at any rate. great up date, sad, intense. fucking awesome. it was darker then any othe chapter, yet..had abit of hope in it, its been weeks since i read it and im just now able to reply, love the story thoguh. ah. and i hope every thing gets better...life sucks..we live and..well..yeah. it just sucks. but, things get better in time. Though, as one more encourageing saying pertaining to the sotry keep it up slash. this story drives me though out most of what i do e.e i hope ill review more later on, ill sruely try, extra motavation is all youll get from me lol.
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From ANON - Nick on September 15, 2009
Cataclysm. The newest chapter.

I have only three words to say, Slash.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

And I mean that in the best way possible. This chapter fucking ROCKED.
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From daveb on September 12, 2009
Great chapter, though your dialogue needs a little work.

Poor Torkoal.....
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From ANON - Dillon on September 08, 2009
Bravo! I can't really put in words how that chapter made me feel; it was great.
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From ANON - Hallation on September 07, 2009
I guess I'll just say I'm not impressed with this chapter as I could be.
It's supposed to be the huge finale, but there's just not that much meat to it. A bundle of battles, but nothing really hard-hitting. To quote Kiako, "I am growing sick of these riddles and vagaries!". Foreshadowing exposition in the middle of a fight scene is rather tiresome.

There are parts I greatly enjoyed, though, like when Torkoal used Explosion.

... I guess I'm just spoiled by series' like Dragon Ball Z and Fate/Stay Night, where I want finales to be huge and flashy.
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From ANON - This... on September 06, 2009
...

...

...

You know, you are now amongst my three favorite authors. That includes professional ones, those that write books for a living. This story, and this chapter... Simply mind-boggling.
There are only two reasons why I don't think you could turn this story into a book and make millions out of it.

1. Most people wouldn't think the story is... appropriate... in certain parts.

2. Pokemon is copyrighted by Nintendo.

And, well, if you were writing this for money, even if that made you write it faster, the story would be different, since your motives for writing would be different. And I don't want that.
But seriously. I usually read the stories here just for the obvious reason. I began reading yours for the same reason, but after reading the first chapters, that thought vanished from my mind, and I read more chapters for several hours without realizing the passing of time. I liked the sexual scenes, yes, but they aren't the reason why I read this. I'm moved by this story. I absolutely love it.

Simply put, I love this story, and I sincerely wish that you will continue writing.
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From Satoku on September 05, 2009
I have no idea how close it is to your vision of him, but my mental image of Kiako is this guy:
http://www.freewebs.com/badassinc/vv1.jpg
He's the antagonist from the Cowboy Bebop movie, but I think he fits Kiako's image perfectly.
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From ANON - SF on September 04, 2009
Wow, man!! Excellent work!! It took me a whole week to read it, but I don't care. It's awesome!
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From ANON - jpspike411 on September 04, 2009
wow, this chapter was epic, like lord of the rings epic. i loved so much of this chapter i can't even fit it all into a review, but i also have a few minor concerns along with praises to give.

first: slash was stabbed, shot, and beaten into the ground and yet he began to loose consciousness only when his lung was filling up with blood...okay, in my opinion only a person heavily doped on drugs can keep functioning as he did with these injuries, he'd have gone into shock probably right after he was shot in the leg. but nonetheless his superhuman ability to survive what i can only come to the conclusion as mortal wounds was wonderful. yeah i knew he was gonna survive because he's the protagonist but that doesn't mean he has to keep all his limbs and such. ultimately it made for a real dramatic conclusion to the chapter and in the end it only felt out of place when i reflected on the chapter after finishing it. he defied the laws of biology and physics a bit, but that just makes him appear that much more determined and powerful of a character, so i'd have to give you a thumbs up on this one.

second: torkoal...he was definitely a bad ass, and you gave him a perfect personality. it certainly felt natural for him to act the way he did given his age and experience, and his death gave his fight that much more weight. the old must make way for the young, and in this chapter, and with this character, you have perfectly hit home on this rule. he was a warrior who died a hero and i never expected it to be that way this early in the story...he will be missed

third: the lord of the sky himself. you definitely captured his power and majesty wonderfully, he was exactly how i imagined him to be and in regard to this chapter you exceeded all my expectations for him.

forth: kiako. omg kiako... sheer awesomeness. he reminds me of gannondorf if he was thrown into the universe of grand theft auto. his unstable personality, his ego, everything about him just screamed ultimate evil and he holds a great place in this story. it almost seems like, if he never became a part of team rocket he could have turn out differently. he's almost like a fallen hero to me and if you compare his role to a role like darth vader, he seems so much more tragic, and even more evil, like his level of instability has barely even been hinted at. and i give you two thumbs up here because in this chapter, as he was interacting with psymakio and when he was about to level the rest of the city, i felt sorry, near pity, for him. he's a wonderful character and a superb antagonist and i can't wait to see how he develops further.

fifth: okay, this one will be a bit to explain. in the battle between slash and kiako, it seemed like they flirted with death too much. when it came to kiako's pokemon, it's almost expected that they'd be too tough to die but psymakio and slash seemed like they had the invincibility from the mario games. i definitely worried for them, and it magnified their situation but looking back on it, it just felt like they cheated death just a tad too much. it's not really a complaint more a concern. there are many more battles to come, and i think it would be wise to take care of the subtitles of them a bit more. for example, when rayquaza gave psymakio some of his energy to teleport he told her the transfer of energy might kill her. okay yeah it might have, and i certainly got the idea that it was dangerous for them to do, but i knew she was gonna live, maybe not unharmed but still live. i think there it would have been more appropriate to put him saying it 'will' kill her because her living after it would have made her seem that much more powerful, certainly in the eyes of rayquaza, having his assessment of her condition be incorrect. with it the way it is, it felt to me kinda like the dialog leveled the drama of the situation. it didn't distract from it, or pull it down, but it didn't really heighten it either. i certainly don't think you a god at writing, nor believe you must meet and surpass my expectations every time and on everything, but i hope that you could at least understand the point i'm trying to make here.

six:...wow this is going on long, i'll try and speed it up. the rape of katarina. again this isn't a complaint. i certainly felt that a peice of the story was missing from when she was isolating herself and to when she stood between kiako and slash, but it wasn't ignored in the chapter. i don't think the way she acted in this chapter at all strange and i know that there are many interpretations of how one will act after such a horrific crime is committed on someone. a friend of mine had this happen to her too so i know there is no one way a person can act after it very well. i am looking forward to how she deals with it after the fact in the next chapters too. it's a difficult topic to write about in a serious manor; however, i feel you did a good job portraying her reaction as well as everyone else.

seventh, and final: at the end of the chapter with the volcano about to blow there was a lot of dialog and i felt that you could have included a bit more of the volcano erupting in there. i just felt that we could have been reminded that they were in the blast zone of an active volcano more, and that ash and boulders and the like were pummeling them. and at the very end with everyone riding on rayquaza's back looking at the sunrise, it reminded me of the ending to "empire strikes back" where luke and leia are looking out into space and the rebel fleet. in both endings the characters have come a long way, learning many lessons and have lost a great deal to their adversaries, and knowing they have a lot more to learn and if they're not careful a lot more to loose. i don't know if it was you're intention to make this connection or if this was accidental or what have you, but it was a happy ending and a sobering one too.

i hope i didn't come off as an ass or anything, i'm nitpicking here and felt like sharing my opinions on this chapter. i've been reading this story since last year when i stumbled on it and you haven't lost my interest yet. i look eagerly forward to the rest of the story and personally i am more than willing to wait a while if it's necessary and in this case it definitely was worth the wait.
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From Stormborn Apostle on September 04, 2009
Sikozu Danicelle---Thank you for your kind words. I would also like to give a Gardevoir a hug, lol.

Xain---Well, his body being torn apart doesn't necessarily LITERALLY mean that he was dismembered by his own psychic-nuke. But after getting his arm sliced off by Rayquaza, and all of his old wounds re-opening---in addition to new injuries---it ain't gonna be pretty.

Pokeprof---Meh, I didn't want to go crazy with the descriptions---one of the parts of Arc 1 that I intend to fix up is Maxie's technical description of Sunny Day, which, while sufficiently mocking to Slash, was still pretty lame. Rock Polish is shown to bring Aggron's speed up to high levels for short bursts, which is really all the readers need to know in this case. I like to tinker with some moves, anyway---giving Imprison the hold-your-breath limits and making it into a movement-lock instead of a move-lock. It's when I do that, changing moves effects from the games, that I'll be detailed. As for Kiako, he was just giving everyone the basic gist of it, not being technical.

The veils of the Shadow are large areas of...for lack of a better description, "fuck-up energy". It does more than just corrupt living beings and screw up the environment; it affects everything from luck to emotion, essentially taking everyone's biorhythm and setting it to minimum grace and maximum aggression (which, for people like Slash and Kiako, is not helping matters). These veils are spawned from cruelty and destruction...and also fueled by it, growing larger and more intense as the chaos continues. The source of the Fallarbor veil was Rayquaza's life being put in jeopardy, which began when the Aquas kidnapped Katarina (when the veil began to form, shortly before Slash and the pack left Mauville); it would only begin to disintergrate when Rayquaza was no longer in mortal danger. The battle began shifting in Rayquaza's favor when Flannery's cavalry showed up and Growlithe snatched away the Heart, but as long as Kiako posed an immediate threat, the veil continued to persist. When Kiako's arm was severed, the battle became all but decided in Rayquaza's favor; the enemy was disabled and Katarina was safe (though tainted, her death would still hasten the Heart's corruption), and the veil began to fall away. Now, had Kiako's last-ditch attempt to kill everyone succeeded, the veil would have mended almost instantly, and the loss of Rayquaza (and half of the prophesied 'chosen ones') would fuck up Hoenn. Royally.

If the Shadow were released, veils would begin to spawn at random, starting out almost unnoticeable...but gradually growing and corrupting as its effects create a positive feedback loop.

Pokemon Centers are a shitload more advanced than any real-life medical technology, but they have limits. A combination of standard medicine, machine-assisted healing (with the Pokemon in their balls, similar to the game), and healing-capable Pokemon like Blissey on staff mean that they can typically heal any "normal" battle injuries within a day or so---normal battles don't tend to get to the point of severely broken bones or amputations. For more severe injuries, treatment can take longer, but it's still much better than unaided healing. Here's a good frame of reference---with Pokemon Center tech, medicine, and therapy, Blaziken's cracked ribs will take days to heal instead of weeks; Psymakio's broken ribs will take weeks to heal instead of months; Blaziken's shattered arms will take months to heal instead of never being usable again.

Human medical tech is less advanced than Pokemon tech, mainly because Pokemon are the ones typically getting these numerous injuries. There is a degree of crossover in the two branches of treatment---for example, Blissey therapy works on humans with only slightly reduced effect, and detoxification for poisons work about the same for humans and Pokemon---but the more complex medical treatment, namely the powerful potions, are designed for Pokemon (who have better healing abilities than humans anyway) and won't work on humans. Despite this, human medical tech is still better than our own. Flannery, who suffered some cracked ribs at the hands of Ariados, will be mended up within a few days. Slash, whose injuries were much more extensive, will still be in the hospital at the beginning of chapter 30, even with a month-long timeskip.

As for religions, there are indeed multiple religions in the Sinners world; Jirachism is merely the dominant religion of Hoenn. It's not meant to be in the spotlight yet; the basic gist of it is that Jirachi is the god figure, and there is no knowledge of Arceus at all in the current Sinners timeline (though, as mentioned in one of my oneshots, there were stories about Arceus in the old Kingdom). One commonality in the major religions, however, is the prohibition against romantic/sexual relationships between Pokemon and humans, much like homosexuality in the three Abrahamic religions. However, despite this, not everyone who follows these religions is a vehement orthodox believer; like Flannery, there are people who don't take all the stuff literally. The Pokemon League of Hoenn is actually becoming more progressive, as mentioned with its acceptance of Dark-types in sanctioned battles (and the first Dark-user member of the Elite Four, not yet mentioned).

Unfortunately, comparing human/Pokemon relationships with our world's treatment of homosexuality doesn't quite capture it properly; these major religions view it more like bestiality; despite the undisputed fact that Pokemon are sentient, humans and Pokemon are not declared as equals by any of those religions. The conflict with Jirachism will be one of the major focuses of the third arc. The comparisons between the common treatment of Pokemon and slavery will also come later.

I'll be focusing on Sinners for the foreseeable future, but oneshots from several different universes will always be a possibility, since they're less time-consuming and mind-consuming. That Zelda oneshot will likely end up being started the next time I feel like playing through Twilight Princess...it'll actually probably be a multi-chapter deal, maybe five chapters of decent length.

And no, there isn't. I know very little about World of Warcraft, most of which is from South Park. XD
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From Pokeprof on September 04, 2009
One final thing I forgot to ask in my last review. Any relation between this chapter's Title and the upcoming World of Warcraft expansion coming out?
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